Every person has his own opinion. It has a right to exist, but this does not mean that each of them is true. It’s a shame to make a mistake, acting in accordance with other people’s advice, neglecting your own point of view.
Interpretation of the lawEveryone knows the popular wisdom: “how many people, so many opinions.” However, many often do not trust their own opinions so much that they live almost their entire lives in someone else’s mind, and when at the end of their lives they realize that they have not achieved anything, they begin to blame anyone for their mistakes, but not themselves. Of course, you need to listen and respect the opinions of people around you, but you cannot blindly follow all their advice.
Probably, no person can claim that he is always 100% right, so why trust anyone to solve your problems, because no one can handle them better than the person concerned. Following someone else's opinion, a person is, as it were, freed from responsibility, shifting it onto the shoulders of a voluntary assistant; in this case, if the matter fails, you can always blame it on someone else and justify yourself both in the eyes of others and in your own, although, of course, this will not help much.
Many people are so unsure of their own abilities that they actually voluntarily give up success, afraid to take risks and finally do things their own way. Most of the representatives of the huge army of losers ended up in it precisely because they could not defend their point of view and act according to their own understanding. By trusting someone excessively, a person thereby deprives himself of the opportunity to develop. Completely relying on the knowledge and skills of another, he believes that he has absolutely no need to understand any issue himself. And this does not have the best effect on the success of his enterprise. With the exception of trifles, every entrepreneur or person seeking to build a career should be very well versed in his affairs, be it accounting estimates or official assignments. This is the only way to achieve success.
It is better to make a mistake due to your own lack of understanding and subsequently learn some lessons from it, than, assuming the right decision, rely on someone else’s advice and end up losing everything. Of course, in the latter case, a person is able to extract something useful for himself from what is happening, but the realization that if he had immediately acted according to his point of view, it would have led to completely opposite results and that success was very close, but slipped away at the very last moment, it can unsettle even the strongest person for a long time. Therefore, before asking for advice, much less following it, you need to think that your experience means something and, perhaps, your opinion is the most correct decision in the current situation.
People who are easily influenced by others have a very difficult time in life. They constantly experience all kinds of doubts, which, naturally, greatly interferes with their ability to live and enjoy life. Success comes only to self-confident people who are able to deal with their problems on their own and never blame others for their own mistakes.
ImageGranite rock. She is not afraid of any natural disasters or minor troubles in the form of precipitation. She stands her ground majestically and calmly. Nothing can shake it: the waves have been hitting it for centuries, but it still remains impregnable.
Proof of the LawVery often, government officials have all sorts of problems related to relationships between people. In this case, it is very important to adhere to a single point of view and never deviate from your opinion. The American President Taft learned from his own experience how important this is; Moreover, he found the best way out of this situation by showing empathy to neutralize the negative feelings of others.
It all started with the fact that one lady, the wife of a major political figure, visited the president for a long time in order to persuade him to appoint her son to a high position in one of the institutions. She went so far as to bring senators and congressmen with her and force them to plead for their offspring. But Taft understood that the position that was so attractive to an active lady required certain professional qualities, and most importantly, a lot of experience.
On the recommendation of the head of the institution, he appointed a completely different, more suitable person to this position. Soon the President received an unpleasant letter from this lady, who reproached him for the fact that Taft did not want to please her, although it did not cost him anything. Further, she suspected him of ingratitude, since, in her opinion, only her pressure on the delegation ensured the adoption of an administrative bill in which the president was interested.
Of course, having received such a message, almost every person will impulsively try to put the enemy in his place, and in a more rude and harsh tone. Fortunately, Taft contained his negative emotions in time and postponed writing the answer for several days. After some period of time, he wrote the most polite letter that he was capable of and in which he said that he understood his mother’s experiences.
However, Taft stated that he could not decide on the appointment of a person to such a responsible position, guided only by personal preferences, since this work required special knowledge. Then the President expressed the hope that the lady’s son would be able to achieve outstanding success in his current position. The answer was not long in coming, in which the lady sent her sincere apologies for such a harsh letter.
The story continued. Since the candidate was not immediately confirmed in office, after some time Taft again receives a letter, supposedly from the lady’s husband, in which he reports his wife’s serious illness as a result of a nervous disorder and asks the President to restore the woman’s happiness and health by appointing her son to desired position. It must be said that the first letters and the last message were written in the same handwriting.
