- Are you not completely satisfied with your life?
- Looking for an Orthodox psychologist?
- Do you want to get results as soon as possible?
Churched Orthodox Christians usually seek advice from a specialist who combines knowledge from both psychology and the spiritual sphere (Orthodoxy) in his practice. But finding such a specialist, and at the same time sufficiently qualified, can be difficult. Therefore, many are considering the possibility of online consultation with an Orthodox psychologist.
The online form is very convenient. Firstly, you don't need to go anywhere. Secondly, this consultation anonymous, secondly, it passes in writing, which makes it possible for both participants in the dialogue - the client and the specialist - to weigh every word. This also allows the specialist to recommend reading materials during the consultation, which significantly increases the effectiveness of assistance: by the end of the consultation, the client comes with a completely different level of understanding of his situation. You can save the text of this consultation and subsequently refer to it again and again.
We provide consultations on almost all psychological problems of personal life and relationships.
Consulted by the best specialistscola of Love, which is part of the project"Perezhit.ru" - the largest psychological project on the Russian-language Internet. They have extensive experience in remote consultations and use knowledge from both psychology and Orthodoxy in their assistance, in the application of both, focusing on the needs of the client.
The head and chief consultant of the School, Dmitry Semenik, is the author of more than 20 popular books on the most pressing spiritual and psychological issues. These books, together with the websites of the Perezhit.ru group, have already helped hundreds of thousands of people to safely survive their crisis situations, change their lives for the better, become happier, and save the well-being of their families.
Many of Dmitry Semenik's books were published in Romania by local Orthodox publishing houses.
Principles of online consultation with an Orthodox psychologist
In general, when seeking any advice from an Orthodox psychologist, anywhere, you should understand the following. A person’s personality is not some kind of mechanism that a psychologist can “fix” the way a car mechanic repairs a car. Everything here is not the same as in auto repair and not even the same as in the healing of bodily ailments. In healing the soul, in healing a person’s life, the main role belongs not to a specialist (psychologist, priest, etc.), but to the person himself. The role of a psychologist is auxiliary - to correctly diagnose the causes of the problem, that is, to understand why you feel bad. And, accordingly, determine what you need to change in your life and in your outlook on life in order to feel good. And the work itself to change one’s life, views, habits is the client’s business. No specialist will do this for you, will not live your life for you.
Therefore, when seeking advice from an Orthodox psychologist, and in general for any help in healing your internal problems, you should not relax too much, as we relax on the operating table or at a dentist’s appointment. We need to prepare for joint creativity. To help a specialist help you better, try to help him understand the problem. To do this, describe not so much your experiences as their reasons. Analyze your goals and the goals of other participants in the situation. Don't be shy to talk about your mistakes. Don't focus too much on other people's mistakes - they weren't the ones who asked for help. Briefly outline the situation of your parent's family - with whom you lived as a child, what was the relationship between them and their attitude towards you. Talk about your life goals and spiritual life.
"Specialist Consultation"— 2450 rub.
This course provides the opportunity to receive advice from an Orthodox specialist on your situation in the form of text messages. The consultation-dialogue consists of 5 consecutive question-answer pairs, lasting no more than two weeks (after 2 weeks the course ends even if you did not have time to ask all 5 questions).
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It is very good if you have completed one or more of our other courses before seeking advice. Then, considering your situation, the specialist will be able to get acquainted with how you passed the tests, get to know you much better (better than many psychologists during an in-person appointment) and therefore the diagnosis of the problem will be more accurate.
Our courses give the same effect as a series of consultations with a psychologist, but in most cases - greater. We said above that the help of a psychologist will not produce results without the work of the client. So these courses represent the most perfect form of such work.
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How it works?
It's very simple! You take our online courses at any time convenient for you, in any place convenient for you, from any device, even on the road from your phone. .
What is the School’s unique methodology based on?
It's reliable: behind the easy and convenient form of our courses is the Orthodox, patristic understanding of the life of the human soul, as well as 12 years of experience of the largest charitable project in the field of psychology on the Russian-language Internet - the Perezhit.ru group of sites.
Who are Orthodox psychologists?
An Orthodox psychologist is a specialist of the Orthodox worldview who understands the confessional characteristics and ethical guidelines of Christians, selects appropriate methods of work and sees the relationship between psychological and spiritual problems. I want to say right away: I do not give out spiritual advice. You cannot try on the role of a “great guru” or an “old man,” although the clients themselves sometimes expect this.
By secular profession, I am a business psychologist, consultant on human resources management and business process optimization. I graduated from the psychology department of Moscow State University, and completed additional training in psychodrama, gestalt therapy and other methods of psychotherapy. In order to become an Orthodox psychologist, it is not necessary to receive an Orthodox education, although now such educational institutions already exist.
I regularly had to explain that psychology is not Satanism
Orthodox psychologists often work for donations or for free, but since counseling began to take up more than 80 percent of my time, I determined the base cost per hour, which is low relative to Moscow prices. At the same time, if someone has a crisis and at the same time a difficult financial situation, I agree to a lower payment or even free consultation. Now I earn significantly less than before, when I was mainly engaged in business consulting.
Are Orthodox people afraid of psychology?
Some people believe that psychologists compete with priests, fight with them for the souls of their flock. Others are afraid that they might be hypnotized. And just eight years ago I regularly had to explain that psychology is not Satanism. The biggest misconception is that an Orthodox person does not need psychology, it is supposedly for non-believers. I always say: if a person has not resolved internal conflicts, has an old neurosis, then he will not be able to begin spiritual life. Sometimes neurotic people with an aggressive pattern of behavior denounce heretics, destroy exhibitions and present a picture of completely inadequate non-Christian malice.
Christ did not give ultimatums to any of the harlots with whom he associated
Who wouldn't be consulted by an Orthodox psychologist?
A psychologist who chooses clients solely on religious grounds is not a psychologist. But if some life attitudes are completely incompatible with the basic Christian worldview, I simply understand that it will be difficult for me, as a believer, to find mutual understanding with this client. The psychologist should openly discuss his position and decide together with the client whether it makes sense to continue working.
For example, I would not advise a man who asked how he could better pick up girls for one night. But I would ask why he needs this and what scares him in a long-term relationship. Perhaps this way we would get to his real problems.
What will an Orthodox psychologist do if a homosexual comes to him?
A person does not choose their sexual orientation, so from a dogmatic point of view that is not the problem. The church considers the practice of homosexual relations to be a sin. In such cases, I ask why the person came to me: if there is an internal conflict between faith and orientation, I work with this, helping the client find a way out that is acceptable to him.
One option is lifelong abstinence. On the one hand, this sounds cruel, but on the other hand, in the church many categories of people are called to. For example, all unmarried people, widows and widowers who have not remarried. But from both a spiritual and psychological point of view, it must be a personal choice. I consider it unacceptable to demand abstinence from another person. If we turn to the Holy Scriptures, we will see that Christ did not issue ultimatums to any of the harlots with whom he associated.
Often homosexuals come with the fact that they consider their orientation a sin; they have a feeling of being abandoned by God and despair. I say that I can help cope with despair, but no one has yet succeeded in changing orientation. In this, by the way, I disagree with the conservative part of our church circles, because they tend to reject such people. But I believe in enlightenment.
