An example and definition of self-esteem. What is self-esteem

Man and woman: the art of love Dilya Enikeeva

Self-esteem

A person's merits can be judged not by his good qualities, but by how he uses them.

F. La Rochefoucauld

A woman and a man should be equal partners in their interpersonal relationships. I evaluate equality not from the standpoint of feminism, that is, in the social aspect, but in the psychological aspect.

The trouble with many of our women is that they do not value themselves highly and do not know how to demonstrate their obvious advantages, and, of course, every woman has them. There are no people made up of only shortcomings, just as there are no people made up of only advantages. Every person has both good and bad. You should not show bad qualities to anyone and try to overcome them, but you should be able to emphasize good ones.

Who came up with this stupid thesis that modesty adorns a woman? Maybe it decorates if there are no other advantages. In the last century, modesty may have been valued. Times are different now. Nowadays individuality is valued. Modesty adorns... another woman.

The most important qualities in a woman, which are the key to her happy destiny, are self-esteem, self-respect, self-confidence and high self-esteem.

You may ask, where can you get self-esteem if you don’t have it? Nurture it within yourself. This is exactly what we psychiatrists do when a person has low self-esteem. We help him gain self-confidence and get rid of his inferiority complex. We do what parents should do.

For normal self-esteem, you need to treat yourself soberly and objectively. There are women next to you who are superior to you in some way - more beautiful, more charming, more intelligent, more successful, more intelligent, more educated. So what? Why, on this basis alone, should one consider oneself worse than them? It is impossible to be the best, just as it is impossible to absorb all the positive qualities. There are no ideal people and there is no need to strive for the ideal. You are who you are, and you will love yourself as you are.

A woman who does not love herself cannot inspire self-love. You are no worse than others, you are different from them, you are an individual.

Surely there are women around you who are inferior to you in some way. Compare yourself with them, analyze how they behave - do they also have complexes or accept themselves as they are and do not grieve about it?

Not having a single advantage is just as impossible as not having a single disadvantage.

L. Vauvenargues

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A sense of the reality of one’s own “I” Disturbances in the sense of “I” are found primarily in such manifestations as depersonalization and derealization. A person loses his sense of his own reality, which is usually associated with the feeling of the changed forms of his own body,

“His heart rate is clearly too high,” “You don’t value yourself, you deserve much more,” you can hear out of the corner of your ear or directly addressed to you. What kind of CSD is this? Self-esteem, which shows how much a person respects, values and loves himself. It also determines the level of aspirations, and indeed activity in life, its very content and success. Self-esteem can be inadequate (overestimated or underestimated) and adequate, but it cannot but exist.

Self-esteem (SSD) is significantly associated with. But this is not the only component and not its synonym. ChSD is a complex system of interdependent. In addition to self-esteem, self-perception and other products of the self also contribute: self-esteem, self-awareness. Roughly speaking, self-esteem is the result of a person’s assessment of his own importance and worth.

Accordingly, this comes out of self-knowledge, healthy. But what is self-knowledge? Getting a person to know himself (with all his strengths and weaknesses, innate characteristics) and identifying interests, forming his own worldview. However, is this based solely on self-esteem and self-analysis? No. From birth, the child perceives himself as adults see him, which they readily express through: “what a good boy”, “you are bad, unhearing”, “you can’t do anything”, “you can’t be relied on”, “you are my support in life”. life." Using these phrases as an example, which of them do you think will form adequate self-esteem and an adequate heart rate, and which will form an underestimated one?

Low self-esteem is based on inadequate criticism and demands, humiliation, insults, coercion from the environment, smoothly turning into elements. As for the inflated FSN, its roots are the god complex, permissiveness, and the “idol of the family.”

A sense of personal dignity consists not only of a sense of one’s own value, but also of the value of everything that is directly related to the individual:

family;
partner in a relationship;
Job;
hobbies;
Friends;
hobby;
interests.