The President had to write another polite letter, now to her husband, expressing sympathy for his wife’s health and the hope that the diagnosis would not be confirmed. He once again politely rejected the request to appoint a young man to the position, citing the fact that he was no longer able to reject the previously nominated candidate.
Two days after the letter was sent, a festive concert was given at the White House - and among the guests, these spouses joyfully greeted the president, despite the fact that his wife, judging by the letter, was near death three days ago. In the institution, in the new position, a person who, despite everything, was approved by Taft, coped well with his duties. Thus, the president was able to defend his point of view, which represented the most correct decision, and at the same time did not spoil relations with others.
In world literature there are many names that have gained worldwide popularity and recognition only because their owners never changed their opinion and relied only on themselves.
One boy lived in London and was forced to work in a haberdashery store. His duties included cleaning the premises in the morning and working almost all day, so he had to get up at five o’clock in the morning and work until late in the evening. It was very hard work. The boy believed that his place was not here, and he could escape poverty and poverty. One day, two years later, he abandoned the shop and went on foot to his mother. He decided never to return to work, but to achieve success in a completely different field. Subsequently, the boy became a writer, created more than seventy books and earned more than a million dollars. His name was H. G. Wells.
Charles Dickens did not immediately become a famous writer, although he worked hard and strived for this since childhood. The boy was able to attend school for no more than four years, then his father went to prison for non-payment of debts, and the child was left practically on the street. Soon he got a job in a warehouse, where his duties included sticking labels on bottles of blacking. He shared his lodgings with two tramp boys from the London slums.
All of young Dickens's stories were constantly rejected by editors, who told him that he would never write well. However, the boy had a completely different opinion and still sent his manuscripts to publishing houses. Finally, the happy day came, and one of Dickens's stories was accepted. Despite the fact that he was not paid, this encouraged the young writer to write new works. After some time, this man became famous.
It is very important, if you have your own opinion, not to flaunt it too much, otherwise it may not have the best effect on your professional career. A typical example is one successful businessman selling office equipment. And although he is 100% sure that his product is the best, the businessman never persists in praising his products. He believes that such a line of behavior can lead to a useless dispute, so he simply informs his customers about the versatility, convenience and good quality of the equipment. A true businessman prefers to emphasize that it is not the equipment itself that is important, but the people who have to work with this equipment.
It is very important in life to determine your goals as early as possible and never deviate from the intended path, directing all your strength and abilities to overcome it. One famous psychologist and philosopher noted that often people, due to the lack of their own opinion, remain in a state of half-asleep all their lives, using only a small part of their physical and mental resources.
Authoritative opinionThe most pitiful are not those people who have an erroneous way of thinking, but those who do not have any definite, consistent way of thinking, whose opinions are a collection of incoherent scraps that have nothing in common with each other.
/N. G. Chernyshevsky /
The other side of the lawThe characteristic of a wise man consists of three things: first, to do for himself what he advises others to do, second, to never act against justice, and third, to patiently endure the weaknesses of the people around him.
/L. N. Tolstoy/
Sometimes a person distrusts other people’s opinions so much and relies only on himself that he turns into a kind of narcissistic person who despises everyone and everything. In his opinion, no one knows anything better than him. Of course, this alienates others, and a person with a similar attitude can easily be left completely alone. As in any matter, here you need to know a sense of proportion: you cannot completely follow other people’s advice and live under the influence of any opinion; and it is undesirable to take only your own point of view as a certain standard of wisdom and infallibility. It is necessary to learn, by accepting recommendations and learning from the mistakes of others, to trust your intuition, to be more flexible in making certain decisions.
Many zealous admirers and implementers of this law complain that they have absolutely no friends - and in a difficult situation they don’t even have anyone to turn to with their problem, forgetting that they themselves once did not want to accept anyone’s help, preferring to stay with their own opinion. By providing us with a service in the form of advice, people thereby begin to feel important. If a person deprives his surroundings of this, he will only lose friends. It’s not for nothing that popular wisdom says: “Calmly listen to everyone and do as you see fit.”
