The loss of a loved one is always great sorrow for every person. And getting through it is not easy for some. The question is how to survive such grief and what to do if you die close person, interests many. After all, sooner or later, every person will face the loss of loved ones.
How do relatives feel?
Sometimes a person gets sick long time, and you know that he will soon be gone, but still, when this happens, it’s hard to come to terms with the loss.
There is nothing you can do about it, you can only come to terms with it and move on with your life.
In many cases, due to the death of a family member, people experience the following emotions:
- guilt;
- feeling of unfulfilled duty;
- loss of emotional connections.
Such thoughts usually lead to severe stress. Thinking about the fact that you will never see this person again, grief immediately sets in.
And it’s impossible to live normally with her, because people close to her simply drown in despondency. This state is natural.
Over time, all this will pass, and you will move on with your life, just as before. Just remember - no matter what happens, life goes on.
And your loved ones will help you survive the grief. You should communicate with him more, don’t be afraid to share your inner experiences, and it will definitely become much easier for you.
Stages that a person experiences after loss
In order to cope with the loss of a loved one, you will have to go through several stages. Primary stage- nine days after the death of a loved one. During these nine gloating days, shock is mostly felt, everyone falls into some kind of stupor.
The second stage lasts up to 40 days. Its essence lies precisely in the fact that loved ones cannot come to terms with the loss.
Often, they have dreams with someone who is no longer alive. And when they wake up, they realize that this is only a dream phenomenon, and it cannot be returned. Such dreams only interfere with coping with grief.
Come to terms with this phenomenon, and also with the fact that death is natural law and there is no escape from this. Continue to live and set new goals for yourself. Remember that you have people who still need you cheerful and happy.
penultimate, third stage, last up to six months. During this time, people try to come to terms with the loss in any way. And even after months there is a certain devastation, as well as a strong heartache.
It may seem that this is where life fades and ends and nothing pleases you anymore. Some people feel sorry for themselves because it seems to them that something valuable and dear to them in life has been taken away from them.
You don’t need to feel sorry for yourself all the time, think about other people, and ultimately about yourself. They may have it much worse than you.
Life goes on despite the loss of loved ones
Fourth stage is called the time one year after the death of a loved one. During this period, basically, people stop shedding tears for the deceased and learn to live in a world where there is no longer a loved one.
Now those around them are finally stopping being angry at the whole world, and relatives are beginning to forget a little that a loved one has left them.
Now everyone is able to completely calmly remember the deceased and talk about interesting moments his life to other people.
Having gone through all these four stages, your outlook on life changes dramatically. In many cases, after the last one, some people radically change their true reality.
Important to consider
Surviving death is, of course, very difficult, but time acts the best medicine. The person who left this world will forever remain in your heart. And your friends will certainly support you and help you get through this grief.
Just don’t close yourself off, talk to someone, tell about your experiences, and you will feel better. And always remember that for you, reality continues, and you only need to move forward, and not stand still.
This is the reality, nothing can be changed. So set new goals for yourself and move forward with confidence.
Death will take each of us, this is a fact, but we are more worried if a loved one dies than the thought that we ourselves will someday die.
The death of a loved one is usually a great loss, showing how attached we were to him.
When faced with this phenomenon, a person may experience various negative emotions and experience unpleasant states:
- state of shock, stupefaction, numbness, confusion. This usually happens in the first minutes after receiving sad news.
- guilt, remorse, self-flagellation - if a person believes that through his actions or inaction he has caused harm to the deceased.
- anger and anger arising from powerlessness in the face of the fact that has happened.
- loneliness and sadness, especially if a husband, wife or other family member has died.
- apathy, fatigue, reluctance to do anything.
- anxiety and fear for the future - as a result of the inability or inability to cope with the difficulties of life alone.
Other emotions and states are also possible, which, as a rule, lose their severity over time. But what to do when emotions are strong and your soul is very bad?
If someone died, what makes us suffer?
This is not a consolation, these are facts that are taken from scriptures and supplemented by the point of view of psychologists. Although, as a consolation, it will also do.
The first thing to understand is that the real tragedy is not that someone died, but that modern man became so identified with the body that he forgot his true spiritual nature. Watch the video and read articles on this topic. The soul, unlike the body, cannot die, and for the soul, death is liberation from the mortal coil, subject to disease, aging and suffering.
