Why insist on own point Is vision so important for some people? What makes them voluptuously prove that they are right? Where does the obsessive desire to argue come from and how to make it stop ruining your life?
My husband just loves to argue. At home, at work or in the company of friends - he will find an opponent everywhere. When he thinks that a person is wrong, he will definitely correct his interlocutor and will persistently continue to argue if he does not agree with him.
“I don’t think it’s bad,” he replies to all my persuasion to quit this habit. – This is the desire to explain to a person that he is mistaken. After all, I argue in an area where I am a professional, where I know exactly what I’m talking about.”
But sometimes his obsessive desire to argue goes beyond all boundaries. It has gotten to the point that in the company of our mutual friends, everyone moves away from him or is looking for an excuse to quickly leave the party when he arrives. “They are simply afraid of an intelligent interlocutor,” my husband notes self-confidently.
Who are they - those who like to argue?
Why is insisting on your own point of view so important for some people? What makes them voluptuously prove that they are right? Let's try to figure this out with the help of System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.
Every person from birth has certain sets mental properties– vectors that are responsible for a person’s interests, his motives of behavior and desires. For example, a person who is passionate about argument has...
From the outside it may seem that a person with an anal vector is always looking for an opportunity to argue, but this is not entirely true. Valuable concepts for him are truth and honesty. An anal person maintains order and precision in everything: in any statements, judgments and views. Measure twice, cut once - that's about him. The more difficult it is for him to remain on the sidelines when another makes a mistake in front of his eyes. If he believes that his interlocutor is wrong, then sometimes he cannot remain silent, since strong tension arises inside his psyche. At such moments, he simply needs to correct the mistake at all costs, that is, to prove to the person that he is wrong.
Finding a mistake or a fly in the ointment, separating right from wrong, clean from dirty, is the natural task of any person with an anal vector. Possessing excellent memory and a thirst for knowledge, he can study and remember large amounts of information. This allows the bearer of the anal vector to become a professional in his field, a real master, able to see the slightest inaccuracies and blots.
I like it when my opinion is respected
Another important feature of the owner of the anal vector is respect for authoritative opinion. A person with an anal vector always respects his mentors and the older generation. He is a connecting thread between the past and the future, taking knowledge from his ancestors and passing it on to the new generation. Therefore, experience is a significant category for him, and experienced person makes you want to listen and follow advice.
However, it is no less important for the owner of the anal vector that his opinion is also valued and respected, because respect and honor are his values. He shows undisguised sympathy for those who listen to his opinion. But sometimes life circumstances or cargo psychological problems does not allow an anal person to fully realize himself. Sometimes it is not possible to get a decent job where his professionalism will be valued and respected. And sometimes there is no ability, no education, no desire at all. In this case, he feels dissatisfied and tries to compensate for his frustration: it becomes even more important for him to show that he is an authority for others, so he begins to impose his view of life on others, proving that he is right.
I won't go to kindergarten, mom.
“Stubborn and stubborn” - this is what they say about avid debaters with an anal vector. The roots of stubbornness often begin in early childhood.
Anal children are very obedient. They do everything correctly, scrupulously and efficiently in order to receive praise and approval from their dear and beloved mother. But it happens that a mother does not have an anal vector and has a completely opposite type of psyche -. Every minute is important for her, she does everything quickly, instantly switching from one task to another, and often simply does not understand her slow child.
Such a skinny mother may not listen to the anal baby, interrupt, rush, and due to her natural tendency to save words and emotions, not even praise the child. As a result of such an attitude on the part of the mother, the child with the anal vector simply falls into a stupor. He pouts his lips, gets offended, becomes stubborn and mutters under his breath, insisting: “I won’t go to kindergarten, mom.”
Unfortunately, from such, at first glance, trivial childhood insults, a heavy load of great internal resentment against the mother accumulates. Often a person with an anal vector carries this trauma throughout his life.
When a stubborn boy grows into an adult man, he constantly clings to every opportunity to be right, engaging in pointless arguments. Unconsciously, he is not arguing with his opponent. He proves that he is right to his mother by getting stuck in past grievances, simply because he was not understood, not listened to, or praised.
I can't accept someone else's opinion
Possessing persistence and the desire to see things through to the end, a person with the anal vector will often not give in in an argument, making every effort to end up being the only one in the right. Being the best, ideal is another value in life for such a person.
Moreover, even if during an argument it becomes obvious to a person with an anal vector that he is not entirely right, it is quite difficult for him to admit it. In this regard, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals to us another aspect of the psyche of such a person.
