Thirty years is a wonderful age, this is the time when a woman is no longer a young, naive girl with nothing behind her. She is in the prime of life, enriched by certain life experiences, and at the same time she is still far from old age. But why does approaching the age of thirty become a cause of women's fears, stress and even depression? Experts have recently been actively studying the crisis called 30 years of crisis? How can a thirty-year-old young woman restore her peace of mind and begin to enjoy life again?

Symptoms of the 30-year-old crisis in women

The crisis of 30 years can happen both to girls with complexes, who are prevented from achieving what they want in life by their complexes, fears, doubts, and to bright, prosperous representatives of the fair sex, confident in their uniqueness. 30 years and rethinking life and the past during this period can be an excellent impetus for the spiritual, intellectual, material, and career development of a woman, if she does not give up and give in to the crisis. At the age of 30, a girl seriously rethinks her life, she analyzes all areas of her life and often makes fatal decisions: for example, she refuses a prestigious and highly paid job in order to finally do something that brings joy to her soul, even though she gets paid for such an activity will be several times less.

Rethinking relationships with men

Some prejudices still exist and disturb women's hearts. It is generally accepted in society that at the age of 30 a woman should have a family and children. Girls approaching the age of thirty without a family are often in confusion and fear. They are usually told from all sides that their classmates, for example, have two or three children, and some have already managed to get divorced several times and move to another country, but they don’t even think about marriage. 30 years is the time when a woman rethinks her past relationship with a man and becomes disillusioned with it. The pressure of society is so great that a woman, under its influence, changes her moral attitudes and life priorities. You shouldn’t jump out at the age of 30 to marry the first person you meet under pressure from society and under the influence of a crisis. But in no case should you isolate yourself from the male sex or give up on your personal life. It is necessary to analyze past relationships, understand for what reasons they had to be broken off. This will help avoid repeating mistakes in the future.

Anxious thoughts about your career

At the age of thirty, women also analyze their professional activities. Many of them feel that they are not doing what they should be doing, are not earning as much as they could earn, and have not been realized in their profession. All these thoughts and doubts lead to the desire to quit and radically change your life. You need to honestly answer the following questions:

1. Does the woman love her job?
2. Does she see prospects or is she in danger of getting stuck and not developing in the coming years?
3. Does she doubt her professionalism?

The main thing at 30 is to know what a woman really wants, what will make her happy, what exactly she expects from life and how she can get what she wants. If a woman feels dissatisfied with her job, she should take a risk and make an important decision. If this is not done, you may regret that the woman did not do this when she had the opportunity to change something in her life.

Stop comparing yourself to others

To find out how to get out of a crisis of 30 years, you need to analyze your life, but do it without comparing yourself with your peers or parents. Each woman has her own path, her own destiny and her own inner world, which guides her through life. For some, the priority was to create a family, and for others, the most important thing was to build a career. But it will be useful for all women to know about... You need to evaluate yourself and your achievements by analyzing your needs and desires, and not by analyzing other people’s lives and achievements. You need to ask yourself what I really need, then act based on the answer to this question. Only in this case will a woman find peace of mind.

It's not too late change your life at 30. This is the time when a woman is full of strength and energy. You just need to direct it all in the right direction, visit more often, learn to listen and feel yourself.

A little mysticism. Surprisingly, the crisis of 30 years coincides with the Saturn cycle in astrology, which happens in everyone’s life just in time for 29 and a half years (read: “The Return of Saturn”, or Why nothing works out (when you are 30)). All the “tails” left unfulfilled in youth—the separation from parents that never happened, uncertainty in one’s profession, confused relationships with the opposite sex—begin to persistently knock on the soul.

Psychologists say about the same thing. It is believed that seemingly mature thirty-year-olds often linger in the psychological teenage years. They continue the internal dialogue with their parents at the level of youthful rebellion, they endow the world with unjustified expectations and are unable to understand the actions of other people. Practicing psychologists usually encounter several female psychotypes who experience the crisis in different ways for 30 years.