What does an Orthodox psychologist do if a client wants to resolve an issue using a method that does not accept Christianity?
To dissuade means to take responsibility for the fate of another. And this is wrong and even cruel towards an adult and a person with free will.
If a woman came to me who was planning to have an abortion, I would help her understand herself and the situation so that she could make an informed decision. Any Orthodox psychologist has a completely definite position on this matter, which is worth warning the client about.
If a woman has already had an abortion, this does not mean that she has no chance of God's forgiveness. As long as a person is alive, there is always a chance. This is one of the foundations of asceticism - to separate sin from the sinner. The sinner must be loved, and sin must be hated. If a person does not understand that his action is a sin, then he simply needs to record the difference in understanding, say it out loud and work further in a paradigm that does not contradict the views of the therapist.
Even the Lord does not encroach on free will, and even more so it is not appropriate for a psychologist to do this
Do priests also need psychological counseling?
Clergymen have the same personal and family problems, and often they have no one to consult with. In addition, they experience professional burnout, but they rarely turn to professionals for this. It is believed that clergy should solve these problems not in a mental, that is, psychological, but in a spiritual way, discussing, for example, problems with their spiritual fathers, but, unfortunately, not everyone has them.
What are religious traumas?
People come to church for various reasons: they want to find peace of mind, get rid of neuroses, feel God's grace. Often they lack what in psychology is called unconditional acceptance, that is, the belief that someone can love them just like that. People go to church for this, but are faced with the fact that conditions are set for them, including clergymen - sometimes as harshly as parents, husbands, wives, bosses, but only now this is all considered spiritual, sanctified by the authority of the church. Because of this cruelty, ideals often collapse - and a person’s trauma is not healed, but only worsens.
Whether or not to return to church after this is a person’s choice. Even the Lord does not encroach on free will, and even more so it is not appropriate for a psychologist to do this. In the case of religious trauma, the main tasks of a psychologist are to help a person overcome traumatic circumstances and gain the necessary stability. Sometimes such departure and rethinking leads to a conscious coming to church: a person goes to God, and not for a solution to his psychological problems.
Are there scammers among Orthodox psychologists?
Those frightened by myths about psychology are purposefully looking for an Orthodox psychologist. In our country, psychological activities are not licensed. You can hang a cross around your neck, go to church a couple of times, listen to a couple of popular lectures and declare yourself an Orthodox psychologist on the Internet, saying any nonsense that sounds close to the topic. But in most cases this is not fraud, but quackery, since the people themselves who engage in such consulting are often confident in their approach.
If a psychologist gives advice to heal by fasting, prayer and pilgrimage to holy places, this is not a psychologist
It is not difficult to distinguish a charlatan from a real psychologist. Firstly, you should pay attention to how categorical a person is. If he imposes his opinion, it means that he is most likely not a very good psychologist. You can also look at what a person writes on his social networks. Secondly, you should be wary if you see that a person does not distinguish between the areas of responsibility of a psychologist and a clergyman. If a psychologist gives advice to heal by fasting, prayer and pilgrimage to holy places, this is not a psychologist. Third, we need to see how he negotiates the result. Some pseudo-psychologists believe that since a person has come, it means that he needs to be churched, whether he wants it or not.
The Lord, of course, is strong, he works miracles, but if a person has appendicitis, you can pray and wait for his healing, or you can call an ambulance
What do Orthodox psychologists think about depression?
The idea that depression and despondency are one and the same is a terrible misconception. Differential diagnosis is important here, because these are different conditions. If you approach from an ascetic point of view, then despondency is a disease of the will, and depression is, from a scientific point of view, an imbalance of neurotransmitters. Also, the state of depression is unpleasant and unnatural for a person. And despondency, like any passion, is even pleasant at first: “Shouldn’t I go and sit down and relax?” There is also cheerful despondency - when a person seems to be busy, but with some kind of nonsense.
First you need to rule out or confirm depression. I always explain to priests the danger of depression, as well as the danger of applying to it all the ascetic means that are recommended for despondency. If a person with clinical depression is advised to fast, pray, and intensify ascetic deeds, his disorder will progress - very quickly and with an increasing risk of suicide. By the way, even those priests who don’t like psychology understand this. I tell them about the symptoms and say that if at least some of them exist, your task is to delicately and tactfully send the person to a psychiatrist. The Lord, of course, is strong, he works miracles, but if a person has appendicitis, you can pray and wait for his healing, or you can call an ambulance.
Atheists from Afisha Daily go to an Orthodox psychologist
We decided to check how Orthodox psychotherapy works in practice, so we sent atheists from the editorial office to talk to various Orthodox psychologists about their problems.
Vika Lobanova
Chief editor of the "Beauty" section
I waited an hour for my session - a man came to the Orthodox psychologist Svetlana Azarievna Shvetsova with a “real problem”, and I thought about my unreal one on my own, sitting on a bench near the Church of the Resurrection of Christ. Svetlana Azarievna provides individual consultations and conducts group sessions in the refectory of this very church near the Semenovskaya metro station, and at the same time teaches at the Russian Orthodox University of St. John the Theologian.
Before the meeting, I read what they usually talk about for the first time (about family, study, work - about the background), how to correctly formulate the problem (no way, more precisely - formulate it however you want, the psychologist’s task is to hear you), than in the ideal world, the hour of conversation should end (with a work plan for the future). I realized that I don’t have huge problems or I don’t see them, but there is something to discuss. My trust is structured like this: I can tell a stranger something that I couldn’t even articulate to myself, so everything definitely had to go well.
She - so it seemed to me - in a condescending mode with a sad smile, decided that I was “a kind and bright person with a high level of hope”, therefore “everything will be fine”
The first question - how do I feel after waiting an hour for a meeting to which I arrived on time - immediately aroused sympathy, but the sharp transition to “you” after my answer, on the contrary, repulsed me. The psychologist mentioned several times that our technique was playful, so she didn’t want to talk about anything serious. It wasn't even unpleasant - everyone was aware of the experiment. We discussed my age, education and family - Svetlana Azarievna carefully wrote everything down on paper and drew diagrams of family ties. She tried to apply the Zeigarnik effect to me - I said that I didn’t understand what it was, and she explained in detail that this is a phenomenon of remembering unfinished actions: we forget what we successfully completed rather than what we failed to complete. Once she mentioned the holy fathers, on whose wisdom Orthodox psychology seems to be based, without edification or pressure, as simply as she could have referred to Jung. She listened attentively and asked questions, but did not help look for answers. Perhaps I should have thought of something myself, but I didn’t succeed either five years before this reception or in the half hour that it took place. We talked about a little bit of everything, and it seems that in principle there are no taboo topics at such a consultation.
And towards the end of the meeting we started walking in circles. Different formulations of the same question led me to a self-evident answer, but I deliberately did not voice it - it was obvious, and I came for another one that I could not find myself. Soon, apparently, the psychologist got tired of it too. She - so it seemed to me - with a condescending smile decided that I was “a kind and bright person with a high level of hope,” therefore “everything will be fine.”
