The textbook is intended for students of higher educational institutions specializing in psychology and social pedagogy. It reveals the basic psychological patterns of marriage and family as a special space of life. The basic principles and approaches to counseling the family as a living, developing system are systematized. The main phenomena and problems of family relationships are considered in the logic of the development of life phases of family development from premarital courtship to late adulthood.

Nikolai Nikolaevich Posysoev
Fundamentals of family psychology and family counseling

Introduction

In recent years, interest in the family of specialists in various fields of scientific knowledge, both theoreticians and practitioners, has increased significantly. Essentially, the family is currently a field of multidisciplinary research. Interest in it is associated with the role it plays in the process of formation and development of the individual, and, consequently, the present and future society as a whole. Possessing stability and even some rigidity, the family nevertheless reacts very sensitively to the socio-economic and political processes occurring in society through changes in the system of intra-family relations. The increase in the number of problem families during transitional, crisis periods of social development illustrates this dependence.

Supporting the family and strengthening its educational potential requires specialists working with the family to have deep systemic knowledge, the ability to identify points of application of professional efforts, and find adequate means and ways of interacting with it. The textbook for future educational psychologists and social educators systematizes various domestic and foreign approaches to understanding the patterns of family functioning and development, as well as methods of psychological and pedagogical work with it. While working on the manual, the authors tried to give a holistic picture of the family as a subject of psychological analysis and psychological and pedagogical practice. The central idea underlying it is to consider the family as a special system, characterized by a certain cyclical nature of the processes of formation and development, as well as a special space within which a person experiences various emotionally significant events and carries out creative activities to reproduce life.

The manual consists of seven chapters, each of which reveals the content of a separate aspect of the psychological analysis of the family and describes a certain area of ​​psychological and pedagogical influence on the family.

Due to the fact that Russia is a multinational state, one of the paragraphs is devoted to the peculiarities of the existence and functioning of the family, determined by ethnic and religious factors.

A separate chapter is devoted to a relatively new field of activity for domestic specialists - psychological counseling of families. It also discusses the approaches of the main psychological schools to working with families, including the experience of Russian psychologists.

The last chapter is devoted to the means of psychological and pedagogical diagnosis of the problem field of the family and ways of working with it. It proposes methods and technologies used at various stages of working with families, which can be used to develop the practical skills of future specialists.

Chapter 1. FAMILY AS AN OBJECT OF PSYCHOLOGICAL RESEARCH AND INFLUENCE

1. Psychological content of the concept of “family”

There are quite a lot of definitions of family in the scientific literature, and many definitions have entered the public consciousness so long ago that it is difficult to establish the authorship of these definitions.

The family is defined as a social institution, as a unit of society, as a small group of relatives living together and leading a common household. However, the psychological approach to understanding the family (unlike, for example, sociological and economic approaches) has its own specifics. Within this approach family is considered as a space of joint life activity, within which the specific needs of people connected by blood and family ties are satisfied. This space is a rather complex structure, consisting of various kinds of elements (roles, positions, coalitions, etc.) and a system of relationships between its members. So the structure exists in accordance with the laws of a living organism, therefore it has natural dynamics, passing through a number of phases and stages in its development.

A lot of research has been devoted to family and marriage from antiquity to the present day. Even the ancient thinkers Plato and Aristotle substantiated their views on marriage and family, criticized the type of family of their time and put forward projects for its transformation.

Science has extensive and reliable information about the nature of family relationships in the history of the development of society. Family change has evolved from promiscuity (promiscuity), group marriage, matriarchy and patriarchy to monogamy. The family passed from a lower to a higher form as society rose through the stages of development.

Based on ethnographic research, three eras can be distinguished in the history of mankind: savagery, barbarism and civilization. Each of them had its own social institutions, dominant forms of relations between men and women, and its own family.

A great contribution to the study of the dynamics of family relations in the history of the development of society was made by the Swiss historian I. J. Bachofen, who wrote the book “Mother’s Law” (1861), and the Scottish lawyer J.F. McLennan, the author of the study “Primitive Marriage” ( 1865).

The early stages of social development were characterized by promiscuity of sexual relations. With the advent of childbirth, group marriage arose, which regulated these relationships. Groups of men and women lived side by side and were in a “communal marriage” - each man considered himself the husband of all the women. Gradually, a group family was formed in which the woman occupied a special position. Through heterism (gynecocracy) - relationships based on the high position of women in society - all nations went towards individual marriage and family. The children were in the women's group and only when they grew older did they move to the men's group. Initially, endogamy dominated - free connections within the clan, then, as a result of the emergence of social "taboos", exogamy (from the Greek "exo" - outside and "gamos" - marriage) - the prohibition of marriages within "one's" clans and the need to enter into it with members of other communities. The clan consisted of halves that arose during the union of two linear exogamous tribes, or phratries (dual clan organization), in each of which men and women could not marry each other, but found a mate among the men and women of the other half of the clan . The incest taboo (prohibition of incest) was studied by E. Westermarck. He proved that this powerful social norm strengthened the family. A consanguineous family appeared: marriage groups were divided by generation, sexual relations between parents and children were excluded.

Later, the punaluan family developed - a group marriage that included brothers with their wives or a group of sisters with their husbands. In such a family, sexual relations between sisters and brothers were excluded. Kinship was determined on the maternal side, paternity was unknown. Such families were observed by L. Morgan in the Indian tribes of North America.

Then a polygamous marriage was formed: polygamy, polyandry. The savages killed newborn girls, which is why each tribe had an excess of men, and women had several husbands. In this situation, when it was impossible to determine paternal kinship, maternal law developed (the right to children remained with the mother).

Polygyny arose due to the significant loss of men during wars. There were few men, and they had several wives.

The leading role in the family passed from women (matriarchy) to men (patriarchy). At its core, patriarchy was associated with inheritance law, i.e. with the authority of the father, not the husband. The woman's task was to give birth to children, the heirs of the father. She was required to observe marital fidelity, since motherhood is always obvious, but paternity is not.

In the code of the Babylonian king Hammurabi, several thousand years BC, monogamy was proclaimed, but at the same time the inequality of men and women was enshrined. The master in a monogamous family was the male father, who was interested in keeping property in the hands of his blood heirs. The composition of the family was significantly limited, the strictest marital fidelity was required from the woman, and adultery was severely punished. Men, however, were allowed to take concubines. Similar laws were issued in ancient and medieval times in all countries.

Many ethnographers have noted that prostitution has always existed as the antithesis of monogamy. In some societies, so-called religious prostitution was widespread: a tribal leader, priest or other government official had the right to spend the first wedding night with the bride. The prevailing belief was that the priest, using the right of the first night, sanctified the marriage. It was considered a great honor for the newlyweds if the king himself enjoyed the right of the first night.

In studies devoted to family problems, the main stages of its evolution are traced: in almost all nations, the calculation of kinship on the mother's side preceded the calculation of kinship on the father's side; at the primary stage of sexual relations, along with temporary (short and casual) monogamous relationships, wide freedom of marital relations prevailed; gradually freedom of sexual life was limited, the number of persons having the right to marry a particular woman (or man) decreased; The dynamics of marriage relations in the history of the development of society consisted of a transition from group marriage to individual marriage.

The relationship between parents and children has also transformed throughout history. There are six styles of relationships with children.

Infanticidal - infanticide, violence (from antiquity to the 4th century AD).

Abandoning - the child is given to a wet nurse, to someone else’s family, to a monastery, etc. (IV–XVII centuries).

Ambivalent - children are not considered full members of the family, they are denied independence and individuality, they are “molded” in the “image and likeness”, and in case of resistance they are severely punished (XIV-XVII centuries).

Obsessive - the child becomes closer to his parents, his behavior is strictly regulated, his inner world is controlled (XVIII century).

Socializing – parents’ efforts are aimed at preparing children for independent life, character formation; a child for them is an object of education and training (XIX - early XX centuries).

Helping - parents strive to ensure the individual development of the child, taking into account his inclinations and abilities, to establish emotional contact (mid-20th century - present).

In the 19th century Empirical studies of the emotional sphere of the family, the drives and needs of its members appear (primarily the work of Frederic Le Play). The family is studied as a small group with its inherent life cycle, history of origin, functioning and disintegration. The subject of research is feelings, passions, mental and moral life. In the historical dynamics of the development of family relations, Le Plet noted the direction from the patriarchal type of family to the unstable one, with the separated existence of parents and children, with the weakening of paternal authority, leading to the disorganization of society.

Further studies of relationships in the family concentrate on the study of interaction, communication, interpersonal harmony, closeness of family members in various social and family situations, on the organization of family life and factors of stability of the family as a group (the works of J. Piaget, Z. Freud and their followers).

The development of society determined a change in the system of values ​​and social norms of marriage and family that support the extended family; sociocultural norms of high fertility were supplanted by social norms of low fertility.

National characteristics of family relationships

Until the middle of the 19th century. the family was considered as the initial micromodel of society, social relations were derived from family ones, society itself was interpreted by researchers as an expanded family, and as a patriarchal family with the corresponding attributes: authoritarianism, property, subordination, etc.

Ethnography has accumulated extensive material reflecting the national characteristics of family relationships. Thus, monogamy dominated in Ancient Greece. The families were large. The incest taboo was in effect. The father was the master of his wife, children, and cohabitants. Men enjoyed greater rights. Women were subject to severe punishment for adultery, but a Spartan could give his wife to any guest who asked him about it. Children of other men remained in the family if they were healthy boys.

In Ancient Rome, monogamy was encouraged, but extramarital affairs were widespread. According to Roman law, marriage existed solely for procreation. Great importance was attached to the wedding ceremony, which was extremely expensive and planned down to the smallest detail. The father's authority was exceptional; the children obeyed only him. A woman was considered part of her husband's property.

Science has extensive information about the influence of Christianity on the institution of family in many countries of the world. Church doctrine sanctified monogamy, sexual purity, chastity, and anathematized polygamy and polyandry. However, in practice, the clergy did not always follow church canons. The Church extolled virginity, abstinence during widowhood, and virtuous marriage. Marriages between Christians and people of other faiths were considered sinful. There was a liberal attitude towards them only in the period of early Christianity, since it was believed that with the help of marriage a Christian could convert another lost person to the true faith.

In the early days of Christianity, marriage was considered a private matter. Subsequently, the norm of marriage with the consent of the priest was established. Even a widow could not remarry without his blessing.

The church also dictated the rules of sexual relations. In 398, the Council of Carfanes made a decision according to which the girl had to remain virgin for three days and three nights after the wedding. And only later it was allowed to have sexual intercourse on the wedding night, but only on condition of paying a church fee.

Formally, Christianity recognized the spiritual equality of women and men. However, in reality the position of women was degraded. Only certain categories of women - widows, virgins, serving in monasteries and hospitals - had authority in society and were in a privileged position.

Family in Russia

In Russia, family relationships became an object of study only in the middle of the 19th century.

The sources of the research were ancient Russian chronicles and literary works. Historians D.N. Dubakin, M.M. Kovalevsky and others gave a deep analysis of family and marriage relations in Ancient Rus'. Particular attention was paid to the study of the family code “Domostroya” - a literary monument of the 16th century, published in 1849.

In the 20s–50s. XX century studies reflected trends in the development of modern family relationships. Thus, P. A. Sorokin analyzed crisis phenomena in the Soviet family: the weakening of marital, parent-child and family ties. Family feelings became a less strong bond than party camaraderie. During the same period, works devoted to the “women's issue” appeared. In the articles of A. M. Kollontai, for example, a woman’s freedom from her husband, parents, and motherhood was proclaimed. Psychology and sociology of the family were declared bourgeois pseudosciences incompatible with Marxism.

Since the mid-50s. family psychology began to revive, theories appeared that explained the functioning of the family as a system, the motives for marriage, revealing the characteristics of marital and parent-child relationships, the causes of family conflicts and divorces; Family psychotherapy began to actively develop (Yu.A. Aleshina, A.S. Spivakovskaya, E.G. Eidemiller, etc.).

Analysis of sources allows us to trace the dynamics of the development of family relations “from Rus' to Russia.” At each stage of the development of society, a certain normative model of the family prevailed, including family members with a certain status, rights and responsibilities, and normative behavior.

The normative pre-Christian family model included parents and children. The relationship between mother and father was either conflictual or built on the principle of “dominance-submission.” Children were subordinate to their parents. There was a generational conflict, confrontation between parents and children. The distribution of roles in the family assumed the man's responsibility for the external, natural, social environment, while the woman was more included in the internal space of the family, in the home. The status of a married person was higher than that of a single person. A woman had freedom both before marriage and during marriage, the power of men - husband, father - was limited. The woman had the right to divorce and could return to her parents' family. Unlimited power in the family was enjoyed by the “bolyiukha” - the wife of the father or eldest son, as a rule, the most able-bodied and experienced woman. Everyone was obliged to obey her - both women and younger men in the family.

