Our whole life largely depends on our decisions. Everyone understands this, but not everyone manages to make the right choice.
At times we feel like we are at a crossroads and don’t know how to make the right decision. In some situations, intuition helps, but in most cases you have to be guided by cold reason and common sense.
A few simple but effective tips will help you learn to make decisions even in the midst of the most complex and seemingly insoluble problems.
So how do you make a decision when in doubt?
1. Expand your boundaries.
One of the main mistakes that prevents you from making a choice in favor of one option or another is. We set rigid boundaries ourselves, and then try to get out of them. What are we talking about, and how to learn to make decisions?
For example, you live with your parents and decided to buy a separate apartment, but at the moment you do not have enough funds to buy a two-story mansion. Two main options immediately arise in your head: buy a mansion on credit, or stay with your parents and continue to collect the required amount.
But there is another way to make a decision - a possible alternative. For example, buy cheaper housing, move there and save for a more expensive option. This way, you will avoid problems associated with credit and living with relatives.
The first thing you need to do to learn how to make a decision is to expand the boundaries without focusing on extremes.
Even the wise Solomon once said:
“He who is hasty will stumble.”
How many times have we made the wrong choice in a hurry and then regretted it?
Before you make the right decision, calm down as much as possible and carefully weigh the pros and cons. If your phone is literally ringing off the hook with calls, and the interlocutor is simply pushing you in the back to do this or that act, be careful: you may very soon regret your rash actions. Take a timeout, ask for a delay, and don’t worry - there are not many situations in life in which delay is like death. You will see that after a short time you will clearly understand how to decide to take this or that step.
3. Get as much information as possible.
Those who want to know how to make the right choice in a given situation would do well to learn one more truth: don’t be shy to ask.
You will save money if, before an important purchase, you “shake” out of the seller everything that he can know about this product, especially about its shortcomings. You will avoid problems if, before going to the doctor, ask your friends about the results of his work. By reading product reviews, comments, or at least short summaries of films, you will save time and nerves and learn to make a decision by asking yourself whether you need it at all or not.
4. Don't get emotional.
There is nothing worse when, in a fit of anger, spouses file for divorce, or, conversely, in euphoria or an attempt to “annoy” someone, they get married and regret it a week later. – a dangerous enemy for making the right choice. At the most inopportune moment, when common sense says one thing, emotions can lead astray and ruin all plans.
How to learn to make decisions? Without giving in to emotions.
Ask yourself a question: how will my action affect my future life, and how will I look at all this in 15 minutes, in a month, in a year?
5. Stay in the dark.
There is one good way to make a decision by weakening the influence of emotions - dimming the lights.
Science has proven that lighting affects how a person reacts to various situations, and the results of these experiments are skillfully used in marketing today.
For example, most jewelry stores have very bright lighting, not only so that the buyer can clearly see the product, but also in order to provoke him to make a quick purchase. Therefore, if you are wondering how to decide to take an important step, turn on soft, dim lights in the room and be alone with your thoughts, getting rid of excessive emotions.
6. Try and make mistakes.
Yes, that's not a typo. Anyone who wants to know how to make a decision when in doubt must be prepared to make mistakes. We will not quote the great classics now, but experience comes precisely through trial and error.
How to make the right choice without getting a single bump? No way. Everyone has their own “rake,” and in this article we only tried to warn how not to step on someone else’s.
Whether you're about to prepare a presentation at work or you're having a rough day, life is full of ups and downs. Everything gets worse when you start hearing a nasty voice that constantly reminds you of your failures.
Lisa Firststone, Ph.D., researcher and author of Conquer the Critical Voice, describes this mental threat as “the critic who comments on every action” and “thoughts that relentlessly sabotage our progress.” She refers to the inner voice as a filter that ignores all the positives and focuses solely on the negatives in our lives.
This small voice manifests itself in different ways. He may whisper that you'll never get a promotion, that your date was wrong, that you'll be a terrible mother, or that you'll never be able to get your body in shape again. Sound familiar? The ability to recognize and treat yourself will help you more adequately assess reality.
What happens when you believe your inner critic?
