There is no more strength, my son is not looking for a job. Chat with friends

An adult son does not want to work - what to do? If your son doesn’t want to work, what to do, advice from a psychologist

Parents often suffer because they cannot force their son to work. Instead of providing for himself, he prefers to live at the expense of mom and dad. If you have a home and delicious food, then what's the point of going to work? It all starts with this motive.

The task of parents is to understand the reasons for this behavior. Next, you should use all possible methods to cope with the problem of an adult child’s reluctance to work. If the situation is critical, extreme measures will help. If you wish, you can go to a psychologist.

Causes

Often the son does not want to work due to social or emotional immaturity. It seems to him that he is still just a child, and not a grown man. He believes that his mother will always take care of him. When the boy grows up, she will be replaced by a wife who will also feed deliciously, clean and raise the children.

This often happens in 20-year-old guys. Their infantilism is explained by their inability to take responsibility for their actions. They usually live with their parents, not wanting to move to a separate home. They do not invest money in the family budget, but only empty it.

Overprotection

Parents are overprotective of their son from early childhood. They don’t give him an extra step, no room for error. In adolescence, he is unable to make decisions on his own.

And when peers are already beginning to be interested in their future and look for part-time work, the child believes that such events do not concern him. He lives by the rule - until the age of 23, my parents are obliged to provide for me. He believes that everyone around him owes him something.

Forcing a child to work in this case is useless. If he himself does not want it, then it will be difficult to influence his decision.

Low requests

Not all men are born ambitious. Only some manage to acquire this quality as they grow older. But adult sons who do not want to work have low demands. It shows up like this:

the minimum is enough in everything;
there is no need to buy expensive clothes and other things;
purchasing a car and an apartment (house) are an unattainable dream, etc.

Such a guy is unlikely to open his own business. He will have an ordinary job with low wages and poor conditions. A 20-year-old guy will not have a desire for anything more, because his basic needs are satisfied.

If parents provide for it and give everything they need, then there will be no need to look for work at all.

The desire for independence will begin only when he feels dissatisfaction.

Initially, he will try to demand something from his parents. If rejected, he will seriously think about the future and try to find a job.

Diffidence

Develops if the child does not mature in time. Manifests itself as a feeling of helplessness. As a result, the guy will be unable to decide on any global changes and decisive steps.

Leaving everything as is is a bad decision. There is an urgent need to act. Due to insecurity, a man not only cannot find a job, he will not be ready to get married.

Any self-respecting girl would want a confident, promising husband, and not one who lies on the couch all day and suffers from idleness.

Failure to plan

There are mothers who, from childhood to adulthood, plan everything for their child, not allowing him to organize his time independently. As a result, he does not possess basic self-organization skills.

Lack of time planning habits turns a young man into a helpless, socially inadapted creature. Having too much free time increases the risk that a guy will become addicted to alcohol, drugs, smoking and a wild lifestyle. But the worst thing is that he will blame his parents for everything, not himself.

It’s normal if the search for yourself is over by the age of 22. At this age, a guy or girl thinks about what will happen next and how to provide themselves with a decent life.

They can get a job for a year and then go back to being idle. Reasons for this behavior:

reality does not meet expectations;
the work was not enjoyable;
lack of vision of prospects;
desire to try yourself in another field, etc.

Often such young people feel the need to test their own strengths and skills in the creative field. They try to make a living by singing, drawing, writing books, and performing comics. But not everyone succeeds and such an attempt becomes unsuccessful.

The young man begins to look for an excuse. He convinces his parents that he was just unlucky this time, but that everything will work out in the future. If the search for yourself does not stop by the age of 25, you need to have a serious conversation with an adult child and take extreme measures.

Shyness and complexness

An adult is afraid of losing his sense of comfort. He begins to suffer because he fails to achieve goals or lacks the ability to organize his life. Then it is necessary to explain that you need to have patience and work carefully so that all your dreams come true.

It is important that parents help in overcoming shyness. You can sign up your son or daughter for an appointment with a psychologist or special courses. The sooner you do this, the better.

Help

All the psychologist’s advice boils down to the fact that before forcing an adult son to work, it is necessary to have a conversation with him. Find out the reasons:

reluctance to get a job;
prolonged search for oneself;
lack of goals;
demanding behavior.

You need to ask what caused the fear of getting a job. Maybe the son has no work experience, lacks the appropriate education, and is not satisfied with the proposed salary level.

The worst thing is if the reason is ordinary laziness.

It is problematic, sometimes impossible, to force an already formed personality to change anything about itself. This will happen if he himself shows a desire to become better and engage in self-development.

Talk about the future

Give arguments for and against the options voiced. It is very important to help the child understand what he really wants and how this can be achieved.

It is necessary to explain that the son is already very old and the parents are not able to cover his expenses. For some adult sons, such a remark is enough. As a result, he can look for work in his profession or go to any other suitable position. But the main thing is that the parents influenced the child and he decided to do something useful.

If after the conversation the situation worsens and your son does not make contact, stop giving him money.

Let him independently look for funds to satisfy his needs. At first, the son will be offended, indignant and demand something. The main thing is for parents to overcome themselves and ignore this behavior of the child. The path to independence is never easy.

Few people are happy with the prospect of becoming homeless. As a result, the son will have to do something and get a job. What it will be (prestigious or not) depends only on him. When he realizes that being financially independent is very nice, he will thank his parents. Soon changes may also happen in your personal life.

Include in the common life of the family

Try to clearly delineate areas of responsibility - in what the son, as an adult, is responsible for himself, and in what the mother sees responsibility for his life. An excellent solution is to agree with your son that he will take on a certain part of the household chores. You definitely need to show your confidence in the successful performance of your duties.

This can be organized like this:

offer to choose the number of responsibilities yourself;
independently determine which areas of work will be under the control of the son, and simply present him with a fait accompli;
half of the responsibilities are chosen by the parent, half by the son.

Take a principled stand. If the son continues to live with his parents, let him follow the general rules. Only these rules must be clearly formulated.

Gradually, the son will learn to be responsible and will not want to live with his parents. He will see that he is ready for an independent life.

Engage motivation

Motivation is what makes a person move forward towards success. It often affects personality development and the speed of achieving goals. Usually, adult sons who do not work do not have it. Therefore, the task of parents is to help in acquiring it.

You can show your son an example of two people - a successful, rich person and an unhappy, poor one. Explain that the future directly depends on having a job and the desire to develop.

If possible, you can demonstrate by example that your goals and desires are achievable. But for this you need to work, and not sit back.

The next step is to teach you how to achieve your goals. To do this, show:

how to set realistic, achievable goals;
how to develop a plan;
how to determine how much time is needed to achieve a dream;
how to find funds for implementation;
what actions will help speed up the process.

After such a conversation, offer your son a simple task consisting of many processes. If successful, praise. You can arrange a holiday for the whole family. It is important that the praise be sincere.

This simple method will show an adult child that gradually any goal can be achieved. The main thing is to work hard.

Chat with friends

Having an adult and unemployed son is a disgrace and shame for every parent. If the situation is critical and no reproaches or requests have helped, you can turn to your son’s friends for help. Important note - they must have a job. It’s great if they develop themselves and have success in their personal lives.

This method works effectively. The son communicates with a peer, sees what he has achieved, and wants to try to become just as successful. This method is called negative motivation in psychology. If a guy has normal self-esteem and is not complex, then such a conversation can become a motivation to start working. Otherwise, it will aggravate the situation and become a reason for depression.

Treatment with a psychologist

If the parents themselves could not persuade their son to go to work, the help of a family psychologist is needed. The most effective technique is cognitive behavioral therapy. Its goal is to change the patient’s type of thinking and behavior pattern.

why any mention of work causes fear, horror and stress;
why I don't want to work;
what will happen if I get a job;
what will happen if my parents stop supporting me;
what are my goals;
what I expect to receive in the future, etc.

Often adult children who do not want to work do not think about it. They live for today. Therefore, such thoughts can cause an unexpected reaction - aggression, hysteria, manifestations of mental disorder. The psychologist’s task is to establish contact and get answers to your queries.

When contact with the patient is established and he is ready to work on himself, he is asked to keep a success diary.

