Today we have a very sincere family visiting us - a mother, a father and three wonderful children. Mom Anna Naumenko, author of the blog “Mom on Maternity Day,” told BM about how she copes with the role of a mother of many children (this is especially difficult when all three ...
Mom's name: Anna Naumenko Link: http://mamavdecrete.ru/ Description: Anna is a young mother of many children: her daughter Irishka is 2 years old, and her twin babies Sasha and Olya are 2 months old. In her blog, Anna gives advice to mothers on how to organize their day, how to make life more interesting and...
Mom's name: Victoria Link: active-mama.com Description: The “Active Mom” blog is for mothers who don’t want to get bored while on maternity leave and limit themselves exclusively to household chores. Victoria believes that you can be a beautiful, successful, well-rounded person and arouse the envy of others even with a child...
Today our guest is a mother who is not only a member of the Moms Blogs community, but also an irreplaceable member of the Moms Blogs team - Elena Likhacheva. As a blogger in the classical sense, Lena is at the very beginning of her blogging, but as a blogger in social...
Today in the “Mom of the Week” section there is an interview with Ksenia Ilyanovich, author of the blog “Motherhood is a Joy.” Ksenia is an amazing mother; she incredibly combines planning, a systematic approach and unpredictability, even adventurism. Ksenia will tell us about herself, her project and what brings her joy in life.
Today, in the section Tested by Moms, we will talk about an interesting entertaining and educational interactive baby theater - “Visiting a Fairy Tale” (Moscow). Anna Kokhtyuk, author of the blog Ironic notes from a young mother about everything and gingerbread, helps us with this. There are many entertainment events in Moscow today...
If you don’t know that the BigCityMums blog has one author - young mother Katya Nikityuk, then you can easily think that a whole team of professionals works on all blog projects. Because Katya not only raises her son and writes blog articles, ...
Today, in the section Tested by Moms, we will talk about a new interesting Bookagoo project for those who are not lazy and retain colorful childhood memories. And Anna Kokhtyuk, author of the blog Ironic notes from a young mother about everything and gingerbread, helps us in this test drive. ...
To avoid emotional burnout while on maternity leave, two things are important:
- notice your personal needs;
- look for ways to satisfy them.
The desire to spend a week without children is already tired. This comes after my personal needs have not been met for a long time. After all, this didn’t happen immediately after the birth of the child, right? At first, mom is delighted with her baby. And he doesn’t want to give it to anyone. But then fatigue sets in.
The needs of most mothers are approximately the following:
- the need to be with your thoughts, in your world, in contact with yourself (as a rule, if there is no burnout, this does not take much time);
- need for communication;
- the need for creativity;
- in self-education;
- in some kind of hobby.
Of course, this list is approximate.
And if we learn to get all this while on maternity leave with the baby, then fatigue will not accumulate. Or it will just be physical fatigue, not burnout.
Today on the playground the conversation started again about kindergartens and how hard it must be for me. How difficult it is to be with your child all the time.
And I thought this: if I sat with the children all day, didn’t arrange any games, didn’t come up with any new teaching methods, didn’t look for new approaches, didn’t experiment with education, didn’t write articles, didn’t coach, didn’t go through my countless trainings. , didn’t read the book and didn’t communicate with anyone...
It would really be very difficult for me. I would howl because there were only children with me. And I would run to work.
But now... I like that children are always in the family. Yes, you can give a list of “advantages” of education without a kindergarten, but by and large, the main reason for our refusal of kindergartens is that I like it that way. And for children too!
I like to live my life this way. When the children are nearby, when we go through everything together. Yes, this creates additional hassle. I am obliged to organize their communication with peers on my own (however, this is not difficult). Organize classes. And so on.
But all this is not a problem. And for me it's worth it. There is no routine in our life. Where does routine even come from?! We either have a playful trip to the desert, or explore a haunted castle, or seriously study music or other arts...
We can leave home anywhere any day. To friends, to the zoo, to the store, to a new park or to a master class... We can live as actively as we want. Add as much communication into your life as you want. As many adventures as you want.
We might suddenly decide to make a big real cake together. The main thing is not to fight over who will whip the cream with a mixer. We can watch programs about Kamchatka. We can paint each other with gouache. We can make many beautiful paper flowers. We can make a theater. We can all just splash around in the bath together. Or film your “program” on your phone.
And yes, I have something personal that I need. My quiet time. Self-education. My project. Coaching. Without this I would feel dissatisfied.
