James RAPSON
psychotherapist
Craig ENGLISH
writer
Nice people do everything too much: they adapt too much, they apologize too much. They float through life, adapting and giving in - in an attempt to please everyone. They strive to please others, even if they ignore or insult them. Such people show anxiety in relationships: through dependence, ingratiation, excessive readiness to bend to other people's desires. They are always worried about what others will think of them. And every time they are surprised when they are rejected. Nice people often suffer from feelings of inferiority and fear of inadequacy. They feel that they have to prove their worth and excellence over and over again, and although they may be quite competent in professional and social life, they continue to be constantly nervous.
Watch yourself
Our primary tool for overcoming anxious attachment is mindfulness practice. Our task is to monitor obsessive thoughts and feelings that arise again and again, and drag them into the light, where they lose their power. At first, awareness increases anxiety. Moreover, we notice that we are still overwhelmed with feelings of unspoken resentment, anger and constant anxiety that we secretly stored inside ourselves. These feelings are so different from the image that we carefully created: nice people not allowed angry or anxious. As children we learned that negative emotions do not bring us the love we need, and therefore these feelings are not for us. And when such feelings appear, we consider them - and ourselves - bad, disgusting, spoiled, evil. Non-judgmental mindfulness requires that we learn to observe thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations without dividing them into “bad” and “good”. Only by accepting and carefully examining them will we be able to discover their cause, which means we will be able to change them. The habit of judging runs very deep (sometimes we even condemn our own judgment!), and the practice of mindfulness is dedicated to understanding this habit and getting rid of it. Over time, as we learn to pay attention to self-judgment, it will begin to disappear.
Be alone
People who suffer from anxious attachment usually fear being neglected or abandoned. They will constantly sacrifice their time, energy and self-esteem just to avoid being alone. As a result, they often find themselves in relationships that do not bring them joy, playing roles that are harmful to them, even if these relationships themselves do not give them the feeling of security they are looking for. That is why the conscious choice of solitude is extremely important experience for a transforming personality. When done with care and compassion, loneliness can be a good laboratory for studying emotions, thoughts, bodily sensations and behavior.
One of the main results of a period of solitude is the development of the “loneliness muscle.” If you practice solitude meaningfully and moderately, you will become increasingly comfortable with it, without worrying about your separation from others. The hard part is learning to love yourself the way you do. caring parent loves your child: absolutely, no matter what you find, and as much as you can. An important part retreat practice is to develop specific self-care skills. This can be a difficult task for nice people who have long accepted the fact that addiction is the order of the day.
Understand what you want
“What do I believe? What are my values? How should I live? These three questions nice people avoid if the answers contradict their habit of adapting to the needs of others. Our whole life - Full time job on the formation of personal ethics. Any situation that requires a person to make a decision is suitable for this purpose. Nice man in every specific case, most likely, will succumb to someone else's desires - not because he always agrees with them, and not because he considers such a choice to be correct, but because he is afraid of being the cause of a conflict: he risks losing friendship, love or status . A transforming person in a similar situation will look inward and ask himself, “What do I think is right?” These are the words of a warrior.
Don't suppress aggression
You should understand that aggression is part of your personality. In fact, it is necessary for all living beings. Appreciate the determination and persistence with which a raven attacks bread crumbs, a puppy fights with its brothers, and a three-year-old child tries to get attention. Of course, suppressing aggression does not get rid of the passions that provoke it, aggression simply becomes hidden, passive forms. Transforming people are likely to find that skillful management aggression brings a lot of pleasure, because at the same time dreams break free. We finally realize our desires, boldly strive for them and reap the fruits of our actions.
Set boundaries
Nice people have a hard time setting personal boundaries, because there is always a risk of offending someone by the fact of their existence. It will take conscious effort in the beginning, but the results will be worth it. Weak boundaries kill relationships and create distrust and disrespect in others. Strong boundaries give you a sense of security and attract other people. If someone tells us that they don't want to be called before nine in the morning, we can trust that information and feel grateful that such a wish was expressed. For contrast, imagine that when asked if we are calling too early, we hear “No problem,” but the tone of voice makes it clear that there is a problem There is. They try to be “nice” with us, but this is not particularly pleasant, and at the same time we lose respect for the interlocutor.