Very often people are impatient with the older generation, who, with the best intentions, always try to teach their children something or warn them about danger. On the one hand, of course, many are simply tired of listening to moral teachings every day and acting against their will, however, on the other hand, you can listen to the opinion of your parents. They have lived a long life, gained life experience and probably learned something from their own mistakes and failures.
So isn’t it easier to learn about them and not repeat the actions of the older generation, which lead to disastrous results?! It is known that a person, like history, has no future if he has forgotten his past.
BikeA person who does not have his own opinion is like the main character of the story “42” by Daniil Kharms.
“One Frenchman was given a sofa, four chairs and an armchair.
The Frenchman sat down on a chair by the window, but he himself wanted to lie down on the sofa.
The Frenchman lay down on the sofa, but he already wanted to sit on the armchair.
The Frenchman got up from the sofa and sat down on the armchair, like a king, and the thoughts in his head were already such that the armchair was quite luxurious. It's better to sit more easily on a chair.
The Frenchman moved to a chair by the window, but the Frenchman couldn’t sit on this chair because it was somehow blowing through the window.
The Frenchman moved to a chair near the stove and felt that he was tired.
Then the Frenchman decided to lie down on the sofa and rest, but before reaching the sofa, he turned to the side and sat down on an armchair.
- That's where it's good! - said the Frenchman, but immediately added: - But on the sofa, perhaps, it’s better.
Who do we trust more than anything in the world? Even the most insecure person will say to himself. In search of answers to important questions, each of us turns inward. On some issues we may have a clear opinion, on others we may not have a clearly defined position and consider the issue from different points of view, trying to determine the correct one for ourselves. When we enter into a dialogue with another person, we talk not only with him, but also with his inner world. As thoroughly unambiguous or not fully formed in relation to some issues, like ours.
We usually feel the need to express our opinion when we disagree with our interlocutor on points of view. But situations are different. We can remain silent when we do not consider it necessary to say what we think, we can say our opinion in an even and calm tone, or we can begin to defend our point of view. We decide for ourselves how to act in each specific situation. And we evaluate the decision made after.
We can say something and then begin to reproach ourselves - well, why did I say this, I should have remained silent. Or, on the contrary, remain silent and reproach yourself for not expressing your opinion in a timely manner. This happens when we focus on ourselves, our thoughts and emotions. While entering into a dialogue with another person, it is necessary to accept and build communication from the position of the interlocutor. This is what all smart communicators do, who know that it is impossible to prove their opinion, even by bringing the most compelling arguments, since this always gives rise to internal contradiction in the interlocutor. You can only convey your position - serve it on a platter so that the interlocutor cannot deny himself the pleasure of treating himself.
What is important to understand before you start expressing your opinion?
1. Not every situation requires that an opinion be expressed and not every opinion must be expressed a priori.
Our opinion may seem very important to us, but it is no less important to really look at the feelings and thoughts of other people. If you want to tell a loved one your categorical opinion about something that may concern them directly, think about it. In relationships with loved ones, it is especially important to be correct, because... no one will offend as a loved one can, for whom all our feelings can be like an open book. Is your opinion worth hurting a loved one? Or, if you think your opinion should be heard anyway, think ahead about how you will express it.
2. Not every person wants to hear an opinion different from their own.
You've probably often noticed that even when communicating with other people, the interlocutor can only conduct a dialogue with himself. Such people are not only not inclined to perceive a point of view different from their own, but in principle they are not interested in it. Their goal is not a full-fledged dialogue, but an exchange of their opinions, news, etc. Sometimes it’s easier to listen and not say, and maybe not listen at all.
3. Does our inner need to express our own opinion come from our Self or does the situation really require it?
Many people tend to express their loud opinions on fairly distant or even trivial topics. While in really important circumstances, they are not ready to express their position and prefer to remain silent. In fact, everything should be the other way around. An opinion is not always worth expressing just for the sake of expressing it. Thus, we satisfy our need for self-affirmation or reinforce our pride. Real courage is to express our opinion where circumstances require it, even if we ourselves are not inclined to speak out.
4. When expressing our opinion, we must always be prepared for the possible continuation of the dialogue, even if it does not follow.