With the emergence of the Christian family model (XII–XIV centuries), relations between household members changed. The man began to reign supreme over them, everyone was obliged to obey him, he was responsible for the family. The relationship between spouses in a Christian marriage presupposed a clear understanding of each family member’s place. The husband, as the head of the family, was obliged to bear the burden of responsibility, the wife humbly took second place. She was required to do handicrafts, housework, as well as raising and teaching children. Mother and child were somewhat isolated, left to their own devices, but at the same time they felt the invisible and formidable power of the father. “Raise a child in prohibitions”, “loving your son, increase his wounds” - it is written in “Domostroy”. The main responsibilities of children are absolute obedience, love for their parents, and care for them in old age.

In the sphere of interpersonal relations between spouses, parental roles dominated over erotic roles; the latter were not completely denied, but were recognized as insignificant. The wife had to “discipline” her husband, i.e. act in accordance with his wishes.

Family pleasures, according to Domostroi, include: comfort in the home, delicious food, honor and respect from neighbors; Fornication, foul language, and anger are condemned. Conviction of significant and respected people was considered a terrible punishment for the family. Dependence on human opinion is the main feature of the national character of family relations in Rus'. The social environment had to demonstrate family well-being and it was strictly forbidden to divulge family secrets, i.e. there were two worlds - for yourself and for people.

Among the Russians, like all Eastern Slavs, a large family prevailed for a long time, uniting relatives along the direct and lateral lines. Such families included grandfather, sons, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Several married couples jointly owned property and ran a household. The family was led by the most experienced, mature, able-bodied man who had power over all family members. As a rule, he had an adviser - an older woman who ran the household, but did not have such power in the family as in the 12th–14th centuries. The position of the remaining women was completely unenviable - they were practically powerless and did not inherit any property in the event of the death of their spouse.

By the 18th century In Russia, an individual family of two or three generations of relatives in a direct line has become normative.

At the turn of the 19th–20th centuries. Researchers have documented a family crisis, accompanied by deep internal contradictions. The authoritarian power of men was lost. The family has lost the functions of home production. The nuclear family consisting of spouses and children became the normative model.

In the eastern and southern national outskirts of pre-revolutionary Russia, family life was built in accordance with patriarchal traditions, polygamy and the unlimited power of the father over children were preserved. Some peoples had a custom of taking bride price - bride price. Often, parents made a deal when the bride and groom were infancy or even before they were born. Along with this, bride kidnapping was practiced. Having kidnapped or bought a wife, the husband became her full owner. The fate of a wife was especially difficult if she fell into a family where the husband already had several wives. In Muslim families, there was a certain hierarchy among wives, which gave rise to rivalry and jealousy. Among the eastern peoples, divorce was the privilege of men; it was carried out very easily: the husband simply kicked out his wife.

Many peoples of Siberia, the North and the Far East retained vestiges of the tribal system and polygamy for a long time. People were strongly influenced by shamans.

Modern studies of family and marital relations

Currently, the problems of marriage - parenthood - kinship are paid more attention not only in theory, but also in practice. The works of Yu. I. Aleshina, V. N. Druzhinin, S. V. Kovalev, A. S. Spivakovskaya, E. G. Eidemiller and other scientists emphasize that the family directly or indirectly reflects all changes occurring in society, although and has relative independence and stability. Despite all the changes and shocks, the family as a social institution has survived. In recent years, its ties with society have weakened, which has negatively affected both the family and society as a whole, which already feels the need to restore old values, study new trends and processes, as well as organize practical preparation of young people for family life.

The psychology of family relationships develops in connection with the tasks of preventing nervous and mental diseases, as well as problems of family education. The issues considered by family psychology are varied: these are problems of marital, parent-child relationships, relationships with older generations in the family, directions of development, diagnosis, family counseling, correction of relationships.

The family is the object of study of many sciences - sociology, economics, law, ethnography, psychology, demography, pedagogy, etc. Each of them, in accordance with its subject, studies specific aspects of the functioning and development of the family. Economics – consumer aspects of the family and its participation in the production of material goods and services. Ethnography – features of the way of life and way of life of families with different ethnic characteristics. Demography is the role of the family in the process of population reproduction. Pedagogy – its educational capabilities.

Integration of these areas of family study allows us to obtain a holistic understanding of the family as a social phenomenon that combines the features of a social institution and a small group.

The psychology of family relationships focuses on the study of the patterns of interpersonal relationships in the family, intrafamily relationships (their stability, stability) from the standpoint of influence on personality development. Knowledge of patterns allows you to carry out practical work with families, diagnose and help rebuild family relationships. The main parameters of interpersonal relationships are status-role differences, psychological distance, relationship valence, dynamics, stability.

The family as a social institution has its own development trends. Nowadays, rejection of the traditional requirement for the family in its unambiguous sequence: marriage, sexuality, pro-creation (birth, birth) is no longer considered a violation of sociocultural norms (the birth of a child out of wedlock, sexual relations before marriage, the intrinsic value of the husband’s intimate relationships and wives, etc.).

Many modern women do not perceive motherhood as an exclusively marital attribute. One third of families consider the birth of a child to be an obstacle to marriage, with women more so than men (36 and 29%, respectively). A sociocultural normative system has emerged—procreative ethics: getting married is preferable, but not obligatory; having children is desirable, but not having them is not an anomaly; Sexual life outside of marriage is not a mortal sin.

A new direction in the development of the psychology of family relationships is the development of its methodological foundations, relying on which allows us to avoid fragmentation, randomness, and intuitiveness. According to the basic methodological principle of systematicity, family relationships represent a structured integrity, the elements of which are interconnected and interdependent. These are marital, parent-child, child-parent, child-child, grandparent-parent, grandparent-child relationships.

An important methodological principle - synergetic - allows us to consider the dynamics of family relationships from the perspective of nonlinearity, disequilibrium, taking into account periods of crisis.

Currently, family psychotherapy is being actively developed, based on a systematic, scientific approach, integrating accumulated experience, identifying general patterns of therapy for families with relationship disorders.

Questions and tasks

1. Name the stages of development of the psychology of family relationships.

2. Describe family relationships in ancient times.

3. Describe monogamous families.

4. Name the directions of family evolution.

5. Reveal the dynamics of attitude towards children.

5. What are the specifics of family relationships in Russia?

Abstract topics

1. The formation of the psychology of family relationships.

2. The evolution of family and marriage relations in the history of the development of society.

3. Orthodox families.

4. Relationships in Muslim families.

5. Attitude towards children in families from antiquity to the present day.

Antonov A.I. Sociology of the family. – M., 1996.

Arutyunyan Yu. V., Drobizheva L, M., Susokolov A. A. Ethnosociology. – M., 1998.

Bakhofen I. Ya. Mother's right. – M., 1861.

Westermarck E. Marriage History. – M., 2001.

Vitek K. Problems of marital well-being. – M., 1988.

Kovalevsky M. M. Essay on the origin and development of family and property. - M., 1895.

McLennan J.F. Primitive marriage. – M., 1861.

Schneider L.B. Psychology of family relationships. – M., 2000.

Engels F. Origin of the family, private property and state. - M., 1972.

General concept of counseling

The word “consultation” is used in several meanings: it is a meeting, an exchange of opinions of specialists on any matter; specialist advice; an institution that provides such advice, such as a legal aid office. Thus, to consult means to consult with a specialist on some issue.

Psychological counseling has a pronounced specificity, which is determined by the subject, goals and objectives of this process, as well as by how the consultant understands his professional role in the individual logic of family life. The characteristics of counseling are undoubtedly influenced by theoretical preferences, scientific approach, or the school to which the consultant belongs. Thus, the style of counseling in line with the person-oriented approach is characterized by complete focus on the client, special attention to his experiences and experiences. The cognitive behavioral approach, or NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), involves short-term counseling, similar to the process of social learning or retraining.

Abroad, counseling psychology stood out as a special approach to providing psychological assistance to individuals and families in difficult life situations in the 50s. XX century It is distinguished from classical psychotherapy by its rejection of the concept of illness, greater attention to the client’s life situation and his personal resources; from training - attaching importance not so much to knowledge, but to the ways of interaction between the consultant and the client, which gives rise to additional opportunities to independently overcome difficulties.

In Russian psychological science, the term “consultative psychology” appeared in the early 90s. last century. Counseling psychology is based on the idea that with the help of a specially organized communication process, a person seeking help can be updated with additional psychological strengths and abilities that will help him find new opportunities to get out of a difficult life situation.

Counseling psychology attempts to answer five basic questions. What is the essence of the process that arises between a person (or family) who finds himself in a difficult situation and asks for help (client), and the person providing it (consultant)! What functions should a consultant perform and what personality traits, attitudes, knowledge and skills are necessary to successfully perform their functions? What reserves, internal strengths of the client can be updated during counseling? What features does the situation in the client’s life impose on the counseling process? What methods and techniques can be consciously used in the process of providing assistance?

Despite all the differences that are observed today in understanding the essence of psychological counseling and its tasks, theorists and practitioners agree that counseling is a professional interaction between a trained consultant and a client, aimed at solving the latter’s problem. This interaction is usually face-to-face, although it can sometimes involve more than two people. The rest of the positions differ. Some believe that counseling is different from psychotherapy and is focused on more superficial work (for example, on interpersonal relationships), and its main task is to help a family or individual look at their problems and life difficulties from the outside, to demonstrate and discuss those aspects of relationships, which, being sources of difficulties, are usually not realized and not controlled (Yu. E. Aleshina, 1994). Others consider counseling a form of psychotherapy and see its central task as helping the client find his true Self and find the courage to become this Self (R. May, 1994).

In the last decade, there has been a tendency to broadly use the term “psychological counseling” (V. A. Binas, B. M. Masterov, etc.) as a synonym for psychological support of a client (individual or family) during difficult periods of life. It is this understanding of counseling that we will adhere to. Depending on the life situation of a person or family (as a collective client), the goals of counseling may be certain changes in self-awareness (formation of a productive attitude towards life, acceptance of it in all its manifestations, not excluding suffering; gaining faith in one’s strengths and the desire to overcome difficulties, restoration broken connections between family members, formation of family members’ responsibility for each other, etc.), behavioral changes (formation of ways of productive interaction of family members with each other and with the outside world).

Psychological counseling of the family should be aimed at restoring or transforming the connections of family members with each other and the world, at developing the ability to understand each other and form a full-fledged family We, flexibly regulating relationships both within the family and with various social groups.

Main stages of the counseling process

Psychological counseling is a holistic system. It can be represented as a process unfolding over time, a joint and shared activity of the consultant and the client, in which three main components are distinguished.

Diagnostic – systematically tracking the dynamics of the development of a person or family who has asked for help; collection and accumulation of information and minimal and sufficient diagnostic procedures. Based on joint research, the psychologist and the client determine guidelines for joint work (goals and objectives), distribute responsibility, and identify the limits of necessary support.

When working with each family, the goals and objectives are unique, as is its life situation, but if we talk about the general task of family counseling, then this is not at all “providing psychological comfort” and “getting rid of suffering”; the main thing in a crisis situation is to help you accept life in all its manifestations (not excluding suffering), go through life’s difficulties and, by rethinking your relationships with yourself, others, the world as a whole, accept responsibility for your life and the lives of your loved ones and productively transform your life situation .

The consultant provides the necessary support to the client, flexibly changing its form and extent in accordance with his condition and prospects for immediate development. The family itself and only itself can survive the events, circumstances and changes in its life that gave rise to family dysfunction. And no one can do this for family members, just as the best teacher cannot understand the material being explained for his student. The consultant can only create conditions for change and stimulate this process: organize, guide, provide favorable conditions for it, striving to ensure that it leads to the improvement of the family or, at least, does not follow a pathological or socially unacceptable path (alcoholism, neuroticism, psychopathization, suicide, crime, etc.). Thus, the goal takes into account the characteristics of the client and his life situation as much as possible.

The main stage of counseling is the selection and use of means that make it possible to create conditions that stimulate positive changes in family relationships and facilitate mastery of methods of productive interaction. At this stage, the consultant comprehends the diagnostic results (joint research, tracking) and, based on them, thinks through what conditions are necessary for the favorable development of the family and the individual, the acquisition by family members of positive relationships towards themselves, others, the world as a whole and flexibility, the ability to successfully communicate with each other and with society, to adapt to it. Then he develops and implements flexible individual and group programs for socio-psychological support of the family, its development, focused on a specific family and specific children and adults and taking into account their characteristics and needs. It is also envisaged to create special socio-psychological conditions to provide assistance to adults and children with particularly complex problems.

