About the book "Who's in Sheep's Clothing? How to Recognize a Manipulator." George Simon - Who's in Sheep's Clothing? Introduction Hidden aggression as the basis of manipulation

In words, your manager is for you, but in reality, your salary and promotion are stuck in a swamp, when talking with this colleague, you feel like your wallet is about to disappear, and your beloved child is extorting another toy from you with whining and flattery - all these people are active, charming and very resourceful.

They find your weak points and cleverly use it to gain the upper hand over you. Their treachery, duplicity and cunning are not easy to notice, but you work with them, communicate and even live together, all these people are manipulators - wolves in sheep's clothing.

Book " Who's in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator”, which was kindly provided to us by Alpina Publisher, was written by the famous writer, teacher and respected psychologist George Simon.

On the pages of this book, the author shows the typical character traits of manipulators. He reveals to us the techniques by which manipulators manage to lead others by the nose, manipulate them and control them. And he gives us detailed instructions on how to effectively resist these manipulations and defend our position and interests in the fight against the manipulator.

George Simon emphasizes what we were all taught as children: “a person should repent for his bad actions,” and that “people only behave aggressively in response to an attack,” we believe in this, but in fact it is in vain.

The wolf has no doubt that the sheep exists only to satisfy his hunger. The predator is calm and collected, it sneaks up on its prey and lunges at it.

The rage of a wolf that tears a poor sheep apart is the rage of a predator, he does not hate the sheep, and is not at all offended by it, it is the cold rage of a predator who intends to get the prey that belongs to him by right as a predator.

The wolf does not have a feeling of guilt or remorse before the sheep after dinner, there is only a pleasant feeling of satiety and a feeling of victory. The wolf attacked the sheep not because she showed any aggression towards him or somehow offended him. No, he just wanted to eat.

The manipulator acts in a similar way; it does not occur to us that an attack on us in interpersonal relationships is simply a person’s desire to take away what he needs, to insist on his own, or to become the master of the situation. The manipulator is a real predator and his aggression is a planned and intentional action to get what he wants, he is not tormented by his conscience, there is no remorse for bad deeds, only a pleasant feeling of victory.

He will ruthlessly, decisively and deftly use his rich arsenal of techniques and tricks in order to not only achieve what he wants, but also to hide his true essence from others with a good impression, packaging his greedy act in a beautiful candy wrapper approved by society.

Take it for granted, George Simon advises us, that some people are merciless, ruthless and cunning by nature and they need no reason to attack you.

How to recognize a manipulator?

How to recognize a manipulator? The answer to this question is needed like air, because the inability to discern aggression in the tactics of another person is a direct path to becoming a victim.

Almost all manipulators, says George Simon, have the following characteristics:
A person constantly strives to insist on his own, he always strives to win, in any situation he wants to dictate his terms, he does not consider refusal an answer, he answers a direct question with excuses and tries to evade, tries to make you feel guilty, and the like.

“Dirty fight” (Divide and conquer) - one of the manipulator’s techniques

Divide and conquer (in the book - dirty struggle) is one of the manipulator’s techniques, in which the manipulator turns others against each other, they stop communicating with each other, and the manipulator, communicating with everyone, gains power over them. The story of Jack, Betty, and their boss is instructive, in which Betty's dirty tricks ultimately cost Jack his career.

In the book you will find about twenty more favorite techniques of the manipulator, which he applies to colleagues at work and to his other half at home. Knowing these techniques, you will now be able to determine that this is a manipulator in front of you and take countermeasures.

I liked the book, there are new ideas for me, I was interested in learning about different types of aggressive personalities and that manipulators are from the same category. Thanks to the author for useful practical techniques on how to recognize and effectively resist manipulators in interpersonal relationships. I found the most interesting: “reasonable agreements,” “get ready for revenge,” and “set behavioral boundaries.”

WHO IS THIS BOOK FOR: Book “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator" will be useful to businessmen, office workers, husbands and wives, as well as their children, that is, to all those who, at work or in personal relationships, encounter charming and ruthless wolves in sheep's clothing and wants to learn the tricks how to resist a manipulator, you can buy the book in a bookstore in your city or on the website of the online store (www.alpinabook.ru) of the publishing house Alpina Publisher.

