A man refuses intimacy, what should I do? Refusal of sex: fatigue and routine

Unfortunately, many married couples face difficulties in their intimate lives, and some husbands complain that their wives are completely untemperamental. And yet, it is important to note that this is a rather rare case when a woman herself has rather low sexual activity. It often happens that husbands who consider their wife cold or almost frigid are surprised to learn that she has a lover. Why does this happen, and how to avoid it?

Why a woman doesn't want a man - the most common reasons

So, consider the most obvious cases due to which a woman may avoid intimacy with her partner. You've been together too long, your feelings have cooled down You have been together for more than a month and the former passion, of course, has already been left behind. Some couples, even after several years of marriage, maintain passion in their intimate relationships and “warm up” each other’s feelings, but for this you need to have a mutual desire, constantly show imagination and initiative - for many people this is almost impossible work. And yet, it is important to note that even if you have been together for a long time, there is no extravaganza going on in your relationship, and you are doing nothing to correct this state of affairs, this does not mean that everything is lost for your relationship. If you still live under the same roof, then you have a chance to improve the situation. Remember that everyday life and habit have become enemies to harmony in the relationships of many couples, and this can be changed if desired. The wife is pregnant or has not yet recovered from a recent birth The period of waiting for a baby and the first months of life often becomes a happy time in the life of most married couples. And yet, during these months, many spouses are forced to face some restrictions in their intimate lives. Not every husband treats this situation with understanding and patience, which gives rise to conflicts in the family and pushes the woman away even more. Please note that during pregnancy, abstaining from sex is not a woman’s whim, but a serious doctor’s recommendation! You can prove as much as you like that the quality of intimate life of a colleague and his wife has not changed with the onset of pregnancy, but do not forget that each organism is individual, and in contrast to your story, your wife can tell how her friend ended up in a hospital bed after sexual contact with husband. Sometimes, indeed, a woman can refuse intimacy with her husband even without the advice of a gynecologist. Perhaps she intuitively feels that this will not have the best effect on the pregnancy and is afraid for the child (forgive her for this suspiciousness, she wants it to be better), or her libido has decreased, and she really just doesn’t want sex to the point of disgust. The second option, indeed, is common among many pregnant women, and they cannot do anything about it. Family or work takes all the spouse’s strength The wife gets so tired at work or while doing family affairs that she simply has no physical strength left for the intimate sphere of her life. There are women who manage to do everything in the world and feel great, almost without sitting down for a minute during the day. Often such energetic individuals grow out of hyperactive girls. And yet, do not forget that it is not for nothing that most women are considered weak and fragile creatures. Of course, this does not mean that they do not need to do anything at work and at home so that their husband can periodically enjoy sex with them, but still, they are often really forced to take on responsibilities that are beyond their strength. What kind of families usually face such a problem? Option one: in the morning the wife goes to work, where she spends the bulk of the day performing her work duties. She comes home at about the same time as her husband (even if a little earlier). After work, she goes to the stove, cooks dinner, does minor housework, checks on her child's homework, or does anything else that doesn't involve just sitting on the couch. What does your husband do after work? He rests, believing that his wife is engaged in completely unburdensome “womanly responsibilities.” Having rested and gained strength after a working day, a man is ready for sexual exploits, while his life partner dreams of only one thing - getting enough sleep. Some husbands are indignant that sex is not work, “lie down and have fun,” and yet the woman thinks so - no matter how you look at it, you need to show at least some kind of physical activity. If a woman is very tired during the day, then thoughts about sex do not excite her at all, and the most pleasant picture she can imagine is taking a hot bath and a sweet dream.