Analysis of intermediate and final results of joint work and making changes to the consulting and support program based on them.

Psychological counseling is a prolonged, multi-stage process. His process analysis involves identifying the dynamics, which consists of stages, steps and steps, and one should distinguish between the dynamics of a single meeting (consultation or training) and the dynamics of the entire counseling process.

To understand the dynamics, you can use the metaphor of a joint journey from the current situation to the desired future. Then counseling will appear as helping the client in solving three main problems:

determine “the place where the family is at the time of treatment” (What is the problem? What is the essence of family trouble and its causes?);

identify “the place where the traveler wants to come,” i.e. the state that the family or individual client wants to achieve (form an image of the desired future, determine its reality) and the choice of the direction of change (What to do? In which direction to move?);

help the client (family) move there (How to do this?).

The process of solving the first problem corresponds to the diagnostic component of support; the third can be thought of as transformation or rehabilitation. For the second task there is no ready-made term yet; it is resolved through an agreement between the client and the psychologist. Conventionally, this stage can be called a “responsible decision” or “choosing a path.”

This three-member model is implicitly present in a number of integrative approaches to counseling in psychology and social work (V.A. Goryanina, 1996; J. Eagen, 1994, etc.).

Of course, at the initial stage of mastering the profession, a consultant needs simpler and more mobile schemes as a guide. In terms of content, it is possible to distinguish three general stages of the support process:

Awareness of not only external, but also internal causes of the crisis (life difficulties);

Reconstruction of family or personal myth, development of value attitudes;

Mastering the necessary life strategies and behavioral tactics.

Methods and techniques used in family counseling

Traditionally, the main method of psychological counseling is an interview, i.e. therapeutic conversation aimed at social and psychological support and assistance to the family. However, today in the practice of counseling (including family counseling), the entire wealth of methods and techniques developed in various psychotherapeutic schools is widely used: dialogical communication, behavioral methods, psychodrama and role modeling, Kelly repertory grids, analysis of family history, genogram, as well as methods group therapy. To provide feedback, video recordings and psychotechniques such as “sociogram in action”, “family sculpture”, “family choreography” are used (they are something similar to “living pictures”, when family members, choosing poses and locations in space, try to depict their relationships in statics or dynamics).

In many ways, the choice of methods and contact techniques is determined by the level at which the consultation process is carried out. It is customary to distinguish between external and internal levels of consultation.

Working on an external level is quite sufficient to solve shallow-rooted personal and family problems. It is often used at the first meeting (especially in couples counseling). Technologies for creating helping relationships developed in humanistic psychology (K. Rogers, F. Vasilyuk, etc.) are widely used here. The trust this creates creates an openness that helps each family member speak out what's on their mind and express their true feelings. This is the first step towards clarifying the problem, a step towards yourself and towards the other person.

Various techniques developed in behavioral psychology are also used at this level. In particular, the behaviorist modification of “contract therapy”, when spouses agree to reward each other for the behavior that they expect from their partner.

At a deeper level (when working with problems of codependency, redistribution of power, etc.), when it is necessary to influence less conscious processes, methods developed in psychoanalysis, gestalt therapy and psychodrama are used.

Such eclecticism is quite appropriate, but only under certain conditions. First, when choosing means, it is necessary to remember the well-known methodological position, which J. Paul formulated as the question: “What kind of help, by whom, and under what conditions is most effective for this client with these specific problems?” And secondly, do not forget that the main means of psychological counseling is not this or that psychotechnics, but a special form of relationship in the “psychologist-client” system, based on the conscious use of the basic two-pronged mechanism of being and personal development - identification - isolation (B.S. Mukhina ). It is these relationships that create the conditions for experiencing, objectifying, reflecting and reconstructing the client’s image of the world and its individual fragments during consultations and group sessions.

Modern approaches to family counseling

There are many concepts of family counseling: from modifications of the Freudian psychoanalytic model to positive family therapy by N. Pezeshkian. However, recently practitioners have given preference to integrative approaches such as systemic and structural.

The founders of the systems approach (M. Bowen, S. Minukhin, V. Satir, K. Whitaker, etc.) consider the family not just as a union of individuals connected by ties of kinship, but as an integral system where no one suffers alone: ​​family conflicts and crises have a destructive impact on everyone. Since the family is a system, it is not so important which of its elements changes. In practice, changes in the behavior of any family member affect it and other subsystems included in it (other family members) and at the same time are influenced by them.

When helping a family during difficult periods of life, it makes no sense to identify the psychoanalytic causes of the conflict: it is much more important to change the relationships between its members through specific, targeted actions. With a successfully chosen strategy and tactics of work, the family situation improves as the specialist’s recommendations are followed. Changes lead to shifts in the functioning of the family and help reduce the manifestation of symptoms of psychological distress in one or more of its members.

What are the functions of a psychologist when working with families? What will his attention be focused on during the counseling process? What means of influence will be the main ones? These questions will be answered by numerous systematic approaches to psychological assistance to families, depending on their theoretical orientation.

Thus, the author of the theory of family systems, M. Bowen, argues that family members cannot act independently of each other, since such behavior leads to intra-family dysfunction. This brings him closer to systemic therapists. But there are differences: Bowen views all human emotions and behavior as a product of evolution. And not individual, unique, but connected with all forms of life. He developed eight closely related concepts, including the concepts of differentiation of one’s own self, emotional triangles, family projections, etc. In his opinion, the mechanism of intra-family relations is similar to the mechanism of functioning of all other living systems. It is no coincidence that his concept of differentiation of one’s own self is so reminiscent of existing scientific ideas about cell differentiation. Therapists of this school believe that differentiation of one's own self during family psychotherapy sessions leads to calming the client's family, this promotes responsible decision-making and weakening the symptoms of family dysfunction. The role of the consultant in this system of family counseling approaches the position of a coach: he teaches family members to differentiate in family communication, to comprehend their existing ways of interaction in the family and to master more productive ones. In this case, the psychologist is instructed not to approach the family with ready-made recommendations, but to conduct a joint search. It’s hard to disagree with this: a joint search allows family members to learn productive ways to get out of problematic situations, develops in them a sense of subjectivity and self-confidence, which, after the weakening of negative symptoms, leads to sustainable changes in the life of the family.

Bowen widely uses ideas about the family life cycle in his theory and practice of family therapy, and also considers it necessary to take into account the national characteristics of clients.

Another option for working with families that has gained wide popularity in the world is structural family therapy by S. Minukhin.

This approach is based on three axioms.

When providing psychological assistance, the whole family must be taken into account. Each family member should be considered as its subsystem.

Family therapy changes its structure and leads to changes in the behavior of each member of the family system.

Working with the family, the psychologist joins it, resulting in a therapeutic system that makes family change possible.

The family appears as a differentiated whole, the subsystems of which are individual family members or several of its members. Each subsystem (parental, marital, children) has specific functions and imposes certain requirements on its members. Moreover, each subsystem requires a certain degree of freedom and autonomy. For example, in order for spouses to adapt to each other, a certain freedom from the influence of children and non-family environment is needed. Therefore, the problem of boundaries between family subsystems becomes important.

S. Minukhin identifies two types of boundary violations: the first is their confusion, vagueness, and blurriness; the second is excessive closeness, leading to disunity among family members. One of

These types of boundary violations can be found in any dysfunctional family. Thus, a pronounced blurring of the boundaries between mother and child leads to alienation of the father. As a result, two autonomous subsystems begin to function in the family: “mother-child (children)” and “father”. In this case, children’s development of competence in communicating with peers is inhibited, and parents are at risk of divorce. But in families with dividing boundaries, on the contrary, the ability to form a family We is impaired. Family members are so divided that they cannot satisfy the most important of human needs in the family - trust, warmth and support.

A confused family reacts to any changes quickly and intensely; its members seem to infect each other with their mood. But in an indifferent family, alienation prevails, which the child feels as coldness, lovelessness and can characterize his family as follows: “We don’t care about anyone.”

The described classification and approach to psychological assistance are aimed, first of all, at recognizing and overcoming the inadequate closeness of family members, reaching the point of symbiotic interdependence, and helps everyone realize and rebuild the boundaries between themselves and others.

The role of the psychologist in S. Minukhin’s system is understood as follows: he is ordered to join the family, for a time, as it were, to become one of its members. “Therapeutic influence on the family,” he writes, “is a necessary part of family diagnosis. The therapist cannot observe the family and make a diagnosis from the outside” (S. Minukhin, 1978). The “entry” of a psychologist into the family system causes a “mini-crisis” that is important: rigid rigid connections and relationships are weakened, and this gives the family a chance to change the state of its “boundaries”, expand them, and therefore change its structure.

S. Minukhin identifies seven categories of psychologist’s actions to restructure the family: this is the updating of family interaction patterns; establishing or marking boundaries; escalation of stress; assignment of tasks; use of symptoms; stimulation of a certain mood; support, training or guidance.

Another variant of the systemic approach is no less common - strategic family therapy (J. Haley, K. Madanes, P. Vaclavik, L. Hoffman, etc.), where the main work of the therapist is aimed at developing family members’ responsibility for each other.

Sometimes the strategic direction also includes a version of systemic family therapy, developed at the Milan scientific school. However, the focus of the work here is the identification and transformation of those unconscious “rules of the game” that support family dysfunction. “Family games” (first described in transactional analysis by Eric Berne) are based on the erroneous belief among family members that it is possible to exercise unilateral control over interpersonal relationships in the family by manipulating other family members. The work of a psychologist is first aimed at identifying those reactions of family members that lead to “links” that make the family unhealthy (diagnosis), then at helping to understand these links and developing productive ways of interaction.

Another construct used to analyze marital interactions is the idea that family conflicts are based on the unconscious struggle of spouses for power and influence, competition and rivalry with each other (in the Russian version, this can be expressed by the proverb-question: “Who’s in the house?” master?"). The counselor's work in this model of psychotherapy is focused on establishing a balance between spouses, where the gains or losses of one will be offset by the gains or losses of the other.

Psychoanalytic (N. Ackerman, K. Sager, etc.), cognitive-behavioral (R. Dreikurs, A. Ellis, etc.) approaches in family therapy are more traditional compared to the systemic approach.

An analysis of numerous theoretical constructs and the practice of work of family consultants has generated a bright and convenient typology for everyday use, in which all the numerous systems of working with families (depending on the approach chosen by the psychologist to the goals of the work and understanding of one’s own functions) are divided into three groups: “leading”, “ reactors" and "system cleaners".

“Leading” therapists are authoritarian. In an effort to create healthy relationships in the family, they act from the position of a “super-parent” who knows better than the family members what is good or bad for its members and actively acts. This completely relieves clients of independent efforts and relieves them of responsibility. In fairness, we note that for a person or family who has asked for help during a period of deep crisis, such an attitude at the initial stage of the advisory process is not only necessary, but also the only possible one, since people who have just experienced a life catastrophe are often in a state of age-related regression, when the forms of response characteristic of a frightened, helpless child return. In the case of working with such clients (families or individuals), the consultant consciously takes a “parental position” and chooses a pre-parenting strategy, gradually “raising and raising”, helping to believe in one’s strengths, find a foothold in oneself, and learn to interact productively with oneself first. , and then with others. It is this approach that is presented in the earlier description of structural family therapy (S. Minukhin).

“Responsive” family psychotherapists, in order to achieve positive changes in the family, try to mobilize its own internal development potential. They “get involved” in the environment and atmosphere of the family with whom they are working. It is convenient to carry out such therapy together: one of the psychologists allows himself to be drawn into the created family situation (in this case, he most often takes on the role of a child), the second acts as an observer and remains somewhat more distant (as if outside the family system).

If we remember that responsive psychotherapists are theoretically guided primarily by psychoanalysis, then it is not difficult to understand both the origins of such work and its essence. The psychoanalytic approach assumes that in his work the therapist performs both of these functions (identification with the client, and isolation, detachment from him). In the process of interacting with a client, he alternately identifies with him, penetrates deeply into his problems, and then distances himself from the client and his situation in order to make an objective judgment. Here these functions are, as it were, “divided” between two psychologists.

“System cleaners” first of all strive to restore order to the rules by which the family lives. The consultant tries to counteract incorrect behavior and force the person to abandon immature and pathological forms of behavior. This method is typical for strategic family therapy and systemic family therapy of the Milanese scientific school (you can get acquainted with one of the variants of this approach by reading the bright and talented works of Virginia Satir, which have been translated into Russian and published several times in our country).

Counseling spouses on interpersonal problems

As a rule, a family turns to psychological counseling during difficult periods of life, when tension is felt, relationships between its members are disrupted, and conflicts arise.

