The whole truth about men: He just doesn't like you. Why don't we love those who love us

Ecology of life. People: There are a lot of ways to make people angry, and most of them don't require any effort. It is enough to look at what you are doing on social networks, or chat with you for a few seconds.

There are plenty of ways to make people angry, and most of them don't require any effort. It is enough to look at what you are doing on social networks, or chat with you for a few seconds. We have selected some of the most common reasons that turn people away and explain how to avoid such situations. Read it - does it sound familiar?

But research shows that when you post too many photos on social media, it can damage your relationships with people. “People - unless they are your close friends and family - are not very accepting of those who constantly post photos of themselves,” says the author of one of these studies. In particular, your friends don't like it when you have too many photos of your family, and your relatives don't like it when you have too many photos with your friends. So be careful with photos - they can both strengthen the relationship and deal a blow to it.

2. You have too many or too few friends on social networks

The authors of one study asked participants to rate the profiles of fictitious social network users. This was in 2008, and then the ideal number of friends turned out to be something around 300 (the average number of study participants was about that). When a user had about 100, he received a low rating (many users simply did not like him), and a similar situation arose when he had significantly more than 300 friends. Interestingly, people did not realize that they were evaluating a profile by the number of friends - they simply said that they liked or did not like this person.

If you look at a group of people who have on average about 1000 friends on a social network, then the ideal number would be this very thousand. But recent surveys show that the average social network user has 338 friends.

3. You talk about something personal too early.

People usually like each other better when they share something confidential. But psychologists say that when you reveal some intimate information when you are just building a relationship with a person, it gives the impression that you are insecure and pushes people away from you. It's important to communicate on a personal level, but not too personal. As research by Susan Sprecher from the University of Illinois shows, talking about your hobbies and favorite childhood memories can make you seem warmer and more pleasant.

4. You ask others questions, but don’t talk about yourself at all.

The same study by Susan Sprecher shows that it is important that the exchange of details of personal life be reciprocal. People don't like it if you don't reciprocate in exchange for some intimate information. “Although shy or insecure people may ask questions to deflect attention away from themselves, our research suggests that this is not a good relationship-building strategy,” the authors write.

5. Your profile photo is too close-up

If your profile, say on LinkedIn, shows your face very close to the camera, it is better to change this photo. Research shows that people photographed from a distance of 45 centimeters are perceived as less attractive, competent and trustworthy than those photographed from a distance of 135 centimeters.

6. You hide your emotions.

Research shows that this is a bad relationship strategy. In one study, people were shown scenes from famous films and asked to either suppress their emotions or express them openly. Then they showed videos of these people to other study participants and asked them how pleasant it would be to make friends with the people in the video and evaluate them. Those who suppressed their emotions were rated as less agreeable, less extroverted, and less agreeable than those who naturally expressed emotions.

Researchers believe this is related to the idea of reciprocity, which we discussed just above: “When someone hides their feelings, it can be perceived as their disinterest in intimacy, social support, or shared activities.”

7. You're being too kind

You might think that altruism helps you win new friends, but research says otherwise. In 2010, scientists at the University of Washington gave study participants points that could be kept or exchanged for lunch at a cafe. Participants were told that they were playing in groups of five - although four of them were "plants" - and that when you share points with others, it increases the chances of the whole group receiving a cash reward.

Some of the "fake" participants gave a lot of points, but most of the real participants eventually said that they no longer wanted to work together with such people. Some said that against the backdrop of such altruism they themselves look somehow not very good, while others suspected that altruists have some kind of hidden selfish motives.

The conclusion is this: you shouldn’t be that person who always agrees to buy and bring pizza to a meeting or deal with a printer in which paper is stuck. It’s worth saying “no” from time to time - just explain why.

8. You praise yourself under the guise of self-criticism.

Don't try to impress friends or potential employers by hiding self-praise behind self-criticism. This really turns off a lot of people. In one recent study, students were asked to write down how they would describe their biggest weakness in an interview. More than 75% of participants said they were perfectionists or complained that they worked too hard.

But those who rated these reviews were more likely to be willing to hire people who were honest about themselves, and those who were honest were more liked by raters—for example, those who wrote that they "don't always get organized" or admitted that “sometimes he reacts too nervously.”

Another smart option is to write about weaknesses that don't directly apply to your potential job: for example, if you're applying for a copywriting position, it's okay to admit that you're afraid of speaking in public.

9. You're too nervous

Research shows that when you make others sweat, others subconsciously make unfavorable judgments about you. In 2013, participants in one study were shown videos of women in ordinary life situations - at work or interacting with children. During the viewing, three types of odors were distributed in the hall: 1) the smell of sweat during sports activities; 2) the smell of sweat that is released during stress; 3) the smell of sweat from stress, but with added deodorant.

Participants were then asked to rate these women's level of competence, confidence, and trust they deserved. The video's heroines received the lowest ratings when the video was accompanied by the smell of sweat caused by stress. The deodorant gave higher ratings. So if you are prone to sweat from excitement, do not hesitate to use deodorant. published

Join us on

[Chorus]:

I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto

[Verse 1, KIZARU]:
We don't care about the law, boy
We're flying high, boy

We don't care about the law, boy
We're flying high, boy
You're just scratching your tongue, boy.
Yeah, my mom didn't raise weaklings, man.

