Spoiled children use crying to get extra toys and sweets, and spoiled women get clothes, rings, fur coats, and the like. Naturally, they should be better than those “that mymra Eleanor has.” In other words, crying can even be a tool for fulfilling desires.
Tears lighten the soul
But don't we cry with grief? It’s true that everyone has their own grief. One cries because of a pimple on his forehead, the other stoically endures a difficult operation. They cry from pain, because of the loss of money, property, loved ones, prospects in life, parting with a loved one, betrayal, troubles at work, etc.
Well, tears are natural and even healthy. They bring relief, reduce blood pressure, remove salts from the body, and wash the eyes.
The sentimental 18th century was a time of fascination with touching stories and heart-warming novels over which men and women shed tears.
This was not considered shameful, but, on the contrary, spoke of the sensitivity and nobility of the crying person’s nature. It was assumed that when the soul cries, then pure tears of reverent delight or empathy cleanse it of all filth.
Historians tell how her entire court, led by Prince Potemkin, wept along with Catherine II over the untimely death of yet another young favorite of the queen. Such tear therapy sessions helped to console Mother Empress.
There is only one reason for tears
The reason for tears, no matter what the reason for them, is the same - we cry because we feel sorry for ourselves.
Think for yourself. Do we grieve over the unfortunate fate of stolen money or property damaged by flood/fire? About the fate of a loved one who was taken away by “my heartless girlfriend”? Or maybe about the torment of the boss that he will experience in hell for mocking a defenseless subordinate?
It is understandable that we are upset because of the difficulties that will now complicate our lives.
The departure of a dear loved one to another world means for those remaining in this world the loss of support, the meaning of life, and habitual worries. All this causes a feeling of confusion and fear: how can I live without you? This question makes a person inconsolable.
Pity and sympathy for another sometimes brings tears. Not always, but only when the experiences of someone we sympathize with raise in our soul a storm of similar, but already experienced, emotions.
Even tears of delight or religious ecstasy are the tears of a person who has realized his sinfulness and insignificance before the beauty or face of God revealed to his eyes. This is exactly what those who have experienced similar states say.
Everything that has been said about the reason for crying is not an attempt to prove the complete selfishness of each of us. It’s just that human nature is such that it forces us to pass on current events through the prism of our own feelings and sensations, giving out already developed reactions to familiar situations.
For example, if the loss of a wallet has not yet caused negative emotions and tears in some lucky person, then it is unlikely that he will cry while listening to a dramatic story about such an incident.
Hello depression!
Women feel more sorry for themselves. Nowadays it is generally accepted that men do not cry. They are less emotional and more independent. It would be more correct to say that the strong do not cry. These are those who know that tears cannot help grief. They simply act, overcoming difficulties.
Those who do not know how and do not want to really work, prefer, when they encounter obstacles, to cry for a long time and feel sorry for themselves. So, “hello, depression”!
Why, why do my legs grow not from my armpits, but from a place known to everyone? Why doesn’t I, but someone else’s guy have a lot of money? Why does the neighbor's Klavka have herds of admirers, but I only have Vasya, and even he faded away?
Similar thoughts sadly wander through the head of a young lady who has caught her favorite depression. This fashionable word is even pronounced in a special way: oh, I have it again depression! In the 19th century, young rich idle people suffered from the same scourge. Then it was also fashionable, but it was called “spleen”.
This is not about illness, but about the bad habit of some people, more often women, to justify their laziness, inactivity or irresponsibility. Their “special mental organization,” it turns out, requires a certain dose of pity and understanding from others who are not capable of so subtly feeling the injustices of our world.
A young lady may not go to work, not prepare lunch for the children who came from school, but lie in an untidy apartment all day with tears in her eyes, immersed in her grievances at fate.
Work hard and depression will be over!
There is only one cure for depression - get up and start doing something: tidying up, baking a cake, keeping the children busy with something useful. You get involved in work - and there is no “depression”, the fascist is completely kaput.
After all, a friend has money because he earns it, and the neighbor’s Klavka attracts men with her cheerful disposition and kind heart, and not with pretensions to the world. Energetic workers have no time to feel sorry for themselves, they rarely cry.
The climber hanging over the abyss does not feel sorry for himself, does not cry when he climbs up with his last strength. When a selfless mother saves her child from trouble, she has no time for tears.
A strong nature, having encountered a difficulty, sees in it not just another step in fate, but a necessary condition for the education of the soul. A whiner, waiting for the gifts of fortune and being offended by their absence, lives life as a melancholy sufferer. However, it is his choice.
Work is the only way to overcome everything and enjoy life. A positive attitude towards what is happening is based on the understanding that everything that happens in life serves the main goal - increasing the spiritual strength of each of us.
With this attitude, the difficult trial that befalls a person does not require him to imitate joy, but does not plunge him into despondency. In full accordance with the old saying, which Leo Tolstoy loved so much: “Do what you must, and let it be what will be!”
