This is the foundation of a child's well-being and the key to success as an adult. At any age, your actions depend on your self-esteem. Parents are the main source of a child's self-esteem. One of your jobs as educators is to instill a positive inner image in your child and help him grow up to be able to cope with life's obstacles and be able to enjoy life.
A lack of a positive internal image very often leads to behavior problems. Most behavior problems, as I could understand during consultations, stem from a lack of mutual understanding between parents and children. Why is it a pleasure to be with one person, while another seems to weigh you down? How people evaluate themselves, how they treat others, how they do in school, what they achieve at work, and how they behave in marriage - all this depends on the strength of their internal image.
A healthy sense of self-esteem does not mean being narcissistic or arrogant; This is a person who has a realistic understanding of his own strengths and weaknesses, enjoys his opportunities and does not give in to problems. It is necessary to instill self-confidence in a child, because there is a close connection between how a person perceives himself and how others perceive him.

Throughout their lives, children are exposed to positive influences (creators) and negative influences (destroyers). Parents can teach their children to listen to the creators and help them work among the destroyers.

Together we will push Humpty Dumpty aside.
You spend the early years building your child's self-confidence. You spend the ensuing years defending it. Many vulnerable children need protection in difficult situations. I researched five year old Thomas to see if he could go to school. Thomas was a sensitive child whose mother spent years helping him develop a strong sense of self-esteem. We engaged in a philosophical conversation about the long-term benefits of anchoring parenting, and Thomas was understandably fed up. It started hanging on my scales - the expensive scales that sat on top of the exam chart. My first thought was about the safety of my table. I thought I was taking more risks than Thomas, so I said rather firmly, “Thomas, would you be so kind as to stop hanging on the scale?” Thomas was taken aback, but his mother added a compensating remark: “... because you are very strong.” She knew how to see the world through the eyes of a child.

1. Practice of the “attached” education method
Imagine a child who spends many hours a day in his mother's arms; whom she breastfeeds at the first signal and responds sympathetically to his cries. How do you imagine the feelings of such a child?
Undoubtedly, this child feels that he is loved and appreciated. An infant raised in this highly sensitive manner develops the capacity for self-esteem. He loves what he feels.

A lively response is the key to building a child’s self-esteem. The baby makes a signal, such as crying, to be fed or calmed down. The mother answers quickly and consistently. As the signal-response sequence is repeated thousands of times during the first year of life, the child understands that his signals matter - “If someone listens to me, then I deserve attention.”
Of course, you may not always respond quickly or consistently; some day you will not have enough patience or will be overcome by fatigue. However, infants choose their dominant parenting style and form their impressions. As your child grows, this style becomes important to his development. In order for a child to learn and cope with failures, this type of communication will teach him to adapt to changes.
A child who is in close contact with his parents is raised to be sensitive, he controls his environment and knows what to expect. On the other hand, a child who is out of contact feels confused. If his needs are not met and his signals go unanswered, he may decide that the signals are not worth giving at all. This leads the child to conclude: “I don’t deserve attention. Those around me support me out of mercy, and I can do nothing to get closer to them.”
We emphasize the importance of timely response because the brain develops very rapidly during the first two years. This is the period when the child develops patterns of associations, patterns of behavior, and creates an image of a signal and event. For example, a child raises his hands, and the parent responds by picking him up. Repetition reinforces this behavior in the child's mind, and eventually emotions, positive or negative, become firmly associated with it, mainly with a positive feeling of "fairness". The feeling of well-being becomes part of the child himself.
Children, accustomed to the mental comfort and sense of peace that they gain from an "attachment" upbringing, spend the rest of their lives in a way that preserves this feeling. They can remember this right feeling after temporary breaks. These older people cope better with obstacles in life because they are active and able to restore the sense of peace of mind that has penetrated deep into their own consciousness. They may fall a lot, but they always get back on their feet. This concept is especially true for a child overcoming obstacles or one entering the world with natural talent. Children who have not developed a sense of well-being in early childhood struggle to find it. But they don't know exactly what they are looking for because the feeling is unfamiliar to them. This explains why some children raised early in the anchoring method develop well despite family problems.
Game of catch-up. “What if I don’t have practice in parenting using the “attachment” method?” - you may ask. Don't create additional difficulties. Children are able to recover quickly, so it is never too late to create a child’s inner world. This type of education connects the components of self-esteem and can restore them. Nevertheless, the earlier this connection begins, the more successful it is and the stronger the result is (see “Restoring Contact”).

2. Improve your own self-confidence
Parenting is therapy. By caring for your child, you often heal yourself. In our practice, there was a case when a mother with a difficult child once said: “My baby brings out the best and the worst in me.” If there are problems in your past that affect your parenting process, seek help from a psychologist to confront them.

A child's self-esteem is acquired, not inherited. Some characteristics of upbringing and character traits (for example, courage and cowardice) are acquired in each generation. Having a child gives you the chance to become a parent. If you yourself have a poor inner world and feel that your upbringing is partly to blame for this (usually this is the case), you need to take steps to overcome this and break the existing image.
Try this exercise (doctors call it “passing on the best, abandoning the rest”): first, list certain factors that your parents followed in shaping your inner world. Then highlight what weakened your character during your upbringing. Now imitate positive trends and avoid repeating negative ones. If you find it difficult to cope with this exercise on your own, seek help from a specialist. Both you and your child will benefit.
Don't be too hard on your parents. They probably did the best they could under the circumstances and at the time. I remember one day my grandmother said to her daughter: “I have been a good mother to you. I followed the instructions the doctor gave me exactly." The grown-up daughter felt that some of her existing problems stemmed from the attitudes she received as a child. I expressed my opinion that the mother is not to blame because the prevailing practice in each period of time is to follow specific guidelines for raising children. However, a mother of the nineties more easily becomes a specialist in raising her own child.