Of course, every mother has her own needs. Not everyone needs to write and consult. Someone may have a need to sew. Some people want to study English. But the following is important: notice your needs... And look for ways to satisfy them.
Women have a unique opportunity to stop their running for a while and figure out whether they are heading in the right direction. This chance is maternity leave. And if there is a reliable rear, then why not try your hand at something new, in your own business? Our heroines did just that and changed their lives.
Photo by: Ksenia KudrinaMother of two-year-old Arseny and eight-month-old Stefania.Fashion boutique
Before maternity leave: Broker in a petroleum products wholesale company.
About the case: When my son was three months old, I realized that I was bored of being just a mother and wife, I wanted development, my own realization. But I was horrified by the thought of going to the office on a 5/2 schedule: not seeing my children, for the sake of realizing other people’s ambitions. It so happened that my mother and sister flew to Beijing, where they found amazingly beautiful fabrics, silks of different textures and types, amazing quality and at a very attractive price. My mother is a sewing technologist; she has been creating and sewing outfits for us all her adult life, but she never knew how to realize her talent and potential. My sister and I picked up the idea of creating dresses from natural silk and promoting them on the Internet. The fifth collection was recently released.
About the "victims": I work 3-5 hours a day, and recently I’ve been going an extra full day once a week. I have to sacrifice time for myself: now I miss reading books, listening to music and watching movies, actively playing sports and even meeting with friends. Now it’s either children and family, or my business.
About difficulties: In reality, everything turned out to be completely different from what it seemed, from production to the launch of a new product on the market. There was a lack of knowledge, experience, budget, and connections. Now, with the advent of a second child, children growing up and business expansion, there is simply a catastrophic lack of time.
Advice to those in doubt: If you doubt it, it means you are not ready yet. In your business you need to think a lot and work even more. And there is absolutely no one to shift responsibility for failures to. I would recommend initially doing only what you really like or in which you have experience, skill, knowledge; or there is a partner - a real professional in his field; or have access (as well as time and desire) to a large amount of information on the topic. It is also worth choosing a type of activity that, even in the most pessimistic scenarios, will bring you new knowledge, or material things, or acquaintances, and experience, of course. And you won't lose anything except time. These points will help you lower the level of importance, worry less about “what if it doesn’t work out?”, and focus more on the positive result. My motivation: “When if not now?” Ultimately, I'm building a legacy for my children rather than having to go to work to get a paycheck—it helps a lot.
Photo from Alice's personal archive Before maternity leave: marketer in a large company
About the case: The topic of ecology and naturalness is very close to our family, from the very beginning I was puzzled by the choice of the very best toys for my only child at that time, I ordered them individually from craftsmen, brought them from abroad... In general, I was a real fanatic. And gradually the thought came that, probably, I’m not the only one, and it would help someone a lot if such toys were all in one place. The store is already more than 4 years old, during this time we have grown, and many people already know us. I made and came up with the website, logos, slogans myself, wrote articles for promotion, filled it in, changed it, until I began to completely like the result. Therefore, from the point of view of “advancement” in technical terms, they are not the most advanced, but from the point of view of the warmth and real emotions invested, I think they were quite successful. With the birth of our third daughter, we moved out of town, and the idea came to create our own family club for mothers and children.
About the "victims": I have 4 working days a week, of which 4-5 hours are spent on work. At first, I had to sacrifice a night's sleep. But I’m a night owl, so I worked even more efficiently. There are also periods when it seems like you don’t have time to do anything, but this quickly passes.
About difficulties: Organize everything. Set it up exactly so that you like it, it would be convenient and understandable. The second difficulty is that in your business you are, as they say, both a Swiss and a reaper. This is difficult for those who leave large companies, where there is a specialist for every question. And, of course, the scale itself can be discouraging at first: there is a lot of work, but the result is small. But what is important here is patience and faith that people need your business.
Advice to those in doubt: Sample! If your thoughts keep coming back to the same thing, you feel that it’s yours, you want to start, but you’re afraid, start boldly. It’s better to do it and regret it than not to do it and regret it.
Anastasia Kuntsevich
Mother of two-year-old Savely. Savory desserts
Before maternity leave: Logistics Manager.
About the case: My environment pushed me to do something. A friend came up with a small business for herself, and I also wanted something interesting and unusual. Previously, there were already attempts to produce both sweet cakes and portioned desserts. But there is huge competition in this niche. So I came up with my own savory project. And yes, moral satisfaction from doing what you love is, of course, good, but money is never superfluous. Therefore, after maternity leave I still plan to return to my main job.
