I didn’t push the traffic police officer, but simply blew into the pipe he offered, which he held in his hand. After which he flew away.
I threw my loan payments in the face of the cashier Sidorova so that she would choke! And she choked...
I punched my neighbor Sidorkin in the eye because of his naked appearance in my bed with his flushed wife, who, by the way, was also mine.
Yesterday, August 19, 2012, I fell off my horse, didn’t get enough sleep and was late.
I met Roman at work, where we quietly became participants in a whirlwind romance, interrupted by an accidental pregnancy at the most interesting place.
I skipped the first two days because my mother-in-law won the Moskvich - they celebrated, and then I drank for two weeks out of grief that it wasn’t me who won.
On the way to work, I stopped at a tent for cigarettes, where I was treated to a glass of vodka and an erroneous minor concussion.
I did not drive a vehicle while intoxicated. It drove itself. So there is nothing to punish me for.
While soaping the rope, I wanted to show my mother-in-law the advantages of laundry soap over current washing powders.
As I pulled down the swimming trunks of the swimmers in the pool, I wanted their bodies to breathe.
I tore out the toilet in Citizen Sidorova’s apartment not by the roots, but with screws, because toilets never have roots.
We approached citizen V. and asked for a smoke, to which he replied that he knew karate. Upset that we were not allowed to smoke, we began to cry and, wiping our tears, accidentally touched citizen V. in the face. At the same time, citizen V. himself gave us money so that we could wipe our tears with it.
I have absolutely nothing to add to what Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy said in “War and Peace” on pages 34, 36 and 348.
I called my neighbor Elton John because he sings loudly in the evenings and prevents me from listening to my wife’s reproaches.
I was 40 minutes late for work because I don't wear makeup. And in the first forty minutes of working time, everyone still applies makeup.
I was late for work because I don't smoke. As an obligatory person, I went out early and on the still dark street I was injured by some hooligans who just wanted to smoke. The nearest first aid station was closed, so I had to wash the wound with vodka. This is why I smell of alcohol, have a black eye, have problems with speech and have lost coordination. In general, I don’t use it.
I was late for work because I have the ability to dream and am highly professional. This morning I dreamed that Bill Gates big problems. I had to look at such a dream from a professional point of view.
I was three hours late because... after yesterday's corporate holiday, in your honor, by the way, I came to my senses on a bench in the park in Tver. How I got there, I don’t know.
In the morning, as usual, I got dressed and got ready to leave the house. I stepped over the bed and got caught on a girl, and in order to unhook I had to undress again. This procedure took some time, as a result of which I was late for work.
Yesterday my wife was fired from work for drinking! And this is after 10 years of my life spent on this work. We decided to celebrate this. And today I was caught at the factory entrance. That's why I was late.
I was three hours late because in the morning I had a dream that the balance had finally come together. The consequence of this was a series of powerful uncontrollable orgasms. Please get into the situation.
I have read the protocol and agree, for which I regret.
I made moonshine for myself, since I have a heart attack and can’t drink anything other than moonshine.
After my shift, I hid in the women's locker room not for the purpose of spying, but out of the humorous nature of my slightly tipsy state of mind.
After two glasses of alcohol, I worked normally on the machine. But this was not enough for the workshop foreman, and he disgraced me with a loud reprimand.
After accidentally scalding my private part with soup, I lightly doused my grief with wine to the point of delirium tremens.
After my wife’s betrayal, I couldn’t find a place for myself, and only a week-long binge distracted me from a heart attack.
Made the first last truancy in my life.
I didn’t know what amount the bribe starts at, so I ended up being an insult human dignity official.
On June 18 and 19 I was not at work because I was drunk. I undertake not to drink until the Youth Day holiday.
I took it at my own expense, since after the advance I need to come to my senses. And in general, the bosses should know that after the advance and pay, I need days of rest.
I was drunk at work because I work as a garage manager.
I didn't go to work on Monday good reason lack of hangover in the body.
We did not drink, but officially took a sample of the alcohol that arrived at the base. But there were a lot of flasks, and we tried.
I responded to his comments with a physical argument on my impudent face so that he would not poke his nose into my family problems.
I came to work almost sober, but I accidentally got carried away, for which I wildly apologize while I’m still in my right mind.
He stood in the change house, leaning his elbow on his knee, smoking.
I wasn’t drunk, I mistakenly drank my grandmother’s medicine instead of tea, and it was all alcohol.
I didn’t have time to complete the paperwork because I’m married.
The Russian news said they had a day off. I didn't know we weren't with them.
I didn’t dilute the milk... I just accidentally dropped a kettle of water into the flask... Moreover, twice a day...
Yes, while on the train I drank vodka and swore, because that’s what you have to do on the train!
Dear Dmitry Viktorovich! Congratulate me - I slept well!