When we express our opinion, we don't just throw it in the other person's face. We express it and must be prepared to express it in response, i.e. continuation of the topic. If you are not ready for this, think about whether it is so important for you to speak out in this particular situation. Because it is important not so much to adequately express your position as to continue the dialogue after that.
Even if the other person's opinion differs from our own, this does not mean that we are obliged to take a defensive position. This applies primarily to issues that are not fundamental and do not contradict our personal deep principles or beliefs. When exchanging opinions with well-known, close people, it is important to remember that human relationships always come before our specific opinion at the moment, especially since it is possible that opinions may change. It is important to always remember this, otherwise, one rudely expressed opinion can cost a close, trusting relationship.
Sometimes we engage in dialogue with people we dislike, whose position may fundamentally contradict ours. In such situations, it is difficult to control your emotions due to differences of opinion and personal hostility. In such cases, it is very important to abstract yourself from the interlocutor himself and try to express your opinion on a specific subject or situation as impersonally as possible. We have already said that power over your own gives a great advantage in communications with other people.
It is important to remember that no one can hurt our feelings with their opinion. Moreover, this cannot be done by a person who is not close to us or is generally unpleasant to us in communication. Anyone who is led by his emotions will certainly lose in any battle.
The ability to express one's opinion in a correct and clear manner is an undeniable gift. But you can only learn this through practice. Therefore, do not be discouraged if something, as you think, did not go perfectly. We should never be ashamed of what teaches us something new and important. Be open to dialogue; this is the clearest sign of true strength and self-confidence.
We live in an era where it is easier for us to follow the crowd than to try to form our own opinions and have the courage to express them. If something is popular or generally accepted, it becomes doubly scary and inconvenient to go against this phenomenon. But how often have we seen in history that conventional wisdom and popularity are not the best allies of truth? This happened and happens all the time. We don't want to appear stupid or vulnerable to criticism from the public or even loved ones. We are afraid to say something that may shock many, although we ourselves understand perfectly well that the thought is correct and true. That’s why people watch television, that’s why propaganda continues to live a full life in every country in the world.
But if you continue in the same spirit and do not begin to openly express your perhaps unpopular point of view, you will never become a strong and independent person. You can never become a man of action, putting your ideas into action. There will be many people who will want to take advantage of you when they see that you cannot stand up for your ideas.
You'll be more interesting if you stop shutting yourself up. Nobody likes indecisive and shy people. Or rather, something else: they may be loved, but they are used in every possible way and do not provide any prospects. Unfortunately, living in your own microcosm is not possible in the modern world. And in itself it is a signal for predators, who perceive it as a lack of maturity and inexperience. You must clearly demonstrate your views and knowledge in the areas you are talking about. This should not be the bravado of an armchair warrior, it should be the opinion of a specialist and an intelligent person.
You will also reduce the tension that is sure to exist between you and a person who does not understand your views. Understatement can cause mistrust, anxiety and stress. And both on your part and on the part of your interlocutor. Simply put, we will trust an opponent we know well more than a person on the street whom we have never heard a damn thing about until the moment he knocked on the door.
An important step in forming your own opinion is education. – this is not a static procedure at all, you need to do it all your life. This will give you more confidence. It is difficult to argue with the fact that an opinion that is based on facts, statistics, personal experience is much stronger than an opinion taken from TV, whose justification is based only on emptiness. Don't hold on to your stupidity, learn better and become wiser.
When you have a detailed concept of your worldview, and your point of view is substantiated and justified, you will have a great opportunity to influence other people. You can help them do the same, because this is a step forward, nothing less. Those around you will be inspired by the strength of your personality, smart people will appreciate you for your courage and courage. All this sounds beautiful and even a little pretentious, but believe me, it often works. This is how personality grows. On top of that, you will learn to influence others.
When you think, “I wish I could say...” but don’t say it, it creates a very sad picture in your brain. Desires become clogged like blood vessels with blood clots. And it is also bad for your health. It creates such a sour feeling of regret, of unfinished business. You look into the past and see many missed opportunities. If you want to get rid of regrets, you need to tell others what you think. Don't be afraid to do it. If your friends, girlfriends or colleagues cannot accept this, you are not on the same path with them. And conflicts can arise on any basis. The main thing is to remain human.