About the "victims": I find it difficult to answer. If there are orders (and they almost always are), then it takes time both to purchase products and to make the cake. I try to do as much as possible when my son is sleeping. Plus, communicating with clients also takes a lot of time.
About difficulties: If the son is not in the mood, then there is no question of any of his own affairs. Everything has to be put off overnight. But I also want to sleep. So there is only one problem - lack of time!
Advice to those in doubt: It is better to regret what is done than what is not done. Therefore, if you want to do something, you need to take it and do it without putting it aside.
Ekaterina Vlasova
Photo from Ekaterina’s personal archive Mother of five-year-old Kira and three-year-old Sasha. Newborn photographer
Before maternity leave: sales manager at a consulting agency.
About the case: I gave birth to my second child before leaving the first maternity leave; it turned out that I spent a total of 5 years at home. It is very difficult to remain idle for such a long time. Therefore, when my youngest became at least a little more independent, I began to look for options for part-time work at home. And after several unsuccessful endeavors, I settled on photo retouching. And a year later I realized that I wanted to shoot myself, so I took my husband’s old camera, advertised it on the Internet, and away we go.
About the "victims": You don’t have to sacrifice anything, thank God, quite the opposite. I only do photo shoots on weekends, and my husband always assists me. Since I’m free on weekdays, I raise the children myself and don’t take them to kindergarten, which would be impossible with a 5/2 schedule.
About difficulties: Any undertaking requires money, I had to borrow it. It's always a risk. But, as they say, those who don’t take risks don’t drink. My business paid off within a month.
Advice to those in doubt: Everything is real! If you want to work for yourself, just work! In any case, you can always go back to the office, but I don't think you'll want to.
Anastasia Mikhailova
Photo from Anastasia’s personal archive Mother of three-year-old Julian and one-and-a-half-year-old Valentin.English club for mothers with children
Before maternity leave: Several types of activities - from accountant to corporate client manager.
About the case: It all started with a love for language and children. Being a native speaker, she instilled it in her eldest from birth. Later I realized that this is simply necessary: to instill a second language before the age of three for better pronunciation and easier learning at a later age. I attended trainings and read the necessary literature. I decided to create a club for young mothers and teach them how to introduce language to babies.
About the "victims": During my work at the club, a nanny takes care of the children, so being away from home for a couple of hours is not at all scary, especially since the child learns something from the nannies.
About difficulties: Preparing for classes takes time. I do it after I put the kids to bed. This is a little difficult, given the fact that the youngest is in his arms all the time, and it is not possible to rest during the day.
Advice to those in doubt: If you have an interesting idea and a strong desire, then all the stars will align and you will have the opportunity to realize this idea. The main thing is to take a step forward and think only positively! You will immediately break out of your home routine, which will bring you a lot of new emotions.
Stories are stories, but when it comes to your own life, questions arise: where to start, where to go, what can I even do? I suggest you read this one. I really liked the detailed description of every possible option for making money for a mother on maternity leave, some of which are through the author’s personal experience. But you will find several non-standard approaches to business while on maternity leave, which, although they will require some investments, should theoretically pay for themselves. I do not know, I have not tried it. But some ideas seem quite reasonable and interesting. Moreover, I have seen their implementation in life. I recommend!
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Maternity leave is full of pitfalls. You are no longer your own. A little bundle of happiness requires attention, care, and warmth. I want to give him all my time, all my tenderness and all my love. And you give. Dissolve in the flow of feedings, diapers, washing, cleaning, walks. A mother on maternity leave does not notice how she stops paying attention to her appearance, development, and relationship with her husband. And then a strange sad woman looks out of the mirror. If you managed to avoid such a spectacle, then please accept my sincere congratulations. If not, let’s figure out together how to make the reflection still beautiful and the mind clear.
APPEARANCE
Makeup and hairstyle
Why do mothers on maternity leave stop taking care of their appearance?
- No time.
It is difficult for a woman on maternity leave to find time for herself, but it is possible. Do you have half an hour on social networks, the next episode of your favorite series or TV show? If yes, then don’t say that there are no 15 minutes for makeup and hair.
- You don't have to go out in public every day.
What about your husband and child? Don't they deserve an attractive mother? Don’t be lazy, because a well-groomed appearance adds self-confidence and improves your mood.
How to find time for cosmetic procedures?