If a loved one dies, we suffer for the most part not because we worry about where he will go (as a soul) after death, but because of our false concept “I am the body, he is also the body,” and also because of our selfish attachment to him. Few people really worry about where the soul, freed from the material shell, will go after the death of the physical (gross) body - to heaven, hell, or even return to , we are more worried about “Who did you leave me with?!” and “How can I live without you now?!”
Therefore, we can say that Almost all suffering is caused by our egoistic attachment, or rather, the desire to receive pleasure and various benefits from the presence of a loved one or loved one who has already left this mortal body and cannot satisfy our selfish desires. IN in rare cases we suffer because we worry about where the soul will go after death. Everyone can honestly determine for themselves whether the cause of concern is this, or, after all, their own selfishness.
What exactly to do if a loved one has died
If you are asking this question, you should understand that we all - all souls - are connected to each other on a subtle level. And when we think about this or that person, or he thinks about us, contact occurs on the subtle plane or at the soul level. Moreover, it does not matter whether the person (soul) is in the body, or whether the body has already died. You need to start from this in order to act correctly.
The Vedas recommend performing a number of actions when someone is dying or has recently died. These recommendations and warnings are described in detail in the article Death. Preparation, dying and life after death, and here we will look at a few general points, for superficial acquaintance.
If you believe in God, you can read the appropriate prayers or mantras, go to church, and fulfill all other religious instructions. This is very favorable for the soul that has left the deceased body. His future fate to a certain extent depends on your prayers and religious rituals.
If you don't believe in God, but if you admit the possibility that the soul is eternal and does not die during the death of the body, the following will do:
If you feel guilty towards the soul that left the body, ask for its forgiveness. This involves sincere repentance for your wrongdoings and a humble request for forgiveness. This must be done as long as you feel the need, that is, as long as the feeling of guilt persists.
- wish happiness to the departed person (that is, the soul). Sincereness charges him with positive energy, and from this he future destiny can improve significantly. By the way, yours too.
- thank your loved one (and now just your soul) for all the good things he has done for you.
- forgive him for everything that, in your opinion or feeling, he did wrong to you.
- release the soul that has left material body, since she is no longer part of this world. You cannot bring her back, and your constant thoughts about your deceased loved one bother him and may prevent him from cutting off the thread of affection for you. This will not make you or your deceased relative any better.
What not to do if a loved one dies
Since we are all interconnected on a subtle level, your excessive emotions and endless conversations about the deceased person cause him anxiety. And according to the law of karma, if we cause trouble to someone, it will be returned to us. In addition, with our excessive emotions and conversations about the death of a loved one, we draw other people with whom we talk about these topics into a negative frame of mind, and they (in a negative frame of mind) once again also remember the person who died, thereby causing him even more concern, in addition to you. You are karmicly responsible for this. Don't make things worse for yourself, others and souls who have left the body. The payback for such behavior may be serious illnesses and other troubles.
Seminar "Stronger than death", Evgeniy Koinov
To understand more about this complex and very important topic, I suggest watching a video recording of one of Evgeniy Koinov’s seminars, which is called “ Stronger than death" and answers the most important questions:
What is death, why is it needed and what will happen after it?
- How to get rid of the fear of death and properly prepare for the “transition”?
How to properly leave a body and what to do if a loved one leaves the body?
- Where does the soul go after death and how does it receive a new body?
- What is said about death in the Vedas and in the main world religions?
The duration of the seminar “Stronger than Death” is 2 hours 43 minutes, but you can also find more compact videos where everything is presented more briefly. Evgeny Koynov is a Vedic lecturer and gives various seminars in different countries peace. A logical continuation of the lecture “Stronger than Death” will be Evgeniy Koinov’s seminar “Prayer as Awakening”, because these two topics are interconnected: prayer practice will help escape from the clutches of death material world and return forever to the kingdom of God. Prayer counts essential component any spiritual practices, and thanks to this, a person’s life can change greatly in a short period of time, because sincere prayers are a direct connection with God, who controls all aspects of this world and our lives.
And as a consolation
It is not given to us to know why a person dies of illness in his youth, or why he dies a stupid death, just as it is not given to us to know where he will go after the death of his body. Perhaps he worked out bad things in this body, and now he is supposed to be born in a new one. healthy body, in a good family and best country, or even on the heavenly planets. Or maybe he completed his last mission in this mortal world, and returned him home - to spiritual world. Only deeply spiritual people and sages can roughly determine where the soul of the deceased will go, but even they can make mistakes, since the ways of the Lord are inscrutable.