Whether you will be taken seriously depends only on you. But your solutions to problems will not appear out of nowhere. To do this, you need to trust yourself and be able to express concerns to other people. Let's say your boss suggested solving a problem in production in a certain way. He is your boss, and you need to listen to him, right? What if you know a better solution? If you don’t take the initiative and tell us about your method, you will make things worse not only for yourself, but also for the company. Therefore, many successful companies welcome initiative from below - this is the key to success.
The truth of life is that the world is ruled by the brave. They can be anything: good guys, adventurers, criminals and scoundrels, but they all do what others cannot. When you express your opinion, you automatically set yourself apart from others. You do understand that not everyone is given such a skill, right? Most obediently do what others tell them to do. You have to show heroism to break out of this circle.
There is no need to be afraid. Although there may be problems and misunderstandings, and in states where there is censorship, there may be criminal liability. But what is the meaning of a person’s life if he blindly obeys and destroys all signs of his “I”? Why should he even live then? The answer is yours.
In one of the previous articles (), we talked about how important it is to be able to respect someone else’s position, someone else’s point of view, but at the same time not give up your own. But in order to preserve your opinion and not lose it among hundreds and thousands of others, you must first form it, build it. Today we will talk about how you can build and strengthen your personal opinion.
It is easy to guess that our personal view on a certain issue is built in the process of gaining experience. We experience certain situations in life, analyze, draw conclusions, and from this we get some conclusion, a result. A simple example.
You went to an exhibition of paintings by an artist unfamiliar to you. You liked his work in general, some left you indifferent, some you didn’t like. These emotions will be the main building blocks for form your opinion about the work of this artist. And if you are asked what you think about this, you will have something to answer. For example, that you like the work in general, but there are some paintings that are incomprehensible or even unpleasant.
In such cases, it is important not to confuse your opinion with your desire to think in a certain way. A view of a situation cannot be formed just because you yourself wanted to build just such a point of view. It is formed on the basis of experience and inference. An opinion taken out of thin air is actually not much different from a simple whim. “I want to think this way” and “I think this way” are different concepts.
What are you talking about?
To build your opinion, you need to clearly understand the subject about which it is being built. Moreover, the deeper you penetrate into the essence of the issue, the more complete and flexible your point of view will be.
Using the same example of an exhibition of paintings. In each specific picture you can clarify what you liked, why, and what you didn’t like. You can break the entire exhibition into blocks (for yourself) and say that, for example, the still life paintings are not bright enough as you thought. Portraits in general are very interesting, but certain work turned out to be the most expressive due to the realistic transfer of the mood of the person from whom the portrait was painted, with an emphasis on the gaze, eyes.
A deeper penetration into the question and emphasized specificity (you are talking about something specific, and not vaguely abstract in general) will help you form your opinion, which will be respected and listened to carefully. Because you will know what you are talking about. And this is appreciated in any conversation. Your position will be respected because it is specific but deep.
How do you say?
Have own opinion- This is a sign of a strong personality. But, excuse me, man is a bio-SOCIAL being. And no matter how self-sufficient he may be, he needs to establish himself in society. And that’s why we need our own opinion, so as not to get lost, to highlight our individuality in society. And for this purpose it is not enough to have a strong point of view, you also need to be able to express it.
Before expressing your opinion, you need to clearly define the concepts with which you are going to operate. And if you want to be heard, then try to choose words that are understandable to your interlocutor. If you talk to an artist about biochemistry, and even in scientific terms, it is unlikely to make any sense. The interlocutor simply will not understand not only your position, but in general the question as a whole will remain beyond his understanding.
In addition, you must initially find out whether you are talking about the same thing, otherwise your discussion will turn into a waste of time, or even worse, into an argument. Since you will prove different things to each other. For example, when discussing any equipment, say speakers, you will talk about the same manufacturer, but about different series of products, and it is quite natural that they have completely different parameters, and in this case you and your opponent simply do not you will understand each other. Therefore, when starting a discussion, make sure that all participants in the conversation are talking about the same thing, and when they say “columns,” everyone means columns, and not speakers, for example.
It is completely logical to rely on indisputable facts when presenting your view. As mentioned above, personal opinion should not be taken out of thin air; let your interlocutor understand that you came to this conclusion through logical reasoning.