Analyzing the problems with which spouses often seek advice, researchers (Yu.E. Aleshina, V.Yu. Menovshchikov) consider the most typical:

Various kinds of conflicts and mutual dissatisfaction associated with the distribution of marital roles and responsibilities;

Conflicts, problems, dissatisfaction between spouses due to differences in views on family life and interpersonal relationships;

Sexual problems, dissatisfaction of one spouse with the other in this area and their mutual inability to establish normal sexual relationships;

Difficulties and conflicts in the relationship of a married couple with the parents of one or both spouses;

Illness (mental or physical) of one of the spouses, problems and difficulties caused by the need for the family to adapt to the disease, a negative attitude towards oneself and those around the patient or family members;

Problems of power and influence in marital relationships;

Lack of warmth in the relationship between spouses, lack of intimacy and trust, communication problems.

Despite all the external differences, these problems are similar: difficulties arise in the sphere of relationships with another person. However, these problems are only a marker of trouble in a person’s inner world (these may be distorted ideas about a man and a woman, their responsibilities and desired behavior, a discrepancy between the desired and actual attitude, a negative attitude towards oneself and one’s partner, self-destructive feelings of guilt, resentment, fear, anger, etc.).

Basic counseling strategy for marital dysfunction

We approach counseling on relationship problems through the study of the specifics of a person’s subjective image of the world and the reconstruction of certain fragments of it.

This understanding of the individual’s image of the world is close to the concept of myth in the cultural sense that this term has acquired today (E. Cassirer, S. Kripper, A. Lobok, A. Losev, etc.). We define the image of the world as a person’s individual myth about himself, other people, the world and his destiny in the time of his life and historical time. This is a holistic formation of self-awareness, a picture that exists at the cognitive and figurative-emotional level and regulates life relationships, behavior, and human existence in the world. The central component of the image of the world is the “image of the Self” - a system of ideas and attitudes of a person towards himself (and everything that he considers his) in life and historical time. Other structural links in the image of the world are the image of another person (close and distant; men and women), the image of the world as a whole, which at a deep level manifests itself in a person’s sense of ontological confidence or uncertainty in the world. This myth changes with the spiritual and mental development of the individual and serves as an internal basis for regulating behavior and making life choices.

It is the reconstruction of the individual’s subjective image of the world that becomes the main counseling strategy. This involves providing assistance at all stages of the formation of a new system of relationships between the family and each of its members towards themselves, others, and the world throughout their lives, from the moment they seek psychological help to the formation of positive relationships of family members toward themselves, others, and the world as a whole. The consultant accompanies the family on its difficult journey from disadvantage to prosperity. It helps one or both spouses to realize not only external, but also internal causes of relationship disruption; realize your image of the world or those fragments of it that are associated with disruption of interaction; provides psychological support; promotes self-knowledge and knowledge of another person; develops empathy (the ability to take the place of another person and feel him as oneself) and reflexive abilities (the ability to mentally go beyond the immediate situation of interaction and look at it as if from the outside). As a result of such work, the client gets the opportunity to walk on both sides of the street of interaction, see and understand not only his own experiences, but also the experiences of another person, begins to better understand the motives, feelings, conflicts (his own and the other person). All this makes it possible to reconstruct your image of the world and master new, more productive models of interaction and behavior.

Ways to organize the family counseling process

Family counseling does not necessarily mean working with all family members at the same time. At different stages of the process, different ways of organizing the family counseling process can be combined in different proportions: communication with the whole family, individual counseling of one of its members, work with a married couple, work with a nuclear family, i.e. with the family in the narrow sense of the word (father-mother-children), work with the extended family (it also includes grandparents and those close to them who influence family relationships: aunts, uncles, etc.); working with an ecosystem or social network.

Individual work with one of the members of a married couple. In this case, the classic “consultant-client” relationship develops, but here, too, the context of family relationships is invisibly present (in the client’s memory and images, in his drawings and reenacted situations, etc.). The family continues to exist “in terms of representation, a secondary image and can receive interpretation and evaluation by the patient” (N. Pezeshkian, 1994).

If, during individual counseling, family problems arise or complaints about misunderstanding of household members, then you need to gently and unobtrusively lead the client to the idea that

It makes no sense to set yourself the goal of “changing my wife or children and their relationship with me.” However, it is possible to change yourself, think through your behavior and your role in the family, and then, most likely, close people will treat you differently. For this, it is quite possible to use the technique of therapeutic parables (N. Pezeshki-an and others). For example, casually ask a question about how a psychologist differs from a policeman, and then explain with a smile that if someone complains to a policeman about a neighbor, then he deals with the neighbor, and if they complain to a psychologist, then he deals with himself complainant.

But there are other cases when successful individual counseling by one member of a couple causes resistance from the other. If one person is consulting, and the other does not want any changes in family relationships (as the saying goes: “You’ve never lived well, so you shouldn’t start”), then there is a danger of unbalancing the emotional dynamics of the family system. Family members begin to feel anxious and may try to return the person to previous role stereotypes and self-destructive behavior.

Let's take a practical example as an example.

The wife of one of the clients (let's call him Alexander) constantly reproached him for drunkenness. He came to the psychologist alone because his wife threatened divorce. She refused a joint consultation1 “You drink, not me. “Everything is fine with me and I have nothing to do with a psychologist.”

However, when Alexander’s behavior changed during the consultation and he could do without alcohol, his wife experienced acute anxiety. She began to bring home alcohol herself and provoke him to “drink a little.” She succeeded - the usual family triangle “victim-savior-persecutor” was restored. The wife continued either to complain to friends and relatives about the “horror of her life” and received their sympathy, then she “saved the poor thing,” “raised and punished” him by depriving him of intimacy and human attention.

When a year later, after repeated counseling, the husband seriously stopped drinking, the marriage broke up.

A more optimistic forecast with similar problems is a situation where a married couple is able to come to a psychologist of their own free will. Such a visit itself indicates that they have an intention to preserve their life together, which means there is hope for changes for the better. The task is to find the positive potential of the married couple, which is so necessary to overcome the crisis situation and reconstruct family relationships.

Working with a married couple. In this case, the husband and wife come to the consultation together, their behavior makes clear the usual patterns of interaction with each other. The consultant can directly lead them to the awareness of conflicting, unproductive forms of interaction. Working with a couple can examine a difficult life situation from different perspectives, help spouses gain new perspectives on life's challenges and their role in overcoming them, and then find new, more productive ways to interact and resolve difficult issues. However, everything is not so simple: at the first stage of work, a married couple can cause a lot of anxiety for the consultant and jeopardize the very possibility of counseling.

Difficulties of working with a married couple

Conducting a consultation involving two clients (and those in conflict with each other) is much more difficult than counseling one. Although working with two spouses is more effective, its results are not as deep as is possible with individual counseling: the underlying problems that underlie marital disagreements are less often addressed. In order to set up spouses to work together, organize and direct a constructive dialogue, the consultant requires special skills and abilities.

Constructive dialogue is rightfully considered the most effective method of working with a couple or family as a whole in the initial stages of counseling. Organizing a constructive dialogue includes three stages: preparatory, negotiations and making compromise decisions.

The first - preparatory stage - is especially important; its task is to find common ground and reformulate the goals of the spouses. As a rule, these goals do not coincide among the conflicting parties (especially in a pre-divorce situation): after all, they are “looking in different directions.” A successful reformulation of goals consists of shifting the emphasis from the formal demands of spouses to each other, the flow of complaints and grievances, to purely human contacts. At this stage, the psychologist directs efforts to turn the couple, who often came with unrealistic expectations, into active, responsible participants in the process: he establishes trusting relationships, explains the principles of partnership communication, etc.

Only after this can we move on to the second stage – negotiations. The conflicting parties begin to meet as full partners, and the psychologist leads these meetings, performing the role of a mediator, facilitator, and model of partnership relations. As a result of a gradual exchange of opinions, feelings and wishes, participation in role-playing games and specially simulated interaction situations, spouses move to the third stage - making a compromise decision.

The situation is especially difficult at the initial stages of counseling: the presence of the second member of the couple somehow makes it difficult to establish a therapeutic contact and negatively affects the course of the conversation. Spouses can interrupt each other, enter into negotiations and bicker, trying to argue, explain or prove something to each other. Sometimes a completely paradoxical situation may arise: at some point, conflicting spouses may suddenly unite and... jointly oppose the consultant. The opposite reaction is also possible: the presence of a partner leads to the fact that the husband or wife becomes taciturn, each of them expects the other to start a conversation and say something important.

Before moving on to describing the strategy and tactics of counseling a married couple, we note that there are at least two options for coming to counseling: both spouses together or one of them with complaints about himself or his partner. The most common option is the last one.

When formulating complaints, the subjective locus (i.e. who the client is complaining about) can acquire the following options:

the first one complains about the second one;

the first and second complain about the third;

the first and second jointly want to figure something out;

the first one complains about himself, the second one wants to help him1.

The main task of the consultant at the first stage is to establish contact with the client(s) and understand what exactly brought him or them to the appointment. However, already at the beginning of a conversation with spouses, serious difficulties are possible. Sometimes a husband and wife strive not so much to state the essence of the problem as to demonstrate the guilt and shortcomings of the other, remembering more and more of their partner’s sins, blaming and interrupting each other.

What should a consultant do in this case? In such a situation, you should introduce rules of behavior in consultation, inviting the spouses to speak in turns and comment on the partner’s words only when time is given for this.

The initial stage of working with a couple can be joint, when the consultant and clients try to have a common conversation, or separate. A joint version of the conversation is quite appropriate in the second, third and, possibly, fourth case. At the first meeting, when one client complains about another, it is more advisable to listen to the complaints one by one. One of the spouses remains with the consultant, and the second waits in line outside the office.

At the second stage, the consultant acts as a psychological mediator. He monitors the dialogue and, if necessary, intervenes, directing it.

The psychotechnical techniques used by a psychologist in counseling a married couple are similar to those used in individual counseling, that is, the consultant listens carefully, periodically paraphrases and summarizes what was said. However, paraphrasing is often aimed not at showing the client that the consultant understands and supports him, but at ensuring that the client is understood by his partner.

The consultant directs the repetition of the first person phrase to the second person. For example, when receiving spouses, it may sound like this: “Sveta, did you understand what Sergei just said? He talked about..." (the following is a paraphrase).

Basic requirements for working with a married couple

Counseling for a married couple must comply with the principle of humane treatment of each family member and the family as a whole and faith in its strength; not alteration, but qualified assistance and support for natural development. The peace of the family is of unconditional value. The counselor must accept the family and its positions and make clients feel this.

The consultant should respect the autonomy of the family dyad who has asked for help, its right to freely choose its own path of development (unless, of course, its lifestyle does not threaten the life and health of the child). Remember: counseling is effective only when it contributes to the maintenance, preservation and positive development of the family as a whole.

The consultant provides an individual approach to the family and each of its members, while relying on the development resources that the family actually has. Counseling should be carried out in the logic of positive opportunities for family development, and not artificially impose goals and objectives on spouses from the outside.

When counseling a married couple, a psychologist must adhere to the principle of realism: not try to “remake the family or any of its members,” “ensure well-being in life or employment.” It can only provide support during the period of overcoming “gaps in life”, help overcome the alienation from oneself and the world typical of periods of crisis, create conditions for identifying internal resources that allow one to “become the author and creator of one’s life” and gain greater flexibility in relationships between family members , and in the family’s relationship with the “big world”.

The ability to listen and hear each side helps to establish contact, which means it gives a chance for successful consultation.

When counseling families, it is necessary to more clearly structure the intake process.

Working with the nuclear family, that is, with the family in the narrow sense of the word (father, mother, children). The advantages of this process are that the family comes to the consultation in its entirety and here, during a short therapeutic meeting, will continue in its usual forms the same life that it lives at home, and therefore, no special means will be required for a family diagnosis.

Working with the nuclear family is especially appropriate when there is a symptom of psychological distress in the child in the family. From the point of view of systemic family psychotherapy, disturbances in the child’s behavior are perceived as the key to “family-wide pain”, as a kind of message about crisis processes that affect the whole family. “As obvious as childhood dysfunction is, the general family dysfunction behind it is camouflaged, hidden in the deep recesses of family life. And naturally, this always annoying childhood illness, which causes so much inconvenience to adults, would not be so persistent if in some sense it were not necessary, “useful” for the family as a whole, would not work for it, i.e. would not have a certain “conditional desirability”, keeping the family from disintegrating and at the same time allowing the status quo of defective relationships to be maintained” (T.V. Snegireva, 1991).

Working with the extended family, which includes not only the mother, father and children, but also other close people (grandparents, uncles, aunts and other family members who influence her life and system of relationships).

Working with the ecosystem. During the consultation process, external contacts and social institutions are taken into account and included as intermediate variables.

