Useful tips
Saying no to another person is always difficult, and many of us take on obligations that we would like to avoid.
Sometimes we we agree out of politeness, but sometimes we simply don’t know how to refuse a person.
Human nature is such that we want to be liked. b We want to be kind and pleasant to other people.
In many cases, not being able to say no can become a problem because,that we forget about ourselves and our needs, while at the same time trying not to hurt someone else's feelings.
If you're afraid to say no most of the time, you're doing yourself a disservice. It is important for you to set your priorities. By agreeing to everything, you risk simply burning out.
So how to refuse a person without offending him? Here are some tips, how to do it politely and tactfully.
How to learn to refuse people
1. Use the word "No."
Use " No", "Not this time", but not " I don't think so", "I'm not sure", "Maybe next time". The word “No” has incredible power. Use it if you are absolutely and definitely sure that there can be no other answer. And you don’t need to apologize for your answer. Practice saying the word “No” until you feel comfortable, pronouncing it.
2. Use decisive but polite options.
I appreciate your time, but no thanks.
Thanks for thinking of me, but my plate is already full.
No thanks!
Not today, thanks.
Not for me, thanks.
I'm afraid I can't.
I'm not that interested in yoga/hard rock/computer games, but thanks for asking.
I don't want to.
I think I'll refuse.
3. Don'tbe cunning.
This goes for family, friends, and even your boss. You don't have to come up with some elaborate ploy all the time - just say you don't want to. If you don't want to go to an event because you've had a rough week and would rather stay home and watch TV, say so. You shouldn't invent a dying grandmother to make your excuse more acceptable.
4. Don't keep explaining.
In some cases it is better not to go into details. If you make too many excuses, it will appear that you are lying, or it will allow the person asking you to find ways around it and get you to agree.
5. Don't be afraid to say it twice.
Some people don't respect other people's boundaries or are used to the person giving in if asked again. Don't give in just because someone is too persistent. Smile politely and say “No” again, even more firmly than the first time.
6. If necessary, say “because.”
Research has shown that the word "because" makes people agree with you, even if the reason is completely absurd. Instead of saying, "Sorry, I won't be able to make the appointment," try to give a reason to soften the refusal.
7. Smile and shake your head.
You can resort to this before leaving. This works when people on the streets are handing out leaflets or trying to get you to sign something.
8. Be relentless.
How to refuse a request
16. Don't delay.
There is no point in making someone wait for an answer if you know the answer will be no. Delaying a response only makes the situation worse. Don't say "I'll think about it" if you don't intend to.
17. You can change your answer.
Just because you agreed once doesn't mean you have to always do it.
18. Repeat this often.
The devil is not as scary as he is painted. The more you practice, the less scary it becomes. Start saying no to everything that doesn't add any value to your life.
19. What a pity!
When you say, "Sorry, I can't," while it softens your message and makes it polite, it sounds rather vague. It's better to say" What a pity, I would like to help, but I have already made an appointment with.... I wish you good luck".
20. Desire to please.
We often agree to things that aren't of primary importance because we don't want people to think badly of us. However, some people will still think badly of us, no matter how polite you are. So stop worrying about what other people will think and finally say “No.”
21. Get ahead of the request.
When you learn to say no, you will begin to proactively say “No” before the request comes up. If you think someone you know is going to invite you to their wedding, let them know you're broke.
22. Avoid those who constantly ask for things.
If you know someone who constantly asks for money without ever paying it back, avoid them, especially when you know they are going through such a period.
23. White lies.
Of course, most of the time you need to tell the truth, but sometimes you have to be creative with your answer. For example, if you know that your grandmother will try to persuade you to eat her pies, tell her that the doctor has forbidden you to eat flour unless you want to offend her. If grandma is very persistent, go back to tip number 2.
24. Not now.
You should only use this answer if you know for sure that you will consider this request later. For example, you could say that you will look into the matter when you return in a week. If the request is not urgent, do not drop everything, but say that you will take the job as soon as you complete your project.
