When studying this problem, it is important to pay attention to certain aspects of the procedural characteristics of interpersonal communication. So, in communication as a communicative process, in every news message There are two types of information, influencing each other and collectively creating originality and one or another degree of success of information exchange:
- a) so-called text information, including information of a verbal and non-verbal nature: this includes everything that the communicator says and does;
- b) personalized information, associated with the nature of the recipient’s relationship with the communicator, which can be positive, neutral or negative. The degree of attunement (or not attunement) of the recipient to the communicator (Lk) can be different, and this is clearly presented on the relationship scale (Fig. 28.5).
Rice. 28.5.
The situation when the communicator is on the right side of the relationship scale in the eyes, opinion of the recipient, is called attraction (attractiveness, positive attitude). In this regard, for specialists dealing with people, the problem of attraction becomes relevant - creating a positive attitude in the recipient, a positive emotional attitude towards oneself.
One of the laws of communication is that people more easily accept the point of view, position, ideas and thoughts of someone who is treated positively, experience positive emotions, and, conversely, with a negative attitude, a so-called personalized barrier to perception and understanding of information is created. That is why one of the professional tasks of a lawyer, teacher, manager, and other specialists working with people is to create circumstances in which, when solving professional problems, they would be on the right side of the relationship scale in the eyes and opinions of their communication partners, i.e. . creating an attraction.
Attraction is a special type of social and socio-psychological attitude toward another person, in which a positive emotional component predominates; it is the involuntary emergence of a positive emotional attitude when perceiving another person. Attraction is one of the socio-psychological mechanisms for regulating relationships between people.
When studying this socio-psychological phenomenon, it is important to remember that the mechanisms of attraction are not in the area of human consciousness, but in the area of the unconscious. A person can look and not see, listen to someone and not hear. Everything depends on the degree of involvement of his consciousness in these processes. But information perceived by our senses and not recorded in our consciousness does not disappear without a trace, especially if it is significant for us, affects our needs and carries a sufficient emotional charge. As if bypassing consciousness, which at this time may be occupied with other information, emotionally rich and need-significant information remains in the sphere of the unconscious and from there exerts its influence, which manifests itself in the form of an emotionally charged and unconsciously directed attitude towards the source of information.
If you induce a communication partner with information that has a positive meaning for him, contributes to the satisfaction of his significant needs and which he would not be aware of, then positive emotional states involuntarily arise in him. In this case, the effect of a positive attitude towards the communication process appears and the communicator moves to the right on the relationship scale.
Any contact with people should not begin with the formation of negative emotions in them. In this case, partial or complete blocking of information impact occurs.
In the psychology of information perception, it is known that people remember best the beginning and end of a conversation. The beginning of a conversation creates the basis for its main part, and the ending leaves in memory the general attitude towards this conversation and towards the communication partner. A psychologically justified tactic of punishment and behavior in a situation where continuation (and even conducting) of a conversation is undesirable is as follows: it is necessary to create dynamics of emotional states in the partner, in which the beginning and end of the contact, conversation would be positively emotionally saturated, and the middle (main part) of the conversation , the conversation may also have a negative emotional orientation.
This can be visually represented as follows (Fig. 28.6).
Rice. 28.6.
In practical activities, the ability of a specialist to create attraction among partners in communication is of extremely great importance. This is one of his professional duties.
Attraction techniques are based on inducing a communication partner with information that is need-based and leads to the successful fulfillment of these needs.
Ask yourself: which interlocutor is easiest for you to convince that you are right - the one who sympathizes with you or the one who treats you with obvious antipathy? The answer is obvious. All other things being equal, people more easily perceive the position of the person towards whom they have an emotionally positive attitude and, conversely, it is more difficult to accept (and often reject) the person towards whom they have an emotionally negative attitude.
How to manage this factor and win people over. There is a category of people who know how to win over individuals, almost immediately gain trust, and evoke a feeling of sympathy.
In recent years, in Soviet and foreign psychology, the term “attraction” (synonymous with "interpersonal attraction"). For the first time as an officially recognized concept, this term is found in the international directory of psychological research Psychological Abstracts, which in 1965 allocated works devoted to the problem of attraction in a special section.