You need to make notes in it every day. Their number is at least 5. It is worth recording your successes on the way to achieving your goal and thanking the people who made the day colorful and good. This will help you see that the guy is moving in the right direction and will teach you to appreciate the help of your parents.

The patient is encouraged to use affirmations. These are positive statements whose purpose is to motivate a person to succeed. They must be said during difficult periods in order to believe in yourself and your strength.

An important part of treatment is doing homework. They allow you to consolidate the material discussed in individual sessions.

Examples of homework:

watching inspiring films;
reading stories of successful people and companies;
attending events where the main speaker will be a famous person;
working with a recruiter to create a “selling” resume and successfully pass an interview for the desired vacancy;
taking self-development courses, etc.

As a result of successful completion of cognitive behavioral therapy, a young adult will find the strength to develop and get a job. Negative attitudes will be replaced by positive ones. Instead of a lazy and dependent son, there will be a confident, working young man.

Conclusion

There are adult sons who cannot be forced to work. They find many reasons for this - lack of good work, insufficient experience and knowledge, poor pay. But usually the main motive is laziness.

The first thing to do is to create an unfavorable living environment. Stop giving your adult child money and food. Make sure that his needs are not met with the help of his parents. You can take other advice from psychologists or make an appointment with a specialist.

psyhoday.ru

An adult son does not want to work - what to do?

Reader question: Hello, I have a problem with which I have already tried everything possible. All the advice from friends and so on, but nothing works. My son, he is 24, finished his studies two years ago. And since then he has never found a job. He has a serious specialty - he is a lawyer, deals with copyrights. But suddenly, towards the end of the institute (he was already working part-time), he said that he realized that this was not for him. And he will look for something else to do. But two years have already passed, and he is still “looking.” At the same time, he had very good offers for work in his specialty, and he prefers either to work as a bartender or to earn extra money as a musician (he plays the drums )...I'm worried that he will now completely miss his chance for a good life... What should I do? Elena, 55 years old

Psychologist's answer:

answers Christian psychologist - consultant Lazarev Maxim Anatolyevich

Hello, dear Elena! I can only imagine how hard it is for you now. The son whom you raised for almost a quarter of a century, raised, tried to give a good education, suddenly says that he does not want to do what he planned, despite the prestige of the profession. And he has every opportunity to become the good lawyer he trained to be. It feels like you're at a dead end - not a single piece of advice works, you've already tried everything you can.

Two years ago your son’s adult life began. But it is still in “test” mode - he has no family, no children, and he is responsible only for himself. He has the time and opportunity to try, test himself, and understand what his calling is. Your son graduated from college and decided to “either work as a bartender or earn extra money as a musician...” rather than work in the legal field. And he graduated from college, and didn’t drop out in his final year, as often happens. This is largely a compliment to you as a parent: your son not only completes what he starts, but is also capable of making responsible decisions.

Let me clarify: it’s not that your son “doesn’t want to work”, he doesn’t want to work as a lawyer - after all, he still works and earns money, and the work of a bartender is not easy! In addition, he plays music and manages to earn money from this too. I can assume that music is what he really loves and is trying to somehow realize himself in this area. If your son really didn’t want to work, the short answer could be this: stop supporting him, put a certain distance between each other, after all, he should be an independent young man. But your son works, although you do not like the field he has chosen, and is looking for something else. You have a fear that he will miss the last chance for a good life, but who is the good life for? What exactly do you want for your son - for him to earn decent money, have a prestigious profession, respect from those around him? Perhaps a good life for him means (not forgetting his daily bread) to look for his calling and realize himself in it.

If you really want to figure out what’s going on and why he didn’t want to work in his specialty, talk to him about it! Talk about your thoughts and experiences and try to hear his answer.

Ask your son about his current interests and professional aspirations and listen carefully. Just listen, silently, without talking about whether it is right or wrong. Ask clarifying questions: what is good in his activities, what is bad, what does he like most, what is missing, why does he think about it, what exactly is his interest, how keen is his interest? Such questions will help you understand him, and can put your son in an analytical mood - what if he really wants to return to legal activity. Despite the fact that children are our everything, our world, one of the main tasks of a parent is to make yesterday’s child capable of responsible choice by independent adults. And that’s it, then the life of this person begins. A life in which there are and will be mistakes, ups and downs. Of course, sometimes you want to lay down straw, and even cover the path with pink petals. But then this is no longer the life of your son, but the one that is imposed on him.

Issues of excessive attachment of parents to children or children to parents are the direct competence and daily work of a psychologist. If you are concerned about this problem and feel that you are not always able to resolve it completely, then the best option is to seek help from a professional.

An archive of all questions can be found here. If you do not find the question you are interested in, you can always ask it on our website.

foma.ru

My son doesn't want to work. What to do?

Question to a psychologist

Asked by: Anna

It’s been 2 years since my son came home from the army. At first I wanted to get a job in the fire department, but that didn’t work out. Sent resumes to other companies. One was invited for an interview, but was not hired. Since then, my son sees no point in going for interviews, citing the fact that they won’t take him anyway. He doesn’t look for work on his own, like the vacancies I found, he refuses to go there. When asked when you will work, he answers: soon, someday, leave me alone, etc. The son is used to getting everything. I raised him alone. By nature he is very hot-tempered, even aggressive. Although this only manifests itself in relation to his mother, he is very complex with those around him, shy, afraid of everything new. Therefore, I cannot put him in any framework. Yes, and I'm afraid. We had situations when something didn’t suit him and he took his anger out on me, cursing me, insulting me. He believes that I am obliged to feed him, clothe him, and if there is not enough money, he says that I don’t know how to spend. The situation is terrible, I don't know what to do. I understand that it’s my own fault, but I don’t know what to do now, how to turn everything around.

Answers from psychologists

Anna, hello.

The situation is truly terrible and apparently it will no longer have to be solved, but broken, as you wrote.

If possible, go for a consultation on Skype, as you are most likely hampered by your deep inner beliefs and now many fears of changing something in your relationship. If the son himself does not want or cannot “separate” from you and leave the infantile state, then you yourself will have to initiate these changes.

I really sympathize with you and of course your son needs psychological help, but he must pay for it himself and want to change himself. Therefore, you just have to take care of yourself.

Biryukova Anastasia, your Gestalt psychologist in person in St. Petersburg and on Skype.

Anna, hello. Persuasion and persuasion will not help... It is difficult for you, as a mother, to accept this, but believe me that this is so... He is happy with everything, he will “suffer”, pretend that he is looking for a job, but... he will live the way he wants lives as long as you support him... Your son has “communism” and only if you stop supporting him, react adequately to his “nerves”, immediately write a statement to law enforcement agencies, then only then can your son change. You need to use the principle of TOUGH LOVE and this is truly the healthiest thing for your son. You can contain it for now, but what happens later? I hope you understood me correctly. We must respond adequately to any manipulations by our son and say NO. With all my heart, I wish you success and all the best!!!

Igor Letuchy - psychologist, master of psychology, online (Skype) consultant

Psychologist Irkutsk Last visit: 2 days ago

Replies on the site: 1347 Conducts trainings: 3 Publications: 18

Anna, good day! As my colleagues said above, the situation needs to be changed radically. Your son, otherwise, will continue to sit on your neck, because... it's comfortable for him. He is fed, dressed, and has a roof over his head. If he really wants to find a job and get a job, but interviews scare him, then I am ready to work with him to resolve this issue. However, you should also reconsider your relationship with your son. I will conduct consultations in Irkutsk on July 2 and 3 (Saturday and Sunday). You can call (preliminary consultation by phone is 10 minutes free). I will be glad to help you.

Glinyannikov Yuri Gennadievich, online consultant Irkutsk, Bratsk.

30.06.2016 | 1674

www.all-psy.com

Personal life

This is happiness... This is what all mothers think when they hold their baby for the first time. However, time passes, the periods of “tummies” and “tooth teeth” are replaced by bumps and bruises, followed by strikes regarding studies and the first romantic (and not so romantic) experiences.

And when it seems that the child has finally matured, many are in for an unpleasant surprise: it turns out that the folk wisdom “little children are little troubles” is completely true. Your adult son has begun to cause you much more trouble than he did as a child.

