September 14, 2014 --- Anna |
For those who are faced with sudden (frequent) mood swings, who can write to themselves – “I’m constantly freaking out, but I don’t see any reason,” and often – “when I calm down, I see that I could have done without screaming / swearing / tears,” it is important figure out what happened that you started freaking out “seemingly for no reason.”
Below is a list of the 5 most popular reasons why even little things can irritate you, why you can’t get by without “crazy people,” and how to stop freaking out and getting nervous over little things.
1. Reasons – physiological.
One of the first options to consider is physiology. You need to check:
Thyroid condition
Hormonal background (hormone tests).
As a rule, if the problem is the thyroid gland, then taking medications prescribed by the doctor will help you notice a difference fairly quickly. People are becoming calmer, screaming less and less often, or “as soon as they burst into tears.”
It's corny, but true. First of all, go to the clinic.
2. The reason is a change in lifestyle.
Severe stress can cause “failures” on all fronts. In fact, if you:
Got married/got married
- changed their place of residence,
- changed jobs, social circle,
- started studying or went to work for the first time,
- recently gave birth to a child / family composition has changed,
It makes sense that you are stressed. And if you don’t listen to him carefully and don’t help yourself, then you can go quite far – with outbursts of rage or tears.
3. The reason is monotony.
Most often, those who, due to circumstances, feel the need for more variety, experience this “I’m freaking out - I can’t do anything”, with irritation at the clinking of a teaspoon or loved ones noisily drinking tea.
Routine work, the need to sit “within four walls” with a small child, “forgetting” about one’s needs (even the smallest and most banal ones - going to the cinema / theater at least once a month, meeting friends) sooner or later leads to “crazy "
4. A less obvious reason: you have entered a quiet period in your life.
This is precisely the reason that those who finally reach a psychologist or psychotherapist discover. As a rule, this period is preceded by very complex, costly relationships, difficult circumstances and traumatic events.
Once upon a time (or even recently) it was really necessary to “pull yourself together and cope.” But this does not mean that along with the traumatic events, your feelings about this also disappeared. It is highly likely that if you have experienced:
A painful divorce, the end of a difficult relationship,
- betrayal of loved ones, business partners,
- rape or attempt to rape you,
- any other events that your psyche cannot cope with,
then in a calmer environment, when everything is already behind, previously suppressed and unrecognized feelings rise up. This is normal and it goes away, either with or without the help of a specialist (longer), or with the support of friends and family. Be patient!
5. The reason is in the future.
A person’s problem may not be where he expects it to be. Plans (even for the better!), a potential move to another country, the need to apply to a university or buy an apartment - all this can cause the state of “constantly freaking out” in the present moment.
As a rule, it is enough to admit: what lies ahead of you is a truly serious, important, complex matter. And you are really worried because you want to do it well, so that everything works out for you. It is also desirable to somewhat reduce the “heat of passion”, reduce its significance, provide escape routes and various options for the development of events.
By recognizing that you are worried “about the future,” you can stop “freaking out” and constantly stressing about current little things.
Similarly, young mothers may worry about the health and well-being of the child (a good thing), but “blow the minds” of their loved ones for no particular reason.
6. The reason is the type of nervous system.
Easily excitable people, as a rule, already know about this peculiarity of theirs, and are familiar with the state of “always freaking out” from early childhood. If this condition has not manifested itself in you, and you have known it for a long time, then it is worth choosing strategies on how to act in different situations if you are “covered” or “carried over”.
Mini-instructions for those who often freak out and get nervous
a) Look at what’s going on with your health. Check your thyroid and hormones. Check whether you are taking care of yourself, whether you sleep on time, whether you eat well, whether you have enough entertainment, whether you follow a banal work and rest schedule. If there are no violations, proceed to the next point.
b) Think about how long ago the “I’m constantly freaking out” state appeared. If you have known it for a long time, develop strategies on how to be yourself in this world and continue interacting with it. If recently, see further.
c) Take a closer look at your “life line”. Imagine events in one row - past, potential future. If you have had serious difficulties and experiences in the past, treat this with respect. It takes time to “crap out” of experiences that have been stopped. If you plan to change circumstances in the future or you want to achieve a big goal, reduce its importance!
A state of constant anxiety can exhaust anyone. Living under stress that you don’t know when it will end means steadily undermining your nervous system. But how to stop, how to stop reacting to these stimuli, how not to drive yourself into this abstract cage, so as not to find a way out of it? We must immediately begin to unravel this tangle of misfortunes, only to do this we need to understand which thread to pull so as not to get even more entangled.