"Polish your mirror." No one can maintain a happy expression twenty-four hours a day, but the child reacts sensitively to any change. He looks at you as if in a mirror where his own feelings are reflected. If you are worried, your face cannot radiate joy. In the early period of development, the formation of the child is deeply connected with the personality of the mother, and on this basis mutual understanding is created. What image do you show your baby? Would you see the troubled person behind the false façade? Matthew, filled with gratitude to his mother, wrote: “I love being with my mother most when she is happy.” Children broadcast your unhappiness, implying that you are unhappy with them. Even babies know that their parents' good mood keeps them going. As they get older, they may even come to feel responsible for the happiness of their parents.
If you are experiencing depression or anxiety, seek help to deal with it before it affects your child.
Martha's Note:“Shortly after the birth of our eighth child, I was overwhelmed with two babies in diapers and raising four older children. My stress showed on my face, I was frankly a dejected person. Fortunately, I realized that this is how children see me. I didn't want them to grow up thinking that being a mother wasn't fun or that it made me unhappy. I sought help, managed my own feelings, and polished my mirror so that the children could see their best selves in it.”

To tease or not to tease
Quite often I called our oldest daughter “Our rock in life.” I thought that by teasing her I was being cute. Hayden thought differently. I perceived it as light domestic humor; Hayden treated it like an insult. Hayden was very worried. And finally she had to tell me: “Dad, you repeated this many times, and each time I said that I didn’t like it. Please stop". If you decide to joke with others, be careful about who the joke is directed at. Consider how a joke might make a child nervous and upset. Do not make the subject of a joke something that is unpleasant for the child. It's rude and harmful.
While you cannot be with your child all the time and protect him from all attacks, you must make your home a safe zone. Don't let peers tease each other. Older brothers can be merciless towards the youngest. Act as a buffer against adults and neighborhood children who come into your home and hurt your children's tender feelings through teasing words or tone of voice. Put the question in such a way that the teasing neighbor does not appear in your house.

3. Be an overtly positive reflection.
Most children develop a sense of self-worth not only from what they think about themselves, but also from what others think about them. This is especially true for preschool children, who learn about themselves from their parents' reactions. What images do you convey to your child, positive or negative? Are you giving him the idea that you are glad to be with him? Do his views and desires matter to you? Do you like his behavior?

When you give your child a positive reflection, he knows he did good. He will also readily accept your reprimand if his behavior is incorrect. It becomes an educational tool. “All I have to do is look at him a certain way and he stops misbehaving,” one mother said at my appointment. She enriched the child's self-awareness with positive feelings, and the boy took advantage of this by accepting her signals. When a mother shows with all her appearance that she is dissatisfied, the child does not like the feeling that arises. He quickly changes his behavior to restore good feelings.
You cannot be cheerful all the time because you are a living person. The child should know that parents also have difficult days. Children can see the truth behind the fake cheerfulness. Your sensitivity towards your child increases his sensitivity towards you. And someday it will be able to boost your self-confidence.

4. Play with your child
You will learn a lot about your child and yourself while playing. Playtime sends the message to the child: “You are worthy of being spent time with. You are a significant person." Children learn as they play. Instead of spending play time doing chores, use it only to interact with your baby.

Let your child start the game. An important teaching principle for parents to remember is that an action initiated by a child can hold his attention longer. Learning will be easier if the child chooses what to do. A game started by a child increases his self-esteem: “Father likes what I do!” Of course, you may be thinking, “Oh no, I won’t play with blocks anymore,” or “We’ve read that story twenty times!” You will get tired of Puss in Boots much sooner than your child. If you want to bring something new to an old game, add changes, get creative. Stop talking about the book, for example, like this: “What will you do if Puss in Boots walks through our door now?” Or find a new way to use an old toy: “Let's turn this tower of blocks into a car garage.”

Raise your child to be sensitive and receptive. While playing, focus your attention on the child. If you're with your child and you're thinking about work, the child will sense it and neither of you will benefit from the time you spend together. The child will lose the meaning of communicating with you. For him, this will be a signal that he is not important to you. You lose the opportunity to teach your child and enjoy communication with him. I remember how much fun six-month-old Matthew and I got from “playing circle.” I would sit Matthew in front of me with a few of his favorite toys (his and mine) and make a circle with my legs around him. This space held him up as he was just starting to sit up and provided support if he started to fall to his side. Matthew had my full attention. He felt especially, and so did I. The sounds the child made were very funny.

Parents need playful communication with their child. As a busy person, I had little time to get down to the child's level and enjoy his haphazard and seemingly unproductive play. After all, I had so many “more important” things to do. Once I realized how much we could benefit, this special time became significant. The game turned into medicine for me. I needed some time to focus on this important little person who, without knowing it, taught me to relax. The game helped me recognize Matthew, his character and his capabilities at each stage of development. The child and parent open up to each other during the game. Having meaningful relationships is very rewarding.
Playing with your child seems to level you out and helps you look at the world through his eyes. Save time for enjoyment and simple pleasure from the game. The game is an investment. You may think that you are "wasting time" playing with blocks when you could be "doing something." Many adults struggle with giving themselves permission to do their own thing. Of course, you shouldn't play with your baby all day long, and your baby doesn't want to. After reaching the age of eighteen months, the child needs you less and less. When you raise a new person, you are doing the most important job in the world. What may seem more meaningless to you than long sessions with your child. However, consider your gaming time as the best investment. The most interesting thing is to do something together. Parents need playful communication with their child. As a busy person, I had little time to get down to the child's level and enjoy his haphazard and seemingly unproductive play. After all, I had so many “more important” things to do. Once I realized how much we could benefit, this special time became significant. The game turned into medicine for me. I needed some time to focus on this important little person who, without knowing it, taught me to relax. The game helped me recognize Matthew, his character and his capabilities at each stage of development. The child and parent open up to each other during the game. Having meaningful relationships is very rewarding.
Playing with your child seems to level you out and helps you look at the world through his eyes. Save time for enjoyment and simple pleasure from the game. The game is an investment. You may think that you are "wasting time" playing with blocks when you could be "doing something." Many adults struggle with giving themselves permission to do their own thing. Of course, you shouldn't play with your baby all day long, and your baby doesn't want to. After reaching the age of eighteen months, the child needs you less and less. When you raise a new person, you are doing the most important job in the world. What may seem more meaningless to you than long sessions with your child. However, consider your gaming time as the best investment. It is most interesting to do something together with a small child, and he will become interested in doing things with you when he grows up. As your child grows, you can involve him in your activities and work, this will be the best reward for him.