Get rid of illusions
The practice of getting rid of illusions will help people who have embarked on the path of transformation to part with magical fantasies and the expectation of a tragic end, and also see others as they are. A person free from illusions will be able to experience more fulfilling intimacy, best sex and the sincere joy of relationships. The basis for creating an ideal is the belief that serving an idol will bring happiness and satisfaction.
Of course, this is far from reality. IN in this case, no and cannot be true love or fate sent by heaven. No one a real man will not make us whole. This is a task for ourselves. Of course, other people will help us along the way - friends, lovers, spouses, therapists, teachers and mentors - but the task of satisfying own needs lies with us. This truth is difficult to accept. At first we resist her by calling on habitual thoughts: “If I am nice enough, she will give me everything I need.” We must remind ourselves again and again that no one person can fill the void in our heart.
Don't be afraid of your dark side
Nice people diligently hide their dark side. The problem is not that the dark side is bad, but that we hate it. Interestingly, the process of studying the dark side awakens exactly those qualities that we want to develop in ourselves. Considering and accepting vindictiveness, weakness and anxiety develops forgiveness, strength and calm. Instead of hating their dark side, transforming people understand where it comes from: it is the place in the soul that has suffered the most. This pain needs care like to a small child who has hit himself and wants to be caressed, distracted, played with, joked with, in short, to be loved. When we become able to have compassion for ourselves dark side, the transformation is accelerating.
We are highly dependent on emotions, this is no longer a secret to anyone.
We want to feel good and we don’t want to feel bad — it’s as simple as that.
We often feel bad about the things we try to change. the world, which we cannot change. We are trying to deform him so that he accepts artificial form our expectations. We try to compress it so that it fits into the modestly limited zone of our ideas about how everything should be.
When we are upset that we cannot change our circumstances, we forget that opposite side there is a whole unplowed field that actually awaits action and change from us. This field is located in our head.
The world is divided into two halves: “me” and “everything else”.
“I” includes everything that is within our body and within our control. Our thoughts, feelings, actions and the results of these actions are all under our personal responsibility.
“Everything else” is the entire world around us, including circumstances and events beyond our control. The world outside our body is a foreign territory outside our jurisdiction, we are not able to control anything there, including other people with their thoughts, feelings and actions. We really want to believe otherwise, but unfortunately this is the case: we cannot control external circumstances.
This view of the world gives both freedom and responsibility.
This position is not easy to accept right away: we are accustomed to believing that people can hurt us, events can ruin our mood, and in general the world around us has a direct impact on us. But this view of life does not bring any benefit, so I propose to reconsider it.
First, we must accept that each of us lives in his own own world, which exists in his head. Think for yourself: everything that happens in the world around us has no impact on us until we give it a certain assessment. We may or may not be aware (usually the latter) of how we give certain value current events and the words of other people. But in fact, everything that happens is just facts that initially do not have any emotional overtones, and they acquire meaning only thanks to our attitude towards them.
A simple example: a person died. If it's someone you know, you're upset. If this is your loved one or close friend, you are incredibly depressed, you are in pain. If you don't know about this death at all, you won't feel anything. If someone who hurt you or someone you know has died, you might even be glad that they are no longer there. The fact remains: a man died. But there can be any number of reactions to this event, and they will all be different — the number of people who perceive this fact, the number of reactions.
Nothing affects us until we ourselves attach a certain meaning to it.
What is happening at this time in our heads and hearts?
The emergence of any emotion can be traced. First of all, a thought is born. When we perceive an event occurring, we immediately begin to think about it — the brain begins to build chains of thoughts based on all our experience: the brain needs to “build” any fact into the structure of our life. He takes this fact and starts searching his database for any associations: past experience, judgments, stereotypes, beliefs, fears, memories — all this flashes through our mind in a split second, and… ready — the fact is securely fixed in the midst of our past experience and our ideas about the world.