The fact is that accepting everything new, including an opinion that is unusual for oneself, is stressful for any carrier of the anal vector. He needs to get used not only to new external conditions, but also to a new thought, new information. Someone else’s opinion is not his own, it is very difficult to accept. Therefore, it takes time to adapt to a different point of view.
What a disgrace!
The reluctance to admit one's mistake is aggravated by the fear of embarrassing oneself in front of other people. This fear can only arise in a person with an anal vector. Hence the fear of public speaking.
Therefore, during an argument, a person with an anal vector stands his ground. Otherwise, he risks being wrong, that is, imperfect, and this means a loss of authority - a shame. For anal man this is a huge mental stress from which he unconsciously tries to protect himself.
Let's argue?
With sufficient realization at work, the carrier of the anal vector is much less likely to get carried away by unnecessary disputes, since he receives great pleasure from his activities, and not from proving his rightness to everyone who disagrees.
The correct implementation of the properties given by nature gives a person the opportunity to engage in the activity for which he was born. So, for example, a person with an anal vector finds himself perfectly in teaching or any editorial work. In the profession of a teacher, mentor or coach, more than anywhere else, it is necessary to be able to teach, transfer your knowledge and skills to others and, of course, correct inaccuracies.
Understanding yourself and others changes your life
Realizing everything true motives avid debaters with the help system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan, we are beginning to understand their behavior. There is no longer any irritation when a colleague or one of your relatives starts arguing with you. Moreover, you begin to deeply understand the person and speak the same language with him, so he no longer has the need to constantly prove something to you.
Finding systems thinking, the owner of the anal vector himself realizes real reasons your behavior. Long-term grievances disappear once and for all, innate properties are used constructively, so the desire to enter into another meaningless argument no longer comes. They're talking about it
Why does a person constantly argue?
Over the course of my life, I have come to the conclusion that you should not get involved with such people and explain to them that you are right, even if you are 100% right. I don’t know how right this is, but it’s easier for me to save my strength and energy, which I can direct to other things, and not to arguments and worries.
If a woman constantly argues, then with a probability of more than 90% we can say that she has serious problems. Women tend to throw out their negativity through emotional conversations and correspondence. At the moment of arguments, she forgets about her more global problems that bother her.
Why does a woman who constantly argues want to leave the last word behind you? She simply believes that if she said the last word, then she is right. Even if you clearly show her that she is wrong, she will answer or write 10 times more than you, just to divert the conversation from an adequate dialogue into her crazy monologue. Her task is to bring you down to her level of market conversation, where adequate and cultured person has no chance to prove that he is right. It’s useless to “bazaar” with such a “Baba”. Leave the unfortunate person alone. Let him live in his own world.
If a man likes to argue, then most likely he is just bored and cannot fully realize himself in this life, but he would really like to. So he’s trying to out-argue everyone. This is especially true for small bosses who imagine themselves to be cool leaders or moderators on some sites (without hints). IN in this case can still be found mutual language with such a man, just hinting at how smart he is. Any man loves this)
If a person constantly argues, then if it is a woman, it is better not to even get involved. If this is a man, then you need to first praise him, which will reduce his aggression, and then move on to a constructive dialogue, not forgetting to nod your head where necessary.
Let's start with the fact that all people are different. And they behave differently in the given circumstances. That's what makes them interesting.
If a person argues for the sake of arguing, then this is a feature of his character, which may be a manifestation of increased pride, a desire to be understood at all costs, a heightened sense of justice, and sometimes the inability to control one’s emotions and stop in time. Therefore, it seems that this person definitely wants to have the last word, although he may not think about it. This is undoubtedly an emotional, restless person.
And arguing for the sake of arguing, without having solid arguments and fundamental reasons, is not very productive, a waste of time and nerves.
You should communicate with such a person using facts and maintaining composure and, most importantly, without losing self-esteem, without trying to “bite” more painfully, be sure to convince, in short - calmly and level-headedly. Sometimes you need to be able to stop and understand whether it makes sense to continue the argument.
Sometimes a person defends his positions and principles to the last, standing up for justice, seeking justice, fighting against callousness of judgment or formalism, sometimes even realizing the futility of his efforts. Nowadays this can be a very reckless activity. And this is still better than being a “vegetable”, led by a person following the lead of more strong in spirit or a more talkative (eloquent) person.
It is always easier to be a “slave”; they will tell him what to do. And “keeping quiet” is always safer. It’s more difficult for a freedom-loving and principled person, especially when he defends his position with a person in power (at any level), but that’s why he’s a person. And this man is not indifferent.
Remark: It is unlawful to distinguish disputants based on gender. There are enough of both. It is not yet known whether there are more women or men.