Ways to manage your own emotions. Test your knowledge

The range of human emotions is wide and varied. Some of them are pleasant for us, others are depressing and do not have the best effect on our mood. But they are all capable of influencing our well-being in their own way. Therefore, it is very important to be able to control your own emotions, because, as the English proverb says, he who cannot control himself cannot control others. Moreover, in the modern world, filled with stress factors that the average city dweller encounters at every turn, it is simply vital to develop such a skill. How possible is this? AND how to manage your emotions?

What can emotions lead to?

Experts in the field of psychology and medicine have proven that indeed some types of human emotions can cause not only a strong and prolonged depressive state, but also lead to profound mental and physiological disorders. Thus, long-term strong negative emotions such as malice, irritation, anger, resentment provoke the development of cardiovascular diseases and diabetes. Therefore, it is very important to be able to properly control your emotional states, but not to restrain or suppress them, not to withdraw into them, but to “react.”

For example, a three-year-old boy is taught by his parents that crying is bad, that a man must be strong, a man has no right to cry and show weakness. As a result of this, the boy grows into a man who does not know how to find a common language with women, who all unanimously complain about his inability and unwillingness to demonstrate ordinary human emotions: to show tenderness, love, care. He would like to, but he cannot, because since childhood he has had a kind of “stop” - he cannot reveal his weakness. In addition, in many such cases, impotence and other sexual disorders may even develop.

Therefore, you need to be able to work with emotions correctly so as not to harm yourself to one degree or another.

How to properly manage emotions?

Firstly, no matter what color the emotion is, you need to recognize it and find the cause. It often happens that we are in a bad mood and as if we ourselves don’t know why. And all because bad memories are repressed on their own, such is the protective function of the psyche. But even if the cause is forgotten, the effect will unpleasantly remind itself for a long time. And if we add to this possible causeless worry and anxiety, neurosis may occur. Therefore, it is necessary to understand what provokes your bad mood; which causes negative emotions.
Emotions cannot be contained. This is the “golden rule” for working with both positive and negative emotions. The power of emotions lies in enormous energy, and if they are restrained, the energy will have no outlet, which is fraught with psychosomatic diseases, that is, diseases that, having a psychological cause, manifest themselves in a variety of somatic disorders. However, it is not always possible to show some kind of emotion, for example, if you were unfairly offended by your boss, then you cannot shout back at him. In this case, emotions need to be sublimated - find a more appropriate channel for their release, simply transfer their energy to some other matter. Sports, where there is an active release of energy, or lovemaking help here, but you can look for your own options.
We need to talk about emotions. Some people don't know how or are simply afraid to talk about their feelings. From here comes a lack of mutual understanding, and then a state of frustration, depression, neurosis, and thus a vicious circle emerges. Try to tell and explain to the person that his behavior or words caused you negativity. You'll see, sometimes words help too.
If, nevertheless, the situation is out of your control, they do not understand you, do not hear you and do not want to hear you, there is one rather effective technique left: you need to try to abstract yourself from the situation. It is really difficult to be philosophical about the situation when an enraged boss is vomiting and lashing out at work. But try to remember something good, something that brings back very pleasant memories for you. Plunge into these thoughts, feel them, return mentally to the time when these events occurred. There is another technique: imagine turning off the sound. That is, there is a picture, but there is no sound: accordingly, you hear nothing and nothing affects you.

By managing his emotions, a person rationally uses the energy that could be wasted or not for good, directing it to eliminate the cause that provoked an acute emotional reaction. It is important to move away from the problematic situation at the moment and rise above it. Of course, the problem will remain for now, but you will have time to think, gather your thoughts and strength to solve it. Remember Scarlett O'Hara's famous words: “I'll think about it tomorrow”? Take an example.

“If you hate, it means you have been defeated”
(c) Confucius

Do you agree that without emotions you would be bored?

Emotions make life rich and interesting. And, at the same time, they can destroy your psyche, health, destiny...

To prevent this from happening, you need understand, accept and manage their emotions.

This is confirmed by spiritual sources:

“You must strive for emotional harmony and tranquility within the illusory world of the higher fourth dimension as you attempt to adjust to the mental plane of the lower fifth dimensional environment.”

How achieve emotional harmony? Read the article and a lot will become clear to you.

What is the difference between emotions and feelings?

First, let's look at the concepts emotions and feelings, connections and differences between them.

Emotion- This impulsive reaction person to an event currently occurring. It is a short-term state and reflects the attitude towards the event. Comes from Lat. emovere - to excite, excite.

Feeling is an emotional experience that reflects steady attitude person to the surrounding world, significant people and objects. Feelings are not related to a specific situation.

Character- is the totality of human qualities that influence behavior and reactions in various life situations.

To summarize: emotions, as opposed to feelings, situational, this is a temporary experience of the immediate present moment. Simply put, we perceive the world around us with our senses and react to it with our emotions.

Let's consider this For example football fans during the match.

They were brought to the game by a feeling of love and interest in this sport (this is their constant state).

And during the match itself they experience short-term emotions: pleasure and admiration for the game, the joy of victory or disappointment in defeat.

As a rule, we feel Soul, but we express our beliefs with emotions.

Also, through emotions they manifest themselves our feelings(joy at the sight of a loved one, anger at the sight of a “hated enemy”).

At the same time, emotions and feelings are situational may not match or contradict each other. Example: a mother became angry with her deeply loved child.