What to do to calm down and stop being nervous
The first thing that comes to mind is to take action. When you are inactive in response to something or someone putting pressure on you, you feel that you are allowing yourself to be crushed, trampled, and destroyed even more. When you do something, you already realize that you can also control the situation and even after some time turn it in your direction. But surprisingly, sometimes you just need to remain inactive, at least outwardly. It all depends on the nature of the stress and its cause. And let the outsiders think that the current situation has put you into a stupor, but in reality you just need time to carefully think about your further actions. Of course, it can be difficult to concentrate at a time when you are nervous, but there are a few simple techniques that will help you put all worries aside for a while. For example, you can put a notepad or just a sheet of paper in front of you, take a pen and start writing a plan on how to get out of anxiety. If you don’t have a pen or paper at hand, you can open any application on your smartphone that would allow you to write a list. It could be an electronic notepad, a text editor, or even just a calendar. The latter is preferable when you need to schedule a specific action for a specific date or hour. The same manipulations can be done on a tablet, laptop or home computer. But it’s better not to make plans on working computer equipment if you don’t want them to become the property of the system administrator or one of the other employees - well, then everything depends on the talkativeness of this character. As spies say: if you don’t want strangers to be privy to your plans, under no circumstances keep a diary! This also applies to social networks: it is there that you should not store information that could be turned against you. If the reasons for your nervous state are serious enough, then the plan for getting out of it should be as secret as that of an intelligence agent. It’s another matter when part of the intended actions involves putting some information into the public domain. But this should be a thoughtful and balanced post, taking into account the reaction to it of various groups of subscribers and guests of your page. It all depends on the nature and scale of the stressful situation.When everything is annoying
The state when you are ready to burst into flames like a match does not arise overnight. This must be preceded by a series of failures or experienced stress, to which it was simply not possible to immediately react violently. Then all the negativity slips into the subconscious, making harmful changes there, and behold: a pretty, friendly creature suddenly turns into a real fury. “Don’t approach her!” - colleagues or acquaintances will say about you. And if you have any kind of leadership position, then you will turn into a person from whom you cannot even beg snow in winter. And those around you will have no idea that you yourself feel bad in your soul, so you always lash out at your subordinates. But to break this vicious circle, you need to start with yourself, because everything around you cannot suddenly become bad, unlike your mood. What do I need to do? Figure out what was the catalyst for your resentment towards the whole world. What exactly brought you to this state of mind? Most likely, it was some carelessly spoken word, an accidentally thrown remark, or some insignificant event, in the form of a torn buckle from a favorite shoe or a stain that won’t come off from a new blouse. In other words, this was the last straw that overflowed the cup of your patience. From that moment on, literally everything became infuriating. So, you need to catch exactly this last drop and analyze what happened before it? Maybe some more powerful stress that you seem to have coped with, but there are still unsaid things, unresolved questions and contradictions. That is, you agreed with the situation, but morally you couldn’t accept it, and you couldn’t change it either. There may be two ways out: either you change your attitude towards what happened, or you return to this problem and solve it differently. The main thing is not that you emerge victorious, but that you stop lying to yourself that everything is fine, everything is fine, although there is a residue in your soul. Understand yourself and act! And in this you will find your peace.After a breakup
One of the most powerful stresses comes from the breakup of a loving or married couple. The only thing worse can be the death of a loved one, but it’s not for nothing that the popular song sang: “Parting is a little death,” because it seems that a person who refuses to meet or live together with you is irretrievably lost. This is why many people cannot quickly recover after their husband announced that he is leaving for someone else, or the guy said that he no longer likes you, and that he dreamed of something completely different from you. We do not realize that building a love relationship is a strategic task dictated by the universe itself. And this task is the continuation of the human race. And we were created this way, capable of love, only in order to preserve the family for as long as possible, in order to give the same love to the children born. And even if we just see one love that is at risk, then our subconscious sees in this the collapse of everything - procreation, the inability to no longer find a foothold in life, etc. It's like the ground is disappearing from under your feet. This is why such intense emotional pain can accompany a breakup. And it is precisely this state of mind that does not make it possible to correctly assess the situation and analyze it from beginning to end. Surprisingly, not every relationship breakup is permanent. Sometimes a person can come to his senses and return. As long as you are not connected to him by family ties, the guy believes that he has the right to choose the best one for himself. For some, it’s normal to have an affair with another girl in order to “make sure that his first choice is still better”! Yes, these are exactly the kind of excuses that friends often hear from a guy when they decide to shame him for his frivolous attitude towards his girlfriend. If this happens to a guy, then you need to gain composure, fold your hands like a pretzel and say: “Well, well, let’s see what comes of this...” If possible, say this not to yourself, but to him. If a young man sees your self-confidence, then he may well give up in front of her and not try to have an affair on the side anymore. Even spouses who left the family return, not to mention boyfriends. A husband who has fled to his mistress may suddenly realize that she is not such a good wife and will leave her. Where should he go if not to his home? Especially if he has children there. Beg your wife's forgiveness - and the job is done!Bouncing back after divorce
It happens that a love triangle situation leads to divorce. It is very difficult when a man is the initiator of a breakup. This means that he leaves for his mistress, and she becomes his legal wife. As a rule, such an act causes great psychological trauma to an ex-and very loving wife, and it can be incredibly difficult to pull yourself out of this state. Some ladies turn to psychologists or psychotherapists because they are unable to overcome the sadness that has fallen on them. However, in most cases, it is women who initiate divorces. Representatives of the fair sex can radically break off relationships. And although men are still successful in terms of earning big money and building a career, the weaker half of humanity still has some trump cards to feel more independent. On the one hand, a woman still stands at the stove after work, cleans the apartment on weekends, etc., but she absolutely does not need to look for someone who will do it for her. Just as she managed the housework herself before, she will continue to do so. Men's housework is episodic. A specialist called to your home can fix a broken water tap or burnt-out wiring, and an employee or neighbor, or even migrant workers from a neighboring construction site, can hang a cornice or shelf. This is why it is much easier for a woman to declare that she no longer needs a husband: you cannot buy her with delicious borscht or buns. Men themselves often forget that they need to constantly win over their weaker half: take them to restaurants, buy perfume, beautiful clothes, go on vacation together. That’s why they are often surprised when their wives tell them they are ready to divorce. Of course, a husband’s inertia is not yet a reason for divorce, but if instead of compliments a woman constantly hears her husband’s reproaches, and even worse, if he raises his hand to her, then this is a good reason not to tolerate such a tyrant in the house. Groundless jealousy is also a common reason why a woman either really begins to have affairs on the side, or breaks off relations with her husband, whose claims can no longer be tolerated. But here’s what’s surprising: many women, even after the divorce they initiated, continue to follow their ex-husbands and even get jealous when they start an affair with another woman. It is quite difficult to explain such an extremely irrational approach to the situation from a logical point of view. Here either vindictiveness or false intentions during a divorce plays a role. If you are vindictive, you will wish your ex that nothing will work out for him on the personal front, at least until it works out for you. If you are not vindictive, but simply jealous, then it turns out that you initiated the divorce in vain. You just had to give your husband an ultimatum: either he stops being outrageous, or he leaves. But if you still love him, then you shouldn’t break up with him completely. If you thought that he was the last moral monster who could not be allowed close to either you or your children, then you should only feel better because he found himself another passion. This is a complete guarantee that he will stop knocking on the threshold of your house. But ex-husbands often do not stop and periodically visit to “check their property,” and such visits are often extremely unpleasant. Divorce should be seen as a path to a new, free life, where you can do whatever you want:- devote yourself to children; find another husband; go traveling without fear of becoming a victim of someone’s delusions of jealousy; start your own business.