You are no longer an attractive macho man to her. Your appearance has changed significantly since your first dates with your wife. And we are not talking about natural age-related changes - gray hair or wrinkles. Surely, you know examples of how, with age, some men, on the contrary, acquire a special attraction for women. Many celebrities can serve as an example, including Robert Downey Jr., George Clooney, Tom Cruise and others. These men did not give a damn about themselves, and still remain the heroes of women's dreams. Can you say that you look sexy and alluring to the opposite sex (not just your wife)? Some people, both men and women, once married, stop taking care of their appearance, believing that since they have found their other half, they no longer need to attract the attention of other potential partners. This is a big mistake, because if you stopped taking care of yourself, then you probably lost attractiveness not only to other women, but also to your spouse. The wife often remains unsatisfied after sex Some women tell their spouse about this right at the beginning of the relationship or at a time when the quality of their sex life with him begins to deteriorate. If a man does not pay due attention to this problem, then over time, having lost hope that the situation can change, the wife stops expressing her complaints or hinting at them, and instead simply tries to avoid intimacy, not feeling satisfaction from it. Please note that if a woman does not get real pleasure from sex with a man, then she considers such time spent with him to be simply wasted time. The wife may not show this for the first months or even years, but later it will become increasingly difficult for her to hide her disappointment and irritation. The wife has a lover This is the saddest development of events that can happen for you in this situation. Of course, it is quite difficult to justify a woman who decided to have an affair on the side, but still you should not shift the responsibility in this situation solely to your partner. Think carefully, could it be that in some way you are also to blame for the fact that your wife has a lover? Were you both satisfied with the quality of your family sexual life? did you give your wife the attention she needed? Have you yourself been involved in any kind of affair on the side in the past? Have you created an unbearable emotional atmosphere in the house, as a result of which your wife could begin to look for an outlet on the side? Can you say that she looked like a really happy woman next to you? Give yourself an honest answer to these questions. If your wife does have a lover, then this fully explains why she avoids intimacy with you. When it comes to cheating, men and women behave differently. A man can be spurred on by his affair on the side, as a result of which his intimate life with his wife becomes richer and more varied. Women act completely differently - they often focus their attention on only one man. In this case we are talking about a lover. Having received from a new partner what she lacked in marriage, a woman can sincerely fall in love with this man and even believe that by having sex with her husband, she is cheating on “her man.” Be that as it may, if a woman nevertheless decides on this step, you have little chance of improving family relationships, and, most likely, for a number of reasons, in the end you will still have to separate.

What to do if a wife refuses intimacy with her husband

Of course, such behavior on the part of the spouse cannot be without reason. Try to figure out what exactly dictates your wife’s reluctance to have intimacy with you. In fact, there may be several options.

Find out the reasons for not wanting to sleep together

The easiest way to clarify this question is to ask your wife directly. Find a good time to talk. This conversation should not begin when you or your spouse are irritated or one of you is feeling tired. In this state of affairs, most likely you will face either a scandal or a crumpled and completely unproductive conversation. It would be most appropriate to invite your spouse to a romantic dinner and raise an issue that concerns you in a relaxed atmosphere. Please note that your conversation should not sound like an interrogation with partiality - in this way, you risk only ruining the evening. After a glass of wine, seeing that your wife is relaxed and happy with the evening, offer to talk about what is bothering you. Immediately explain that you are not making a complaint to her, but just want to understand in which direction you should move so that your family life becomes better and suits both of you. If your spouse is not in the mood for a conversation, do not put pressure on her or show aggression. Drop the topic and don't let this evening end badly. Undoubtedly, your wife will appreciate such a step, and next time she will be more open with you.

Take on all men's responsibilities

Often the reasons why a woman refuses sex with her husband lie on the surface, but the man simply does not want to notice them, quite rightly not seeing the connection between a broken refrigerator and his wife’s reluctance to have intimacy. And yet, it is useful for many husbands to know that if they refuse to take on male responsibilities with enviable regularity, delaying the solution of the problem as much as possible, then, sadly, the woman ceases to see him as a man. As a result, this extends to other areas of life - not just household ones. As soon as you begin to monitor the serviceability of the appliances in the house, do not shirk your wife’s requests and your obvious responsibilities, you will begin to notice how your spouse’s attitude gradually begins to change. As a result, solving your problem may turn out to be much simpler than you think.

Help her in everyday life and with children

For some time now, it has become the custom that some families (mainly at the suggestion of men) have divided responsibilities into male and female. what does it usually look like? A man nails a nail once a season and repairs a junk TV, and a woman devotes several hours of her life every day to cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing, doing homework with the children, and the like. This situation is tolerable when a woman has the status of a housewife, and the man is the only breadwinner in the family. However, such situations often occur in families where husband and wife work almost equally, only the husband rests after work, and the wife “takes over the second shift.” Over time, a woman begins to understand that it is very difficult for her in such a marriage, and begins to think about divorce as “liberation.” For many men, such a problem seems far-fetched, and meanwhile, more and more women feel unhappy and tired, and, accordingly, in this situation it is quite difficult to be inflamed with passion for their spouse.