How to refuse beautifully and competently
25. It's not about you, it's about me.
Use this phrase if you feel that the idea/person/activity is better suited to someone else, but that someone is not you. You can also say that it doesn't suit you.
26. It's not about me, it's about you.
Turn that phrase around and don't be afraid to say a firm "No" if you feel confident about it. For example, if you're a vegetarian and don't want to try "a little" of your aunt's meat, say, " Thanks, but you know I'm a vegetarian and would never try this"Draw the line when necessary, and people will respect your choice.
27. Show empathy .
Sometimes all it takes is empathy for the other person. For example, " I know it's unpleasant, but I can't, sorry".
28. You don't have to be nice all the time.
Do you need permission to refuse because you don't want to? Consider it given to you.
29. State your discomfort.
If a friend asks you to borrow money, say something like: " I don't like borrowing money, sorry".
How to refuse a job
30. I would like to help you.
Sometimes you need to be softer. " I'd like to help you with a project, but I'm swamped with work this week.".
31. Thanks, but no.
Sometimes, that's all that needs to be said. Or you can say the above phrase to soften the answer. Thus, you thank the person for contacting you, tactfully refusing him.
32. Use facial expressions and gestures.
Shake your head, raise your eyebrows, and sometimes roll your eyes. Use your body language to demonstrate that you mean business, even when you refuse politely.
33. Buy time.
Use this as a last resort, otherwise you risk being inundated with requests later. You're just postponing the inevitable, but if it helps you, you can say: " Let me think about it", "I'll check my schedule and tell you".
34. I'm flattered, but no, thank you.
Sometimes you need to be grateful that a person has asked you for something. For example, you were offered a promotion at work, but you didn’t want it.
35. I really shouldn't.
This answer is suitable for times when you would like to say "Yes", but feel that you should say no. For example, when you receive an unexpected gift. When you say this, the person will most likely respond so that you accept it without any doubt.
36. No way in the world!
This phrase should be used with caution, and perhaps only with friends.
37. I said "No."
This works with children or pushy consultants. Again, you need to be polite but firm.
38. This is not the best option.
This is a gentle way of saying “No” when, for example, someone asks you “Does this neon dress suit me?” Instead of responding harshly, say that this is not the best color and that you should try on a blue dress.
39. Mmm, no (accompanied by laughter)
Use this phrase carefully, for example, in cases where someone is asking you to work for free or is trying to insult you.
40. I know this is not the answer you were hoping for.
It is important to acknowledge the other person's feelings, and this response will help soften the rejection. If you know that the person is expecting something from you that you cannot do, say “No” and say this phrase.
How to tactfully refuse
It's impossible to deny: rejection is very unpleasant. However, it is part of life. Whether you're getting your heart broken, rejected for a job, or simply let down by a loved one, emotions will always be unpleasant. Such situations never pass without problems, it is always uncomfortable. If you yourself want to refuse someone, you also have a hard time. You need to behave tactfully, support the person and at the same time cope with your own negative emotions. If you fail, you make the rejection even more painful. Many people would like to be able to refuse gently and politely. You don't want to hurt the other person, make them feel pain and disappointment. It's all so complicated! Fortunately, there are some tips that can help you cope with such moments in life as gently as possible. 
It could even be a completely positive experience! Sometimes a refusal becomes an impetus for change, because a person begins to think about how to become better. Rejection makes you think more about yourself. This is a kind of motivation that helps you move on. If you need to turn someone down, use the tips below. This will make the situation more comfortable for everyone. 
Tell the truth
This may seem obvious, but it is important to know that if you deceive a person about the reason for your refusal, you are not making their situation any easier. Some people prefer to lie in order not to hurt the feelings of the person being rejected. This is a good intention, but this behavior does nothing to soften the blow. Honesty is your best choice, don't try to sugarcoat anything. Even if you think that lies can be for salvation, do not give in to such thoughts. The truth hurts, but then it is easier to accept, and a lie softens the effect only in the first minutes of the conversation, but ultimately poisons all the sympathy that remains after refusal. 