After new fact reacts with all the other contents of our mind, an emotion is born. Emotion never arises empty space, it is always the result thought process, whether we realize it or not.
Example: you dropped your phone into water. There is a whole palette of emotions to choose from, depending on your thoughts. You may feel frustrated when you think about how much the phone cost and how much it will cost to repair it. Frustration from thinking about how many plans you had for the day, and how they will change because you are left without the necessary contacts and the ability to call. You may even feel afraid when you think about the consequences of not being able to complete an urgent errand for your boss without your phone. The reason for all these emotions is not the phone that broke, but the meaning you attach to this event when thinking about its consequences.
Tobias van Schneider @ unsplash.com
What's the point of all this?
Why does emotion arise? To motivate us to action.
This is an ancient mechanism that was once vital to us in order to run away from tigers and fight other dangers.
Let's take an example of how the emotion of fear arises. When we meet a tiger, the brain evaluates the situation: correlating the facts with previous experience, it draws a conclusion — “danger” — and sends signals to the nervous, endocrine, respiratory, digestive and other systems: adrenaline is released into the blood, the work of the heart and respiratory system increases, muscles tense, full combat readiness — we are ready to act — fight or run away.
Tigers no longer lie in wait for us around the corner, but the mechanisms by which emotions arise remain the same as millions of years ago. The problem is that our lives are now filled with emotions that do not lead to any action. And we suffer from this — both emotionally and physically: all unexpressed (that is, not expressed in actions) emotions “get stuck” in our bodies, sooner or later leading to illnesses on the body. physical level. But more on that another time.
In our time negative emotions most often lead to a single action: an attempt to avoid or drown out these emotions. This makes no sense in terms of survival or evolution, and therefore does not lead to anything good.
Fear, anxiety, anger, shame, regret — we blame the world around us for experiencing these emotions and try to run away from them or drown them out with food, alcohol, work and entertainment, without realizing that we really are themselves are responsible for these emotions. We are capable of choosing and even creating emotions ourselves, we just have to start paying attention to our thought process.
In fact, in life we often encounter a change in thinking: for example, when a friend is upset about some event, we console him. Thanks to our participation, he can “look from the outside” at the situation. We offer him a different view of what happened, one that is not emotionally colored by him. personal experience. In other words, we offer an alternative set of thoughts about this situation. Having thought and seen the logic in our thoughts, a friend may accept them, and this will change his attitude towards the situation. We can apply the same approach to ourselves. Thoughts can be changed, and then emotions will change.
Everything that happens becomes part of our own life through our thoughts. Thoughts lead to emotions. Emotions lead to actions. Actions inevitably lead to results. It's so logical and simple. Keep track of what exactly you think about every day, and you will immediately see a connection with the results you have in your life.
Thoughts are the root, the foundation. This is important to understand: you cannot change emotions, actions or results without changing your thoughts. Of course, you can try, but the result will not be sustainable, and sooner or later you will return to your previous path. But by consciously choosing your thoughts, you can count on exactly the results you want to see in your life.
In order to live better and feel good, you do not need to change the world around you, circumstances and other people. It is enough to simply pay attention to your thoughts and accept full responsibility for them. And then, if desired, begin to change your thought patterns.
Assessment - is it verbal or non-verbal? expressed attitude one person to another in the form of praise, criticism, advice, swearing, etc. At the moment of receiving an unpleasant assessment, the emotional condition, the body experiences discomfort, the pace and depth of breathing changes, tension arises various groups muscles, pupils react, etc. A person usually experiences comfort when he has a sense of control: everything is under control and goes according to plan.People tend to “put on face” when they hear, see or feel someone else’s assessment of their appearance, work or behavior. Almost everyone has experienced, and many constantly experience, dependence on other people's assessments.
Fearing and avoiding negative assessments, a person strives to guess, adjust his behavior in order, in his opinion, to receive only positive assessments. They get very upset just by the assumption that someone might even think badly of them.