Housewife

Girls who got married at 19–20 years old sincerely believed that the life of a housewife, wife and mother is the ultimate happiness. However, ten years later, when the children have grown up, marital relationships have ceased to excite, and many girlfriends have managed to succeed both professionally and family-wise, housewives often find themselves seeing a psychotherapist. The request most often sounds vague: depression, loss of interest in life, chronic fatigue, irritability. On this basis, excessive suspicion and unreasonable jealousy of the husband may develop, and children, against the background of their mother’s constant bad mood, begin to have unexpected problems at school.

Why is this happening? Early marriages among girls who have entrusted their economic and social well-being to a man are often associated with the fact that the role of the father automatically passes to the husband, and the woman never turns into an adult, into a person who has a certain autonomy and her own psychological boundaries.

A person who experiences deep internal discomfort will find the strength to get out of the usual rut

Working mom

Often in a young family, a woman begins to work along with her husband out of economic necessity. One cannot even dream of nannies in such conditions, and the child is often left with relatives. In my practice, there was a case when a couple, who had difficulty raising their family business, gave their one-year-old child to the mother’s unmarried sister. By the age of 30, women in such families experience a deep sense of guilt as a mother, and as a wife they have a lot of complaints against their husband. The profession may or may not work out, but in any case, at the age of 30, such a woman feels tired.

Free and accomplished

For what reason, it would seem, should such a young lady turn to a psychotherapist? Alas, our girls, unlike their Western peers, are experiencing powerful pressure from public opinion. It is broadcast through different channels: married (albeit not entirely happily married friends), parents, relatives, colleagues. And even if deep down a girl does not consider marriage the goal of life, those around her will try to correct her!

Anti-crisis behavior

What to do if the crisis of 30 years has come? Should I run to a psychologist or to the pharmacy for antidepressants? Not an option. Imagine that by the age of 30 you have approached a certain line on the map of your life, and in order to step over it, you need to leave something behind... And see a goal ahead! Refuse immature, dependent, non-adult behavior. Analyzing your own thoughts, or, scientifically, reflection, will help you realize which path you are taking. Is it the one you chose yourself? Or maybe this path suits your mother, or husband, or mother-in-law? Family model, type of activity, methods of raising a child - whose models do you follow? Do you create, perhaps by trial and error, your own standard of behavior or do you follow the beaten path, alien to you in spirit?

If you feel that you are moving through life, meeting other people’s expectations, you will unexpectedly “remember” what you dreamed of in your youth, what you wanted to become, what relationships seemed ideal and pleasing to you. As a rule, the question arises: how can the situation be changed? Leave your usual rut? This is why the crisis has existed for 30 years! A person who experiences deep internal discomfort will find the strength to “jump off the train.” Build new relationships or change old ones, go to college, change jobs, get divorced, in the end (How to predict divorce from wedding photos: 8 observations from photographers). Will be able to take responsibility for the behavior of his own child, since today the overwhelming number of psychotherapists adhere to the axiom “A child is a family diagnosis,” and dealing with a problem child is almost pointless without the personal development of the mother.

The development and maturation of a person is individual. But they all have one thing in common: at certain moments in life, age-related crises occur. For women, one of the most powerful and difficult crises is turning 30. Its manifestations are attempts to understand oneself more fully, rethinking relationships with family and friends, thoughts about the further development of a career and family...

Causes of the crisis of 30 years

A crisis situation does not appear out of nowhere. Characteristic prerequisites lead to it. For thirty-year-olds, crisis triggers.