If someone close to you is dying or has recently died, read the article Vedas about death: preparation, dying and life after death , very interesting and important information, a reminder to all living.
The material of the article is based on Vedic and esoteric materials.
Discuss on the esoteric forum :
The loss of a loved one is always a great grief for every person. And getting through it is not easy for some. The question of how to survive such grief and what to do if a loved one has died interests many. After all, sooner or later, every person will face the loss of loved ones.
How do relatives feel?
Sometimes a person is sick for a long time, and you know that he will soon pass away, but still, when this happens, it is difficult to come to terms with the loss.
There is nothing you can do about it, you can only come to terms with it and move on with your life.
In many cases, due to the death of a family member, people experience the following emotions:
- guilt;
- feeling of unfulfilled duty;
- loss of emotional connections.
Such thoughts usually lead to severe stress. Thinking about the fact that you will never see this person again, grief immediately sets in.
And it’s impossible to live normally with her, since loved ones are simply drowning in despondency. This state is natural.
Over time, all this will pass, and you will move on with your life, just as before. Just remember - no matter what happens, life goes on.
And your loved ones will help you survive the grief. You should communicate with him more, don’t be afraid to share your inner experiences, and it will definitely become much easier for you.
Stages that a person experiences after loss
In order to cope with the loss of a loved one, you will have to go through several stages. Primary stage- nine days after the death of a loved one. During these nine gloating days, shock is mostly felt, everyone falls into some kind of stupor.
The second stage lasts up to 40 days. Its essence lies precisely in the fact that loved ones cannot come to terms with the loss.
Often, they have dreams with someone who is no longer alive. And when they wake up, they realize that this is only a dream phenomenon, and it cannot be returned. Such dreams only interfere with coping with grief.
Come to terms with this phenomenon, and also with the fact that death is a natural law and there is no escape from it. Continue to live and set new goals for yourself. Remember that you have people who still need you cheerful and happy.
penultimate, third stage, lasts up to six months. During this time, people try to come to terms with the loss in any way. And even months later, there is a certain devastation, as well as severe mental pain.
It may seem that this is where life fades and ends and nothing pleases you anymore. Some people feel sorry for themselves because it seems to them that something valuable and dear to them in life has been taken away from them.
You don’t need to feel sorry for yourself all the time, think about other people, and ultimately about yourself. They may have it much worse than you.
Read also
Each of us has faced a situation when it was vital to support...
Life goes on despite the loss of loved ones
Fourth stage is called the time one year after the death of a loved one. During this period, basically, people stop shedding tears for the deceased and learn to live in a world where there is no longer a loved one.
Now those around them are finally stopping being angry at the whole world, and relatives are beginning to forget a little that a loved one has left them.
Now everyone is able to completely calmly remember the deceased and talk about interesting moments of his life to other people.
Having gone through all these four stages, your outlook on life changes dramatically. In many cases, after the last one, some people radically change their true reality.
I was very moved by my friend’s news on Li.Ru about the sudden death of her husband. You cannot always help a person with words and condolences at this moment, because his grief is so deep that it seems to be happening not here, but in the world of a feeling hidden in the very center of the soul. It is at this moment that the realization comes that you are completely alone in this world and not protected. This article talks about how you can be close to a person in trouble so that he feels your shoulder of support.
Close and beloved people leave suddenly and untimely. There is emptiness, grief and misunderstanding - how can you live, breathe, eat, talk if your loved one is not nearby and will never be there again. The mind says that we must live on, but it is not clear how.
There is a long period ahead, which we must not only survive, but learn to smile and enjoy life again. But that will happen later, but for now we need to accept the loss and realize it. And then gradually restore your emotional and mental state.
In this state, a person is faced with a complex of feelings: sadness, loneliness, loss, anger due to his own powerlessness, disappointment and resentment at fate. If a person believes that he did not do or say something important, then a feeling of guilt develops, which can grow to self-flagellation. Invading loneliness brings with it the fear of life without a loved one and anxiety based on one’s own lack of independence. Feelings can be aggravated by physical and mental fatigue, which can cause apathy, lethargy and reluctance to do anything. In the worst cases, all these feelings can lead to despair, which can last for a very long time. But most often in the first hours and days after loss, people experience shock, which, like defensive reaction, accompanied by confusion and numbness of emotions.
