A complex person - how complexes constantly interfere with life. Become a pleasant conversationalist

The question of how to stop being shy, withdrawn and insecure worries a huge number of people who want to overcome their inner fear.

Since the listed character traits rarely occur individually, but flow from each other (a shy person is usually withdrawn and unsure of himself), in order to suppress them you will have to do serious step-by-step work on yourself.

Shyness in any form prevents you from being yourself.
A person reveals himself fully only when he feels at ease.
Stefan Zweig. Impatience of the heart

Introduction

The phrase “modesty is decorative” has long been set on edge. Yes, in some situations modesty is needed, because excessive boasting or obvious narcissism does not suit a worthy person. But shyness is something else.

This quality interferes with the life of both the humble guy himself and confuses those around him - they try to help him, understand him, open him up, but this does not always work out. As a result, a shy person drops out of social life, since he is boring and has nothing to talk about. And this gives rise to new complexes and negative emotions in a closed person. And something needs to be done about this.

If you take some action, put in your efforts and back it up with a great desire, then everything will definitely work out!

Finding out the reason is the first step towards success

The ancient sages said: “Find the cause of the problem - and this is already half the solution.” A person becomes withdrawn, shy or insecure as a result of certain experiences, psychological traumas or events that happened in his life.

Based on negative experience, he does not see an alternative to a favorable development of events and does not try to change the usual pattern of behavior. All this leads to even greater problems, including seclusion, passivity, withdrawal from reality into the world of fantasies, illusions, and virtual games.

The most common reasons for shyness, withdrawal or uncertainty in the company of strangers are:

fear;
resentment;
stress;
psychological trauma.

Fear

For example, fear invariably gives rise to distrust of everything unfamiliar. Instinctively, a person withdraws into himself, believing that by doing so he will avoid problems, awkward situations, and possible ridicule.

Often, upon closer acquaintance, a person reveals a completely different side in company, but at the initial stage, fear forces him to be extremely careful in his statements and actions.

Resentment towards the world around us for failures that have occurred also becomes the cause of shyness, isolation, and uncertainty. A person isolates himself from reality, not allowing himself to share his own experiences, emotions, or positive impressions with others.

Unfortunately, over time, resentment only accumulates and if it does not find a natural outlet, then the person becomes aggressive and sometimes even dangerous to society. Therefore, before you stop being shy and insecure, you should definitely get rid of the mentioned feeling.

Stress, psychological trauma

Experienced stress or previously experienced psychological trauma forces an individual to close his inner world from outsiders. According to statistics, more than 40% of respondents experience depression and are dissatisfied with their own lives, and do not make good contact with unfamiliar people.

Usually, the invisible subsides with overcoming stress, restoration of vital energy, and the arrival of positive emotions. As for psychological injuries, everything is much more complicated here, especially when they were inflicted during the period of personality formation (that is, in childhood). Sometimes, to overcome their consequences, the help of a qualified specialist is required.

How to stop being shy: a guide to action

1. Belief in success

The most difficult thing is to take the first step towards a more liberated self. It may even seem to you that this is unrealistic, that nothing will come of this whole venture. Drive away these thoughts! This is wrong. You will definitely succeed. Believing in yourself and your success is very important, so stock up on them to the fullest.

2. You are no worse than others

The next stage is the understanding that you are no worse than other people. You are the same, and in some qualities you are superior to many. Remember all your strengths and skills. Some of them are not a sin to brag about or at least demonstrate to the world.

For example, do you write poetry? Stop hiding them! Join the literary community and show your creations to other people. Although not everyone will like your poems, you will definitely find fans of your work.

Remember: to receive compliments and approval, you need to show people what you can be praised for. If you are closed, then you simply will not be noticed. And learn to love yourself for who you are. Nobody is perfect.

3. Failure is a learning experience.

Criticism or failures in life are not always bad. Perceive your failures not as the end of the world, but as a certain experience that makes you wiser and stronger.

Remember the famous phrase “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”?

It may be hackneyed, but it is very true. This is true! Therefore, you can be a little sad, even cry, and the next day pull yourself together and move on to a better life.