This was (not counting the comical experience while studying abroad) my first trip to a psychologist, and this despite the fact that I adore the uberized services of booking anywhere through the application - from a massage therapist to a gynecologist. Before my eyes are examples of friends, both desperate and revived after therapy, and, of course, I want to try it on myself. If such a service were invented and launched by the Russian Orthodox Church, I would go without hesitation. As for me, an Orthodox psychologist is no different from a non-Orthodox one - they are all late sometimes.
I recently received a degree in psychology, so I was especially interested in seeing how my Orthodox colleagues work. Over the past few years, I have periodically worked with counseling psychologists, mainly specialists involved in transactional analysis and humanistic psychology. In simple words, our work was aimed at teaching me how to build an internal dialogue and clearly separate the concepts of “I want” and “I need.”
I can’t say that the approach of psychologist Mikhail Leonidovich Kotlyarevsky was significantly different. It seemed to me that in his case, “Orthodox” is not so much about the paradigm in which he works, but about clients: Mikhail mainly works with believers, churchgoers.
The Church should not act as a controlling body that tells a person what to do, but rather as a friend and advisor
My experience shows that you need to agree with a consultant: the psychologist must be pleasant to you so that you can truly work with him. In our case, this did not happen - I was extremely uncomfortable discussing my problems with Mikhail. This is due not so much to his professionalism or any peculiarities of his approach, but to simple human differences.
Our session took place in a noisy and crowded cafe “Grabli” on Pushkinskaya - this really interfered with the conversation, since it was quite difficult to listen and speak. In our conversation, I did not notice any elements of the sermon. In his work, Mikhail primarily relies on some basic humanistic principles and tries to combine the approaches of various psychological movements. According to the Orthodox consultant, regardless of the degree of religiosity, a person must build an internal dialogue himself and understand what is truly important to him. The Church should not act as a controlling body that tells a person what to do, but rather as a friend and advisor.
We discussed the problem of loneliness, which is quite significant for me. Since our meeting was the first and, moreover, partly forced (after all, it was an editorial experiment), we were not able to work in detail with my request, but Mikhail told several stories of his clients. For example, he worked with an elderly woman who was prone to depression caused by loneliness. During the work, the consultant managed to shift the focus of her attention from her own problems, which were not possible to solve, to the problems of others. The pensioner began to help organize pilgrimage tours and through this she was able to overcome the feeling of abandonment and uselessness.
It seems to me that it is definitely worth contacting an Orthodox consultant in cases where religious beliefs come into conflict with desires and the surrounding reality. According to Mikhail, often believers give priests the role of parents who dictate to them what to do, praise them or punish them. And many clergy are taking up this role.
Olga Chukovskaya
Editor of the "Beauty" section
I haven’t established any connection with psychology or religion - we live wonderfully without each other, we don’t get bored and don’t complain. I saw a psychologist once in my life at the request of another person - and I didn’t get anything worthwhile from there. Things are the same with faith - our parents did not consider it necessary to guide us and rather supported natural self-development. In general, I am open to everything new, so I went to an Orthodox psychologist without any prejudices, with a clean slate.
“Homosexuality is a type of deviation that should be worked through with a psychotherapist, and not with a psychologist”
Orthodox psychologist Irina Anatolyevna Rakhimova works on Tverskaya Street in a historical building built on the site of the Savvino-Storozhevsky Monastery. In 2000, part of the building was given to the church - and then a gallery of Russian and Byzantine icons, as well as an Orthodox Family help center, appeared here.
Since I have no experience communicating with a psychologist, the first minutes of our meeting passed in awkward silence. I didn't understand how to behave. I can’t come to a person and just start talking about problems? As a result, I started: I described my work, family and free time activities, but we could not find any problem. Then I started asking questions that interested me for the material.
“We will always support the institution of marriage and will never support infidelity or having lovers, unlike secular psychologists”
I found out that Irina Anatolyevna does not consult homosexuals, but not because she has any position on them, but because she believes that this is not in her competence: “Homosexuality is a type of deviation that should be worked out with a psychotherapist, and not with a psychologist." We are silent. Then I ask questions about family counseling, and everything is clear: “We don’t give advice, but help to understand the situation. We will always support the institution of marriage and will never support infidelity or having lovers, unlike secular psychologists. There are situations where divorce is the only solution, but I try to bring the person to the very core of the problem and try to find solutions together. If sermons and prayers help a person, that’s good. And we will help you figure out what exactly you need to ask God for.”
Irina Anatolyevna works not only with Orthodox Christians, she also accepts Muslim couples or people of uncertain religion (like me). I began to talk about my slight feeling of awkwardness at the first session, and Irina Anatolyevna told a story from her work experience: “At one time, the husband of a regular client came to see me. At the first session, he came in with his briefcase, sat down in a chair and put the briefcase on his knees - he sat like that for an hour. At the second session, he placed the briefcase near the chair. On the third, the briefcase remained near the window, and the posture in the chair became more relaxed.” This story amused me, relaxed me a little, but did not help establish a dialogue.
There is an opinion that after visiting a psychologist a person should feel relaxed, open to everything new, inspired and fluttering. This was clearly not the case for me. I went out, checked my work email and continued with my life.
Perhaps there have never been situations in my life that I would like to discuss with a professional. Can I recommend Irina Anatolyevna? Rather yes than no. The format of the experiment was not entirely suitable: the psychologist knew that I was a journalist, and I knew that I had no acute problems. As for religiosity, I didn’t notice anything here either, except for the icons that looked at us from the buffet. Irina Anatolyevna is a pleasant and personable person, she may well help me sort myself out, I just won’t know about it. She also offers cookies for free.
Here we present Orthodox psychologists and psychotherapists whom we know well and whom we can strongly recommend. Situations are different, psychologists’ methods are also different, some accept for money, others help as free psychologists. But they all work face-to-face - for none of them online psychology is the main focus. Therefore, it is impossible to say in advance who will help better in your situation. Read, call, communicate, work!
The list includes the best Orthodox psychologists in Moscow and some of the best Orthodox psychologists in other cities.
Psychological service “Orthodox family psychologist” (Chelyabinsk)
Orthodox psychologists, narcologists, psychiatrists, lawyers, etc. participate in the consulting work. Some of the specialists have academic degrees of candidate and doctor of science. The head of the Psychological Service “Orthodox Family Psychologist” is Larisa Vasilievna Kirzhanova, Candidate of Psychological Sciences, an active participant in our online psychology projects.
Orthodox people often have a wary attitude towards psychology: isn’t this something harmful to the soul? But this stereotype is broken by life itself. It turns out that psychologists can also be Orthodox, and, moreover, they can work in conjunction with priests, each for their part helping people solve not only mental, but also partly spiritual problems.
How does this happen? We are talking with the head of the Orthodox Center for Crisis Psychology at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya in Moscow, Mikhail Khasminsky.
From police officers to psychologists
- You used to work in the police, then you became a psychologist. An atypical plot, to be honest.
Yes, overall atypical. When I worked in law enforcement, I already had a second, psychological, education, received as an additional education when I studied at the Academy of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, in the early 1990s. I must say that the level of teaching there was very serious, and, what is important, we were aimed at practical work with people, especially with people who found themselves in difficult life situations and, first of all, with victims of criminal crimes. That is, I had two higher educations: one legal, the other psychological. And when I subsequently worked in various operational positions, I used the acquired psychological knowledge situationally; it remained with me, as it were, in the background.