Be precise
General words are of no use. If you must refuse someone, be as precise and specific as possible. In the future, this will only help the person who has received a refusal. Often, a refusal, no matter what the reason for it, is perceived as a personal insult. 
The more accurately you can explain what caused the current situation, the better the person will understand that it is not his personal fault. This is a very important point for both sides of the conversation. Think through your rationale in advance so that you can present it as clearly and intelligibly as possible. This will help you reduce your own stress during failure. 
Watch your tone
Don't forget that the problem may not only be what you say, but also how you say it. Think about how the other person would feel in such a situation and try to behave accordingly. 
The tone of your voice and the timing of your conversation are the most important characteristics, so remember that it's not just about the words you choose. Of course, they are also of great importance, but we should not forget about other criteria. Do breathing exercises, try not to strain, and watch the intonation of your voice. By paying attention to this, you reduce both your own stress and the other person’s discomfort. 
Accept your role
If you are also somehow involved in the current situation, be sure to tell the person you are breaking up with. If the blame doesn't fall solely on his shoulders, the situation becomes a little more comfortable. Share the blame if this is the actual state of affairs, because the refusal is based on explaining the real situation. This will help you clearly explain the reasons for your decision, although at the time of the conversation it will be difficult for your interlocutor to perceive everything rationally and without unnecessary emotions. This is understandable, as breakups can be extremely draining. Be prepared for this, accept in advance the fact that negativity is inevitable and you are partly associated with it. 
Consider a compromise
If the situation allows, you may not need to harshly refuse the person. Sometimes a problem can be resolved through compromise. If you start a conversation with the goal of getting your point across and getting what you want, it's quite possible that the other person will be able to meet you halfway. In this case, he will feel much more comfortable. 
In such a situation, no one can emerge victorious, but it is important to come to an agreement and set the necessary boundaries. This is the most important thing because otherwise you will not be able to understand what is bothering the other person and how he will accept rejection. In any case, it is clear that this will be unpleasant. Learn to look after your own interests without hurting other people. This is a very important skill that helps you cope with rejection much more comfortably. 
Practice in advance
If you're nervous about turning someone down and want to make sure your words, intonation, and expressed emotions are appropriate, you might want to practice thinking about what you'll say and how you'll say it. This will be extremely useful for you. For example, you need to fire someone. Practice how you would break bad news to another person. When you actually need to do this, you will already know that you can say it calmly, and then you will be able to express all your thoughts in a harmonious way, honestly and carefully, which will help the other person understand that life is not over, everything is okay. You will be able to do what you have to do, but in the most optimal way possible. Enough practice is very beneficial for both you and the person you are refusing. You can also practice with a friend or loved ones. In this case, you can get an outside assessment of your behavior and ask for useful advice. This will help you understand the intricacies of the situation even better and learn to behave as correctly as possible. 
Don't expect a clear conclusion
Naturally, you would like to get some relief after a difficult conversation, but the situation does not always end this way. This is completely normal. Many people dream that the refusal will be positive and painless for everyone, but you should immediately understand that your interlocutor will not be happy. Just don't rush, don't push his emotions, don't try to cheer him up when it's inappropriate. By setting yourself up for the situation to be resolved immediately, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You shouldn't do this! Be prepared right away that your conversation will not give clear consequences. 
Rejection is hard
It is important to always remember that the best way to refuse a person is to behave with maximum attention, kindness and respect. Behave the way you try to behave in other situations. You may encounter some resentment and anger along the way, however, if you are kind, everything will work out as best as possible for everyone.
Good day to you, our dear readers! A new article has been prepared for you by Irina and Igor. “No” is a very simple word, but as simple as it is, it can be difficult to pronounce. There is nothing wrong with helping your friends, relatives or colleagues with requests.