Depending on the character, people show different emotions in the same situations.

For example: the company's profits have fallen.

If the owner is positive in life man, he will be a little upset, but he will quickly pull himself together and will take effect. He will open up his attitude to the problem as a motivation for creativity.

For a weaker person, the same situation will cause state of apathy, inactivity, depression.

If you experience a depressed, depressed state for no particular reason, and even an unwillingness to live - what could this mean?

Like unbalanced emotions
ruin your life

What happens if you cannot or do not want to understand and control your emotions?

Relationships with people deteriorate

In a person caught up in emotions, sensitivity dulls to the people around him, even to his loved ones.

Therefore, people in an “excited” state manage to say a lot of unpleasant and even hurting words.

Habitual your emotional response shapes your mood and character.

For example, if you don't work through your resentment, the “character of the victim” will be formed. You will react sharply to the slightest comments from others, enter into frequent conflicts, and then feel unhappy and depressed.

Your performance decreases

You are wasting your energy resources to endless, exhausting experiences.

As a result, you may simply not have enough strength to realize your goals and achieving success.

Write down times in your life when your emotions unsettled you. How did you deal with this?

A non-standard approach to problem solving... a 3-step algorithm.

Your attitude towards yourself is getting worse

An excess of negative emotions creates the belief that “everything is wrong in life” or “everyone is against me.”

As a result, you have self-esteem drops. You may judge and blame yourself, even become depressed.

Your health is being destroyed

Uncontrolled emotions play a big role in the occurrence of many diseases. It is called psychosomatics.

Surely you are familiar with the expression “the disease developed due to nervousness”?

This happens when

excessive emotional response(hysterical, self-inflicted),
looping on negative emotions (when you feel constantly guilty or offended),
denial and suppression their emotions (“You can’t be angry with your mom”).

Detailed decoding of the meaning of diseases from Louise Hay

Denying and inflating your emotions is not an option. So you will only ruin your life and make it unbearable.

If you want to achieve success in life, you need to study understand and control your emotions.

How to manage your emotions

It is possible to make a quality decision to get out of any difficult situation if you are able to emotional balance. That's the only way you soberly assesses e what is happening and are able to act adequately.

1. Recognize the emotion and name it.

To work with emotions, you must first acknowledge their existence.

Learn to name your emotions: I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm happy. Look for shades of emotional states - there are more than a hundred of them!

At least admit it to myself that you have “negative”, “disapproved” emotions: cowardice, gloating, curiosity to delve into other people’s secrets...

If you are not fully aware of your experiences, then you do not understand the role emotions play. for you personally.

WITH accepting any of your emotions the ability to control them begins.

Otherwise, for any similar situations you will be forced to experience an emotional explosion and endlessly walk in circles.

2. Analyze what your emotions are saying.

Learn to realize what essence and value your emotions, especially the “negative” ones.

About what signal your experiences?
What do they pay your attention to? attention?
What is worth thinking about?
What should be changed?

Be honest with yourself when answering these questions.

Perhaps resentment indicates need for recognition, and anger protects you from the destructive person in your life.

Or maybe you're used to hysterical behavior to get wish from intractable people? In this case, it is worth looking for other options...

Once you understand the value behind the outburst of emotions, they automatically subside.

3. Don't take it personally

Learn not to accept personal account everything that happens to you.

If your husband or boss yelled at you, this does not mean that you have done anything wrong.

Perhaps they are in a bad mood, this has nothing to do with you personally. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Don’t get drawn into this negativity by reacting with emotion. resentment or anger. However, you have the right to calmly and correctly defend your boundaries.

4. Use meditation and spiritual practices

If you are prone to emotional outbursts or prolonged experiences, you have high sensitivity - learn to calm down even in the most difficult situations.

They help with this meditation. Even after a short practice, you will feel relaxed and the intensity of your emotions will subside.

Regular meditation will tune your brain to think more positively.

During meditation, the brain changes the frequency of electrical impulses to deep and calm alpha waves. They induce a state of peace and relaxation in a person.

Another simple and effective technique is breathing. Take a deep breath and exhale into the ground several times.

5. Do things differently.

Train yourself to react differently to familiar“negative” situations.

For example, you can try to turn the brewing scandal into a joke, and thus discharge situation.

Simple practices on how to get out of an emotionally charged situation

If you can't figure out how to do things differently, practice this in a playful way (for example, during trainings). You can get inspiration from books and films.

6. Understand the nature of emotions

Read books and articles about emotions: why they arise, how they affect the body and consciousness.

Every person given the opportunity keep yourself in a positive mood.

Deliberate a person knows how to control himself, monitor and manage his emotions.

Do not suppress emotions in yourself, but understand the reasons for their occurrence both in yourself and in others.

And by this, manage your life, creating more happiness and inner harmony in her!

P.S. Perhaps the most important step to emotional healing is the ability to forgive your offenders, let go of the pain of your past.

Almost every person on Earth dreams of learning how to influence the emotions of other people and finding a variety of approaches to communication. However, before you achieve this, you need to learn to manage your own emotions, since it is this skill that will allow you to influence other people. Know yourself first and only then start studying other people.

A person experiences emotions every second of his existence, so those who know how to manage them achieve a lot. They can be roughly divided into three types: beneficial, neutral, destructive.

We will look at beneficial and neutral emotions in further lessons, but in this one we will focus entirely on destructive ones, because they are the ones you need to learn to manage in the first place.