I, guard senior warrant officer of special forces Matveev, can explain the following regarding being late for duty. As always, I woke up at 5.30, ran a ten-kilometer cross-country race, did 200 push-ups, 100 pull-ups, and then took an ice-cold shower. Then he had breakfast, cleaned his boots, ironed his camouflage, put it on, put on his unloading gear, equipped it with clips, grenades, took a pistol, a machine gun, put on a helmet, applied war paint to his face, put on gloves, looked in the mirror before leaving... and shit himself!
Explanatory note from the locomotive driver:
Yes, I was only 5 hours late for work. I looked at the snowdrops. BUT if I had not looked at them, I would have been late for the whole spring.
I am systematically late, because I believe that everything related to work needs to be approached systematically.
Yesterday I couldn’t show up at work because my brother came to see me the night before, we stayed up late and drank a little. I was late for work on September 6, 2006, because there was a fly in our apartment that kept me from sleeping all night and all morning.
I'm late because you haven't paid your wages on time for months! If you are indignant, I will quit altogether!
I was late because... I drank very, very hot tea, my bladder burst and I scalded my feet.
I saw the sad face of a pedestrian slowly floating past, and then he hit my windshield.
Quotes from reports and memos on the Perly.ru website
The selection also contains quotes from various references, minutes of meetings, reports and other wonderful documents.
1. On December 4, turner Sidorkin was sober at work, which forced him to exceed the plan and mark the occasion with a three-day absence.
2. When I told Ryabova that she was short of 1,500 rubles, she cursed me with motherly words in last year’s prices.
3. Petrov, drinking alcohol instead of water, showed negligence: he washed it down with acid.
4. We did not fulfill the scrap metal plan. There is a lot of scrap at the SMU base, but the shepherd drove the detachment into a chimney and kept the pioneers there until twelve o'clock in the afternoon. (From the pioneer leader’s report)
5. Carpenter Travkin was absent from his workplace for more than an hour, settling his divorce from his wife in the locker room without an exculpatory reason. (From the report)
6. After her payday, Savkova went to work with beatings all over her face and other abnormalities in appearance. (From memo)
7. There were no strangers. Sitnikov A.A. was delayed by 23 minutes. He was probably decorating the Christmas tree. L.S. Dyudkin came out, then came back in, and immediately came back out dissatisfied. He probably wanted to ask Sitnikov for money for the bus. There were no further incidents. (Entry in the log book)
8. We ask you to remove two heads from the guard, otherwise it will even be mentally difficult for him. (From the report)
9. Receipt. It is given that I, crane operator N.V. Pryakhin, undertake not to consume any paints or other technical liquids as alcohol substitutes.
10. We heard: about the beating of his wife by mechanic N. Fedorov while drunk. Resolved: Leave the question open until the next beating. (From the decision of the trade union committee)
11. The certificate is given that the above citizen has suffered from urinary incontinence since 1958, as certified by the neighbors living below.
12. Help. It is given to Ilya Erofeevich Varlamov that he really is a member of the collective farm. He worked as a storekeeper, and in this position he became a thief. The collective farm sent him to study for a year-long course to improve the qualifications of management personnel.
13. Since the speaker did not appear, we began the meeting immediately with a debate on the report. (From the report)
14. We notify you that the address of the communication center of the police department has moved to a new address... /from a circular letter from the police department/
15. Engineer Bulkin used industrial alcohol to wash the bodies of line telecommunications fitters. (From a memo)
16. Shepherd Kulkov treated his duties dishonestly - more than once he dismissed his flock and even mated his sheep with neighboring shepherds.
17. Every client gets a great treat! (From the social obligations of bathhouse workers)
18. Korovin A.M., a watchman at a fish cooperative, was intoxicated in the second half of the night. He untied the guard dog from the warehouse and tied it to the guard box to protect himself, thereby violating the regulations guard service. (From order)
19. Between the teams of the bus depot and the regional drama theater there have been long-standing friendly relations. Theatergoers are the first to invite bus workers to the premiere, and they, in turn, provide them with a free troupe carriage in case of need, such as touring the region. (From the report of the cultural department)
20. Fitter A. Zinoviev got drunk to such an extent that it was dangerous to take him to the sobering-up center, and I limited myself to oral conversation. (From the report)
21. We discussed the results of the activities of Petrovskaya E.V. There were no comments, the book of reviews contained only gratitude. They decided: to keep comrade. Petrovskaya E.V. 50 percent of the bonus for keeping a dog at home. (From the decision of the trade union committee)
22. General meeting decided: for violation of labor discipline and coming to work while drunk, milkmaid Skidanova should be given a bonus, but if it happens again, she will be fired. (From the minutes of the meeting)
23. Anna Petrovna! Take lectures from the machine bureau" Best Practices treatment of dementia" (10 copies) and distribute to those who do not have enough. (Memorandum from the "Knowledge" society)
24. You can find something good in every person, even the worst. To do this, he needs to be thoroughly searched... (from the instructions for police officers on duty at the police department)
25. On the night of September 7-8, the collective farm watchman fell asleep. And the wolves, knowing full well that the watchman was sleeping, decided to attack the collective farm herd and kill the mare. (From the indictment)
26. By way of toadying, they put a piece of beef to my ear. (From the auditor's memo)
27. As a result of a gross violation of safety regulations, turner Sidikhin left our team without a strong handshake. (From a memo)
28. Everyone try to acquire a constantly polite face both at work and at home. (From the obligations of bathhouse workers)
29. All members were given a clear explanation: we will not allow dismemberment in our ranks! (From the minutes of the meeting)
30. Janitor Antipov violated labor discipline in a perverted form of a week-long spree. (From a memo)
31. I would like to bring to your attention that the conditions of detention of the morgue clients, despite my comments, were inhumane and remain so to this day. Understand: we will all be there. Isn’t it nice to finally be up to your ears in shit?! (From the report)
Explanatory Yuri.