But our dependability often plays a cruel joke on us, accumulating a pile of worries and work “for others,” forcing us to put off what is important to us. Therefore, in today’s article we will discuss how to learn how to properly refuse a person.
When is it difficult to say no?
First, let's figure out in what situations it is difficult for us to refuse other people.
The most difficult thing is to refuse your loved ones or relatives, since this may offend someone from your family, there is a fear that they will stop communicating with you or the relationship will deteriorate.
It can be difficult to refuse your boss, even if you understand that his proposal or request is meaningless and will only become an unnecessary burden and waste of working time. Most often, people are afraid to refuse their boss for fear of being fired or losing a bonus.
It happens that people are afraid to refuse even strangers for fear of a possible conflict due to refusal.
You don’t want to refuse friends, so as not to spoil the relationship and not be left alone.
In general, one or another of our fears prevents us from saying “no,” which is worth learning to fight.
Why is it so important to be able to say “no”?
At least because trouble-free people are often considered weak-willed, and this does not bring benefits to their reputation. In addition, reliability often allows you to be manipulated, forcing you to adapt to other people rather than find consensus.
And, of course, because reliability can lead to you sacrificing your more important matters for the sake of other people’s and not very important tasks. Ultimately, this lowers your success and also delays the implementation of your primary goals.
Gentle Rejection Techniques
In order for your refusal not to look like “swatting away an annoying fly,” you must first listen to the person and evaluate the importance and your ability to fulfill his request.
At this stage, it is important to be able to estimate the amount of time required to fulfill a given request, to estimate the amount of time you have, to be able to evaluate the importance of the problem for the “asker” and the importance of its implementation for yourself.
You can learn the ability to effectively evaluate your own and other people’s time, as well as set priorities, using time management techniques, which you can learn on your own thanks to video courses:
- “The Master of Time – highly productive time management according to the system of Evgeniy Popov”
- “Time management, or how to increase your efficiency”
- Free online video course “Setting and achieving goals. How to achieve results in any business?
You can also ask again and clarify some aspects of the request. This will make it clear to the interlocutor that you listened to him attentively and you “care.”
If you can’t immediately assess the resources spent and the importance of the problem, you can ask your interlocutor for time to think before making your decision. Perhaps fulfilling the request will have a number of advantages for yourself, but if not, then you should move on to refusal.
When refusing to friends and family, you can honestly describe your emotions and problems, why you cannot help them at the moment.
You have a lot of work, so you won’t be able to make it to a meeting, you have a big expenditure of money, so you can’t lend, you have important business negotiations scheduled for the morning, so you can’t meet a friend at the station at night, and so on.
Don’t hesitate to be honest, show sympathy and understanding, try to offer alternative solutions to the situation: meet later or another day, go to the bank for a certain amount of money, call a taxi to the station at night.
In a situation where the interlocutor is trying to persuade you again to fulfill his request, stand your ground and say the same thing again, slightly paraphrasing, but leaving the general meaning.
In case of refusal, management should provide reasonable reasons for its refusal.
It can be difficult, but if you learn how to do it, it will only increase your importance as a “smart” employee.
If the manager wants to “assign” one or more responsibilities to you, then if you refuse, you should list your current responsibilities or indicate the main task that you are currently busy solving. If your manager doesn't back down, ask him for help in prioritizing work.
So, the boss will understand how busy you are, or at least, this will provide a temporary opportunity to postpone the completion of a new assignment for the period when you are free from current issues.
If management makes unreasonable requests, try to appeal with labor laws or your job description. If it is difficult for you to speak directly, you can prepare a refusal in writing, this will make the task much easier.
When refusing to help a colleague with his job responsibilities, you can also refer to workload or refuse without explanation, using the phrase: “I would like to help, but I can’t do it right now.”