Responsibility in nurturing a child's self-esteem
No parenting book would be worth anything if it didn't have a section on a child's self-esteem. Still, we have concerns that not all parents will correctly interpret the meaning of this concept and decide that this is another problem that they need to solve along with regular meals and a warm winter coat. Children defend themselves against anything that might undermine their sense of self-worth, even when it becomes funny (“Oh, Billy, you're singing wrong. Change the key.”). They measure self-esteem daily, like someone takes their temperature (“Julia has low self-esteem today. Her older brother beat her at checkers last night.”).
Self-esteem is necessary for every child. Like a gardener growing a tree, you must nurture this feeling by providing your child with an environment that allows him to grow strong and resilient. You cannot develop a child's self-esteem just by praising him. Much in the educational process is simple and interesting. Hold your baby more, respond to his needs, enjoy him. Self-esteem will develop naturally.

5. Call your child by name
What's in a name? This is a person, this is a personality - big or small. I still remember my grandfather who showed me how to use and remember people's names.
This lesson has shown its benefits. Once, when I was a new medical student, I was assigned to a summer internship despite the opportunity to hire experienced specialists. After I completed the task, I asked why they hired me even though I was less qualified than my competitors. “Because you remembered and called all your clients by name,” they answered me. Address your child by name, especially during visual and tactile contact, excluding “special” addresses. Using another person's name opens doors, breaks down barriers, and even makes parenting adjustments easier.
Children learn the connection between their name and the message you give them, and between the name and the behavior you demand. Parents often use a diminutive name or just the first name in casual dialogue: “Jimmy, I like what you do.” They reinforce the message by using the full name to make the message deeper: “Dame Michel Sears, stop it!” One child we've heard about thinks his full name is a "crazy name" because he hears it when his parents are angry with him.
We have noticed that self-confident children more often address peers and adults by name or title. Their sense of self-worth allows them to be more open when communicating with others. As I was writing this section, my two-year-old daughter Laura ran up to my desk chirping, “Hi, Dad!” The addition of “dad” impressed me more than the impersonal “hi!” A school-age child who is able to address adults by name has an easier time getting help when needed.

6. Practice the principle of transference
Help develop your child's talent. He may be good at something, for example, a two-year-old* is great at throwing picnics for dolls, and a ten-year-old loves ballet. Over the past few years, we have noticed a phenomenon we call the “transfer principle.” This means that enjoying one's own activities stimulates the development of the child's inner consciousness and covers different types of activities. One of our sons was a natural athlete, but the coaches weren't interested. Using the principle of transference, we encouraged his passion for sports and at the same time supported him when working with coaches.
His performance at school improved, and his self-confidence grew accordingly. Uncover your child's talents and help him develop them. Then you will be able to observe the blossoming of a harmonious person.

7. Guide your child to succeed.
Help your child develop talents and acquire skills as part of parenting. If you discover negative tendencies in your child that he should not have, do not encourage their development. Be careful that you are not overloading him with activities. Strike a balance between helping and protecting. Both processes are necessary. If you don't encourage your child to try to be independent, his skills will not develop and you will lose a valuable creator. If you don't protect your child from unrealistic expectations, their sense of self-fulfillment will be compromised.

Avoid Comparative Valuation
Children measure their own value by how they feel and how others evaluate them. Your child may only throw 400 on the pitching team, but he won't feel comfortable if his teammates can throw 500. Make sure your child understands that you are judging him on who he is, not on who he is. how he does it. Do this by giving your child lots of eye contact, touching, and focusing his attention. In other words, behave regardless of the outcome of the game or challenge.
Don't expect your child to excel at sports, music, or science just because you want him to. He can only surpass himself. He needs to know that your love for him does not depend on how you evaluate the quality of his work. This is a serious test for parents that must be overcome wisely.

Wall of Achievement
Our Sire family has a gallery of achievements. The walls of the house display evidence of our children's aspirations and achievements; Every child is good at something. Disclose, encourage and model this in your family. If you don't have such a wall in your home, your child won't be able to demonstrate his progress. As children get older and look around, they see their achievements from previous years. This gives them a lift, especially during times when their sense of self-worth is unstable.