Some elements depend on us, this is directly our choice, and some do not. For example, by humiliating his partner, a person humiliates himself, because being in a relationship with this person is his choice. But no one chooses the family into which to be born. Therefore, it is wrong to humiliate yourself because of your parents’ unworthy lifestyle.

Risks of inadequate heart rate

First of all, among the risks, it is worth talking about humiliation. With a low sense of self-esteem, a person allows himself to be humiliated, and with an overestimated sense of self-esteem, he humiliates other people. Naturally, this deteriorates relationships with others. In addition, with an overestimated heart rate, a person suffers from disappointments. If it is underestimated, it occupies money, suffers from self-flagellation, failure and unhappiness in life.

Surely you are familiar with this evaluation system: “This is below my dignity” / “I am not worthy of this.” However, both of these statements can be either adequate or inadequate. It all depends on the context. But the situation is further aggravated by the difference in interpretation of who a “worthy person” is. There is no single measure of human dignity. Therefore, you should focus on the beliefs and values of a particular society, reference group and your own internal attitudes. Some people define dignity by social status, others by socially useful deeds, and others take into account all three components or name a fourth criterion.

Self-esteem also comes with responsibility. Namely, the responsibility for maintaining one’s dignity and avoiding actions that deprive one of self-respect. The border of the affected CSD is . A blow to self-esteem and shame from what happened is a common reason for victims to remain silent about rape and beatings. Some people are especially vulnerable; even everyday troubles can hurt their dignity. The result is the same - shame, humiliation, isolation. And if the values that determine self-esteem differ from person to person, from culture to culture and from society to society, then the shame of loss of dignity is inevitable for everyone.

How to raise CHSD

The development of self-esteem and self-awareness, and therefore a sense of significance, depends on the nature of the child’s relationship with his mother. With good mutual understanding (understanding the child’s needs, attention and communication, providing independence in choosing actions and privacy), healthy self-esteem is formed. The development of self-awareness and self-esteem depends on respect for the child’s personal space (everyone needs this from birth; the child must be alone in front of the mother’s eyes, under her control).

Due to the mother's anxiety about losing control over the child and the need to regularly receive love from the child, sometimes the baby is completely deprived of free time and the opportunity to realize himself. With anxious mothers and in overprotective families, children grow up passive, uninitiative, and dependent.

So, self-esteem stems from the relationship between the child and mother in early childhood. The following scenarios are popular:

When a child is given personal space in the presence of his mother (another significant adult), he develops the attitude: “I have the right to mind my own affairs. I can be myself even in the company of other people. I don’t have to constantly interact with someone and I don’t have to impose.”
With overprotection, the child receives the instruction: “Everything must be strictly under control. Independence and spontaneity are not allowed. It is my responsibility to continually demonstrate my care and love for others.”
In a situation where the mother expresses her dissatisfaction and the inability to deal with personal affairs, forced communication with the child, he develops the attitude: “I need to be grateful that someone even wants to communicate with me and spend time. Someday I'll be left alone. I always bother others."
When a mother indulges her child and treats her as an idol, the attitude is formed: “Everyone owes me for spending time with them. I can get whatever I want for the very fact of my existence.”

In the first case, self-esteem is developed adequately, in the second and third cases - a low sense of self-esteem. In the fourth case - an inflated sense of self-esteem. Accordingly, self-esteem is adequate, underestimated and overestimated (in the same order).

A child’s self-rejection at an early stage of development causes a deficit of self-esteem in the future. Accordingly, self-acceptance builds healthy self-esteem.

Restoration and preservation of heart rate

Adequate self-esteem is essential for human survival and... However, even correct self-love and self-respect are perceived by some people as boasting and arrogance.

As we found out, self-esteem begins to form in childhood. In psychotherapy, as a rule, it turns out that for the first time a person heard an assessment of his own worthlessness in childhood from a significant adult, and a little later he subconsciously accepted this as his own opinion.