"George Simon Who's in Sheep's Clothing? How to recognize a manipulator Text provided by the copyright holder Who is in the sheep... "

George Simon

Who's in sheep's clothing? How

recognize the manipulator

Text provided by the copyright holder

http://www.litres.ru/pages/biblio_book/?art=8709293

Who's in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator / George Simon: Alpina Publisher;

Moscow; 2015

ISBN 978-5-9614-3653-2

annotation

“I was surrounded by nice, nice people, slowly tightening the ring.” This phrase

fully reflects the way people of a certain type act. This is about

manipulators who unobtrusively gain our trust and take advantage of our disposition, kindness and inability to say “no” for their own purposes. Often we do not understand that someone is unscrupulously using us, and when we realize this, it is already too late: we are devastated, humiliated and depressed. How to recognize manipulators and not give them the slightest chance? This is exactly what the famous American psychologist George Simon writes about. The classification of manipulative personalities, the way they act, and methods of dealing with them are all in the book “Who’s in Sheep’s Clothing?”, which has become a world bestseller.

Contents Acknowledgments of the author 6 Preface 7 Part I 10 Introduction 10 A typical problem 10 The essence of the problem 10 The nature of human aggression 11 Two important types of aggression 12 Covert and passive aggression 12 Covert-aggressive actions and covert-aggressive type 12 personality The process of victimization 13 End of the introductory fragment. 14 D. Simon. “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

George Simon Who's in Sheep's Clothing? How to recognize a manipulator Project manager O. Ravdanis Proofreader E. Chudinova Computer layout A. Abramov Cover design M. Borisov Art director S. Timonov Images from the shutterstock.com photo bank were used for the cover design © George K. Simon, Ph.D., 1996 , 2012 © Edition in Russian, translation, design. Alpina Publisher LLC, 2015 ***

This book will help:

Understand which of those around you is manipulating you;

Develop the correct line of behavior with manipulators of all stripes;

Learn not to give in to those who want to use you for their own purposes.

Having read a whole selection of books on various issues of personality development, works on psychology, psychiatry, and so on, I simply MUST recommend this book to you as one of the most important. She makes a simple and clear path through the verbal husk. I bought several copies for my friends - the book is beyond praise.

E. Adams, online store client Don't let your boss lead you by the nose anymore! George Simon's book Who's in Sheep's Clothing? How to recognize a manipulator" is simply a gift from heaven for anyone who has ever doubted their mental health in relationships with those who like to control and manipulate.

Child of Aeolus, client of the online store Dr. Simon reveals the mechanisms of the favorite tactics of manipulators and teaches you to detect and repel their attacks, regaining control of the situation. This book helped me build a relationship with one person. I was forced to deal with him on a daily basis, but after each such “friendly” conversation I invariably felt depressed and hurt, but I could not understand why this was happening. Thanks to this book, I was able to understand what was really happening. Dr. Simon's instructions helped me identify the manipulator and deal with the problem. And since that comrade is now aware that he can no longer control me, we have developed a normal relationship - not the height of perfection, but definitely better than what we had.

Reader from Chicago

This book is like an amulet that allows you to disenchant all that verbal dope that manipulators love so much and reveal their true intentions. Do yourself a favor: buy it.

Christy, Missouri This is one of the best books I have ever read and I would recommend it to anyone. She helped me become a stronger person and judge others differently. I have always been quite naive and careless about people's ulterior motives, but reading this book taught me a lot.

S. Bresenti, online store client It’s sad that there are people in the world who make life so difficult for others. Discovering them in your life (personal and work) is a very important skill, which sometimes helps a) not go crazy and b) take the right steps. Dr. Simon's book is written with amazing clarity.

If you only have the opportunity to read one book this year, read this one.