Rudeness and secrecy

More often, mothers complain about their sons’ rudeness and their secrecy. A young man or man categorically does not want to trust them with his experiences, but a mother’s heart is sensitive and senses all the changes in the life and behavior of her beloved child. Patience lasts for a couple of days, but then the mother begins, and sometimes does not stop, trying to talk heart to heart.

It seems that everything is fine, because the questions are quite innocent - “how are you” or “what happened”, and the time was chosen right, right after dinner... But for some reason the son at first remains silent, and a little later he begins to be insolent or openly rude, and only tears come His mother’s eyes stop him for a moment. What's wrong?

The solution to the problem of rudeness is simple: remember that you are a girl and he is a boy. The difference in age or social status means absolutely nothing; masculinity or femininity is nature itself. And she endowed her creations not only with a different set of chromosomes, but also with completely different hormonal levels.

Due to testosterone and adrenaline, men are more impatient, aggressive and unyielding. “Pour out your sorrows” is for young ladies, and not for the sons of Mars: they are generally sure that conversations about mental balance are complete nonsense, and they do not consider this a problem.

Now let’s practice: imagine that you are being pestered with the question “Why wash the dishes?” You hinted three times that the topic is not interesting to you, moreover, you are terribly tired of it. The question is repeated again, but with a different sauce: “Why wash the dishes?”, and so on ten more times.

How will your patience be tested? Either run away, or “explode” and send your opponent somewhere, but away from you. This is how an adult son feels after “how are you” and “what happened.”

What to do? Be patient and remember that your child is already an adult. He can solve his problems on his own, and heart-to-heart conversations are deeply alien to men. It is clear that such a simple action is difficult to perform, but a normal mother has a very trained nervous system.

You will have to again put yourself and your experiences first from the end, and make an obvious and very unpopular decision - not to interfere in a man’s personal life, even if he is your son.

Doesn't want to work, demands money

How do the classics say, “work makes horses die”? And you, mom, are still alive?.. Believe me, your parasite son knows very well that in any case he will receive food and shelter, even if he does nothing. After all, you love him so much that you forgive absolutely everything! Dear baby, he just hasn’t matured enough to understand that a man should provide for his family, he’s in such poor health...

And his nerves are very bad, he is always so worried about failures to find a job... The boss, a nasty guy, did not forgive him even the little things... Sound familiar? Apparently yes. Like? If “no,” we look for a way out; if “yes,” we continue to feed and love, hoping for the best.

What to do? First: first we finish lisp. The child is fully formed physically and mentally, ready for all situations, including supporting himself and helping you. This is important to understand. Second: we mercilessly break the comfort zone that envelops your son. To do this, we change our behavior, preferably radically - we stop indulging in whining and, at a minimum, cut down portions for lunch.

The most important thing: be sure and demonstratively reduce your work activity! Let him wash his own socks, wash the dishes and cook if your cooking no longer suits him. Otherwise, he will grow dirty and lose a little weight, and after listening to your complaints about the lack of time and money for the hundredth time, he will at least start running outside and breathing fresh air.

Jokes aside: a woman, even if she is a mother, is obliged to keep a man in good shape precisely due to her weakness, otherwise there may be nothing left of his credo. Would you say it's tough? But it works.

I started studying, but suddenly stopped going to classes

What is the reason? I liked it and didn’t like it... You won’t believe it, but that’s exactly how it is! Men always do only what they want, unlike women who do what they are obliged to do, literally in the “background”, without even noticing. Do you think a lot about the dishes when you wash them? You're probably humming songs or remembering things you haven't done yet.

And a man completely devotes himself to any activity, with all his soul and body. If he doesn’t like it, and the background mode, characteristic only of the female psyche, “does not turn on,” then the representative of the stronger sex begins to skimp like a first-grader and run away from the unpleasant task or sabotage its implementation.

What to do? Try to help your son find the attractive aspects of studying. Naturally, from his point of view, and not from yours. You know your child, you know his system of material and spiritual values. It sounds pompous, but in fact there is no better way to say it. For example, he loves sports cars. Strengthen your motivation, first give a model of the desired brand, let him admire it.

Wait a little, then drop a couple of phrases like: “You know, I saw Vitya’s mother today. He has already completed his studies and was hired, he earns decently. He’s going to buy a car... How quickly time has flown by!” Or something like that, but always with a slight sigh at the end and a phrase about time.

For what? Your son will think a little about the car, but Vitya and he actually studied in the same class, and your grades were better. And then there’s “time flew by quickly.” Conclusions: he is no worse, and even much better than Vitya (rivalry), he needs to study (otherwise he won’t see the desired car), and some discomfort with studying is worth it, especially since the time until the diploma will pass very quickly (the comfort zone has been restored). So the scheme is simple.

My son doesn't leave the computer, he plays constantly

Life in the virtual world attracts with limitless possibilities, and almost no effort is required, except maybe clicking a mouse... If “in real life” your adult son is dissatisfied with himself, does not receive or is unable to receive what he (in his opinion) deserves, then leaving in virtuality is natural.

Toys with gorgeous graphics, friends and clans, omnipotence. Even if they kill you, it doesn’t matter, there are lives left; the girl went to her rival - nothing, the lioness from the neighboring pride has been making eyes at her for a long time...

All problems in the painted world are solved simply, unlike in the real world, and nothing is scary. Moreover: even your name is made up, you can change it at any time, and no one will recognize you. Mistakes are forgiven, retribution is symbolic, and life is eternal. Who would refuse this? That is why adult sons choose the game in order to prolong the period of irresponsibility and impunity, as in early childhood. Why?

Because they are afraid of irrevocability, which is so characteristic of the real world. The dead friend cannot be returned, the girl has left for another and also cannot be returned, years pass and change the world, which will never be the same. It's scary, needless to say. But you won’t be able to play hide and seek with yourself forever; sooner or later you will have to emerge and look reality in the eye. Cowardice is the most terrible sin. This is what Yeshua said in Bulgakov, and life confirms this.

Of course, you shouldn’t talk so harshly to your son about his temporary weakness, but the truth is that your child is afraid to live. What to do? Remember the times when you punished him for mistakes or criticized his appearance, compared (not in his favor) with other boys. Perhaps you are an overly domineering mother who has repeatedly encroached on his independence and ended up with a computer zombie...

If it’s not too late, try to awaken a taste for life in your son. Remember what he really loves and values, and remind him of this without criticizing and joining him in his current world. To get started, just put aromatic tea and something tasty, definitely smelling nice, next to your computer, and leave silently.

You can feel the smell without looking at the bun, and take your mind off the game a little. Next time, stay and exchange a few phrases.

Everything resembles taming, small steps to restore trust. And if your son trusts you, he will go: first by the hand, like a little one, and then into life.

Then let him go on his own, and you will be happy for your adult son... Good luck to him and to you.

personallife.ru

Question to a psychologist

Asked by: Anna

*I have problems with my adult son - he doesn’t work, he doesn’t strive for anything, he’s 26. He sits on my neck at home, he’s not active. He drinks, watches porn often, plays it loud, I have to listen to everything. Not sociable, not contactable. He has an education, but he stays at home. I withdraw into myself, I feed him, I sing him, and he, the impudent fellow, still makes claims to me and scolds me. What should I do? How to help a child?

Answers from psychologists

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna

Psychologist Moscow

Hello Anna! let's look at what's going on:

Doesn’t work, doesn’t strive for anything, he’s 26. Sits on my neck, at home, inactive. He drinks, watches porn often, plays it loud, I have to listen to everything. Doesn’t listen to comments. He’ll buy some wine and beer, turn on porn and sit there while I listen. Uncommunicative, uncommunicative.

he has no motivation and will not appear as long as you see him as a child and support him, saving him from the consequences of his own choice - he does not work, does nothing and you support him - at whose expense does he buy alcohol? who pays for his internet? who puts up with all this? You!

HOW to help a child?

You can no longer help him - you should see him as an ADULT, and not a child who needs to explain something and try to help - with your help (by what you support), you essentially encourage his immaturity. There is only one way out - to separate him from yourself, leave and give him the opportunity to build his own life - let him face the consequences of his actions and inactions - that he needs to provide for himself and earn money himself, and his mother will no longer save him from his own life! Now he has to take responsibility for his life, and you have to give it to him!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

Yarovaya Larisa Anatolyevna

Psychologist Moscow

At this time, this psychologist does not answer questions from site visitors. You can ask questions to other psychologists

Anna, good afternoon.