1. Difficulties in personal life. Women who are not married by the age of 30 experience a decline in self-esteem and develop chronic depression and uncertainty about the future. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens to many. If the lady is married, there is likely to be disappointment in family life, accumulated fatigue from constant chores around the house and caring for children. Relatives and friends do not have more than enough problems, but on the contrary.
2. The appearance of signs of aging. By the beginning of the fourth decade, it is difficult not to notice the characteristic symptoms of maturity: fat deposition on the hips, cellulite, sagging skin, facial (and for some, “real” large) wrinkles. In those who have given birth several times, the symptoms are even more pronounced.
3. Uncertainty in the career field. A career doesn’t necessarily become something important. But when a serious bet is placed on it, and a high position has not been achieved by the age of 30, a crisis is inevitable.
4. Unfavorable comparison of your own achievements with others. By the age of 30, you want to achieve success in at least some area. Having failed, not buying a good home, not having a child, not moving abroad, a woman begins to feel shame, usually unconscious. Classmates and classmates who have achieved more, by their example, reinforce negative feelings and moods.

The reasons “converge” together in the period 28–32 years. Fluctuations are possible, but minor. It is no coincidence that the crisis of 30 years is called the most dangerous and most difficult in a woman’s life. Up to 80% of the fair sex in developed countries “diagnose” this crisis. And based on what symptoms?

Symptoms of a female crisis

It is possible to determine a crisis state by observing behavior, communication and thoughts. The symptoms of the crisis are especially pronounced in these areas.

1. A feeling of unrealized potential. Have you wanted so much, and now you are worried about what you have not achieved and not received? This means that the first symptom has been detected. At the age of 30, most people think about their own insolvency. Even women who have made wonderful careers and given birth to two or three wonderful children.
2. Constant “discovery” of new problems. Are you starting to notice a lot of problems? Your figure is in trouble, work isn’t great, your husband doesn’t like you, your kids don’t listen, your favorite TV series suddenly ended? This is a clear sign of a crisis. It is accompanied by many negative emotions, and against the background of the latter, any events seem worse than they are. A subjective and pessimistic view of what is happening plays a serious role.
3. Thoughts about old age. “Here I am in my thirties, I’ve become quite old,” is an obsessive thought indicating a crisis. Psychologically important numbers are a separate topic, and we will not discuss them now... The main thing is that the thirty-year mark is perceived as a subjectively terrible event, indicating the “end of youth.”
4. Birthdays are no longer a holiday. As soon as you begin to perceive your birthday as a sad date, the crisis becomes completely clear. After all, the further, “the worse.” And the next full year is another step towards old age.
5. Desire for change. By the crisis of 30 years, a clear desire is formed to get rid of the old and acquire a new one. Women change their clothing style, think about moving to another city, think about divorce and changing jobs... Usually radical changes lead to worse consequences: there is no satisfaction from the changes, since they are not caused by an objective need, but by the desire to escape from problems.
6. Scandals, grievances, disappointment in loved ones. The crisis of 30 years threatens the family and relationships with relatives. The shortcomings of the husband, parents, girlfriends, and colleagues come to the fore. The result is irritation and omissions, which develop into swearing and the end of normal communication.

Symptoms do not often appear together. Usually there is only one clearly defined one, and the rest go “in the background.” The presence of even a couple of the above signs is an alarm bell. It's time to start solving the problem.

How to deal with a crisis

Views on overcoming the crisis in 30 years are different. Some psychologists advise not to do anything at all, but just wait. Indeed, time eliminates the crisis. More precisely, from its symptoms. But the reasons will not go away unless you consciously work on them. What to do?