After bereavement
The real reason for sadness is when someone dear to you dies. It will not only be about the possible death of her husband. It’s hard after the loss of a grandmother or grandfather, parents, beloved aunt, friend. Any person who was in your environment and played a role in your destiny is always dear, and if death takes him, it is extremely difficult to recover from this. Locking yourself in a room, and at the same time in yourself, is not the best solution. It is no coincidence that funerals were invented, which attract many people who knew the deceased. It is no coincidence that these people also gather for funerals. When we meet those who can tell us something about the untimely departed, our souls somehow become warmer, it seems that this person is still with us, he just left somewhere. On other days, there is no need to close yourself off from the world and spend time communicating. If you are a believer, then you can pray and go to your confessor. If the church takes up a small place in your life, then just try to be with friends, acquaintances, and do something more often. Sometimes it helps to read esoteric books, from which you can get much more information about the immortality of the soul than from what the official religion offers us. When you really believe that the departed person is now in heaven or that he will find a much more successful incarnation in a new body, it will be easier to cope with the loss. Just don’t let yourself be drawn into a sect: sectarians often take advantage of someone’s grief to convert them to their faith.After experiencing stress or a strong quarrel
What caused the stress? If some person is to blame, against whom you don’t seem to hold a grudge, then you will subconsciously consider yourself to be guilty. All you need to do is call him to negotiations and make sure that he also takes a share of the moral responsibility for the conflict. And this should not be revenge, but rather an educational process. After all, if you leave another person’s offense forgiven when he has not repented, then he will continue to do evil to others, without even thinking about the fact that he is wrong. As for you, without talking and dotting the “E”, you will be disappointed in the world around you. Usually in a conflict situation both parties are to blame. Someone fanned the fire, someone did not want to listen, one thing led to another - and they came to an insoluble contradiction. Sometimes you have to look for a person who can look at the situation from the outside, understand it and reconcile both sides. But each of them must carry out certain spiritual work in her consciousness in order to no longer allow such quarrels and not hold a grudge. Stress can also be the result of a road accident, an accident, or a raging natural disaster. There is such a thing as “force majeure circumstances.” If a flood has damaged all your property, this is very stressful. It will not be possible to return everything back. But you will have the opportunity to receive compensation and even reconsider something, arrange your life differently. For example, generally move to a better place. After an accident, sometimes you may not be able to recover your car. But you can be glad that you yourself remained alive and relatively unharmed. Some people even receive irreparable injuries, but find a reason to enjoy life, or even an opportunity to return to their former profession. Let's remember the famous rock musician Rick Allen from the group Def Leppard. In a car accident, the young man lost his left arm, but this did not stop him from continuing his musical career. He plays percussion instruments mainly with his feet, with the help of several pedals, and, of course, with his right hand. The group performed all over the world and released albums, but this was preceded by a year when the rest of its members waited for their comrade to recover from the accident. He had a support point - friends. You probably have them too. And they will help in difficult times.
- "hugs"; dream; food; glass of water; bath or shower; exercise stress; communication with pets; needlework.