You will help your son by stopping supporting him. Why should he work if his mother feeds and drinks him? By the fact that you provide for him, you yourself seem to support his inaction.

HOW to help a child?

As long as you consider him a child, he will behave like a little one. You're probably thinking, "Well, why don't I give my boy a piece of bread and butter? He's my son." But he is no longer a child, he is an adult, has an education and is quite capable of supporting himself. Give him responsibility for his life.

Yarovaya Larisa Anatolyevna, psychologist Moscow

Alyokhina Elena Vasilievna

Psychologist Moscow

At this time, this psychologist does not answer questions from site visitors. You can ask questions to other psychologists

Anna, hello.

To find one’s place in society and start earning money, a person needs to develop a whole range of psychological skills. Normally, this occurs in adolescence between the ages of 7 and 17. During this period, he masters in practice the concepts of rights and responsibilities. At the same time, during this same period, a person encounters manifestations of sexuality and learns to master it, to relate his desires to relationships with other people. During adolescence, a person also masters basic skills of self-organization and management of his actions. First of all, parents help a teenager master all these skills.

What is happening with your son shows, shows that his complex of skills necessary for social adaptation is either not sufficiently formed, or there are some significant deficiencies in it.

In order to move the situation in a favorable direction, you need to:

first, realize that there is no easy solution here and cannot be.

secondly, you yourself need to start working with a psychologist. Yes Yes. Exactly for you. Because, in order to really give your son responsibility for his own life, you will now have to change in your relationship with him those unfavorable forms of interaction that will close the path to a dependent existence for him. To do this you will have to work with yourself. You will have to learn, first of all, to love yourself and take care of yourself. You need to develop a healthy (!) egoism in yourself, without which the task of letting your son set sail on his own cannot be solved.

Professional help from a psychologist in this matter is, of course, very, very desirable. You can contact me.

All the best,

Sincerely,

Alyokhina Elena Vasilievna, consultations in Moscow and on Skype

Smirnova Alexandra Vladimirovna

Psychologist Moscow

At this time, this psychologist does not answer questions from site visitors. You can ask questions to other psychologists

Hello Anna.

HOW to help a child?

Keyword CHILD. When you stop treating him like a child, he will have to grow up. He is in a very advantageous position: warm, fed, watered, with the Internet, plus bonuses - beer, wine, cigarettes. Why work and develop?

Your son is not socially adaptive, because... I couldn’t separate myself from you in time. Why this happened and how to move to a more mature position, find answers to these questions by working with a psychologist.

Sincerely.

Lizyaev Pyotr Yurievich

Psychologist Moscow

At this time, this psychologist does not answer questions from site visitors. You can ask questions to other psychologists

To “help” such a “snickering dependent”, you just need to stop feeding the “chick”...

Pyotr Yurievich Lizyaev, psychologist-psychotherapist Face-to-face consultations/psychotherapy in Moscow - individually and in a group, as well as via Skype.

26.01.2018 | 666

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The adult son does not want to work. What to do?

Many parents face the problem of an adult son’s reluctance to work and provide for himself. The young man doesn’t want anything, is content with little, and categorically refuses to look for any useful activity. At best, he sits days and nights near the computer, at worst, he drinks and goes out with friends. What to do, how to make a guy come to his senses?

There are constant scandals and showdowns in the house. Parents are trying to remove an overgrown child from their allowance and evict them from shared housing. Such methods rarely lead to positive results. The reasons are the guy’s character, lack of motivation to achieve, poverty of interests. What to do?

Step 1: Establish communication and create a safe space

If a young person is mentally healthy, such behavior indicates huge personal problems. Something was missing in childhood or adolescence. Maybe the parents were busy with work, maybe sorting things out - it doesn’t matter anymore. There is no need to blame yourself. What happened has already passed. We need to try to improve our relationship with our child now.

Start building a relationship with him. Relationships are communication. Mutual support in everything. Mutual interest in each other's lives.

Explain to him that you are not able to cover all his needs, but you will make sure that he does not go hungry. Stick to this rule strictly. Food is free, everything else has to be earned. Try to agree on how to share household responsibilities. If he refuses, put it off until better times.

Step 2. Be interested in his hobbies

Be interested in what excites and interests him. It doesn’t matter that your son’s hobbies seem childish and empty to you. Ask, delve into, find out how his affairs are progressing. Celebrate success, even if it's moving to the next level of your game.

Create a habit of having dinners and lunches together. Talk yourself, talk about your life, ask his opinion. Encourage him to share. Take small steps and gradually. Your goal is friendly partnerships.

Step 3. Include in the common life of the family

Once you feel that your goal has been achieved, start moving forward. Any family is a system that has its own way of life and material support. For it to function, you need to do a lot of things.

Agree with your son that he will take on some of the responsibilities. Make it clear that you are confident he can handle it. Offer to choose an area of work that he wants to take control of: cleanliness in the house, cooking, pets, shopping, and so on.

You may have to start small. For example, if he wants some dish, offer to cook it together. Let him know that you appreciate his help. Make the cooking process fun and interesting. Make him feel like a winner. He must understand what he can do and feel pleasure from his achievements.

You will have to act gradually. Be patient if something doesn't work out. Look for something to praise for. It is important to show a strong emotional reaction to success or even the intention to help.

Organize common holidays. Give your son the opportunity to prove himself. Show him your pride in his success. This strategy is designed for young children, but if this was not done at one time, you need to work now.

Step 4. Develop interest in yourself and other people

Constantly ask your son questions about his preferences. What he likes, what he loves, what causes irritation. Carefully try to awaken interest in the life around you.

To do this, use the old proven method - gossip. Nothing interests people more than other people's troubles and mistakes. Tell stories about your life. Discuss mutual friends and colleagues. Don't neglect artists, stars, famous people. Gossip, gossip, gossip...

Talk not only about events and actions, but also about possible motives. Ask the question: “Why did he (she) do this?” and answer it yourself. By doing this you will expand his understanding of the environment and people.

“Play” psychological tests. Nowadays you can find many techniques on a variety of topics on the Internet. Start testing yourself and get your son hooked on this hobby. Switch from frivolous comic questionnaires to professional questionnaires. This will help dispel the fog of the inner world and better understand yourself. Don't forget to discuss the results together.

Step 5: Engage Motivation

Motivation is what keeps us moving. If there is action, then there is motivation. Motivation is dreams. Everyone has them. Big or small. Some people want a beautiful car, others need the best computer, and for others their dream is to travel.

Work on motivation is carried out in several stages:

1. Talk about it. Tell me what you want and ask your son.

2. Demonstrate through your own and other people’s examples that desires are achievable.

3. Teach you to achieve your desires. Show in simple things how a desire (dream) turns into a goal, how a plan is developed, means are sought, actions are taken and the result is obtained. Gradually involve your son.

4. The emotional reaction to achievements should be bright, the praise should be sincere.

Step 6. Look for a job together

By this stage, socialization within the family is completed and further advancement into society begins. With the advent of normal relationships with others and with oneself, conscious needs should also appear. It's time to look for a job.

Life experience and special resources will tell you how to do this. But the first service is not always successful. It is important to be there and support in everything. Be prepared for the fact that this is a long process. Thus, to solve the problem of an adult son’s reluctance to work, you will have to:

1. Go back a few years in your upbringing to fill in the gaps in socialization.

2. Improve relations with your son.

3. Lead him into the world of adult responsibility.

4. “Include” in the life of the family, and then the rest of society.