Famous personalities like writer and director Neil Gaiman and actor Tom Hanks have stated that they often felt like they were out of place. In psychology, this is called “imposter syndrome,” and the term was first coined in a study of mental disorders in extremely successful women. With this syndrome, a person constantly wonders whether he deserves what he has.
If you go into an interview and think, “I'm going to fail because I'm nervous,” you'll focus on panicking and appear nervous. It's doubtful that a nervous candidate will seem like a good employee, so your chances of getting the job will be low. This phenomenon is called the Rosenthal or Pygmalion effect - after the character of ancient Greek mythology and the name of the psychologist who discovered this phenomenon.
Tell yourself, “I am nervous, but I will relax and do my best to answer each question.” Don't become a victim of your own prophecy from your inner critic.
Find out why the voice turns on
To resist the internal monologue, you must pay attention to why it turns on. By knowing your triggers, you can better control your reactions. In the book, Firststone emphasizes that the events to which we react negatively are not actually the main cause of stress. Problems arise during the interpretation of events that are filtered through the inner critic.
According to Firestone, it's important to remember that your inner critic isn't real. It undermines our ability to interpret events realistically and sabotages our desire for satisfaction.
Change your thinking
Our thoughts are often biased, exaggerated and disproportionate.
Ph.D., founder of the psychological movement and author of Learned Optimism writes:
Emotions come directly from what we think. If you're thinking, "I'll never get this job," you're already feeling defeated. On the other hand, if you think, “I wasn't the best at the interview, but I'll send a good test and a thank you note,” you're more likely to feel more optimistic.
Turn your critical thoughts from first person into second person:
“My idea was rejected at the meeting because I never have good ideas.” -> “Your idea was rejected because...”
This will create distance between your personality and your inner critic and help you challenge negative assessments.
Create counterbalance statements.
Someone may have had better ideas than me, but that doesn't mean I have bad ones.
I had an unproductive day, but I have had good ideas in the past and will definitely have them in the future.
Therapist Julia Hogan, in her book A Field of Dandelions, describes an exercise she uses to work with her inner voice. It is based on the fact that one person may look at a field of dandelions and see hundreds of weeds, while another will see beautiful and delicate flowers swaying in the wind. These are two ways of seeing the same picture: positive and negative.
Turn “That was the worst interview of my life” into “I didn’t do as well as I wanted, but now I know my weaknesses and can improve them.”
Be gentle with yourself
If a friend, colleague, family member, or random person on the street said to you, “You'll never do that!”, how would you react? Agree, it would be completely unacceptable to hear from an outsider “How could you think that this would be a good idea?” Then why does your inner critic allow himself to make such statements?
Allowing yourself to be overly critical affects your self-esteem, which is associated with negative thoughts. Self-Esteem and Positive Psychology author Christopher Mruk says if you've been hearing that critical voice a lot lately, it's time to spend a few evenings doing something that makes you feel confident. This may mean that it's time for you to go to the gym (hello, endorphins!) or get started. Be creative and try to find interesting ways to boost your confidence.
I know the situation is depressing, but there will be more opportunities ahead!
Life is too beautiful to let a harmful inner voice ruin it. Forgive yourself for mistakes, encourage yourself for achieving goals. By following these tips, you can reduce your critical monologue and gain confidence in life.
They say that doubt is a sign of developed intelligence and rich imagination. We doubt the correctness of actions when we realize the multivariate development of events. What to do if doubts immobilize and become torment?
“To be or not to be - that is the question. Is it worthy to endure the shame of fate without complaint? Or is it necessary to resist? Rise up, arm yourself, win. Or perish, die, fall asleep? - such doubts tormented Hamlet, the hero of Shakespeare's tragedy. The pangs of doubt are familiar to everyone. And this, indeed, is the real torment that poisons our lives.
Doubting, we mentally play out different options for the development of events in one case or another, consult with friends and loved ones, spend an incredible amount of mental strength and energy, and in the end we feel devastation, which does not allow us to rejoice, even if the result meets our expectations. As the Italian writer Silvio Pellico wrote, “...whoever likes to delve into doubts deprives his soul of strength.”
A person who gives vent to doubts, as a result, generally loses the ability to make a decision, because it implies responsibility, which people who are always doubting try to avoid. They prefer not to express, refer to someone else’s information, or avoid answering.
