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- (Carnegie) Carnegie Dale (1888 1955) American educator, psychologist, writer. Aphorisms, quotes Carnegie Dale (Carnegie) biography. The expression on a woman's face is much more important than her clothes. There is only one way in the world to win...
Carnegie Dale (Carnegie) biography. Carnegie Dale (Carnegie, Dale) (1888 1955) Carnegie Dale (Carnegie) Biography American educator, psychologist, writer. Dale Carnegie was born November 24, 1888 on a Maryville farm in Missouri. The family lived in a big... ... Consolidated encyclopedia of aphorisms
Colonel, commander of the Vyatka infantry regiment, the main figure in the Decembrist conspiracy; born in Moscow on June 24, 1793, executed in St. Petersburg on July 13, 1826. Until the age of 12, P. was brought up in the house of his father Ivan Borisovich (see), from 1805, in ... Large biographical encyclopedia
To fall in love, to fall in love, to look at, to like, to please (to the soul, to the thought, to the liking, to the gut, to the heart), to enter (sneak in, rub in) into favor. I like it, it pleases me (anything, pleases me), it makes me happy, I love it, I admire it... ... Synonym dictionary
Dwight David Eisenhower- (Dwight David Eisenhower) Biography of David Eisenhower, career and achievements Biography of David Eisenhower, career and achievements, personal life Contents Contents Definition Biography World War I Military career World War II Overlord ... Investor Encyclopedia
Alexey Smirnov ... Wikipedia
Wikipedia has articles about other people named Elena Pavlovna (Grand Duchess). Elena Pavlovna ... Wikipedia
Grand Duchess, public figure Date of birth: December 24 (January 6) 1806 ... Wikipedia
Books
- How to win people over, Carnegie Dale. There are people who attract you as if with a magnet. They are so charming and cheerful that they don’t need to ask anyone for anything - everyone is happy to offer them help. They…
- How to win people over, Dale Carnegie. Agree, there are people who attract you like a magnet. They are always surrounded by friends and colleagues. It is easy and pleasant to communicate with them. They achieve success in their careers and personal...
These techniques will help improve communication in any situation.
We are all interested in the opinions of others. We want to be loved (although in the rebellious 15 years no one will admit it). How to achieve this? Everything is obvious: you need to be a good person - decent and attentive to others. It's clear. However, there are other qualities that affect how we will be perceived.
Most of the tips below are simple techniques that are easy to implement in your daily life. At first glance, some rules may seem stupid, but if you try to stick to them, you will notice that people treat you better.
1. Use first names
Let's face it - we're all narcissists and we love the sound of our name. Remember the names of those you communicate with and always use them in conversation. This is a classic and time-tested technique from Dale Carnegie's famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
2. Smile sincerely
We live in the era of digital technologies, which are increasingly replacing face-to-face communication, but we are still people, which means we are social creatures. Feedback and live reactions from others are important to us.
When we see someone sincerely smiling at us, we are filled with happiness. Plenty of research shows that emotions, both positive and negative, are contagious. If your good attitude makes a person happier, then he will treat you better.
3. Listen (and not just with your ears)
People love to be listened to. This is an obvious truth. For starters, you can put your phone down during lunch with friends, but, of course, our advice comes down to more than that. To show that you are listening to the person, you can use body language: you should turn to the interlocutor or mirror his posture and gestures, and also establish eye contact (this is very important). Don’t forget about the verbal reaction (our next tip is about this).
4. React to your interlocutor’s statements
Most psychology books call this technique “active listening.” The point is to speak out loud some of the interlocutor’s remarks. For example:
- Max: Last weekend I went to a beer tasting - there were hundreds of different varieties from different parts of the country.
- You: So you tried a bunch of different new varieties?
- Max: Yes, it was great. My favorite was Pretty Things Magnifico.
- You: Magnifico was the best?
- Max: Yes, very tasty.
Even if such a dialogue looks a little strange in recorded form, but spoken it sounds quite natural, and the interlocutor begins to treat you better, because he feels that you are listening to him attentively. Besides, when someone repeats our words, it pleases our ego.