At all stages, you can and should use the help of a psychologist. Start with personal counseling. Understand a little about your communication problems and build interaction with your child.

megiz.ru

Problems with an adult son - what to do?: ru_psiholog

ihopesomuch (ihopesomuch) wrote in ru_psiholog, 2015-10-03 23:46:00 I kindly ask you to help me make a decision in a difficult situation that has been going on for more than five years. I am stating it very briefly, like many - from an empty account... I have an adult son, he is 25. A young man is playing (world of war craft). Doesn't work, doesn't study. At different times, he received all kinds of support from his relatives so that the young man could get an education and a profession. But the institute was abandoned twice (the budget and the restoration paid for by me to a paid department), plus a couple of years ago, shortly before graduation, the commercial university he had chosen, where he could quickly master the profession he had also chosen, was also abandoned (he was disappointed, did not like the teachers, etc.). P.). UPD: it all started in the first year of the institute. I passed the first session the second time with excellent marks, the second - already with difficulty and retakes in the fall. I stopped studying in my second year - virtual life replaced the real one. The character and attitude towards loved ones has changed. As a child, he was a very good guy - interesting, inquisitive, empathetic, attached to his loved ones. I was involved in swimming, sambo, snowboarding, roller skating for a long time, loved a dog, had good friends. went with me to volunteer in orphanages. I read a lot. Now he is a person with a completely different character. it’s very difficult to talk - you have to wade through the meaning of each phrase, in which there are clouds of vague hints that he understands what’s what - in such a global sense. he has a very good tongue, but after five minutes of conversation his brain explodes in attempts to get to the meaning of what was said, to return to the mainstream of the conversation. At first he gives the impression of being smart and well-read - then you quickly realize that this is all multi-layered demagoguery about nothing. sports, friends - no. Interests: chess, philosophy. if he doesn’t play, he can watch movies for hours, analyze chess games, listen to some philosophical lectures. As far as I manage to see this in rare short visits. We do not live under the same roof, because... From a certain point, living together turned out to be completely unbearable. Conversations were held, conditions were written down, etc., but the young man crap around himself in layers and did not clean up, did nothing (he skipped college - went to play with a friend at that time), did not work and constantly lied enchantingly. At some point, the resource ran out, and the young man went to live with his dad. Then to grandma. Then he returned home, but all hell broke loose again. In short, as soon as the opportunity arose, he was given a separate one-room apartment in a very good area of Moscow. Now she is a terrible, creepy sight. Broken furniture that should be thrown in the trash, but this is not done. Mountains of garbage, dirt, etc. The refrigerator does not work, the hot water does not flow. From time to time, the boy found a job or a part-time job, but he either did not stay in one place for more than a month and a half, or was unable to go to work at the appointed time (played at night and slept in the morning). He didn’t like the job of a waiter, which I got him for through a restaurant director I knew – it was hard and the pay was low. Summons from the military registration and enlistment office regularly arrive, but the young man does not want to serve. And if he doesn’t want to, then he shouldn’t, in his opinion. It is extremely difficult to talk to him. The person has an extremely high opinion of himself, and if you try to convey to him your vision of the situation, he behaves extremely arrogantly and boorishly. I tell him that I am ready to help in every possible way and do anything for him - provided that he admits that there is something wrong with him and he needs help. Just as always, she said that she was ready to help in every possible way - but only if he tried to do something himself. Actually, having gone a certain way in realizing and accepting this situation, I understand perfectly well that my son has serious problems, most likely this is a certain degree of mental disorder, but everything is fixable and solvable - if only his personal will and desire are there. No specialist can help “from photographs”. And if a person wants to live like this (from hand to mouth, in a pigsty, idle and alone) - this is his conscious adult choice. And for a long time, in general, I tried my best to leave him alone, giving him the opportunity to learn to live an independent adult life, solve his own everyday and social problems and take responsibility for himself. Supporting only minimally, so that the person understands that there is no freebie, and I am not a sponsor. However, today I grabbed a certain “last straw”. I found him a part-time job as a courier, quite stable. She promised to buy a travel pass as help, and also bring some things. Arriving at the apartment, I ran into a neighbor who told me that my son several times left notes for neighbors like: “Help. I am hungry". Moreover, this same neighbor’s situation is not the best - exactly the same adult boy, only he’s also a drug addict, sits on her neck. Therefore, a note was left to the third neighbors - from behind whose doors I heard the voices of small children. It was a shock for me. There were situations when my son called that he had nothing to eat. I bought the simplest products for two weeks and took them, or called his father and asked him to do it. The young man always has his Internet and phone working. And he can, at worst, call me, his father or his grandmother so that they can bring him food. But when a healthy, strong young man leaves a note at the door of neighbors who have small children, instead of looking up from the computer and going to earn a piece of bread - for me this is a wild situation. I’m very upset and I can’t help but think that I can’t just look at all this anymore. I would like to hear an opinion from the outside - especially from psychologists, psychiatrists or just smart people - what to do about this? Continue to be “left alone”, waiting for him to grow up and turn from I don’t know who into a good person? Delivered with a police squad to the military registration and enlistment office? Evict from the apartment - to worse conditions / to the street / to your father? Something else? Nothing? Help me understand what to do? (((UPD2: I am looking for a good psychotherapist/psychiatrist to travel and further (hopefully) work (in Moscow).

PhotoHint http://pics.livejournal.com/igrick/pic/000r1edq

In society, it is considered normal for children to begin an independent life when they become adults. However, not in all cases such an event occurs by itself. Some adult children have to be pushed to finally step up and take full responsibility. Many parents strive to help their children and do this for a very long time. It happens that an adult “child” is already over thirty, but he lives like a carefree eighteen-year-old student, without thinking about his future life and building his own family. Separation from father and mother may never happen. Why change anything if everything suits him anyway? At home, mom will always prepare a delicious lunch and feed her “baby,” wash the clothes, iron them and neatly put them on the shelf.

Unfortunately, the problem of infantilism among those who are already over twenty is not uncommon. Some people, having become adults, do not dare to be independent. When their son doesn’t want to work, parents clutch their heads and don’t know what to do. At the same time, as it turns out, an over-aged “child” does not want to receive an education, and sometimes, under the guise that he is “studying,” he continues to enjoy life without straining himself at all. Here you cannot do without the wise advice of a psychologist. Only a competent specialist can help you understand the situation and suggest an important thought. Before taking active steps, you need to know the reasons why a young man or woman refuses to get a job. Then, armed with knowledge, you can do something.

Causes

What can serve as a sufficient reason for an adult son or daughter to spend time idly, as if they were in childhood? This approach to life cannot be called serious; it rather indicates emotional and social immaturity. Infantilism in adults is manifested by the inability to take responsibility for their actions and actions. It is not uncommon to see adult men approaching thirty still living with their parents and in no hurry to start their own families. At the same time, they do not want to invest in the family budget. Why is this happening? Let's try to figure it out.

Low requests

Some people want to achieve a high position in society, while others are satisfied with the very minimum that fate can offer. Not everyone feels the need to purchase expensive things, clothes, and accessories. For some, the bare minimum is enough to feel happy and calm. If a person has low demands, then he will not strive to earn good money. A personality is able to develop only in a situation of limitation, when basic needs are not satisfied. If parents provide everything for a young person, then he will not strive for independence until an unmet need appears. That is why it is extremely undesirable to spoil a child while he is growing up, to fulfill all his whims.

The advice of a psychologist will be useful to those who intend to actively act in order to radically change the situation. The situation when a son or daughter, having reached adulthood, sits on the parent’s neck, cannot be happy. Such unsettlement of one’s own child upsets and disappoints the mother and father, makes them doubt themselves and look for mistakes they once made.

Diffidence

It stems from a feeling of helplessness. If a person, having reached a certain age, does not grow up in time, then no one can force him to do it. He simply will not find the strength within himself for further changes, in order to decide on global and decisive steps. Self-doubt can poison anyone's life and hinder personal development. When a daughter who has reached the age of majority does not want to work, it’s not so bad. In the end, a girl can get married successfully and live off her husband’s income. In the event that a guy refuses all employment, then you need to sound the alarm. The young man must learn the responsibility that he will later take for his own family. If he is so dependent that he cannot bring himself to get off the couch and start doing something, then there is no hope for him in the future. Lack of self-confidence usually gives rise to numerous other problems.

Excessive shyness

Sometimes it can be quite difficult for a young person to start an independent life because of the fears that trouble him. He may suffer greatly from the fact that he is unable to organize his life properly and achieve the desired goal. In this case, parents need help with advice and guidance for their son. If the reason is that the young man has no desire to deal with difficulties, he needs to be forced to overcome his shyness. Such stiffness in adulthood only gets in the way. Infantilism must be prevented, not allowed to grow. If the son does not cope with difficulties in time, then he will not be able to take responsibility for all the events that occur. Talk to your grown child, explain why it is important to get on your feet in time and be independent, give practical advice.

