There are two chairs is a prison mystery that has become a meme about difficult choices in which neither of the two options is ideal.
Origin
The complete task sounds like this: There are two chairs, on one the peaks are sharpened, on the other the dicks are jerked off, which one will you sit on, which one will you sit your mother on?
Answer: I’ll take the sharpened peaks, chop off the jerked dicks, sit down myself and imprison the mother.
Answer No. 2: I’ll sit on the peaks myself, I’ll put my mother on my knees.
The riddle belongs to prison folklore and is integral part a spontaneously formed initiation rite, simply “registration”. The new prisoner had to pass a test and not get into trouble in order to earn the right to be among other prisoners.
In 2010, this and other elements prison slang penetrated the Nulchan imageboard, giving rise to a phenomenon that was later called “Vorovac”. The threads of those times were full of criminal jargon, prison concepts, gop culture and other criminal topics. In memory of that period, one of the most striking memes about two chairs has been preserved in RuNet.
Meaning
The phrase “There are two chairs” (exactly like that, without continuation) can often be heard in situations when a person stands in front of Difficult choice and neither of the two options suits him. At the same time, many do not even know where the phraseological unit came from, but simply use it as the beginning of a monologue.
This meme can also often be heard or seen as a reaction to someone's questionable activities. The person to whom the phrase is addressed usually either rushes between two opposing camps (opinions), or secretly advocates for two opposing sides.
There are two chairs, on one the peaks are sharp, on the other they are f*cked, which one will you sit on, which one will you sit your mother on?
Answer: I’ll take the sharpened peaks, cut down the d*cks, sit down myself and imprison my mother.
Answer No. 2: I’ll sit on the peaks myself, I’ll put my mother on my knees.
PARACHUTE:
You are flying on a parachute, on the right is a forest of shit, on the left is a sea of shit. Where will you sit?
Answer: In every forest there is a clearing, and in every sea there is an island.
PIT:
You fell into a hole. There's a pie and a dick in the pit. What will you eat, what will you put in your mouth?
Answer: I’ll take the pie and crawl out of the hole.
*OPA OR MOTHER?
Will you give it to F*ck or sell your mother?
Answer: Ass is not given, mother is not for sale.
FORK:
Direct question: With a fork in the eye or in the ass?
Answer: There are no forks in the zone.
Answer No. 2: I don’t see any one-eyed people here.
SOAP OR BREAD?
What will you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?
Answer: A table is not a soap dish, a bucket is not a bread bin.
ABOUT SUGAR:
You and Kent are walking through the Sahara Desert. There is no housing or settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes at the kent and bites him on the dick. What are you going to do?
Answer: If a kent has a butt above his knee, then the snake will not reach him. If it’s lower, he’ll suck it himself.
Answer No. 2: Today it’s a kent, and tomorrow it’s a cop.
ABOUT THE TRAIN:
You are riding on a train, chained to levers that can be turned either left or right. There is a fork ahead - on the right the mother is tied to a post, on the left there are kents, about ten people. Where will you turn, who will you run over?
Answer: Today they are kents, tomorrow they are cops.
The answer to all the riddles above: I will wake up.
ABOUT THE BONES:
The prisoner sits on the shkonar, they open the feeding trough and give gruel and dry bread. In the morning they open the feeder again and see bones. Question: where do the bones come from if the prisoner is alive?
Answer: Dice.
ABOUT ROOSERS:
There lived two roosters, one was eaten before lunch, and the other after lunch, who was worse?
Answer: Those who already have it worse.
FOOTBALL:
They draw a football goal on the wall and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do?
Answer: Ask for a pass.
BROOM:
They give you a broom and say: “Play something on the guitar.” What will you do?
Answer: Give me the broom with the words “And you set the mood first”
SEW THE BOTTLE:
They break the bottle and say: “Sew it up.” What will you do?
Answer: Ask to turn it inside out.
ACCORDION:
They ask you to play the battery, like a button accordion. What will you do?
Answer: Ask to blow the bellows.
And if you are interested in what life is like in prison, we can offer some rather unusual and interesting stories about life in prison.
A collection of prison riddles and answers.
A MAN SENT TO PRISON FOR 9 YEARS:
The man was sent to prison for a strict 9 years. One day his godfather (prison warden) tells him, if you solve the riddle within 9 years, I’ll let you go, well, the man agreed and the warden said:
A 9 letter word, found in every home, ending in “zor”, but not TV. The man thought and thought for 9 long years and still couldn’t guess. After serving his 9 years, he comes home, enters the house and sees this object and dies of a heart attack.