- How did it happen that you suddenly became an Orthodox psychologist?
You know, I myself am surprised by this trajectory: from police officers to psychologists. After all, I didn’t have any special interest in psychology at that time! It’s hard to believe that you can one day go to the Trinity-Sergius Lavra and return as a different person, with completely different thoughts, worldview, and desires.
- Why is it difficult?
Because, looking from the outside, in my opinion, it’s hard to believe it. In general, it’s very difficult for me to talk about this, it was a real miracle. In the most general terms: one day, quite by accident, I went to the Trinity-Sergius Lavra and venerated the relics of St. Sergius of Radonezh. And suddenly, right on the way back to Moscow, I realized that I was in the wrong place. Suddenly there was a clear desire to help cancer patients. At this time, by the way, my mother also had cancer in the last stage, which after that trip unexpectedly went into stable remission, surprising the doctors. I go, quit my job and get a job as a psychologist at the Russian Oncology Research Center named after. Blokhin Academy of Medical Sciences and a volunteer at the First Hospice for Children with Cancer.
Probably, the question arises: if a person commits such somersaults, then how did he serve so long in the police and how was he trusted with weapons (smiles). But I assure you, it was completely normal, God just visited. Although from the outside, perhaps it really looked strange.
- So you left the police not because you were disappointed in this work?
No. There was no disappointment. It’s just that when God visits a person, life is seen from a slightly different angle and a different meaning and other points of application appear in it, and accordingly, other places of service open up.
- I ask because there are many prejudices against this profession in society...
In the police (and now in the police), as elsewhere, there are different people. I can say that during my service I saw absolutely amazing people in the security forces, selfless people who really cared about the cause. And these prejudices are caused by ignorance of the real situation in the police, and some personal problems, complexes, and, sometimes, mistakes of police officers. And in general, they always don’t like those who keep order. For example, schoolchildren, do they like teachers? Moreover, now many people base their ideas about law enforcement agencies on the basis of stupid television series!
- But why did you leave?
I don't know how to talk about this. Well, how can you explain what happens to you in a few hours? When everything changes inside and you realize that you are not where you need to be.
- Is there anything in common between the work of an operative and a psychologist?
One of the important professional qualities of an opera is the ability to systematically objectively analyze any information. It is also important for an operative to understand the psychology of different people. But simply by memorizing textbooks and passing tests, you will not become a professional. A law enforcement officer must have a lively, quick mind, innovative thinking, responsibility, attentiveness, flexibility, proper motivation, and a kind heart. There must also be honesty, a certain personal directness, in order to be able to see and express the truth that a person very often hides from himself. These same qualities are important for a practicing psychologist. He must be very sober, very critical of what the person who turned to him for help tells about himself (because people tend to embellish something, hide something, interpret something arbitrarily). And usually he must tell the patient the truth, even if sometimes unpleasant. Yes, sometimes a psychologist should also be a vest where you can cry, but this vest can also be quite tough, so to speak, a bulletproof vest. That is, you need to understand the person, you need to let him express his feelings, but after that, clearly identify the essence of his problem and responsibly offer real ways to solve it. This may be perceived as harshness, but it is often necessary.
Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya, Moscow. Photo by Lodo27
Problems: psychological or spiritual?
- So, you decided to become a psychologist. Why is there a psychologist in the church at all? After all, there is already a priest there.
Material on the topic
Why does a good God allow mass death and suffering of people? Is it right for a Christian to be afraid of disasters and how can this fear be overcome?
Indeed, a psychologist is not needed in the temple itself. He does not participate as a psychologist in worship. Unless he helps out in his free time from his work - as an altar boy. This is exactly what I do sometimes.
But a psychologist can work at the temple, giving psychological consultations. And this, by the way, is also social service and church obedience. The psychologist thus does a very important job, helping the priest in counseling. Service may be different, but it is service.
Why do people even go to a psychologist at a church when there is already a priest in the church itself? Why don't they go straight to the priest?
Not in every church the priest is always available, he does not always have enough time, he does not always have enough knowledge and experience to help in solving not spiritual, but psychological problems (although they are often related). Usually they still go to the priest to resolve spiritual issues. But since a person is three-part (spirit, soul, body), it is logical to assume that a person should go to a priest for help in spiritual matters, with spiritual infirmities - to a psychologist, and with diseases of the body, turn to doctors. And if a person has psychological problems (and almost everyone has them), then they need to be dealt with professionally.
- What problems does your Center work with?
We do not work with mental illnesses (there are psychiatrists for this) and addictions; specialists at our center sometimes work with neuroses, psychosomatics, and psychological problems of children, but the main focus is crises. A crisis is a difficult condition, a turning point. These include family problems, difficult divorces, the psychological state during a serious illness, the experience of violence, the state after the death of a loved one, and some others. Now we are still working with refugees, rehabilitation and adaptation of people who were in the combat zone. And, of course, people often come to church from outside, they know almost nothing about the Church, they just find themselves in a difficult situation and, largely out of desperation, they go to church. They are going through a crisis, and this is a very painful state. And a professional should work with them, who will be both a specialist and a missionary. For example, a person comes in grief, and you need to understand what stage of grief this person is at, how exactly he experiences his misfortune, what resources can be offered to him, what questions he should receive an answer to make him feel better, and so on.
-Can’t a priest do this?
The fact is that not every priest knows how to do this. Clergymen are not yet taught, for example, the psychology of grief. Therefore, mistakes can be made here. Let’s say, if a person suddenly comes and says that he wants to kill himself, then what should the priest do?
- If the priest begins to say that this is a great sin, will that be a mistake?
Most often yes.
- Why?!
Yes, because if a person is thinking about suicide and wants to end his life, he no longer believes God! Or at least doesn’t believe Him enough, doesn’t trust Him. Therefore, theological arguments do not work on him. He came with inner pain, and first one must be able to understand him, accept him, console him, and then give him the advice he needs and understands. And be sure to present arguments that he would understand and could evaluate, and not build complex theological constructions or read sermons. In addition, it is necessary to determine the type of personality, quickly and professionally assess his condition and the degree of his adequacy, and also, by asking questions, try to understand the degree of his determination. Most likely, a priest without special knowledge and experience in working with suicide victims will not be able to do this. After all, one in such a situation should be recommended medication - antidepressants. Another needs to read an understandable book, and the third needs to be loaded with feasible service, help, pity, and so on.
- But there have never been psychologists at churches before.
Of course it wasn't. Previously, there weren’t many things: no psychologists, no psychiatrists, no antidepressants. Previously, people were wiser, and crises were simpler. Of course, their loved ones also died or there were some problems in the family, but they were internally structured differently. For example, being Orthodox, you can understand what the meaning of life and suffering is, why create a family, and so on. Previously, most people knew the answers to these questions. It's not the same now.
Previously, no one would have thought to say “don’t cry” to a person whose loved one had just died. There were even rituals of crying, the institution of mourners. When someone died, everyone calmly mourned him, so to speak. No one took the children aside and lied to them that grandfather had gone somewhere for a long time.