Through the ashes and shadows, the same one
White motherfucker, I came from the streets
I conjure with these briquettes and
Make me disappear, man, yes, I'm crazy

I can't give a damn
I'm too real for this
I can't betray you
I'm too real for this

Who are you, guy? You're a sucker, guy
Fucked your bitch, fuck off
Yes, you heard, fuck you
Let this world go to hell

We still know the whole truth
I like horror, I don't like drama
If you fuck, we'll cause injury
I don't like to wait, I like right away

You're a broke boy, you're a pussy boy
You are nothing, you are zero
You're a total bitch on the battlefield
And I know it then, anyway

With me, fuck, those who kick out
Silence immediately sets in
We can even do this: pow-pow-pow
Prrr, problem solved

[Chorus]:
I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto

I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto

[Verse 2, KIZARU]:
Well you know, yes, she liked it
I don't know how to behave properly
Everything that was thrown off without a fawn
Fuck them all, fuck their rules

You guessed it right, you all get kicked out 100 out of 10
Bitch, microbe, shut your f*ck up
We sold everything, everything is perfect
I used to love hard, but now I'm a savage

She changed me, I'm a savage
Fuck these bitches, yeah, I'm a savage
Mary Jane is with me forever
The subscriber is unavailable, no, no, she won’t get in touch

Took your girl, yeah, that bitch really wants me to do the dirt on her
How so, guy? You thought it was love, everything is still passion
But why, when she sucked my bolt, was it a holiday for her?
Well, fly away, I'm the top, you're angry. Shut your mouth, you're a complete zero

It won't be easy for you if you're not from here
All my guys are chasing cash
We don't give up, we do everything in hope
I flew out of the area, fucked like fresh

Holy shit are you looking? Take off your things
Do everything quietly, come on, bitch, faster
No, we won't bastard with you
You guessed it, yes, it's a gang shield

[Chorus]:
I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto

I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto

About the song KIZARU - Too real for this

Kizaru presents his third full-length release of 11 tracks entitled "Back to the Future". Quote: "Hello everyone! I know how long you have been waiting for this, my third solo. I spent a lot of time and effort to create this. Thanks to all my people for their support and faith in me. Nothing else will be the same at least at least for me." Oleg further thanked the fan base around the world in English, translation: “Thank you to all my fans around the globe for their support and faith in me and my music. Without you, it would not have been possible to achieve this! Special thanks to all my producers: Yung Cortex, Reality Beats, Chaz Guapo, Kid Hazel." It is worth noting that this album contains only one feature with a member of Basta’s label - Smokey Mo, and Kizaru released his latest album “Lost Tapes” in early February of this year.

Additional Information

KIZARU lyrics - Too real for this.
Album "Back to the Future".
Release label: Haunted Family.
Author of the text: KIZARU|YVN KXX (Oleg Nechiporenko).
Cover author: Daler Khakimov.
September 20, 2018.

We bring models of behavior with a partner from childhood. To put it extremely simply, we can say that as a couple we reproduce the relationship that we have with our parents. Studying the attitude of children towards parents who beat them, abandoned them alone or humiliated them, American psychologist David P. Selani found that these children - contrary to what common sense would suggest - were very strongly attached to these parents. Why?

Origins of addiction

Communicating with the parent, the child gradually “introjects”, that is, absorbs and assimilates his ways of behavior, reactions, responses to different situations. If a parent consoles a child, the child will eventually learn to console himself. And he will stop needing a parent - or, at least, needing him so much.

Actually, this is how, step by step, children gain independence in order to eventually begin their separate adult lives and build equal relationships with other people.

People deprived of love will cling to anyone, without particularly caring about the human qualities of their partners

But what if the parent treats the child badly? The child will mistreat himself. Paradoxically, this binds him even more strongly to his parent. Without creating internal resources (due to lack of material), such a child will always be dependent on external ones.

“As adults, these previously loveless people are very likely to cling to anyone, without particularly caring about the humanity of their partners, because the fear of abandonment is too great,” the author writes.

But an adult, it seems, has a choice that a child does not. The child has no other family, so he cannot turn away from his bad parent. Whereas an adult can choose among many other people.

Alas, the possibility of choice for such a person is only an appearance. Because in order to choose, you need a selection criterion, an idea of what you want. But this idea is hopelessly distorted in an adult who grew up with insufficiently good parents.

Searching for love

The reason for returning to someone who treats us badly is not at all a thirst for suffering, but the result of a peculiar idea of \u200b\u200blove that developed in childhood.

The child knows nothing about how parents “should” treat children. He only knows how his parent treats him. And such an attitude becomes for him the standard of love.

Love received “free of charge” from a normally developed personality is not perceived as such, it seems something alien

“For a deprived child, love seems to be some complex combination of contradictory feelings, and not at all a direct feeling that a loving person accepts and appreciates you. On the contrary, love received “free of charge” from a normally developed person is not perceived as such, it seems to be something alien, having nothing in common with what “love” means in his mind, explains David P. Selani.

Even the worst parents occasionally show a sentimental interest in their children. And this “spoon of honey” inside the “barrel of ointment” turns out to be decisive.

It makes one reach out to the parent and at the same time makes the child perceive this mixture of sympathy and anger as “right honey.” Growing up, he does not find other relationships because he is not looking for them, he does not know how to recognize them.