But telling yourself not to doubt and follow the advice “if you’re wondering whether to do it or not, it’s better not to do it” is also not a solution. The English writer Gilbert K. Chesterton ironically noted that “only materialists and madmen have no doubts.” And the Austrian diplomat S.-J. De Ligne said about this: “There are two kinds of fools: some doubt nothing, others doubt everything.”
There is another point of view on doubt, according to which it is a great shortcoming, weakness and even sin. Doubts serve as a brake on a person’s path to development and perfection. They speak of the weakness of his mind, incapable of adequate analysis, decision-making and implementation. “A mind that doubts is barren and ineffective”, “A person who doubts can be called a loser”, “Doubts deprive one of strength and take away vital energy”, “He is eaten by the worm of doubt” - such harsh statements accompany people prone to long thoughts and hesitations when solving life problems.
Doubts are conventionally divided into positive and negative. The presence of positive ones is understandable and justified. For example, we have the opportunity to open a pharmacy in our area, but we doubt it because there are already plenty of them here. An incorrect decision will lead to losses instead of the expected profit.
It’s another matter if our doubts are caused by and. These are negative doubts, the result of which is the abandonment of plans, the opportunity to realize oneself, and perhaps even a better future. William Shakespeare called such doubts traitors because: “... they deprive us of the good that we might often acquire.”
What makes us doubt
1 . There is an opinion that doubt - a state of uncertainty when we hesitate to make a judgment, to make a final choice - inherent in a person initially and is closely related to the instinct of self-preservation.
After all, when making this or that decision, we take risks. Doubt tells us that something is going or could go wrong. Our mind is not able to comprehend all the factors that can change the course of events and influence the outcome of the case. Some new insignificant detail, sudden circumstances that cannot be foreseen, can interfere with our clearly planned actions and cause big problems. As the famous Agatha Christie said to everyone, “There are always doubts, in everything. Suddenly, some factor that cannot be taken into account may appear and upset the apple cart.”
2. Lack of necessary knowledge, ability to analyze, low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence also cause doubts. They are characteristic of people who consider themselves eternal losers and therefore set themselves up in advance for a negative result. They explain their doubts with standard phrases: “Not with my happiness...”, “I still won’t succeed,” “I’m unlucky.”
Their long thoughts and hesitations, because “they want it and it’s pricking them,” usually end in retreat without trying to test themselves. It is curious that people believe in a negative outcome of a case and negative statements much more willingly than in positive ones.
3. “What will people think? What if they don’t approve?”. A person cannot make a choice because he is torn by doubts: he wants what, in his opinion, colleagues, friends, parents will condemn.
Divorce your wife or husband? Life has become unbearable, there is darkness ahead without any hope of improving relations. Fit into the noose. But what about obligations and responsibility? No one will understand, everyone will turn away.
If you made a mistake in choosing your specialty, you want to change your job - are you a fool? Where else will they pay you that much? What will we live on? Doubts of this kind are so exhausting that a person prefers to leave everything as it is.
The motto of people who have the habit of chewing the same thoughts a hundred times should be the words: “If you are afraid, don’t do it; if you do it, don’t be afraid; if you do it, don’t be sorry.”
3. Morning is wiser than evening
“Go to bed and rest; The morning is wiser than the evening!"- we remember this phrase well from children's fairy tales. Its meaning is that you don’t need to look for a way out of a difficult situation overnight and solve important problems. Fatigue and nervous tension accumulated during the day will prevent you from adequately assessing the situation. Sometimes what we struggle with unsuccessfully in the evening is easily resolved in the morning, when our strength is restored.
4. Be positive
Constantly doubting people almost always regret the decision they make, whatever it may be, and mentally replay the same situation several times, engage in self-criticism, wasting their time, strength and vital energy. But there is an opinion that doubts haunt precisely those people who have too little such energy.
But we are not our own enemy, are we? Therefore, we live here and now, forget about our past and other people’s negative experiences and concentrate on the positive, seek and fill life with positive emotions that will cover up possible negativity.
5. Do nothing
If we cannot make a choice, we will try to forget about its necessity for a while. And one fine day the decision will come to us on its own - we suddenly clearly understand what we want.