Why are destructive emotions defined this way? Here is just a small list of how negative emotions can affect your life:

They undermine your health: heart disease, diabetes, stomach ulcers and even tooth decay. As technology develops, scientists and doctors are adding to this list. There is a possibility that negative emotions become one of the causes of an overwhelming number of diseases or, at least, hinder a speedy recovery.
They undermine your psychological health: depression, chronic stress, self-doubt.
They affect your communication with other people: those around you, loved ones and employees suffer from negative behavior. Moreover, ironically, it is on close people that we lose our temper most often.
They hinder success: destructive emotions completely atrophy our ability to think. And while anger may subside within a few hours, anxiety and depression prevent you from thinking clearly for weeks or months.
They narrow the focus: in a depressed or affective state, a person is unable to see the big picture and cannot make the right decisions because he is too limited in the number of options.

There is a popular point of view: negative emotions do not need to be suppressed. This is a very controversial question and a complete answer to it has not yet been found. Some say that holding back such emotions leads to them penetrating the subconscious and having a sad effect on the body. Other people argue that the inability to restrain them weakens the nervous system. If we imagine our emotions in the image of a pendulum, then in this way we swing it more strongly.

In this regard, in our course we will approach this issue extremely carefully and will mostly talk about how to prevent the onset of a destructive emotion. This approach is in many ways more effective and will allow you to prevent negative conditions from entering your life.

Before getting to know the most destructive emotions, you cannot ignore the so-called reactionary thoughts.

Reactionary thoughts

Most of the emotions that we experience appear as a result of the appearance of some stimulus. This could be a certain person, situation, image, behavior of other people, or one’s own psychological state. All this can be an irritant for you, that is, something that invades your personal comfort and makes you feel uncomfortable. To get rid of this condition, we react (usually in a negative way) to it in the hope that it will go away. However, this strategy almost never works.

The fact is that any irritation swings the pendulum of your emotions and the emotions of another person. Your irritated response leads to irritation of the interlocutor, which in turn forces him to “raise the stakes.” In this situation, someone must show wisdom and extinguish passions, otherwise everything will get out of control.

By the way, we will return to the image of a pendulum more than once in our lessons, because this is an excellent metaphor for indicating that emotions have the ability to increase their intensity.

When we experience the action of a stimulus, reactionary thoughts flash through our heads, whether we are aware of them or not. It is these thoughts that prompt us to escalate the conflict and lose our temper. To train yourself not to react instinctively, learn one simple rule: between the action of a stimulus and the reaction to it, there is a small gap, during which you can tune in to the correct perception of the situation. Practice this exercise every day. Whenever you feel triggered by a word or situation, remember that you can choose how to respond to it. This requires discipline, self-control and awareness. If you train yourself not to give in to reactionary thoughts (usually generalizations or feelings of resentment), you will notice the benefits this brings.

The most destructive emotions

There are emotions that cause irreparable harm to a person’s health and reputation; they can destroy everything that he has built over the years and make his life a living hell.

Let us immediately agree with you that sometimes a character trait can be an emotion, so we will also consider these cases. For example, conflict is a character trait, but it is also a special emotional state in which a person experiences a craving for high-intensity emotions. It is a dependence on the collision of two emotional worlds.

Or, for example, the desire to criticize others. This is also a character trait, but from a purely emotional point of view, it is the desire to raise one’s self-esteem by pointing out the mistakes of others, which indicates the need to change the negative valence of one’s emotions to a positive one. Therefore, if you want, call this list “The Most Destructive Emotions, Feelings and Conditions.”

Anger and rage

Anger is a negatively colored affect directed against experienced injustice and accompanied by a desire to eliminate it.

Rage is an extreme form of anger in which a person’s adrenaline levels increase, accompanied by a desire to cause physical pain to the offender.

Despite the fact that anger and rage have differences in intensity and duration of manifestation, we will consider these emotions as one. The complete chain looks like this:

Prolonged, aching irritation - anger - anger - rage.

Why is there no hatred in this chain, which contributes to the emergence of rage? The fact is that it is already included in anger and rage, along with antipathy, disgust, and a sense of injustice, so we use it in combination.

A person cannot instantly experience anger or rage; he must bring himself to this. First, irritants of varying intensity appear and the person becomes irritated and nervous. After some time, anger arises. A prolonged state of anger causes anger, which in turn can result in the manifestation of rage.

In evolutionary theory, the source of anger is the fight-or-flight response, so the trigger for anger is a feeling of danger, even an imaginary one. An angry person may consider not only a physical threat dangerous, but even a blow to self-esteem or self-esteem.

Anger and rage are the hardest to control. It is also one of the most seductive emotions: a person engages in self-justifying self-talk and fills his mind with convincing reasons to vent his anger. There is a school of thought that anger should not be controlled because it is uncontrollable. The opposing view is that anger is completely preventable. How to do this?

One of the most powerful ways to do this is to destroy the beliefs that feed it. The longer we think about what angers us, the more “sufficient reasons” we can come up with. Reflections in this case (no matter how over-emotional they may be) only add fuel to the fire. To extinguish the flames of anger, you should once again describe the situation to yourself from a positive point of view.

The next way to curb anger is to grasp those destructive thoughts and doubt their correctness, since it is the initial assessment of the situation that supports the first outburst of anger. This reaction can be stopped if calming information is provided before the person acts out of anger.