Be firm and do not give in to persuasion, because if you fulfill someone else’s responsibility once, you risk doing it “for life.” 
You can also use the compromise “no” technique, in which case you agree to fulfill the request, but on your own terms, otherwise you refuse to fulfill the request.
For example, if a colleague asks for a ride to work, you can agree, while indicating that you will give him a ride only if he is waiting at the appointed place exactly at the appointed time, otherwise you have the right not to wait for him.
If you do not find your problem reflected in the above recommendations, we advise you to pay attention to the book by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher “Learn to say “No” , which describes all sorts of methods and practices on how to learn how to properly refuse people.
Are you familiar with the problem of not being able to refuse? How do you approach solving it? Do you have your own duty phrases?
Best regards, Irina and Igor
In the modern world, the ability to refuse is valuable, as is the ability to come to the rescue. Having agreed once with what is unpleasant or does not want to be done, a person runs the risk that they will bother him to fulfill this request more than once.
Those who are not ready to make a reciprocal gesture will ask for help without remorse.
It happens that a person, having a reliable comrade nearby, constantly shifts part of his obligations onto him. Not everyone can say “no” culturally and competently. Let's look at the basic phrases that help you politely refuse a person without offending him:
- Frank refusal. The method will be an effective refusal of a request from an annoying acquaintance. You should not look for excuses for not fulfilling a request - this will cause doubts in the person asking.
- Sympathetic refusal. This type is suitable for people who seek a feeling of regret with their requests. It would seem that it is impossible to ignore the situation, but even here there will be an option to delicately reject the request, saying “I’m sorry, but I can’t help.”
- Delayed refusal. The option will be suitable for people who are absolutely unable to say “no”. If for a person refusal is considered a whole drama, we suggest postponing it for a while.
With the answers “I need to consult”, “I will give an answer later, when I return from vacation”, you can beautifully refuse impudent interlocutors.
- Justified refusal. The essence of this method is to announce the real reason. For example, you need to go to the cinema with your child, go to your mother’s dacha, or attend a gala event.
This type is suitable for refusing a meeting, and to be convincing, it is advisable to give 2-3 reasons.
- Diplomatic refusal. The method is suitable for polite, reserved people who offer an alternative in return. Correctly refuse with the phrase “I can’t help, but I have a friend who is dealing with this issue.”
- Compromise refusal. Suitable for people who always help those who ask. By correctly offering a compromise, you can turn the situation in your favor.
If the interlocutor asks to babysit the child all day, answer: “I can babysit the baby, but only from 12 to 5 pm, due to the fact that I already have things planned.”
Know that you cannot refuse everyone. There will always be people who need the help and affection of strangers. Therefore, it is important to distinguish between individuals who really require help from those who simply want to shift their circumstances onto the shoulders of another person.
Options for different situations
Quite often it happens that a person has to do something that he has no desire to do. Situations surround people all the time: colleagues, boss, relatives, children, friends. In such a matter, it is important to show confidence, while remaining in good relationships.
Note! The most common request is for money. Having lent money to a person once, you can expect him to come back with a request again.
Psychologists agree that constant failure is fraught with stress, headaches, and insomnia. The main problem of such people is a decrease in time to satisfy their own needs, as well as the inability to live a personal life and fulfill their dreams.
Applicants appear from everywhere, they cannot be refused or offended, so you have to agree. Let's consider possible situations and their solutions.
| Situation | Solution |
| Colleague asks for help with work | Explain to the intrusive employee that employees at the company have a range of jobs, and doing things of a different nature will result in a loss of time. |
| Refusing a stranger asking to visit | Give reasons for the refusal; if there is no priority in communicating with your new interlocutor, feel free to say a categorical “no” |
| Negative response to relatives | Explain to parents or other family members that your own life has needs |
| Refusal of requests to superiors | Refer to the employment contract if the assigned obligations exceed their due amount |
| In a request for money | Explain the reason for the refusal, and also formulate the correct answer, for example: “I cannot borrow money because I am planning a large expenditure of funds.” |
Saying “no” to an intrusive stranger is easy - in this case, the need to value communication, authority or your position disappears. It’s another thing to give a negative answer to those with whom you don’t want discord in your relationship. When forming your refusal, pay attention to the following undesirable actions:
- Do not look at your interlocutor and speak in incomprehensible phrases. Then the opponent will get the impression that the person is refusing, looking for all sorts of excuses for refusal.