How to calm yourself down if you're very nervous
Nervous tension can also arise in anticipation of some events, and not after them. The unknown is scary, and when you realize that the outcome of an action depends not only on you, it can be difficult to control yourself and not panic. But a nervous state is a bad adviser, especially when you need to concentrate as much as possible. Before the exam You should always remember that you can retake the exam if you cannot pass it right away or if you are not satisfied with the grade. If you are well prepared, you will worry less than if you don’t know anything. If you have questions (tickets) for the exam, then divide their number by the number of days allotted for preparation in order to evenly distribute the load on the brain and nervous system. Planned actions will give you even more peace of mind. Before a job interview Here you need to remember that at any one company where you want to get a job, the world is not a wedge. It is likely that you yourself will not be suitable, but the chosen workplace will not be suitable for you. For greater self-confidence, you need to choose several companies at once where you will go for an interview. Now not only can you be chosen, but you can do it too. Always be on horseback! Before an important event in your life (wedding, birth of a child) Have you decided to get married so that you can have offspring soon? It shouldn't bring anything other than a positive attitude. A wedding is generally a holiday. So why bother yourself? It used to be, when sometimes the bride and groom were just getting acquainted at a wedding, and their parents decided everything for them, then there was a reason for great excitement. Today, few people decide to connect their entire lives with a stranger. Therefore, all reasons for excitement should be left behind by the time of the wedding celebration. But you need to prepare for the birth of a child not only physically, but also mentally. Being a mother is difficult, caring for a baby when you have little strength yourself is not easy. But you need to know that caring for a baby is not a routine. After all, this is a living person who still doesn’t realize much, but already loves you. And you are his. Love overcomes all difficulties. It is childbirth that causes more concern, since this process is painful and does not always go smoothly. Sometimes pregnancy, especially the first one, contributes to a nervous state. During pregnancy Poor health is, unfortunately, a frequent companion of a pregnant woman. The body works in an unusual mode, sometimes even experiences overload, but on the whole it copes with it. But how can a woman know how her next illness will end? But now she is responsible not only for herself, but also for the unborn child, which is why she begins to panic. Doctors add fuel to the fire by scolding the pregnant woman for her extra pounds, without even looking at the medical record, where weight loss due to toxicosis was previously noted. They scold you for high or low blood pressure, for low hemoglobin, and sometimes they recommend eating something that a woman cannot afford or has simply never eaten due to individual intolerance or lifestyle. But you just need to remember that you can change the doctor, even if you are covered by compulsory medical insurance. And also that pregnancy is considered one of the normal conditions of a woman. You need to read more useful literature so as not to pay attention to the unfounded claims of doctors. You need to be ready for anything, but believe only in the good. A person who has not yet been born needs to be loved and talked to. If this does not help, then you need to enroll in a yoga section for pregnant women or simply go to special auto-training classes. Such schools for young mothers are often organized at family planning centers or at antenatal clinics. And if you live in a village, where all these institutions are far from, then just listen to the advice of older women who have already had to give birth, and maybe more than once. The unknown is scary. Here, when you know more, you sleep better. Before surgery Surgery is no less stressful for the body than childbirth. And sometimes even more. After childbirth, a woman’s body produces endorphin, aptly called the hormone of happiness, as determined by physiology. It helps the whole body to recover well, but for the postoperative period nothing of the kind is “provided” by nature. Therefore, the production of the necessary hormones depends only on your mood. If you believe that the operation will bring benefit, and its absence will cause harm or death, then you will agree to surgery with joy. Are you afraid of general anesthesia? Then you need to talk to the anesthesiologist before the operation and discuss what you fear most:- allergies; do not recover from anesthesia; that your consciousness will suffer.
How to control yourself during a panic attack without medication
First you need to understand what this newfangled term “panic attack” is. In some incomprehensible way, it has gone beyond medical diagnoses, and now everyone who is not too lazy uses it in relation to any fear or stress. Doctors understand a panic attack as systemic manifestations, both from the psyche and in the form of organic lesions. During a panic attack, a person may vomit, his heart begins to pound, it becomes difficult to breathe, he feels either hot or cold. Of course, with such symptoms you need to consult a doctor. But less intense manifestations of panic, in which not all of these symptoms are observed, but perhaps only one, you can try to overcome yourself. If it is not the somatic, but the emotional component that predominates, then you can try to come to your senses on your own, without resorting to the help of strangers in general, and not just doctors. Put everything aside for a moment and come to your senses If you have firmly decided that you need to come to your senses on your own, then first of all, leave the conflict zone. If you are panicked by the director’s scolding, then leave his office, you can go out into the courtyard or the nearest square, if it is not separated by a busy road. After all, you first need to stop being very nervous in order to adequately respond to dangers. If you are pissed off by a phone call, then stop the conversation and turn off the device altogether. If you were working at this moment, then put aside your work and be distracted by something more pleasant. Office workers are advised to switch to a computer game or browse websites on abstract topics. But for those who work in dangerous work, it is better to call in sick and go to the rest room to recover. Meditation or prayer to calm the soul It is much easier for a believer to come to his senses, because he feels the support of a Higher Power. Those who practice yoga or meditate also find it much easier to cope with emotions. Learning to meditate is not as difficult as it seems. Today there are many websites that provide instructions on how to begin the meditation process. As for yoga, some people are put off by the difficulty of performing asanas. But breathing exercises are also yoga, and you can perform them even while sitting on a chair, and not on the floor in the lotus position. You can also study breathing using the Buteyko system, which is excellent for achieving good health and tranquility. Relax: drink water, coffee or eat chocolate Oddly enough, coffee and chocolate, which are considered tonic foods, have a calming effect in this situation because they give strength, and strength, in turn, gives confidence. If a person is confident in himself, then he realizes that he is about to find a way out of the current situation. And when the action plan is in your pocket, the panic goes away by itself, giving way to swiftness and energy. Accept the situation and look for a way out There are situations that cannot be changed. Take, for example, being fired from your job. On the one hand, this is a loss of stable income, on the other hand, it is a great opportunity to switch to freelancing or look for more attractive vacancies than the place from which you were asked. This is a chance to make new useful contacts in the business field. Finally, this is a reason to rest, especially if management chronically did not allow you to go on vacation. Temporary absence from work gives us more freedom of action and a unique opportunity to change our profession if we have wanted to do this for a long time. That is, you accept the situation with dismissal and look for a way out in the form of rest, obtaining a new specialty, enrolling in studies or even promotion, but in a new team and with different management. In the same way, divorce gives more freedom. You can understand that a coward, a lazy person, a tyrant has left you. And you have a huge field of activity. First, accept the situation and just take a break from the men in your life. Well, then - all the bachelors become your potential suitors, you just have to choose carefully...How to learn not to worry or cry over trifles
Alas, often previously experienced severe stress makes us less susceptible to little things. But deliberately driving yourself into a stressful situation is extremely unwise. It is necessary to benefit from the stories of other people who in reality experienced almost apocalyptic events, emerging from them unharmed. If among your friends there is no one who survived a fire, a flood or a serious car accident, or perhaps got out of a foreign prison safely, then just read adventure literature, become imbued with the fate of the main characters, and this should also help. You just need to at least mentally try to balance between life and death in order to understand how minor insults and pricks of fate are insignificant to waste your nerves on.How to calm a guy (husband, friend) when he is nervous and feels bad
If a beloved man or just a friend finds himself in a stressful situation, then he needs something slightly different than we women. Representatives of the stronger sex are proud creatures, true leaders by nature. Even if a guy looks like a pure nerd, then a true knight probably lives in his soul. So, the pity of such a person can simply humiliate, and not calm. The man is not waiting for consolation, but for some action that could give him hope. If you don’t have not only plan “A”, but even plan “B” to get out of the situation, then you just need to let your friend or lover know: “I’m with you!” Empathy and support work wonders. It is quite possible that the way out of an unenviable situation will become less vague if not just one person, but two people think about it.