JA008, online store client Thanks to this book, you understand that it is our ignorance of the nature of evil that gives him a free hand. Simon shows what may actually be behind those seemingly ordinary human actions that puzzle us so much. According to him, while we perceive a skilled manipulator as a good person, as we would like to see him, he drinks all the juice out of us and leaves us in despondency and confusion. I would add on my own behalf that such manipulators are evil incarnate, for evil implies lying, pressure and subjugation of others through deception. Simon explains how to recognize this behavior and what to do about it. People need to learn more about manipulators and learn to protect themselves and society from them. This book is a great starting point.

Kai, reader from New York State Informatively and with humor, George Simon collects all the chatter and verbal serpentine with which we are entangled by power-hungry and slippery bosses, nasty neighbors, obnoxious colleagues, and lays it out on the shelves to show those simple psychological strategies that help them take advantage of our location, patience and even wallet. I recommended this book to everyone I knew and bought several copies for the future for my children. Highly recommend!

K. McCallum, online store client

D. Simon. “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

Author Acknowledgments I am deeply grateful to my wife, Sherry Simon, for her endless love, trust, understanding, patience, and support. Sherry gave this book its name and provided invaluable assistance throughout the writing process, helping me articulate my thoughts more clearly.

I would like to thank Dr. Bruce Carruf for his critical comments on the manuscript and suggestions that made the book easier to read.

I am indebted to Dr. Theodore Millon, whose careful approach to personality analysis not only influenced my way of thinking in this matter, but also served me well when I tried to help other people work on themselves.

I greatly appreciate the continuous support of the participants in my seminars, who tested my ideas in practice and enriched me with new experience and knowledge. They helped me separate the important from the secondary, understand and more clearly formulate one of the key tasks of my life.

Words cannot express my gratitude to the thousands of readers whose interest has kept this book on the supply lists of online stores and retail outlets for 15 years. The abundance of letters, emails, and blog posts that my readers wrote helped me make the necessary changes and additions to this revised edition. I have expanded the discussion of key concepts and added important new data in an effort to respond quickly in the new edition to all the feedback I continue to receive.

Finally, I want to thank Roger Armbrust and Ted Packhurst of Parkhurst Brothers. Ted inspired me early on in the book and was there when I needed it; Roger's company and kind attitude greatly helped my work and ultimately benefited the readers.

D. Simon. “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

Preface Whether we are talking about a manager who verbally supports you, but in reality stops any attempt to move forward, about a colleague who is quietly “digging” under you in order to earn the favor of his superiors, about the other half who pretends to be loving and caring, but she herself... little things controlling your life, or a child who knows all your weaknesses and skillfully plays on them to get his way - all manipulators resemble the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing. Outwardly, they may appear friendly and charming. But under this shell lies ruthlessness and prudence.

Insidiously and unnoticed, such people look for your vulnerable spots and, using sophisticated techniques, gain the upper hand over you. Manipulators are the type of people who are willing to make any effort to achieve their goal, but do everything possible to hide their aggressive intentions. That's why I call them covertly aggressive personalities.

As a practicing clinical psychologist, I became interested in the problem of hidden aggression more than 20 years ago. My interest was sparked by the fact that the feelings of depression, anxiety, and insecurity that led some of my patients to seek my help turned out to be in some way related to relationships in which a manipulative personality was present. I have counseled not only victims of hidden aggression, but also manipulators themselves, who found themselves in distress because their usual ways of getting their way and managing others no longer worked.

The work gave me insight into how common manipulative behavior is and the powerful emotional strain it can bring to relationships.

a spiritual “teacher” who managed to convince his followers that he was the incarnation of God on earth, seduced their children and intimidated those who dared to challenge him.

It seems our world is full of manipulators.

These prominent wolves in sheep's clothing, making headlines, grab our attention and arouse our curiosity, making us wonder what makes them tick. However, the behavior of most covertly aggressive people we encounter in life is not so grotesque. Their cunning, treachery, duplicity and cunning are inconspicuous - these are the people with whom we work, collaborate and even live together. And they are quite capable of ruining our lives. We feel bitterness and frustration because it is so difficult for us to understand them and even more difficult to deal with them.