Make her feel loved and wanted

Let your beloved woman, being next to you, feel that she once married you for a reason, and now she is as desirable to you as at the very beginning of the relationship. How to achieve this? First of all, do not forget about compliments, which many husbands begin to neglect over time in their family life. Pay attention if your wife has a new hairstyle or simply styled her hair in an unusual way; if she smells of pleasant perfume; talk about how beautiful her smile and eyes are (this is nice to hear not only in the initial stages of dating). In general, compliment not only her culinary skills, as often happens in marriage - “The borscht was especially successful today,” “The meat was well baked,” “What a lush pie!” and so on - but also her appearance. Even if you don’t notice any special changes in your wife, say pleasant words to her - this can become a great motivation for her to become better and more beautiful, because she will know that “her husband notices.”

Give compliments and flowers

Compliments have already been mentioned, but this is precisely the topic that requires especially close attention, and it should not be remembered in passing, but learned well - it is really very important for a woman to hear words of admiration from a man. Have you ever thought about how a lover usually appears in the life of a woman? It often looks like this: the wife is tired of everyday life and has not felt attention and delight from her husband for a long time. All their topics come down to children, food, cleaning. taking out the trash, repairs and other topics devoid of any romance. Then a “small miracle” happens in a woman’s life: a certain man tells her that she has luxurious hair or eyes “the color of cornflowers.” From that moment on, she begins to think about these words, about this man - she remembers that she is not only a caring mother, wife and housewife, but also a woman who can evoke romantic thoughts in a man. If she has enough romance in her family life, then she will simply ignore any characteristic of her smile, eyes and melodic laughter. Give your beloved woman flowers, make unusual surprises for her, talk about how loved and desired she is, pay attention to changes in her life. appearance, express delight, say kind words, and you will become the best man for her, Whom it is impossible not to desire.

Pleasantly surprise her in bed with new caresses or positions

Over time, the fulfillment of marital duty for many couples becomes somehow mechanical. Everything goes according to a “knurled pattern”, and takes a minimum amount of time or looks rather monotonous. Each sexual act is similar to the previous one, and practically does not cause any trepidation in both the husband and wife. You are quite capable of correcting this situation. Please note that new experiments should not be started when the wife collapses after a hard day at work. It’s best to arrange a romantic evening for the two of you, relax with a glass of wine, “warm up” the woman with gentle words, and only then get down to business. This evening, make a point for yourself - first of all, you want to please your wife in bed. Surely, during your married life you have managed to study the erogenous zones of your beloved. Now you can experience new caresses in these areas by first watching an erotic film (choose a project that is popular with the female audience). You can also read relevant literature or ask your beloved if she has any fantasies in this regard. Experiment with the pose, but this night should not be like a beginner acrobat's course - you should not try many innovations at once, in such conditions it is quite difficult for a woman to concentrate and begin to enjoy the process.

What does Orthodoxy say about this?

The Orthodox Church encourages the fulfillment of marital duty - this is a natural phenomenon between loving spouses. It is also worth noting that the church classifies adultery as a sin and, therefore, treats it negatively. In addition, any priest will tell you that during Lent it is better to abstain from intimacy, although there are no strict instructions on this matter - such abstinence should be a mature decision of the husband and wife, which is not dictated by fear of punishment. What recommendations can be given to spouses experiencing a crisis in intimate relationships?

Talk to each other.

A change of scenery.

Notice your mistakes.