Tearfulness is an emotional state that a person faces throughout his life. Let's consider the main causes and symptoms of tearfulness syndrome, methods of treatment and prevention.
Tears are a normal reaction of the body to various factors. The tear reflex manifests itself in childhood, when a child expresses his feelings and emotions with the help of tears. That is, crying can be called a physiological reaction of the body to certain stimuli, causing special facial expressions. Tears, in turn, are an excellent emotional release that allows you to get rid of emotional pain.
Unlike crying, tearfulness is excessive tearfulness for any reason, even the most insignificant. This could be a touching film, remarks from a boss or, conversely, praise, excessive attention from strangers, and much more. But the most unpleasant thing is that it is not always possible to control the urge to cry. If short-term tears cause a desire to console, then constant tearfulness causes fatigue and irritation in others.
If tearfulness occurs for unknown reasons, then this may indicate various disorders and diseases of the body. Due to regular tears, mental health suffers significantly, since crying is accompanied by aggression, bad mood, irritability and even drowsiness. In this case, examination and treatment, both medicinal and psychological, are required.
Crying is always the result of a stressful state. It's natural to cry at a funeral. Not every person is capable of crying over a sentimental novel or a sad piece of music, but it is quite possible to understand people who behave this way. Only causeless crying causes bewilderment.
From the point of view of others
Tears that seem unreasonable from the point of view of others are not always so in reality. In some cases, a person does not want anyone to know the reason for his tears, since it is not socially approved. For example, a girl may well not hold back her tears while watching her lover marry another, but from the point of view of the people present at the wedding, such feelings would look like a manifestation of selfishness. The desire to hide the true reason for the tears in such a situation seems quite natural, and those present will think that the guest “just got emotional.”
In some cases, the reason that caused tears is so insignificant that others do not notice it. This often happens to people suffering from neurasthenia. In this neurotic disorder, the exhausted nervous system becomes so sensitive and excitable that any stimulus causes a violent reaction: daylight seems too bright, a normal human voice makes you flinch, and some minor incident can cause tears. In this case, others may sincerely wonder why the person is crying, because nothing special happened.
From my own point of view
It also happens that a person does not hide the reason for his tears from others; he really cannot even explain to himself why he is crying.
The human psyche is a self-regulating system that has a number of protective mechanisms. Their action is aimed at ensuring stable functioning of the psyche, which can be disrupted by an abundance of negative emotions, but in some cases, defense mechanisms lead not to resolution, but to pseudo-resolution of intrapersonal conflict.
In particular, this threatens the mechanism of repression: thoughts and memories that cause negative emotions do not disappear, but are pushed into the sphere of the unconscious, where they are preserved and continue to have a destructive effect on the psyche. This leads to an increase in nervous tension, the causes of which the person is not aware of. This condition may well be resolved from time to time by “causeless” crying.
The relief that such tears bring does not last long, because the intrapersonal conflict is not resolved. Frequent tears for no apparent reason are a reason to consult a psychotherapist.
Tears are a manifestation of emotions and feelings that help determine a person’s state. These can be tears of joy or despair, pain, or the result of a nervous breakdown. Actually, the life of every person on the planet begins with crying.
What a child's cry can tell you
Each of us has encountered the crying of a newborn, who communicates with his parents through tears during the first months of his life. One of the common reasons - hunger, which, together with intestinal colic, drives parents to the point of madness. However, a baby’s cry is not always the same and mothers know how to understand when the baby wants to eat and when he is screaming from unbearable pain caused by colic.
What to do if a child screams heart-rendingly for no apparent reason for a long time? Some experts recommend leaving the child alone with his tears instead of consolation. For some reason, they assume that such an attitude towards a child will help raise an independent, self-sufficient personality. However, where is the confidence that, having matured a little, your child will not doubt your feelings for him? And being attacked by peers, such a “self-sufficient” child will not turn to his parents for help, but will humbly endure all the bullying, which can provoke serious problems, including and psychological.
Why do men and women cry?
Over time, children grow up, but tears never disappear from their lives. If with babies everything is clear, what makes adults cry? Why can successful and happy women cry more than once in a month? Although it is generally accepted that men do not cry, they can shed a “stingy male tear” more than once.
A 2009 study of 5,715 people found that women cry on average 5.3 times a month for 6 minutes? Men shed 1.3 tears per month for 2–4 minutes.
The reason for tears in 27% of cases is the loss of loved ones. Life's losses make men and women cry equally. In addition, representatives of both sexes sympathize and empathize with others in exactly the same way; 16% of crying falls into this category of emotional expression.