Some psychologists advise letting off steam and not holding back anger, experiencing the so-called catharsis. However, practice shows that such a strategy does not lead to anything good and anger flares up again and again with enviable regularity, causing irreparable harm to a person’s health and reputation.

To cool down passions in a physiological sense, the adrenaline rush is waited out in an environment where additional mechanisms for inciting anger are most likely not to appear. A walk or entertainment can help with this, if possible. This method will stop the growth of hostility, since it is physically impossible to be angry and angry when you are having a good time. The trick is to cool the anger to the point where the person is capable have fun.

A very effective way to get rid of anger is to exercise. After severe physical stress, the body returns to a low activation level. Various methods have an excellent effect: meditation, muscle relaxation, deep breathing. They also change the physiology of the body, transferring it into a state of reduced arousal.

At the same time, it is important to be aware, to notice in time the growing irritation and destructive thoughts. Write them down on a piece of paper and analyze them. One of two things is possible: either you will find a positive solution, or you will at least stop scrolling through the same thoughts in a circle. Evaluate your thoughts from a position of logic and common sense.

Remember that no method will work if you cannot interrupt the flow of annoying thoughts. Literally tell yourself not to think about it and shift your attention. It is you who direct your attention, which is a sign of a conscious person who is able to control his psyche.

Anxiety

There are two types of anxiety:

Inflating them is a molehill. A person clings to one thought and develops it to a universal scale.
Repeating the same thought in a circle. In this case, the person does not take any action to solve the problem and instead repeats the thought over and over again.

A problem does not exist if you carefully think about the problem from all sides, generate several possible solutions, and then choose the best one. From an emotional point of view, this is called preoccupation. However, when you find yourself returning to a thought over and over again, it does not bring you any closer to solving the problem. You become anxious and do nothing to get out of this state and remove the worries.

The nature of anxiety is surprising: it appears seemingly out of nowhere, creates constant noise in the head, cannot be controlled and torments a person for a long time. Such chronic anxiety cannot last forever, so it mutates and takes other forms - anxiety attacks, stress, neuroses, and panic attacks. There are so many obsessive thoughts in your head that it leads to insomnia.

Anxiety by its nature directs a person's thoughts to the past (mistakes and failures) and the future (uncertainty and catastrophic pictures). At the same time, a person shows creative abilities only to create terrifying pictures, and not to search for solutions to possible problems.

The best way to combat anxiety is to stay in the present moment. It is worth returning to the past constructively, finding out the causes of mistakes and realizing how to avoid them in the future. You should only think about the future at moments when you consciously set aside time for it: clarify goals and priorities, outline a plan and course of action. You need to live only one day in the most effective way and not think about anything else.

By practicing meditation and becoming more mindful, you will learn to catch the first signs of obsessive thoughts and eradicate them. You will also be able to notice what images, objects and sensations trigger anxiety. The sooner you notice anxiety, the easier it will be to stop it. You need to fight back your thoughts decisively, and not sluggishly, as most people do.

Ask yourself a few questions:

What is the likelihood that the event you fear will actually happen?
Is there only one scenario?
Is there an alternative?
Is there an opportunity to take constructive steps?
Is there any point in chewing on the same thoughts over and over again?

These are good questions that will allow you to reflect on what is happening in the moment and bring conscious attention to your thoughts.

Relax as much and as often as possible. It is impossible to worry and relax at the same time; either one or the other wins. Study it and after some time you will be surprised to notice that you have not felt any disturbing thoughts for several days now.

The great psychologist Dale Carnegie in his book “” provides many techniques that allow you to cope with this unpleasant habit. We give you the top ten and recommend reading this book in its entirety:

Sometimes anxiety is not born out of the blue, but has a logical basis. If trouble has happened (or may happen) to you, use a three-step structure:

Ask yourself: “What is the worst thing that could happen to me?”
Accept the worst.
Calmly think about how you can improve the situation. In this case, things can’t get any worse, which means psychologically you gain the opportunity to get more than you originally expected.

Remember that people who don't manage anxiety die young. Anxiety deals a severe blow to the body and can lead to the appearance of psychosomatic diseases.
Practice occupational therapy. The most dangerous time for a person is the hours after work, when, it would seem, it’s time to relax and start enjoying life. Keep yourself busy, find a hobby, clean the house, repair the shed.
Remember the Law of Large Numbers. What is the likelihood that the event you are worried about will happen? According to the Law of Large Numbers, this probability is negligible.
Show interest in other people. When a person is genuinely interested in others, he stops concentrating on his own thoughts. Try to do a selfless act every day.
Don't expect gratitude. Do what you have to do and what your heart tells you to do and don’t expect your efforts to be rewarded. This will save you from a lot of unpleasant emotions and complaining about other people.
If you get a lemon, make lemonade out of it. Carnegie quotes William Bulito: “The most important thing in life is not to make the most of your successes. Every fool is capable of this. What's really important is the ability to take advantage of losses. It requires intelligence; this is the difference between a smart person and a fool.”
Don't let the little things get you down. Many people go through great adversity with their heads held high, and then drive themselves crazy over the smallest things.
Rest during the day. Get some sleep if possible. If not, just sit or lie down with your eyes closed. Fatigue gradually and imperceptibly accumulates throughout the day and if it is not relieved, it can lead to a nervous breakdown.
Don't cut sawdust. The past is in the past and there is nothing you can do about it. You can fix the situation in the present or future, but there is no point in worrying about what has already happened.