5. Recall previous conversation
We discussed that it is very important to show the person that you are really listening to them. To show interest, recall the content of the previous conversation. Did a colleague talk about his son's science project last week? Ask how the demo experience went. Did your friend tell you that she's going to paint her kitchen a new color this weekend? On Monday, don't forget to ask if she liked the result. It is not necessary to return to some fateful events. When you remember the little things, it shows much better that you are interested in the other person's life.
6. Give sincere compliments and praise to others.
And again remember Carnegie: people crave recognition. Let this not be empty flattery - most of us feel it very well, and no one likes a sucker. But people like genuine appreciation and are happy when their efforts are appreciated.
Also, don't be shy about praising people for their accomplishments. If the interlocutor did an excellent job, do not forget to note this - and he will not forget about it either.
7. Criticize tactfully
It is important to be able not only to praise people, but also to criticize them correctly. We have sensitive egos, and judgment, even occasional judgment, can hurt our pride. Of course, sometimes it is necessary to point out that something is going wrong, but criticism should always be deliberate and careful, and have a specific purpose. If someone has made a mistake, never reprimand them publicly. Be gentle. You can use the “sandwich tactic”: praise - criticism - praise. For example:
“Yesterday you sent me a news template - great job. But in the last report there were several errors in the numbers, do not forget to double-check them. By the way, that great material that you published on Facebook is simply excellent, it really hooked the audience.”
Of course, you can also say this:
“There are several errors in the figures in your latest report.”
But the reaction in this case will be completely different.
In any case, if a person apologizes and promises to be more attentive, you should not continue to put pressure on him. Tell him not to worry and that you are confident that he will make things right, then move on to the next topic. The fewer charges, the better.
You can also start with your own mistakes, and only then move on to others. Remember that your goal is to minimize criticism and give out just the right amount of it.
8. Avoid giving directions - ask questions
Nobody likes to be told what to do. What to do if an employee needs to be given a task? You can make your request in the form of a question. The result will be the same, but the attitude towards you will be different.
Most people say this:
“This report should be on my desk this evening.”
And you try to reformulate this phrase into a question:
“Do you think it will be possible to finish the report today? It would help me out a lot."
The essence is the same, but what a difference in approach!
9. Don't be a robot
People love sincerity. The classic approach to business involves communicating from the position of an alpha male: shoulders back, chin up, a strong handshake. But in this case, it’s easy to get out of the image, and then it will become clear that this is not your real face.
It is better to try to act confidently but respectfully. According to some experts, if you need to get someone to cooperate, lean forward a little when greeting them. As a result, your new acquaintance will have a higher opinion of you.
10. Learn to tell stories
People love a good story, so the skills of a skilled storyteller will never be superfluous. The ability to develop a narrative is an art form that requires mastery of language and rhythm. Become a good speaker and people will listen to you with pleasure.
11. Use touch
This is a rather complex topic. Obviously, you can't touch people randomly. But we must take into account that the skillful use of touch can endear a person to us. For example, when finishing a meeting and shaking the other person's hand with your right hand, you can lightly touch his forearm with your left. However, if you feel that this technique is not for you, that’s okay.
Oddly enough, asking people for advice is a great way to win them over. This shows that you value and respect the other person's opinion. When you let a person know that his advice is important to you, he will respond with sympathy.
13. Avoid clichés
Let's face it - no one likes boring people. They are not interesting. We appreciate the unusual, the unique, and sometimes even the weird.
There are situations in which avoiding clichés is especially important, such as during a job interview. When saying goodbye, don’t say: “It was nice to meet you.” Add at least some zest: “I had a really nice time” or “It was so cool to learn how things work here.” No need to reinvent the wheel - just be yourself.
14. Ask questions
Ask people questions. About everything: about their life, their interests and hobbies. This is a surefire way to score a few extra points. People are self-centered - they love to talk about themselves. By asking questions, we get people to tell us what they're thinking, and they end up treating us better. Even if the overall content of the conversation does not show you on the good side, you will be grateful simply for the opportunity to stroke your pride.