1. Remove some of the responsibility. Excessive workloads and the need to take care of things at home and at work will not help cope with the crisis. We need to make life easier for at least a couple of months. Your husband, relatives, and close friends will help you at home. At work - colleagues with whom I still have good relations. Is it possible to temporarily shift responsibilities to someone else? Do it.
2. Revive an old hobby, find a new one. Monotony is not good. Doing your favorite activity will help you relieve stress and take your mind off bad thoughts. Sewing, photography, cycling... What do you like most? Now is the time to return to activities that bring pleasure.
3. Spend time with your husband, relatives, friends. Spending time together will help avoid ruining relationships with loved ones. But not on the usual “duty” occasion (someone’s birthday, New Year, etc.), but just like that. Get out with your husband to a pleasant establishment, stay for a romantic evening and night together, sending the children away. Visit relatives living in another city. Meeting a good old friend after a long breakup.
4. Change for the better. Take advantage of the desire for change - improve yourself. Start visiting a fitness club, swimming pool, lose weight. Take a foreign language course. Attend some personal growth training sessions. As a last resort, take an internship and courses related to your work. Useful for peace of mind.
5. Increase endorphin levels. And we must not forget about physiology. Endorphins, which maintain a positive attitude and optimism in you, are produced in greater volumes during sports and sex. Also useful are being in the sun (including in a solarium) and eating chocolate in reasonable quantities. In general, use every moment that brings joy!

We deliberately do not encourage soul-searching, compiling lists of positive and negative traits, or preparing plans for the future. Such psychological tricks do not save you from the crisis of your 30s, since during this period a woman is deprived of rationality. No matter how much you talk about the “beautiful distant”, a walk in the fresh air, a glass of wine by candlelight, and a sound sleep will be more beneficial. Find out more useful information from the video below.

Results

It is impossible to avoid the crisis of 30 years. In women, it is caused by subjective unfulfillment in life, family problems, career difficulties and deterioration in appearance. Effective ways to deal with it: having a good time, maintaining good relationships with loved ones, taking care of your own body. The right approach and optimistic attitude will shorten the period of crisis to a couple of months. Afterwards there will be relief and life will return to normal.

Crises of age haunt a person from his very birth. Almost every stage of life has its own crisis. On the one hand, this is not bad: during this period a person analyzes the years he has lived, his achievements and mistakes. On the other hand, it is often difficult to cope with disappointments and dissatisfaction with one’s life. The crisis of 30 years has features that are important to take into account in order to overcome it with the least losses.

What is the crisis of 30 years?

At the age of 30, a person has already overcome the helplessness of 20-25 year olds (the beginning of an independent life far from home) and has not yet reached the impossibility of radically changing the life of 45 year olds.

What is the meaning of the age crisis? Experts point out that its main symptom is expressed by the phrase: “It’s uncomfortable to live as before, but it’s unclear how to live in a new way.” But everything that we don’t understand frightens us with its uncertainty. A person needs to figure it out and understand what exactly he needs to change in life. But change is difficult and uncomfortable, while remaining in the current state is no longer possible. This is how a crisis arises.

The crisis of 30 years can be roughly characterized by approximate phrases that describe typical feelings for this period:

• Dead end: “It’s like I’m trapped, I’m being sucked into a swamp”;
• Pointlessness: “I don’t understand why I achieve my goals. What will I achieve as a result, and what will this give me?”;
• Fear of the future: “I have lost my life guidelines. Everything ahead is like a fog, I don’t see where to go”;
• Anxious dreams: “I constantly dream that I am late for something. I get stuck at every step, it’s hard for me to move.”

Causes of the crisis

It should be noted that first of all, the crisis comes to those who have time for it. If a person works a lot, whether mentally or physically, as a rule, he does not have time for mental anguish.

In addition, one of the main reasons for the crisis of 30 years is the ability to choose your life path. Just some 50-60 years ago, our predecessors had practically a single life development scenario - school, college or technical school, marriage, children, retirement. Modern life gives us many more options and opportunities. Starting with the fact that now you can get married at 16 and at 60, and it won’t be anything out of the ordinary. Also, the specialty chosen in youth can be changed without any problems at the age of 25 or 55. When we make any decision, we automatically give up on many others, and it’s not a fact that at 30 you won’t understand that you’re not doing what you really want to do.

How to get out of a 30-year crisis?

