First conversation with an ex-girlfriend. Three important principles when communicating with your ex-girlfriend

What to do when meeting your ex-girlfriend?

It is advisable not to meet her on the way until she makes herself known. Girls are gentle and unpredictable creatures. But in a chance meeting, unnoticed, do not try to determine her state of mind and politely concede the right to choose.

Say hello, ask how you are doing. It’s better not to talk about personal things, it’s better to talk about work. Be natural and behave the same as if you were meeting a classmate. You separated and now nothing binds you. Behave this way regardless of past connections. They are no longer there.

What should you do? Do nothing. At best, say hello. That’s what I did when meeting with my exes. I don’t think that such meetings can be particularly pleasant for both of you.

Not very long ago I met like this, and then we parted ways as if nothing had happened.

It’s good that in our small town we walk different paths with them.

good day.!!! when meeting an ex-girlfriend, you need to behave calmly and balancedly, and if you broke up with her peacefully and calmly, then in general everything is simple, say hello to her, ask how she’s doing and there’s no need to carry on a further conversation. good luck !

If you broke up:

and remained friends then say hello and move on
if it’s your fault, you can walk by with your head down or say hello too
If it’s your fault, then it’s best to pass by without looking/looking away.

Some people, having accidentally or deliberately met their ex-girlfriends, try to put a little pressure on their subconscious.

They begin to communicate in such a tone, as if they really want to go back, as if they have changed a lot, as if they have been sad all these days or years.

There is no need to do this under any circumstances! Even if you really want to return something back.

Here's what's better to do:

Behave politely and tactfully, as with a good friend, but without hinting at Maybe let's do it again?. Let communication be casual and not thoughtful. If a long dialogue ensues, the situation itself will tell you whether it makes sense to take the conversation to personal matters.

If you met an ex-girlfriend with whom you parted on good terms, then the meeting can bring joy to both of you. Your heart will tell you what to do at this moment. Advice isn't even needed here. And if you meet a girl with whom you once had a bad breakup, then it is better to avoid a head-on collision. Well, if it did happen, then don’t hesitate, smile and say hello, if it was not possible to quickly sneak somewhere and disappear from sight.

Say hello politely and ask how she is doing. But at the same time, you shouldn’t ask about her personal life, much less ask who her boyfriend is, how serious everything is with them. By this, the man shows that he has not let go, that he continues to consider the girl his own.

You can pretend that you didn’t notice her, walk past, looking somewhere to the side.

Run) Just kidding) Actually, what's so scary about that? Behave like people you know well. You're not strangers, are you? :) You probably slept together, if not, drank, relaxed. Why pretend to be strangers now? Just hi, how are you? :) If you broke up normally. And if she cheated on you or something else, then pass by. The person betrayed you, well...

Relationship with ex-girlfriend

Get the girl back

Relationship with ex-girlfriend

With the exception of a few “lucky ones” who manage to find a girl the first time and fall into the trap of her charm, every man has ladies from the days of our past. And we, of course, are talking about ex-girlfriends whose relationships ended due to some serious or trivial problems. And although the relationship with them has already passed, many men still want to tinker a little and play with their past. And it’s not for us to judge such male desires.

In this article we will look at the issues of relationships with ex-girlfriends, when you just need to overcome the desire to take revenge on this girl, and also consider a situation when you still want to get back into a relationship with her. Unlike other sources, we will not taboo such topics.

How to forget your ex-girlfriend

Unfortunately or fortunately, human memory is designed in such a way that after a certain period of time we all begin to forget the bad things, and only warm and positive memories remain in our memory. This is surprising, but even prisoners from the toughest places subsequently have only warm nostalgic memories of places not so distant.

Naturally, if people manage to change their attitude towards such horror, then changing their attitude towards their ex-girlfriend will also not be difficult. The question is only two key things: time and replacement.

Time. Any separation of a couple requires a certain amount of time to restore the spiritual and physical strength of each participant. As a rule, at first men feel happier and stronger, but later their worries catch up with them, and real depression sets in after about 3-4 weeks. For girls, everything happens the other way around; they may be very worried for the first 2-3 weeks, but then it becomes easier and freer for them every day.

A man needs about 2-3 months for his heart to heal, and warm memories of his ex-girlfriend appear no earlier than six months.

Replacement. Losing a girl is a big hole in the heart of any man, and it will ache until the man finds something to fill it with. As a rule, such fillers become either another girl, or some kind of work or hobby. And only when this replacement appears in a man, does he begin to relate to the loss of his ex-girlfriend more easily and freely.