Prolonged search for oneself

Typically, youthful quests end by the age of twenty-two. At this time, there is a need to do something for themselves, young people rush to separate from their parents. If this does not happen, there is a serious reason to think about the well-being and maturity of a person. If a son or daughter does not want to work, there is definitely a reason for this behavior. The position may be dictated by the need to find oneself in an interesting and creative activity. However, if the search continues for years and does not lead to anything definite, then this is a reason to think deeply. In many cases, young people simply do not know how to realize their own interests and abilities, so they are ready for a long time to justify inaction as bad luck or failures.

The fear of losing comfort is a childish position that is not characteristic of an adult. If there is extreme lack of independence, then you cannot limit yourself to advice alone. It is necessary to take concrete steps forward.

Failure to plan

Sometimes it happens that an adult man does not have basic skills. He not only does not want to live at his own expense, but also to do something useful. Here, even the strictest parents are unlikely to be able to force him to come to his senses. The inability to plan and the lack of habit of conducting everyday affairs turn a young man into a weak-willed and socially helpless creature. Under no circumstances should you indulge his weakness, otherwise you will have to support such a “child” for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, very often the lack of desire to improve one’s life is associated with a number of other problems: alcohol, smoking, computer games and complete inactivity. Bad habits tend to become stronger over time.

What to do

It is very difficult, almost impossible, to force an adult to work when he does not want to. The fact is that a mature personality wants to manage his life independently. Most likely, the grown-up offspring will rebel in every possible way and show an extreme degree of indignation. Despite all the dissatisfaction, parents should act as straightforwardly and firmly as possible. Otherwise, you will never be able to remove the overgrown fellow from your neck, who lives for his own pleasure and does not want to change anything.

Thoughts about the future

If you don’t know where to start a conversation with your son about his employment, then it’s best to start thinking about the future. During such conversations, it will become clear what he dreams of, what plans he has. Before bringing serious accusations against a person, it is necessary to listen to him and give him the opportunity to explain himself. Who better than parents to know their child? When a person tries to hide something or provoke a quarrel, it is quite noticeable and immediately catches the eye. Joint thoughts about the future will help the young man make up his mind, and parents will better understand him.

Don't give money

If there is no way to influence the adult son, all that remains is to limit his support. What does it mean? You just don’t need to give him money for pocket expenses or food, then he will be forced to start providing for himself. As a rule, such a serious step forces an adult man to move and do something. Self-reliance begins with making the right decisions. Let the son be indignant and offended now, but then he will sincerely thank you for the lesson taught. Of course, it is better if awareness comes earlier. There is nothing worse than war with your own child. Mutual reproaches and accusations can ruin relationships for a long time. It is necessary to approach the matter responsibly, explain tactfully, but firmly.

Conclusion: an adult, be it a man or a woman, must separate from his parents in time and acquire financial independence. A grown child should not be allowed to take advantage of the kindness of his father and mother.

First, parents set themselves the task of educating their child at school, then - helping him graduate from college. Then an older child has a housing problem, and the parents are happy to solve it. Sometimes it happens that a married child puts his “other half” on the neck of his parents. This can go on indefinitely. Why do adult children not want to work, and how to cope with this problem?

Psychologists believe that the reluctance or inability of mature children to provide for themselves and leave home is directly related to the psychological immaturity of a person stuck between childhood and independent life. There are several reasons for this, and, unfortunately, most of them were provoked by parents.

Failure to plan

Some older children cannot choose a worthy goal for themselves and draw up a competent plan for its implementation. In addition, they are afraid that they will not provide themselves with the same level of prosperity as they were accustomed to in their parents’ home. Few people agree to voluntarily endure material difficulties or limit themselves in some way.

Fear of losing comfort

Parents usually create excellent conditions for the child that he does not want to part with. Why try to build your own nest, which may not be as comfortable and cozy as? Besides, it’s so nice at home: they serve breakfast in bed, prepare delicious dinners, hang clean and ironed clothes in the closet...

Lack of independence

Sometimes parents are sure that their children are simply not mature enough to live independently: they will definitely do something wrong, spoil it or make a mistake. This opinion is imposed on the grown child, and, after a while, he gets used to thinking of himself as a worthless creature.

Lack of earning habit

Young people who have always received pocket money from their parents do not know how to get it on their own. In addition, they have developed a stable freeloader psychology, which is fueled by the confidence that all they have to do is ask, and any amount will be provided by their parents immediately.

What to do?

First of all, parents need to start living their own lives, find other interests besides caring for their grown child. No matter how strong the desire to teach, protect and protect, you will have to give the adult child the opportunity to live independently. Parents will really help their offspring if they assist him in finding a job, for example, writing a resume, jointly searching for suitable vacancies, asking relatives and friends to find a job for their son or daughter. If the child continues to idle, it is necessary to reduce his material combination to a minimum and apply other repressive actions.

Sources:

Why do adult children sit on their parents' necks?
Save! We have an adult child on our neck! Part 1
How to make a parasite work?

When a fight starts, calm the children down and talk to the elder. Explain to him that the baby reaches out to his toys out of curiosity, and not to make him angry. Say that it’s really difficult to share, but it’s also not good to be greedy, because then no one will play with him at all.

Together with your children, explore a variety of problem solving methods. It is important that children themselves find a way out of such conflict situations. The following option is possible: the younger one takes the ball from the older one, and the older one brings him another ball and takes his own.

It is important to teach the older child to calmly refuse the baby, without screaming, swearing or tears.

Both children should have the opportunity to play not only with each other, but also separately from each other. A great option is to have children spend time together but do different activities. For example, while the older child is playing, read a fairy tale to the younger one. It is also a good thing to take part in the game.

Video on the topic

We will try to answer the question in detail: an adult son does not want to work prayer on the site: the site is for our dear readers.

Mother's prayer for an adult son: for protection over him, from drunkenness, about health

There is nothing stronger in the world than a mother’s prayer addressed to God. Neither earthly laws, nor the forces of gravity, nor anything else has power over her. She will lift him up when his son is sick, warm him up if his soul is cold, protect him from the evil will of others, and encourage him in a moment of despair. In reading it, words are not as important as the desire to protect your child from misfortunes and troubles. So what if it has been an adult for a long time, it still needs protection and mother’s love.

How to correctly read a prayer for a son?

A mother's prayer for an adult son is very effective. But many parents ask God for their child what they themselves want for him: money, happiness, love, and so on. In fact, this is somewhat wrong and selfish. It is better to entrust the fate of your child to the Lord; He knows better what should be given to him.

It is better to turn to the Almighty early in the morning and in a place of prayer. It doesn't have to be a temple, monastery or church. You can create a “red corner” in your own home by placing an icon case in it on the eastern wall. Just make sure that it is away from toys, cosmetics, paintings on a biblical theme and other modern things, otherwise the images will lose their power.

Before reading a mother’s prayer for an adult son, you definitely need to prepare: wash, bring yourself to your senses, clear your thoughts, calm down and be silent a little in order to prepare for a conversation with God. Anger, contempt and other negative feelings should be released. It is worth forgiving everyone you are offended by. If it doesn’t work out, we need to ask our Father for forgiveness and help in overcoming our weakness.

To read the mother’s prayer, you should kneel in front of the icons. Of course, you can turn to the Almighty while standing, sitting and even lying down, but for this you must have very serious reasons. In addition, one should remember the words of the ancient Fathers. They said that any prayer will be fruitless if the body has not worked.

The most important thing when talking with God is to be sincere. It is absolutely not necessary to memorize some prayers in order to then say them in front of the icons. Words coming from the very depths of your soul will be much more effective. You just need to believe in His mercy and intercession, then He will definitely hear you.

If extraneous thoughts appear during prayer, you need to understand: they are from the evil one. You need to drive them away from you like annoying flies. You should definitely say: “Lord, teach me to pray correctly.” You can also start the prayer again or set an alarm clock and read as many prayers as you can within the allotted time.