The ability to please is an art like any other, it’s just a pity that it is not taught in educational institutions. In fact, someone who knows how to win someone over will be more successful than someone who has more talent but no communication skills. If you hold a leadership position, work as a teacher, teacher, salesperson, or journalist, then you simply must understand how to win people over.
Ask a provocative or unexpected question
Perhaps even off topic. This will help get even the most closed person talking. There is a well-known example of a journalist who went to an interview with a physicist who had previously worked at a classified facility. Traditionally, such people are not particularly talkative. And the journalist began the conversation with a completely unexpected question: why are atoms always depicted as round and not, for example, triangular? The physicist also became thoughtful, and then a very interesting conversation ensued.
Let's talk about ourselves
Sincerity and spontaneity will help to win over a person when communicating faster than all the skills and methods of manipulation combined. If it seems to you that the interlocutor is not very cooperative, start with a conversation on an unrelated topic and tell him about what worries you right now. This will create space for communication.
Mirror
You yourself are the person closest to you. The person closest to your interlocutor is himself. That is why, in order for a person to open up and trust you, you can try to become like him. Copy his movements and speech. If a person stands up during a conversation and walks around the room, you can also stand up, but if he knocks on the table with a pen, you can tap the same table with your finger. It shouldn't look comical, but it should be.
The same applies to the voice and rate of speech, intonation. Let them be similar for you. If the person is sitting, it is good if your face is at the same level as the face of the person with whom you are talking. You can also change your voice. A lower voice and smooth speech inspires much more confidence.
Feel free to challenge
Don't try to please the person. Let him better strive to please you. This will only enliven the conversation. Thus, one graduate student, while defending his dissertation, asked his opponents to ask him tougher questions. As a result, opponents tried not so much to overwhelm the young man as to come up with interesting questions. Thus, the graduate student turned his opponents into objects of his own assessment. Many people are used to babbling, but slow speech inspires much more confidence. So, speak slowly.
Show interest in the topic
Have you ever noticed that if someone finds a person with the same hobby and the same interests as himself, he considers him almost a relative? Take this feature into account. Ask the person to explain the most important points, repeat what they think is most important, etc. If the interlocutor is too arrogant, do not admit that you have little understanding of the topic. Better ask again. Even if you are very far from the topic, try to find something “for yourself” in it. This makes you related.
Give appropriate compliments
It is absolutely necessary to increase the self-esteem of your interlocutor. To say after five minutes of meeting him that he is the smartest person in the world is not worth it and is generally ridiculous. But you definitely need to notice something interesting and appreciate it. In order to learn to notice and give compliments, practice on the street, on public transport, in stores. Our people are not used to unexpected compliments, but it is interesting to watch the reaction. However, if a person is arrogant, real flattery will be appropriate.
The importance of the interlocutor can be increased in another way. Be sure to say that what the person says is very interesting, write down the main points and repeat the most significant phrases.
Also see:
Choosing an individual communication style
In any case, remember to always call the person by name. The secret is that people can ignore a lot of things, but not their own name. Find out the name, and then, during a conversation, say it at least three times. This simple trick works wonders. The same rule is relevant when communicating by phone, as well as when corresponding by email and on social networks.
Share your feelings and tell us about your reaction
If you are interested and have positive emotions, then share them without regret. And if they are negative, it is better to talk about them as an observation and from the point of view of an observer.
Smile
Classics like the manipulator Dale Carnegie wrote about this secret, and contemporaries - authors of the 21st century - also write about it. But keep in mind that they did not mean a Hollywood grin, but a real and sincere smile. Still, a person with a smile on his face evokes more sympathy than a gloomy one with an angry face.
For a real smile, remember those you love, something sweet or just a happy moment in life - and smile...
Ask the right questions
It is better to start any question with the phrase “Tell me.” This will allow you to give a detailed answer, which can turn into a heart-to-heart conversation. Don’t forget that the more a person speaks himself, the more sympathy he feels for you.
Relax
A tense person is not very conducive to communication. Therefore, before an important conversation with a stranger, you can meditate or simply take a dozen deep breaths.