Fortunately for mental health, most of these feelings are strong only at first, and then weaken. Otherwise, they can cause severe depression and the development of phobias. In this case, the help of a doctor is necessary.
The first emotion that a person experiences upon learning of the death of a loved one is disbelief. With this feeling, the human psyche protects itself from the destructive effects of grief and gives it time to prepare and cope with it.
But when information about death penetrates the consciousness, it begins to become confused. It is difficult for a person to concentrate, thoughts jump, and forgetfulness appears. Often a person becomes self-absorbed and detached.
In this state, a person begins to be haunted by intrusive memories. A person remembers the deceased himself, the events associated with him. If death did not occur before his eyes, then the person begins to imagine a picture of death, inventing details and details.
After the troubles associated with the funeral are over, and surrounding life will flow in the usual way, there will be a feeling of the presence of the deceased, a feeling that nothing has changed, he just left and will now return.
This sensation can be so strong that it results in auditory and visual hallucinations. A person may see a dead person. He hears his voice and can even enter into an invented dialogue.
Grief is not easy emotional condition. It fills all thoughts, everything living space. Severe stress makes a person constantly think about the deceased, remember life together, talk to him mentally about what was left unsaid during his lifetime. All a person’s thoughts and emotions are occupied only with grief, so it is very difficult for him to concentrate on anything else. And if other people do not share his grief with him, then a person can withdraw and become fixated on his negative emotions.
Strong emotions undoubtedly influence physical state person. The nervous and cardiovascular systems are primarily affected. Rising arterial pressure, heaviness of the chest and tightness in the throat, dizziness, chills appear. Heart pain bothers me. Then stress has a detrimental effect on the condition gastrointestinal tract. Possible disorders, pain, nausea, constipation. If stress becomes prolonged, it may cause psychosomatic diseases, which will acquire an acute form, and if the situation is not stabilized in time, they will turn into complex problems with health.
A severe emotional state can affect your night's rest. Sleep may become restless, often interrupted, even leading to insomnia. Daytime experiences can turn into nightmares.
Each person experiences grief differently depending on the characteristics of their psyche and emotional stability. One withdraws into himself and does not want to communicate with other people. Another, on the contrary, feels the need to constantly talk and listen about the deceased, and may even reproach other relatives for the insufficient, in his opinion, degree of grief and sorrow. You should not try to correct or adjust the person’s behavior at this moment. Unfortunately, everyone can only survive their grief themselves, and their psyche knows how to do this with minimal damage to their health.
Death is a part of our life. Everyone knows that from birth a person is doomed to old age and death. Everything will end someday, but human life is fleeting and often ends senselessly and cruelly.
The loss of a loved one makes us think about the frailty of existence, about the temporary nature of our stay on this earth. And the question arises about the meaning of our existence. And when searching for an answer to this question, our attitude to life is revised. Thoughts about the transience of life inspire us with a desire to change something in it, and the real possibility of losing loved ones encourages us to treat them better now.
Unfortunately, even our most beloved people are mortal. Psychologists provide several recommendations to reduce the consequences of grief and stress:
1. Accept the loss. Realize and accept that the person has left your life forever and will never return.
2. Fight pain through pain. You need to immerse yourself in it completely, but not avoid it. You need to let your emotions flow as they please - cry, scream, hit things. Let the anger and pain come out.
3. Rebuild your life on your own, without the deceased.
4. Fill the void with relationships with other people. You are capable of loving others, and that's okay. There shouldn’t be emptiness, you just need to let another person in there. After all, the deceased probably wanted you to be happy.
5. The resentment over the unfair death will pass, the psyche will recover from the trauma, and you will again begin to optimistically believe in the light of life.
How to help a loved one who has suffered loss
1. A person must throw out all negative emotions. Your task is to listen patiently about the deceased, about his death. The more that is said, the faster the understanding of what happened will occur.
2. Speak up yourself. Don’t be afraid to stir up sleeping memories, otherwise they may freeze in your soul like a painful lump.
3. Speak sincerely. Let you not speak beautifully, but avoid offensive patterns.
4. Keep in touch regularly. Moreover, call yourself and come often. Since a person in such a state cannot maintain contact on his own, then take on this work yourself.
5. Provide all possible assistance. A person in a state of absent-mindedness cannot even wash the dishes. Keep him company when leaving the house, for example to the store. Prepare lunch and make him eat.
6. Show compassion - your loved one needs it.
If your loved one is terminally ill, accepting that they will soon be gone can be incredibly difficult. Knowing what to expect can make things easier.