When emotional suffering causes victims of hidden aggression to seek help for the first time, they usually have little idea why they feel so bad: they simply feel confused, anxious or depressed. However, gradually they come to understand that they are driven crazy by the presence of a certain person in their lives. They don't trust this person, but they can't explain why. They are angry with him, but for some reason they themselves feel guilty. They try to conflict with him because of his behavior, but ultimately they themselves find themselves on the defensive. People feel depressed and desperate because they make concessions, although they were going to insist on their own, and God. Simon. “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

They say “yes” when they want to say “no”, and all attempts to change the state of affairs are in vain. Contact with such a person always leaves them with a feeling of confusion, a feeling that they have been used. Exploring all these manifestations during therapy, victims sooner or later understand that their problems are the result of fruitless efforts to comprehend the actions of the manipulator, the need to deal with him and attempts to cope with his behavior.

Although many of my patients are smart, resourceful people well versed in traditional psychology, their quest to understand and deal with manipulative behavior mostly led them to dead ends, and some steps even seemed to make the problem worse. Moreover, none of the methods that I tried to use at first produced real results. With quite a wide range of training, I have tried every type of therapeutic intervention and strategy imaginable. All of them brought some relief to the victim, but none helped to truly change the nature of the relationship with the manipulator. Even more confusing was the fact that none of my methods had any effect when working with the manipulators themselves. Having come to the conclusion that there was something fundamentally wrong with traditional approaches to interacting with manipulative people, I began to carefully study the problem in the hope of finding a practical and more effective approach.

In this book I would like to introduce you to a new perspective on the nature of manipulation.

I am convinced that, compared to many other approaches, it allows us to more accurately describe manipulators and systematize their behavior. I will explain what hidden aggression is and why I believe it is the basis of interpersonal manipulation. I will draw your attention to some aspects of personality, the description of which is often missing in traditional interpretations. The belief system I develop challenges some common assumptions about why people act the way they do and explains why some commonly held beliefs about human nature can make us targets for manipulators.

When writing the book, I set myself three goals. First, I wanted to give you a comprehensive understanding of the nature of the unbalanced character, as well as the typical characteristics of the covert-aggressive personality. We will look at the types of aggressive personality and its properties in general and discuss the unique characteristics of the covert-aggressive type. I will bring to your attention several sketches taken from life so that you can feel the “spirit” of this personality type and understand the mechanisms of action of manipulative people.

Learning to recognize wolves in sheep's clothing and what to expect from these types of characters is the first step to avoiding becoming a victim.

My second goal is to show exactly how covertly aggressive people manage to mislead, manipulate and control others. Aggressive and covertly aggressive people use a specific set of interpersonal techniques and tactics to gain the upper hand over others. Becoming more familiar with these tactics will help you recognize manipulation the moment it occurs, thereby avoiding victimization. We will also discuss traits that many of us have that make us extremely vulnerable. Understanding what features of your character the manipulator will target first is the next important step on the path that leads away from the role of the victim.

Finally, my final goal is to share specific steps that anyone can take to interact more effectively with aggressive and covertly aggressive individuals. I will give some general principles that allow you to reconsider the rules of conduct when contacting people of this type, and I will offer specific tools that increase your influence on the situation and allow you to break the vicious D. Simon. “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

a circle leading to a feeling of depression in attempts to cope with the manipulator. By using these tools, the former victim has a chance to spend her energy on what can truly make her stronger: changing her own behavior. To become less vulnerable to the tricks of a manipulator and gain control over your own life, it is extremely important to know how to behave in situations fraught with manipulation.

I tried to maintain a serious manner of presenting the material and speak to the point, but at the same time express my thoughts clearly and frankly. In creating the book, I addressed both the general public and mental health professionals; I hope both of these categories of readers will find it useful. Therapists are captive to a number of traditional assumptions, patterns and intervention strategies, thereby sometimes driving themselves into the same misconceptions about the character and behavior of manipulators, unintentionally passing them on to their patients, which only exacerbates the victimization of the latter. I propose to take a fresh look at this topic in the hope that it will help both professionals and ordinary people deal effectively with manipulative behavior.