Weak "I"

A child cannot abandon his parents. They are his source of life. Giving up on them is like giving up on life. But how can he bear the thought that anger and coldness await him? What's happening to him?

Firstly, he considers himself guilty and takes responsibility for the behavior of his parents. They are not bad, but “I am bad.” Similarly, women who have experienced violence explain that they themselves provoked the attack. Often the blaming partner helps them “create” a feeling of guilt - this is similar to parents telling their children that they are punishing them for their own good.

A suffering person flatly refuses to see reality and gets angry at anyone who dares to point it out.

Secondly, the child fantasizes and hopes that maybe today dad will come sober and mom will be affectionate. These thoughts are also very pleasant because at this time he perceives himself as “good”, as deserving of a kind attitude.

The child gets used to completing the image of the parent with the help of active imagination - but this work itself is hidden from his awareness; he performs it without even suspecting what he is doing.

As a result, he does not have a single, holistic idea of himself. He cannot answer the question “who am I?”, “what do I want?”

When he grows up, he needs a partner to fill in the gaps in his “I”. Therefore, such a strong, although harmful for both, connection is formed between him and his partner.

For the same reason, a suffering person flatly refuses to see reality and becomes angry with anyone who dares to point it out.

Therefore, adult children often come to their parents again and again, who refuse them support and affection, even if they live separately from them.

The path to change

Everyone who is faced with the task of separating from a partner needs to learn to be a “mother to oneself” - and a good, kind, comforting “mother.”

In the most successful therapeutic process, it can take three to five years to restore the destroyed self-image.

“A child, not deprived of the care and attention of his parents, is able to collect a large collection of positive memories, which in the future will allow him to explore the world around him without fear. The more inner confidence a child has accumulated, the more willing he will be to differentiate himself from his mother,” writes David Selani.

But where can someone who has been deprived of it get positive experience? This is a really difficult task.

The American psychologist points out that with the most successful therapeutic process, “it may take three to five years” to restore the patient’s destroyed self-image and teach her to confront the real offender and the horror of unloving that she experiences at the thought of separation.

He emphasizes that a woman needs to imprint within her consciousness the image of an accepting psychotherapist who does not judge her and tries to help her. In the future, she herself will be able to treat herself in this way.

If your girlfriend is being abused

It hurts us to see people close to us treated poorly. I want to help them. But for help to be effective, it is useful to take into account some features.

What to do?

Support. When a person is treated poorly, his self-esteem (especially unstable) suffers. Remind your friend of the good things you see in her, be it her appearance or her abilities. Be truthful. Talk only about what you really like.

Encourage. Those who are absorbed in their problems have their horizons narrowed. Sports or creative activities, walks and going to the movies - anything that expands the boundaries of daily experience and improves your mood will come in handy. Suggest, invite, keep company, approve if your friend has found entertainment for herself.

Help you find new friends. If you have the opportunity, introduce your friend to a variety of people, young and old, men and women, who will enjoy her company. This way she can see that many people can treat her well - without having to make a special effort.

Recommend contacting a specialist. Unfortunately, one’s own strength is often not enough to change a difficult situation. A social worker or psychologist can become a resource that will help solve the problem. Advise your friend where she could turn.

What not to do?

Don't denounce. It is useless to point out to a friend the shortcomings of her partner. She will suspect you of dishonesty or find another way to hide from knowledge that is unbearable for her. Do not criticize him or assent to him if she does it herself. Just listen calmly and let her know that you sympathize with her.

Don't be offended. Those who live in an atmosphere of violence become insecure and suspicious. Even those who seek to help them often attribute bad motives to victims of violence. If a friend suspects you of self-interest or bad intentions, do not be angry or offended. Try to gently dissuade her or simply tell her what you really think and feel.

Don't give in. Due to the psychological stress she is going through, your friend may be offended by your words or attack you as if you were trying to hurt her. Don't argue, just respond by saying how you feel about her.

Don't forget your interests. Those who have many of their own problems are not always sensitive enough to others. If you are busy at the moment, don’t expect your friend to figure it out on her own. And remember that you are not obligated to come to help at any time of the day. If you are not ready to communicate, say so openly and reschedule the conversation or meeting. It might sound something like this: “I understand that you have serious problems, and I want to hear your story. I can't talk right now, so let's move the conversation. Is it convenient for you tomorrow at two o’clock?”

A man may say: “I’m terribly overwhelmed at work; I recently experienced the breakup of a serious relationship, which was a big blow for me; my parents’ divorce left an indelible mark on my soul and brought a lot of new troubles; now I need to focus on my career; I’m not I can be in a relationship until things get better in my life; as soon as my situation improves, I will leave my wife, girlfriend, lousy job; I’m terribly busy.” It’s easier for us to jump out of a window than to say: “You’re not right for me.” We are one hundred percent sure that in this case you will kill us or yourself, or both of us, or, even worse, start crying and screaming. Even if we don't say it, we clearly show our attitude to you. Stop making excuses for us, our actions speak for themselves: we just don’t like you.

1. HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT MUCH SINCE HE WON'T ASK YOU OUT ON A DATE.

Because if he likes you, trust me, he will definitely make an appointment with you.

Excuse option: Maybe he doesn't want to ruin our friendship

I hate to tell you this, but this excuse doesn't hold water. Unfortunately, throughout human history, this excuse has never been used by those who really meant it. If we really care about a woman, we can't bring ourselves to stop - we want more. And please don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he is afraid of - and I say this with sincere sympathy for you - is to admit that he is not attracted to you at all.