In severe cases, it is better to consult a psychologist who will help you find ways to overcome this condition. However, you can try to use the following expert advice to solve problems yourself:

• Analysis. Analyze the overall picture of the world around you and your condition - family, friends, work, appearance, hobbies, home, relationships with relatives and colleagues. Listen to your feelings and think about how satisfied you are with the state of affairs in each of these categories. It's good to make two lists. The first is positions with which everything is fine, and the second is what I would like to change;
• Fantasies and memories. At this stage, turn on your fantasy and imagination. Imagine if there were no restrictions, what would you like your friends and loved ones to be like? What about your home or work? Go through each item on the second list and try to imagine the picture that would be most suitable for you. Remember your childhood dreams, how you imagined it all at the age of 5-10 years;
• Comparison. Now try to compare what you have with what you need. The gap may be too large, but this is not a reason to panic;
• Strategy. It is at this stage that your inner critic will be needed. First, you need to adequately assess what you have to build the desired future. Secondly, it is very important to gain courage and part with what is preventing you from achieving it. This could be a relationship that brings too much pain or a job that is boring. Don’t be afraid to change something that doesn’t bring satisfaction or, worse, only promises disappointment;
• Actions. Sometimes it is very difficult to change what you have become accustomed to over the years. But if you still decide to take drastic action, help yourself. Write a plan consisting of points that you will need to complete sequentially. And stick to this algorithm of changes;
• Modeling the future. Try to constantly keep the image of your intended goal in your head. Every step of your actions brings you closer to it. And after you achieve it, a new goal will definitely appear, no less worthy.

What not to do

Many of us, having faced a crisis for 30 years, are looking for our own solutions. And they make mistakes quite often. Let's highlight the most common incorrect actions.

Mistake 1 – taking antidepressants. Modern medicines can work wonders, but do not forget that all drugs of this kind are addictive. By taking them, you risk becoming addicted for life.

Mistake 2 – limitless patience. It has been proven that dissatisfaction with oneself and constant stress not only complicate life, but also lead to the appearance of various diseases. You shouldn't risk your health.

Mistake 3 – returning to adolescence. Some young ladies decide to make a friend 10 years younger than themselves, change their wardrobe to a youthful one, and so on. However, even if such actions relieve tension, it will not be for long, and one day the crisis will fall on you with even greater force.

Reassessment of life's meanings and values ​​is a rather long and painful process. But as a result of the correct exit from the crisis of 30 years, you will get a chance to build your new life path, which will return meaningfulness and fullness to life.

Text: Galina Goncharuk

5 5 out of 5 (2 votes)

Woman at 30: everything is just beginning

Paradoxical as it may seem, women also have a midlife crisis, only it does not arise at the age of 40-45 as in men, but much earlier, at 30... But the devil is not as terrible as he seems, therefore, as it should be In all stressful situations, you first need to understand it and then take appropriate action. The main thing is not to panic.

Why does a woman have a crisis at 30?

Family

The first thing a woman pays her meticulous attention to is family well-being. Rarely is anyone completely happy in a relationship. Even though everything was as it should be, a wedding, romance, a honeymoon, the birth of a child, and maybe more than one, there is always something to complain about. This is not surprising, anyone who wants to find a clue will definitely find it, and we all know how to make their mountains fly. Often, all the problems are imaginary, some are simply helped by friends who have not yet found their life partner and are wandering in splendid isolation, for some their mother is constantly itching, and for others they simply look at their colleagues or neighbors and try on other people’s relationships. . Nonsense! Nobody knows how things really are there, because the easiest thing is to see a smiling couple and think how lucky they are, or maybe they just perform everything so impeccably in public, but in their own home they are their worst enemies?! There may also be a problem associated with a lack of feelings for your spouse. You shouldn’t be afraid of this, just as you shouldn’t be afraid that your choice in favor of a particular man was wrong. Even if this is so, eating yourself for something that has already been done is a disastrous thing and does not bode well. It is at this age that the realization comes that further life will not change on such a scale. That is, everything that has already been acquired will remain. Firstly, this is not at all true, and secondly, everything can be changed, the main thing is to really want it.