How to behave with your ex-girlfriend

Once all the worries associated with your ex-girlfriend go away, you are again able to enjoy every day. And then you can already choose a policy towards your ex. There may be many such options, but almost all guys choose one of three:

Ignoring. When one life ends, another begins. And if so, then there is no more room in the heart for the past. This is what most guys think who broke up with a girl for a reason related to some of her shortcomings: cheating, alcohol, betrayal, lack of feelings, etc. Guys simply stop noticing this girl, and all communication comes down to the absence of this communication. Later there is another girl, and the guy again enjoys his life.

Friendly, fleeting communication. This is communication when a guy and a girl sometimes see each other (for example, at work or on the street) and just chat a little with each other on free topics without any aggression. This behavior is possible several years after being “ignored”, or when the reasons for the separation were mutual.

Using a girl. If the breakup was largely the guy’s initiative, or after the breakup the girl went through a series of unsuccessful relationships, then she may have a desire to somehow restore her connection with you. Therefore, she herself can make contact and provide some kind of romantic basis, and the guy can easily get sex from the girl. Moreover, sex does not imply a relationship; it falls under the “remember the past” basis, i.e. without any obligation on your part. It's comfortable!

Beware: you are my friend! There is also this behavior with a girl when a girl sits on top of her ex and squeezes the benefits out of him, without any return on her part. This is all the girls are called friendship, and the errands are called a small request. If you are faced with such a situation, then switch your behavior to ignoring or fleeting communication. You won’t have sex anyway, but you won’t waste your energy on a girl you don’t need.

How to get your ex-girlfriend back

It is worth considering that an ex-girlfriend is a girl who dated you at least six months ago. Those. if you want to get back into a relationship with a girl who recently broke up with you, our other article will suit you.

Renewing a relationship has a strict procedure that must be followed:

Solution to the problem. If you broke up with this girl because of some problem, then it would be foolish to try to restore the relationship by leaving this problem in limbo. There is a huge chance that she will interfere with the two of you again. Therefore, first we solve the problem that caused the separation in the past. If the problem is that the girl is cheating, then the problem cannot be solved, which means there is no need to return the relationship!

Resuming communication. Next, you will need to gradually begin your communication with your ex-girlfriend. Now the easiest way to do this is through social networks, or through small evening walks (trips). At this stage, you are simply interested in her life and find out her fate after breaking up with you. If a girl has started her communication with you, then this is already an indicator that everything is not going as smoothly and well as she would like. A happy girl would have sent you a long time ago and that’s it.

Gradual advance. At the next stage, you begin to invite the girl to more “status places”, for example, sushi bars, cafes or bars, where you are interested in her plans and talk about your successes. Those. you gradually introduce into her the idea that you are a successful, stable and strong man.

Intimacy and renewal of relationships. If a girl takes your bait, then you yourself will begin to see how an insidious plan will appear in her eyes to drag you into bed and make you hers again. Therefore, you just need to play the role of a reserved gentleman, and then “surrender” into the hands of such an insidious girl.

Renewal of relations. And at the final stage, you have to prove yourself as a strong man, whose behavior has not changed due to such an “unexpected move” on the part of the girl. You shouldn't rush to her and cry with joy that she's back. You also need to behave steadily, thereby allowing the girl to be weak. It's simple!

Should you date your ex-girlfriend?

We've actually seen cases where relationships with ex-girlfriends have led to happy families and happy men. Therefore, although this relationship has an extremely low chance of success, you can still try.

So, you broke up with your ex-girlfriend, now you are faced with the question of how to communicate with her and whether it is worth communicating at all. It all depends on how you broke up and whether you want to continue communicating with your ex-girlfriend. If you left a girl and don’t intend to return to her, then there can be no talk of communication. If you do not part as enemies and retain the right to contact each other in difficult situations, this is the most correct option for parting, but communication should be out of necessity and not be permanent.

The situation may be completely different, you broke up with your girlfriend, and it seems to you that you made a big mistake when you lost her. You want to resume communication and get the girl back. But there is one important rule here, which you strictly need to know and follow. You can get a girl back if you don’t get in touch with her; she shouldn’t have the idea that you desperately need her and can’t imagine your life without her. When guys try to get girls back, they try to communicate, write and call as often as possible, they believe that a successful result depends on the frequency of communication, but the opposite is true. Don’t think that if you constantly flash around a girl and put pressure on her, you will be able to prevent her from meeting and dating someone else. Stop constantly fantasizing and drawing pictures in your imagination of how she is with someone else. This is the last thing you should think about right now.