4. Facing your fears

To overcome your indecisiveness, you need to work hard on yourself. You are probably embarrassed to speak in public. Start by at least making a toast. This is a challenge for many people: to find certain words, assemble them into beautiful sentences and pronounce them publicly, albeit in a small company of close people. It’s better to prepare this short speech in advance, think through all your wishes and repeat several times. You will realize that everything is not so scary. Everyone will definitely like it. Try it!

You can also contact strangers on the street more often with various questions. For example, asking how to get to such and such a street. This will also liberate you, you will be less afraid of communication.

5. Become a pleasant conversationalist

Do you think that in order to have a conversation, you need to have some kind of secret knowledge or have a special relationship with a person? This is not always the case. Many sociable people talk with others about mere trifles. It wouldn’t hurt for you to adopt this quality, even if it seems stupid at first.

Start by talking about the weather, no matter how trivial it may be. Next, you can discuss matters that connect you with your interlocutor. If this is a co-worker, you can talk about the problem of parking near the office building. If the neighbor talks about how the rent bills have increased. The main thing is to start, and the conversation can develop on its own, especially if your interlocutor is more sociable than you. Practice! And you will get involved.

6. Give compliments

People love to hear pleasant words addressed to them, even if said in passing. And especially women! Give them compliments. You don't have to be full of praise. Suffice it to say that today the young lady has a good hairstyle or a beautiful dress. You will see how she will immediately become more disposed towards you.

7. The right attitude

Train yourself to be positive every day. A positive state of mind, even from scratch, will help you overcome life's obstacles. Healthy optimism never hurt anyone!

Additional ways to get rid of shyness

Before you stop being shy in companies or when meeting new people, you need to understand that solving this problem depends entirely on the person himself. It will take some time to become more open, relaxed, and sociable. For some, a few weeks are enough to achieve success, while for others it will take several years before all manifestations of the described negative qualities are completely eradicated.

Now there are several effective ways to stop being shy and withdrawn, unsure of yourself.
This list includes:

personal training;
development of communication skills;
performing special exercises (“go ahead”).

The method of personal training has now gained enormous popularity, as it allows you to convince a person that he is no worse or better than other people he doesn’t know well.

Typically, specific guidelines are communicated in the form of a “teacher-student” approach, when an experienced mentor (psychologist) convinces withdrawn and insecure people that no one in the company is trying to ridicule, offend, or humiliate them.

Many of them also experience a certain amount of excitement, but in no way show their own negative feelings. Regular classes with a specialist who knows how to persuade help achieve results, and a person overcomes his fear of communication.

Sometimes it is recommended to develop communication skills by doing certain exercises. One of the most useful options for how to stop being shy in company is to simulate the situation in front of a mirror. It wouldn’t hurt to prepare a few universal jokes that will help defuse a tense situation or give you confidence in your abilities. The more a person “rehearses” alone with himself, the more confident and at ease he will feel in a real situation.

An innovative technique was to perform tasks that require considerable courage from an indecisive, shy person. For example, he should come up and talk to complete strangers on the street, ask for the phone number of an attractive girl (guy), or talk about some event in a public place. After 2-3 such exercises, progress is noticeable, as a person overcomes fear, becomes more open to the world around him, and gains self-confidence.

Several important nuances of achieving success

Psychologists highlight several key aspects of how to stop being shy in company and at the same time win the favor of strangers.

The list of such conditions invariably includes:

acceptance of constraint (excitement, isolation) as a given fact;
positive thinking, smile, neat appearance;
lack of comparison of oneself with other people;
training in slow, intelligible speech.

It is necessary to clearly understand that it is quite normal to feel shy, nervous or withdrawn in certain situations. Don't try to hide your emotions, because it always looks unnatural and repulsive. At the same time, the initial impression of a person is influenced by his appearance, facial expression, and voice intonation, so try to always look brand new, exude positivity, and don’t forget to smile.

There is no need to constantly draw parallels with more successful people in the company, otherwise this can lead to negativity, detachment, and the desire to quickly go to a quiet, secluded place. A huge problem for many people is slurred, rapid speech, which not all participants in the conversation can understand. Learn to express your own thoughts clearly, clearly, slowly, which will allow you to attract the attention of others, avoiding caustic ridicule.

Bottom line

Shyness can be overcome - add some effort to your desire and soon you will see a positive result! Be active, decisive and open to people.