Identification with the aggressor - in which the victim “whitens” the image of the aggressor. In this case, we are talking about primary independent self-humiliation and self-condemnation, unpleasant statements addressed to oneself by the victim before the aggressor does it (or would do it in the victim’s mind).

How to understand your own sense of dignity? First of all, answer two questions:

What am I proud of about myself?
What aspects of my personality and life would I like to hide?

Additionally, you can note what values and guidelines prevail in society and a certain group. How do they relate to the previous answers? Sometimes it turns out that both a reason for pride and a subject of mystery are one and the same. How is this possible? When the development situation does not correspond to the realities and characteristics of the individual, it infringes on it.

The work of preserving and restoring self-esteem involves sorting out the “mess” in your head into conscious and subconscious, distinguishing between your own judgments and those of others from the outside. But only a professional psychoanalyst can carry out such work. The fact is that if there are obvious problems in self-esteem and signs, then independent “flashes” of rationality and clear perception of the situation will not be stable.

The goal of work to restore and maintain self-esteem is to receive and accept the real Self, separating it from all imposed and fictitious images:

The feeling that I exist. You need to realize your self, the very fact of the existence of a unique person with his own actions, reactions, thoughts and feelings.
Awareness of who I am. Working with self-esteem involves realizing and searching for what kind of person he is and how he lives. The importance of personality already follows from this.
Self-esteem is the value I place on my personality. If self-esteem is adequate, then I positively characterize my image. With low self-esteem, self-image is negative, causing self-deprecation and feelings of inferiority. The roots of self-esteem are always anchored in the subconscious.

How to independently adjust the heart rate? First of all, realize that you really need it. Without. With its help, regain self-love and unconditional respect, and then find something for which you can be proud of yourself. Don't try to please all people. Choose your criteria for a worthy person and listen to the opinions of significant others.

Learn to say “no” and make decisions based on your own beliefs. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone, do as you see fit.

Get rid of the craving for servility and (being abandoned, misunderstood, unaccepted, etc.).

Interact with people when you want to (or do so that you want to), and not under duress and for the sake of the status of a “worthy person”.

Recognize your rights and the rights of others to have different interests and desires. Exercise your right and do not interfere with others. Remember that personal interests do not always coincide, but every person has the right to satisfy them.

Set personal boundaries: what you will not allow in relation to yourself and what you yourself will never do in relation to other people. Maintain these boundaries unwaveringly.

Learn to speak sincerely and appropriately about your achievements and merits, do not be afraid of compliments, and do not be ashamed of your merits. Record your achievements, compare yourself exclusively with yourself. It is useful to make a collage of your life at home with all your plans and victories, the means to achieve your goal.

Self-esteem is not given at birth. This is a product of socialization, education, teaching, suggestion, copying models, self-education, and so on.

Thus, in order to correct and maintain self-esteem, you need to work with self-esteem, self-confidence, independence, success, inner peace and harmony. Self-esteem is an individual’s self-respect, a sense of value and significance. Under what conditions will you be valuable and meaningful to yourself? What do you value in people?

Self-esteem is a very important component of every person’s life. For a woman, it is a primary feeling that can help her find the way to herself and understand that she deserves all the best.

Selfishness should not be confused with this feeling. Self-esteem is inner confidence in oneself and in the fact that the Universe will give us the best, and we deserve it.

Why does a woman have no self-esteem?

From childhood we are taught that we need to work hard so that someone can give us what we want. And we work on ourselves with such confidence to achieve perfection and finally become worthy of something good. We have forgotten that with birth we have already been given everything we need and it is the best for us. But we cannot take advantage of this because we consider ourselves “not good enough” to accept it.

This usually happens due to the fact that most often from childhood we are deprived of the care, security and care that our parents could have surrounded us with. After all, they work for the benefit of us, earning money for necessary needs, forgetting about the inner world of their daughter.

Now is the time when all these understandings are remembered and there are people who think about it and put it into their lives and the lives of their children.