The words of the prayer should be pronounced slowly, without jabbering or swallowing endings. It is recommended to take at least short pauses between sentences and different prayers. To do well, you can not read the words, but hum them, as the priests do in church. This will be much more effective.

Do not forget to bow to the ground and not 10 times, but 50 or even 100, and also make the sign of the cross when pronouncing the word “Amen” and when mentioning the name of the Savior. By doing this you thank God for his mercy. Ask Him for strong patrons for your son in personal, professional or spiritual growth. Only then can you really help your son find the right direction in life with the help of the Almighty.

A strong prayer for the protection of a son who left his father’s house

No matter how old the son is, the mother’s soul still hurts for him. Especially if he is somewhere far away and not at home. Thoughts are spinning in my head: how is he, what is he doing, is everything okay with him. To calm down and protect your child from all sorts of misfortunes, you can read a strong prayer for an adult son who has left his father’s house:

It is advisable to do this in front of the face of the Lord and protector of humanity, the Most Holy Theotokos, who herself was once a mother. Time – daily, at 6 am, once and on an empty stomach. At the same time, you should put all your strength, emotions, soul and love into prayer. Then your words will be heard, and prayer will help.

Prayer for serious illnesses affecting my son

There is nothing worse for a mother when her beloved child suffers due to serious illnesses or mental pain. She is ready to give everything in the world so that he gets better faster and is happy. But in fact, all that may be required to make a desire come true is to turn to Saint Panteleimon. This is a doctor who once treated the weak and poor absolutely free of charge. The fame of the miracles he performed is still alive.

As a rule, after turning to the Saint, the patient is cured. But there are times when it simply becomes easier for the sufferer to endure the illness. This suggests that he needs to visit church to confess and receive communion.

Prayer for recovery from drunkenness

Those mothers whose sons become drunkards experience enormous grief. It happens that their hearts become so hardened that they begin to curse their own child. This is a huge sin that is very difficult to atone for! If you are faced with your child’s alcoholism, do not allow pride, resentment and despondency to come to you, it is better to go to church and conduct a ritual prayer to admonish your adult son and rid him of his addiction.

First of all, when you come to church, light candles near the icons of the Savior of Man, St. Nicholas the Wonderworker and Matrona of Moscow. Immediately order separate liturgies for the health of your son and yourself. Take 3 more candles and fill with blessed water. When there is no one in the house, go to your room, send your pets out and light candles in front of the iconostasis. Imagine that in front of you is a son who has succeeded and recovered from alcoholism. Pronounce the words clearly:

It is best to read this prayer early in the morning 3 times. In this case, you should make the sign of the cross and drink consecrated water from three different sides of the cup after each completion of her words. If you believe, prayer will definitely help.

About protecting my son

This maternal prayer for an adult son can be read not only after he leaves home, but also before he does so. She will help protect him from all sorts of troubles, illnesses, human envy and anger, and material problems. Saying your prayer out loud can also help your son choose the right direction in life. You will make him follow the path that was originally intended by Fate. Her words are as follows:

The prayer should be said with sincere faith and a desire to help the son, otherwise everything will be in vain.

Mothers love their children not because they are smart or energetic, but for the very fact of their existence. These feelings are always sincere, pure, without bad thoughts. And therefore, prayers for the health of an adult son, coming from the very depths of the soul, really help. The main thing is to turn to God, His Son or the Mother of God without rushing anywhere and driving away all kinds of thoughts from yourself - both bad and not so bad.

To protect your son from all sorts of illnesses and ailments, you can say the following words in front of the icon of Jesus Christ:

It is also better to do this in the morning, kneeling in front of the iconostasis and making the sign of the cross. It is advisable not to eat anything until this moment.

Prayer for a son and his wife

A happily married mother sincerely wishes that her son and his beloved would have everything as good as they did with their father. The one who is unlucky wants everything to work out for the best for the child. A prayer for an adult son and his wife, read by a mother who sincerely worries about her children, reaches God. She helps the boy improve his life and become a happy family man. You need to read before the icon of Jesus Christ, the following words:

By the way, this same prayer can be used to bless young people for a happy and long marriage.

What should you remember while praying?

While pronouncing words addressed to God, one should delve into the meaning of each of them. Even if it takes a long time, there is no need to rush. Remember: your son’s health and happiness should come first if you decide to pray for him. Therefore, turn off your phones, turn off alarm clocks and put your watches away; you won’t need them while talking with the Almighty.

After reading each prayer, memorized, try to turn to God simply like that, in your own words, coming from the soul. You must feel them, understand what feelings they awaken in your heart. Then bow before the icons, asking the Father for mercy for yourself and your child.

As a conclusion

A mother's prayer for an adult son, as well as for a small one, is capable of reaching from the bottom of the sea. She, like the wings of an angel, will cover the child and protect him from all kinds of adversity. But if dad turns to God with a request to protect his beloved child, the words will work no worse. Remember this! And may the Almighty protect you.

Mother's prayer for her son, 5 Orthodox prayers to the Lord God

A mother’s prayer for her son will help the suffering child recover quickly and find well-being in a humble soul.

If your son is sick or suffers from drunkenness, you can read one of the five suggested prayers over him.

If the child is far from Orthodoxy, whisper prayers without his knowledge.

Any mother wants her son not to make mistakes and to preserve his life for procreation.

Pray for him, and God will certainly hear you.

Mother's prayer for her son's health

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God. I trust in you and ask for my own son. Deliver him from illness and disease and cure his sinful soul from the wounds of mistrust. Let it be so. Amen.

Mother's prayer for her son's well-being

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God. I beg you for the well-being of my son and his deliverance from death sentences. If he has sinned, forgive him and send down Orthodox blessings from heaven. Thy will be done. Amen.

Mother's prayer for her son's marriage

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God. Help my child in a righteous marriage that will benefit his sinful soul. Send down a daughter-in-law who is modest and who reveres holy Orthodoxy. Thy will be done. Amen.

Mother's prayer for her drinking son

I beg you, Lord God, and ask for holy absolution. Help my drinking son get rid of his craving for alcohol and protect him from imminent death. Thy will be done. Amen.

Orthodox prayer of a mother for her son

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God. Grant my son good health, reason and will, strength and spirit. Protect him from harmful influences and guide him on the path leading to Orthodoxy. Thy will be done. Amen.

And when you feel maternal grief, remember that you have 5 Orthodox prayers through which we communicate with God.

God bless you!

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Number of reviews: 21

Please help me get rid of the gypsy curse. Several years ago I was in Albania, and since then terrible illnesses and money problems have not left me. I turned to various psychics for help, but it only got worse.

Please help me get rid of the gypsy curse.

My son is 37 years old. He drinks and doesn't work. He comes (he has his own living room), insults me and my mother, he has no luck with women. What should I do, help?

My son studies at the university. He skips classes and doesn’t want to study. He sits on the computer all the time. Please help me defeat his laziness and immaturity! I really want him to graduate from university and get an education!

Thank you very much.

My son is 18 years old. He always gets into some unpleasant stories.

How to deal with this?

Currently, you are on a site page that should help you.

Read a mother's prayers for her son.

Please don't be sad.

Everything will definitely work out for you!

Make sure that my son enters a prestigious university on a budget basis.

To the faculty that he likes.

Make sure my son enters a prestigious university...

Unfortunately, I am neither a wizard nor a healer, but an ordinary person.

For this reason, it remains for me to provide you with the most suitable material from our website for your review.

Please help my son.

She has been crying constantly for almost two months.

What prayer can help?

Hello, dear woman.

Forgive me for not being a healer.

I kindly ask you to contact a knowledgeable doctor, and in between treatments, read prayers from this site.

You are already on the appropriate page.

May God grant that your son recovers quickly.

Please, take care of yourself!

Help and tell me, please, what prayers should I read constantly?

For a year now, my relationship with my teenage son (he is 16 years old) has not worked out.

Over the past six months, I have already caused both anger and irritation in him.

Because of the latest quarrel, he doesn’t want to make contact; he lives with his grandmother and refuses to return home.

I’m even ready to give up my favorite sport.

Only friends are a priority.

The feeling is that everything is getting worse and worse.

Lord, how I understand you so well.

You are a mother, which means you suffer with all your might.