Feelings of resentment and self-pity

These two emotions lead to, which leads to many destructive consequences. A person stops developing because other people are to blame for his troubles and feels worthless, feeling sorry for himself.

Touchiness is an indicator that a person has too many pain points that other people put pressure on. The difficulty is that recognizing this problem can be quite difficult, especially if resentment has reached a chronic stage.

The feeling of resentment arises:

when a person we know behaved completely differently than we expected. It is often an unintentional action or behavior that we think is intentional;
when a person we know deliberately insults us through name-calling or humiliation (usually in public);
when a stranger insults us

As it were, we are offended only when we think we have been offended. In other words, everything depends entirely on our perception. There are people who are not offended when they are even insulted in public. What are the benefits of this mindset?

They do not allow their emotions to get out of control and lose face.
The offender is so surprised that there was no response to his insult that he remains frustrated and confused.
The audience's focus instantly shifts from him to the person who tried to offend him.
The audience, instead of gloating or feeling sorry for the “offended” person, finally takes his side, because all people subconsciously respect those who do not lose face in a stressful situation.

In short, when you do not react to words that were thrown in order to offend, you gain a huge advantage. This evokes respect not only among the audience, but even from the offender. This approach is proactive, keeps you healthy and allows you to control your emotions.

We have considered the situation of insult in public, then what should we do in the case when a loved one did not behave as we expected? The following thoughts will help you:

“Perhaps he did not want to behave this way or did not suspect that he could hurt me with his actions or words.”
“He understands that he let me down, but his pride does not allow him to admit his mistake. I’ll act wiser and let him save his face. In time he will apologize."
“I expect too much from him. If he did this, it means I did not explain to him competently enough that my feelings could be hurt by such behavior.”

It is also worth separating the specific situation with resentment and chronic resentment. In the second case, everything is much more complicated, but with proper work on yourself, you can get rid of it.

The first step in overcoming resentment is recognizing the problem. And in fact, if you understand that your touchiness primarily harms only you, this will be a good starting point in solving the problem.

The second step: think about why the person wants to offend you. Note that he didn’t offend, but wanted to offend. This key difference in thinking will allow you to focus your perceptions on the other person's motives rather than dwelling on internal experiences.

Remember that you can only be offended when you yourself think that you have been offended. This does not mean being indifferent to a person or situation. This means analyzing the situation with a cool head and finding out why the person behaved the way he did. And if you come to the conclusion that you no longer want a person in your life, that is your right. But until this moment, try to find out what exactly influenced his behavior and words. Curiosity in this situation is the strongest way to distract yourself.

Painful timidity

Many people love timid people, considering them modest, reserved and even-tempered. In literature we can also find laudatory odes dedicated to such personalities. But is it really that simple?

Shyness (timidity, shyness) is a mental state, the main features of which are fearfulness, indecisiveness, stiffness, tension and awkwardness in society due to a lack of social skills or self-doubt. In this regard, we can conclude that such people are quite comfortable for any company, because all other people look confident in comparison with them. That's why they are loved: they give a sense of importance to everyone around them.

How can you eradicate shyness? The answer most likely lies in self-confidence. If you are confident in your abilities, then your movements are precise, your words are clear, and your thoughts are clear. There is a so-called “confidence/competence loop.” You become competent in a certain activity, notice that you can cope with the task, and thereby increase your self-confidence. And as your self-confidence increases, you increase your competence.

One of the companions of timidity is fear of the near future. Therefore, the best way to overcome shyness is to get out of your comfort zone. If you do something you are afraid of several dozen times a day, then after just a week (or even almost immediately) you begin to feel self-confidence and an incredible surge of strength. Fear goes away in the light of knowledge. It turns out that no one ate you when you expressed an unpopular opinion and you are still alive, asking for help.

Inactivity turns into activity. You probably know that inertia also works in psychology, so as soon as you begin to overcome the psychological and physical threshold, your fear will begin to go away. The chain of “thought - intention - planning - action” after some time becomes almost automatic and you don’t even think about fear or possible defeat. Since refusals and defeats will certainly await you, you need to accustom yourself to this. Think in advance about how you will behave in the event of failure, so as not to be discouraged. After some time, you will act impromptu, but in the first stages it is better to prepare yourself psychologically.

Pride/arrogance

We have combined these two opposing emotions for one reason: in most cases, people who experience pride believe that it is pride. Pride is crooked pride.

Why does a person experience this emotion? It's about not wanting to hurt your own self-esteem. A proud person will not apologize, even if he subconsciously understands that he is to blame.

While pride is a manifestation of a person’s inner dignity and the ability to protect what is dear to him, pride is a manifestation of disrespect for others, unfair self-aggrandizement, selfishness. A person filled with pride will simultaneously experience the following emotions and feelings: resentment, anger, disrespect, sarcasm, arrogance and rejection. All this is accompanied by inflated self-esteem and a reluctance to admit one’s own mistakes.

Pride is formed under the influence of improper upbringing. Parents raise a child in such a way that they praise him even though he has done nothing good. When a child grows up, he finds himself in society and begins to attribute to himself all the merits to which he has nothing to do. If he becomes a leader, he criticizes his team for failures and accepts successes as his own.