The counselor working with the family must be extremely careful. First of all, he needs to take into account that general family dysfunction, as a rule, is camouflaged and hidden in the deep recesses of family life: spouses often speak, think, reason and even believe on one level, and interact, feel, experience on another, which forms both

the hidden infrastructure of their lives. Every step the psychologist takes in this terra incognita may encounter resistance from family members. For a specialist counseling a family, the question always remains open: how far can one go when interacting with family reality, compressing in a short number of meetings the psychological experience that life itself usually takes months and years to acquire.

For example, during periods of crisis in life, alcoholism of the head of the family is often observed. However, in this case, it does not make sense to work only with the head of the family: alcoholism is often only a symptom, an indicator of family trouble, the presence of dysfunctional intrafamily relationships. The fact is that alcohol is a drug that causes a feeling of warmth, security and comfort. In a family where wives are either overly authoritarian or coldly reserved, alcohol “replaces” many functions traditionally attributed to the family (security, trust, warmth, intimacy). In addition, alcohol often becomes a “home way” for a man to somehow relax and escape from life’s problems. Therefore, it is necessary to consider alcoholism as an indicator of a lack of emotional support and work not only with the drinking spouse himself, but also with existing family relationships, rules and beliefs, and the content of the behavior of family members in relation to each other.

Whatever interaction option the psychologist chooses to advise a family seeking help, it is important that he relies on the positive resources of its members and strives to support and develop the best feelings and abilities of parents and children. Only this approach can prevent serious conflicts and violations.

Counseling on relationship difficulties with children

No less often than with a request for help in restoring family relationships, spouses turn to counseling with complaints about the difficulties of relationships with children of various ages - from preschoolers to students and older. Moreover, these are children who do not have any deviations, but have the biggest problem - relationships with their own parents, misunderstandings that reach the point of alienation.

The most typical complaints are about constant conflicts with the child, disobedience and stubbornness of children (especially during periods of crisis); inattention; disorganized behavior; deceit (which is mistaken for both “pseudo lies,” i.e., childish fantasy, and white lies, for fear of being punished, stubbornness, unsociability, disrespect for parents, insubordination, rudeness... The list of these “sins” can be continued to infinity.

What should a consulting psychologist do at the stage of working with a complaint and request?

First of all, fill the complaint-request with specific content (which specific behavioral situations became the basis for the appeal).

Ensure a “stereoscopic” view of the situation (both the parents’ view of it, the child’s view, and psychodiagnostic materials).

In any case, the psychologist should be on the child’s side. His job is not to confirm the presence of a “negative” quality in the child (which in some cases is just what the parent is waiting for), but to put forward, together with the parent, a hypothesis about the history of his development, his capabilities and ways to overcome conflictual relationships with parents).

The reasons for the violation of parent-child relationships are, first of all, the inability to understand the child, the mistakes already made in upbringing (not out of malice, but due to the limited and traditional ideas about upbringing) and, of course, the everyday and personal instability of the parents themselves, which is so typical for recent years.

In general, in psychological counseling regarding the complexity of relationships with children, it is advisable to distinguish three organically related areas.

1. Increasing the socio-psychological competence of parents, teaching them communication skills and conflict resolution.

2. Psychological assistance to adult family members, which includes both diagnosis of the intrafamily situation and work to change it.

3. Psychotherapeutic work directly with the child.

The main object of influence becomes the sphere of consciousness of parents, the system of established stereotypes, forms of interaction in the family (A.S. Spivakovskaya). That is why for many parents the combination of the first and second areas of work is extremely important. First of all, work to overcome pedagogical and educational stereotypes.

One of them is the stereotype of violent influence on a child, which, as if in mockery, parents call education.

For many Russian fathers and mothers, the very idea that feeding a child by force, pushing a spoon of porridge through tightly clenched teeth, may seem ridiculous, is cruel violence against a child. This gesture of care leaves a hole in the symbolic boundaries of the child’s physicality, violates its integrity and... forms a future victim who is already ready to accept the penetration of another person into her personal space.

At the same time, effective communication with a child rests on three pillars: unconditional acceptance; acknowledging what the child is feeling; giving him a choice. This is the most important discovery of humanistic and psychoanalytic psychology (K. Rogers, H. Jainott, A. Faber, etc.). Educational work with parents should be aimed, on the one hand, at overcoming unproductive stereotypes and accepting the ideas of raising a person with self-esteem, and on the other, at mastering ways of interacting with children that are adequate to these ideas.

The first step that an adult can (and should) take towards a child is to “accept him and join him,” to assume (nothing more!) that the child is right in his attitude towards the people around him, no matter what it is. installation, nor was it.

The second is to create the experience of a truly human relationship with a child. After all, the driving force of a child’s development is his affective relationship with those people who care about him; the condition for the meaningfulness of his personal existence is the life experience shared with other people. At the heart of personality development disorders, aggressiveness, cruelty, which are equally characteristic of children and adults, lie not only conflicts, but also a lack of emotional warmth at an early age. It is necessary to deeply understand the child’s inner world and create the experience of “corrective care”, to replenish the warmth that was not given to the child, to warm his soul.

Research carried out in line with psychoanalytic pedagogy (K. Buettner, E. Gil, M. Leder, etc.) has established: the lack of emotional warmth, insults, and cruelty that a child has suffered have a fateful impact on his entire future life. Children who have experienced abuse grow up suspicious and vulnerable. They have a distorted attitude towards themselves and others, they are incapable of trust, too often at odds with their own feelings, prone to cruel relationships with others, as if taking revenge on them again and again for their experience of humiliation.

Another important point in counseling on the problem of parent-child relationships: when analyzing each conflict situation, help the parent walk on both sides of the street of educational interaction, look at what happened through the eyes of both an adult and a child. When doing so, it is important to ask yourself questions: What in my child’s developmental history could lead to aggressive behavior? Could the current situation have provoked an outburst of anger? What is the “adult’s contribution” to the conflict? This is the only way we will learn to understand at least some of what we want to influence. If we look into the “mental underground” of children and parents, we will see a “hell” of mutual insults and mental trauma, love and hatred, which “equally mark the path of a person’s life.”

Research into the nature of aggressive behavior (K. Byutner, V. A. Goryanina, E. V. Olshanskaya, etc.). showed: the basis of any conflict, an unmotivated, at first glance, explosion of a child’s aggression, is fear. All the numerous fears (of death, of society and its individual representatives, of the opposite sex, of one’s own forbidden, from a moral point of view, feelings) are characteristic of both the child and the adult raising him. They arise on the basis of a negative experience: the memory of it is updated into the fear of being injured or offended. The fear of being attacked in a situation somewhat reminiscent of past experience is transformed into anger, rage, an archaic feeling of malice.

The first step towards truly humane education is for adults to understand the child’s subjective image of the world, his feelings and emotions, including those that in our culture are accustomed to being considered negative; the second is in the desire to overcome fear, to create relationships free from fear, a “corrective experience of care.” To do this, it is necessary to abandon the manipulation of behavior and repressive measures (marks, comments, punishment, etc.) and turn to the sphere of the child’s feelings and experiences, learn to understand the child and interact with him.

The idea of ​​a corrective experience of care is easier to proclaim than to implement. There are many obstacles in her path. And the first of them is parents raised in fear and lack of freedom. That is why in counseling parents it is advisable to include methods that provide living knowledge and liberate their own emotional and reflexive sphere, allowing them to accept themselves and feel confident in interacting with children.

In the process of counseling parents, two work tactics are possible:

the first is strengthening the cognitive aspect. Here, the most important issues of the upbringing and psychological development of children, marital relationships, etc. are mainly revealed;

the second is working primarily with the emotional, sensual side of relationships, searching for the true, unconscious causes of disturbances in relationships. Particular attention is paid to the relationship between the consultant and clients, and the main means is often role modeling of problem situations and finding ways to overcome them. A group form of work is often used, where the conditions of internal and external

The situation of social influence itself becomes changes. This is expressed as follows:

group members are influenced by the leader and other participants in the group process;

participants identify with each other and the group leader;

each participant appropriates the group experience through working with their own and others’ emotional problems.

In classes, a special place is given to the analysis of family relationships, techniques and methods of education in ancestral families. An integral part of the classes are homework for parents, familiarization with various games and the disclosure of the psychological aspects of a particular game.

The choice of work tactics is determined by the duration of consultation, education, age of clients, the type of family they represent (one-parent or single-parent), and the parents’ readiness for the upcoming internal work. However, in the process of long-term counseling, similar to psychological support, the work, as a rule, acquires an integrative character: the consultant’s attention is focused on both sides, although to varying degrees at different stages of the work.

These tactics can be used in social service settings.

Questions and tasks

1. Describe the main approaches to family counseling.

2. Expand the main stages of the counseling process.

3. Describe the methods and techniques used in family counseling.

4. Describe the main approaches to family counseling.

5. Name the main types of practice of family consultants.

6. What are the basic requirements for working with a married couple?

7. Name the features of counseling regarding the difficulties of relationships with children.

Abstract topics

1. Individual psychological counseling.

2. Family counseling.

3. Couple counseling.

4. Family consultant: personality and activity.

Aleshina Yu. E. Individual and family psychological counseling. – M., 1994.

Bayard R., Bayard J. Your Anxious Teen: A Practical Guide for Desperate Parents. – M., 1991.

Burmenskaya G.V., Karabanova O.A., Lidere A.G. Age-related psychological counseling: Problems of mental development of children. – M., 1990.

Winnicott D. Conversation with parents. – M., 1994.

Whitaker K., Bamberry V. Dancing with the Family. – M., 1997.

Gippenreiter Yu.B. Communicate with your child... How? – M., 1997.

Jainott H.J. Parents and children. – M., 1992.

Loseva V.K., Lunkov A.I. Let's consider the problem. – M., 1995.

Nelson-Jones R. Theory and practice of counseling. – St. Petersburg, 2000.

Oaklander V. Windows into the child’s world: A guide to child psychotherapy. - M., 1997.

Satir V. How to build yourself and your family. – M., 1992.

Fundamentals of family psychology and family counseling: a textbook Posysoev Nikolay Nikolaevich

1. Psychological content of the concept of “family”

There are quite a lot of definitions of family in the scientific literature, and many definitions have entered the public consciousness so long ago that it is difficult to establish the authorship of these definitions.

The family is defined as a social institution, as a unit of society, as a small group of relatives living together and leading a common household. However, the psychological approach to understanding the family (unlike, for example, sociological and economic approaches) has its own specifics. Within this approach family is considered as a space of joint life activity, within which the specific needs of people connected by blood and family ties are satisfied. This space is a rather complex structure, consisting of various kinds of elements (roles, positions, coalitions, etc.) and a system of relationships between its members. So the structure exists in accordance with the laws of a living organism, therefore it has natural dynamics, passing through a number of phases and stages in its development.

From the point of view of a famous family psychologist G. Navaitis, the definition of the psychological essence of the family must be correlated with the goals of family research and the goals of the psychologist’s interaction with the family. G. Navaitis discusses the concept of family, which is advisable to explore when consulting a family with a psychologist. He proposes to introduce the concept of a family as a small group that receives professional psychological help from specialists. Contents of the concept« family "is revealed through a number of provisions.

A family is a group that satisfies the needs of its members. These needs are most successfully satisfied in the unique interactions of specific people. The main feature of family interaction is to combine the satisfaction of various needs.

? To satisfy family-related needs, a structure of family roles is created.

? Family structure and family functions are developing naturally.

? Family psychological counseling helps to coordinate and satisfy family-related needs, optimize family structure and promote family development.

? The need for family counseling increases as the family transitions from one stage of development to another.

? The periodization of family development can be determined by the totality of relationships associated with the family and their significance.

? At each stage of family development, there are specific tasks, without solving which it is impossible to move to a new stage.

Famous domestic psychologist V. Druzhinin offers a simple system of unique coordinates, relative to which the psychologist self-determinates in choosing a family as an object of psychological research. He says that research approaches to the family can be placed on two conventional scales:

? « normal - abnormal family»;

? « ideal - real family».

Considering the first scale, Druzhinin defines the concept of “normal family” as a family that provides the required minimum of well-being, social protection and advancement to its members and creates the necessary conditions for the socialization of children until they reach psychological and physical maturity. This is a family where the father is responsible for the family as a whole. Druzhinin considers all other types of families where this rule is not followed to be anomalous.

Within the second scale, the concept “ perfect family"is defined as a normative model of the family, which is accepted by society and reflected in collective ideas and culture, mainly religious. This, in particular, means that the psychological structure of a normative Orthodox family (the structure includes features of the distribution of power, responsibility and emotional closeness between father, mother and children) differs significantly from the structure of Catholic, Protestant and Muslim families. Types of ideal families are studied mainly by cultural scientists. Under real family a specific family is understood as a real group and object of research. Druzhinin emphasizes that when mentioning the family as a subject of research, it is necessary to clearly understand what type of family we are talking about. Thus, psychologists study real families from the point of view of their deviations from the norm.