Or there were almost no divorces then, because people with families came to the wise priest. Now who comes like this, are there many such people? There are a huge number of divorces, but if people go somewhere, it’s more likely to see a secular psychologist, whose views are not based on God’s laws as an absolute coordinate system. Well, accordingly, nothing can be structured. So it turns out that there are many psychologists, but the psychological state of the population leaves much to be desired.
Here you can see that this has its own logic. If psychology is a science, then it should describe psychological reality, and not evaluate it according to the principle of “good” or “bad.”
But these assessments are also an interpretation of psychological reality! I am convinced that most of the psychological problems of modern man arise from the fact that people do not fulfill God’s commandments.
The non-judgmental nature of secular psychology is about the same as if a sanitary doctor answered the question “is washing your hands good or bad?” replied that he could not give a definite answer. Would this be normal? My experience convinces me that almost any crisis psychological problem actually rests on a spiritual problem. Let me clarify: we are talking about psychological problems, not psychiatric ones. There, of course, the reasons may be somatic, heredity, or concomitant diseases.
Professional soul science
What kind of people need an Orthodox psychologist? For those of little faith or even just for those who came to church for the first time? Or churchgoers too?
There are also very religious people who turn to a psychologist. Even the abbots of churches came to me for consultation. They, too, may, for example, have a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one or seek advice about family problems.
Another problem is that some priests simply cannot speak the same language as the people who come to them. Their correct recommendations - to humble yourself, endure, pray and fast - can often only be accepted by a spiritually experienced, deeply religious person. But even among those who have been churchgoers for a long time, not everyone is like that.
Let’s say a person comes to church for the first time and has certain problems in his family, quarrels with his wife, and so on. And the priest, for example, rightly points out to him that he needs to be lenient towards his wife’s weaknesses and her nerves. And he adds that if in this case a person cannot endure the hardships and weaknesses of another, then this may be a consequence of his own proud dispensation.
What is the very likely reaction of this proud man of ours? He will say: “What are you telling me here? Am I proud? Why should I be afraid to condescend to her nonsense?”
Therefore, you still need to be able to talk to this person so that his first visit to the temple does not become his last. And it is often easier for a psychologist to understand a non-church person and be more understandable to him, but at the same time be the link that is needed for a person not only to come to the Church, but to stay there forever.
There is an idea that an Orthodox psychologist is some kind of loser who simply failed to become a secular professional. And so he called himself Orthodox and converts a certain number of people to himself only due to confessionalism.
I agree that there are no Orthodox gynecologists, Orthodox dentists or Orthodox mathematicians. Who is an Orthodox psychologist then? I think that this is a psychologist, but at the same time an internally Orthodox person who works by examining the human soul from the point of view of Orthodox anthropology*. From this point of view, he tries to understand the other person, and his responsibility is higher. An Orthodox psychologist will have to answer not only to the client, but also to God for what he did or advised. Therefore, he must carefully weigh everything he says and recommends, taking care not only of the person he is helping, but also of his soul.
By the way, literally from Greek psychology is “soul science”, and a psychologist is, accordingly, “psychologist”. In a sense, secular psychology appropriated this name for itself. After all, if you deny the human soul (and in most schools of secular psychology it is denied), then how can you “know” it? But, for example, the monks Sergius of Radonezh and Theophan the Recluse, and indeed the holy fathers in general, did not, of course, have a diploma in psychology, but nevertheless they were excellent soul experts. So Orthodox psychologists not only exist, but they often help people better than secular psychologists. In crisis situations it’s definitely better.
- Do the goals of Orthodox and secular psychology coincide?
Psychology is multifaceted, but if we consider helping people in difficult circumstances, it is no secret that many secular psychologists most often set the goal of simply calming a person down and making his life comfortable again. This is where they often get advice of this kind: “Did your husband cheat? Don't worry! Find your lover and cuckold him!”
- Is it true?
I'm not joking one bit. Even famous psychologists advise such things, publicly, in the press, TV, and glossy magazines. Nowadays, much in the secular environment is built precisely on feelings and pleasures. The main thing is to remove worries. But as? Well, for example, do the same thing - say, change in response to betrayal. And that’s it, you’re even, you can calm down. This is quite logical in that coordinate system.
Often they have no orientation towards changing the soul, they only deal with the annoying symptom. The illness of the soul remains. They've been going on like this for years. But sending a person to a real Doctor who will heal him is psychology on a completely different level. After all, the most important helper, as we know, is the Lord. Our final task, as far as possible, is to lead a person to God, because He will be the best medicine.
About Misha, who spoke
- How did you begin to combine Orthodox and crisis psychology?
Working at the Cancer Center, you naturally work with terminally ill people and their loved ones. You see tragedy, pain, suffering, fear in the souls of these people, disbelief, despair.
And in the children's hospice, where I helped as a volunteer psychologist, all this was multiplied many times over. My first little patient's name was Misha, he was about thirteen years old. He was already dying and lying at home. There were other brothers and sisters in the family, but he was lying alone, not talking to anyone. And no one knew how to help him. I ask his mother what the reason is. She answered: “I don’t know. My son withdrew into himself some time ago, that’s all. And he doesn’t communicate with us, and he doesn’t communicate with his brothers and sisters either.” And at that time I had very little experience. I basically didn’t know what to do or say here. I prayed. I had with me a disk with a recording of the sounds of nature: the sound of rain, surf, birds chirping in the forest, and so on. And I thought that maybe some kind of relaxation would help him. I suggested letting him listen to this disc for therapeutic purposes (there is such a direction as NST - Natura Sound Therapy). And literally a few days later, his mother called me and said that, after listening to these very sounds of nature several times, Misha suddenly spoke to them. And then it turned out (he told his mother) that one day in the corner of his room he clearly and absolutely really saw a frightening fire and terrible masks that made terrible faces at him and shouted that he would die very soon. The child got scared and closed in on himself.
I'm leaving out the details, but from some signs it was clear that this was not just a hallucination. Listening to him, I realized that we were talking about infernal influences, that dark forces exist and they are real. I myself was then completely unchurched, but I went to the Vysoko-Petrovsky Monastery, I entered, and the priest, now deceased, Father Boris, came towards me. I'm going to him. I didn’t yet know how to take a blessing, so I came up and simply said: “Here, father, so and so, that’s the problem.” He says: “Let's go.” I say, “But there’s no money there.” He answered: “Yes, and you don’t need anything.” Let's go right away. He gave the boy unction, and his fears ceased. After some time, Misha died, but he no longer had fears, but had faith.
That story made a great impression on me. I started visiting the monastery on Petrovka. I soon realized that I clearly didn’t know much in this life and that for real effective help it was necessary to use other resources that were not listed in textbooks, but had existed for two millennia.
When, for example, you try to really help dying cancer patients, you see that there is some kind of barrier that you run into, and your secular psychology cannot help further.
- So every psychologist comes up against this?
The one who works with seriously ill people, faces death, severe crises - yes, of course. Indeed, in such cases, understanding the problem often goes beyond the boundaries of this life. My colleagues and I tried different methods, tried to adapt both psychoanalysis and some humanistic schools. But no, it doesn't help when you're working with someone who's actually dying. You can, of course, retell what, for example, Viktor Frankl said - it’s beautiful, but usually it doesn’t work at all and doesn’t console.