And when they understand that, in general, they cannot influence the thoughts of other people, they learn to set more adequate goals for themselves. Then they want to learn to react calmly, that is, to be more independent of other people’s opinions, assessments and expectations. Since it is known that it is impossible for everyone to be good, therefore there is no point in wasting energy on this.
If you want to stop being dependent on other people's opinions, waste your time and energy waiting for an assessment from the outside. If you get it and worry, then use the described method. This is a 3D model that involves thoughts, emotions, and behavior.
With its help, step by step, you can gain new experiences and learn to think and behave more in a useful way. Over time, you will stop being dependent on other people's opinions. You will have to do something less and less on purpose, since everything will happen automatically.
First of all, you should consider and accept the following ideas.
Idea 1. To maintain emotional comfort, it is useful to plan emotions. When you plan emotions, you track unplanned emotions.Idea 2. Reactions need to be planned. When you plan reactions, you can keep track of unplanned reactions.
Idea 3. Assessments can be important or unimportant.
Idea 4. I am a person who chooses how to react to the assessments of others.
Idea 5. Since I plan emotions, this is possible.
Idea 6. If I notice an unplanned emotion or reaction, it’s because I plan for it.
Idea 7. As soon as I feel an unplanned emotion, I use my method and regain emotional comfort.
Idea 8. Home: Since experiences associated with other people’s assessments do not help me live, it means they are meaningless!
1st way to learn to be independent of other people’s opinions “Categories”
Preparatory work:- We divide all people into categories according to the degree of importance of their opinions for us. (For example: 1. Their rating is very significant. 2. Average significance. 3. Low significance. 4. Almost indifferent.)
- We plan the thought, emotion and reaction that we will give, receiving the assessment of people from each category.
Thought - “he’s probably talking about himself,” “I don’t take other people’s negativity, let him keep it for himself,” “the dog barks, the wind carries it away,” “it’s the rain knocking on the glass,” “what would the doctor say about this?” , “ku-ka-re-ku”, etc.;
Emotion: calm, interest, indifference or any other that is suitable for you in this case.
Reaction: “Oh! I’ll think about it..later”, “interesting thought/idea..”, “what time is it now?”, “I’m glad/I’m pleased that you take care of me”, “you are a subtle and insightful person”, “ I also like your dress,” look thoughtfully, as if you know something unknown, and remain silent.
Training:
We train to “give” the planned thought, emotion and reaction for people by category. To do this, we present each person in turn from the list as he gives you an assessment of himself, thinking, experiencing the planned thought, emotion and reaction. It is important to “feel” the emotion and even feel it in the body. With each person, imagine and live the situation at least 3 times. And with especially “difficult clients” at least 5 times.
2nd way to learn to be independent of other people’s opinions “Shortcuts”
Preparatory work:- Every person we know is given a name (label) based on conspicuous features of appearance or character. If you can’t do this right away, then you can imagine a small image of this person somewhere in space. If the image is static, then make it move. In motion, the same ones become more noticeable distinctive features image of a person. It is better to make the label funny, as this immediately determines and plans the emotion and reaction to its assessment (remember the film about Harry Potter, where he presented the teacher he was afraid of in a funny and ridiculous image). A label can have not only a verbal expression (Red Turtle in a Hat), but also a symbolic one, for example, some kind of visual color or black and white image - a picture.
In the future, when receiving an assessment one must perceive what this person says only in relation to the label of the speaker. To do this, you can say to yourself: “The label said - assessment.” For example: “The stupid little guy told me he’s a fool.” To consolidate such a sequence, it is necessary, just as in Method 1, to spend time on virtual playback - living through the expected situations.
If a person managed to give out a rating even before he was assigned a label, he is called common name for all strangers, for example: “Stump from the mountain.”