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1. Definition of the concept “problem family” The essence of the psychological content of the concept “problem family” traditionally has both a broad and narrow interpretation in the specialized literature. In the narrow sense of this concept, a “problem family” refers to those families that

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Questions for the exam Basics of family psychology and family counseling

10th semester

4. General principles for overcoming violations of basic family functions

5. Group of biological functions of the family; reproductive (childbearing) function

6. Group of psychological functions of the family; psychotherapeutic function, sexual-erotic function

7. Group of microsocial functions of the family; communicative function, educational function and abnormal parenting styles, primary social control

8. Group of macrosocial functions of the family; educational and economic functions

9. Family subsystems and roles, child-parent and child-child relationships

10. Stages and crises of family development before the child enters school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

11. Compatibility of spouses and their readiness for parenthood: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

12. Stages and crises of development of a family with a child in primary school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

13. Stages and crises of development of a family with a child in middle school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

14. Stages and crises of development of a family with a child in high school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

15. Stages and crises of family development after the separation of an adult child: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

16. Dysfunctional families and their typology

17. Family with a sick child: types, stages and crises, assistance

18. Family with a drug addiction disease of one of the spouses (father): types, stages and crises, assistance

19. Family with neurotic disorders and mental infantilism of the child: types, stages and crises, assistance

20. Family with emotional rejection of the child, intra-family violence and early forms of deviant behavior of the child: types, stages and crises, assistance

21. Family with a pedagogically neglected child: types, stages and crises, assistance

22. Methods for studying family and family relationships

23. Legal regulation of family relations.

24. Divorce and remarriage - characteristics and methods of assistance

25. Single-parent family: types, stages of development and crises, assistance

26. Preparing young people for family life

27. Psychological education and training of parental competence as basic technologies for working with parents

28. Psychological counseling and family psychotherapy: classification and characteristics of the main directions

29. Stages of family counseling; general and private consultation algorithms

30. Initial stage of family counseling: principles of conduct and characteristics of technologies

31. The second stage of family counseling: principles of conduct and characteristics of technologies

32. The third stage of family counseling: principles of conduct and characteristics of technologies

33. The fourth stage of family counseling: principles of conduct and characteristics of technologies

34. Fifth stage of family counseling: principles of conduct and characteristics of technologies

35. Ethical principles and psychological positions of a family consultant

36. Psychotherapeutic (protective) function of parents and its improvement

37. The role of family education as early prevention of deviant behavior and drug addiction diseases in children

38. Techniques for psychological “joining” with the family

39. Methods of asking about family history; types of questions

40. Reformulation (reframing): characteristics of the method

41. Ways to enhance the cognitive (research) activity of the family

42. Study of the family’s therapeutic request and its development using special questions and the construction of hypotheses.

43. Variants of techniques for psychotherapeutic “homework” for the family.

44. Cognitive-behavioral techniques for studying and improving basic family functions

45. Special algorithms for overcoming family anxiety

46. ​​Special algorithms for family members to overcome mutual rejection in the family

47. Algorithms for forming family cohesion and maintaining psychological comfort

48. Algorithms for correcting abnormal parenting styles

49. Techniques for changing roles and role-playing situations in family counseling

50. Study of family archives and family genogram

51. Working with irrational expectations, attitudes and behavior scenarios in the family

52. Family psychodrama: brief description and use in counseling

53. Structural moves in family counseling

54. Playful metaphorical interview, interview with toys in family counseling

55. Non-directive and directive family counseling.

56. Features of individual and general family counseling

57. Group marital and family psychotherapy

58. Parallel correctional, developmental and communication groups for children in family counseling

59. Psychological diagnostics of the family: PARI tests, DIA, Varga-Stolin questionnaire

60. Psychological diagnostics of the family: Rene Gilles tests, projective drawings of the family

61. Projective family diagnostics: color test of relationships, joint Leary test

62. Using the results of family psychodiagnostics in psychological counseling

family counseling parent education

1. The essence of marriage and family, life cycle and age-related crises of family development

Family as the most important social institution: The existence of the family, like all social institutions, is determined by social needs. Like all social institutions, the family is a system of actions and relationships necessary for the existence and development of society. “A family is a small social group whose members are united by marriage or consanguinity, a common life, mutual assistance, and mutual and moral responsibility.”

Through the family, the unity of the social and natural in man, social and biological heredity is most fully expressed. In its essence, the family is the primary link between nature and society, the material and spiritual aspects of people’s lives.

Family life cycle: The life cycle of a family - a sequence of significant, milestone events in the existence of a family - begins with marriage and ends with its dissolution, that is, divorce. Non-divorced spouses who go through all stages of the life cycle have served as an ideal type for scientists to identify the stages of the family life cycle. It is much more difficult to construct a life cycle diagram for spouses who have divorced several times and created second families.

In short, the life cycle of a family is as follows. Marriage serves as the first, or initial stage of the family. After some time, the young couple has their first child. This phase lasts from the moment of marriage until the birth of the last child and is called the family growth stage.

The second stage begins from the moment the last child is born and continues until the time when the first adult child leaves the parental family and starts his own family.

At the third stage, the process of resettlement of adult children continues. It can be very long if children are born at long intervals, and very short if the children following one another by birth year take turns leaving the family. This is called the “mature” phase. At this time, the first children to settle have their own children, and the parental family often turns into a place where grandchildren are raised.

The fourth stage is the stage of loneliness in old age, or the “fading” stage. It ends with the death of one or both spouses.

The final stage of the life cycle, as it were, repeats the first - the married couple is left alone with themselves. The only difference is age - at the beginning they were a young couple, but now they are old.

2. Historical family models, culture of family relationships, psychological climate and mechanisms of harmonious family education

The family is the primary unit of the social community of people, based on marriage or consanguinity, one of the most ancient social institutions, which arose much earlier than classes, nations, and states.

The family is a complex social group. yav-e, in the cat. diverse forms of social are intertwined. relations and processes. It is difficult to compare with it any other social formation in which so many diverse human and social needs would be satisfied. The family is a social group that leaves its mark on a person’s entire life.

In the first stages of the development of the human community, the family, in our understanding, did not exist; there were chaotic connections. The first social sanction in intimate relationships between a man and a woman was the exclusion of parents and their children from sexual intercourse. This is the historical boundary with which the premarital state of primitive society turns into socially regulated relations.

The first historical form of the family can be considered the maternal family as part of the clan in the era of matriarchy; sometimes called totemic family. This was a relatively large group of immediate female relatives in the first four or five generations. In this type of family there is a group marriage; the father of the children cannot always be identified, and therefore descent was determined along the maternal line.

House community as a form of family, it existed among all Indo-European peoples and has survived to this day. It is characterized by the cohabitation of several generations in one large house. Depending on which line of origin is determined, maternal and paternal household communities were distinguished. If the head of the clan is a woman, then only female relatives live in the joint house, and the husbands of women members of the community live in the families of their mothers and visit their wives on certain occasions. Polyandry (that is, polyandry) was common in these communities. It is clear that the paternal household community included paternal relatives. There was also a bilateral household community, in which descent was determined by both the paternal and maternal lines.

Monogamous patriarchal family is a family in which the head of the family and owner of the property is the father. The immediate reason for the transition to this type of family is considered to be the emergence of private property and the related issue of inheritance.

The individual (nuclear, monogamous) family is the most common form of family in the modern world. It is distinguished by the fact that it is not only public, but also legally recognized, formed as a result of a legal act - a civil or church marriage, or both. It should be noted that the number of family members has a constant tendency to decrease. A typical modern family is a husband, wife, one or two children. Along with the decrease in the number of family members, the nature of the relationships between its members also changes. Greater economic independence of spouses leads to equality and greater independence for each of them. The weakening of emotional ties is accompanied by an increase in the number of divorces; children are deprived of full-fledged parental education, which, of course, leads to the emergence of new problems in society. In addition, there is an increase in extramarital unions, where the family appears as a separate unit of society, but at the same time is not a legal institution. Family transformation also affects the relationship between Parents and children. First of all, this is manifested in the fact that the decision of parents has less and less weight in the marriage of their children; children cease to be bearers of family traditions. Social conditions allow them to establish themselves in society without relying on family traditions.

The modern family is increasingly being transformed into a social community based on a marriage bond built on love and mutual respect. Russia is characterized by a high mortality rate among the male population.

The importance of the family in the life of society and the individual has been underestimated in Russian science for a long time. Ideas about the withering away of the institution of family in a socialist society, inherent in the 20s, supported by official ideology and propaganda, turned out to be very tenacious. They were based on a negative attitude towards the old family, which gradually spread to this institution in general and took root in the public consciousness. At the same time, ideologically oriented propaganda viewed the family as something purely “personal”, opposed to the interests of society. The term "housewife" has had a derogatory connotation to this day. In demographic terms, the overemployment of women contributed to the family's desire to limit childbearing; this became an important factor in reducing the birth rate.

Focus on " mini-child family" contributed to changes in the way of life of people, the formation of a new social status of women.

The 1994 microcensus also revealed the existence of such a specific category of marriage and family relations as separation of spouses. Although their share is relatively small: the wife lives separately from the husband for 3.2 married men, the husband lives separately for 4.6 married women. These facts reflect the specifics of the modern development of family and marriage relations.

The changes occurring with the family in Russia throughout the 20th century are not accidental. Today in Russia the family is what it is. Therefore, nostalgia for the traditional family makes no sense: the family can no longer become different, a return to the past is impossible, no matter how much we might want it. For the family of the past in modern society there is neither a social nor an economic basis. The crisis, if it exists, concerns rather the traditional family, which is gradually giving way to the modern family.

N. Kozlov identified the following modern family forms:

1. Traditional. Civil or ecclesiastical marriage. This form most protects the rights of children, but contains the maximum number of prohibitions for spouses.

2. Unregistered marriage. An unregistered marriage differs from ordinary friendship in that it involves living together and running a household, and according to current legislation, it entails the same responsibility as a registered marriage. They are of the opinion: “People get married when they don’t trust each other.” Representatives of the general opinion, no longer young people, condemn the unregistered marriage of young people and allow people of their own age.

3. Time-strapped family. Marriage is concluded for a period of time, say three years. After this period, the marriage is considered automatically dissolved, after which the former spouses, having weighed the results, decide either to separate, or to be together again for a term or indefinitely. Proponents of this form assume that people change.

4. A broken marriage. The spouses live together, but consider it acceptable to separate for a certain period of time. The reasons may be different: tired of each other or need to write a dissertation. Here, travel is not a tragedy, but the norm. It is more difficult to accept travel associated with love interests.

5. Dating family. They are registered, but live separately, each in his own place. They meet several times a week, she cooks for him, sleeps with him, then each goes home again. When children appear, their mother usually raises them. The father works with the children when there is time and desire.

6. Muslim family. A traditional family in all respects, only the husband has the right to have several wives.

7. Swedish family. In all respects, an ordinary family, only several men and several women live in it. There is no need to think that only sex connects them. More often it is a small commune, connected by friendship and household amenities.

8. Open family. These are families in which spouses, to one degree or another, openly or not, allow hobbies and connections outside the family. relationship culturein the family, psychological climate and mechanisms of harmonious family education

In the development of society there was a stage of tribalism. The tribal family was characterized by polygamy. Such a marriage was necessary for procreation. Wife's smile- forcibly taken as a wife (stole). Ransom- the bride is “bought” as a wife. In a tribal family, the feeling of love did not participate in the formation of the family. Mixing- the spouses were brought together and “appointed.”

Patriarchal family (6th-7th century) - monogamous family (man and woman), early marriage of children, provided that the children live with their parents and they have the same craft. Several families are a micro-community. The head of the family is a man. The wife is the keeper of the hearth. A man's job is to work, a woman's job is to give birth. An attempt to maintain the dependence of a young family on an older one existed until the 20th century. People did not marry for love, but rather the family chose who to marry and whom to marry.

Large or expanded. Signs:

s Living under one roof for 3-4 generations;

s Maintaining general housekeeping and household management;

s Employment of each generation in different areas of production;

s The level of acquisition of each next generation was higher than the previous one;

s Freedom to choose a place of work for each family member of the younger generation

Small nuclear family. Signs:

s Complete independence of spouses from others in choosing a job, the amount of earnings, and obtaining an education;

s Absence of any joint production by spouses, except in cases of work in the same institution;

s the family’s lack of need for children as a means of providing for old age;

s formation of a married couple for love;

s loss of attitudes towards preserving virginity;

s controlled birth control (contraception).