But if in your work as an Orthodox psychologist you deal with an unchurched, terminally ill person, you won’t, won’t be able to simply catechize him?
Yes. And then another question arose. That's right, most of the people with whom I had to communicate could not receive the spiritual support they needed so much because they were not believers. And it became clear: in order to help them, I had to say something so that they would believe. And again, the standard words did not fit.
And despite the abundance of books, including theological ones, it turned out that there was very little that in an accessible and understandable form would immediately sink into the soul of unprepared patients. And we began to collect similar materials bit by bit, including some scientific arguments in favor of the reality of religious phenomena, for example, life after death. We searched where, relatively speaking, the spiritual and scientific converge. Of course, I do not call for trusting faith in science, but if the authority of science can support someone on the path to faith, then why not?
This is how I gained some experience. And at the same time, my churching was going on. Then certain programs appeared, including rehabilitation ones, which we wanted to promote more widely.
In general, each person actually had to say something different, avoiding declarations and stock phrases. That is, try, in your own way, to lead to faith. And all this had to be done exclusively tactfully, because the patients were different. Moreover, an additional difficulty was that the patients were not primarily looking for faith itself, because if they wanted it, they would have had it long ago. They wanted proof. And it was necessary to dig broadly and deeply enough to provide them with this objective, understandable, logical evidence to some extent.
- Evidence of what?
The same afterlife. Or that consciousness is not a product of brain activity. All these arguments were later included in many of my materials, books and articles. Although I did not specifically study missionary or catechesis anywhere.
And, of course, the conditions for working at the Cancer Center were not very suitable. It was difficult to find space there; sometimes I had to work right in the resident’s room with the doctors. This, of course, is not a format for communicating with seriously ill patients.
And then Archimandrite Augustine (Pidanov), rector of the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya, learned about our work and considered that this was an important social ministry that should be developed in the Church.
- Which one exactly?
Psychological assistance to people in crisis situations. He wrote a report to His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II. In response to this report, Patriarch Alexy blessed the creation of our crisis center. It was October 29, 2006. The Patriarch spoke about his blessing for the creation of our center a few days later in a report at the diocesan meeting. This was a kind of turning point for the center. People and journalists found out about us, and that’s how it all started. The first, by the way, were the employees of the Neskuchny Sad magazine. And thanks to their publication, we met my long-term friend and partner Dmitry Semenik, who by that time had already opened one site from the future star group. It was the site “Perezhit.ru”.
We do not invade the competence of priests
- Do people come to you because they don’t have good communication with their parish priests?
Different people come to us from completely different parishes. And, I admit, sometimes (but not very often) they talk about how they didn’t like something in their interactions with the priest. And then most often they do not return to this priest. Maybe they are going to someone else. And the Orthodox psychologist is not a priest, but he seems to be not a stranger. And, of course, believers are often justifiably afraid to turn to secular psychologists. After all, if a person with a certain worldview hears “authoritative advice” on the topic “go for a walk, love yourself, don’t give a damn about everyone,” then, as they say now, cognitive dissonance will arise - at a minimum.
An Orthodox psychologist, of course, can see the mistakes in counseling that priests sometimes make precisely in the psychological aspect. There are many reasons for these errors. For example, I have at least an hour allotted for one consultation, and priests are often under constant time pressure and have nowhere to find even that much time to talk. There are other mistakes that are made in the difficult and multifaceted pastoral ministry. And so I systematized these questions, analyzed how to avoid these mistakes, and shared my thoughts with several bishops. I did not expect such interest in this problem. And after some time, with the blessing of the ruling bishops, I conducted seminars in various metropolises on the psychological aspects of pastoral counseling. And now I continue to share this knowledge with the priests of those dioceses where I am invited.
- And what was the reaction of the priests to the stories about their possible mistakes? Was there any rejection?
There was no rejection from anyone, not even once, with anyone. On the contrary, in general it aroused great interest, although individual priests, as I saw, were not overly concerned about it. But I heard a lot of kind responses and thanks, including from the Minsk Theological Academy.
During these seminars I am often asked: okay, mistakes are more or less clear, everyone has them, every person has them. But what, in fact, should be done, how to correct them? And here I offer our real, accumulated experience in missionary service and social and psychological work with people who are in crisis situations - what we have been doing for many years on the forums and websites of the Perezhit.ru group, and those materials which we use. After all, we see real returns from our work, thanks at least to feedback on the Internet, on forums and on social networks.
- Who are "we?
- Does it happen that you send your patients to a priest?
It doesn’t just happen, but it almost always happens. If a person, for example, ends up in intensive care, it will be strange if they keep him there until he is discharged from the hospital. After all, for further treatment there are other departments and other specialist doctors. We have very close contact with priests. Our psychological service is something like intensive care in a hospital. The patient has been resuscitated - now he must be given to therapists so that they can complete his treatment. And it happens, however, the other way around. Many Moscow priests send people to us if they see that a person has a problem not only (not so much) spiritual, but also psychological.
But in general, we have an immutable rule: we never intrude into the area of spiritual nourishment. We simply do not have the blessing, the power, the experience, the knowledge, or the strength to do this. We have another task - to bring a person, if possible, to those who have such knowledge and strength, and through joint efforts to bring the suffering person to God. Therefore, it is very important that a person gets out of the crisis thanks not only to the psychological assistance provided, but also to the acquired faith. Often, in order to get out of a crisis situation, a person must change his life, build it on Christian principles.
Every parent knows how important it is to take care of their child’s health from a very early age. However, paying attention to proper nutrition, active recreation and sports activities, many sometimes forget about the mental state of their children. We talk with Orthodox psychiatrist, psychotherapist and medical psychologist, Candidate of Medical Sciences Dmitry Aleksandrovich Avdeev about how to recognize an emerging mental illness and how to protect such a vulnerable and susceptible child’s psyche in today’s troubled world.
— Dmitry Alexandrovich, why do children have mental disorders?
There are quite a lot of reasons and provoking factors. Fortunately, the child’s psyche has significant recovery reserves that help cope with a variety of stress factors. Therefore, many forms of mental disorders go away in a child on their own, without treatment. However, there are disorders that, if not treated in time, can degenerate into persistent character anomalies, and in extreme cases, into severe mental illness.
In the origin of neurotic reactions in children, most authors emphasize the negative role of improper upbringing. A well-known specialist in childhood neuroses, Professor Alexander Ivanovich Zakharov, highlights the following aspects:
- Parents' demands exceed the children's capabilities and needs.
- Rejection of children by parents, expressed by an irritated-impatient attitude, frequent reprimands, threats and physical punishment, lack of necessary tenderness and affection.
- An inconsistent approach to parenting, which is manifested by a contrasting combination of strict restrictions and prohibitions in one parent and an indulging-permissive attitude in the other.
- The inconsistency of education, its unevenness and inconsistency.
- Instability in dealing with children: raised tone, screaming, general emotional unevenness.
- Anxiety, constant worry about the child, excessive fears and precautions.
