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According to a recent study conducted by Harvard psychologists Daniel Gilbert and Matthew Killingsworth(Matthew Killingsworth), Most people spend half their time (46.7% to be exact) distracted by what they are doing. And this is what makes them less happy.
To find out what we do when we fall out of reality, Gilbert and Killingsworth developed a special application for the iPhone and posted it on the Internet, inviting everyone to take part in the survey. More than 2,000 people from 8 to 88 years old from all continents attended. From time to time, volunteers received a question: what exactly are they doing at the moment and what are they thinking about?
“It turned out that most often, when distracted from business, people reflect, remember and regret their past actions or words. They also have their head in the clouds, dreaming about what has not yet happened, or about what is not destined to happen at all,” says Professor Gilbert.
People are constantly distracted, regardless of the nature of their main task - at work, choosing food in the supermarket, and even trying to calm a crying child, we are carried away with thoughts away from reality with approximately the same frequency. The only exception is having sex.
“If in all other activities except sex, people demonstrated a minimum threshold of distraction of about 30% of the total time, then only in lovemaking this level barely exceeded 9%,” Killingsworth stated. But it’s understandable - is it necessary to dream about anything else if you’re already having sex? It is even more inappropriate in bed to regret that yesterday you did not have time to pay your rent or buy bread for breakfast.
Daydreaming or reflection clearly does not contribute to the effective implementation of tasks - this is a fact. But what does our happiness have to do with it? And here’s what: in addition to reporting on their affairs, psychologists also asked respondents to rate their level of happiness and pleasure on a scale of one hundred at the moment when they answered the questions. And a relationship emerged: the less we are distracted by extraneous thoughts, that is, the more involved in the process here and now, the more confident and positive we feel.
With regrets and reflection, everything is clear to me personally - such thoughts are really not happy. But dreams? Is it possible that even if we are distracted by them, we become more unhappy? Alas, yes. “Whether we are distracted by sad and unpleasant thoughts or indulged in blissful thoughts about a brighter future, we become emotionally less stable,” explains Gilbert, who, by the way, after the publication of the book in 2006 "Stumbling on Happiness"(Stumbling on Happiness) received the nickname Professor of Happiness from journalists. — Daydreams raise fears about possible failure, and regrets about the past provoke feelings of frustration and bouts of unjustified self-criticism. In both cases, we are tormented, and this not only reduces our effectiveness in business, but also makes us less happy.”
So what does it mean that dreaming about future victories or analyzing your past mistakes is a priori harmful? And I, who like to have my head in the clouds, will not see happiness like my ears? According to Gilbert, unfortunately, yes. But I prefer to follow the advice of another American psychologist, Andre Kukla. I recently wrote about his theory mental errors.
“Chronic failure to do the right thing at the right time is the cause of most of our unhappiness,” says Kukla. “And for the most part, this inability lies in the fact that we do not concentrate on completing the urgent task, are not involved in the process that is actually happening, but we scatter our thoughts along the tree, thinking about events or emotions that often have no value and no value for us at the moment.” meaning." In short, Kukla believes that everything has its time. The main thing is to choose the right moment for daydreaming and thinking about the past.
Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with daydreaming a little while sitting in a subway car or on an airplane, standing in the shower or in line for theater tickets. For example, about how happy and prosperous my life will become as soon as I learn not to be distracted from what is happening to me here and now.
- How often do you live enjoying the present? What you have right now? Only honestly!
If your answer is: " No! Infrequently!"
"Then what prevents you from feeling happy? Why aren’t there more moments like this?”
To enjoy life right now, we are always missing something:
Now - the required amount of money, now - a new car, now - warm relationships, now - good work, now - understanding friends, now...., then....., then....
We spend most of our time waiting: " When will we have THAT SAME thing?"
Want a little experiment?
Make a small revision of everything you once dreamed of. Write it down on a piece of paper. Eg:
There he is - the husband/or wife. He sits right in front of you, on the sofa.
The child you once waited so anxiously for. He became arrogant and his performance at school decreased.
Here is an apartment (and maybe your own house). You've been living for so many years - it's time to do some renovations!
And even if some of this doesn’t exist yet, surely something else has become a dream come true.
Why is what already exists taken for granted? And it doesn’t make you as happy as before? That's how we are made.