Excuse option: He probably doesn't dare take the first step

You can hint to a man that you like him, but you shouldn't help him ask you out. I repeat again, dear ladies: the fact that you smile and playfully wink at him will be quite enough.

Excuse option: Maybe he doesn't want to rush things.

If a man really likes you, but there are deeply personal reasons why he doesn't want to rush things, he'll tell you immediately. He will not leave you in the dark because he needs confidence that you will not be disappointed and disappear from his life.

An excuse like “But he gave me his phone number.”

Don't let him use cheap tricks to get you to ask him out on a date. If a man is interested in you, he will take all the troubles upon himself. It sounds a little old-fashioned, but when a man likes a woman, he asks her out.

An excuse like “Perhaps he forgot about me.”

Rest assured, you've made an impression on him. Now leave everything as it is. If he likes you, he will remember you even after a tsunami, flood or defeat of the Russian national team in the next match. If he has forgotten about you, you should not waste time on him. Do you know why? Because you are great.

Any excuse essentially means that you are of little interest to him. Men are not afraid to “ruin friendships.”
Don't fall for his tricks and don't ask him out. If he likes you, he will invite you himself.
If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will do it.
“Hey, let's meet at such and such a party / in some bar / at a friend's house” does not belong to the category of invitations for a date. Even if you live in New York.
The man remembers well whether he liked you when he met, so hang up.
You are good enough to be asked out.

2. HE DON'T LIKE YOU SO MUCH IF HE DON'T CALL YOU

Men know how to use the telephone.

An excuse like “But he’s on the road so often.”

Take note: a man who is interested in you wants to spend time with you. And he will be content with five phone calls only if he can’t catch the plane to rush to you.

An excuse like “But his head is busy with completely different things.”

The most important question here is: “Is it normal if a man forgets to call me?” I answer: “No.” Unless he needs to rush someone to the hospital or someone stole his Ferrari. He should never forget that he promised to call you. If I really like you, I will never forget about you. Don't you expect the kind of guy who would rather forget about everything that happened in his life than forget about you?

An excuse like “He’s not saying what he really means.”

Here's the problem: at the end of a date or phone conversation, many men tell you what they think you'd like to hear. They think it's better than nothing. So if the guy you're dating doesn't call you despite all his promises, is it worth getting hung up on him? After all, you want a man who can at least keep his word.

An excuse like “But he’s very busy.”

Now I'm going to make an outrageous, harsh and categorical statement regarding the relationship between a man and a woman: the word "busy" is complete nonsense, usually used by asses. The word “busy” can destroy any relationship in one gulp. Being extremely “busy” may seem like a convincing excuse, but in reality this concept always hides a man who was not interested in calling you. Remember: men will always have time to achieve what they want.

One hundred percent of the surveyed representatives of the stronger sex said: they will always find a minute to call a woman they really like.

If he doesn't call you, it means he doesn't think about you.
If he makes promises and then lets you down in small ways, rest assured that the same will happen when it comes to bigger things. Keep this in mind and keep in mind that this guy will have no problem disappointing you.
You should not build a relationship with someone who is unable to keep his word.
If he is unwilling to make the slightest effort to calm you down and smooth over the brewing conflicts in your relationship, then he simply does not respect your feelings and needs.
"Busy" is the same as "donkey". And "donkey" is the same as the guy you're dating.
You fucking deserve to be called.

3. HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU SO MUCH IF HE WON'T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE DATING

Spending time together does not mean dating

An excuse like “He just went through a painful breakup.”

He may be one of your closest friends, but as a man he's not that into you. Beware of the word "friend". It is often used by men or women who are in love with these men to justify their most disgusting behavior. When choosing friends, I prefer people who don't upset me.

The "But we're really dating" excuse.

Men, like women, strive to gain a sense of security and safety when they see a relationship becoming serious. One common way to achieve this is to claim your loved one. A man who is truly passionate about you will want you to be his. What's wrong with that, girls?

The "It's better than nothing" excuse.

Let me remind you: you want a man who wants you, calls you regularly and makes you feel like the sexiest and most desirable woman in the world. He longs to see you more and more often, because each time his feeling grows stronger, growing from sympathy into true love. A relationship in which you meet a man once every two weeks or once a month without feeling any love or sympathy from him can last a day, or a week, or a month. But can they last a lifetime?

One hundred percent of men surveyed said that fear of a serious relationship has never stopped them from starting a new romance. One young man even remarked: “The fear of a serious relationship is one of the myths of the big city.” And another guy said, "That's what we tell girls we don't really like."

Men talk about their feelings, even if you refuse to listen or don't believe their confessions. “I’m not ready for a serious relationship” means “I’m not ready for a serious relationship with you” or “I’m not sure that you are the woman I need.” (I am sorry.)
“Better than nothing” should not suit you.
If you don't understand what's going on in your relationship, then there's nothing wrong with slowing down and asking him a few questions.
Smells of uncertainty? Don't expect anything good.
There is one guy in the world who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Stop fooling around and go find him.

4. HE DON'T LIKE YOU THAT MUCH IF HE DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU

If a man likes a woman, he always wants to touch her.