Two ways in one
These two ways of learning to be independent of other people’s opinions can be combined: divide people into categories and unite under common “labels” those of them who seem similar to you in some way. Or reformulate the categories, for example, from “the assessment is very important” to “Good Samaritans”, “Elochki are cannibals”. Then you can say to yourself: “The assessment came from the Good Samaritans category.” The planned thought, the emotion I have for this is such and such, and the reaction is such and such.If you want to get confused and show more creativity so as not to depend on other people’s opinions, you can diversify the methods with assessment topics: appearance, intelligence, lifestyle, criticism, advice. Here, as they say: The cards are in your hands! :-)
The content of the article:
Dependence on other people's opinions is psychological condition of a person, due to the oppression of one’s own “I” in favor of extraneous considerations. The formation of this quality begins deep in childhood, when parents evaluate and correct the actions of their children. Originated in early age The fear of being judged or misunderstood fetters one’s own pride and forces one to follow the opinions of others.
The influence of dependence on other people's opinions on life
Dependence on other people's opinions usually occurs in people with weak character. Among the characteristics of such a person one can observe the inability to make any decisions independently and easily succumb to the influence of outsiders. This state contributes to the subordination of people with this quality to others who are stronger and more strong-willed.
How does this type of addiction affect a person’s life:
- Loss of self. One gets the impression that others are putting pressure on and suppressing the individual’s personal opinion. Under such influence, one loses the ability to independently build one’s life and make decisions on one issue or another.
- Need for external assessment. Such people need comments and approval of their actions. Various reactions is regarded as guidance on the true path. A person who has such an addiction is influenced by absolutely everyone around him.
- The unquestioned opinion of parents. The child, for whom even in childhood the parents always made decisions, already in mature age often depends on their opinion. Such people remain attached to the assessment from their relatives and are unable to contradict them, although they have opposite view. Such attachment may result in the inability to exist independently.
- Inability to defend your position. If in childhood the child was constantly subjected to pressure from peers or elders, as an adult he will not be able to lead a discussion. He will no longer have the desire to prove his point of view. It will be easier for him to agree and relegate his opinion to the background.
- The desire to be like everyone else. A person with a similar position is afraid to stand out from the crowd and tries to live according to the principles of the herd. It is always important for such people to know that they are not worse than others, but like everyone else.
- Avoidance of responsibility. Individuals who have these qualities are capable of deception; they cannot be relied upon, because they avoid responsibility in every possible way. A person who avoids solving serious issues is not welcome in the work team.
Important! Such dependence makes a slave out of a person, who can be controlled by everyone, point out mistakes and suppress the slightest manifestation of individuality. To avoid the unwanted development of such a bonded state, you must immediately sound the alarm and try to get rid of it.
The main reasons for dependence on the opinions of others
People are born into a world with established principles and moral standards. All future life is to fit in with society. But some people believe that someone else's opinion will guide them the right way and will help you not get unsettled. This kind of dependence can ultimately lead to loss of individuality and the inability to make decisions independently.
Reasons for dependence on outside opinions:
- Weak character. People with this trait are easily influenced from outside.
- A man driven by his essence. Such individuals avoid responsibility and are unable to make decisions on their own.
- Bad experience. Appears in childhood, when parents suppressed the child’s initiative to do something on his own. With age, the need to manage your life disappears, and this feature rests on the shoulders of friends or relatives.
- Low self-esteem. This quality does not provide an opportunity to defend one’s interests, but on the contrary, forces a person to withdraw so as not to provoke outside condemnation.
- Lack of love in childhood. In adult life the individual seeks to attract attention to himself by asking for approval or condemnation from strangers. These actions help him feel that he is not an empty place.
- Created stereotypes. If a child is praised for all his actions (eating, waking up, going to the toilet, etc.), he lives in fear of doing something wrong and therefore is always guided by other people's advice.
Important! Children's education becomes the basis for the emergence of addiction. Like many others psychic formations, it can be prevented using the right methods targeted development personality.
Signs of a person dependent on other people's opinions
The desire to imitate or conform to socially accepted attitudes prevents the manifestation of one’s own essence. The need for personal development disappears, because preference is given to the assessments and opinions of people who are authorities for a person.
Main signs of addiction:
- Before taking any action, a person thinks about how society will evaluate this action and what others will think. These thoughts influence the final decision made.