In this article I will talk about how to stop being nervous. I will explain how to remain calm and cool in any life situation without the help of sedatives, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress states of nervousness and calm down, but I will also explain how you can stop being nervous in general, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general, how to calm your mind and how to strengthen the nervous system.
The article will be structured in the form of sequential lessons and it is better to read them in order.
When do we get nervous?
Nervousness and jitters are that feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and activities, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and simply worry about all sorts of little things. It is important to understand that nervousness has how psychological so and physiological reasons and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is connected with the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to worry, overestimation of the significance of certain events, a feeling of self-doubt and what is happening, shyness, worry about the result.
We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or for one reason or another significant or responsible. I think that a threat to life does not often loom before us, ordinary people. Therefore, I consider situations of the second type to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. Fear of failure, of looking inappropriate in front of people- all this makes us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological attunement; this has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let’s start with understanding the nature of nervousness.
Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. Necessary defense mechanism or hindrance?
Our palms begin to sweat, we may experience tremors, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, confusion in our thoughts, it is difficult to gather ourselves, concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, we want to occupy our hands with something, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, how much do they help you? Do they help cope with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or communicating on a first date when you're on edge? The answer is, of course not, and what’s more, it can ruin the whole result.
Therefore, it is necessary to firmly understand that the tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it is simply a certain mental mechanism embedded in a system of habits and/or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the impact of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why eliminate this? Because when you're nervous:
- Your thinking ability decreases and you have a harder time concentrating, which can make things worse and require your mental resources to be stretched to the limit.
- You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, and gestures, which can have a bad effect on important negotiations or a date.
- Nervousness causes fatigue and tension to accumulate more quickly, which is bad for your health and well-being.
- If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases (however, a very significant part of diseases stem from problems of the nervous system)
- You worry about little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable things in your life.
- You are prone to bad habits: alcohol, because you need to relieve stress with something
Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand psychological pressure, lost control and were deprived. So we will work with you on this.
Here is the first lesson, during which we learned that:
- Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
- You can get rid of it by working on yourself
- In everyday life there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones are rarely threatened by anything, we mostly worry about trifles
I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.
You should configure yourself like this:
I have no reason to be nervous, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and this is real!
Don’t think that I’m just talking about something that I myself have no idea about. Throughout my childhood, and then my youth, until I was 24 years old, I experienced big pain. I couldn’t pull myself together in stressful situations, I worried about every little thing, I even almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This had a negative impact on health: pressure surges, “panic attacks,” dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now all this is in the past.
Of course, I can’t say now that I have the best self-control in the world, but all the same, I stopped being nervous in those situations that make most people nervous, I became much calmer, compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot to work on, but I’m on the right path and there is dynamics and progress, I know what to do.
In general, everything I’m talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I’m not making anything up and I’m only talking about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result of personal problems, I had not begun to remake myself - all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.
Lesson 2. How to stop being nervous about anything?
Think about all those events that make you nervous: your boss calls you, you take an exam, you expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, evaluate the degree of their importance for you, but not in isolation, but within the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the significance of an altercation on public transport or on the road on a life-long scale, and is it really such a terrible thing to be late for work and be nervous about it?
Is this something to think about and worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, take a break from the current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things that you are nervous about will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, will turn into mere trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries.
This psychological setting helps a lot stop being nervous about anything. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of reason, can react in its own way. Therefore, let's move on and I will explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation immediately before any event, during and after it.
Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before an important event.
Now some important event is inexorably approaching us, during which our intelligence, composure and will will be tested, and if we successfully pass this test, then fate will generously reward us, otherwise we will lose. This event could be a final interview for the job you dream of, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this must be done so that this condition does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.
And you realize that an important event awaits you ahead, but no matter how significant it is, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your whole life for you: there is no need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not worry arises. This is too important an event to let nervousness ruin it, so I will be collected and focused and will do everything for this!
Now we bring our thoughts to calm, relieve the jitters. First, immediately throw all thoughts of failure out of your head. In general, try to calm down the fuss and not think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale and inhale deeply. The simplest breathing exercises will help you relax.
Simple breathing exercises.