8. Teach your child at home how to behave on the street.
During the parenting process, you may decide that your child needs to interact with children at different levels in order to make independent choices for himself. This may sound nice, or at least politically correct, but its simplicity just doesn't work. It is like a ship going to sea without a rudder or captain. The likelihood of such a vessel reaching the destination port will be negligible. Children are too valuable to be left to chance.
Protect your child from someone else's intrusion into his inner world. By anchoring your child during the first three years and maintaining a close bond in subsequent years, you give him a solid foundation of understanding his importance in the home, in his family, and in his relationships with others. The child develops by following and interacting with the mind, experience and knowledge of his parents, so he can be released into the urban "jungle" without the risk of being "eaten alive." Having received a strong foundation, feeling the protection and support of family, the child will be able to choose his own path and stand firmly on it. Even if he experiments a little, as all children do, he will find his way again.
Take a closer look at your child's friends, especially those under the age of ten. A child’s moral values ​​and his life concept depend on the people who matter to him in life: relatives, coaches, teachers and friends. Parents should know those who influence the child's character and encourage communication with those who influence him positively. Monitor your child's relationships with friends. First let him choose his friends, and then observe their relationships. Check his feelings. Is he peaceful or irritated? Is he compatible with his new friend? The combination of a passive and a strong personality is good if a strong friend pulls your child up, not down. Children raised using the “attachment” method are more likely than others to evaluate their partners for compatibility. Parents should be attentive to their child’s choices and constantly monitor their social circle.
The roots of a child's self-awareness originate in the home, in the family and in the environment of the people raising him. After the age of six, peer influence increases greatly. The deeper the roots of children's self-esteem are laid at home, the better children are prepared to interact with peers. They know how to behave with peers they like to play with and those who cause them problems. As anchored children grow up, they are better prepared to interact with others (family, neighbors, grandparents, preschoolers) using a variety of rules. For healthy social development, a child first needs to learn to be at peace with himself, and then with others.
Stick to home rules. Under normal conditions, a child develops from the known to the unknown. He makes new experiments in basically the same way as he learns to be independent. It is completely normal for a child to periodically return to the comfort of home or family, and then be thrown back into the “jungle” of the unknown. It is very important for any child to have a strong base, a foundation that is formed by the education system using the “attachment” method. Parents are often interested in what degree of attachment to them is considered normal. Review the problem in a year. If you see that your child is not becoming more socially active, this may be a warning sign. But if you see forward movement, it means that your child is simply developing socially. Based on his personality, he forms a small circle of significant and deep relationships, instead of creating countless superficial acquaintances.

Host your child's friends at home
Invite your child's friends over to the house. This may ruin the cleanliness, but don't worry. Gathering friends will help you see the child in a new aspect: determine the degree of adaptation in social terms, identify behavior that requires improvement or correction. You will have the opportunity for immediate educational intervention in order to give a personal lesson to your child or conduct a conversation if the entire team needs correction.

9. Control the influence of school on your child
Some schools can be dangerous for a child's emotional health. The choice of school (if any) should be carefully considered. The child meets peers who have different levels of upbringing and levels of “attachment,” so his expectations may not be met at school. If a child is reliably connected with his parents and has a strong inner core, then the new forms of communication that he encounters in a social group will not radically affect him.
At the age of about six years, when a child begins to actively acquire basic knowledge of communication, the adults around him begin to influence his life. Their opinion is often enough to influence the formation and assessment of behavior patterns. The child's social environment offers a wide opportunity to choose a significant personality. Now parents must be vigilant to understand whose behavior the child is modeling. This greatly reduces the importance of parents as educators. There are two extremes possible here. On the one hand, there are parents who allow their child to try out different behavioral systems as he grows, so he is more open. On the other hand, there are parents who want to protect their child from any influence and ideals different from their own beliefs, while the child grows up in a closed atmosphere.
Usually the right choice lies between these two extremes. Parents who are overprotective can end up raising a very vulnerable child, unable to think for themselves and subject to the influence of others' temptations and judgments. Somewhere in the middle are parents who lay down a solid system of criteria in their child and strengthen it, since it may collide with another system. A child who has had his own stable system of criteria since childhood is able to better evaluate someone else’s, received from peers and teachers. The essence of the issue is that the child develops a belief system that allows him to act. He is not a leaf floating down a river, taking the path of least resistance, and ending up in a great sea of ​​uncertainty. Many people stumble at times throughout the rest of their lives, lacking the foundations that should have been formed in infancy and early childhood.

Parents, do not be complacently misled by applying the term “hidden” to middle-aged children. This is not the time to sit back and become careless in parenting matters. This is the age when a child develops a conscience and learns your values ​​in life. The formation of their own standards occurs gradually, through interactions with peers, other families and teachers, as well as through relationships with neighbors and friendships. They discover a big world with a variety of behavior styles. A belated attempt to instill your criteria in a teenager, whose main task at this stage is to develop his own values, may be unsuccessful. The best way to instill your criteria in a teenager is a “heart-to-heart conversation” about his life position.

Lost shortcuts
“I’m an asthmatic,” seven-year-old Greg told me proudly when I asked him why he came to see me. It is true that Greg suffered from asthma, but this problem was easier to overcome than the emotional impact of this label. A few doses of the bronchial dilator, and his shortness of breath went away, but the tag remained. I told Greg's mother in a private conversation that the child had two problems: the problem of the illness itself and the problem of the family's reaction to the illness.
Every child looks for something special in themselves and uses it as a trademark that attracts a lot of attention. The word "asthmatic" became Greg's label, and he used it often. All day long everything revolved around his illness, the family focused on this side of Greg's personality, and not on himself. Instead of compassion, the siblings grew tired of planning their lives around Greg's asthma. They couldn't travel because it would tire their brother. The disease became a family disease, and everyone except Greg was forced into roles they didn't like.
Removing Greg's tag was easy. I could handle Greg's asthma. And together with the family, we made sure that the word “asthmatic” was not the main thing in Greg’s description.

Book: Your child from birth to 10 years

Uncertainty in the choice of clothing, shyness, and self-doubt are factors that lead to indecision. This quality prevents you from living a free life. Often success, the choice of something, etc., depend on our decision.

Many people do not know how to develop determination and free themselves from this bad quality. We will try to reveal as succinctly as possible all the nuances related to the answer to this question.

What it is?

Decisiveness is a natural state. It is necessary every second to get out of different situations, as well as to make decisions. Fear and uncertainty often block this quality. A person is lost, worried, and cannot gather his thoughts together. After which panic and disturbance of the nervous system appear.