- The person who has been criticized experiences depression, emotional decline and ill health.
- There is a fear of being subjected to general discussion or criticism.
- There is a need for positive assessment and praise of one’s actions, achievements or personal qualities.
- A person experiences oppression when his actions are not positively assessed.
- The diligence of an individual comes down to meeting people's expectations.
- A person sacrifices his principles and views in favor of someone else's opinion.
- Ignoring discussions, being afraid to defend one’s point of view.
- There is a feeling that a person is living someone else’s life, and at the same time oppression of his own “I” occurs.
How to stop depending on other people's opinions
People are very dependent by nature. Each family, raising children, has a different attitude towards their freedom of expression. Some parents choose to raise their children dictatorial methods, while others, on the contrary, are inclined towards democracy. The child who was subjected emotional abuse, infringed in actions, becomes dependent on public opinion.
After analyzing the problem, psychologists developed specific algorithm actions on how not to depend on other people's opinions:
- Self-observation. This technique is based on the practice of mindfulness. You need to analyze your thoughts. A wide variety of feelings must be noticed. Then the person will understand that his emotions contain resentment, anger, anxiety, and a feeling of unspokenness. Having identified these features, he learns to recognize them without dividing them into good and bad. Having learned to feel their thoughts, people determine their origin. Appreciating emotional reaction to the stimulus, awareness appears, which relieves a person of self-condemnation.
- Privacy. People suffering from addiction are afraid of loneliness; they even try to be with those who harm them, just so as not to be left alone with themselves. To get rid of such negative attachment, you need to gradually learn to be alone. Realizing that this method effective, you need to prepare a place to spend time. Created favorable atmosphere will allow you to be in peace and harmony with yourself. Such actions will eventually overcome the fear of loneliness and teach independence.
- Definition own desires . People attached to other people's opinions do not have life goals and their own view of a given situation. All the presented manifestations are hidden behind someone else’s face, because everything that loved ones want, wants to have and dependent person. Such an individual needs to find strength within himself and answer the questions of what is important to him and who he wants to be in life.
- Display of aggression. Each person tends to throw out his emotional indignation and defend his personal vision of a particular situation. If you constantly contain aggression within yourself and do not let it out, this can cause painful health and develop personal apathy. By defending your position, you will be able to gain own opinion, which will help you break out of the captivity of addiction.
- Setting boundaries. Having defined a clear limit of what is permitted, a person gains universal approval. Poor boundaries create uncertainty, which turns a lot of people off. After all, only distinct edges indicate the presence of life goals that will never be shaken. This kind of action will allow you to find your face in society.
- Getting rid of illusions. This action will help you realize that ideal people can not be. Even those individuals who are seen as idols have a set of negative qualities. By looking closely at them, you can destroy the illusory world created by your own consciousness.
A list of exercises that will tell you how to stop depending on other people’s opinions:
- It is necessary to watch a film or read a book, just so that the material is known to everyone. After familiarizing yourself with the chosen plot, you should make a list in which you write down the moments you liked and not so much. When a person gets into the essence of a film or book, he should talk with close friends about what impression he got. During the conversation, disputes may arise, but in no case should you deviate from your already formed opinion. It is recommended to repeat the proposed exercise until the person feels confident.
- It is necessary to write down the goals that are planned to be achieved in a certain period of life. Having completed this procedure, people gain confidence and strive to achieve their plans.
- You need to be able to refuse, cultivate the strength to tell people “No!” To learn this, you need to start small. For example, when you receive an offer from a friend to meet in certain time, it is worth changing it for at least 30 minutes, but this will already be a shift in a positive direction.
If a person cannot cope with his dependence on the opinions of others on his own, then only a specialist can help him.
How not to be afraid of other people's opinions - watch the video:
All people who are caught in the network of dependence on the opinions of others are discriminated against by society, lose their face and are unable to stand out from the crowd. The desire to conform suppresses individuality. If there is a need to overcome addiction, then there is no need to hesitate. Actions must be built according to the presented algorithm, and only then will it be possible to free oneself from other people’s opinions and gain faith in oneself.