Thus, it becomes clear that psychological problems and mental disorders in a child are largely associated with incorrect parenting methods.
The manifestations of childhood neuroses are varied: emotional instability and hypersensitivity, tearfulness, easily changing mood, moodiness, excitability, difficulty falling asleep, restless sleep, fears, finger sucking, biting nails and the skin around them, stuttering, enuresis, nervous tics. Each age has its own symptoms.
Very often neurotic manifestations in children are found in the form somatic (bodily) complaints and ailments- for example, the temperature rises, abdominal pain, headaches and the like appear, which often indicates the child’s mental distress. Often, in response to unfavorable psycho-emotional circumstances, children can develop various diseases.
Let me give you an example. A grandmother came to see her about her nine-year-old granddaughter. Her parents often quarreled, argued and finally divorced, her father left the family. Against this background, the girl developed bronchial asthma, and neither allergies nor changes in bronchopulmonary tissue were detected, and the fact of frequent colds was not established. It turned out that this is a neurogenic variant of asthma, that is, the cause of asthmatic attacks was a neurotic conflict. In other words, in illness, the cry of the child’s soul came to light.
Another feature of childhood nervousness (neurotic, psychopathic) is behavioral disorders. Some children run away from home, skip school, others start smoking and try alcohol. Most of these guys are drawn to the street and raised in their own way. Who is to blame for this? Parents. We must love our children, raise them, and pray for them. Improving a child’s mental state largely depends on the parents, their spirituality, relationships with each other, and on the kind of atmosphere they are able to create in the house.
— Many modern families, living at their own discretion and rejecting God’s help, experience instability and various kinds of psychological and moral problems. These disorders are fraught with scandals and often end in divorce. How does this affect children?
A dysfunctional family is a supplier of neuroses, illnesses, drunkenness, and now drug addiction.
But even in those families where things are better, spouses often do not know who should be the leader in the house, in the name of what to raise children and what to strive for. It is painful to see how irritation with each other, anger, and dissatisfaction with life accumulate between spouses. Marital fidelity, Christian family life, examples of pious family life for a considerable part of people are just relics of the past, archaism. Dozens of articles, books, and dissertations have been written about family neuroses. The facts are crying out: every third or fourth family is “bursting at the seams.”
A family cannot build good relationships without God’s help! Only by going towards God, loving each other through love for the Creator, does a family find true happiness and fullness of being. This is proven by life, confirmed by history. Through faith, repentance, joint prayers, Christian upbringing of children and mutual love, the spouses move towards the main goal - the Kingdom of God.
Children must be protected from any harmful influence, since today a whole stream of various kinds of obscenity is pouring out on their fragile souls. Parental piety is an effective example for children to follow. Its opposites are drunkenness, lack of spirituality, immoral behavior - alas, also an effective example, but a disastrous example. His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II very accurately noted that “If there is no consciousness of the sacred in the soul, the abomination of desolation is established in it.”
Spouses must understand that the health of the child is already established during pregnancy, in utero. And how the expectant mother carries the child largely determines its health, including its mental health.
— What neurotic disorders are children susceptible to?
The largest number of childhood neuroses is observed in older preschool, primary school and adolescence. This is a feeling of mental tension, anxiety, anxiety in anticipation of upcoming troubles in everyday life; and the manifestation of obsessive images, thoughts and ritual actions; and various phobias; and neuropathy, characterized by increased irritability, capriciousness of the child, mood instability, and severe fearfulness.
One of the specific developmental disorders of school skills is dyslexia. This pathology occurs in approximately 5-6% of school-age children and the degree of its manifestation varies. Dyslexia occurs 3-4 times more often in boys than in girls. Dyslexia makes it difficult to translate letter symbols into spoken words. This is not just a slowdown in reading, but also a qualitative change in it. There are omissions, additions, substitutions or distortions of letters.
For hyperkinetic syndrome characterized by motor disinhibition and excessive (useless) activity. The child is eccentric, hysterical, acts without taking into account circumstances, and is unable to follow accepted rules of behavior. Usually, it is difficult for such children to adapt to school; they are extremely restless, absent-minded, constantly stressing everyone out and provoking other children to behave incorrectly. Feeling their inferiority, they seem to do “bad things” to those around them - a vicious circle mechanism arises. Hyperkinetic syndrome in its development has two trends. In one case, with God's help, with the competent tactics of parents, psychologists, teachers, doctors, by the age of 12-14 it weakens and disappears. In another, it transforms into psychopathy, and the personality becomes even more maladjusted. This trend is very unfavorable.
At primary school age it can develop school neurosis. Its causes are the child’s psychological unpreparedness for school, rejection by his peers, humiliation, beating, excessive severity and inexperience of the teacher. A child suffering from this neurosis looks depressed, refuses to go to school, and imitates (often unconsciously) various diseases. Parents must be attentive, be able to recognize his mental difficulties in time and help him. A medical consultation or advice from an experienced psychologist would also be useful. If a child is sick, then parents should understand that his well-being and mental state will largely depend on their piety.
I will also note such a mental illness as anorexia nervosa. This disease is caused by refusal to eat in order to lose weight. At the same time, especially in the initial stages, appetite is preserved and abstinence from food is achieved through a persistent struggle with oneself. The peak incidence occurs in adolescence. As a rule, girls and young women become victims of this disease. The onset of anorexia often coincides with stress, unrequited love, rejection of feelings by young people or rejection of one’s own appearance. And then the girl’s behavior is determined by this obsessive or overvalued idea - to lose weight, which is achieved by refusing food. Eating behavior is sharply distorted. In severe cases, cachexia and amenorrhea are observed, serious metabolic disorders occur, the psyche and the entire body suffer, and the prognosis of the disease is not always favorable. Sometimes anorexia is a consequence of mental illness. Therefore, you should definitely consult a psychiatrist for help.
As if the opposite of anorexia is a condition bulimia nervosa, in which stress and troubles “eat up.” In this case, medical and psychological correction is also needed.
Among mental development disorders in children, special mention should be made of childhood autism. The diagnosis of “childhood autism” is made when the child reaches three years of age (although specific disorders, of course, are noted before this). The central symptom of this pathology is a violation of social behavior. Such children do not ask to be held, do not show interest in speech sounds and do not respond to speech addressed to them. Unlike, say, ordinary children, they are not afraid of strangers, they are not afraid of being alone in the room. The child is emotionally cold, indifferent to loved ones, he speaks little, sometimes refuses communication altogether, and is prone to stereotypical movements. Infants with this pathology do not have a “revitalization complex” in response to emotional influence. At an older age, autistic people avoid social contacts in every possible way and show no interest in friendship or communication. Intellectual defects may be significant or they may be subtle. However, if people suffering from autism are not treated and psychologically helped, then as adults they cannot adapt to reality and often become socially maladapted. I would like to emphasize the fact that in this case we are talking about a disease, and not about a silent character.
TO behavioral disorders in adolescence refers to a wide group of conditions, the main manifestations of which are a hostile attitude towards others, towards established rules and orders. Usually such children, mostly boys (although recently there have been many girls with similar disabilities), having low self-esteem, compensate for it by playing “Superman”. Punishment does not correct them, but on the contrary, it only increases the level of internal aggression and leads to new behavioral disorders. Sometimes it takes truly titanic efforts and pedagogical talent to return these children to normal behavior, to re-educate them.