Pride gives rise to:

Greed
Vanity
Appropriation of someone else's
Touchiness
Egocentrism
Reluctance to develop (after all, you are already the best)

How to get rid of pride? The difficulty is that its owner will not admit the existence of a problem until the last moment. In this regard, it is easier to admit the presence of timidity, irritability, anxiety and other traits that interfere with a person’s life. While a person filled with pride will deny the presence of this quality.

Recognize that sometimes this happens to you too. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses, appreciate the former and get rid of the latter. Respect yourself and other people, celebrate their successes and learn to praise. Learn to be grateful.

The best way to get rid of pride is to develop assertiveness, empathy and listening skills. We will look at all three of these skills in the next lesson.

Envy

Envy arises in relation to a person who has something that the envier wants to have, but does not possess. The main difficulty in getting rid of envy is that the envier finds excuses for himself when he experiences this feeling. He is absolutely sure that the object of his envy achieved fame, success or material wealth through dishonest means or simply did not deserve it.

Perhaps it does not matter exactly how a person achieved some good, since the envious person does not need a reason. He will treat equally badly both the one who received the benefit dishonestly and the one who actually deserved it. Envy is an indicator of a person’s baseness; it corrodes his body and poisons his soul.

When a person experiences envy, he does not think about how to achieve the same success, because at its core, his thinking is destructive and passive. This desire is not to set a goal and achieve it, but simply to take away the benefit from another person. Perhaps this is the hardest quality to get rid of, because the person experiencing this feeling is choking on anger and hatred. He spends colossal energy on constantly monitoring other people's successes and successes.

What about white envy? From a purely psychological point of view, “white envy” does not exist. Rather, it is simply the ability to rejoice in other people’s successes and the desire to achieve similar heights, which is the behavior of an adequate person. It's admiring other people's achievements and becoming better.

To overcome envy, or at least start to fight it, you first need to recognize that there is a problem. Then answer a few questions:

“What does it matter what and how exactly this person achieved if I still need to work and study in order to achieve my goals?”
“Does this person’s success negatively impact my future successes?”
“Yes, this man is lucky. Many people in the world are lucky, this is normal. Moreover, those who do not cultivate a feeling of envy in their souls are lucky. Maybe I should be happy for him?”
“Do I want my envy to spoil my appearance and lead to stomach ulcers?”
“Aren’t great successes achieved by people who sincerely rejoice in the successes of others and wish everyone well? Aren’t there a lot of people who loved people and only thanks to this they reached such heights?”

Conflict and tendency to criticize

It's amazing what irrational creatures people are. We see from our personal example that the desire to constantly enter into conflicts and criticize others does not bring any benefits, and yet we behave this way again and again.

Conflicts are destructive because the person who enters into them consciously and subconsciously considers himself better than others. Will he argue and conflict with someone whose opinion he considers at least equal to his? This manner of behavior in the head of this person is justified by the fact that he does not want to be a hypocrite, please and utter sugary words. He believes that telling the truth (his truth) is much more honest behavior than wagging or remaining silent.

Let's look at the problem from the angle of self-development. Is telling the truth and not choosing words a sign of a developed and intelligent person? Does it really take a lot of intelligence to say what you think about anything? Of course, hypocrisy and flattery are also bad, but this is the other extreme.

Almost any extreme in emotions is destructive. When you lie and flatter, they don’t like you, when you enter into conflict on any occasion and don’t know how to keep your mouth shut (or choose the wrong words), they won’t want to do business with you either. Find balance because flexible people succeed in this world.

Criticism doesn't work either, at least not in the long run. Carnegie rightly argued that criticism hurts a person’s self-esteem and puts him on the defensive. When criticizing, we seem to pull a person out of his comfort zone and demonstrate his shortcomings.

Suppress reactionary thoughts and the desire to react to a stimulus. Again, at a minimum, start from the assumption that everyone can criticize and it doesn’t take a lot of intelligence. Learn the art of indirect criticism and get rid of the blaming tone. This requires self-control, wisdom, observation and... Such criticism gives a person feedback, motivates and gives new strength.

In this lesson we learned what reactionary thoughts are and how they play a role in managing emotions. We also looked at the seven most destructive emotions, found out why they are considered such, and found ways to combat them.

In the next lesson, we will learn the three main skills for increasing emotional intelligence - assertiveness, empathy and listening.

Test your knowledge

If you want to test your knowledge on the topic of this lesson, you can take a short test consisting of several questions. For each question, only 1 option can be correct. After you select one of the options, the system automatically moves on to the next question. The points you receive are affected by the correctness of your answers and the time spent on completion. Please note that the questions are different each time and the options are mixed.

In everyday life, conflict situations often occur between people due to differences in temperament. This is due, first of all, to a person’s excessive emotionality and lack of self-control. emotions? How to “get the upper hand” over your own feelings and thoughts during a conflict? Psychology provides answers to these questions.

Why do you need self-control?

Restraint and self-control are something that many people lack. This is achieved over time, constantly training and improving skills. Self-control helps to achieve a lot, and the least of this list is inner peace of mind. How to learn to control your emotions and at the same time prevent intrapersonal conflict? Understand that this is necessary and gain agreement with your own “I”.

Control over emotions prevents the conflict situation from worsening and allows you to find someone with completely opposite personalities. To a greater extent, self-control is necessary to establish relationships with people, no matter business partners or relatives, children, lovers.

The influence of negative emotions on life

Breakdowns and scandals, in which negative energy is released, have a detrimental effect not only on the people around them, but also on the instigator of conflict situations. your negative emotions? Try to avoid conflicts and not succumb to provocations from other people.