It should be done like this:
- inhale for 4 counts (or 4 pulse beats, you need to feel it first, it’s more convenient to do this on the neck, not on the wrist)
- keep the air in for 2 counts/hits
- exhale for 4 counts/beats
- do not breathe for 2 counts/beats and then inhale again for 4 counts/beats - all from the beginning
In short, as the doctor says: breathe - don’t breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds hold - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds hold.
If you feel that your breathing allows you to take deeper inhalations/exhalations, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.
You just need to breathe with your diaphragm, that is, with your stomach! During times of stress, we breathe rapidly from the chest, while diaphragmatic breathing calms the heartbeat, suppressing the physiological signs of nervousness, bringing you into a state of calm.
During the exercise, keep your attention only on your breathing! There should be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel relaxed and calm. The exercise is done for no more than 5-7 minutes, according to how it feels. With regular practice, breathing practice not only helps you relax here and now, but also in general puts the nervous system in order and you are less nervous without any exercise. So I highly recommend it.
You can see my video on how to do diaphragmatic breathing correctly at the end of this article. In this video I talk about how to cope with panic using breathing. But this method will also allow you to get rid of nervousness, calm down and pull yourself together.
Other relaxation techniques are presented in my article.
Okay, so we are prepared. But the time for the event itself has already arrived. Next I will talk about how to behave during the event so as not to be nervous and to be calm and relaxed.
Lesson 4. How to avoid nervousness during an important meeting.
Pretend to be calm: even if neither your emotional mood nor breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, then at least try with all your might to demonstrate external calm and equanimity. And this is necessary not only to mislead your opponents about your current state. Expressing outer peace helps to achieve inner peace. This operates on the principle of feedback, not only how you feel determines your facial expressions, but also your facial expressions determine how you feel. This principle is easy to test: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more cheerful, even if you were in a bad mood before. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the calmer you want to appear, the more relaxed you actually become.
Watch your facial expressions, gestures and intonation: The feedback principle obliges you to constantly look inside yourself and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too stressed? Are your eyes shifting? Are the movements smooth and measured or abrupt and impulsive? Does your face express cold impenetrability or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from your senses, you adjust all your body movements, voice, and facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself in itself helps you get together and concentrate. And it’s not just that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. By observing yourself, you focus your thoughts on one point - on yourself, and do not let them get confused and lead you in the wrong direction. This is how concentration and calm are achieved.
Eliminate all markers of nervousness: What do you usually do when you're nervous? Are you fiddling with a ballpoint pen? Are you chewing on a pencil? Are you tying your left big toe and little toe into a knot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight and don’t change their positions often. We don’t fidget in our chair, we don’t shift from foot to foot. We continue to look after ourselves.
Take your time: rush and bustle always sets a special nervous tone. Therefore, take your time even if you are late for a meeting. Since any rush very quickly disrupts composure and a calm mood. You begin to nervously rush from one to another, in the end you only provoke excitement. No matter how much you are rushed, do not rush, being late is not so scary, it is better to save your nerves. This applies not only to important meetings: try to get rid of haste in every aspect of your life: when you are getting ready for work, traveling in public transport, doing work. It's an illusion that when you rush, you achieve results faster. Yes, the speed increases, but only slightly, but you lose a lot in composure and concentration.
That's all. All these principles complement each other and can be summarized in the call “ watch yourself". The rest is specific and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would only advise you to think about each of your phrases, take your time with your answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. There is no need to try to make an impression in all available ways, you will make one if you do everything right and don’t worry, work on the quality of your performance. There is no need to mumble and get lost if you are caught by surprise: calmly swallow, forget and move on.
Lesson 5. Calm down after the meeting.
Whatever the outcome of the event. You're on edge and still feeling stressed. It's better to take it off and think about something else. All the same principles apply here that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting itself. Try not to think too much about the past event: I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, what if I had performed this way and not that way, oh, how stupid I must have looked, oh I’m a fool, what if...! Just throw all thoughts out of your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if), everything has already passed, put your breathing in order and relax your body. That's all for this lesson.
Lesson 6. You shouldn’t create any reasons for nervousness at all.
This is a very important lesson. Typically, a significant factor in nervousness is the inadequacy of your preparation for the upcoming event. When you know everything and are confident in yourself, why should you worry about the result?
When I was studying at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, went to the exams completely unprepared, hoping that I would pass and somehow pass. In the end, I passed, but only thanks to phenomenal luck or the kindness of the teachers. I often went for retakes. As a result, during the session I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying to prepare in a hurry and somehow pass the exam.
During the sessions, an unrealistic number of nerve cells were destroyed. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought so much had piled up, how hard it was, eh... Although it was all my fault, if I had done everything in advance (I didn’t have to go to lectures, but at least the material to prepare for the exam and pass I could provide myself with all the intermediate control tests - but then I was laziness and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during the exams and worry about the result and about the fact that I would be drafted into the army if I I won’t hand over something, because I would be confident in my knowledge.
This is not a call not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I’m talking about the fact that you need to try yourself Do not create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think ahead and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and don’t put it off until the last minute! Always have a ready-made plan in your head, or better yet several! This will save you a significant part of your nerve cells, and in general will contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!
Lesson 7. How to strengthen the nervous system and how to stop getting nervous over trifles
In order to stop being nervous, it is not enough just to follow the lessons that I outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind into a state of peace. And the next thing I will tell you about will be those rules, following which you can strengthen your nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, be calmer and more relaxed. As a result of this you will understand how to stop being nervous over trifles. These methods are focused on long-term results; they will make you less susceptible to stress in general, and not only prepare you for a responsible event.