No matter how independent we are, the opinions of others are still important to us. This opinion can greatly influence our lives if we pay a lot of attention to it. Human nature is such that we want to be loved and respected. But is it worth constantly looking at everyone for this? The main thing to remember is that you shouldn’t worry about what others think and fill your head with thoughts about it. Nobody says that you need to give up on everything and do whatever you want. Listen to the opinions of people important to you, think about it, and only then decide what to do. After all, your family is not always right either. If you still cannot get rid of the oppression of public opinion and censure, then let's develop a mindset that will help you get rid of it.
People don't pay attention to you as often as you think
The people around you, for the most part, are passionate about their own affairs and concerns. They have their own life, which worries them much more than yours. If your interests and views intersect in some area, then this does not happen as often as you think. Just think, do you often pay attention to what those around you are wearing? Is their shirt dirty? Did a girl passing by have a puff on her tights? I'm willing to bet that you either don't think about it at all or spend no more than a couple of minutes on it. So those around you do the same.
It shouldn't worry you
What others think about you is their business. This should not concern you in any way. Even if you find out someone else's opinion about yourself, it still will not make you a different person and will not change your life, in most cases. The opinions of others can influence you only when you allow this opinion to become decisive in your life. But this shouldn’t happen. You can't control the opinions of others, so don't pay so much attention to them and focus on yourself.
You are unique like no other
Remember this once and for all. Don't adapt to those around you. As soon as you let this house of advice into your head, you cease to be yourself. Only there are a lot of people around you, and you are alone. You won't be nice to everyone. And, in pursuit of society, you will give birth to Frankenstein, which everyone likes at least a little.
Instead, just be yourself and remember that you are the only one in the whole world. You won't find exactly the same one. Cherish your uniqueness. Respect yourself. Then those around you will begin to respect you.
Why do you still listen to them?
Would your life change much if someone disagreed with you or said you were saying something wrong? Are you willing to change every time someone says you're doing it all wrong? I think no. The next time you become very sensitive to the opinions of others, just think about whether it will be just as important in a week. If a remark directed at you does not bother you more than an hour, then it's all empty.
You are clearly not a telepath
If you don't have any superpowers and Magic ball doesn't show you anything, then you hardly know what people are thinking about. If you a common person, then how do you know what’s going on in the heads of those around you? The only problem is that you believe that all the thoughts of people around you are fixated only on you. Selfish and smacks of something unhealthy, don’t you think? You should not worry about the opinions of others until you have learned to read their thoughts.
Be honest with yourself and live in the present.
It's up to you how you feel every day. Do you want to experience constant fear and anxiety from the thought that society will not approve of your action? Stop thinking about it. Don't worry about whether someone has reprimanded you in the past or that people will think badly of you. Live here and now and don't look around. Breathe deeply and do not forget that only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. This is the only way you can be happy. Only in this way will you understand that every person has their own opinion and only you can choose whether it will affect you or not.
Surround yourself with people who will accept you
It's just wonderful when you have friends who agree with you and will support you in any endeavor, even if your family is against it. Remember that to maintain physical and spiritual health, you must choose: either give up your dream on the advice of others, or surround yourself with people who can inspire you to find your path.
People around you are also concerned about public opinion
You are not paranoid and you are not the only one. People around you also care what people think of them. So the next time someone criticizes you, put yourself in their shoes. Perhaps you did something that this person has long dreamed of and did not dare to do. And now they just want to bring you back to earth. Remember this, and then it will become easier for you to endure criticism and understand the motives of the actions of others.
Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and admit that you are surrounded by people just like you. They also have problems, they also worry about criticism, they are not perfect either. There are no perfect people who never make mistakes. It’s just that someone, once he stumbles, stops for the rest of his life, and someone, having stepped over his mistake, follows his dream. Let public opinion will not become a stopper in your development, and you will still show this world where crayfish spend the winter.
Are you dependent on the opinions of others?