A decisive person is always confident in himself, knows how to show perseverance, and the ability to make decisions. Such people have no fear. Anyone can have determination. You need to learn to trust your intuition, be independent and responsible.

A person independently controls his character by feelings and the presence of certain qualities. It is up to him to decide whether to be decisive or constantly become a coward in the face of any situation.

People who lack this quality find it very difficult to live, work, have fun, and make decisions. Often these creatures are unhappy, do not advance in their careers, and are unlucky.

The peculiarity of determination is that it is associated with many qualities. Among these are:

• Luck;
• Mind control;
• Strength of will;
• Confidence.

It is impossible to be indecisive and brave at the same time. The above points appear only in a strong person who knows how to lead and control all qualities. Often such people are not cowardly; they know how to control their minds and move forward, achieving their goals.

Courage and determination

As is clear from what was written above, courage and determination are interconnected. These feelings are only strong when there is no fear. After all, it can create the illusion that such qualities are absent in us. You need to develop courage, then you will learn to make decisions quickly.

For example, when you come to the store for your next purchase and try on several different clothes, you need to immediately make a decision in favor of one of them. You don’t need to spend half an hour thinking about which items to give preference to.

The same applies to the workplace. When your boss notices your self-confidence and courage, he will be happy to reward you with a new position.

Persistence and determination

Willpower is completely connected with the ability to decisively accept life's shocks. To improve your situation, you must develop persistence. To do this, you need to consider a number of tips.

If you want your child to grow up with good qualities and a strong character, it is necessary to give your child the opportunity to take initiative from early childhood. In the future, he will persistently solve problems, without a burden on his shoulders.

Learn to find a way out on your own. By adopting certain methods to achieve a goal, determination and perseverance are generated automatically. As a result, your character will be strengthened, and these qualities will make your life much easier.

It is very important to be successful in the decisions you make. Therefore, you should first set yourself simple tasks.

Basic activities for developing determination

A person who does not provide a quality way out of a situation does not have determination. The result is uncertainty, slowness, poor performance, constant hesitation, and lack of courage. In such cases, prompt assistance will be required. It is necessary to cultivate this important state of mind and body.

Useful tips, look:

Several steps to help develop determination:

• Practice independent exit and position;
• Courage in decision making;
• Overcoming laziness;
• Work on yourself;
• Setting and achieving goals.

Don't show your insecurities in the workplace. You should take on any duties. As a result, resistance to difficulties and stress will develop. Accordingly, the development of courage is guaranteed.

Laziness is the main obstacle to achieving a goal. It needs to be overcome first. Your own motivation and the words “I can”, “I will do it” will help you cope with laziness.

Working on yourself and your qualities will help you find a way out of any situation. You can't give up. If you still fail, don’t despair. By analyzing the situation and identifying the cause, you will be smarter next time.

Trust yourself

Try not to listen to the opinions of others. First of all, you need to learn to trust yourself. The inner message often directs the mind to the right decisions. Determination is associated with self-confidence, willpower and the ability to achieve goals.

Working on yourself is not an easy task, but by doing it well, you will gain stability and strong character. First you need to listen to your heart. This is how we protect ourselves from negative influences from others.

Often, indecision is formed due to excessive care from relatives, when a person thinks that he is weak and cannot find a way out of the situation on his own. It is necessary to change stereotypes and rely only on yourself.

Don't be afraid to change. This will help you develop better character traits than you had before.

Overcome your fear

How to develop determination if the pursuit of fear prevents you from concentrating? Don't allow this insidious feeling to come to you. For convenience, you can write down on paper how much valuable you lost due to fear, so as to prevent this from happening in the future.

An indecisive person carries a lot of weight on his shoulders. If you do not want to join the ranks of such people, work on yourself. Get rid of fear, uncertainty, shyness. Be a brave, active, hardworking, relaxed and sociable person.

Bravery, courage, readiness to calmly accept and overcome difficulties - all these qualities are rightly admired by most children. How to cultivate these qualities in a child so that he is not afraid of hooligans in the yard, or angry dogs, or other possible dangers?

Fear is natural, but...

Fear is a completely normal feeling. It is the body’s natural defense mechanism against the emergence of potentially dangerous situations that can cause some damage to human health and life. It's dark outside - what if there are predators lurking there? There's a spider crawling nearby - could it bite? What these situations have in common is that fear motivates us to look for a way out, a solution to such a crisis. You can go around a dark alley along the illuminated road, brushing the spider aside. This is the great significance of fear. But people's reactions vary: fear of danger forces us to change behavior in order to avoid possible risks. And it’s completely different: if fear paralyzes a person, deprives him of his will, and turns into cowardice. And it is precisely these manifestations in the child’s character that need to be eradicated, courage, willpower and self-confidence must be instilled so that the baby can grow up to be a healthy, psychologically strong person. Then he will calmly perceive the challenges of the world around him - and instead of panic, look for a way out of a difficult situation.

You should not put pressure on a child if you see that he is sincerely afraid of something. You, the adult, know that he won’t bite because he walks on a leash and wears a muzzle. Are you aware that monsters under the bed only live in horror films? And you understand that meeting new children can bring a lot of positive emotions. But the baby is still afraid, all this is new, unknown, unusual for him - and therefore something that can be fraught with a certain danger. And if you decide to laugh at him, you will not push him to resolve his internal conflict. You shouldn’t think that hearing “coward, what are you afraid of”, the child will say “no, I’m not like that, I’m not afraid, I can handle it!” Of course, he can say something just to justify himself, but this will not change his feelings. And instead of really fighting fear, he will simply conclude: being afraid is shameful. And if so, I will continue to be afraid, but secretly (especially typical for). There is a similar reaction to comparing the baby with other children. “Look, your friend is not afraid of vaccinations, what about you?”, “What a smart girl on the playground: she was not afraid to climb on without her mother’s help - not like you...” - these phrases only aggravate the problem. After all, they make the baby feel bad, which can lead to the development of complexes and even neuroses.