The term “attraction” is a translation from the English word attraction (literally translated as “attractiveness”), which Webster’s dictionary defines as attraction in the physical sense, noting that it is also a certain tendency towards unification. Naturally, such a definition is not enough to understand the psychological meaning of the term and its relationship with other phenomena. Let us turn to special psychological dictionaries and encyclopedias, as well as to the data that was obtained in empirical research by psychologists. So, for example, in the “Concise Psychological Dictionary” (1985, p. 26), attraction is defined as “a concept denoting the emergence, when a person perceives a person, of the attractiveness of one of them for another,” and in the dictionary of English and English (1958) attraction is understood as a feature of an object that facilitates the involvement of a person in joint activity with this object. At the same time, it is noted that although attraction is attributed to an object, in fact it is a characteristic of the interaction between a person and an object. In addition, the term “attraction” can also be used to denote negative feelings towards a partner. Thus, the attraction of an object is determined by the needs and desires of the person evaluating it, no less than by the characteristics of the object itself (L.Ya. Gozman, 1987).
Unfortunately, these rather detailed definitions do not provide an adequate idea of what researchers understand by attraction. They themselves either do not give a definition of attraction at all, or give extremely brief definitions that are inconsistent not only with each other, but sometimes even with the approach to this problem of the author himself.
For example, a number of authors (F.V. Bassin, 1971; L.V. Blagonadezhina, 1956; V.K. Vilyunas, 1976; L.S. Vygotsky, 1958; S.L. Rubinshtein, 1973; P.V. Simonov , 1970; G.X. Shingarev, 1971, etc.) consider attraction as an emotion, and as a result, attraction becomes a problem of general psychology, not a social one. However, the specificity of attraction compared to other emotions lies in its subject - attraction is an emotion that has another person as its subject (L.Ya. Gozman, 1987).
In addition, attraction can be considered as a special type of social attitude towards another person, in which the emotional component predominates, when this “other” is assessed primarily in categories characteristic of affective assessments (G.M. Andreeva, 1996). Attraction as a mechanism of social perception is usually considered in three aspects: the process of forming the attractiveness of another person; the result of this process; quality of relationships. The result of this mechanism is a special type of social attitude toward another person, in which the emotional component predominates.
E.V. Andrienko (2001, p. 205) points out that “ attraction- a special form of perception and cognition of another person, based on the formation of a stable positive feeling towards him.” In a broad sense, interpersonal attraction refers to the formation of a positive emotional attitude in the process of people’s perception of each other.
L.Ya. Gozman (1987) believes that this term can denote both the process of forming an emotional attitude and the result of this process, that is, some quality of the formed attitude. In addition, the scientist writes, even if we consider attraction only as a characteristic of an attitude, at least two components can still be distinguished in it:
§ Emotion directed at another person.
§ Attitude towards another as a single, unique object.
So, as we see, attraction is a rather ambiguous term. Attraction is understood, first of all, as the feeling of one person for another. As such, it represents a special case among emotional phenomena. Then, attraction is an attitude towards another person, i.e. it also belongs to the class of social attitudes; finally, attraction is an assessment of a person (good, attractive), therefore, it represents a certain component of interpersonal perception (Gozman).
From the point of view of L.Ya. Gozman (1987), in modern psychological science, attraction is understood as:
§ attraction in the physical sense, stimulating some tendency towards unification;
§ a feature of an object that promotes the involvement of a person in a joint activity with this object, which expresses the characteristics of the interaction between this person and the object;
§ an emotion that has as its object another person, an attitude toward another person;
§ emotional component of interpersonal communication.
Attraction is (from English) the attraction of one individual to another. What does this all mean? This means liking each other. When one person has a positive relationship with another, feelings arise between them. Under the influence of attraction, one person begins to perform joint actions with another. It is measured by the Interpersonal Rating Scale.
What is an attraction?
In psychology, attraction is the friendly attitude of one person towards another. Also expressed in sympathy between people. It is mainly associated with relationships between people and is realized when one person communicates with another. According to other sources, it means the appearance in the process of one person’s perception of attractiveness towards another person.
The main factors influencing the formation of attraction are constant meetings, the distance of one person from another, common topics and interests, and the influence of various circumstances. Attachment begins to develop in one person to another under the influence of a peculiar emotional relationship. At the moment of assessing this relationship, a whole range of feelings arises. Such emotional manifestations include:
- Love;
- sympathy;
- hatred.