Dear ladies, you have already met and will continue to meet a great many men. I hate to tell you this, but some of these men will simply decide that you are not their type. And none of those men who don't like you will ever tell you about it. And he will say that... he is afraid, worried, exhausted from fatigue, experiencing pain from a broken leg, suffering from a cold, afraid (again). But the truth, simple, cruel and bitter, is clear as daylight: he is not attracted to you, and he does not want to hurt you.

An excuse like "He's afraid he'll get hurt again."

Is he afraid? Yes, he is afraid of offending you. That's why he didn't clarify the situation with your relationship. He may even be trying to make himself feel something for you by talking about how much he loves you and how he doesn't want to lose you, but might as well sign your name in your diary. He loves you as a friend. If he loved you as a woman, he would not be able to control himself and would have a whirlwind affair with you, despite all his fears and unpleasant memories.

The "I drive him so crazy that he doesn't show any interest" excuse.

Of course, many people have suffered in the past and now fear serious relationships. But you know what? If a man really likes you, nothing will stop him from pursuing you, not even the fear of a serious relationship. If he really has big problems about this, he may go for pointless treatment, but he will never keep you in the dark.

The "But it's so cool" excuse.

It used to be that a woman refused to have sex when she wanted to gain power over a man. It seems that representatives of the stronger sex have also learned to use this. If a guy is lying on the couch with you, happily eating cookies and watching a movie (and is not gay), then he simply is not attracted to you.

An excuse like “He finds a bunch of explanations for everything.”

You can believe his excuses if you want, but ask yourself a few questions first. Are you satisfied with this kind of relationship? The most important thing here is do you want to feel this way, possibly for the rest of your life? Sex is also one of the greatest pleasures a person can experience. Therefore, it is at least strange when the person you are dating prevents you from having this pleasure.

People talk about who they really are all the time. If a man tells you that monogamy is not for him, then there is no reason not to believe him.
Communication is wonderful. But if communication is combined with sex, that’s even better. Call a spade a spade, or rather, call a friend a friend. And find yourself a friend who can't resist touching you.
If you have low self-esteem, then you will have to spend more time improving it than looking for a new boyfriend. So prioritize according to your needs.
If you are tempted by the thought of a thousand and one nights spent in the arms (and only) of some man, then get yourself a puppy.
Hot thing, there's a man walking around somewhere who really wants to make love to you.

5. HE DON'T LIKE YOU SO MUCH IF HE'S SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN

There is no truly convincing excuse for cheating

Whatever problems plague your relationship, they do not give him the right to make love to another woman. Don't ask what is your fault. There is no need to take the blame on yourself. And if he tells you that it happened by accident, then remember: cheating is not accidental. This is not an accident like “I stumbled and was sucked into a swamp called Treason.” He planned and executed this, fully aware that it could end your relationship. Remember: if he sleeps with another woman without your permission and approval, then he is acting not just like a man who is not that interested in you, but like a man who is not interested in you at all.

The "He has no excuse and he knows it" excuse.

Cheating is bad. And the inability to explain why you cheated on a person is even worse. If one red flag isn't enough for you, how about two? Don't date men who don't know why they did something.

An excuse like “But I got fat.”

I am completely sure that you need to lose 90 kilograms from your worthless boyfriend, and not the twenty kilograms he talks about. He cheated on you and called you fat. How much humiliation can a person endure? If something in your relationship does not suit him, then he should talk about it with you, instead of seeking solace in the vagina of another woman. Plus, think about how he would react if you got pregnant, got older, or got a few wrinkles? Or if you dye your hair a color he doesn't like? Get rid of this loser immediately, or I will come to your house and throw him out.

An excuse like “He needs more sex than I do.”

There is no excuse for him to cheat on you. Dot. There are many ways to solve this fairly common problem, which arises due to differences in sexual appetite. As a rule, people start by having an open conversation about this topic, and everyone agrees to do everything in their power to make their partner satisfied. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to jump into bed with someone else!

The "But at least he knew her" excuse.

I’ll explain in other words: it doesn’t matter whether he loves you or not. He made it clear to you how he felt about your affair. He acted on his feelings and arranged everything so that he could be alone with another woman, kiss her, take off her clothes and do everything else that usually happens when two adults have sex. Can you continue to love him after this?

One hundred percent of the men surveyed reported that they had never made love to a woman by pure chance. (But many of them wanted to know how such an accident occurs and what needs to be done to take advantage of it.)

There is no excuse for cheating. Let me repeat: there is no excuse for cheating. Now say it yourself: there is no excuse for cheating.
The only thing you are responsible for when another person fails morally is your own feelings.
Treason is betrayal. It doesn’t matter who he cheated on you with and how many times it happened.
Each time it becomes easier to change. It is only difficult the first time when you experience remorse and guilt because you have not lived up to the trust of another person.
Cheaters are never happy. (Because they're all bastards.)
An unfaithful man first of all cheats on himself, since he cannot build a normal relationship with you.

6. HE DON'T LIKE YOU SO MUCH IF HE ONLY WANTS TO SEE YOU WHEN HE'S DRUNK

If he likes you, he will be eager to see you when his brain is not clouded by alcohol fumes. If your clown puts on a red nose every time it comes to intimacy, then this indicates that there are serious problems in your relationship.

An excuse like “But I like it when he’s drunk.”