Reduced population reproduction - the number of deaths per year is greater than the number of births.

Simple population reproduction - number of births = deaths.

Expanded population reproduction - the number of births slightly exceeds the number of deaths.

3. The concept of basic family functions - their general characteristics

The characteristics of a person - a family member and everyone else - arise specifically under the condition of forming a family and living in it.

4 gr. Fth: 1. biol-e 2. Y-e 3. microsocial 4. macrosocial

4. Biol-eY-e- these are ind-e (typological, temperament) and Y-e processes, but specifically develop in the conditions of the group - family: # biologist - childbearing m. outside the family, but in the family she is the main one; Y-th f-I - Y-th protection from stress exists outside the family, but in the family Y-th family protections arise and they become basic. Third group- Microsocial - specific to the family as a microsocial group. Macrosocial - concerning economic and consumer

5. General principles for overcoming violations of basic family functions

1. identify currently existing and successfully implemented families;

Consistently, but not every next lesson, 1-2 of them are supported with the corresponding D/z.

The total duration of the conferences is 6-7 lessons.

2. the search for compensation in the family - family rituals, the emergence of new activities (N., in families of the unemployed, the art of cooking automatically begins, an interest in reading, films arises, simple hobbies that do not require simple expenses arise - fishing, picking mushrooms, family interests shift to gardening and vegetable gardens)

3. within 1-1.5-2 months it is necessary to establish compensation mechanisms in the family and actively encourage their development.

4. if violations of the basic functions of the family already cause psychosomatic disorders (neuroses, distances), treatment is necessary (neurologist, psychotherapist).

6. Group of biological functions of the family; reproductive (childbearing) function

Presenter - reproductive, serves for the continuation of man as a biological species. This is the case for 95-96% of families and 5-6% remain childless. In addition to primary infertile entities, there are secondary infertile ones (no children after the first child). The most severe A form of secondary infertility is infertility after an abortion, 4% of them, i.e. 10%. The main imperative of childbearing in Rus' was survival, which is why Russian families from the very beginning (1400 years ago) had many children. A culture developed: wives were valued and they gave birth every year and every year; \the more children, the more respected the family; \polygamy was practiced (in case of infertility of the husband); \stealing a woman as a wife (smart); \low status of the barren wife (humiliation was stopped by Christianity). The cult of love for children was maintained. The mortality rate for children was 40% up to 20-22 years of age. Childbearing age 30 years: from 14 to 45-49 years.

Infertility is curable more often in women; only 1/3 of primary female infertility is not curable. Male infertility is practically incurable. Single-childhood arose in the 30-60s of the 20th century in connection with the great migration from villages to cities, the destruction of Christian patriarchy, women, etc. working at a company \losing a husband in WWII \indulgence from the state \banning rotations.

Y-th family crises from large families to small children: 1) discrepant expectations of M and F about the number of children 2) primary infertility 3) divorce from long-term infertility 4) abortion 5) Family with only one child (anxiety)

Basic technologies for consultation in cases of reproductive dysfunction: If there are differences in attitudes towards childbearing, we will adopt methods of discussion, comparing lists of expenses, expectations, desires, with a gradual convergence of the opinions of both. If one of the spouses refuses to have a child due to social and psychological infantilism, then in the current. For 2-3 years, a program is carried out to transform this family member into a “I am an adult”; in case of birth uncertainty: an obstacle to the birth of 2-3 children, family psychotherapy is carried out with programs to increase the competence of the spouses as a family. When experiencing neuroses and depression due to childlessness. M and F turn to a cat psychologist. works in women's consultations, family centers - strengthening psychologist's defenses against anxiety while continuing treatment: a) to unite the couple on the basis of other functions of the family b) to find a new meaning. not related to children c) guardianship, adoption.

Mutual adaptation of temperament in the family and constance with typological differences between births and children. The family unites individuals with different temperaments, pace of activity, and ability to work. Adaptation problems arise. There are complaints about the slowness of one and the haste of another. The Y-th pace is constitutional for the nervous system, you can only adapt to it. V№ adaptation occurs in the premarital period and the average Y-th rate. DisagreementY-x tempos in pairs- usually an expression of other problems in the family. If a true discrepancy is noted at Y rates, then psychotherapeutic procedures for mutual acceptance of others are carried out, then the natural advantages of each temperament are studied, developed - psychotherapist D\z on the implementation of these advantages. Discordance between birth and children rates The birth is perceived as a bad result of education and they begin to “correct” the child. This leads to heavy intrapersonal conflicts, kid, cat. the feeling that he does not correspond to the number of his family, that he is bad. Responses and protests arise.

Advantages of different types of temperature: 1. Slow (phlegmatic) - \\ tendency to think; \disassembly of other people's conferences; \high will; \lower level of anxiety; \leader in thorough decisions. 2.High temp (cholera) - \enterprise; \quick response to the changing social situation; \high efficiency; \leader in quick solutions; The consultant should provide the child with the ability to recognize the child’s temperature preferences and select activities for him. are adequate to his temperament and quality.

More rare crises of temperature mismatch: \rhythms of SEX act; \rhythms of sleep and wakefulness; \appetite; \work; They were overcome with behavioral training.

7. Group of psychological functions of the family; psychotherapeutic function, sexual-erotic function

Y-hoterapy family:- overcoming stress in the family, difficult w. situations, both personally and helping others. Consists of individual Y-protections (children, others, adults), family rituals, hobbies, rendering Y-hoterapeutic air. When this function is violated, complaints arise that Ch-k does not feel calm in the family, no one can be trusted. This function ensures the ongoing maintenance of assessment. It is necessary that out of the total number of appeals to others (interactions), the proportion of positive appeals would be significantly higher than critical appeals. This feature has spousal support.

SEX-erotic f-ya: goal: to create stable emotional connections between spouses while simultaneously satisfying physiological sex needs. The h-ku, unlike animals, reproduces all year round. Sexual desire is continuous: from maturation to extinction in old age.

Stages according to Freud of the psychosexual stage: 1) oral (0-1) - erogenous zone mouth 2) anal (1-3) - anus 3) phallic (3-6-7) - phallus. The first erections appeared, Oedipus crisis 5-6 years, 4) Latent phase (7-8 - 11-12) - consolidation of gender-role behavior stereotypes (according to Isaev-Kogan) 5) Romantic libido (11-12 - 13-14) - menstruation, spermatogenesis. Falling in love with a real representative of the other sex. Girls aged 12 start falling in love with their father for the second time. Children learn to perceive aesthetically the object of love. All same-sex companies are disbanding. M and F begin to be friends, having played out the rituals of courtship, they begin to take care of their appearance, they write poems and love notes. Girls have developed an interest in romance novels. There are pathologies: falling in love with an artist, which ends at 13-14 years old, and virginity. Fell in love with real.M. 6) Erotic phase (14-16) - physiological attraction and readiness for sexual intercourse, dating, first love were added to all experiences. 7) The SEX stage (from the age of 18) involves the need to have sexual relations. There are only a few experts in SEX relationships. Last until you meet your future marriage partner.

Spouses in the premarital period go through a joint sexual experience, modeling all previous stages of psychosexual development, except for early childhood, starting with the Oedipal crisis. Sexually, spouses should normally be at the same stage of libido development. If someone lags behind in the premarital and adaptation period of marriage, then the one who is ahead stimulates the other and physiologically, and for this there is a period of “youthful hypersexuality” (18-19 - 27).

Problems of sexual-erotic function: 1) differences in the levels of sexual needs 2) Insufficient sexual reactivity 3) violation of the range of acceptability 4) insufficient brightness of the experience of orgasm (anorgasmia, frigidity).

In consultation, this can be overcome with the help of exercises to increase emotional unity in a couple, with the help of sex therapy, to simulate the premarital period in a couple (at the same time, we can determine where, who, when problems arose, what needs to be done before -t).

8. Group of microsocial functions of the family; communicative function, educational function and abnormal parenting styles, primary social control

Communicative function families. The following components of this function can be named: family mediation in the contact of its members with the media (television, radio, periodicals), with literature and art; the influence of the family on the diverse connections of its members with the natural environment and on the nature of its perception; organization of intra-family association.

Function of primary social control- ensuring the fulfillment of social norms by family members, especially those who, due to various circumstances, are unable to build their lives in accordance with social standards. norms. The sphere of primary social control is the moral regulation of all family members in various spheres of life, as well as the regulation of responsibilities and obligations in relationships between spouses, clans and children, representatives of the elder and middle age generations; social-status - providing a certain social. status of a family member, reproduction of the social structure. Each person born in the family receives as a legacy some statuses that are close to the statuses of his family members: nationality, place in urban/rural culture, etc.

Raising a family: to pass on to the next generation the culture of that society in the cat. family and common culture live. The birth is coming to fruition. According to the wishes of the family member, other members. families. It's going to happen right away. Issue perinatal Y and perinotal education. Basic fur- these are joint games, joint activities of children with their surroundings: fur imitation; \mech identification; \mechanical training, the child is trained in a way that is purposeful to\l the cause; \cohabitation of children and adults is dramatic, crisis situation, in cat. he must solve the problem of meaning for himself (according to Leontiev). Every cart has a child the predominance of the definition of fur in education: early children up to 3 years old - imitation and joint play; from 3 to 7 years - identification and learning; from 7 to 11 years - learning and joint activities; from 12-13 onwards, all the mechanics are brought up, but joint activities predominate.

To raise a child, a full family is normally required. Reb-k d.go through the re-enactment in the d/s.

Abnormal styles of reproduction in families: a) authoritarian-dominant b) hyperprotection with hyperprotection (satisfying all the child’s needs, “family idol”) c) hypoprotection (“Cinderella” -> inferiority complex) d) emotional rejection of the child ka -> depression, protest, deviance e) increased social response (hypersocialized memory -> be the first, failure) f) the predominance of sanctions over encouragement (-> persistent lowering of s/evaluation, protest, rejection -e parent) g) preference in the child for female quality -> infantilism in the child h) preference for adult quality in the child -> feeling of the child’s response to the family, emotions we reject the projections of the family onto the child of their frustrated needs, or vice versa, successful activities -> the family does not study the child’s really inherent abilities and obstacles t his self-realization.

1. Communication function.

The need for communication has developed as long as the human species has existed. Without community, a person cannot exist. There are more talkative or silent families. A minimum level of communication has been established, cat. necessary for a couple to provide comfort and a feeling of dissatisfaction with this function. Complaints: we hardly talk, she is silent all evening. Overcoming the discrepancy between spouses in communication is solved by searching for topics of mutual interest in communication. This can be done in technology by comparing expectations. Communication in the family supports the emotional state and vice versa in families where there is little communication with t.z. member family, for all members. family mood level is lower.

In the sphere of communication, an aspect that stands out is the communication strategy between spouses. 5 main strategies, cat. highlighted in the Thomas test:

2. Educational department.

Her goal is to pass on the culture of that society to the next generation. family lives. The birth has taken place. It still appears in pregnancy. The new direction is prenotal psychology, i.e. prenatal It has been established that the fetus constantly interacts with the mother, hears the voice, reacts to intonation, facial expressions like the mother, closing off from a strong cry and vice versa if the mother is in a good mood, etc. the child remains in joy throughout the pregnancy; As a result, children have developed against the background of chronic stress and are born with neuropathy, and vice versa, if against the background of a good mood of the mother with stable NS. Communication between the child's father and the child is stroking, talking. During the pregnancy, it is necessary to prepare his corner, a crib, and purchase a dowry for the baby. The rise began mainly with the birth of the child. The main mechanisms of r-ka: joint play, joint activities of r-ka with others, the mechanism of imitation or imitation, the mechanism of identification or identification, mechanics for exercises (r-k having trained the family purposefully to do something) , fur-zm cohabitation of a r-com and an adult in a dramatic crisis situation, in a cat. RK must solve the problem of meaning for himself.

Each age of the child is characterized by the predominance of certain methods of education:: up to 3 years - imitation of imitation and conscientious play; from 3-7 - identification and training from 7-11 - mechanics for exercises and joint activities; from 12-13 onwards - all the skills are brought up, but the skills of joint activities predominate. To educate a r-k, a complete family is required: both clans, at least one of the progenitors, in addition, the r-k must experience upbringing in a D/s in order to gain experience of future interaction with teachers and classmates. Without this experience, the child becomes unprepared for social adaptation at school, although he may have good intelligence.

3. Abnormal parenting styles.

s Emotional rejection of the child (varies from the mother’s refusal of the child to the mother’s non-acceptance of individual features of the child’s character or certain external qualities of the child. Almost all cases of emotional rejection of the child their children is a consequence of similar emotional rejection they suffered from their own families in childhood and adolescence.

s Hyperprotection with hyperprotection (education according to the “Family Idol” type).

s Hypoprotection with hypoprotection (upbringing like “Cinderella”).

s Preference for children's qualities in the region (phobia of growing up in the region).

s Preference for adult quality in the region (hypersocializing education).