- Firstly, in order to correct the physiological factor of nervousness and bring the nervous system to a state of rest, you need to regularly. This is very good for calming the nervous system and calming the mind. I’ve written a lot about this, so I won’t dwell on it.
- Secondly, go in for sports () and take a set of health-supporting measures (contrast showers, healthy eating, vitamins, etc.). A healthy body has a healthy mind: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sports strengthens the nervous system.
- Walk more, spend time outdoors, try to sit in front of the computer less. Diaphragmatic breathing during a panic attack
I used to be very worried that before every serious event or performance I was so nervous that I would either fail everything, or forget something, say it in the wrong tone, or present it so brightly. People worry before a meeting, when applying for a job, when a loved one does not respond, etc. It’s impossible to list all the situations. However, universal methods of restoring balance exist.
When a person is nervous, he misses important events, worrying about little things. At this time he has:
- mental activity and ability to focus decrease;
- cognitive deterioration (which makes you even more nervous - a vicious circle);
- control over the situation is lost;
- performance decreases, fatigue increases, fatigue sets in.
Work on your life plan. This allows you to pay attention to important events, rather than worry about every little thing. Constantly remind yourself of your main goals and plans. Carry the list with you.
Causes of anxiety
First of all, you need to explain the reasons for concern, sort them out point by point. Determine not only the situation and your own, but also internal factors. For example, anxiety before public speaking is a consequence of poor preparation or fear of being ridiculed, shyness, or ignorance of the topic.
A nervous state is usually accompanied by anxiety and... This is the body's natural reaction to a threat. It remains to be seen whether the threat is real. In the case of the previous example, think about what would happen if you made a mistake or someone didn't accept your presentation. Is it so dangerous and important for life?
But anxiety before flying on an airplane is completely justified. The potential threat always exists. But in this case, nothing depends on you, so you just need to accept all possible options.
So, identify specific emotions and feelings, the cause of anxiety, its object. Determine the influence of external and internal factors, your participation in the situation.
What to do
There is no need to deny and repeat “I am calm.” Accept, acknowledge the fact of nervous tension. After acceptance and analysis, proceed to active actions:
- Inhale and exhale. Popular, simple and truly effective advice. relieve tension, restore blood flow and hormonal levels. Inhale deeply, hold your breath and exhale slowly. Concentrate on your breathing. Body and mind are one. Once you feel in control of your breathing, it will be easier to gain control of your thoughts. Try the “Five-Three” technique. Inhale for five counts, hold for three, exhale for five, hold for three. So ten times. Breathe with your stomach: inhale, inflate, exhale, draw in. Concentrate on counting and abdominal movements, this will distract you from anxious thoughts. Monitor your well-being. Breathing techniques are prohibited for colds and respiratory diseases.
- Think about pleasant things. Remember the most delicious food you have eaten, the most melodic music, the most beautiful picture, the most tender hug. Remember the situation of success. They happen to any person, people just sometimes forget about it. Regain your positive attitude and self-confidence.
- Nervous tension is... Calms the rise in blood glucose. To do this, eat something sweet or drink coffee. A quick surge of glucose will restore the body’s energy and physical strength and fill it with hormones of joy. You can’t systematically eat away stress, but in some situations, chocolate is a cure.
- Tapping your fingers on the table, walking from corner to corner, rocking on your toes are the body’s subconscious attempts to calm down. What if we come up with the same thing, but more conscious and useful? Find an interesting but monotonous activity: someone embroiders, someone does crossword puzzles, or washes the dishes. Come up with your own methods for different occasions: at home, at work, on the street.
- The previous method is not suitable for everyone. If it didn’t help you, then try, on the contrary, to be active: do push-ups, run, jump, wave your arms, stomp your feet, curse. At times of stress, internal resources are mobilized. Energy is formed that asks for release. The languor that we experience is unspent power. Let her out. When stressed, physical strength is mobilized, mental processes fade into the background. Calm your body to bring your mind back.
- Control your mind through your body. Forbid yourself from fiddling with your clothes, slouching, or looking at your feet. Straighten your back, speak loudly and confidently, look straight ahead, demonstrate confidence and calm.
- Discount the situation. Will this be important in a month, a year? Does this affect your health, success, well-being? But stress and anxiety greatly affect health. Remember something disturbing from the past right now. Does this matter now? If the result had been different then, would it have significantly changed the current state of affairs? Were you able to clearly remember what you were worried about?
- Keep a worry diary. Describe your experiences and see what comes true. You'll be surprised how much time and effort you spend coming up with ideas. Better get busy, fantasy is useful there.
- Strengthen your nervous system. What you need for this: healthy sleep, good nutrition, regular exercise, taking vitamins, hobbies, favorite work, meditation or yoga.
- Read D. Carnegie’s book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.”
Make it a rule to sketch your fears and experiences. It is not necessary to have the relevant skills. Portray your fear (as best you can), look at it, get to know it, accept it. Now draw a funny hat or yourself next to it in the form of a knight. Perhaps your fear will take the form of a specific person. Or yourself. Why not?
Sometimes the causes of anxiety lie very deep, in childhood. Having once been rejected, a person is afraid of this all his life, and therefore often worries and worries. To eliminate it, visit a psychotherapist, as in this case advice will not help.
Nervousness as a personality trait
Psychology knows many types of qualifications. According to one of them (author Heymans - Le Senne), there is a nervous type. It is characterized by emotionality, low activity and primacy. This kind of person:
- reacts violently to any little things, takes everything to heart;
- thinks for a long time before acting;
- easily succumbs to emotions, but just as quickly forgets about them (mood instability).