Expressed under the influence of social attraction on another person. Attraction is also considered a human emotion. The result of the action is the creation of a reliable family by a person, as well as the appearance of friends and a small group of the right people of a certain circle. Psychologists and sociologists have long been studying the mechanism that causes the development of friendly relations between one person and another. They study the mechanism of attachment at the moment of perception of one by another, as well as the reasons that cause the emotional state.
Factors
Attraction factors are external and internal. They, in turn, are divided into categories. External factors include factors that are vaguely related to the communication of one person with another:
- The emotional state of the individual. Attraction is related to a person’s mood. If he frowns, people's interest in him decreases, but a cheerful and cheerful person, on the contrary, is interesting to many people.
- Distance between individuals. If a person is close to another person during communication, the attraction is more active. If proximity is not appropriate, one individual may develop aggression towards another, since such proximity may be regarded by the person as a violation of his personal space. The friendly zone operates at a distance of one meter, and the public zone is at a distance of three meters.
- A person's ability to carry on a conversation. Whether another individual will like him or not will depend on his sociability and ability to attract attention. The more a person tries to please another, the more the other individual will show interest in him. Internal factors include those that are formed at the moment of communication.
- Appearance. People like a good-looking person more. An ugly person, on the contrary, is not conducive to communication.
- Communication manners. Whether a person can like him or not depends on how beautifully and correctly a person communicates. Bad behavior and the wrong tone of communication repel the interlocutor. Even if a person looks beautiful outwardly, his rudeness and tactlessness will immediately scare off his interlocutor.
- For communication, a person often chooses a person with qualities that he himself does not have.
- People of the same status and the same interests find a lot in common best of all.
Mechanisms
Attraction is the main form of cognition of one individual by another, which is based on the emergence of positive emotions between people. Partners understand each other better due to the emergence of affection between them. Affection can be friendly or intimate.
One individual more easily accepts the position of another if he experiences positive emotions towards him. The whole mechanism is as follows. Signals received through the senses may disappear or remain. This is influenced by their significance and the emotional state of the individual. Signals that are emotionally significant for an individual are missed by consciousness, and they remain in the memory storehouse, even if the person is not aware of it. Consequently, an individual, on an unconscious level, treats another individual differently without realizing it.
If at the time of communication a person sends special signals: emotionally significant, positive and unconscious, the other individual will form the opinion that the interlocutor was pleasant in communication. This is how attraction is formed. This mechanism does not allow you to convince or prove anything to another individual. It only allows you to positively position one person towards another.
The attraction mechanism allows you to create a special attitude towards another individual. At the same time, emotional components predominate in it. In the mechanism of attraction, emotional attachment appears among people with common views and interests. Such relationships allow one individual to better understand the other. The more one person likes another, the more this person knows about him, and new information is interesting and important to him. The perception of one person by another largely depends on the first impression. At the same time, interlocutors often cannot say exactly why they like or dislike the interlocutor. Opinions are formed based on subconscious reactions and emotions.
Techniques
Attraction methods are as follows:
- “Proper name” - during communication, address the interlocutor by name, preferably by first name and patronymic. This technique lets a person know that you are interested in him as a person. On a subconscious level, the sound of your own name attracts a person to your interlocutor, and expressive intonation will help you establish verbal contact with your opponent.
- “Mirror of relationships” (“monkey technique”) - consists of behavioral repetition of the interlocutor’s movements (position of arms, legs, head tilt), as well as facial expressions, facial expressions (sullenness, smile, gaze). This technique allows you to reveal a person in a non-verbal way and set him up for contact and a productive conversation.
- “Patient listener” means listening carefully to your interlocutor, trying not to interrupt him, while watching his intonation and personal attitude to the fact or object of the story, and sharing his emotional mood. Unbeknownst to himself, he will move from a monologue to a dialogue with you, which will allow you to continue your communication constructively.
- “Personal life” - initially knowing about the hobbies or hobbies of your interlocutor, you can start a conversation with him on a topic that is interesting to him, which, in turn, will identify you as a person in his environment. In this case, the maximum result will be achieved if you start a conversation in an appropriate environment. For example, if a person is interested in painting, you can start a conversation with him in an art gallery or at an exhibition.