Hello. I want to share my problem and try to figure it out, please help! I've read similar stories here and encountered this among my friends, but the cases are all different. My situation has already broken my whole brain, because thoughts about this problem are with me almost constantly. I’ll try to explain everything... I’m 29 years old. My husband and I met on the Internet, corresponded for a long time, about two years, at that time we lived in different cities. We didn’t dare to meet because both he and I were in relationships. We corresponded simply as friends. Then he moved to another city. Two years ago we met him there, I arrived (to be honest, we were on each other’s nerves for a long time about our meeting, but that’s a different story). Then, a couple of months later, he himself came to visit me, and then we had our first intimacy. And our third meeting already looked like my thorough move to him and we began to live together. That is, we didn’t have a candy-bouquet period as such, we immediately began to live. We don't have children. We rented a house. We had active sex, everything was fine. But now, after a while, I think that I often gave in to him in sex, had sex with him without my special desire, as long as my husband felt good, now I think that this was my mistake. I always try to make him feel good, not only in sex, I love him too much... Then we bought our own home and moved. The problems started about a year ago, when the intimacy between us became less and less frequent. And refusals are always on his part. Either he was tired, or he drank beer, or he didn’t get enough sleep. As a result, sex is once a month. In general, women who have the same situation will understand me. It is very difficult to feel that your husband is not interested in you as a woman, as a sexual object. There was no betrayal, neither his nor mine. And we immediately agreed that everything would be fair between us. I am sure that he has no other women, and he spends all his free time with me. I don’t know how to get out of this dependent relationship, I’m very tired. Thoughts about my possible betrayal visit me very often. On the one hand, I’m tired of the lack of sex, on the other hand, I don’t want and can’t lie to my husband and cheat. I talked to him about this more than once, cried, was offended, but he answers like this - I won’t become like this and I won’t become anyone else, that’s the kind of person I am, not temperamental. But before, we had sex often, more than once a week, and he behaved completely differently. I asked him what I should do, how to change the situation, maybe I’m doing something wrong or behaving incorrectly in bed with him, to which he answers everything is fine, I feel good with you, but as often as you already need me (to I mean, he's 33 years old). Tell me what to do?

Hello, Vika! I really need your advice. I am 47, my common-law husband is 48. I am perplexed by my husband’s behavior.
As a rule, I am the initiator of lovemaking. When a stable erection occurs, the husband often refuses intimacy and turns to the wall. I don't understand why this is happening. After all, for men, an indicator of his readiness and desire for intimacy is precisely an erection, and then a natural release? Maybe the reason is his ex-wife? We were lovers for a year, that is. We met periodically (he did not have an intimate relationship with his wife), and now we live together constantly.
N.

Dear N.! Most often, reluctance to make love occurs in men due to the loss of emotional contact with their wife. In the male mind, sex and self-esteem are too close and strongly influence each other.
Perhaps you somehow not very delicately reproached him for his rare closeness, for the lack of initiative on his part. It happens that family sex becomes boring and ceases to bring pleasure. In this case, you need to diversify your love games and become more liberated. If you trust your spouse and do not doubt his fidelity, talk to him directly about the issue that concerns you. Ask if it's your fault that he avoids intimacy. But do it tactfully and lovingly, and in no case throw accusations. After all, this situation can only get worse.

Since we are talking about why, it means the conversation will be about tenderness. It would seem that kittens are gentle creatures who love affection, warmth and peace. But let's imagine for a moment that we will hold them in our hands for hours, stroke them, kiss them... What reaction will the kitten have? That's right, he will start scratching and trying to get out. This is the creature that loves affection. Now let's take their opponent - a dog or a puppy, which, in principle, is not so important. So, try doing the same actions with a dog. She won’t last even five minutes, we take an average dog, not a bred one. Now you have to imagine a little. You need to put a woman in the place of a cat, and a man in the place of a dog. At this time, we need to forget about conflicts between these breeds, we take exclusively their habits and characters.

Main reasons

It turns out that a woman loves affection, but not too much, while a man, on the contrary, does not like affection, he is both rude and playful. Why do men deny intimacy to women? This is explained by the fact that the man is not used to affection. This is the stronger sex. He should protect the girl, not caress her. This is how nature intended, but girls still lack affection. They want to talk with a man about close topics, about relationships, but men are not used to talking about this, and that’s it.

How, after all, can you persuade a man to have such a conversation? Here again you need to think logically. After all, it can’t be that he doesn’t need anything from you. Maybe he also wants to talk to you about something. You need to find out from him what the topic is. Once you have gathered the necessary information, you will need to choose the right moment to talk. He should be completely free, in a good mood. Ask to talk with him about a topic that interests you. He will immediately begin to refuse, making the excuse that he is busy or something else. You need to mention to him a topic that will be interesting. This should sound so that he understands that if you talk to him, then he can get his share of the “fun”. Very often this method works. You need to know that a man has the character of a child, you need to behave with him almost like a child.

Men deny intimacy to women because they deny them their desires. And yet, at first you need to show intimacy only in a home environment; a man will not be happy if you start doing this in a crowded place. He will care about what others around him think, no matter how stupid it may sound. Another very interesting point is that men do not agree to talk about all topics. For example, there are topics that are better to talk about with a friend.