Dignity awakens in a woman when she begins to understand and appreciate her desires. Contrary to what we are told, we need to forget about ourselves, and above all we need to look good in the eyes of others and work for the good of society.

In fact, you cannot do much for others without taking care of yourself, and without being filled with love and harmony.

How to develop self-esteem?

Therefore, I propose, first of all, to look at ourselves and remember that we are women, we came here initially pure and divine, and worthy of the best in the world. And you don’t need to prove this to anyone. All these are games of our Ego, which constantly compares us with others. We are the way God created us, and this is at least perfect.

We are taught from childhood that we must study well, obey and take care of everyone. And we grow up and do this, forgetting about ourselves.

It is necessary to stop and look inside yourself, listen to your desires and allow yourself to have all these desires, and, most importantly, we have the right to fulfill them all, please ourselves with little things and allow ourselves to do the things we love. After all, this fills and pleases us so much.

For some reason, many women think that if they take care of themselves, the world around them will collapse. That there will be no one to take care of the family and children.

In fact, nothing will collapse if you devote a couple of hours to yourself and fulfill your desires. If you think that someone else should do this for you, then you are very mistaken. It all starts with your inner attitude towards yourself, and then all the people around you reflect it to you.

Therefore, if you want something, take it and do it. If you want chocolate, buy it, if you want flowers, treat yourself, or maybe you want to go to a beauty salon, then this is a must. Please yourself as often as possible, and do it out of pleasure, and do not torment yourself later with remorse that you could have bought something for your children or husband. They need, first of all, a calm and happy mother and wife, and not another pair of sneakers.

Signs of a woman with self-esteem

A woman with self-esteem knows that she will always be taken care of. What if she finds herself in a difficult situation at this moment there will always be someone who will help her. She will use the feminine principle and ask for help, and worthy men will definitely help her.

A self-confident woman will think that she can do everything herself and will resist doing it, losing her femininity and energy. She is confident that she does not need support, that she has everything already planned and will achieve everything on her own. That is why she is being deprived of this support.

The principle of independence is a purely masculine principle. A woman was born to fulfill her desires, through inner filling with love and harmony.

A woman with self-esteem always looks great because she lovingly takes care of her soul and body, pleasing herself with different and amazing things. She does it with joy and love, and not because it is necessary. Such a woman does not do anything through force, because everything we do in spite of ourselves takes away our energy and devastates us.

Our task as women is to do everything with joy, and sometimes this is not very easy.

Also self-esteem A does not allow women to run after men and beg for love. A woman can allow or not allow herself to be loved. She deserves to choose the best from her fans, and does not allow herself to be treated unworthily. Such relationships are terminated immediately.

When such a woman chooses a worthy man for herself, she devotes her life to him. But this in no way deprives her of self-esteem. She knows that he is the best, she helps him and, most importantly, believes in him, without forgetting about herself and not sacrificing herself. Such a woman is filled with love herself, and thereby fills her man with strength and energy.

As soon as a woman loses her self-esteem in a relationship, her partner mirrors this to her with his disrespect and unworthy behavior. Therefore, carefully monitor your mirrors so that you can return to yourself in time.

I hope I have convinced you that self-esteem is simply necessary, like air, for a woman.

I wish you to appreciate and love yourself. Remember that you are already a Goddess, for whom the best has already been prepared. You just need to accept it.

With love to you, Marina Danilova.

First you need to understand what self-esteem is in order to know why it is important to have, maintain, and develop it.

So, we are surrounded by a huge number of objects, each of which we can characterize from the standpoint of cost, price, value. If we talk about people in this aspect, then we have a certain abstract value - a spiritual component that has absolute value. Exactly self-esteem- the measure that limits the maximum possible spiritual flourishing of a person, his inner freedom, and opportunities.

If it is so important, then it needs to be nurtured and formed. How to do this?