Career

Immediately after family, a woman begins to think about work. In general, everything here is difficult for psychology. It is very important to achieve self-realization in work, and if it is not there, then life does not bring satisfaction. Let's consider several crisis situations regarding careers in general.

Early marriage

If a girl got married early and even immediately started having children, then by the age of 30 the children have already grown up, begin an independent life and have their own hobbies. There is more free time, but there is nothing left to do. Due to the fact that pregnancy after pregnancy, as well as family life, simply left no chance for obtaining a high-quality and good education, and in some situations, education at all, it is much more difficult to find a decent job. An obsessive thought is formed in the mind that everything is lost and missed.

Lack of family and complete dedication to work

This problem concerns career women to a greater extent. By the age of 30, everyone begins to go to corporate events together with their husbands, and children already go to school and bring their first successes, forming the basis for the pride of their parents. All this is so annoying because the career woman has nothing to say in response. All she has is a successful job and a few fans. And I really want to come home and also cook dinner for someone, do laundry, or just discuss the film after watching it... The development of possible events in this situation is stable and follows several patterns. In one situation, a woman quits work and goes headlong into her family or simply gives birth for herself; in another situation, she withdraws and puts an end to her personal life in principle. “Why, I’ve been alone for so many years and I can still…” she thinks... It’s worth noting right away that the second option is wrong, because every year everything will only get worse!

beauty and health

By the age of 30, the first wrinkles appear, the overall level of hormones drops and the gradual withering of natural beauty begins. At the same time, the first health problems arise, chronic diseases begin to appear and, in general, more pronounced fatigue appears after the same working day. As stylists and cosmetologists say, by the age of 30 a woman has the appearance she deserves. But this belief is not entirely wrong, just somewhat outdated. Modern possibilities allow you to achieve the appearance that only comes to mind, regardless of age and initial data. And at 30, this can be done even without resorting to plastic surgery. Just a few cosmetic procedures can work wonders. And health at this age only gives reason to think. Almost everything can still be corrected, the main thing is to maintain it at a certain level and carry out preventive measures on time.

The nature of the emergence of internal conflict is individual for each representative of the fair sex. As soon as the first symptoms of the “crisis blues” appear, you should not hesitate and you must urgently take decisive action.

How to overcome the crisis of 30 years of age in women

If you have thoughts about what to do, then this is already a good sign! This means that the right way to correct the situation has been chosen. Of course, no one can completely say what to do, because each situation is as individual as the woman herself, along with her temperament, character and principles, but there are still some recommendations.

Deal with your thoughts

Since the problem is psychological in nature, it’s worth starting with psychology. If you are unable to sort out your thoughts on your own, you should consult a professional psychologist. Literally a few sessions will help put all the dots in place and start a positive level of thoughts again. There is no need to be afraid of a psychologist, because this is not a specialist who treats “fools”, he is called a psychotherapist. Often problems arise due to certain complexes... So, maybe it’s time to admit that they exist and start fighting?!

Take care of yourself

You need to devote more time to yourself. If you simply don’t have enough time for salons and massages, then you need to find it, and if you don’t have money, then learn how to do everything that is possible on your own at home.

Give yourself a lot of new impressions

The first thing that comes to mind is travel, but there is no opportunity yet, you can turn your attention to local entertainment and entertainment events. Going to the cinema, parks, attractions, city events and everything else can also give a lot of impressions.

Improve your marital status

For those who are married, there is a lot of advice on how to bring back romance and rekindle passion, for those who have not yet decided on a spouse, now is the time to act.

Everyone can choose the most rational solution for themselves, the main thing is to want it and stick to the plan to correct the situation. Everything is better ahead, especially now that we have experience and desire.

Advice for a 30 year old woman

But no! Joke! No advice! It's time to think for yourself and be the master of your life! Stop looking up to society and its social foundations. 30 years is attractive because now you can live the way you want, without paying attention to anyone around you. The only thing worth doing is to notify the entire neighborhood that an adult girl, but full of vitality, is setting off to meet new emotions and sensations! Beware people!