If, sitting at a bar, he drunk says something like: “Baby, you’re so beautiful!” and at the same time hugs you a little tighter than he should, then it’s high time you learned something: you can’t believe everything a man says when he’s drunk. And listen to the ex-bad guy: "bad boys" are called bad because they have a lot of troubles, have no self-esteem, and also they absolutely do not believe in sincere love relationships, but very often they dress cool and drive cool cars. wheelbarrows. Is this really what you need?

An excuse like “At least he doesn’t drink the strongest drinks.”

Don't be fooled. A guy who doesn't collapse and pee his pants from drinking shouldn't get away with quietly turning his brain off in a different, easier way every time you're together. It's still intoxication, it's still a desire to avoid responsibility, and it's still not very good for you.

His words mean nothing if he said them while drunk. "I love you" or the like, said under the influence of any drink stronger than grape juice, has no force in court or in real life.
Drinking alcohol and drugs is not the way to a person’s deepest feelings. Otherwise, people wouldn't break empty beer bottles over their heads and try to touch the flames of a fire to see if they would feel anything or not.
If he wants to see you, communicate with you, have sex with you only when he is drunk, this is not love, this is sport.
Bad guys aren't called bad for nothing.
You deserve a man who doesn't have to pump himself up to spend time with you.

7. HE DON'T LIKE YOU SO MUCH IF HE DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU

Love cures commitment sickness.

Each of your ex-men who told you that they don’t want to get married, or don’t believe in marriage, or have doubts about marriage, will certainly tie the knot someday. Not with you. Because he’s not saying that he doesn’t want to get married at all. He says that he doesn't want to marry you.

An excuse like “Everything is very complicated now.”

If you focus on the state of your finances when choosing a time for your wedding, this favorable period will never come. If your boyfriend uses lack of money as an excuse not to marry you, then it is your relationship that is at risk, not his bank account.

An excuse like, “But that’s just the way he is.”

If you have to sit and think about how to start a conversation about marriage with a person with whom you have been in a close relationship for quite some time, then this is an alarming sign. Immediately call him for a frank conversation and sort things out. Then, as soon as you are ready, go find someone who will be all about how you feel.

The dilemma of "Is this really an excuse not to get married?"

Marriage is a tradition that we inherited from previous generations, which is why marriage has so many opponents. So be it: if a man is categorically against marriage, and you are both for it, then please make sure that behind his reluctance to marry lies only a dislike for the very institution of marriage, and not any other feelings or lack thereof.

The "I'm just not ready yet" excuse.

I hate to tell you this, but he doesn’t want to rush for just one reason: he’s still not sure that you’re the one.

An excuse like “He’s seen enough other failed marriages.”

For a worthy man, meeting a woman with whom he wants to share his life always becomes a real event. And, probably, if he understands that this is exactly the woman, he will not immediately tell her that the very thought of registering their relationship disgusts him.

One hundred percent of the men surveyed admitted that they would undoubtedly propose marriage to a woman if they were completely sure that she was the love of their life. One representative of the stronger sex said: “What kind of idiot do you have to be not to marry the woman you love?”

“He doesn’t want to marry” and “He doesn’t want to marry me” are two different things. Make sure that you correctly determine which category your chosen one belongs to.
If you have opposing views on marriage, there will likely be other issues that will lead to disagreements. It's time to make a problem list.
If nothing changes in your relationship, then what are you waiting for?
Somewhere on earth there is a man walking who wants to marry you.

8. HE WILL NOT LIKE YOU SO MUCH IF HE LEAVES YOU

"I don't want to be with you" still means exactly that.

The "He needs me" excuse.

Don't be satisfied that he's bored without you. He should be bored. You are so unique. And yet he was and remains the person who abandoned you. Remember, there is only one reason why he might miss you when he remembers you: he thinks that he doesn't want to spend this day with you.

An excuse like “It’s much easier after this decision.”

If he dates you, asks you out, dumps you and continues to sleep with you, that essentially absolves him of any responsibility for your feelings for him. There is one thing that a young man will never do if he cannot imagine his life without you: he will never leave you. The only way for you to know if you love yourself is to get rid of him, and get rid of him as quickly as possible.

The “But everyone does it” excuse.

Stop holding on to his dick, get dressed and quickly go home to your best friend. And don't look for an excuse to stay with him. And don’t think that all this crazy passion will inevitably lead to you getting together again. Oh yeah, sex after a breakup is not bad at all, because it's great to sleep with someone you know. It's also great to sleep with someone you have strong feelings for. This combination is what makes sex after a breakup so vibrant. But now you know that because of this, real confusion arises in your head and you begin to feel terrible. Let's face it: you are a woman, and women don't know how to separate love and sex. And don't make the same mistakes again. Got it? He doesn't like you that much. He much prefers a very bad idea that masquerades as a very good idea, namely sex after a breakup. Like this.

An excuse like “But then he wants to go back.”

Unfortunately, after you break up, your boyfriend starts looking for something better. And when he fails, he is overcome by loneliness and returns “home.” It's not like he likes you very much. He just really doesn't like being alone.

An excuse like “I refuse to accept the fact that he left me.”

I'm sorry he left you. By trying again and again to win him back, you make your ex-boyfriend think: “What did I even see in this psychotic bitch?” Remember one simple tip, ladies: always be on top. Never go crazy. Well, well, in fact, this is not even one, but two tips. But trust me, you will never regret listening to them. At least this will save you from unpleasant memories of how you cut his clothes into pieces or threw out all the photos of him.