You can overcome shyness, self-consciousness, and lack of self-confidence only through painstaking work on yourself, positive thinking, and getting rid of fears or complexes. Fight your weaknesses, prejudices, negativity - and you will definitely become a successful, attractive person!

Every person is sometimes visited by thoughts that he is not smart enough, handsome or successful enough. An inferiority complex is a “worm” that gnaws at many of us in different ways. For some, it gives strength and the desire to move on and become better, while for others it can significantly complicate life with obsessive ideas. If some people go to a psychologist to solve problems, others still suffer within themselves, inflating the problem every day.

In simple terms, complexes are a negative attitude towards oneself. In the fight against them, you need to remember that they are part of the inner world of every individual person. Guilt, shame, fear, shyness are just some of the negative emotions that a person with an inferiority complex experiences. These are destructive feelings that hinder the development and progress of the individual. The verdict is clear: you need to get rid of your complexes and become more confident in yourself.

Learning to love and accept yourself is the main condition for a person to feel free and happy. Psychological complexes are insidious and often have tragic consequences: depression, neuroses, family breakdown, loneliness. The golden rule is: “Preventing a disease is easier than curing it.” This is what we will do.

Alarming symptoms

The mind actively seeks and pays attention to the negative aspects of the personality, while the positive qualities fade into the background. This is a somewhat paranoid state when it seems that you have problems with your appearance, for example, or that you are a loser. You are afraid to express your opinion because you think you are not very smart. Increasingly, there is a feeling that others are discussing you behind your back, making fun of the vices you have invented. The key point is that all these are just our fantasies and in practice they have nothing to do with reality.

Complexes can be divided into male and female.

For example, men are often susceptible to a subordinate complex and cannot feel happy under the leadership of a boss. There is also sometimes a fear of becoming a bad lover. Teenagers are afraid of not being popular with women. While ladies suffer from the fact that they may not like the opposite sex. Girls sometimes seem ugly, sometimes overweight, sometimes stupid.

Where does uncertainty come from?

It is difficult to give a clear answer to this question because uncertainty has many causes. A classic story where an inferiority complex begins to grow from childhood. Psychology says that even casual statements about our appearance, manners or skills can trigger the process of the emergence of self-doubt and self-doubt. And then the situation progresses and becomes more and more inflated, like a snowball.

Any manifestation of negative emotions destroys good self-image. A person becomes isolated on problems, sees a catch in the harmless words of others. It seems as if others find it unpleasant to be around because he is ugly, stupid, awkward.

How to get rid of complexes and love yourself

Psychologists say that recognizing a problem is the first step to overcoming it. The question of deliverance arises when a person is ready to accept his complexes as they are and begin to act. The different techniques can ultimately be reduced to general advice. Below are the main ways to combat complexes.

Explanation. First of all, figure out where you got these complexes from. Why exactly do they prevent you from living happily? Look carefully, no one except you will be able to admit personal vices.
Awareness. To cope with complexes, you need to accept a simple truth - everyone has complexes.
Even the most successful people are often influenced by their fears. Self-doubt does not prevent them from being happy, building a career and communicating with other people.
Deliverance. Forget about your fear, ignore it. Afraid of seeming stupid? You're stupid! Ugly? Relax! Start small, show yourself in the form you are afraid of. Come visit your best friend without a super hairstyle, in an old shabby T-shirt. Say hello to the first person you meet on the street and wish him a good day. Getting out of your comfort zone is the most effective way to get rid of complexes and internal fears in communication.
Positive attitude. Focus your attention on your own good qualities. Remember why your family and friends love you.

Exercises to combat inferiority complex

There are simple exercises to combat inferiority complexes on your own. They should enter your life as healthy habits. Even when you cope with your fears and are finally able to overcome complexes from childhood, these easy manipulations will lift your spirits and give you faith in your strength.

Mirror

Every day, go to the mirror and list the things you like about yourself. If it’s difficult to decide for yourself, your loved ones will tell you what is attractive about your appearance. Tell yourself: “I love myself, I like to see myself this way.”