The state of satisfaction is always very short!
And as soon as it passes, new desires arise!
So most of the time we do comparisons:
- How are we doing? What about others? And we generate new dreams! But it would be nice...”
We don't allow ourselves to relax. And we forget to thank fate for what we already have! And enjoy it right now!
Only enjoying the present moment makes life so alive, desirable and bright! Anyone who has lost this ability (inherent in every child from birth) devalues his life and its Gifts!
Behind every desire and dream there is a subconscious fear: “What if something prevents this from happening?”
When dreams collapse, it is always painful, it takes away energy and strength, and sharply reduces dopamine levels.
Dopamine is the hormone of pleasure or satisfaction. Its development is facilitated by positive experiences, as well as pleasant sensations received from: eating tasty or gourmet food, stroking, massage, love and sexual caresses, memories or dreams of something exciting and pleasant, etc.
Behind every fear there is always a desire: “If only this wouldn’t happen!”
Desire and fear cannot exist without each other! Being “in a double trap” of your desires and fears is very difficult to relax! And it's even harder to stay satisfied!
Most of our attention remains either in the negative experiences of the past or in anticipation of the future.
The habit of devaluing the present moment and perceiving it only as a stepping stone to the future can become very persistent!
There is education (and sometimes more than one), knowledge, skills, talents, abilities!
Recently, my husband compiled a natal chart and commented on it: “This is not a horoscope, but a real Kubushka! So much is given to a person: both talents and opportunities to travel the world, develop, earn money successfully and receive good financial support from your partner.” The woman confirmed: " Everything is just like that!"
However, even in such a favorable situation, the focus of her attention was directed to what she was missing! And where the focus of attention is, there is energy!
That’s why it seemed to her: “There are many more reasons for dissatisfaction in her life than reasons to rejoice at what she already had!”
We always tend to devalue what we already have and suffer from what we DO NOT have! And this is an almost 100% chance of remaining dissatisfied with your life all the time.
So is it harmful to dream? Don't think! Dreams give new impetus to our development and growth.
It’s more about not forgetting that when climbing the steps - FROM THE PRESENT - TO THE FUTURE - the only time in which we can BE and LIVE is the PRESENT!
Remember how tiring and slow time drags when you have to wait for something. But once you get into the “Here and Now”, everything changes in an amazing way.
I remember one of my business trips to St. Petersburg. The train arrived early, and when I arrived at the office, there was no one there except the secretary. I left my things and went for a walk in a nearby park.
These are the moments that my memory recorded! An endless blue sky, playful sunbeams on the cheeks, and some kind of peaceful joy from all this serenity and beauty. I spent the whole day with this blissful smile on my face.
Contentment is not about what you have or what you don't have.
Contentment is only related to who you are!
No matter how many things you collect, it may increase your worries, your unhappiness, but your contentment will not increase. Dissatisfaction may increase, but all these things do not lead to increased satisfaction. Osho
ALL THE BEST!
WITH THANKS! ARINA
Each of us has dreams. Some have big ones, some have small ones, but regardless of this, they are all very important. And sometimes we don’t think about why their fulfillment occurs even when this very dream ceases to be such. But everything ingenious is simple: the more we desire (we become attached to what we want), the less we get.
The question really arises: what about visualization, the law of attraction and other techniques? The answer to this can be obtained from your own life experience. Surely, everyone at least once in his life noticed that as soon as he stopped in the race for what he wanted, as soon as he forgot about it, the old dream immediately came true, as if laughing at the unfortunate dreamer. So let's figure out why this happens. Why, when we stop dreaming, we achieve everything.
Why do dreams come true late?
Firstly: no matter how trivial it may sound, nothing can be achieved by simply sitting on the couch and meditating. We need to act! Three hours of visualization will not replace one call to the employer. Methods of influencing the divine mind are effective only if a person moves forward, listens to his intuition and is not afraid to take steps towards realizing his dreams.
Secondly: the more attached you become to a dream, the more disappointed you will be later. The man had just finished finishing the book and was already imagining how he would wake up rich and famous in the morning, but the first publishing house did not accept the manuscript. What to do? Finalize your work and send it to all possible publishers. But I wanted everything at once! The dream did not come true, and the man abandoned his job, switching to something else. Disappointment “killed” all his opportunities for self-realization in literature.