The road to the Temple has been paved for you.

3 candles for the icon of Jesus Christ and St. Nicholas the Wonderworker.

Submit a registered note about your son's health.

Write yourself into a separate one.

Read the “Our Father” prayer and Psalm 90 in Orthodox solitude.

Try using the wording suggested on our website.

I beg you very much, do not give up.

You have to go through adolescence.

You will definitely succeed.

May God help you!

I am looking for a prayer-conspiracy for my eldest son, since he is unlucky in life.

Age 42 years.

No permanent job.

I thank God for everything.

My 31-year-old son drinks, rages, offends me, makes scandals, saying that everything is my fault.

We don’t work anywhere, we live on pension.

I'm even afraid to stay with him sometimes.

Thank you. May God bless you.

How to pray for the demons to leave him and for him to stop drinking?

Please do not despair, although I am trying to understand how a mother’s heart suffers.

You can familiarize yourself with the prayers presented on this page.

Go to the Orthodox Church and submit a registered note of Health for yourself and your own son.

Read the prayers “Our Father” and Psalm 91.

I beg you, take care of yourself.

May God help you!

My son is 7 years old. Lives with father. He doesn't want to return home.

Is there such a prayer for a son to want to return to his mother?

My son is 14 years old.

Like an ordinary teenager, he hangs out with friends, but I’m scared for him because of the latest events related to suicide in the country.

Hello Nastya, I share your concerns.

In adolescence, it is very important not to let the child go by losing trust.

Read “Our Father” and Psalm 90.

In Church, place candles near any icons. Submit a registered note about your son's health.

Everything will be fine. Difficult time in the country. You just have to survive it.

My son is 16 years old, we haven’t found a common language for 2 years, he constantly leaves home, skips school, doesn’t want to study, he’s rude, he’s rude, and he’s rude to everyone - both his grandmothers and us parents, you can’t say a word to him - right out of the blue a scandal ensues.

How to pray correctly?

Which icons should I contact, please tell me?

Site Administrator - Strong prayer to the Lord God for deliverance from a rival
Marina - A strong prayer to the Lord God for deliverance from her rival
Site administrator - A strong conspiracy of a mother to marry her daughter, 2 powerful conspiracies
Olga - A strong conspiracy of a mother to marry her daughter, 2 powerful conspiracies
Lyudmila - A conspiracy to find a lost thing, 2 strong conspiracies

The administration is not responsible for the results of the practical use of any material.

Use experienced doctors to treat illnesses.

When reading prayers and conspiracies, you must remember that you do this at your own peril and risk!

Copying publications from the resource is allowed only with an active link to the page.

If you have not reached the age of majority, please leave our site!

If adult children do not want to work

Low requests

Diffidence

Excessive shyness

Prolonged search for oneself

Failure to plan

What to do

Thoughts about the future

Don't give money

I am 49 years old. She raised her son alone. Now my son is 26 years old, he received a good higher education (I paid for his studies), worked for some time after studying, then quit of his own free will (I didn’t like the work schedule, decided to start an independent business), took out a loan for business development and... sits at home, plays “toys” on the computer. There is no reaction to my suggestions to look for another job or start doing something. The loan money is spent on entertainment, I feed the child and pay for the apartment (we live together). Help with advice on how to convey to an adult son the need to work, study, develop, which his mother will not support forever. There is only one answer to my persuasion and arguments: there will be a need, then I’ll go work anywhere, but now I want to do what I like. But it turns out that the child likes to be lazy...

Irina, Moscow region, 49 years old / 05/16/16

Our experts' opinions

Alyona

Irina, in this case, you need to create conditions for your son in which he realizes the “need” to work. Because as long as he has a place to live, utility bills can be ignored (mom will pay), and there is still some food in the refrigerator, then the guy has no need to save himself from hunger and cold. Therefore, active military action is already needed here. Otherwise, his debts will become your problem. I would talk about this topic with a lawyer first of all, because a psychologist-educator is no longer an assistant here. Find out the details of your son’s loan, on what security it was taken (what is the justification, etc.), who is the guarantor. In my opinion, this is the first thing that should worry you, especially if you are listed as a guarantor and if your common property is pledged (it is unlikely that your son had any property of his own, judging by his desire to work). Next, find out from the bank the loan repayment schedule, because it is issued along with the money, and even if the first payment is delayed in time, the time will still come to start “paying off” the debts. To begin with, with all these papers, you can have a serious conversation with your son and find out from him when and how he is going to pay the bills. Print out the payment schedule and hang it in visible places. Secondly, there is no need to be shy and consider yourself petty - your son is not even a student anymore - divide the utility payment by 2 and issue him an invoice to pay his part. If they don't take it seriously, ask the management company to split utility bills between two residents. The ideal, of course, is to kick the boy out of the apartment to earn his own living, but this may not work if your lazy boy turns out to be stubborn. Then all that remains is weaning from the feeder. You will have to forget that you are his mother, and he is your “blood girl,” because at 26 years old, this “blood girl” should already be thinking about how to help her mother financially, and not live at her expense until old age.
Sergey

Irina, in my opinion, it’s too late to raise this “child”. What has grown has grown. And the only thing you can do for him is to listen and give him the opportunity to feel the need for work. For example, send her to live separately. Alas, some chicks have to be pushed out of the nest by force, and then also run from them, because such “cadres” really don’t want to just leave their home with free food. So look for options for moving away, even exchanging an apartment, and stop sponsoring. Otherwise, I'm afraid you will be the one who will have to pay off the loans and look for an opportunity to start your own business in order to continue to pay for the increasing needs of the “boy with a good education.” Of course, such drastic changes are unlikely to be painless. And the chance of quarreling with your son is very high. However, if he doesn’t understand otherwise, then I don’t see any other options. Although, of course, you can continue to try to put pressure on the psyche by having serious conversations and even hysterics. Perhaps after some time the guy will come to his senses. But maybe not. And then there is a chance that one day the guy will get loans or get involved in something that he will have to deal with by selling everything. So think about it, is it worth it?

There is no more strength, my son is not looking for a job. Chat with friends

An adult son does not want to work - what to do? If your son doesn’t want to work, what to do, advice from a psychologist

Causes

Overprotection

Low requests

Diffidence

Failure to plan

Shyness and complexness

Help

Talk about the future

Include in the common life of the family

Engage motivation

Chat with friends

Treatment with a psychologist

Conclusion

An adult son does not want to work - what to do?

My son doesn't want to work. What to do?

Question to a psychologist

Answers from psychologists

Personal life

Rudeness and secrecy

Doesn't want to work, demands money

I started studying, but suddenly stopped going to classes

My son doesn't leave the computer, he plays constantly

Question to a psychologist

Answers from psychologists

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna

Yarovaya Larisa Anatolyevna

Alyokhina Elena Vasilievna

Smirnova Alexandra Vladimirovna

Lizyaev Pyotr Yurievich

Subscribe to the magazine "All Psychology"

The adult son does not want to work. What to do?

Step 1: Establish communication and create a safe space

Step 2. Be interested in his hobbies

Step 3. Include in the common life of the family

Step 4. Develop interest in yourself and other people

Step 5: Engage Motivation

Step 6. Look for a job together

Problems with an adult son - what to do?: ru_psiholog

Causes

Low requests

Diffidence

Excessive shyness

Prolonged search for oneself

Failure to plan

What to do

Thoughts about the future

Don't give money

Failure to plan

Fear of losing comfort

Lack of independence

Lack of earning habit

What to do?

Mother's prayer for an adult son: for protection over him, from drunkenness, about health

How to correctly read a prayer for a son?

A strong prayer for the protection of a son who left his father’s house

Prayer for serious illnesses affecting my son

Prayer for recovery from drunkenness

About protecting my son

Prayer for a son and his wife

What should you remember while praying?

As a conclusion

Mother's prayer for her son, 5 Orthodox prayers to the Lord God

Mother's prayer for her son's health

Mother's prayer for her son's well-being

Mother's prayer for her son's marriage

Mother's prayer for her drinking son

Orthodox prayer of a mother for her son

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Number of reviews: 21

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If adult children do not want to work

Low requests

Diffidence

Excessive shyness

Prolonged search for oneself

Failure to plan

What to do