Letter of happiness

Write a short motivational letter in which you encourage the other person, encourage him to love himself and his life. Showing how beautiful the world is and wishing you a good day. And distribute them to random passers-by. Don't ask for anything in return, don't wait for the person to read. Offer the letter with a smile and leave. You will learn to share, you will see the good and it will be easier for you to contact people.

Start something new

Master something you didn’t understand at all before. A girl can try to install a shelf in the bathroom, and a guy can try to figure out how to bake a cake. Brag about something new to your family, and your self-esteem will increase significantly.

Think less - do more! This should be your golden rule. There is no need to think about how to get rid of complexes about appearance and increase self-esteem, overcome uncertainty - you just need to start taking action. By regularly doing simple exercises, you will feel better and calmer. You will feel a surge of confidence and be one step closer to overcoming your inhibitions. Love life – and its positive response will not keep you waiting!

Many of us judge liberated, self-confident people, although in fact we want to be like them. This is not surprising, since such individuals strive to become the soul of the company, they charge you with energy and leave a piece of themselves after leaving. On the other hand, people who are not shy appear self-confident and arrogant. One way or another, to overcome shyness, you need to study all aspects and make a competent plan. Let's talk about everything in order.

Reasons for shyness

People become shy when they spend a lot of time alone. The inability to communicate socially is caused by a lack of basic communication skills.
The genetic factor also contributed. If a child grows up in a family with shy parents, this feature will be transferred automatically.
People who are unsure of their abilities are often shy. This happens due to constant criticism from others or low self-esteem imposed by the subconscious.
Fear of communicating with others and, as a result, isolation arises due to the psychological trauma experienced. A person tries to protect himself from future losses, so he becomes shy.
If a child lives in a family that regularly criticizes and humiliates him, the child will automatically grow up withdrawn. The same applies to children living in constant prohibitions.
There are people who are afraid of “falling on their face.” This is due to public censure; a person does not want to be rejected by colleagues, friends, relatives and even strangers.
Stereotypes influence the formation of life principles. If a child is constantly praised and has high expectations, he will try to do everything so as not to destroy the illusion. Such a person is afraid to express his thoughts in the future.

How to get rid of shyness

It should be remembered that isolation is not a vice. Young girls are much more attractive when they have a blush on their cheeks and a slightly trembling voice. However, if such a feature prevents you from fully existing, you need to get rid of it.

Method number 1. Chat with strangers

In most cases, people become shy well in advance of interacting with strangers. Such behavior is wrong, because you cannot baptize your children with these people.
Accept invitations from friends to attend all kinds of parties, concerts, and cinemas. Make it a habit to meet at least 2 new people a month.
At first, you can smooth things out by making friends through social networks. Start with VKontakte or Odnoklassniki, then make an appointment yourself when you're ready.
Go out into the world more often. Visit crowded cafes and restaurants, crowded places. Stand in line, pay utilities, communicate.
Engage in solving pressing issues on your own. This applies more to visiting authorities and other serious offices (passport office, housing and communal services, tax office, etc.).

Method number 2. Find new friends

Visit social groups or join forums where people share their doubts. Find someone who has the same problem. Discuss the topic with him: “How to overcome shyness.”
It is also recommended to find a person using the “nasty” method. It is important that a new acquaintance does not have complexes and shyness. Such a person will constantly pull you out of your comfort zone. This will promote emancipation.
Every person comes into your life for a reason. Choose your social circle so that it includes people from all social groups. Of course, you shouldn’t get involved in crime.
If possible, communicate only with successful people. Create an idol for yourself, follow his path. Don't be afraid of your own mistakes, they are required for experience.

Method No. 3. Do daring things

Analyze your life. Highlight actions that you could not decide on for a long time. Have you been planning to jump with a rope or parachute for a long time? Go for it!
Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, take a closer look at motorized vehicles. People on two-wheeled iron horses look bold and confident. Study for category “A”, buy a sports bike and equipment.
Actions that can overcome shyness include participation in television programs (in particular, extras), beauty contests and other public appearances. Expressing your thoughts to the public will liberate you, the main thing is to prepare thoroughly.
If you're a girl, wear an extravagant petite top or high heels. Reconsider your image, dye your hair a bright shade. Visit a fetish party, attend a charity event, or become a volunteer.
People who have long-term sympathy for the opposite sex should ask the person on a date. Take courage and dare, live for today.
In all of these actions, it is important to know when to stop. Don’t jump right off the bat, think about your own safety and morale. Don’t run into trouble, carefully plan and predict all your actions.