And one more equally important point. When expressing your opinion, respect the position of others. Explain in such a way that people do not feel that you are trying to convince them, but that they understand that you are simply sharing your thoughts with them.
I often hear about how important it is to have your own opinion regarding almost all issues, even those in which a person thinks absolutely nothing. We call this freedom, which we supposedly all need. In fact, not many people need this, and those who do express their opinion, as a rule, have a specific goal, the essence of which is to influence a person in order to force him to act in his own interests. But about everything in order, according to the correct arrangement of thoughts, in which we will find out with you whether you need your opinion and, if necessary, then why. To begin with, I want to tell you that I have nothing against you having your own opinion. It’s good when you think with your own head and try to look at everything with your own eyes, and don’t take other people’s thoughts and ideas on faith. However, expressing your opinion is a completely different matter, in which you are already beginning to influence other people in a certain way, in any case, you are making an attempt to do so. Well, you have your own opinion, so what? Why express it, for what purpose?
Imagine a married couple and, say, one of their children, who, let’s say, will be ten years old. On the weekend, the family is going to have a great time together, for which they need to decide how they will actually spend it. At the same time, each family member may have his own opinion regarding this: the father wants to go fishing, the mother will go on a visit, and the child may want to take a walk in the park and ride the rides. And what will happen if they all start expressing their opinions on how best to spend a day off, without insisting on their point of view, but just like that? Just as you yourself understand, nothing happens, and on the one hand, defending your point of view will lead to conflict, or someone will have to abandon their plans, that is, sacrifice their opinion and their desire, which this opinion promotes, in favor of peace and consent.
Moreover, it may also be the case that a more powerful member of the family can simply force the rest to do as he wants, which in turn makes it pointless to have his own opinion, which is simply unable to translate into reality his desire, which is the basis of his opinions. And defending your point of view, which will lead to conflict, is somehow not relevant for a family that should be friendly. Thus, it turns out that having your own opinion seems to be useful, but without the ability to defend your interests, expressing it is pointless, if only. For example, if in the above family, someone decides to defend their point of view regarding how the family should spend the weekend, without causing a conflict situation, or a feeling of oppression in those whose point of view will be ignored, as well as the possible impact on a family member who has more power, then he needs to convince others of the correctness of his decision, to put forward it as the only correct one.
In addition, this can be presented in the form of a decision that the rest of the family members seemed to have come to themselves; you have only formulated its final version, according to which the only correct decision will be a decision that reflects your interests. Of course, only a smart and cunning family member can do this, which is why I gave the example of a child who will be forced to obey or pointlessly express his dissatisfaction, despite the fact that he was allowed to express his opinion, but at the same time they did not care about his desire. Of course, parents can be more loyal to their child, and sometimes do as he wants, but it is obvious that adults will not follow his lead, this is simply stupid and will not lead to anything good. You can increase the scale of this family to the size you need, the meaning will not change. You can look at any team, country, and world in this way, the essence is the same.
Your opinion is meaningless precisely when you express it, without a clear hope that it will be listened to, that is, if it is not capable of influencing or you are not able to defend your point of view, forcing everyone to agree with it and therefore act in your interests. Why do people argue, defending their point of view, why is it so important for them to convince others to think this way and not otherwise? After all, the spoken word is always aimed at material embodiment, otherwise there would be no point in saying it. However, only an unconsciously living person can claim that he says something just like that, expressing his opinion, because he has the right to do so, and again, he simply needs to show people that they are mistaken. In general, it does not matter how a person argues for expressing his opinion and convincing others in it, since he either has a goal and does not recognize it, or he himself does not understand what he is doing and why, that is, he does not understand how his opinion is connected with his interests.
One thing is obvious, a friendly family can only exist if everyone adheres to the same opinion, one point of view, and not everyone pulls the blanket in his own direction; everyone has heard the fable about the swan, crayfish and pike. So, do you need your opinion, my friends, which of your interests do you want to realize through influencing other people, if you decide to actively express your opinion? If you don’t see such goals and you just want to tell others what you think about this or that event, person, decision, etc., congratulations, you are one of the ninety-nine percent of the population living an unconscious life. This is exactly the figure that psychologists are talking about, I don’t know what they thought, but they are probably right, because even I can confirm this, giving an assessment to most of the people with whom I have had the opportunity to communicate.