No matter how badly you break up with a girl, there is always a chance to get her back. You assume that without communication the girl will forget about you, but your calls, attempts to sort things out, talk frankly will lead to the girl trying to forget you as soon as possible. The best way for you to communicate now is with friends and other girls. Take a time out, which will be beneficial, calm your nerves. Relax, relax and have fun, but relaxing with alcohol is not the best way, as it can lead to new problems in your life. If you ask an alcoholic and a homeless person how he came to such a life, then in most cases you will hear from him an unhappy love story about the woman because of whom he started drinking.

Any girl after a breakup expects you to woo her, shower her with gifts, and beg for her return. Don’t think that the girl needs you; she only needs to please her self-esteem. Even if a girl does not appreciate her ex-boyfriend, does not respect him, she is flattered by his attention and humiliation. Girls sometimes tend to get closer to guys whom they once abandoned and who have become permanent fans. They do this for several reasons, firstly, they are trying to annoy the new guy, and secondly, the ex can always be a convenient backup option, but only a temporary option that girls use only until a new candidate appears. Many guys agree to be a friend when breaking up, but the friend will never become a boyfriend again, this is important to understand. You can arouse a girl's interest in yourself only by ignoring her. The more you ignore her, the more interested you become, remove the girl from social networks. She will find loopholes and try to watch your news, and will make inquiries about you from mutual friends. You learned how not to behave and what to do, the choice is yours, you can become a loser and a weakling, or you can be a worthy and self-respecting guy.

If you are determined to get your girlfriend back, I recommend reading the book by Sergei Sadkovsky and Oleg Ideal on how to get your ex-girlfriend back. There are many positive reviews. You can download it from the link below:

Relationships can be hard, and breakups even worse. After a breakup, there may be times when you need to talk to your ex-partner. Even if your relationship doesn't work out, you may want to maintain friendships. Or vice versa, tired of each other, you will want to see each other less often. You may have a child together, which means that you will at least have to talk about his well-being. You might even want to try getting back together. But before you start dialing a number or typing a message, think it through first. Whatever the reason for calling, there are a few things that can help you through the process of talking to your ex (or ex).

Steps

Part 1

Consider your reasons for talking

You should not contact your ex just because you want to complain about him/her. Even though your relationship ended, you still had happy moments at some point. If you are trying to remain friends, then you should not bring up all the grievances and complaints, as this will not help solve the problem and will not benefit your relationship.

If you and your ex-partner have a child together, consider how your complaints will affect him. You don't want your child to think of you as a terrible person because of constant complaining.

Be honest. Don't beat around the bush. If you have something important to say to your ex, be direct. Don't make hints or passive comments, be straightforward and honest. Tell me if you need any communication boundaries (text/no text, email/no email, etc.).

Don't send false signals. Are you looking for a simple relationship that only involves sex? While your ex may be a great candidate, there is a chance that he/she still has romantic feelings for you. If you try to start a new type of relationship with your ex without telling them exactly what you expect from them, this could lead to an even worse breakup.

Don't use your ex as a crutch for your emotional turmoil. In moments of loneliness or despair, it is very easy to rely on someone you know. You may have the idea that it is with your ex that you will feel much better. However, try not to use your ex as a crying vest. It's better to ask friends or family for help.

Don't forget why you broke up. Regardless of your reasons (to talk or not to talk to your ex), don't forget that there was a reason for the breakup. If you think you'll find a way to fix everything, don't be delusional. Another date won't make your ex(s) a new person. Know that all promises to change are nothing more than empty words.

Offer him/her something to do. If your ex has responded to you and he/she is interested in continuing the conversation, invite him/her to meet at a place you both liked and that left behind good memories. Offer several alternatives and ask which he/she would prefer. If your ex is unable to meet you in person or he/she lives far away, arrange to talk by phone. Ask him/her what day and what time he/she will be free and call him/her. It is advisable to plan everything in advance so that your busy schedule does not interfere with your conversation.

For example, was there a coffee shop or restaurant that you visited often and that you only have positive memories of? You might also meet at a park or bakery you've never been to before. Choose a place like this for your first meeting so that nothing gets in the way of your relationship moving forward.
If you and your ex have had frequent conflicts but need to meet and talk about things like children, a public space will allow you to keep your emotions in check.
Skype is an inexpensive and easy way to stay connected over long distances (and in some ways, short distances). To communicate via Skype, it is enough for both of you to have a computer or tablet, as well as an Internet connection. A nice feature of Skype is that you don't have to turn on your camera if you don't want to.