- Apologize constantly. If, after a negative answer, you are tormented by remorse, you should not show this to your interlocutor. This way you will contribute to his conclusions about guilt.
- Talk too much. Such a move may raise the suspicion that a person is being deceived by trying to tell him a lie.
- Operate with a large number of arguments. Maximum - 2 reasons for refusal, otherwise it will seem that other arguments were thought up on the fly.
- Promise too good an alternative. Rid your opponent of false hope. If there is no good alternative in sight, it is better to refuse immediately.
There is always the option of partial refusal - a good way if you don’t want to spoil your relationship with a person. It involves putting forward your own conditions, which the opponent must accept in order to achieve consensus.
Important! Do not promise a person golden options if you cannot fulfill the request - this will worsen your reputation, cause discord in communication, and ruin your authority.
A correct, polite refusal is the key to a long-lasting, calm relationship. Learn to do this correctly and only when you really cannot help the person.
Useful video
- Related Posts
Are you familiar with situations when you are asked to do something and you agree, although your inner voice resists and advises you to do the opposite. Probably yes, if you are reading this article. This problem is very common in our society and not only among timid and anxious people, but also among brave and self-confident people. Why is it so difficult to refuse? What is this behavior based on? What guides a person at this moment: feelings or reason? And, most importantly, how to learn to say “no”?
Why are we afraid to refuse people's requests?
- Quite often, the roots of the problem lie in strict upbringing.. Children whose authoritarian parents completely suppress their will always obey unconditionally or begin to protest against everything around them. In the first case, they carry into adulthood the habit of listening and fulfilling the requests of others.
- Fear of ruining relationships. And the closer and more significant these relationships are, the more often we agree to fulfill requests. Thoughts usually swirl in my head: “What will he think of me? What if he considers me unreliable (unreliable)? Will he communicate with me after this?” Usually the anxiety and discomfort caused by such experiences are stronger than the desire to refuse, and we agree.
- Fear of losing existing opportunities. Many are afraid of losing what they have and they consider any refusals a threat to their position.
- The need to feel self-worth. “If they turn to me, it means that I am needed and important,” such a person thinks, and this greatly warms his soul. Quite often these strings are played by manipulators. “Perhaps no one can handle this except you” or “I can only entrust this matter to you” - this is how they formulate their request, and the person falls for their bait.
- Fear of loneliness. People may fear that if they refuse a request, they will be rejected and left alone.
- Delicacy, politeness. If these qualities are overdeveloped, and a person is accustomed to sacrificing his interests for the sake of others, then saying “no” seems to be an extremely difficult task for him. Although, even being very loyal and responsive, some people know how to gracefully refuse a request.
- Desire to avoid conflict. On the one hand, this is the fear of causing indignation in the interlocutor (relative, friend, colleague, boss). On the other hand, there are difficulties in defending your opinion.
Why is it so important to learn to refuse and say “no”
What are the consequences of not being able to say “no” and constantly providing favors to other people?
- By regularly responding to requests, you deplete your internal resources, especially if you do it against your own will. , nervous breakdowns, apathy can be consequences of this.
For example, you are burdened with additional unpaid work, you constantly stay late, and come home tired. Of course, this negatively affects health, mood and family relationships.
- Afraid of seeming impolite and callous and constantly agreeing to everything that you are persuaded to do, you end up looking in the eyes of others as spineless and unable to defend your “I”.