- “Golden words” are an opportunity during verbal communication to encourage a person’s self-esteem with compliments, while it is necessary to think in advance about options for compliments and praise for an interlocutor or a group of interlocutors, so as not to overdo it.
There are many examples of attraction using these techniques. But to understand how they work, you should study the ones below.
"Proper name"
The man intends to win over his interlocutor, calling him by name and patronymic: “Hello, Igor Alexandrovich. I’ve heard a lot about you as a high-level specialist and I’m glad to meet you personally...”
"Mirror of Relationships"
Two interlocutors. The person who needs to be won over sits at the table and keeps his arms crossed and with a “sour face.” The second person sits opposite and takes a roughly similar hand position and repeats the facial expressions. Subsequently, after 7-8 minutes, you can gradually unclasp your hands and smile; if the interlocutor repeats the actions after you, it means that he is psychologically disposed and in the mood for a conversation.
"Patient Listener"
Man after 10 minutes of continuous dialogue: “...You can’t imagine how offensive it is when you are not understood. But I want to correct and improve the process...”
The psychologist (interlocutor) listened carefully to his interlocutor: “I absolutely agree with you. They simply underestimate a creative person like you and your skill. But what can you say about such a problem as....”
The main thing here is to listen carefully to your interlocutor, and not intuitively nod your head in silent agreement.
"Personal life"
Psychologist (interlocutor): “Vladislav Ivanovich, I heard from our friends that you are interested in entomology.”
Man: “I don’t know who told you this, but it’s true. You can’t imagine what a collection of butterflies I have.”
Psychologist: “You know, I also used to be fond of collecting interesting butterflies.”
"Gold words"
The boss in front of the team: “Dear friends and colleagues. I would like to express my gratitude to you all for the work and achievements of our colleague Alexander Alexandrovich. I would like to note that his achievement is the merit of the entire team. I wish him continued creative success in his career.”
Firstly, in this case, by encouraging the conditional Alexander Alexandrovich, you motivate him for new achievements, and secondly, the entire team - and improving the quality of their work.
Attraction is (in psychology) a complex and versatile concept. In short, it determines the sympathy of one person for another. Attraction is gravitation, and mutual.
Psychological definition
Different sources give approximately the same interpretation of this concept, but they all mean approximately the same thing. Attraction is an expression of sympathy, a friendly type of communication, a manifestation of warm and friendly feelings. And the development of attractiveness occurs, as a rule, as a result of the emotional and somewhat specific relationship of one individual to another. The assessment of the sensations that arise in this case among the participants in a communicative act gives rise to a huge range of feelings, sparkling with diversity. It can be anything, from ordinary human interest to falling in love, which often quickly develops into love. And all these emotions are expressed in the special attitude of one person towards another.
Since the emergence of psychology, specialists in this field, together with sociologists, have been studying the principle of the formation of attachments, as well as various feelings between people. As a result of various studies, the concept of “attraction” appeared, which later became the impetus for further study of people. cause the reasons for the appearance of sympathy, the circumstances under which it happened, what was the distance between them, how often opponents see each other, and much more.
Individuality is the determining factor
Why is one person perceived differently by different people? One may like him incredibly, and he would gladly communicate with him for hours on end. The other person simply cannot stand this person and dreams of him disappearing from his life. It's all about individuality. But not only this.
The first impression and opinion created on its basis is very important. Psychologists have proven that it is this that is the basis for building subsequent communication. In a few seconds you can understand whether there is a prospect for communication or not. And in most cases, the first opinion does not deceive people. Appearance, the smell of cologne, gestures, behavior, clothing, manners, intonation, gaze - all this forms the opinion of one opponent about another. All this shows a person as he is. Something, of course, can be hidden, but it is impossible to keep track of all the little things. And if two people meet each other’s standards, then the likelihood of sympathy or at least a desire to communicate is high.
Grammar
By the way, it should be noted that attraction is also a turnover, which is expressed in the absence of a specific syntactic connection between one and the second members of the sentence. That is, the adjective genitive case could not be used together with the subject. One of the most striking examples is the phrase that sounds like “killed by the feet of elephants.” It sounds strange, but at a time when the paratactic system dominated the language, this was normal. Nowadays it looks like this - “killed by the feet of elephants”. The use of the genitive case is visible. This is the specificity of syntactic attraction.