This article examines 11 signs that death is approaching and discusses ways to cope with the death of a loved one.
How to understand that he is dying
When a person is terminally ill, they may be in hospital or receiving palliative care. It is important for loved ones to know the signs of approaching death.
Human behavior before death
Eats less
As a person approaches death, he becomes less active. This means that it the body requires less energy than before. He practically stops eating or drinking as his appetite gradually decreases.
Those caring for a dying person should allow the person to eat only when he is hungry. Offer the patient ice (or fruit ice) to maintain hydration levels. A person may stop eating completely a few days before death. When this happens, you can try using a moisturizing balm on your lips to prevent drying out.
Sleeps more
During the 2 or 3 months before death, a person begins to spend more and more time sleeping. Lack of wakefulness is due to the fact that the metabolism becomes weaker. No metabolic energy
Anyone caring for a dying loved one should do everything they can to ensure their sleep is comfortable. When the patient has energy, you can try to encourage him to move or get out of bed and walk around to avoid bedsores.
Tired of people
The energy of the dying person fades away. He can't spend as much time with other people as he used to. Perhaps your company will also weigh on him.
Vital signs change
As a person approaches death, their vital signs may change as follows:
- Decreasing blood pressure
- Breathing changes
- Heartbeat becomes irregular
- Pulse weak
- Urine may be brown or rusty in color
Toilet habits are changing
As a dying person eats and drinks less, their bowel movements may become smaller. This applies to both solid waste, and urine. When a person completely refuses food and water, he stops using the toilet.
These changes may be upsetting to loved ones, but they are to be expected. Perhaps the hospital will install a special catheter that will alleviate the situation.
Muscles lose their strength
In the days leading up to death, a person's muscles become weak. Muscle weakness means that an individual will not be able to perform even simple tasks that were previously possible. For example, drinking from a cup, turning over in bed, and so on. If this happens to a dying person, loved ones should help them lift things or turn over in bed.
Body temperature decreases
When a person dies, his blood circulation deteriorates, so the blood concentrates in internal organs. This means that not enough blood will flow to the arms and legs.
Reduced blood circulation means that a dying person's skin will become cold to the touch. It may also appear pale or mottled with blue and purple spots. A person who is dying may not feel cold. But if this does happen, offer him a blanket or blanket.
Consciousness is confused
When a person dies, their brain is still very active. However sometimes those who are near death begin to become confused or express their thoughts incorrectly. This happens when a person loses control over what is happening around him.
Breathing changes
Dying people often have breathing problems. It may become more frequent or, conversely, deep and slow. The dying person may not have enough air, and the breathing itself often becomes erratic.
If the person caring for your loved one notices this, there is no need to worry. This is a normal part of the dying process, and usually does not cause pain to the dying person. In addition, if you have any concerns about this, you can always consult a doctor.
Painful sensations appear
It can be difficult to come to terms with the inevitable fact that a person's pain levels may increase as they approach death. Seeing a painful expression on a person's face or hearing the groans a patient makes is, of course, not easy. A person caring for a dying loved one should talk to their doctor about the use of pain medications. The doctor can try to make this process as comfortable as possible.
Hallucinations appear
It is quite common for dying people to experience visions or Although this may seem quite frightening, there is no need to worry. It is better not to try to change the patient’s opinion about visions, to convince him, as this will most likely only cause additional difficulties.
How to survive the last hours with a loved one?
With the onset of death, human organs stop working, and all processes in the body stop. All you can do in this situation is just be there. Show you care and try to do last hours making the dying person as comfortable as possible.
Continue to talk to the dying person until he passes, because often the dying person hears everything that is happening around him until the last minute.
Other signs of death
If a dying person is connected to a heart rate monitor, loved ones will be able to see when their heart stops beating, signaling death.
Other signs of death include:
- No pulse
- Lack of breathing
- No muscle tension
- Fixed eyes
- Emptying your bowel or bladder
- Closing the eyelids
After confirming the death of a person, loved ones will be able to spend some time with someone who was dear to them. Once they say goodbye, the family usually contacts the funeral home. The funeral home will then take the person's body and prepare it for burial. When a person dies in a hospice or hospital, staff contact the funeral home on behalf of the family.
How to cope with the loss of a loved one?
Even when death was expected, it is extremely difficult to come to terms with it. It is important that people give themselves time and space to grieve. Don't give up on the support of friends and family either.