You won't be able to prevent a breakup by talking. Discussions won't help here. The termination of relations is a final decision and cannot be appealed.
Having sex after a breakup doesn't mean you're back together.
Stop communicating with him. Let him miss you.
You don't need to remind him how great you are.
He can take care of his cat himself.
A “gorgeous woman” will never torment his answering machine.
Somewhere there is a young man waiting for you who will be just happy that you didn’t get back together with your terribly nasty ex-boyfriend.

9. HE WILL NOT LIKE YOU SO MUCH IF HE JUST UP AND DISAPPEARED

Sometimes you have to put an end to it yourself.

Well, everything is very clear here. He made it clear to you that you were so not his type that he didn’t even bother to leave you any news about himself. The only thing you should take away from this love story is the fact that he decided to leave you. And he didn’t have the courage to tell you this, looking him in the eye. Case is closed.

The "Maybe he died" excuse.

There is nothing worse than not receiving a response from your loved one. But the trouble is that the lack of an answer is the answer for you. He may not have written a goodbye letter, but his silence says more clearly: “I don’t like you.” The only reason why you should write to him again is the desire to receive an explicit refusal, now in verbal form. Have you forgotten? You are too busy with your fans and you don't have time for such nonsense.

An excuse like “So what, it turns out I can’t even quarrel with him one last time?”

At first, it may seem that you will feel better if you call him and start a scandal. You may feel like you let him get away with it. But believe me, nothing you want to tell him will be a revelation to him. And you already have something to spend your time on.

The "But I just want an answer" excuse.

Do you deserve to know what really happened? Without a doubt. I can tell you what happened: you dated a terrible person. The easiest way to correct this mistake is to draw certain conclusions for yourself, move on with your life and continue to be more selective in choosing a partner. Do all this quickly without wasting a minute of your precious time.

One hundred percent of men surveyed who "disappeared" from a woman's sight said they were fully aware that they had done something terrible, and no amount of phone calls or late conversations would change their mind.

He may indeed be in the hospital suffering from amnesia, but more likely, he's just not that into you.
The lack of an answer is his answer to you.
Don't give him the opportunity to reject you again.
Let his mother make scandals for him. And you're too busy for that.
There is no mystery here: he simply left your life, and he was unworthy of you.

10. HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU SO MUCH IF HE'S MARRIED (this also includes all the other, most incredible reasons why he can't be with you)

If you cannot love each other freely and openly, then it is not true love. No matter how strong and sincere your feelings for another person are, if he cannot respond to them honestly and fully, that is, with mutual love, these feelings mean nothing.

An excuse like “But his wife is such a bitch!”

No matter how unhappy his marriage was and no matter how badly his wife treated him, it was definitely not that bad, otherwise he would have left her long ago. Sincere love relationships do not deserve to be hidden. Find yourself a man who won't hide his feelings.

An excuse like “But he’s such a good person.”

Please don't try to ignore this fact. He is married to another woman. I know you are not like everyone else, and in your case everything is different, but the fact remains: he is married. If in your entire life you are ready to stop at a red light only once, then this is exactly the case. It's just that the stakes are too high for everyone who plays this game.

The "I just have to wait" excuse.

If at a certain stage in the development of the relationship there is talk of “waiting for him,” this is an alarming signal. He is not a stock in which you are going to invest money. He is a man whose heart must be open enough for him to be ready to meet you and fall madly in love with you. If someone really likes you, he will quickly solve all his problems and make a lot of efforts not to lose you.

He is married.
If he doesn't belong to you entirely, then he belongs to her.
There are a lot of cool and gentle single men in the world. Try to meet one of them.
If a man screams and curses at his ex-wife or mourns his previous girlfriend, go to the movies with someone else.
He is married.
There is no need to join the ranks of those same women.
You are not so easy to forget. Let him find you himself when he is ready for a new relationship.

11. HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU SO MUCH IF HE BEHAVILS LIKE A SELF-LOVING SELFISH, A BRAUGGER, OR JUST A BIG ASSHOLE

If he really loves you, he will try his best to make you happy.

An excuse like “But he really wants to improve.”

Loving people try to treat each other well and even take pleasure in showing tenderness and care to their loved ones. If your partner is very bad at this, then in the end you will reap the same benefits as in the situation called “He doesn’t like you that much.”

An excuse like “But that’s just the way he was raised.”

It's not necessary for him to go crazy over your CD collection. He doesn't have to like all your shoes. But any full-fledged and prudent man simply must make an effort and love your friends and your family, especially if they are all such wonderful people.

An excuse like “But he will change.”

Temper is not a temporary problem. People who yell at others simply do not know how to control themselves and need psychiatric help. People who yell at others think they have a right to do so. Hey, beauty, do you really want to create such a family?

An excuse like “After all, what is important is what happens between us in private.”

Why be with a person who needs to humiliate you in order to feel superior? Especially in front of friends! Why should you care if he treats you better when you're alone? After all, he is just waiting to bring you into the public eye in order to humiliate you. Drop him! Go to college and write a thesis on the topic: “How to find a man whom you are not ashamed to show to your friends.”

The "But he's just trying to help" excuse.