Negative emotions destroy harmonious relationships in the family and interfere with normal personal development and career growth. After all, few people want to cooperate/communicate/live with a person who does not control himself and starts a large-scale scandal at every opportunity. For example, if a woman cannot control herself and constantly finds fault with her man, which leads to serious quarrels, then he will soon leave her.

In raising children, it is also important to restrain yourself and not give free rein to negative emotions. The child will feel every word said by the parent in the heat of anger, and will subsequently remember this moment for the rest of his life. Psychology helps to understand how to learn to restrain emotions and prevent their manifestation in communication with children and loved ones.

Negative emotions also have a great impact on business and work activities. The team always consists of people of different temperaments, therefore self-control plays an important role here: negativity can spill out at any moment when a person is put under pressure and required to do overwhelming work. And instead of the usual dialogue where the parties can reach a consensus, a scandal develops. How to learn to control your emotions in the workplace? Do not react to employee provocations, try to start a casual conversation, agree with your superiors in everything, even if the assigned tasks are difficult to complete.

Suppression of emotions

Constantly restraining yourself within certain limits and preventing the release of negativity is not a panacea. Suppressing accumulates negativity, and therefore increases the risk of developing psychological diseases. Negativity must be periodically “thrown out” somewhere, but in such a way that the feelings of other people are not harmed. How to learn to restrain emotions, but without harm to your inner world? Go in for sports, because during training a person spends all his internal resources, and the negativity quickly goes away.

Wrestling, boxing, and hand-to-hand combat are suitable for releasing negative energy. It is important here that a person mentally wants to give vent to his emotions, then he will feel relief and he will not want to take it out on anyone. However, it is worth considering that everything should be in moderation, and overwork during training can provoke a new influx of negativity.

Two ways to control your emotions:

Do you dislike a person so much that you are ready to destroy him? Do this, but, of course, not in the literal sense of the word. At the moment when you feel uncomfortable communicating with him, mentally do whatever you want with this person.
Draw a person you hate and write down on a piece of paper next to the image the problems that appeared in your life thanks to him. Burn the sheet and mentally put an end to your relationship with this person.

Prevention

How to learn to restrain emotions? Psychology gives the following answer to this question: to control your feelings and emotions, prevention is necessary, in other words - emotional hygiene. Like the human body, his soul also needs hygiene and disease prevention. To do this, you need to protect yourself from communicating with people who cause hostility, and also, if possible, avoid conflicts.

Prevention is the most gentle and optimal way to control emotions. It does not require additional human training or specialist intervention. Preventive measures allow you to protect yourself from negativity and nervous breakdowns for a long time.

The main thing is that it helps you gain control over your emotions - over your own life. When a person is satisfied with everything in his home, work, relationships, and he understands that at any moment he can influence all this and adjust it to himself, then it is easier for him to restrain the manifestation of negative emotions. There are a number of preventive rules that help manage your own feelings and thoughts. How to learn to control your emotions and manage yourself? Follow simple rules.

Unfinished business and debts

Complete all planned tasks in a short time, do not leave the work unfinished - this can cause delays in terms of deadlines, causing negative emotions. Also, “tails” can be reproached, pointing out your incompetence.

In financial terms, try to avoid late payments and debts - this is exhausting and prevents you from achieving your goal. Understanding that you have not repaid a debt to someone causes negativity and helplessness in the face of current circumstances.

The absence of debts, both financial and other, allows you to fully spend your own energy resources and strength, directing them to the realization of desires. A sense of duty, on the contrary, is an obstacle to mastering self-control and achieving success. How to learn to restrain emotions and control yourself? Eliminate debts in a timely manner.

Cosiness

Create a comfortable workplace for yourself, equip your home to your own taste. Both at work and at home, with your family, you should feel comfortable - nothing should cause irritation or any other negative emotions.

Time planning

Try to make smart plans for the day, strive to ensure that you have a little more time and resources to complete your tasks than you need. This will avoid the negativity associated with a constant lack of time and worries about the lack of finances, energy and strength for work.

Communication and Workflow

Avoid contacts with unpleasant people who waste your personal time. Especially with individuals who are called “energy vampires” - they take up not only your time, but also your energy. If possible, try not to interact with overly temperamental people, since any incorrect remark directed in their direction can provoke a scandal. How to restrain your emotions in relationships with other people? Be polite, do not exceed your authority, and do not overreact to criticism.

If your job brings you nothing but negative emotions, then you should think about changing your job. Earning money to the detriment of your soul and feelings, sooner or later, will lead to a breakdown and disorder of mental balance.

Marking boundaries

Mentally create a list of things and actions that cause you negative emotions. Draw an invisible line, a line that no one, even the closest person, should cross. Create a set of rules that restrict people from communicating with you. Those who truly love, appreciate and respect you will accept such demands, and those who resist these attitudes should not be in your environment. To communicate with strangers, develop a special system that will avoid violating your boundaries and creating conflict situations.

Physical activity and self-reflection

Playing sports will bring not only physical health, but also mental balance. Spend 30 minutes to 1 hour a day on sports, and your body will quickly cope with negative emotions.

At the same time, analyze everything that happens to you during the day. Ask yourself questions about whether you acted correctly in a given situation, whether you communicated with the right people, whether you had enough time to complete the work. This will help not only to understand yourself, but also in the future to eradicate communication with unnecessary people who cause negativity. your own emotions, thoughts and goals allows you to fully develop self-control.