The nervous type lives by desires and impressions. He does not like boredom and monotony. If this is your case, then advice with monotonous actions will not work. On the contrary, you need to find numerous sources of different emotions. The main trait that needs to be fought is suspicion.
The author of another classification, Karl Leonhard, singled out. He is characterized by uncertainty in his own actions, distrust of himself, suspiciousness, timidity, indecisiveness, fear of mistakes, an overly expressed sense of responsibility, and self-criticism.
How to stop being nervous about anything and flare up like a match
March 19, 2017 - 4 comments
Friends and acquaintances constantly tell you that you are an “impossible” person. You get nervous, twitch, and rage at every slightest reason. What is there! Sometimes you don't even need a reason. They stand in the wrong place, they call at the wrong time, they do the wrong things, they say the wrong things. Annoying, in a word. You burst into flames like straw.
As soon as you calm down, they piss you off, make you angry, and bother you again. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will tell you how to stop being nervous about anything.
Why does it happen that you have to freak out? Obviously, it is external circumstances and other people that are the main reason. They make you nervous at home, they annoy you at work, they make you angry in transport. So what is it? How not to be nervous if life is like this?
And for some people, at least give them a diploma for “professional nerve-wracking.” Experts in their field. After meeting such people, it is difficult to quickly stop being nervous.
How can you learn not to worry about anything and for no reason? It seems that your nerves will soon run out and you will fall flat, exhausted. Tired of shaking, worrying, worrying, screaming.
Worrying and being nervous is almost a calling
You yourself don’t notice how your “nerve strings” are inflated, and your mind demands an immediate solution to the problem. Feverishly, thoughts begin to run from corner to corner, trying to sound an alarm to consciousness. There is contact. And then there is no way to calm down right now. Every day passes in some kind of internal tension.
At first glance, anxiety is explained quite simply. The great desire to always keep oneself safe in such a dangerous world forces a person to be constantly on. But when your nervous system asks for mercy, and you suffer from yourself, then you need to do something urgently. Either strengthen the nervous system, or consult a psychologist, or both. Or open this article and see the reason and answer to the question of endless worries about any reason.
Who worries about any reason and for no reason
According to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, people with a visual vector are endowed with special impressionability, that is, the ability to take the smallest events to heart. These are the people they say about - they easily make mountains out of molehills. They tend to exaggerate everything that happens around them.
Endowed by nature with the ability, like a sponge, to absorb the sensually colored world around. They swing so skillfully on the swing of emotions that now they can cry, and a minute later they can smile with joy.
For any reason they can feel joy: “Look, what a colorful butterfly! How blue the sky is today!” and stretching out his arms to enjoy what he saw.
Often various fears have haunted them since childhood. Babayka, dogs, darkness, height, depth. They may be afraid before the exam...
Then, in adulthood, they may stop being very afraid, but then they begin to worry about everything. Their need to experience emotions at any cost encourages them to worry about any reason. Although it seems to them that they are completely reasonable to worry and want to improve the lives of themselves and their loved ones.
It is useless to give advice like stop worrying, because a visual person receives a surge of feelings from experiences. And it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know how to do it in such an inept way. So it will cling, grab onto whatever it has to, and twitch for any reason.
Imagine a person who always has a thousand-fold magnifying glass with him and constantly looks at everything through it. Naturally, for him everything will be big, significant, even gigantic. And here is a man with such an impressionable psyche. For him, events are seen as large and dimensional. How can you not worry about anything?
How to stop worrying about anything
System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan says that as long as a person with a visual vector thinks about himself, about his own safety and is exaggeratedly worried about any reason, then nothing will change. And if you change the accent - more often switch to the feelings of others, show natural empathy for people, turn to them sympathy, empathy, then hot temper and excessive anxiety will disappear. The internal desire to emote is wasted on others, bringing pleasure.
Becoming calmer is easier than it seems at first glance.
There are several other reasons why a person may be nervous and restless. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan clearly shows the path to overcoming such difficulties. After all, it’s difficult to be tense around the clock and expect something terrible, to see the world in dangers and threats. People also worry a lot about their own stubbornness or inability to understand that they see other people through their own perceptions. Sometimes irritation comes from discrepancies in opinions, views, and misunderstandings of relationships.
Stop worrying, it's time to enjoy everything
You can stop worrying about anything: by understanding yourself, the reasons for your worries, and by shifting the direction of attention from yourself to the feelings of other people. Once you manage to listen and hear the experiences of your surroundings, it will not be difficult to stop being nervous. You will discover sensitivity in yourself, appreciate your ability to understand people by their facial expressions, and learn how pleasant it is to be useful to others with your attention and care.
Many people shared how groundless their worries and worries were, which simply delayed them and did not allow them to live in peace.
“...Thanks to the training, I truly learned what it means to live to the fullest and enjoy life... My creative potential has opened up. One day I woke up, sat down at the piano and started playing! Before this, I didn’t know how to do this. At first it seemed mystical! Now I write music. The same thing happened with the talent to draw, I paint pictures. All my life I thought that I had no voice, i.e. he was pinched. Now I calmly sing any songs and am a karaoke star))). All my life I wanted to write, but I had to squeeze the text out of myself. Today I wrote my first article in English!”
“... Thanks to the knowledge of SVP, a certain understanding appears of what type this or that person belongs to, which allows you to involuntarily adapt to him in such a way that the dialogue, negotiations or performance in court becomes more effective...”