Do something nice for your ex. If you want to remain friends, a thoughtful gesture will allow your ex to think about you in a positive way. What exactly that gesture is is entirely up to you, but it should be based on your personality and skills. Don't overdo it or make your ex-partner feel uncomfortable. It should be something that he/she will appreciate and enjoy. For example, you can show that you remember something specific about her/him (a love for a particular type of chocolate that can be bought in a particular store; a passion for a particular type of tea, etc.). This will let you know that you haven't forgotten about the good times you had.

For example, you remember that your ex-partner liked a particular homemade beer that can only be found in a few places, or that he/she collects some kind of figurines or snow globes. Such inexpensive, simple and thoughtful gestures will show your ex-partner that you still remember a lot of good things about him/her.

Be very clear about your intentions. You initiated this conversation for a reason. You have decided that you want to create some type of relationship with your ex. Make sure you understand exactly what you want and make it clear to your ex(s). If you want to remain friends, be clear about it. Tell me if you want to get back together. If you don't want to talk to your ex except when it comes to your children, let him/her know that. Most likely, he/she is interested in your intentions, so his/her question should not take you by surprise. You should have the answer ready.

You must be clear about your intentions. Determine exactly what you want from your ex-partner and stick to it. If you want to get back together, be clear about it. If you just want to be friends, make sure your ex understands that right away. And if your ex asks you to settle for less, seriously consider leaving.

Be prepared for negative reactions. Don't forget why you broke up. Your ex-partner may have felt some emotions from your breakup that you didn't realize existed or that you didn't understand. You must be prepared for the fact that your ex-partner will react negatively to everything you say, even if you only had good intentions. Don't turn a refusal into a scandal and don't do or say anything you might regret later.

Before you meet or talk to your ex, think about how he/she might react. Think about the reasons why your ex might react this way. Prepare your response to these possible reactions so they don't take you by surprise when and if they happen.

Part 3

Talk

Consider your personal communication style. Everyone has their own personal communication style. These styles can affect your ex's understanding of everything you say. By becoming more aware of your personal communication style, you will be better able to understand how your words may be interpreted. This will help avoid confusion and conflict, and also change your style if you are sure that your ex will react poorly to your usual communication style. For example, if you usually tell it like it is, but you know your ex might be intimidated by such statements, restrain your directness at least at the beginning of the conversation.
- Affiliate communicators prefer a collaborative style of communication. When making a decision, they listen to the opinions of various people. This means that when making a decision, they are more likely to listen to their partners' suggestions and take them into account.
- Competitive communicators I like power and influence. Most often, they make decisions themselves without anyone's help. They are usually quite assertive (but not necessarily aggressive), direct, and argumentative with those who disagree with them.
- Meaning direct communicators revealed in their name. By nature, they are direct in communication. They tell it like it is and don't beat around the bush. If they want something specific, they talk about it. If they don't like what you do, you'll know about it. Thanks to this directness, this type of communicator can be understood quite quickly. When they want something, there is practically no misunderstanding. Sometimes direct communicators can seem pushy or aggressive.
- Indirect communicators have difficulty expressing their thoughts, desires or needs. During communication, they form a certain subtext and hope that someone will be able to read between the lines and understand them. When communicating with this type of communicator, there is usually a lot of confusion and misunderstanding, but such communication is less aggressive.
Remember to be an active listener. Listening is an important part of any communication. Active listening is being aware of what your partner is saying (what he/she is saying and what he/she means by it). When you think about all the distractions that may arise during your communication, active listening becomes even more important. Your cell phone, car horns, televisions, people arguing, etc. can all take your attention away from your partner and direct it elsewhere. There are many techniques you can learn to become a more active listener.
- Restate and summarize everything you heard. Feel free to say everything in other words that will make the meaning clearer and simpler. By recounting and summarizing everything you heard, your ex will not only know that you were paying attention, but also whether you truly understood what he/she meant.
  - For example, you could say the following: “I understand that you want to pick up the children not every week, but every few weeks. I'm right?"
- Don't interrupt. If your ex is trying to convey something to you, be attentive and maintain eye contact, nod your head or assent so that he/she can continue talking. Let him/her say what he/she wants and don't interrupt so that he/she doesn't lose track. This means that you should also remain silent when the other person is thinking or when he/she is trying to find the right words.
- Ask questions. If you don't understand something or want to clarify the situation, ask him/her about it. If you feel like your ex has only scratched the surface of a particular topic, ask her/him questions to find out more.
  - Try to keep these questions unconditional and without blaming anyone for anything. For example: “How do you think we will communicate further?”
- Consider your ex-partner's feelings. Be sensitive to what he/she says. If you thought the situation he/she was talking about was very unpleasant, say that it was not easy for him/her. Speak in a way that makes them feel comfortable and more open to you. If your ex-partner said something that he/she found difficult to talk about, thank him/her for sharing it with you.
Leave space for communication. Make sure that the combination of your communication style and active listening techniques does not undermine what your ex is trying to tell you. This is especially important if one of the reasons you broke up was a lack of communication. If the communication style you used before didn't work, then you should try something new now, otherwise you won't be able to move forward. There are a few things to remember and not to do when communicating with your ex.
- Don't ask too many questions that start with the word "why", especially if the question starts with "why don't you...". Having this type of question puts people on the defensive, which in turn can lead to an argument.
- Don't minimize your ex's feelings by saying that he/she shouldn't worry about something or that something shouldn't bother him/her. You have no right to judge what may or may not bother another person. He has the right to worry and worry about something.
- If you start asking follow-up questions or asking your ex to explain things in more detail, but you see that he/she doesn't want to do it, then stop. Don't force him or her to say anything he/she doesn't want. If he/she wants to tell you something, he/she will tell you when he/she is ready.
- Don't assume you know how your ex feels. You also shouldn't tell him/her about your life every time he/she talks about his/hers. If he/she starts telling you about a time when he/she was very upset about something, don't turn it into a story about a time when you were very upset.
Explore the source of your feelings. You are the same person as your ex-partner. You both have unpleasant emotions sometimes, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have them. You can feel and think, but you should also try to acknowledge the times when you project your emotions onto other people. You may even have a completely reasonable explanation for why you sometimes have these thoughts and feelings. Perhaps your past experiences are to blame.
- For example, you dated someone who cheated on you in the past and lied about it, saying that he stayed late at the office. Now, when your current partner tells you that he works late, you may start to think irrationally. Try explaining this to your partner. Explain to him/her where these thoughts are coming from and that you understand that they did nothing to lose their trust, but because of your past experiences, these thoughts are still with you.
- Sometimes thoughts and feelings can be irrational. For example, you may be jealous that your ex(s) have a new partner, even though you don't want to get back together with her. These feelings mean that your ex means a lot to you. The presence of such thoughts and feelings is understandable.
Be open, honest and respectful. Since this conversation is happening because you and your ex-partner need to achieve some goal, you need to be very clear, understandable and honest. Explain to him/her what you want. Explain what you are trying to achieve from this conversation. Explain exactly how you feel. Accept that you have needs and wants and that these are perfectly acceptable.