Think about something pleasant too. This will change your facial expression, communication style, and gaze for the better.
Follow your interlocutor
Behind the facial expressions of the interlocutor, behind his plasticity. And not only in order to mirror, but also to understand what thoughts are hidden behind his words. This way, you will better understand all the nuances of your interlocutor’s speech and be able to understand when the conversation has turned in a direction that is not suitable for you. It is equally important to monitor all the person’s gestures and facial expressions: this will make it easier for you to understand where he is lying.
And most importantly, never lose self-confidence, positivity and optimism. Positive people are easy to communicate with and always inspire confidence.
The need for communication is in no way inferior to the need for food or sleep, because man is a social being. True, starting a conversation, finding friends or at least good comrades who are close in spirit and views is not an easy task, especially for modest or reserved individuals.
The ability to win over a person, unfortunately, is not given to everyone from birth; he needs to learn or develop in the same way as, for example, the ability to draw, read or swim. Sociable and sociable people make relationships much easier, find friends, work and move up the career ladder faster; many things come easier for them, and sometimes even unnoticed.
How can you learn to win people over? You can find many books on this topic, read an impressive number of articles and, on a theoretical basis, turn into a real ace! But in practice, for some reason, everything turns out to be more difficult: it is not always possible to apply advice from books, and very often this is due to psychological stress.
A person who is accustomed to experiencing some discomfort in society is not always able to relax: it is tension that prevents you from looking at the situation sensibly and understanding how to win over your interlocutor.
Therefore, start by learning to relax in society: you can take a few deep breaths before an important conversation, use meditation, or simply count to 10, while relaxing every cell of your body. Believe me, after this the conversation will go completely differently.
Rules for a successful conversation
So, you know that you have a serious conversation or event coming up - perhaps it’s an interview, starting a new job, meeting someone else’s team, or a date. In addition, you understand perfectly well that you are experiencing some difficulties in communication and communication; perhaps they have already played against you more than once.
It's time to change your life and learn to win over others, because your future depends on it! But how to do that? Especially for this, we have prepared a list of important psychological techniques and tips that can help out in difficult situations, as well as set the conversation on the right wavelength.
Smile at yourself and others. The psychology of communication is a complex science, however, it often talks about incredibly simple and, at first glance, trivial things that we, nevertheless, often miss.
This also applies to a smile - a simple and effective way to win someone over. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to smile all the time; a fleeting emotion is enough, which will already work in your favor.
Scientists even conducted a series of tests, during which they found that smiling people are more likely to inspire trust among others, they are much more likely to win over their interlocutor, even a complete stranger. Of course, the effect will be much greater if the smile is sincere, which, unfortunately, is not always easy.
But psychologists here also expressed their opinion: even if your interlocutor understands that you are smiling, so to speak, through force, the effect will still be more positive than negative. The mere fact of smiling can put you in a positive mood and create a favorable environment for communication. You won’t even notice how a forced smile will turn into a real and sincere smile in just a few minutes.
Learn to listen. People, no matter how hard they try to deny it, really love attention to their own person; they are pleased when people are interested in their personality, ask questions and, most importantly, listen carefully to the answers to them. Unfortunately, very few of us can boast of such a skill: listening and hearing our interlocutor.
Often, while one of the conversation participants is telling something, the other begins to become immersed in his own thoughts, distracted by extraneous events and surrounding objects - a room window, a TV, decorative items, passing people, and so on.
It is very important to make it clear to the interlocutor that you are interested in what he is talking about: nod from time to time, affirmative “yeah” is also welcome, sometimes ask again and do not look away for a long time.
Be silent more. Rather than occupying all the space with empty chatter, in which it is difficult to find grains of meaning, it is better to replace it with silence. Try to learn to express your thoughts constructively, formulate sentences so that they are as informative as possible.
If you don’t know what to say, it’s better to remain silent or honestly express: “I don’t even know what to tell you (advise, answer).” Do not try to make the conversation as full of you as possible, do not interrupt your interlocutor in order to insert your valuable opinion after each of his phrases, give him the opportunity to speak out and only after that you can express your thoughts.