Support and teach independence

The best policy in teaching courage is to help overcome childhood fears. First, tell your child everything described above: fear is a normal feeling that all people experience. And you should not be ashamed, but fight it. You can show your baby how his body helps him with this! When a person is afraid, his heart beat and breathing increase to speed up the movement of blood and oxygen to the organs. And thanks to this, the brain is more actively looking for ways out of the crisis, and the muscles are gathering strength in order to cope with the task set by the brain as quickly as possible: run, speed up, . Of course, physiology is difficult for a 2-3 year old child to understand. But he will remember the main thing: his body will come to his aid if he learns to control his fear - not to panic and freeze in the face of danger, but to find the willpower to eliminate it. Although, of course, there is little talk. And the most important thing you can do is to develop your child’s self-confidence. Find feasible tasks in other areas, praise him for significant achievements, develop his erudition through educational books or films, send him to some sports and creative section, play out various conflict situations in a quiet home environment in roles, encourage meeting other people - the more he will have accumulated successful experience in communicating with the outside world, the calmer he will perceive those moments that can cause fear.

A separate issue is the atmosphere in the family. Psychologists will confirm: children who observe a distortion in their environment are most often afraid. Moreover, the distortion can be different. Thus, it is hardly worth explaining how conflicts and quarrels between family members affect the child. Constantly observing screams and scandals is bad for the baby’s development: his anxiety increases, he becomes restless and fearful. Therefore, try to maintain a normal degree of relationships in the family and a single direction of education - and resolve difficult situations without a little witness... But another situation is no less dangerous: if there are no conflicts, and the child is given increased attention. Another kid accidentally pushed him in the yard, and you immediately get into a squabble with his parents, protecting the child? Do you immediately pull him back the first time you try to reach out to an outdoor cat, emphasizing that you might pick up fleas or that she will scratch you? This approach to education is not the best. After all, this is a classic one, where a child is protected so much that he either withdraws into himself and begins to be afraid of everything in the world (he hasn’t learned to solve problems without mom or dad), or he starts a rebellion and stops obeying even common sense requirements (and therefore about safety there is no question). Therefore, you are obliged to gradually, as he grows up, provide him with a certain degree of freedom, allow him to make mistakes and endure!

Help, protect, tell us about yourself

Try to maintain balance everywhere. On the one hand, your child must learn to cope with fears and be able to subjugate them. But, on the other hand, he should also feel: his parents are nearby and will always help if necessary. Remember: young children have minimal life experience! And that’s why they need support from you; explain why they shouldn’t be afraid. And sometimes words are not enough - and a decisive reaction on your part is needed. If you sit with your child until he falls asleep after a nightmare, if you stand up for him in a serious conflict with another child, if you hold him when he, overcoming his fear of heights, climbs a hill, he will understand the main thing: his parents protect him, if this really necessary. This means that he will be afraid less and less often.

Your behavior is generally one of the key factors in learning courage. After all, children look to their parents as role models. If a mother screams at the sight of a mouse, why would you expect anything different from a little girl? If dad cannot calmly and honorably respond to a rude person on the street, falling into a stupor, then how can a son learn to cope with such situations? Remember: the child is watching you! Children under 2-3 years old do not distinguish between good and bad. For them, everything their parents do is an example that should be copied. Just don't overdo it - don't try to create the image of a fearless person. Did we say that fear is natural? Bring this to your child by personal example. Tell us how scared you were in this or that situation (no matter whether the child witnessed it or it happened a long time ago) and how you came out of it, overcoming your fear and subordinating it to your willpower. Explain that you were afraid of a specific danger, but figured out how to minimize the risk by insuring yourself against troubles - and now you can treat the incident with humor that you were afraid of it in vain. Such experience (as, by the way, examples from fairy tales and cartoons with a detailed analysis of their plot) is extremely useful for a child. If comparison with children can make one feel complex, then comparison with parents or favorite characters motivates them - the child always wants to be like them!

P.S. Be sure to teach your child to sense the boundaries of what is acceptable! Still, fear keeps us from taking unnecessary risks. And sometimes the smartest decision is to refuse a potentially dangerous development of the situation. Confidence in one’s abilities is good, but it should not be confused with self-confidence, because a person who overly believes in one’s abilities exposes himself and others to unjustified risks.

Tell us, how do you teach your child to be brave and courageous in dangerous, stressful situations?

10 64602
Leave comments 21

Now every self-respecting person would like to understand how to cultivate courage in a child using it to achieve incredible success and happiness in all matters. After all, courage plays a very important role in our lives, but not everyone understands this and does not specifically know how to cultivate courage. Therefore, today we will discuss this issue with you, giving you only the most important and effective ways so that everyone can develop and nurture courage in a child , using it later for your own purposes.

First what do you need to start and raise courage in children, is to imagine how many new opportunities will open up for you, as well as create sufficient motivation to achieve results without giving up at the slightest problems and mistakes. Start by simply imagining the new life that will come to you when you can cultivate the courage that will help you on the path to success and happiness. Imagine a real picture of your life, what you have become, how people began to treat you, what successes you began to achieve, what new opportunities you have. Then you will definitely want to implement all this in real life and cultivate courage. Also, in order not to lose heart when various problems arise, you need to build a strong enough motivation that will help you go further towards your goal without wasting time on unnecessary things, and then you can easily cultivate courage.

Problems

To educate the boy has courage, first of all, you need to overcome all your problems. To do this, you first need to find out which ones exist at a given time, and start fighting them as early as possible. Since if you can get rid of such serious problems much earlier, then in the future any problem that arises in your life will no longer be so dangerous and difficult for you. To do this, you need to know that any problem that appears must be destroyed as soon as possible, since without doing this, the problem will become very serious, and it will be much more difficult to deal with it. If you want to develop courage, learn to deal with your problems and you will be happy.