Hello! Thank you for reading my blog, write your comments and ask questions. This gives me the opportunity to cover new topics. Today I wanted to touch on the topic of communicating with an ex, namely how to communicate with an ex-girlfriend.

There are several stages of communication with her and at each stage you need to communicate differently. I'll go through each one individually so you can understand.

How to communicate with your ex-girlfriend

How to communicate with your ex-girlfriend if you just broke up with her? If your task is to win her back, then after the breakup there is no need to communicate with her in principle. Those. you switch to yourself and forget about her for a while.

Basically, you need to put an end to the relationship. By continuing to communicate with her further, you drag out this moment ad infinitum. You remain the guy who continues to run after her and worry about her absence.

This is a losing position. To get her back, you need to change your behavior pattern with her. Therefore, the answer is not to communicate at all. This is precisely about the lack of initiative on your part. Her initiative is quite acceptable, but without any ingratiation on your part.

How to communicate if time has passed

If you waited a while after breaking up with her, at least a couple of weeks, then communicate differently. Here it’s more like friendly communication with her, without negativity.

Something like “yes, I don’t mind communicating with you, but no more.” By doing this, you deter her from trying to do more and force her to play the game by your rules.

Sometimes you may miss a couple of contacts with her. For example, she calls you, and you call her back only the next day. Again, no complaints, citing employment and business. Here you behave appropriately and do not immediately run to her.

How to communicate with your ex if she's angry

It may be that the girl deliberately provokes you, she is always not happy. He snaps at your attempts to communicate normally. Here your weapon is humor and avoiding conflict with her. He joked back, said goodbye and went about his business.

There is no need to be offended by her in return. If you do, she will provoke you more. It is important to pass this test. In general, if you adhere to these rules, returning it will be much easier.

And finally:

Three important principles when communicating with your ex-girlfriend

do not bring up the topic of the relationship between you
don't try to ingratiate yourself and make her like you
don't be too intrusive