Attraction levels
Attraction is a fairly extensive term in psychology, which includes several more. It's worth talking about her levels. There are only three - sympathy, friendship and love. As you can see, the levels are positive. There is no such thing as "dislike", for example. That’s right, since attraction is a manifestation. But the emotional assessment “I hate” begins to form if one individual, for some reason, begins to irritate another. Situations are different, and almost all of us are familiar with them.
Each level has its own characteristics. Sympathy, for example, is a manifestation of goodwill, politeness, a desire to show attention, help or communicate. Friendship is something more fundamental, characterized by the development of a strong and lasting attachment from one person to another. And finally, love. This is the highest degree of relationship. We should talk about it in a little more detail.
Attraction in close relationships
Why does this happen: a guy met several hundred girls, but they all rejected him, but in his sixties he met one who showed an incredible desire for close relationships with him and, by a lucky chance, fit his parameters? Because he meets her standards. And she is his. These are the kind of people she likes. This means that all previous girls had different tastes. And completely different ideas about interpersonal relationships. This is where the attraction comes in. This is just one case out of millions.
If we talk about close relationships, it is worth noting that everything plays a role here. Appearance, character, interests, outlook on life, goals. Interpersonal attraction is not just a social attitude, formed on the basis of an analysis of the person with whom communication is taking place, and everything connected with it. Even if some people claim that only appearance or character is important to them, it only seems so at first. You need to remember such a concept as balance. It directly relates to the term "attraction". What is this? A harmonious combination of all personal and external tastes. Everyone has their own taste, but all people want to have a close relationship with someone who will look good, have similar interests and views, and have a pleasant character. Everyone has their own ideal. And each such image is perfection for the person who dreams about it in the subconscious. And sometimes in reality. Only often such people remain lonely, since they rarely manage to find the ideal that they managed to draw in their imagination. Others, having long ago realized that it is unlikely that they will be able to meet perfection, have already forgotten about these images and live happily with that person who, perhaps, is not ideal in everything, but it was with him that everything worked out, and well.
The issue of attraction actively addresses the question of how people like each other. A person lives in a society where he has loved ones, friends, idols and role models. A person also wants to be interesting to someone and an example to copy. The article will examine in more detail the formation and factors of interpersonal attraction.
Speaking about people's liking for each other, few of them focus on the fact that not a single person can please absolutely everyone. Every individual has admirers who admire his beauty and intelligence, as well as haters who see nothing remarkable in him. You can't talk about what kind of person you like without noting who exactly likes him. An individual is not good in general, but only at the moment and for specific people.
This understanding allows any person to feel calm, because if someone doesn’t like him, it means that a specific individual doesn’t like him, and not in general. One person doesn't like it, but another will like it. This does not mean that he is good or bad at all.
A person is liked by those who say good things about him. But this does not mean that the partner who listens to the admiring words of his interlocutor will treat the person in question in exactly the same way. Don't just be swayed by one person's subjective assessment of the goodness of an individual. You are free to decide who you like and who you don't like. And also remember that anyone can like someone and not like someone.
What is an attraction?
Attraction refers to the attraction of people to each other. What it is? This is based on the ability to arouse interest in others, as well as on the ability of others to be interesting to a person. This evokes various emotions and feelings in people: affection, interest, love, commitment, friendship, etc. Based on attraction, people engage in joint activities and try for the benefit of each other.
In psychology, attraction is the friendliness and sympathy of people towards each other. Other sources say that attraction is the emergence of an individual’s attractiveness in the process of being perceived by a partner. It is formed on the basis of value judgments that occur in a person’s head, causing specific emotional experiences: hatred, sympathy, love, etc.
The main factors in the formation of attraction are:
- Closeness of partners during communication.
- Distance between interlocutors.
- The influence of the circumstances of the situation.
- Frequency of meetings, etc.
Attraction means to win over oneself, to evoke a positive attitude.