D. Simon. “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

– – –

Common Problem The following scenarios may sound familiar to you.

Here is a woman trying to unwind the tangle of her feelings. She is angry with her husband because he demands that their daughter be an excellent student. At the same time, she is gnawed by doubts about whether she has the right to feel anger about this.

When she, based on her ideas about her daughter’s abilities, noticed that his demands were unreasonably high, he responded:

“Any good parent wants their child to succeed and be successful in life, don’t they?” – making her feel callous and soulless. In fact, every encounter with him left her feeling like a disgusting person. When she suggested that it was not just her daughter and that the family should seek advice from a psychotherapist, he responded sharply: “Do you think I need a psychiatrist?!” – made her feel guilty for even bringing up the topic. This woman quite often tries to defend her point of view, but always ends up giving in to her husband. Sometimes she thinks that the root of all problems is in him - in his selfishness, excessive demands, desire to suppress and control.

However, he is a faithful husband, the breadwinner of the family and a respected member of society. To be fair, she had no reason to be angry with him. However, she is angry. And so she returns over and over again to the idea that perhaps there is something wrong with herself.

Here is a mother who is trying unsuccessfully to understand her daughter's behavior. It always seemed to her that no girl would threaten to leave home, saying “Everyone hates me” or “I wish I had never been born,” unless she felt extremely depressed and intimidated. With one part of her being, the mother sees in her daughter the same little girl who threw things or held her breath until she turned blue when she didn’t like something. After all, the daughter only says and does these things when she is called to order or when she is trying to get something she really wants. But somewhere deep down the mother is afraid that these are not empty threats. “What if she believes what she says?” – this woman asks herself. "What if I'm actually doing something that's hurting her and I just don't notice it?" - she is worried. She hates feeling intimidated by her daughter's threats and emotional outbursts, but at the same time she cannot discount the possibility that her daughter is really offended - because it can be? After all, a child won’t do this if he is not in danger and feels safe, right?

The Heart of the Problem None of the victims in the scenarios described above trusted their “spinal” sense. They felt that they were in a defensive position, but consciously could not see the aggressor in the manipulator. On the one hand, the inner voice speaks. Simon. “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

told them that another person was trying to get the better of them. On the other hand, the situation did not give them any obvious confirmation of this feeling. They began to doubt their own sanity.

No, their minds are fine. In reality, people are almost constantly trying to get the better of each other. And manipulators are excellent at doing this in such a way that it is almost impossible to discover their true motives. For the most part, you are unaware of their attempts to defeat you and do not even suspect that you are participating in a fight until you catch yourself on the edge of the abyss. Manipulation, as a rule, means that they are fighting with you in order to obtain certain benefits or advantages, it’s just that this struggle is almost imperceptible. Most manipulations are based on hidden aggression.

The Nature of Human Aggression The instinct that drives us to fight other people is a close relative of the survival instinct 1. Almost all of us “fight” to survive and succeed, but most of these battles are not destructive in nature and do not involve physical violence. Some theorists believe that our aggressive energy can only express itself in violent actions when this basic instinct is seriously threatened. Others believe that there are individuals who, regardless of circumstances, are predisposed to aggression, including physical aggression.

But whatever the basis of violent actions - excessive pressure of circumstances, an innate predisposition, the actualization of previously acquired skills, or any combination of these factors, all theorists agree on one thing: aggression in itself is not synonymous with destructive physical violence. In this book, the word “aggression” will be used to describe the powerful energy that we all expend in our daily attempts to survive, to succeed, to protect what we think will bring us certain joys, and to remove obstacles in our path.