Fear

In order to instill courage in a child, you absolutely need to get rid of your fears, which will definitely hinder you not only in this, but also in general from developing and becoming better. An easy way to overcome fear is to find all your fears, write them down on a piece of paper and begin to fight them one by one. To overcome fear, whatever it may be, you just need to do absolutely everything that you are afraid of thanks to your willpower, which you need to put together. And when you deal with one of your main fears in this way, then it will be much simpler, easier and faster for you to deal with all the others.

If this method is too cruel for you, and you don’t have enough strength and courage To do this, you still need to try to do exactly what you are afraid of, because by walking away and ignoring your fears, you make them even more terrible. Therefore, the sooner you start doing at least a little of what you are afraid of, the sooner and easier it will be for you to get rid of all your fears, and in the future this will help you develop courage.

Risk

It is risk that helps a person to feed the necessary energy, which helps to cultivate courage. But not every person is eager to take risks, because of his fear, and the wrong way of thinking that was instilled in us as children. After all, without risk it is impossible to achieve great success and happiness; not a single successful and rich person has yet been able to make his huge capital and build happiness in life without risk. Of course, there are moments where it is not even worth taking unnecessary risks, this is our health and the health of our family and children.

But when we talk about success in business and in matters related to money, it is impossible to make even a very small capital without risk. Therefore, if you are still afraid to take risks, then start, at least with very small things that you wouldn’t mind losing if you lose. Since there are people who were afraid to take risks and did not have initial capital, but they still risked their time and achieved success. Take risks and you can develop the courage that you will definitely need.

Find your purpose

Also, in order to cultivate courage and more, you need to find your purpose and meaning in life. Since not everyone was able to do this, but those who could achieved great happiness and success. Everyone can find their own meaning in life, but not everyone strives for this because of simple laziness, fear, and also problems that absolutely every person encounters, no matter what he does. You just need to be able to or learn how to solve them as early as possible. And then problems will not limit you to go about your business, and you will be able to cultivate courage and achieve your dreams.

That's all what we were going to talk to you about today is how to cultivate courage. By applying all the methods and advice given in the article in practice, you will incredibly quickly be able to not only develop courage, but also be able to begin to achieve your goals and success, and also have the opportunity to find your purpose and meaning in life.

Instructions

Become honest and truthful. Always start with the truth. Telling the truth is not easy. It takes inner strength and courage to go beyond one's own boundaries and conventions. If you deny your narrowness and limitations, you remain cowardly, complex, and timid.

Do what your heart tells you. Sometimes fear keeps us from actions that seem irrational at first glance; we put off what we are afraid to do in our hearts. It is necessary to step forward immediately.

Believe in the help of higher powers. Faith is capable of miracles; for the sake of faith, people and cities died. What are you willing to do for your faith? Knowing that higher powers always help us in difficult times will allow us to be one step closer to the truth. A simple one is capable of courage and instills confidence in the correctness of the decision made.

See failures as positive experiences. Reflect on your mistakes and mistakes and consider them from the point of view of nurturing your strengths. Taking action, regardless of the end result, is much more than mere inaction.

Timid and indecisive people are usually passive and shy. Timidity prevents them from realizing their dreams, achieving success in their careers and personal lives. The life of a timid person is boring and full of routine. But it can be made interesting if you become a little bolder.

You will need

• diary

Instructions

Think about what you would do if you were a little more determined. What dreams would you make come true? Write down all your unrealized plans in your diary. For each task, choose a date when you can do it. List all the reasons why you cannot do it. And write how you can eliminate all the circumstances and reasons that prevent you from realizing your dream. Try to eliminate the causes gradually to achieve your goal.

Try changing your image. Changing your hairstyle, clothes, or communication style will entail a change in your worldview. You will change as a person. This will make you become bolder on a subconscious level.

Think about why you . You are probably afraid of losing your importance in case of embarrassment. This is the main reason for shyness. But after a day, no one will remember your action. People are more interested in their own problems. Don't think about what others will think of you.

Learn to be sociable. Don't be shy to talk to strangers, tell them something. This will allow you to become more open in terms of communication and gain self-confidence. Gradually this will become a habit.

Become a risk taker. Do something you never thought about before. For example, ride a roller coaster, take a parachute jump. Make new friends, visit new places. Discover something new and interesting every day. The series will take over you, and you will not want to return to yours.

Watch people. Look at how they solve their problems and how they behave. Think about how they would solve your problems, what methods they would use. Look how brave they are. In a difficult situation, imagine that there is a specific person in your place, and act like him.

Think every morning about what you have achieved, how many obstacles you have already overcome. Instill in yourself that your self-confidence is growing day by day. And remember that " courage takes the city."

Video on the topic

note

Do not show excessive or unnecessary courage. This could be a bad thing.

Helpful advice

Try to show courage where no one knows you.

Sources:

• Selfhacker.ru Life hack, self-development and the desire for a better life.

Humans use their eyes to receive most of the information about the world around them. But he can also give it away with his gaze. A person with a developed power of vision has an almost hypnotic ability to persuade other people. Such people are very persistent in their decisions. In order to develop such an ability, months of training are needed.

Instructions

Learn to relax. For such training you need to be able to relax quickly and correctly. In many psychological trainings you can notice this feature. There are several ways to learn how to relax correctly and quickly. Lie down as comfortably as possible and spread your arms and legs so that they are not touching each other. Don't stress, don't think. Give your body maximum relaxation. Spend a few minutes in this state. If nothing works out for you, then move on to the second method. Find or make a recording of autogenic relaxation formulas. It is aimed at many areas and organs of your body. After listening to this recording, you can easily relax.