Are you trying to please someone? It may turn out that while you are trying to attract the attention of one, a completely different person will pay attention to you, who corresponds to the same social, material, behavioral, psycho-emotional level as the one you like. Realize this idea so that you don’t get upset in those moments when you are trying to attract someone to you, but they are not attracted.
There are a large number of people around you all the time. But since you are interested in a specific person, you may not notice how some strangers pay attention, are interested, and stare at you. It's quite normal to not notice anyone around you when you're already interested in someone. But the most interesting thing is this: while you are trying to change yourself in order to attract the one you are interested in, you begin to be interested in other men/women that you do not pay attention to. Moreover, these people are often at the same level as the partner of interest. By preparing yourself for a rich man, you may end up attracting another rich man. By trying to be romantic for one woman, you attract the attention of another who also wants romance.
While you are trying to please some people, other people are paying attention to you. You have nothing to lose by trying to please someone. You deliberately raise yourself, improve, do better in order to attract someone who is interesting to you.
Don't be upset that sometimes those you like don't pay attention to you, because at that time others notice you. By trying to be liked, you make yourself better and more interesting, especially to the category of people that includes the one you like. This means that from the same category of people there may be those who will like you. Not just one, but the other partner will turn his attention to you. Moreover, the second partner will be at the same level of life as the person you are interested in.
Interpersonal attraction
Attraction (its other name is interpersonal attraction) is a positive attitude of people towards each other, where they develop certain feelings. This unites them, forcing them to form a certain type of relationship. In them, people perform two functions: they communicate and give each other what they want. Positive attitudes are usually caused by people working hard for each other. This creates a strong and stable interpersonal attraction.
Any person who wants to achieve success in work, business, love, friendship needs to ask a simple question: how is he useful to other people? When you come into contact with other people, they in one way or another evaluate your capabilities and the benefits that they can receive from you. No matter what people say, men and women evaluate each other in terms of benefits: what will they get for themselves if they agree to build relationships together? . Remember the saying of many people that “a friend is someone who is always ready to help.”
In any relationship between two or more people, each participant agrees to cooperate only when he sees a benefit for himself. He will be able to get something valuable and useful if he meets specific people and begins to build relationships with them. If there is no benefit from the relationship, then people don’t get along. No one will just be friends, love or communicate like that. You shouldn’t be offended by this, since everyone acts from a position of benefit, which can happen unconsciously.
Every person should ask himself: what benefit can he give to other people? If you are dating a man (woman), what useful things can you give him (her)? If you want to be friends with someone, what benefit will your friendship bring to the other person? People become business partners when they can use each other's resources or benefit from the profits of another company. You must be useful to others, then they will want to have one relationship or another with you.
This creates the attractiveness that is discussed in the attraction. An interesting person is someone who is beneficial, even if the person does not realize it.
If we transfer this strategy to the state level, we can understand why this or that country is poor or rich. Those countries that become poor are those that do not provide any value to other countries. Those states become rich whose resources and products are used by others. How is your country useful to other states? What can you personally do for your country to make it useful and beneficial for other countries? This is what patriotism is - when you make your country interesting to others. And patriotism in the form of boycotts and Protestantism only destroys the attractiveness of the country.
Formation of attraction
How attractive a person is can be determined on a scale, which can be represented as a line on which the following values are located in descending order: “love”, “like very much”, “like”, “neutral”, “dislike”, “dislike very much” ", "I hate":
- “I love” - when a partner is of great importance to a person, and he wants to be with him all the time.
- “I like it very much” is a friendly attitude towards a partner with whom it is interesting to be together and make joint plans.
- “Like” - the partner is attracted by the fact that it is good to communicate with him.
- “Neutral” - the partner does not evoke absolutely any emotions, while the person does not avoid him or seek meetings with him.
- “Don’t like” - when a partner causes negative emotions, and a person does not want to communicate with him.
- “I don’t like it very much” - when there is hostility towards your partner and there is a desire to avoid him.
- “I hate” - a partner unbalances a person and provokes a desire to cause harm.
Attraction levels:
- Sympathy is attraction, interest, approval, disposition towards a certain person or group of people, which encourages them to help, communicate, admire, be friendly and welcoming.
- Friendship is the selectivity of partners with whom mutual relationships are established, where everyone wants to be in each other’s company.
- Love is the selection of an individual from the general background of people and his translation to life priorities and needs.