We fight many more fights every day than we care to admit. The desire to engage in combat is a fundamental and instinctive desire. Anyone who would deny the instinctive nature of aggression has either never observed children fighting over possession of a toy, or has simply forgotten this archetypal scene. In addition, battles are a significant part of our culture. They are closely woven into the fabric of social life

- from the ruthless bickering that accompanies the struggle for representative power, to the competitive corporate environment and the adversarial principle of the justice system. We sue each other, divorce each other, fight for the right to raise children, get a job, insist on certain goals, values, beliefs and ideals. Psychodynamicist Alfred Adler noted many years ago that we also actively strive for a sense of social superiority. When fighting for personal or social advantage, we strive to outwit each other to gain power, enhance prestige, or carve out a secure social niche. In fact, we are fighting so many battles in so many aspects of our lives that it is no exaggeration to say that when we are not engaged in love, we are engaged in war.

There is nothing necessarily harmful or wrong in these battles. Openly and honestly asserting your legal rights is a constructive and often inevitable step.

When we fight for what we really need, while respecting the rights and needs of others and taking care not to cause unnecessary harm, our behavior is best described as self-confidence, or assertiveness. Assertive BehaviorThe numbers in square brackets refer to the notes at the end of the book. – Approx. ed.

D. Simon. “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

tion is a healthy and necessary ability. If we can stand up for ourselves in the fight for our goals, overcome dependence on something and gain integrity and self-sufficiency - this is wonderful. But when we get into fights unnecessarily or do not think about how our actions will affect others, our behavior should be called aggressive.

In the civilized world, the uncontrollable urge to fight (aggression) is almost always a problem.

However, the fact that we are aggressive creatures does not make us moral cripples or “fiends of hell.” Following the views actively defended by Carl Jung, I will undertake to argue that the evil that sometimes arises from the aggressive behavior of a person is caused by his inability to cope with this key human instinct and put it into rigid boundaries.

Two important types of aggression One of the most important classifications of types of struggle that we will discuss is the division of aggression into open and hidden (another important division is reactive and predatory, or instrumental aggression). When you are determined to insist on your own or fight for this or that advantage, but at the same time you act straightforwardly, openly and clearly, your behavior is best described as openly aggressive.

If you strive to win, get your way, overcome or take control, and at the same time act quietly, secretly and cunningly enough to hide your true intentions, your behavior should be called covert-aggressive. Hiding obvious manifestations of aggression, while intimidating another and forcing him to step aside or give in, is a very powerful manipulative maneuver. That is why hidden aggression is the most common mechanism of interpersonal manipulation.

Covert and Passive Aggression I often hear people call someone “passive-aggressive” when they are actually trying to describe covert-aggressive behavior. Yes, both covert aggression and passive aggression are roundabout ways of expressing aggression, but they are definitely not the same thing. Passive aggression, as the phrase itself implies, is aggression in inaction. Examples of passive aggression include various ways of taking emotional “revenge” on another person - refusal to cooperate with him, boycott, displays of resentment and dissatisfaction, complaints and whining, deliberate “forgetfulness” due to the fact that you are angry or do not consider yourself obligated to cooperate, etc. Hidden aggression, on the contrary, is very active, although it looks veiled. When someone is covertly aggressive, they use calculated and cunning ways to get their way or get a desired reaction, but at the same time skillfully hide their aggressive intentions.

Covert-aggressive actions and covert-aggressive personality type Many of us take certain covert-aggressive actions from time to time, but this does not make us covert-aggressive personalities or manipulators.

A person’s personality can be defined as the way in which he habitually perceives other people and the world as a whole, interacts with them and builds relationships. It is a distinctive "style" or ingrained way of behaving that a person uses in a wide variety of situations to achieve what he wants. Some individuals can be extremely ruthless in interpersonal interactions, but at the same time D. Simon. “Who is in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator"

hide your aggressive character and even demonstrate quite convincing external charm. These hidden aggressive individuals are able to get their way from you and at the same time not give themselves away in the process. The depth of cruelty and pathology of their behavior may vary, but vivid examples can tell us more about manipulation in general, so in this book we will pay close attention to some particularly unbalanced covertly aggressive individuals.

The Victimization Process For a long time, I wondered why victims of manipulation have little understanding of what is actually happening in manipulative interactions. At first there was a great temptation to blame them themselves. However, as I have discovered over time, they have good reasons to be fooled.