Disguise. If you really need to keep up the conversation and make your interlocutor like you (at work, at an interview), then remember an important rule - they like those who the person is similar to. Do not hesitate to study your interlocutor - his gestures, intonations, timbre, which can later be partially copied. The main thing is not to overdo it, so that it no longer looks like open deceit.
In addition, people are strongly united by involvement in some common cause or event. For example, often fellow countrymen, graduates of the same university or specialists of the same profession easily find a common language. Look carefully at the person; at first it may seem to you that you have nothing in common, but it is likely that this opinion is deceptive.
Be confident. Oddly enough, no one likes closed, insecure quiet people; it is much more pleasant to deal with a confident person, however, it is important to feel the line between confidence and narcissism. A calm, open look, clear and slightly slow speech, an appropriate smile and an amiable tone are the keys to a successful and productive conversation.
Everyone sooner or later thinks about how to learn to win people over. After all, without this knowledge it is very difficult to live in today’s society. Even if you don’t experience communication problems, it will also be useful for you to read this and learn something new for yourself. This means that these skills will be useful to absolutely everyone.
Asking for a favor. This technique is known as the effect named after the famous Benjamin Franklin. Somehow Benjamin needed to win the favor of one person, but that person did not like Franklin. Then he very carefully and politely turned to him with a request to lend him a book, which was quite rare. Having received it, he thanked him even more flatteringly, and so they became comrades. The whole secret is that the person who once did you a favor thinks that you will not refuse him with a counter offer, and therefore will be more willing to come to your aid next time. Ask for more than is required. To get what you want, it is enough to ask the person in the first request to do something a little more or even completely unrealistic. It is very likely that you will be rejected. Then you can ask for what you originally planned - the person will be so uncomfortable after the first refusal that he will respond more willingly to your second request. Saying a person's name in a conversation is the key to achieving results. Dale Carnegie, a famous American psychologist, proves that if you call a person by name when talking to him, this will significantly increase the chances of winning him over. After all, it’s very pleasant to hear your own name, and this helps you be more lenient towards your opponent. Flattery. It may seem that in this case it is obvious, but in reality it is not so simple. After all, if you flatter artificially, it will only bring harm, and there can be no talk of any good-natured disposition towards you. Cognitive balance, this is what determines everything - if flattery is directed towards a person with high self-esteem, then your words will only confirm his opinion about himself, and he will undoubtedly like it. But if flattery is expressed to a person with clearly low self-esteem, then this may cause a disagreement between your words and his opinion of himself, and you will move away from each other (but this does not mean that you should use criticism instead of flattery with such people). Mimicry, aka reflection. It often turns out that you yourself, without knowing it, repeat your manner of speech, behavior and even gestures. It’s no wonder that this can be achieved consciously. It has long been proven that people behave much more positively with a person who repeats their mannerisms, even if he does not make a special contribution to the conversation. Most likely, the same factors are manifested here as with the pronunciation of the opponent’s name; it is pleasant for a person to hear, and in our case, to see a similar manner. Using fatigue. A person’s fatigue makes him more trouble-free, because it affects not only the body, but also mental energy and its level. Therefore, if you turn to a person with a request at this moment, he will most likely agree, but say that he will do it tomorrow, for example. After all, today he will definitely not do anything, but tomorrow he will do what he promised. Having given their word, most people try to keep it, because otherwise they experience psychological inconvenience. Listen and analyze. Telling your interlocutor that he is wrong is not the best strategy for gaining favor. You need to act differently, namely, listen to the person, try to find out what he feels at that moment and why. This will give you the opportunity to see common features in your, at first glance, radically different expressions. First, you should pay attention to the general features of your statements, after which the interlocutor will listen to other points of view.By repeating and practicing all the methods listed above, you can significantly increase people's affection for you. Each method is individual and does not guarantee 100% results, but it’s definitely worth a try. You should not despair after an unsuccessful attempt, but rather wait for time and try one of the other methods.