4. Primary social control.

Formation by the family of moral and social norms of behavior and control over their implementation. Implementation through norms and rules developed in the family, through the “family constitution”: the family supports pro-social types of activities of the community and selectively condemns behavior that is contrary to ethical standards. This function is carried out by increasingly senior members. families. But traditionally, Russian families have historically tended to perform this function predominantly by men. Hence, a consequence of the lack of male upbringing in the family (absence of the father, his alcoholism) is a significantly more frequent antisocial behavior of the child raised in these conditions.

9. Group of macrosocial functions of the family; educational and economic functions

Concerning economic and consumer family functions, then it covers such aspects of family relations as running a home. households, single budget. Among the various aspects of this function, we can especially highlight the problem of “family power” and the socialization of the child in preparing him for a future independent life.

The trend towards establishing equality in the family is inherently positive. At the same time, the bias towards the feminization of family management due to the increased economic independence of women and her decisive role in raising children leads to a violation of psychological comfort.

The family as the primary unit is the educational cradle of humanity. The family mainly raises children. In the family, the child receives his first labor skills. He develops the ability to appreciate and respect the work of people, there he gains experience in caring for parents, relatives and friends, learns the reasonable consumption of various material goods, and accumulates experience in dealing with money.

The best example is the example of parents. In most cases, children are a reflection of their parents. Of course, the educational function does not end there. We can also talk about self-education in the family.

If we talk about a child, then in the family he receives his first work skills: he is engaged in self-care, provides help around the house, gains experience in caring for parents, brothers and sisters, and most importantly, learns the reasonable consumption of material and spiritual goods.

The effectiveness of family education depends, on the one hand, on the socio-economic potential of the family, on the other hand, on the moral and psychological climate.

The family influences a person’s entire life, but its most significant role is at the very beginning of life’s journey, when the moral, psychological, and emotional foundations of the individual are laid. Like no other social group, the family has a huge range of educational influence. This is a particularly trusting moral and emotional atmosphere between its members, a clear example of parents in fulfilling social and family responsibilities, joint work, conversations with children on topics that interest them, and finally, the authority of parents in solving a number of complex and important problems for a child and adolescent, etc. d.

The family most easily and effectively carries out an individual approach to a person, notices mistakes in educational activities in a timely manner, actively stimulates positive qualities that appear (sometimes very early) and fights against negative character traits. Moreover, if we take into account that in the first years of a child’s life there are a number of important “sensitive peaks” of development (emotions, cognitive activity, character), then the importance of family education turns out to be an almost irreplaceable component among other social institutions. That is why, by missing out on opportunities to influence a child in the preschool years, the family is often deprived of them altogether.

Of course, every family, every adult has its own forms and limits of possibilities for working with children. This depends not only on the economic basis of the family, the education and general culture of its members, and not even always on the pedagogical abilities of one or another parent (they can also be aimed at nurturing sanctimonious and selfish qualities). These possibilities are determined by the entire set of spiritual, moral, personal traits of each of the spouses and family members, its moral and psychological atmosphere.

True authority is gained not simply by didactic instructions (as they try to do in the family, and especially at school), but by one’s way of life and behavior. Usually such authority is not subject to any inflation. The authority of force, dependence, and fear easily turns into its opposite as soon as it is deprived of its supports. For example, a teenager gains physical strength, and parents are no longer able to punish him. Or: a young man begins to earn money by any means, sometimes dishonest, and his parents cannot, as before with their handouts, force him to “respect” himself and listen to their opinion. The problem of moral authority within the family is very important and relevant, since its solution goes far beyond the boundaries of the family and school.

Real upbringing in a family is a lot of work: both physical, when the mother takes care of the baby, and mental, when it comes to his spiritual development. Unfortunately, this requirement is not adequately recognized by society (education is not sufficiently stimulated financially, and the moral and social value of the work of a mother-educator is not equated either in public opinion or in labor legislation with professional work), and even by the family itself, which often educates (sometimes not bad) only by its “being”.

1. Educational function: support for a certain social level of the family (in education, professions) achieved by previous generations: a family of “good workers”, “intellectuals”. Those around her are guided by this image of the family when assessing whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with her, whether the brides and grooms from this family are good or bad. On this basis, the prestige of the family is formed. Families have a hard time when it is not possible to maintain the social level achieved by previous generations: their parents or their children get a lower education and less qualified work.

Families are able to recognize this type of crisis and complain about it. Having overcome the crisis with psychotherapeutic methods of accepting oneself and other members. family and methods of maintaining self-esteem.

2. Economic and economic department.

It is carried out by adult grandparents and parents, as well as by working children who have not yet separated into their own family. In the systemic crisis of society that Russia is currently experiencing, most families are experiencing difficulties in providing material support. Families complain about a lack of money, about claims against each other for the “incorrect” distribution of income. These complaints are not psychotherapeutic and should be rejected by the consultant as a complaint! To overcome this complaint, a psychotherapist can conduct a class with the family or assign training, drawing up a family budget, a plan for material expenses for the next month, quarter, year. A universal method of overcoming non-psychotherapeutic complaints is methods of mutually increasing the self-esteem of each other.

10. Family subsystems and roles, child-parent and child-child relationships

Distribution of roles in the family: To understand the family as a social institution, the analysis of role relationships in the family is of great importance. Family role is one of the types of social roles of Ch-ka in society. Family roles are determined by the place and functions of the individual in the family group and are subdivided primarily into marital (wife, husband), parental (mother, father), children (son, daughter, brother, sister), intergenerational and intragenerational (grandfather, grandmother, elder , junior), etc. The fulfillment of a family role depends on the fulfillment of a number of conditions, on the correct formation of the role image. An individual must clearly understand what it means to be a husband or wife, the eldest in the family or the youngest, what behavior is expected of him, what rules and norms are expected of him, what rules and norms this or that behavior dictates to him. In order to formulate the image of his behavior, the individual must accurately determine his place and the place of others in the role structure of the family.

Role relationships in the family, formed when performing certain functions, can be characterized by role agreement or role conflict. Role conflict manifests itself as: A) conflict of role models, which is associated with their incorrect formation in one or more family members; b) inter-role conflict, in which the contradiction lies in the opposition of role expectations emanating from different roles. Conflicts of this kind are often observed in multi-generational families, where second-generation spouses are both children and parents and must accordingly combine opposing roles; V) intra-role conflict, in which one role includes conflicting demands. In a modern family, problems of this kind are most often inherent in the female role. This applies to cases where the role of a woman involves a combination of the traditional female role in the family (housewife, childcare worker, etc.) with a modern role, which involves equal participation of spouses in providing the family with material resources.

A family role is a set of behavioral stereotypes that help certain types of family activities or functions take place.

1st approach: family roles as social-psychological roles in a small group (leader, idea generator, communicator, psychotherapist).

2nd approach: assessing roles from the point of view provoking crises in the family or, conversely, overcoming them. Eric Berne - roles in the “pathological triangle”: pursuer, victim, rescuer.

Another typology of roles is the pathologizing and pathological role. A pathologizing role is an abnormal effect on another member. families in this couple, and the pathological role is the abnormal role that the other member. family in the dyad accepts under the influence of a pathologizing role. In a pair of these roles, both of them complement each other and one cannot exist without the other.

3rd approach: this typology of roles relates to the performance of specific family functions (household functions - cook, breadwinner, repair worker, laundress, etc.).

4th approach: by age and generation, by gender:

In general, in counseling it is found that each role has its own subpersonality, and in this regard, in relation to roles in the family, Gestalt therapy techniques can be applied: turn to subpersonalities as if they were separate, independent personalities from each other, with their own motives, meanings of life , behavioral skills, appearance. An example of how to D/s: compare your appearance in 2 polar subpersonalities “I am a woman”, “I am a man”.

Parent-child relationships are one of the manifestations of the history and culture of a nation. Several cultural and historical types of relationships between families and children can be distinguished. Authoritarian attitude- parents strive to control their children, and children strive for autonomy. But there are cultures, and there are no conflicts on this basis (the culture of the aborigines of Central Africa and Australia, Japanese culture, Jewish culture).

In Russia, since the mid-20th century, a different type of parent-child relationship began to form, associated with a change in the family model and with the democratization of society developing within the social system: the predominance of attitudes towards children as equal individuals in the family, attention to their needs.

In a family, parent-child relationships change depending on age and one of the typical mistakes of parents, entailing infantilism of children, is an attempt to preserve earlier types of relationships towards children while a later stage of their development has already begun .

Correction of parent-child relationships. Diagnosis of abnormal and other features of relationships that impede the development of the individual’s personality. Training for successful efficiency in the educational function of childbirth (training of childbirth competence).

11. Stages and crises of family development before the child enters school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

It starts with the birth of the first child. The main task of developing a young family with a child is the reorganization of the family to solve new problems. The family must reconsider its relationships and existing rules, taking into account the interests of the child. Parents are only human; they do not automatically become caregivers the moment their child is born. Parents' sensitivity to the child's needs and conditions and caring treatment contribute to the child's sense of trust in other people. Children who experience parental care and attention in the early years of life develop better. Over time, parents establish interpersonal boundaries to ensure the child's safety and parental authority, while still maintaining the need to promote the child's growth.

The dangers of this period are a forced break in the professional development of one and an increased financial burden on the other. An important and dangerous point during this period is the chronic lack of strength and time for their personal and marital needs among young parents: for recreation, for hobbies, for friends, for romantic relationships with each other, and simply for physical sleep.

3. Young family with small children. This stage is characterized by the division of roles associated with fatherhood and motherhood, their coordination, material support for new living conditions for the family, adaptation to heavy physical and mental stress, limitation of the general activity of spouses outside the family, insufficient opportunity to be alone, etc.

Sometimes a couple is not ready for children, and the birth of an unwanted child can complicate the problems of raising him. In addition, people who thought of their marriage as a trial run find that they now find it much more difficult to separate.

There are cases when the birth of a child is considered by the mother as a way to make up for the lack of self-love. During pregnancy, the mother may be happy with the fantasy of acquiring a being who will love her. The collapse of the dream occurs after childbirth due to the need to “give” a lot yourself. Postpartum depression is sometimes seen as a reaction to the irrevocable loss of one's own childhood.

A fundamentally important feature of this stage of the family life cycle is the transition of spouses to the beginning of the implementation of parental function. The formation of a parental position is a turning point process in many respects, a crisis for both parents, which largely predetermines the fate of the development of children in the family, the nature of child-parent relationships and the development of the personality of the parent himself.

The parental role is fundamentally different from the marital role in that when a marital union is formed, both partners are free to end the marital relationship and dissolve the marriage, while the parent is a “lifelong” role performed by the individual and cannot be canceled. Even in so-called “abandonment” cases, when parents renounce their right and responsibility to raise a child, leaving him in a maternity hospital or orphanage, the mother and father retain responsibility for their moral choice, remaining parents, even if only biological ones.

A number of important questions at this stage are related to who will care for the child. New roles for mother and father emerge; their parents become grandparents (great-grandparents). A peculiar age shift occurs: aging parents have to see their children as adults. For many, this is a difficult transition. What has not been worked out between the two spouses must be worked out in the presence of a third person: for example, one of the parents (most often the mother) is forced to stay at home and care for the child, while the other (most often the father) tries to maintain ties with the outside world.

There is a narrowing of the wife’s communication zone. Material provision falls on the husband, so he “frees” himself from caring for the child. On this basis, conflicts may arise due to the wife’s overload with household chores and the husband’s desire to “relax” outside the family. A rather important problem of this period can be the problem of self-realization of the mother, whose activities are limited only to the family. She may have feelings of dissatisfaction and envy towards her husband's active life. The marriage may begin to disintegrate as the wife's demands for child care increase and the husband begins to feel that his wife and child are interfering with his work and career.

In relation to young Russian families, in some of them there is a need to separate from the older generation (to exchange or rent an apartment, etc.), in others, on the contrary, all concerns are transferred to grandparents (the newlyweds do not seem to become parents).

When the child grows up, the mother can return to work. In this regard, a new problem arises: what to do with the child - look for a nanny or send him to a preschool institution.

Single mothers face special problems - children begin to ask questions about their father. In addition, in all families there may be a problem of unity of requirements for the child and control of his behavior: the grandmother spoils, the mother indulges in everything, and the father sets too many rules and prohibitions; the child senses this and manipulates them. Along with this, the family faces the issue of preparing the child for school, and the choice of an appropriate educational institution can also lead to disagreements between adult family members.

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