1. The manipulator’s aggression is not obvious. We can intuitively feel that he is trying to beat us, subjugate us, or get his way, and we experience unaccountable, unconscious fear. But since we are unable to point out obvious signs of aggression against us, we have nothing to check and support our feelings.

2. Manipulators often use powerful deception techniques, which makes it difficult to recognize cunning tricks in their behavior. Thanks to these techniques, a person can appear suffering, caring, defensive - or whatever, but not fighting for an advantage over us. The manipulator’s arguments are always meaningful just enough to make us distrust our instincts and prevent us from discerning that he is subjugating us and using us for his own purposes. His tactics not only prevent us from objectively understanding that the manipulator is trying to gain power over us, but also forces us to unconsciously take a defensive position. This turns manipulation techniques into effective psychological combat combinations. It's hard to stay clear-headed when someone is discouraging you on an emotional level, which makes it hard to see the truth behind these techniques.

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George Simon

Who's in sheep's clothing? How to recognize a manipulator

Project Manager O. Ravdanis

Corrector E. Chudinova

Computer layout A. Abramov

Cover design M. Borisov

Art Director S. Timonov

The cover design uses images from the photo bank shutterstock.com

* * *

This book will help:

Understand which of those around you is manipulating you;

Develop the correct line of behavior with manipulators of all stripes;

Learn not to give in to those who want to use you for their own purposes.

E. Adams, online store client

Don't let your boss fool you anymore! George Simon's book Who's in Sheep's Clothing? How to recognize a manipulator" is simply a gift from heaven for anyone who has ever doubted their mental health in relationships with those who like to control and manipulate.

Child of Aeolus, online store client

Dr. Simon reveals the mechanics of manipulators' favorite tactics and teaches you how to detect and counter their attacks, regaining control of the situation. This book helped me build a relationship with one person. I was forced to deal with him on a daily basis, but after each such “friendly” conversation I invariably felt depressed and hurt, but I could not understand why this was happening. Thanks to this book, I was able to understand what was really happening. Dr. Simon's instructions helped me identify the manipulator and deal with the problem. And since that comrade is now aware that he can no longer control me, we have developed a normal relationship - not the height of perfection, but definitely better than what we had.

Reader from Chicago

This book is like an amulet that allows you to disenchant all that verbal dope that manipulators love so much and reveal their true intentions. Do yourself a favor: buy it.

Christie, Missouri

This is one of the best books I have ever read and I would recommend it to everyone. She helped me become a stronger person and judge others differently. I have always been quite naive and careless about people's ulterior motives, but reading this book taught me a lot.

S. Bresenti, online store client

It's sad that there are people in the world who make life so difficult for others. Discovering them in your life (personal and work) is a very important skill, which sometimes helps a) not go crazy and b) take the right steps. Dr. Simon's book is written with amazing clarity. If you only have the opportunity to read one book this year, read this one.

JA008, online store client

Thanks to this book, you understand that it is our ignorance of the nature of evil that gives him a free hand. Simon shows what may actually be behind those seemingly ordinary human actions that puzzle us so much. According to him, while we perceive a skilled manipulator as a good person, as we would like to see him, he drinks all the juice out of us and leaves us in despondency and confusion. I would add on my own behalf that such manipulators are evil incarnate, for evil implies lying, pressure and subjugation of others through deception. Simon explains how to recognize this behavior and what to do about it. People need to learn more about manipulators and learn to protect themselves and society from them. This book is a great starting point.

Kai, reader from New York State

In a meaningful and humorous way, George Simon collects all the chatter and verbal serpentine with which we are entangled by power-hungry and slippery bosses, nasty neighbors, obnoxious colleagues, and puts them on the shelves to show those simple psychological strategies that help them take advantage of our goodwill, patience and even with a wallet. I recommended this book to everyone I knew and bought several copies for the future for my children. Highly recommend!

K. McCallum, online store client

I am deeply grateful to my wife Sherry Simon for her endless love, trust, understanding, patience and support. Sherry gave this book its name and provided invaluable assistance throughout the writing process, helping me articulate my thoughts more clearly.