- By doing what other people ask you to do over and over again, you can relax them. By demonstrating constant reliability, you encourage their vices and weaknesses: laziness, selfishness, a tendency to consume, a desire to evade responsibility, and others.
For example, a friend regularly asks you to borrow money because she doesn’t know how to “live within her means,” correctly calculate her expenses and quickly spend all her savings. By fulfilling her request, you increasingly allow her to plunge into the abyss of financial problems and an irresponsible attitude towards money. Wouldn't it be better to talk openly with your friend about this and try to help her change her approach to life?
- You regularly sacrifice your interests, affairs, time, fulfilling the will of others. You may even stop developing spiritually, giving all your strength to it.
For example, a neighbor asks you to babysit her child all day and evening every Saturday. You agree by refusing to go to the gym or visit your parents. At the same time, you know that she has relatives who probably will not approve of her regular meetings with friends and parties. That’s why she turns to you, but you cannot competently refuse, because you feel sorry for the baby and sincerely want to help.
- Realizing that you are constantly being taken advantage of, you yourself begin to have a negative attitude towards these people and avoid communicating with them.
How to say “no” and be able to politely refuse a person
So, you need to correctly refuse a request in situations where:
- they use you and constantly contact you;
- indeed, there is no time, no opportunity (for various reasons) to do what is asked;
- you are very tired;
- what they want from you is at odds with your views, principles, and values.
The first stage on the path to developing the ability to say “no” is admitting that you really have a problem with this, you want to solve it and learn to refuse.
Then analyze situations where you did not want to comply with a request, but were unable to say “no”. How do they affect your life? What negative consequences do they lead to? The result of the analysis should be a persistent dislike of one’s dependability and the desire to get rid of it.
After this, you need to move on to action and reinforce a valuable skill in behavior. You need to start with training at home with the possible involvement of loved ones or a friend.
How to politely refuse to communicate with someone
- Practice saying “no” in front of the mirror. Imagine a request from someone around you, formulate a refusal phrase. Say it until you like the sound of it and until you feel confident and firm in your voice. You can ask your family to play out this situation with you. After your workout, notice how you feel.
- It is important to put aside your fears that others will be offended, stop communicating with you, reject you, or cause a scandal if you refuse them. Surely most of your acquaintances (relatives, friends, colleagues) asking for something are adequate people who are able to understand that you also have your own affairs and needs and you cannot do it now.
- Make it a rule: when you are asked for something, wait a while before saying “yes”, because often consent is given out of habit, automatically. A pause will help you collect your thoughts, weigh key points, and cope with anxiety.
- Always make eye contact when you say no. This shows your confidence and firm decision. Unintelligible phrases and glances “past” the interlocutor are perceived as consent, albeit reluctant.
- Start small - at first refuse minor requests, for example, to lend money or meet with a friend.
- When refusing, speak on your own behalf, use the pronoun “I”: “Unfortunately, I can’t help you,” “I don’t feel comfortable doing this,” etc.
- Don't use excuses, it reduces respect for you. The refusal should sound firm, but calm.
- Always listen to the person before you say no. This way you will show respect for him and will have time to find the right words yourself.
- Be sure to explain your refusal to the person, tell him why you cannot fulfill the request. This will help maintain mutual understanding between you.
- Voice your feelings, for example: “Of course, I’m upset that I won’t be able to help my best friend.”
- Help with advice, express your opinion on how this situation can be resolved or who is best to contact to fulfill the request.
- How to properly refuse work if you are loaded with additional tasks? You can choose the following phrase: “I cannot fulfill these duties, since all my working time is spent on the project I am working on,” or “I cannot stay late at work, since I must devote this time to my family.”
Love and respect yourself. You must be sure that having personal time and valuables is your legal right. And always remember that refusal is not a disregard for the interests of another person, but the need to make him understand that the request cannot be fulfilled “here and now.”
Practical advice and real-life examples. Why is it so important to learn to say no?