To be an interesting person, you need to be interested in people yourself. This is a simple formula that works flawlessly. Every person wants to be interested in them. But if he positions himself in such a way that only he is interested, and he, on his part, does not show interest, then the relationship will sooner or later end. It is impossible to play with only one goal. If they are interested in you, but you do not show interest, then the person will soon also lose interest in you.
Interest is mutual exchange. It is impossible to be an interesting person if you demand attention to yourself, but you yourself cannot show it to other people. Everyone wants to be interesting and respected. All people want to be questioned and interested in their affairs. But if you are not interested, demanding interest in yourself, then soon all the fans will lose interest in you. It is impossible to be interested in a person if he is not interested in you in return.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt to be a sociable, open, friendly, cheerful person. Attracts the lightness and calmness of the interlocutor. If these qualities can be seen and noticed, then interest is an internal attitude towards people. There are people you are interested in and those you are not. This is your personal attitude, and not something coming from the outside. Attraction is an attitude, a set of positive qualities towards another person. That's why everyone wants to be interested in them. Interest is an indicator that they have positive feelings towards you, and its absence indicates the opposite emotions of the person towards you.
Attraction factors
Attraction factors are those aspects that evoke positive emotions in others. They are:
- Infantile appearance. An adult with childish facial features does not cause fear or anxiety. Such individuals seem weak, honest, trusting, defenseless, and kind. An a priori friendly attitude is shown towards them. Connected to all this is the desire of every person to dominate and assert themselves. This becomes possible only next to weak people who do not fight back and are pliable. However, a decisive and strong character may be hidden under an infantile appearance.
- Similarity of partners in communication.
- Physical attractiveness.
- Communication style.
- Availability of support.
Sometimes it happens that a person is physically attractive, but when communicating with him, discomfort arises. He admires himself, interrupts, shows aggression, and allows others to be humiliated. Attractiveness quickly disappears if you don’t feel comfortable when communicating with a person.
On the contrary, a situation arises when, at first glance, a person is not attracted to you outwardly, but after communicating with him you are left with good impressions. A charming smile, friendly actions, cultural manners and gestures, and intelligence make you want to get to know your interlocutor better.
The psychological help website notes that external attractiveness is of great importance only in the first stages of dating. Subsequently, it fades into the background, giving way to what a person is like in communication, in terms of character traits, manners, lifestyle, etc.
Bottom line
A person lives in a society where he is constantly in contact with other people. There are a lot of them, each has their own views, unique character traits, complexes and established patterns of behavior with others. Establishing relationships with absolutely everyone will require great skill. All that is required of an ordinary person is to pay attention to those who he really needs for a full and normal life. The result of such an attraction is the presence of a strong family, friends and a certain circle of useful people.
You don't have to please absolutely everyone. There are only three people who should like you (of course, this also depends on your desire):
- This is you.
- This is your favorite person
- This is your boss.
You yourself, your loved one and your boss are the people on whom your well-being and happiness depend. You should like yourself because you always live with yourself. People around you may change, but the only person who always stays with you is you. All efforts should be aimed at liking yourself.
Second in ranking is your loved one. He must like you in order to receive love, care, support, etc. from him. You build a relationship with this person, create a family, realize everything that concerns your desires regarding love. You need to like the person you love in order to stay close to you.
If your partner loves you and likes you, then no matter what other people say about you, he will never leave you. What matters to an adult is what he thinks. And if he is still focused on the opinions of others, then either he has not matured yet, or he personally does not like you.
The third rated one is your boss. Why do you need to please your boss (we are talking more about professional skills than personal ones)? Because your boss gives you a job, pays you for your work, promotes you, etc. The boss is the boss in the area of work. You need money, so it's better to please the person who gives it.
Your life does not depend on how other people treat you. Only those who are directly involved in the realization of your desires and needs are important. This category includes you, your loved one, and your boss. The people around you can be either satisfied or dissatisfied with you. Moreover, what is important is no longer what people around you say about you, but how you, your loved one or your boss treat you. The main thing is that the people who are valuable and important to you are interested in you and are happy. And no matter what other people tell them, all their words will be empty ringing if they personally have a positive attitude towards you. Try to please only those you need to feel loved, happy and successful.