I was late for work because healthy image life! I went to work early, but due to my lack of cigarettes, I was hit hard with a tambourine. I went to the first aid station, but it was closed. Then I bought a bottle of vodka and began to wash the wound. That's why I smell like alcohol, my face is broken, and bad speech and impaired coordination of movement - the result of a concussion! I didn't drink, honestly.
Explanatory chief accountant.
I was three hours late because in the morning I had a dream that the balance had finally come together. The consequence of this was a series of powerful uncontrollable orgasms. Please get into the situation.
Explanatory Michael.
I admit that I was 6 hours late for work because yesterday I was late tasting the new line of products from the Crystal plant. In the morning, from 8-00 to 14-00, I remembered where I work, until my mother came and told me.
I can assure you that this will not happen again in the future, because... I wisely scribbled my work address and taxi phone number on the refrigerator door.
Explanatory Sergei.
I was half an hour late for work because I won’t do anything before ten anyway, we drink tea in the morning, but I can’t fit in so much.
Explanatory Anna.
I am systematically late, because I believe that everything related to work needs to be approached systematically.
Explanatory Deniski.
I was not late, but adjusted my today’s working day adequately to the inadequate yesterday and inversely proportional to the normal one.
Explanatory Pavel.
On September 8, 2006, I was late for work because, before taking my child to kindergarten, he had an urge at the most inopportune time for the most inopportune need. The delay time corresponds to the duration of the same physiological process. This case can be attributed to circumstances force majeure, i.e. force majeure, since they do not depend on my desire to be on time for work.
Explanatory Victor.
I'm late because you haven't paid your wages on time for months! If you are indignant, I will quit altogether!
Explanatory note by Yuri Yuryevich.
I was late for service. The reasons for this unseemly act are very mysterious and are rooted rather in the realm of the irrational, therefore I am unable to give any acceptable explanation for what happened. As a person of fine mental organization, I cannot help but feel the full depth of my fall, but the same reason will hardly allow me to even think about a possible relapse in the future.
I suggest:
1. Consider what happened as a misunderstanding,
2. Treat me condescendingly, especially since I have already received my share of mental torment (see above).
Explanatory beginner.
I am a newbie, working at your company for the second day. Since today is Monday, a hard day after the weekend, I took the subway and arrived at my old job. And only by my surprised look former director I realized that I had come to the wrong place.
Explanatory Sergo.
I was late because... I drank very, very hot tea, my bladder burst and I scalded my feet.
Explanatory note from the loader
Yesterday my wife was fired from work for drinking! And this is after 10 years of my life spent on this work. We decided to celebrate this. And today I was caught at the factory entrance. That's why I was late.
Explanatory note from the senior warrant officer.
I, guard senior senior warrant officer of special forces Matveev, can explain the following regarding being late for duty. As always, I woke up at 5.30, ran a 10-kilometer cross-country race, did 200 push-ups, 100 pull-ups, and then took an ice-cold shower. Then he had breakfast, cleaned his boots, ironed his camouflage, put it on, put on his unloading gear, equipped it with clips, grenades, took a pistol, a machine gun, put on a helmet, put on war paint, put on gloves, before leaving he looked in the mirror and shit himself with fear.
Explanatory programmer.
In the morning, as usual, I got dressed and got ready to leave the house. I stepped over the bed and got caught on a girl, and in order to unhook I had to undress again. This procedure took some time, as a result of which I was late for work.
Explanatory note from an FSB officer.
On the morning of August 8, 2006, I was late for work because I got stuck in a traffic jam on the subway.
Explanatory note from the system administrator.
I was late for work because I slept on the job and saw how Microsoft went bankrupt. I couldn't help but watch it.