Divide your beauty routines into daily ones and those that you perform 1-3 times a week. Store cosmetics for daily use in one place. This will save time on self-care. Distribute procedures that are performed less frequently by day of the week. This way you can do it in a few minutes a day, but you will look well-groomed all the time. Mothers on maternity leave forget everything. Having thought over a plan for caring for your face and body, write it down on a piece of paper. For example:
- Monday: hair care (mask);
- Tuesday: facial treatment (scrub, mask);
- Wednesday: body care (scrub, moisturizing milk);
- Thursday: hair care (mask);
- Friday: hand care (bath, manicure);
- Saturday: foot care (heels, pedicure);
- Sunday: facial treatment (mask).
To control yourself, check the boxes next to the completed procedures throughout the week.
Cloth
Let's think about clothes. If you are not going to participate in the “Miss Old Robe” or “Best Housepants” competition, then put them aside. Or throw it away altogether. Nobody is asking you to dress like you go to work. But answer the question: is my husband pleased to see me in a stretched out old T-shirt? Look for a compromise: let the clothes be inexpensive, comfortable, but decent. By the way, your mood depends on this.
Figure
Finding time for sports is not easy for a mother on maternity leave. An assistant is needed for the child's husband or grandmother. If there is no one to sit with your child while you are jogging or at the gym, then try to introduce 15 minutes of morning exercises into your daily routine. 
MOTHER ON MATERNITY AND HOME
Taking care of children, kitchen, laundry and cleaning - mom will always find something to do on maternity leave. How can you make it here? It’s possible, you just need to stop being a perfectionist.
- Cleaning like Flylady's.
If the house where the child lives is always tidy, something is wrong. For women on maternity leave, Marla Silley’s “FlyLady” system will be useful. So, by spending a few minutes a day cleaning one room, you can keep your house clean all the time.
- Delegation.
- Menu for the week.
On Sunday, make a menu for the next seven days. We know what a headache it is to think every day, “What to cook?” And with a plan, you will save time for more pleasant things and thoughts.
SELF-DEVELOPMENT AND MAINTENANCE OF QUALIFICATIONS
Mothers on maternity leave often notice that they feel “dull.” Why does this happen? On maternity leave, the mother's thoughts are completely absorbed by the little creature. Hormones, nothing can be done. There is no time to read books, materials on the profession or take courses. And I don’t want to. And it is necessary.
In 2-3 years, a woman sitting at home with her baby can “dull” her qualifications. Do not forget about changes in legislation and market conditions. Almost a third of Ukrainian women, after the end of their maternity leave, are forced to look for a new job for various reasons. If you do not want to be among them, follow the news of the profession, subscribe to the relevant newsletters on the Internet, read the literature. Spend at least 10-15 minutes a day maintaining your qualifications, and getting out of maternity leave will be much easier.
On the other hand, if you didn’t really like your previous job, then maternity leave is just what the doctor ordered. The first months with a baby are difficult to learn new things. But, you have almost three years! We remember our childhood dreams and try ourselves in new roles. When, if not now!
In recent years, the global trend towards online learning has been gaining momentum in Ukraine. There are many platforms that offer courses on various topics for free - www.futurelearn.com, www.coursera.org, prometheus.org.ua and others. A mother on maternity leave can listen to lectures on her specialty, study languages, or master a new profession without leaving home. Everything is on the Internet.
When? Again, it’s not easy for mothers on maternity leave to find time for themselves. But how do you like the idea of recording a course of lectures or an interesting book on your smartphone and listening while you walk with a child sleeping in a stroller? But this is only one of the options.
COMMUNICATION
Friends get to know each other... while on maternity leave. Yes, with a baby you automatically become an “inconvenient” friend. Shopping is no longer the same, it’s difficult to find time for coffee, and it’s almost impossible to go to the movies. It’s good when you have the opportunity to leave the baby with your grandmother or nanny and unwind, but what if there isn’t one? Agree with your husband that once a week you can leave the house and spend time with your friends. Without communication with friends, the mother’s psychological state worsens, this is no secret.
By the way, about communication. What about your husband? A child needs parents who love not only him, but also each other. Talk to your husband about what worries you and spend time together. Maternity leave is a difficult time in the relationship between husband and wife. There are many reasons, but this is a topic for a separate article. Remember that it’s not easy for your loved one either.
And the last piece of advice from Cool Mom is to find something that makes you happy. There is no single recipe. Follow your desires, look for harmony and remember that happy children come only from happy parents.