Answer: TV. The question is not about what the jailer wished for, but about the object, about the cat. The man first heard from the jailer (TV), and then saw it at home. And if you read the conditions, you can understand this.
ZEK ESCAPEED FROM PRISON ON THE ISLAND:
An island in the ocean. There is a prison on the island, there is water all around. A convict escaped from prison, climbed over the wall, jumped into a motor boat and rowed with all his might. The guards jumped into a faster motorboat and chased after him. They caught up with me, twisted me, grabbed me by the hair, slammed my head against the side, and took me back to prison. There are 3 inconsistencies in this story.
Answer:
1. A wall is not needed in the open ocean.
2. Why row oars in motor boat if there is a motor
3. The prisoners are still bald
This article was automatically added from the community
Prominent thinkers of the past spoke on this issue at one time:
There are two chairs. On one the peaks are chiseled, on the other the dicks are jerked off. Which one will you sit on, which one will you put your mother on?
Plato: The two chairs can be seen as a reflection of the dualism of soul and body. If a chair with dicks symbolizes base bodily thoughts, then a chair with spikes reflects militant aspirations eternal soul. I choose spades.
Aristotle: Knowledge of everyone separate property must be gained from experience, and so I will try both chairs. However, I like x* better.
Lao Tzu: I think I'll stand.
Thomas Aquinas: Only God is true being; and therefore we should endure all bodily torments with steadfastness, denying lust and the dirty aspirations of the body. So I'll sit on the peaks.
Michel Montaigne: A person cannot know absolute truth, and therefore it makes no difference which chair to sit on.
Schopenhauer: By human activity only anger, selfishness and compassion lead. So sit down on your own fucking chairs, asshole, and I’ll sympathize with you a little.
Voltaire: But where are these chairs? In one place or everywhere without taking up space? I don't know anything about this. Are they made of a single substance? I don't know anything about this. Are the peaks chiseled or the dicks wanked? I don't know anything about this.
Rene Descartes: I am sitting on a chair, which means I exist.
Kant: The question of two chairs lies in the area of antinomies pure reason. If a chair with dicks can be called a thesis, then a chair with spades is its antithesis. Considering that the solution to antinomies can never be found in experience, I will simply sit in front of these chairs and think for a long time, but in the end I will not choose anything.
Hegel: The answer to the questions that philosophy leaves unanswered is that they must be posed differently. What is missing here is a third chair, on which there would be huge dicks studded with sharp spikes. Oops, did I say that out loud?
Marx: Let's just put the capitalists on the chair with dicks and the imperialists on the chair with spades.
Freud: In my opinion, the answer is obvious.
Nietzsche: I'll stand with my feet on both chairs and dance because I'm crazy! Hurray for me!
Berdyaev: I’ll take the sharpened peaks, cut down the dicks and jerk them off, every child here knows this.
Camus: In unspeakable despair, I will lie down on the floor near the chairs and look at the ceiling. And then I will die, like the rest of us.
Heidegger: From which chair should the meaning of being be read, which chair should be the starting point for the discovery of being? The question of two chairs is an existential question, cognizable through experience. But given that experience always already takes place in the world and being, I will not sit on one. Look how many philosophers have already sat on them before me!
Derrida: A chair? What is a "chair"? What is "f*ck"? What are "peaks"? These are just words. We are locked within the boundaries of our language and understand the world only with its help. Therefore your question doesn't make sense.
Prominent thinkers of the past spoke on this issue at one time:
There are two chairs. On one the peaks are chiseled, on the other the dicks are jerked off. Which one will you sit on, which one will you put your mother on?
Plato: The two chairs can be seen as a reflection of the dualism of soul and body. If a chair with dicks symbolizes base bodily thoughts, then a chair with spikes reflects the warlike aspirations of the eternal soul. I choose spades.
Aristotle: Knowledge of each separate property must be acquired from experience, and therefore I will try both chairs. However, I like x* better.
Lao Tzu: I think I'll stand.
Thomas Aquinas: Only God is true being; and therefore we should endure all bodily torments with steadfastness, denying lust and the dirty aspirations of the body. So I'll sit on the peaks.
Michel Montaigne: A person cannot know absolute truth, and therefore it makes no difference which chair to sit on.
Schopenhauer: Human activity is guided only by anger, selfishness and compassion. So sit down on your own fucking chairs, asshole, and I’ll sympathize with you a little.