Both men and women become participants in conflict situations, misunderstandings on the part of their partners. However, women are upset about this twice as often as men, defending their interests with the help of their main weapon - tears. Tears expressing anger are characteristic exclusively of the fair half of humanity. By the way, tears of joy appear in the male population 2.5 times more often than in women. And in general, men's tears can be caused by natural phenomena or objects of art. Worth thinking...
It is interesting that the expressiveness of crying is due to the financial side of the state. It would seem that people who are not financially secure should shed tears more often due to the lack of sufficient funds to existence however, in practice it is observed that the richer the state, the more its people cry. It is quite possible that in economically developed countries the overt expression of one’s emotions is culturally acceptable.
Cleansing the body with tears
Emotional tears and the so-called “basal” ones, although purely from the biological side they perform the same function, from a psychological point of view, differ in their purpose.
Let us turn to the theory of the “emotional steam boiler”, according to which the long-term accumulation of emotions inside oneself is not permissible, they must be constantly splashed out, like steam. In other words, after crying, life becomes easier. But what about unexpected tears of joy or hysterical sobs? The emotional “steam cauldron” is not bottomless...
From the point of view of physiologists, tears expressing emotions are intended to cleanse a person’s internal state of various types of negative garbage. For example, the pain of unrequited love or parting with a loved one, accumulating inside, at one point bursts out along with tears.
Many people inextricably associate such a state of mind as depression with crying. Indeed, under the influence of depression, people cry, and these tears express anger or frustration. Under no circumstances should such people be pitied! It is important to provide moral assistance, to guide a person to solve his problem, which and provoked anger and despair.
A representative of classical psychology, Freud called tears with the beautiful Greek term “catharsis,” which translated into Russian sounds like cleansing. But still, modern scientists reject such an explanation of human crying, believing that it is not entirely logical to convey one’s positive emotions through tears.
Tears as a result of a change in psychological state
The two-phase theory of emotional crying is recognized as the most adequate, according to which tears appear after the human body transitions from the phase of sympathetic activity to the parasympathetic. In other words, after a person has experienced strong emotional stress, a phase of relaxation and complete psychological recovery occurs in the body. As a result, the level of adrenaline in the blood decreases and a decrease in muscle tone is observed. People say “a stone off my shoulders”, “let go”.
The change from a stressful state to relaxation in the vast majority of cases occurs under the influence of a psychologically important event. For example, a lost child will cry when he finds his parents, these are tears of happiness and the knowledge that he is safe. It is unlikely that you will meet a child who, sobbing, looks for his mother or father. This is typical only in those cases when the baby despairs of searching and tries to call on the people around him for help.
Japanese businessman Hiroki Takai has been holding meetings since 2013, during which group shedding of tears is organized in an understanding company. The so-called “search for tears” ritual or “Rui Katsu” is the most effective cleansing of negativity through collective crying rather than crying alone.
It is interesting that in the world there is such a category of people as professional mourners who are invited to funerals. They dress in black clothes and quite naturally and naturally mourn for a complete stranger.
In conclusion, it remains to add that there is no need to hide your sincere emotions: cry to your health! There is nothing indecent about crying, especially if the tears come from the soul!
February 12, 2014
A modern woman builds a career, raises children, takes care of home comfort, and supports her man. She is no longer that vulnerable young lady from the century before last who fainted from an overabundance of feelings. But even a strong and successful lady cries sometimes. Should you be ashamed of your emotions? Why don't men like our tears? How to cry with health benefits?
To understand the nature of tears and your own emotionality, Polina Avdeeva went to a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, assistant at the Department of Psychiatry and Medical Psychology of NSMA Olga Tyukanko.
Olga, as children we cry a lot, and only with age do we begin to control our emotions. Why does our life begin with tears?
- Children are unable to express their desires differently; they communicate any discomfort by crying. This is also due to the fact that the brain system responsible for the formation of emotions develops in humans unevenly, step by step. By the time of birth, the areas responsible for negative emotions are mainly developed in it. There is no need to neglect children's crying, but there is also no need to panic: after all, such crying is not the tears that adults shed when their soul hurts. Babies usually cry for simple reasons - they are wet, they want to eat, they are bored, their tummy hurts. If the child is generally healthy, then you can always find the reason for his bad mood. It happens that children cry “all day long” - in this case, you need to show the baby to the doctor and find out the reasons. But when a little person is too “happy with life” and does not cry under any circumstances, this may indicate a severe pathology of the central nervous system or a mental disorder, and a visit to the doctor is simply necessary.
- As children grow older, they can express emotions differently, but they still cry often. Can this be considered manipulation?
Any emotion is, in a sense, manipulation. A lot depends on the parents here. A child needs approval, support, care, and if adults are able to give them to their baby, then he does not need to achieve love with tears. There is such a concept - unconditional love or unconditional acceptance - when a child is loved for no reason, simply because he exists. This is perhaps the main thing that they can do. When the adoption of a child is “issued” according to a schedule and for certain merits, the little person develops anxiety and fear of being rejected, of not earning approval and love, and begins to search for ways to achieve this, at any cost. This is where the real “fights” with parents begin, in which both sides suffer.