Positive emotions and prioritization

Develop the ability to switch from negative emotions to positive ones, try to see the positive sides in any situation. How to learn to control emotions in relationships with family and strangers? Be more positive, and this will help you overcome your own temper.

The right goal is a great help in achieving self-control. When you are on the verge of a surge of negative emotions, imagine that as soon as you stop being nervous and paying attention to provocations, your dreams will begin to come true. You should choose only realistic, achievable goals.

Environment

Take a close look at the people around you. Is there any benefit from communicating with them? Do they bring you happiness, warmth and kindness, do they make you happy? If not, then the answer is obvious; you urgently need to change your social circle, switch to individuals who bring positive emotions. Of course, it is impossible to do this in the workplace, but at least limit yourself from communicating with such people outside the work space.

In addition to changing your environment, expanding your social circle will help you develop self-control. This will give you new opportunities, knowledge and a positive charge for a long time.

TOP best tips that will help you control your emotions with two clicks of your fingers. Take it into service!

What kind of feelings do we experience every day: joy, sadness, anger, tenderness, mistrust, admiration, envy and much more.

And if sensations with a plus sign need to be enjoyed for as long as possible, then negative guests should be sent away as quickly as possible.

And it’s even better not to let them into your heart at all.

This article will help you with this, emotion management.

Believe me, it’s not so difficult to tame your feelings, to make sure that they don’t lead you, but you lead them.

Do you need to control your emotions?

You probably know that all people are divided into psychotypes.

And, if, for example, extroverts instantly unleash their emotions on another person, acting absolutely thoughtlessly and often to their detriment, then introverts remain a closed book, hiding all their feelings inside.

Often people don’t even want to learn or pacify envy, or control anger, or extinguish anxiety, chalking it all up to: “Suck it up! That’s my character!”

Naturally, blaming innate data for your problems and difficulties is much easier than taking a course: “ How to manage emotions” and put in a little effort.

Don't underestimate the destructive power of negative feelings.

Psychologists have long described their danger to humans:

From simple excitement to a state of passion, the path is not as long as it might seem to you at first glance.

Just think, you were angry with your husband, who once again threw his socks not into the laundry basket, but under the bed. They screwed themselves up and ran to sort things out.

And the husband, instead of the standard: “Sorry!” muttered something like: “Take it and put it away yourself, they don’t bother me.”

It’s good if everything turns into a banal quarrel and does not end in crime.

Most domestic crimes happen because of small things.

Inability control emotions will lead to problems with others.

Even if your parents, friends, husband/wife, colleagues love you very much, sooner or later they will get tired of your imbalance, which means you are at risk.

If you were unable to immediately cope with a negative emotion and carried it within yourself for some time, then it has left its mark.

With each new negative, the trace will begin to increase, and soon you will be surrounded by negative energy, and this muck, as you know, has never brought anything good to anyone.

The inability to control emotions is one of the signs of human mental disorders.

Yes, yes, no matter how scary it may sound.

It’s one thing if you just lost your temper, but quite another if every little thing provokes you into an outburst.

In this case, it is better to see a specialist.

Bosses are wary of people who express their feelings too violently, not only negative, but also positive.

No one will entrust the management of a company or the management of an important contract to an unbalanced type, which means you can forget about a good career.

How to control emotions?

When you feel bad, you forget about everything... And when you feel good, even more so... We have generally become somehow surprisingly insensitive. And emotionless. Only tragedy, catastrophe can awaken feelings in us - and not always. And when everything is good, we simply don’t notice it, we don’t rejoice in what we have... We simply don’t have time to notice it.
Oleg Roy. Mothers and daughters, or vacations in Atyashevo.

If you were stepped on on public transport, treated rudely in a store, a colleague answered rudely, etc., do not give free rein to your first instinct: to rush into battle.

Slowly count to 10 in your head, after “ten” you will no longer want to be rude or make a scandal.

Every time you go shopping at the market, do you come back irritated because you again had a row with one of the sellers?

Buy groceries in a supermarket, through an online store, ask your husband or mother to take on this unpleasant responsibility for you.

The emotion that arises.

Imagine the anger arising in you in the form of fire, and then imagine how a powerful wave hits it, leaving not even a coal behind.

Do this exercise regularly and it will become easier each time to “put out” negative emotions.

Learn to feel sorry for the one who caused you negative emotions.

Well, just look at your boss, who regularly drives you crazy.

A sick old woman, without a husband, without a family, clings to this job because no one is waiting for her at home except cats.

Yes, her only joy is to provoke you to anger. So why not deprive her of her last joy?

Deal with conflicts correctly.

A woman pushed you in the minibus and instead of apologizing, she said something rude.

Spit!

After two stops you will get off and never see this boorish woman again, and she will remain a fat uneducated woman with a bunch of s.....

Proper management of emotions - throw out that crap!

Even if you learn to perfectly manage your feelings, life will still throw you situations that are quite difficult to cope with.

Undeserved insults hurt especially deeply.

Sometimes you just can’t forgive and throw her out of your heart.

You can get rid of especially persistent emotions with the help of:

how you can control your emotions.

Certainly, control emotions much more difficult than throwing them out on others.

You may well not bother and start a huge scandal for any harmless comment.

But if in five years you wake up in some nice place with bars on the windows without friends and family, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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