And again, if we return to the animal world, a man denies a woman intimacy because it is enough for them. Don't try to force something on a person that they already have. This will be clearly unnecessary. It’s better to save him from contact with each other for a while. Then, when he wants affection, you can get what you originally wanted.

A common reason that a man does not want to have any conversations at all, but simply comes home from work and watches television, is that he is tired from work, both physically and mentally. At this time he is not ready for anything, he just wants to rest. You should provide it to him, and on the weekends you should talk to him.

To relax, you can go with him to the cinema, to a restaurant, or to other public places. Be sure to ask him what he would like, but don’t forget about your desires. Let him relax with his friends, after which he may agree to talk to you.

If he refuses you sex, then the main reason here is physical fatigue. Although this is rare, because men dominate in this matter. There is also the option that you are not satisfied with him in sex, so he decided to go “on the side,” which is quite logical, although it is offensive for you.

There may also be a health problem. Talk to him about this topic, since a man will never admit it himself, he will try to hide the problem and solve it on his own, without the help of others.

This problem was carefully studied on the example of 4000 people; both men and women participated in this test. The main group included lovers, married couples, singles and divorced people. They were all asked a question about sex, what attracted them to it and what did not attract them. As it turned out, married couples had the most interesting results. As it turned out, about 70% of the people surveyed live together without sex. These are precisely those married couples who have lived together for 10 months or more. At the beginning of their married life together, everything was fine with sex, it was frequent, regular, and nothing could affect sex. No work, no stress, no fatigue. But, after a certain period of time, sexual desire for one’s spouse began to decline, sex, in small steps, began to turn into a rare activity, which now occurred solely to satisfy a physical need, and not because of sexual craving for a partner.

As we just figured out, there are a huge number of points that clearly interfere with the development of a marriage; the only way that works well is love. You must clearly understand that sex is not just a merging in ecstasy of two bodies, but exclusively of two people who have their own individual characteristics. Again, we return to love. After all, this process is usually called correctly, and not as it is done now, that is: “Making love”, not “Making sex”. The second case is just a physical action, but the first... When you fully understand these features, then you will understand that you are not afraid of any refusal of sex. Why? Because in this way you can easily achieve trust and mutual understanding, which will definitely be followed by physical intimacy. http://www.allwomens.ru

My husband refuses intimacy - what should I do? Video

Since we are talking about why men refuse intimacy to a woman, it means that the conversation will be about tenderness. It would seem that kittens are gentle creatures who love affection, warmth and peace. But let's imagine for a moment that we will hold them in our hands for hours, stroke them, kiss them... What reaction will the kitten have? That's right, he will start scratching and trying to get out. This is the creature that loves affection. Now let's take their opponent - a dog or a puppy, which, in principle, is not so important. So, try doing the same actions with a dog. She won’t last even five minutes, we take an average dog, not a bred one. Now you have to imagine a little. You need to put a woman in the place of a cat, and a man in the place of a dog. At this time, we need to forget about conflicts between these breeds, we take exclusively their habits and characters.

It turns out that a woman loves affection, but not too much, while a man, on the contrary, does not like affection, he is both rude and playful.

Why do men deny intimacy to women? This is explained by the fact that the man is not used to affection. This is the stronger sex. He should protect the girl, not caress her. This is how nature intended, but girls still lack affection. They want to talk with a man about close topics, about relationships, but men are not used to talking about this, and that’s it.

Another very interesting point is that men do not agree to talk about all topics. For example, there are topics that are better to talk about with a friend.

There may also be a health problem. Talk to him about this topic, since a man will never admit it himself, he will try to hide the problem and solve it on his own, without the help of others.

This problem was carefully studied on the example of 4000 people; both men and women took part in this test. The main group included lovers, married couples, singles and divorced people. They were all asked a question about sex, what attracted them to it and what did not attract them. As it turned out, married couples had the most interesting results. As it turned out, about 70% of the people surveyed live together without sex. These are precisely those married couples who have lived together for 10 months or more. At the beginning of their married life together, everything was fine with sex, it was frequent, regular, and nothing could affect sex. No work, no stress, no fatigue. But, after a certain period of time, sexual desire for one’s spouse began to decline, sex, in small steps, began to turn into a rare activity, which now occurred solely to satisfy a physical need, and not because of sexual craving for a partner.