Among the group of social functioning disorders in children we can distinguish selective mutism. This disorder is characterized by the fact that the child has confident, correct speech in some situations (usually with loved ones) and, on the contrary, the inability to speak, for example, at school. This disorder differs from ordinary timidity and requires qualified medical intervention.
Neurotic disorders that usually begin in childhood and adolescence include tics- involuntary, fast, irregular movements of limited muscle groups (blinking, twitching); inorganic enuresis- age-inappropriate involuntary daytime or nighttime urination. Enuresis is found in 7% of boys and 3% of girls under the age of ten. The diagnosis of enuresis is given to children over five years of age. That is, until this age, doctors do not talk about the disease.
Stuttering is usually formed between the ages of two and five years, during the period of speech formation. Therefore, preventive measures are very important. Since the fear of communication, often inherent in children at this age, can take hold. And then the facial muscles remain tense. And then a vicious circle is formed: tension - stuttering - tension - stuttering.
Nowadays, a diagnosis such as minimal brain dysfunction. Minimal brain dysfunctions are characterized by a delay in the rate of development of functional brain systems that provide certain higher mental functions responsible for speech, writing, reading, counting, as well as the regulation and control of mental processes. The intelligence of such children does not suffer, but they experience significant difficulties in school learning and social adaptation. Currently, therapy for minimal brain dysfunction is well developed.
I’ll say something about psychopathy. Psychopathy is a personal anomaly, which is characterized by disharmony of the mental structure of the individual. Alas, our reality is often a “supplier” of psychopathic personalities. Psychopathy occupies an intermediate position between psychoses and neuroses. So, if a person suffering from neurosis, relatively speaking, harms himself, then a psychopath harms others with his behavior. Treatment of psychopathy is a long, complex and not always effective process. The same can be said about the spiritual rehabilitation of psychopathic individuals. However, what is impossible for man is possible for God.
This is not a complete list of mental disorders that can occur in childhood and adolescence. More severe painful mental disorders (childhood type of schizophrenia, mental retardation and others) require timely diagnosis and qualified psychiatric care.
— Many children experience various kinds of fears. How serious is this? Is it worth taking any measures, or will these fears disappear on their own over time?
There is probably no person on Earth who does not know what fear is. Fear is inherent in the nature of fallen man, which instinctively fears threats from without. Numerous scientific studies have been devoted to the topic of fear. There is also a theological judgment on this matter.
What is fear? Psychological literature calls fear emotion that arises in situations of threat to an individual. If, say, pain is a consequence of the real impact of some dangerous factors, then fear arises when they are anticipated. Fear has many shades or degrees: apprehension, fear, fear, horror. If the source of danger is uncertain, then in this case we talk about anxiety. Inappropriate fear reactions are called phobias.
There are fears from cowardice and cowardice. Cowardice can, unfortunately, be instilled. If, say, you say something like this to a child every five minutes: “don’t touch,” “don’t climb in,” “don’t come near.”
Under no circumstances should children be locked in a dark room or closet for the purpose of punishment. And also frighten children with an “evil uncle” or someone else, threaten that “we will hand you over to other parents” or “you will live on the street” and the like. These pseudo-pedagogical techniques will bring nothing but fear.
Psychologists also distinguish the so-called parental fears, which “migrate” from parents to children. This, for example, is a fear of heights, mice, dogs, cockroaches and much more. This list can go on and on. So these persistent fears can often be found in children later on. Distinguish between fear situational which occurs at the moment of threat, danger, and personal, the occurrence of which is associated with character traits.
Speaking about children's fears, we can even identify a certain pattern or phasing.
- From one to three years the child may experience fear and severe anxiety during separation from loved ones, especially the mother. Fear can also appear with a sudden change in daily routine.
- Three to five years in children who already have some life experience, imaginary fears are added to the above-mentioned fears (fairy-tale characters, impressions that pop up in the child’s mind, stories that are scary for him, etc.). This is also why children’s souls and eyes should be protected from all evil spirits and vulgarity. How important it is to nourish the soul of a child with the grace of God.
- A distinctive feature of children's fears five to seven years is the fear of death that often arises at this age (one’s own, that of one’s parents, or one’s grandparents). The soul of a child does not agree with death, which seems unnatural to it. And that's what's important. Believing children from church-going families practically do not experience this kind of fear. They know that death is the beginning of eternity for a person.
The main time for fears is night. Therefore, it is very important that the child’s sleep is sound and calm. Before going to bed, stay next to him for a while, cross him and bless him for the coming sleep. Speak quietly, kindly, calmly. Sing a lullaby or tell someone something interesting and useful. Hug him, kiss him, make him a cozy “nest,” let him take his favorite toy to bed with him.
If there were any omissions during the day, if you punished a child, then you need to explain why he was punished and forgive everything. In short, by evening the situation should be resolved.
Orthodox parents teach their children prayer, the sign of the cross, and the baby will not go to bed until he crosses himself. He knows that he is protected, that he is not alone: the Lord, the Most Holy Theotokos, the Guardian Angel are with him; a host of saints pray for him, for mom, dad and for all Orthodox Christians. God's and parent's blessing will protect him.
— What advice should I give to parents whose children are apathetic, or, conversely, overexcited? How to help a child or teenager find peace of mind and maintain mental health for as long as possible?
You need to start with the simplest and, at the same time, very significant - daily routine. If it is not indicated at all, then the child, and even the teenager, will undoubtedly suffer from it. Confusion, disorder, and lack of system are always fraught with various problems. The lack of a routine often leads to idleness, not knowing what to do, what to do. One of the main “diseases” of the younger generation is lack of will, volitional disorders. The regime organizes the personality.
In this case, I give parents and children the example of life in a monastery. The monastic charter leaves no time for idleness at all. Prayer, obedience, work, study of the works of the holy fathers...
Along the way, I’ll add that children, especially urban children, lack movement and fresh air. But there is an abundance of tension: psycho-emotional, informational. Television alone is worth it.
For myself, I made the following conclusion a long time ago: nervous parents make nervous children. There are, alas, few happy families, but there are more than enough problematic ones. Quarrels and conflicts between parents and constant “showdowns” certainly make the child neurotic. During the consultation, I always tell such parents that their home can become heaven for children, or it can become hell. So choose what is better.
As treatment and preventive recommendations for neurotic disorders in children, we can suggest the use of baths with the addition of sea salt and pine extracts. It is advisable to take vitamin supplements. But the consumption of stimulating drinks (tea, cocoa, coffee, etc.) should be limited. An important role is played by feasible physical labor, hardening the child, and sufficient exposure to the fresh air. Hiking and trips outside the city to nature are good, especially with the whole family.
The calm, warm relationship of all family members with each other and, of course, with the child is very important, which will create an atmosphere of love in the house. It is necessary to strengthen the child’s will, accustom him to work, teach him to endure hardships, sorrows, and illnesses. Education is, first of all, love and a worthy example. And the most important thing is to always be with Christ. Then the child will grow up to be a morally healthy person.
interviewed by Polina Melnikova