Method number 4. Gain confidence in yourself

In most cases, people become shy due to complexes that appear over the years or stem from childhood. To get rid of shyness, it is necessary to eliminate uncertainty in all possible ways.
If you don't feel comfortable because the weight class is over the top, go for it. Join the gym, get rid of cellulite, go on a diet. Buy clothes that hide imperfections.
Reconsider your image. Get a new haircut, change your hair color, go for a manicure and pedicure. Take a make-up course, find “your” cosmetics, and don’t go out without makeup.
Get rid of the "junk". This includes old clothes with pilling and elongated knees, shabby shoes and bags, old jackets. Replace every discarded item with a new, more stylish and unusual one.
Assess your capabilities regarding your current profession, develop in your career, and increase your earnings. Try to communicate with people who have already achieved heights. Find out their secrets of success and share your own experience.
Love motivates you to do more, find a gentleman or life partner. Dress up for the sake of your loved one, make each other happy. A stable personal life adds confidence.

Method No. 5. Describe yourself

Prepare a notebook and write down your positive aspects in it. Be sure to check not only about mental and physical abilities, but also external data.
For example, you can write that you are positive, brave, successful. It is advisable to clarify the ability to achieve goals and objectives, responsive character, kindness.
If you are experiencing difficulties regarding your characteristics, contact your relatives or friends. Draw up a psychological portrait together.
You need to indicate as many positive qualities as possible. Number them for clarity. Hang the list on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror. Re-read every morning and believe in what you wrote.
It is important to remember forever that a person is made up of his own thoughts and beliefs. Think about yourself in a positive way, never doubt your own capabilities.

Method number 6. Develop materially and spiritually

In the near future, you need to communicate more with diverse people. This method will improve your communication skills and relieve you of shyness.
To become an interesting conversationalist, develop spiritually. Read books, attend seminars on personal growth. Study your social circle, remove those who drag you down.
Money plays a big role in the modern world. People who say otherwise are deeply mistaken. With the help of finances, you can provide yourself with a decent life, travel, and be confident in the future.
Isn't this what eradicates shyness?! Look for a more profitable profession or ways to earn additional income. Never stop. Make it a habit to raise your salary by at least 10% per month. At the same time, learn to postpone.
If you don't yet know what you want to become, it's time to correct the situation. Analyze what you are most drawn to. Perhaps to mathematics, art or other creativity? Do you like to work with your hands or your head? Mold yourself based on this.

Method No. 7. Play sports

Decent physical fitness improves self-esteem and morale. Many people visit gyms, so it is often impossible to do without contact with them. Don’t be shy, ask how to use certain exercise machines. Look for new acquaintances.
Agree with your friends that you will lose 5 kg. and pump up your buttocks, abs, and arms. Limit yourself to specific limits. Start running, jumping rope, squats.
You don’t have to spend exorbitant amounts of money on a subscription. Enjoy summer and winter sports without spending your hard earned money.
If you still decide to visit specific sections, consider Pilates, water aerobics, stretching, yoga, dancing of all types, kickboxing, cross-fit.
In clubs you will be taught to behave in a relaxed manner. The trainer will tell you how to get rid of shyness and will do everything to ensure that you achieve your goals. Particularly shy people should contact a professional instructor in a particular sport.

Method No. 8. Make your loved ones happy

Learn to give joy to your relatives and close friends. In return, they will show you gratitude and give you compliments. In this simple way, you will gain confidence and stop doubting yourself.
Stop conflicts, do not harbor anger and resentment. They will eat you from the inside. Communicate with people politely, give tenderness and love to those who deserve it.
For your own peace of mind, keep a calendar. Indicate in it significant dates, birthdays of your friends and relatives. It is important to understand that without social communication a person fades.

Identify the causes of shyness and eradicate them in a short time. Constantly work on yourself, don't stop there. Find passive income, climb the career ladder. Reconsider your wardrobe and your overall image. Play sports, look for new circles of acquaintances, travel. Take the initiative in communicating with friends, improve your personal life, make your loved ones happy.