Voltaire: But where are these chairs? In one place or everywhere without taking up space? I don't know anything about this. Are they made of a single substance? I don't know anything about this. Are the peaks chiseled or the dicks wanked? I don't know anything about this.
Rene Descartes: I am sitting on a chair, which means I exist.
Kant: The question of the two chairs lies in the area of the antinomies of pure reason. If a chair with dicks can be called a thesis, then a chair with spades is its antithesis. Considering that the solution to antinomies can never be found in experience, I will simply sit in front of these chairs and think for a long time, but in the end I will not choose anything.
Hegel: The answer to the questions that philosophy leaves unanswered is that they must be posed differently. What is missing here is a third chair, on which there would be huge dicks studded with sharp spikes. Oops, did I say that out loud?
Marx: Let's just put the capitalists on the chair with dicks and the imperialists on the chair with spades.
Freud: In my opinion, the answer is obvious.
Nietzsche: I'll stand with my feet on both chairs and dance because I'm crazy! Hurray for me!
Berdyaev: I’ll take the sharpened peaks, cut down the dicks and jerk them off, every child here knows this.
Camus: In unspeakable despair, I will lie down on the floor near the chairs and look at the ceiling. And then I will die, like the rest of us.
Heidegger: From which chair should the meaning of being be read, which chair should be the starting point for the discovery of being? The question of two chairs is an existential question, cognizable through experience. But given that experience always already takes place in the world and being, I will not sit on one. Look how many philosophers have already sat on them before me!
Derrida: A chair? What is a "chair"? What is "f*ck"? What are "peaks"? These are just words. We are locked within the boundaries of our language and understand the world only with its help. Therefore your question doesn't make sense.
We now live in a time when you can end up behind bars overnight, for example, for reposting a picture on Vkontakte.
And when you get into the camera, there is quite Great chance the fact that the “first mover” will undergo various tests in order to subject it to lice. One of these tests is riddles, which you must be able to answer correctly.
So, let's remember!
Two chairs (classic):
There are two chairs, on one the peaks are sharpened, on the other the dicks are jerked off, which one will you sit on, which one will you sit your mother on?
Answer: I’ll take the sharpened peaks, chop off the jerked dicks, sit down myself and imprison the mother.
Answer No. 2: I’ll sit on the peaks myself, I’ll put my mother on my knees.
Parachute:
You are flying on a parachute, on the right is a forest of dicks, on the left is a sea of shit. Where will you sit?
Answer: In every forest there is a clearing, and in every sea there is an island.
Pit:
You fell into a hole. There's a pie and a dick in the pit. What will you eat, what will you shove up your ass?
Answer: I’ll take the pie and crawl out of the hole.
Ass or mother?
Will you fuck me or sell your mother?
Answer: Ass is not given, mother is not for sale.
Fork:
Direct question: A fork in the eye or in the ass?
Answer: There are no forks in the zone.
Answer No. 2: I don’t see any one-eyed people here.
Soap or bread?
What will you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?
Answer: A table is not a soap dish, a bucket is not a bread bin.
About the Sahara:
You and Kent are walking through the Sahara Desert. At a distance of a hundred kilometers there is no housing, no settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes at the Kent and bites him on the dick. What are you going to do?
Answer: If a kent has a butt above his knee, then the snake will not reach him. If it’s lower, he’ll suck it himself.
Answer No. 2: Today it’s a kent, and tomorrow it’s a cop.
About the train:
You are riding on a train, chained to levers that can be turned either left or right. There is a fork ahead - on the right the mother is tied to a post, on the left there are kents, about ten people. Where will you turn, who will you run over?
Answer: Today they are kents, tomorrow they are cops.
The answer to all the riddles above: I will wake up.
About the bones:
The prisoner sits on the shkonar, they open the feeding trough and give gruel and dry bread. In the morning they open the feeder again and see bones. Question: where do the bones come from if the prisoner is alive?
Answer: Dice.
About roosters:
There were two roosters, one was fucked before lunch, and the other after lunch, who was worse?
Answer: Whoever has a point is worse off.
Football:
They draw a football goal on the wall and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do?
Answer: Ask for a pass.
Broom:
They give you a broom and say: “Play something on the guitar.” What will you do?
Answer: Give me the broom with the words “And you set the mood first”
Sew up the bottle:
They break the bottle and say: “Sew it up.” What will you do?
Answer: Ask to turn it inside out.
Accordion:
They ask you to play the battery, like a button accordion. What will you do?
Answer: Ask to blow the bellows.
P.S. “Today they are kents, tomorrow they are cops,” means that today they are friends, and tomorrow they will betray.