It is not only behavior when a man beats a woman that is called offensive. Behavior that can and should also be considered offensive is when a man yells at a woman, publicly humiliates her, or reminds her that she is too fat, thereby making her feel unattractive. It is very difficult to believe that you deserve true love when someone is trying their best to convince you that you are not worthy of anything in this life. But, as I see, all the exhortations to break up with him still have no effect on you. So first, just realize: you are too good for such a relationship.

An excuse like “He just hasn’t found himself yet.”

An excuse like "Maybe it's one of his little quirks!"

You'll likely encounter men who don't like hugging, kissing, or having sex. You will spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to deal with this and whether you caused this behavior. Or you will simply come to the conclusion that these people do not like to do what you believe is an integral part of a fulfilling life, and you will go in search of someone who shares your views.

The joke goes something like this: “Hey, Björk called, she wants her dress back.” And the insult is like this: “God, you’re so fed up!” But the most important thing is to understand what you need. You all definitely deserve better treatment!

One hundred percent of men surveyed said they had never tried to humiliate or upset a woman they really liked. And this is the most important thing.

You shouldn’t complicate an already difficult life by sharing it with a person who gives you a lot of trouble.
You deserve a man who will behave with you appropriately in any situation. (Don't forget that you should treat him well too.)
There is no reason to yell at another person unless they are in mortal danger.
Assholes belong in the circus, not in your apartment.
You already have one butt, why do you need a second one?
By getting rid of useless people, you will have a lot of free time that you can spend on what gives you pleasure.
Believe in yourself. How could it be otherwise?

13. SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

Here you ask: “What if there is no next novel at all?” And we will answer: “Send these terrible thoughts on a long voyage on a ship that will certainly sink, because it is destined to crash on the reefs of the Island of Sorrows. And we do not want you to be on this ship.”

YOUR NEW REQUIREMENTS:

I will not date a person who does not ask me out on dates.
I will not date a person who makes me wait for hours for his call.
I will not date a person who is not sure that he wants to date me.
I will not date someone who makes me feel sexually unattractive.
I won't date someone who abuses alcohol or drugs, so this makes me uncomfortable.
I will not date a person who is afraid to make plans for the future with me.
Under no circumstances will I waste time on a person who has already rejected me once.
I will not date a married man.
I will not date a man unless he is truly a kind, sincere and gentle person.

Now it's your turn. Only you know what other demands you want to make of your future chosen one. Write them all down. And don't forget about them.

Friend

What it should mean is, “I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you.”

Busy

What it should mean is, “Today was my inauguration as President of the United States.”
In some cases, this means: "I just don't like you that much."

Bad guy

What it should mean is, "A guy to stay away from."
In some cases, this means: "A guy to stay away from."

I am not ready

What it should mean is, "I can't find my pants."
In some cases, this means: "I just don't like you that much."

Call me

What it should mean is, “I accidentally dropped my cell phone off a cliff into the ocean.”
In some cases, this means: I just don't like you that much.

I don't like your family

It should mean this: I don't want to date your mother.
In some cases, this means: "I just don't like you that much."

I'm afraid of intimacy

What it should mean is, "I'm really, really afraid of intimacy."
In some cases, this means: "I just don't like you that much."

And you will be happy!

The post is based on the book by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo “He Just Doesn’t Like You. The Whole Truth About Men.”

We have all asked ourselves and others the question: “What is love?” This feeling? Action? Or maybe something that cannot be determined at all?

Well, famous Buddhist guru Thich Nhat Hanh offers a look at love from a completely new perspective. As he argues, love is simply a way of being.

In one of his sermons, Thich Nhat Hanh says that the path of love is one of the most difficult paths that any person can take, but the reward that can be found on it is incomparable to all others.

At the heart of Nhat Hanh's teachings is the idea that “understanding is the second name of love.” In other words, to love someone is to fully understand his or her suffering. Siddhartha Gautama himself told his disciples that understanding is what all people in our world need.

However, when we get stuck in the routine of everyday life, it becomes difficult for us to fully realize this. Thich Nhat Hanh explains this brilliantly with an apt metaphor:

“If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water will become so salty that it will be undrinkable. However, if you pour the same handful of salt into the river, people will still take water from it for drinking, washing and cooking, without even noticing the difference. The river is huge, and it has the ability to receive, accept and change. When our heart is too small, our understanding and empathy are equally limited, and we suffer because of it. We fail to accept or tolerate those around us and we demand that they change. But when our heart becomes larger, the same things no longer cause us suffering. We become more understanding and compassionate, and instead of judging others, we embrace them. We accept those around us as they are, and then they have the opportunity to change.”

Here's the question we really have to ask ourselves: How do we truly want to understand each other's suffering? Thich Nhat Hanh says that true understanding begins with one's own happiness:

“When we nurture and support our own happiness, we nurture our own capacity to love. That is why in order to love, we must learn the art of cultivating our happiness. Understanding another person's suffering is the best gift you can give them. Understanding is the second name of love. If you don't understand, you can't love."

Yet Thich Nhat Hanh believes that the dynamic interactions of love also need to be learned:

“If our parents did not love and understand each other, how would we then know what true love looks like? ... The best legacy that parents can leave to their children is their own happiness. Parents can leave us an inheritance of money, houses and apartments, land, companies and jewelry, but at the same time be unhappy people. If our parents are happy, we have already received the richest inheritance in the world.”