Thirdly, dreaming is harmful because the more you wish, the more you fuss and take the wrong steps. This is reminiscent of getting ready before a vacation, when you sluggishly moved things from place to place for two weeks, knowing full well where everything was, and then three hours before departure you frantically start running around the apartment in search of a missing pair of socks.
Every dream takes time to come true! Don’t rush in vain, don’t grab on to thirty things at once, be consistent and logical. Spend 20 minutes a day visualizing and take action the rest of the time. Remember that your future depends on your steps. Take the initiative and go forward!
Actually, while you are dreaming, it is as if you are out of time. There is no past, it has already passed, and despite this, most of us dream of returning there and changing something. This does not add either peace of mind or self-confidence. There is no future either - in the sense of a predetermined future. You can't imagine it.
But you can create a lot of illusions for yourself. For example, what a beauty you will be when you finally lose three kilograms. You will not. That is, you will lose these unfortunate kilograms, of course, but your life will still not look like a beautiful video with you in the leading role. Hence the disappointments. And the present moment, the very moment in which you dream, will become the past. A past in which you did nothing significant. Because I was lying on the couch and dreaming.
Dreams prevent you from being happy
According to a recent study conducted by Harvard psychologists Daniel Gilbert and Matthew Killingsworth, most people spend half their time distracted by what they are doing. To check what exactly they are distracted by, scientists developed a special application for the iPhone, posted it on the Internet and invited everyone to take part in the survey. 2,000 people aged 8 to 88 regularly answered one question: what are you doing at the moment and what are you thinking about?
It turned out that almost no one actually thinks about the matter. People remember the past and regret their actions, and also dream of things that will never happen. It's interesting that people are disconnected from reality no matter what they are doing at the moment. The only thing we are ready to devote ourselves to completely is sex. The problem is that when we dream, we lose emotional stability: if we dream about the future, we imagine possible failures, and if we remember the past, we scold ourselves for mistakes. And this prevents us from simply feeling happy.
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Dreams prevent you from working
And they also interfere with rest. It seems to you that it will be easier to write a boring report if you simultaneously dream about a vacation. In fact, your attention is scattered and you make mistakes - this is the first thing. Secondly, you work slower. The right hemisphere of the brain is responsible for the symbols and images that make up your dreams, for imagination, emotions and, in fact, the fantasies themselves. Analytical thinking, sequential processing of information, literal understanding of words - all these are tasks of the left hemisphere. They can work at the same time, of course - for example, you can easily talk on the phone and draw.
But if both hemispheres are fully loaded, they will begin to work separately and independently of each other, which will make it impossible to complete the third task. An experiment conducted by French researcher Etienne Koechlin in 2010 showed that volunteers were able to perform two tasks at the same time, but the third surprisingly escaped their memory. At the same time, scientists say, the reason is simple: the brain simply does not have a third hemisphere. This means that if you daydream while working, you may miss something important. If you indulge in daydreams on vacation, was it worth going somewhere at all? You simply won’t notice or remember the most interesting things!
Dreams lead to depression
Well, it’s not surprising. What do you dream about most often? About wealth, about success, about a handsome prince, where would we be without him. The problem is that the brighter and more realistic your dreams are, the sooner they will turn into illusions. That they will come and give you everything themselves. The Heavenly Office will collect the package and tomorrow you will wake up as a famous millionaire. At the same time, by the way, it is possible that the universe will be favorable to you and there will be a place for miracles in your life. But it won't be at all like what you imagined. And that’s it - your very smart brain will decide that life has not been a success at all. He is like that, yes, he will decide and instantly organize a depressive state for you. And it will not be so easy to convince him.
Dreams don't come true
Because if you dream of your own house with a garden, then this is not a dream, it is a goal. In the event that you have ideas on how to make money on this beauty. And if you just imagine how nice it is to lie in a hammock and listen to the birds singing, that’s not the goal. You spend time creating beautiful mental pictures. Try to remember your dream that came true - it came true some time after you stopped thinking about it, right? This is exactly how the visualization technique works: imagine, dream and forget. Because the picture that looms in your head prevents you from acting and generally makes you nervous. And how can you turn a dream into a goal? No way. And, therefore, it will not come true. Such are the miracles.