I would like to thank Dr. Bruce Carruf for his critical comments on the manuscript and suggestions that made the book easier to read.

Preface

Whether we are talking about a manager who supports you in words, but in reality stops any attempt to move forward, about a colleague who is secretly “digging” under you in order to earn the favor of his superiors, about the other half who pretends to be loving and caring, but is down to the smallest detail? controls your life, or a child who knows all your weaknesses and skillfully plays on them to get his way - all manipulators resemble the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing. Outwardly, they may appear friendly and charming. But under this shell lies ruthlessness and prudence. Insidiously and unnoticed, such people look for your vulnerable spots and, using sophisticated techniques, gain the upper hand over you. Manipulators are the type of people who are willing to make any effort to achieve their goal, but do everything possible to hide their aggressive intentions. That's why I call them covertly aggressive personalities.

The scale of the problem of hidden aggression is obvious. Most of us personally know at least one manipulator. Rarely a day goes by without the media telling us about someone who has managed to deceive and take advantage of others before his true nature is revealed. The televangelist, who called for good morals, chastity and love, deceived his wife and did not hesitate to rob his flock; a politician who swore to “serve the public interest” was caught lining his own pockets; a spiritual “teacher” who managed to convince his followers that he was the incarnation of God on earth, seduced their children and intimidated those who dared to challenge him. It seems our world is full of manipulators.

This book was my second in studying this topic and indeed it is stronger, unlike the other, in describing the seriousness of the problem. Various examples are given, among which you can find your case. It doesn’t say step by step how these examples were ultimately resolved, but an analysis of the situation may well help open your eyes to your situation. Ways to solve problems or resist a manipulator are very concisely described, what needs to be done and what, on the contrary, is not necessary in order for everyone to remain a winner. It will not save you from problems immediately after reading, since this is your struggle, in which your efforts are needed, but it will help you raise your head so that you see the direction where you will be more comfortable and will help you take the first step towards this.

Maria Pudovkina0

If you are interested in books about manipulation in order to learn how to defend yourself from manipulators (and not learn how to manipulate), then this book is for you. Nowadays there are many good books about manipulators; they describe techniques and methods of manipulation, of which there are a lot, and knowledge of which will help us recognize manipulation (unfortunately, these books can also serve as teaching aids for manipulators). But this book is special. She introduces us to the psychology of the manipulator and teaches us to recognize him and distinguish him from other people. Its author clearly and persistently helps us understand a very important thing - a person who manipulates is an aggressor. He fights with us, he attacks us. He wants to gain an advantage and gain the upper hand over us. And he does it hidden. Those. This is a hidden aggressive person. This book teaches us to recognize hidden aggression and protect ourselves from it. Useful book, I recommend it.

Dankova Inna0

Attempts to analyze one’s own behavior in response to the inappropriate behavior of an interlocutor are a very common occurrence in everyday life. I caught myself doing this more than once. This is due either to mentality or upbringing. That is, you immediately begin to engage in self-flagellation. Meanwhile, in front of you is none other than an ordinary arrogant manipulator. George Simon digs quite deep and makes it possible to figure out who is who in life and at work. Moreover, this is what is interesting and what does not reach my understanding - how is it possible to constantly, step by step, drive into a person such a feeling of guilt in front of you that the person literally no longer knows what other bow to make, just to please. But there is no guilt as such. There is a common manipulative technique: “We immerse ourselves in analyzing the situation, instead of simply responding to the attack. It almost never occurs to us that this may simply be a person’s desire to win what he needs, to insist on his own, or to become the master of the situation. And when we see him first and foremost as a victim, we get stuck trying to understand him instead of taking care of ourselves.” I recognize myself in 98% of such situations, alas. I’m not sure that the book will teach you to immediately recognize manipulators and their traps, but at least recognition will come, even if not immediately. When you become convinced that absolutely any manipulative trap is a subtle move by an aggressive person, the feeling of guilt fades into the background a little. But this is still in theory, I’ll check it in practice.