It just so happens that girls have the right to cry, but boys are raised from childhood according to the principle “men don’t cry.” Is it correct?
- You need to feel sorry for the boys, they are people too. When parents say “don't cry, be strong,” they are rejecting the child. Perhaps they are lazy or do not have the desire to figure it out, or they do not have positive experience in overcoming such problems in their own lives. To understand a child, you need strength and an emotional response. You need to feel sorry for the children. And as much as the child requires. Not only children, but all people have a need for warmth, and it is different for everyone. For some, a kiss before bed once a week is enough, while others need a daily and long hug. But it is devastating for a child when his mother or grandmother becomes his slaves. The cult of a child in a family is a terrible thing. Therefore, you always need to set certain boundaries for your child, teach him, and learn to build relationships yourself, respecting each other.
It happens that we women cry, and we ourselves cannot explain what exactly became the reason for the tears. Is it worth fighting the “desire to cry” in this case?
- There are no tears without a reason. If they don’t cause much trouble, then everything is fine, cry for your health. But it happens that such an outlet of emotions is accompanied by anguish and severe suffering. Then it’s worth thinking about what’s going on inside us. In addition, emotional reactions become aggravated during certain physiological periods during hormonal changes - before menstruation, while expecting a child, during menopause. Everyone has a different expression of emotions: some become more aggressive, more irritable, while others become more whiny. It is important that loved ones treat the woman with understanding at this time. You need to discuss everything, explain your condition to your family, and sometimes ask for help.
- But those who cry often are considered unbalanced or weak. Is this also a prejudice?
- All people are different: for some, emotionality is muted, for others, on the contrary, it goes over the edge. The spread of the norm is very large. There is an individual norm. For example, there is a person for whom emotionality is a common thing. He can be cheerful for an hour, sad the next, and then laugh again and enjoy life. And for him, in his particular case, this is quite natural, but if this same person suddenly becomes absolutely even in the expression of emotions, calm and stable, then this is a deviation for him. There is a situational norm - when even a seemingly completely unemotional person will suddenly cry, and in this case it will also be absolutely normal. In general, one cannot talk about the norm in the abstract - each specific case should be considered.
- And if I like to cry, is that also normal?
- The desire to cry may be associated with upbringing: how your parents treated such a manifestation of emotions, what it evoked in them, what it gave you. Over the course of life, we acquire a set of emotional and behavioral patterns that are convenient, effective and beneficial for us. The cause of tearfulness may be depression, which is actually extremely common. In such cases, it is not enough to simply reflect on what is happening inside you; you need the help of a qualified specialist! There is no denying that any emotion has certain goals, so tears can help you feel mental relief.
In general, crying is an absolutely natural emotion, it’s just “wet”. For example, someone snores, someone does not snore, we don’t say that this person is normal and that other person is not. Tears can actually be fun. This is a natural physiological process. Here you can simply compare the need to cry with other physiological needs. We get pleasure when we were tormented by hunger, and then we finally ate. But besides the physiological, there is another level. Sexual intercourse can bring not only physiological satisfaction, but also other things - at a higher level. Tears are like breathing, if you want to cry. But society puts a lot of pressure on us and constantly creates boundaries for us. From birth we are taught that we should not walk around snotty or blow our nose, even yawning in public is bad manners. Our emotions are also clamped, especially this social pressure affects men, and entails various consequences, for example, cardiovascular diseases, but this is a completely different topic.
- Is it worth hiding tears from men?
- Men and women are from different planets. When a woman cries, she wants to receive a portion of affection and support. The man is aimed at solving the problem - he begins to tell her what to do, how to resolve this or that situation. A woman does not need advice at this moment. A man strives to get rid of emotional pressure as quickly as possible, it is difficult for him - after all, they demand something from him, but the help that he is ready to provide is not accepted. In such situations, both parties are irritated and dissatisfied, which often occurs. Therefore, you need to discuss your expectations and try to understand each other.
Let’s say that emotionality is the norm for me, but in society it is customary to behave in a certain way. How can I control my emotions without harming my health?
- You need to find your degree of freedom, make your choice and be a harmonious person. It is difficult for an emotional person to be within strict limits; you should not choose a job that requires restraint, calmness, and composure from you. It is better to go for a job that is suitable for a sensitive person - organizing holidays, working with children, being a presenter. Whatever you want, the main thing is that you feel comfortable. Emotionality should find expression - let it be realized anywhere - draw, create, do what you know and what you like. You are looking for areas of life in which you can freely express yourself - be it work, creativity or communication with loved ones. Expressing emotions is vital! Love, respect and, under no circumstances, break yourself.
Interviewed by Polina Avdeeva