Look at a stationary point. This is the basis of exercises to develop the power of the gaze. Draw a black dot on a piece of white paper. It should be in the center of the sheet. Move a distance of one meter and start looking intently at the point. Concentrate all your attention on this point. Try to stop the internal dialogue and be distracted by extraneous thoughts. You should also not blink during class. Train in this way for 15-20 minutes daily. After three months, move on to the next exercise.

Work with moving objects. If the point was small and motionless, now move on to moving objects. Start with one size and a small one. For example, a ping pong ball is ideal. Hang it on a thread and swing it. Concentrate your attention on it. It is not advisable to use a pendulum, as it has a certain frequency of swinging, which can put you into a hypnotic state. Gradually increase the number of balls.

Practice with a mirror. Working with a mirror seriously develops the power of your gaze. Its essence is that you should look at the bridge of your nose intently, and without blinking. It's not as simple as you might think. You can also learn to convey emotions using a mirror. A trained gaze is able to inspire one’s own emotions and moods in other people.

A person makes decisions every day. However, making a bold decision on a certain issue can sometimes be difficult. The best a person can do is to consider the maximum number of options and choose the optimal one, taking into account all the consequences.

Keep calm

Excessive emotional tension can negatively affect making a bold decision. If you are faced with the task of solving a complex problem, you must try to control your emotional state. If you feel discomfort, cannot calm down and are nervous, put this work aside for a while.

Weigh the pros and cons. Prepare a backup plan

It will be easier to make a bold decision on any complex issue if you have complete information about it. If your actions are very important, rely only on logic, do not act at random. Weigh the risks you are about to take, consider the positive and negative aspects of your actions. When making bold decisions, it is very important to see in advance what you are risking and what dividends you will receive later, this makes the job much easier.

Another way to make making a bold and important decision easier is to have a backup plan. Be prepared for any negative, unplanned results. If you know in advance what you will do in certain cases, it will be easier to make decisions.

If, after you make a decision, new information appears that changes your plans, do not be afraid to abandon your actions. Bold decisions are often difficult to make, but they should not be viewed as final.

Influence on others

Before you make any bold decision, think about how it will affect the people around you. This can greatly adjust your plans. See if there are any negative consequences for your friends and family. To reduce such risks and therefore gain greater confidence in your actions, enlist their support. This way you will take into account as many points as possible, and making a decision will be much easier and safer. What seems to be the only correct decision may not be the best. Even if you are completely confident in yourself, and the chosen course of action promises great success, consider alternative paths. Make a complete list of these paths and then evaluate each of them. For ease of assessment, the list can be physically written out on a piece of paper. You can always decline these options, but don't dismiss them without considering them.

Give yourself time. Important and bold decisions should not be hasty.

Take responsibility

Take responsibility for and be willing to stand up for it. If something doesn't go as you planned, you will know that the decision was made consciously and responsibly.

Video on the topic

Tip 5: What qualities do you need to develop in your son to raise a real man?

All parents want to raise their son to be a brave, honest, educated and generous man. But sometimes parents spoil their children so much that they completely forget about the main qualities that must be developed in a boy.

Activity

If your son is still very small, let him crawl on the floor, climb on various objects, and reach for something. Your task is to monitor safety, but not to prohibit it under the pretext of “you’ll kill yourself!” You will see how research and cognitive activity will be added to physical activity. Keep that interest alive.

Determination

Avoid phrases: “this is difficult for you” or “you are still small.” Let the child try. If you see that your son is ready to quit halfway, try to convince him how important it is to finish what you start. And when it works out, rejoice with him. In fact, small victories in childhood lead to big achievements in the future.

Courage

For a son to become braver, words about not being afraid of “stupid things” are not enough. Fear can only be overcome by doing what you are afraid of. Play active games with your son more often, where the plot requires you to defeat someone. Playing in the dark and in confined spaces also develops courage.

Education

Try to always answer your son's questions. It’s good if you look for answers together in encyclopedias and the Internet. Expand his horizons: tell him about interesting things and events. Develop logical thinking - forgive your son to draw his own conclusions.

Honesty

A person can be honest only if he is not afraid of being punished for telling the truth. Develop a rule in yourself: if you yourself confessed and tried to correct the mistake, then there will be no punishment. And don’t forget to praise your son for his honesty and courage.

Generosity

To prevent your son from growing up selfish, explain to him why he needs to share the most delicious things with his parents, brothers and sisters. Teach him to take care of his family, to sacrifice his interests for the sake of people, paying attention to their mood and condition (fatigue, illness, and so on).

The predominance of certain character traits in a person is determined by his temperament, upbringing, environment and life experience. First of all, you need to develop in yourself those traits that allow you to live successfully in society and comply with its laws.

Instructions

Hard work is the ability to do your job with full dedication. Very often it is the basis of well-being and success in life. You also need to develop hard work in order to overcome laziness and lack of self-confidence. For this character trait to become yours, strive for constant improvement in any activity, learn, and improve your skills. Always be optimistic about your work, be inspired by imagining its result.

Moderation is the talent of finding a middle ground between the desires of the soul and body. This quality is the key to peace of mind, health and well-being, helping not to waste energy in vain and maintaining balance in various life situations. Self-control helps to develop moderation: consciously give up extremes and accustom yourself to physical activity.

Thrift is a trait of people who are able to rationally manage not only property, but also their mental and physical resources. This character trait is useful for those who want to achieve the maximum in life. The main characteristic of a thrifty person is that he clearly distinguishes between surplus and necessity.

Calmness is the ability to maintain a sober mind and reason in any circumstances. This character trait helps a person survive in almost any dangerous situation. To maintain calm, you need to be able to control your emotions and solve problems rationally and calmly. Faith, psychological training, and education help to achieve peace of mind.