Build self-esteem not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. It is only worth remembering that even in childhood we develop this feeling of self-confidence. And it is how we react to our mistakes and our shortcomings that determines our path in this world. If we, as kids, get our first, negative experience in one of the areas of life, this can lead to the appearance of a psychological complex, and as a result, problems in the future.

It is for this reason that it is important from the first days, from the first steps, to realize that we cannot be successful in all existing areas of activity, that our talent can only reveal itself in one or several areas. It is with this approach that the education of one’s self, one’s significance begins, and this is how a sense of self-worth is born.

If your child is interested in technology and engineering, you can send him to a math club or give him educational games. Sports? It is advisable to write it in a section. If he is interested in art, give him a musical instrument. Thus, any skill that is clearly visible in a person must be developed and cultivated. Every achievement is worthy of encouragement.

You can rest assured that success in one area will lead to confidence in other areas and activities. At the same time, when raising your own child, you should not forget about him - permissiveness and lack of parental support make a person insecure, give rise to a feeling of uncertainty and insecurity.

Thus, discipline, perseverance, endurance, resistance to whims and weaknesses - all this, together with love and respect, forms a sense of self-worth in a person. A person must understand the true essence of such values as kindness, honesty, love, respect, and never forget about them.

How to maintain self-esteem throughout your life?
Let’s not sugarcoat it, sometimes it’s very difficult. It is well known that self-esteem is nothing more than a person’s internal judge. Of course, this value is not always constant - it either lifts you to heaven when everything works out for you, or lowers you to the deepest depths of guilt and self-flagellation when you make mistakes and suffer defeat.

Low self-esteem often accompanies people who do things in their lives that they hate and/or live with people they don’t like. Moreover, internally, people understand that they are tired of this, that this is not right, but at the same time, they cannot change anything, and they hate themselves for this powerlessness. However, one should not confuse self-esteem and self-esteem (or rather, the lack thereof) with a pessimistic mood.

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There are several ways proposed by psychologists to increase self-esteem and develop self-esteem. However, at the basis of each of the paths lies the awareness of the fact that it is impossible to continue living this way, it is necessary to change. The first step after this is the desire and understanding that in fact your life, and everything that happens to you, depends on you, that you can correct the situation by reprogramming yourself for success, luck, and increasing your level of self-esteem.

How can you turn negative information, negative feelings, negative facts into positive ones?
Any negative message that you encounter must be decomposed into root causes, consequences, components, reformulated, and transformed into positive information. If your expectations in any business were not met, think about whether you really needed to succeed in this? If you have lost your job, think about whether this is a sign that it is time to change your work environment for the better? At the same time, any negative, any difficulty makes you wiser, stronger, more experienced.

What else can help you maintain, or even increase, your self-esteem? This is positive psychotherapy, and exclusively independent. What's the secret? If you consider yourself boring and unattractive, you must draw conclusions from why you think so and change yourself to your ideal - the kind of self you love. At the same time, you should not forget to repeat phrases such as “I am attractive,” “I am changing,” “I am constantly changing for the better.” This applies not only to personal life, but also to work. Self-improvement, for example in programming or driving a car, and repeating “I am the best programmer/driver” will also bring positive results.

By becoming more confident and increasing your self-esteem, you will achieve your first victory. After the first, the second will follow, which will also increase your self-esteem and faith in a positive future, and gradually, without noticing it, you will transform your life into a successful one, which you could previously only see in your wildest dreams.

Creative visualization can also bring a lot of benefits to your life. So, from time to time you should imagine that you already own what you want to own, live the life you want to live, spend time with those with whom you want to spend it. Thus, you will gradually accustom yourself to positive changes, develop self-confidence, healthy optimism, and a thirst for new victories.

If you want to maintain your self-esteem, take this article seriously, draw the right conclusions from it, and take a path that is not as simple as “continuing to go with the flow,” but the right, true path. And then no reproaches, humiliations, and blows of fate will be able to bring you to your knees, you will learn to keep your mark, and those around you will learn to appreciate and respect you.

Remember, everything works out only for those who take the first step!