Developing good habits is the foundation of personal development and growth. Everything we do is the result of a habit that was previously taught to us. Unfortunately, not all of our habits are good, so we constantly strive for better. Below is a list of 30 healthy habits that can make a huge difference in your life. This list is nothing more than a recommendation. It's advisable to implement only one habit per month, so you have time to fully absorb each one, seeing significant improvements each month.
Health Habits
- Exercise 30 minutes every day. Especially if you don't move much at work, it's important to get some exercise every day. 30 minutes daily is the minimum recommended for optimal health.
- Have breakfast every day. Breakfast is the most significant meal of the day, yet so many people skip it. Personally, I like to have some toast in the morning along with a fruit drink. [Very useful recommendation, breakfast in the morning should not be neglected, at least minimally]
- Sleep 8 hours. Sleep deprivation is not a good idea. You may think you are gaining time by resting less, when in reality all you are gaining is stress and fatigue. 8 hours is fine for most people, along with an extra 20 minutes of napping after lunch. [Regarding sleep, very well written , however, from personal experience I will say that it is better to get enough sleep]
- Don't snack between meals. This is the best way to gain weight. If you are hungry, eat something specific. Otherwise no. To clarify, I mean don't eat unhealthy food between meals, and normal food is good. [Of course, it’s difficult to restrain yourself, but the advice is very correct!]
- Eat five servings of fruits and vegetables every day. Our bodies and brains love veggies and fruits, so I highly recommend eating as much of them as you can. Five servings is the dose that is generally recommended by many health associations.
- Eat fish. Fish is rich in omega-3 and other beneficial particles. At least once a week should be enough to get all these nutrients. [I’ve heard a lot about this, but I’ve never been interested in it, maybe in vain?)))]
- Drink one glass of water after sleep. When you wake up, your body is dehydrated and needs fluids. Make it a habit to drink one glass of water after waking up in the morning. Also, drink a lot throughout the day. [Very true, I recommend it to everyone! The main thing is not to go on a long journey right away, otherwise there may not be a toilet nearby =)]
- Avoid soda drinks. Soda water is one of the unhealthiest drinks. Limit yourself from this as much as possible and your body will thank you for it. [Soda is poison! I haven’t drunk for a long time and I’m very happy]
- Keep your body clean. I don't recommend spending all day in front of the mirror, but a little self-care never hurts.
- If you smoke, stop. There is no reason to smoke and it is very easy to stop.
- If you are drinking, stop. Same as above. Don't think that alcohol will solve your problems. After all, this is not true. The only exception is one glass of wine per day with meals.
- Use the ladder. This is an excellent opportunity to do a minimum of physical exercise, with a good load. Instead of the elevator, take the stairs. [Excellent advice, but again, how to force yourself, after work there is no time for running up the stairs, especially if you live high]
Habits for Productivity
- Use a mailbox system. Make it a habit to keep track of all the ideas and things that come to mind. You can use a laptop for this and then sync everything to your main computer. [It seems to me sooner or later, but everyone who has to keep a lot of information in their head comes to this. Personally, I came a long time ago, albeit in a slightly different form]
- Separate by priorities. If you have a list of tasks, where do you start? One way is through priorities. When in doubt, ask yourself: “If I could only accomplish one thing today, what would it be?”
- Plan, but not too much. Planning is important and you must decide in advance what you are going to do today or this week. However, planning more than a few weeks is generally ineffective, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.
- Wake up early. Waking up early in the morning is a great way to gain extra time. I personally like to start my day at 5:00 so that by 9:00 I have already completed what would have taken me many days to complete.
- Check your email only twice a day. Checking frequently can become addictive, but it's usually not necessary to check your email every 10 minutes. Make an effort to check your email only once or twice a day, and you will find that the world will continue to turn as it did before. [Very true, and not just email!]
- Eliminate unimportant tasks. Being busy all day doesn't mean you're doing important work. Eliminate everything that doesn't matter and focus on what really matters.
- Clean up your desk and room. Having a clean room and desk is important to maintain focus and creativity. [What about creative chaos? =)))]
- Automate. There are many tasks that need to be completed every day or every week. Try to automate them as much as possible.
- Set strict deadlines. When you do something, decide in advance when you are going to stop. Usually, you will spend all the time you have to solve a problem. So, make a habit of setting precise deadlines for maximum productivity. [I think one of the most useful pieces of advice is that you must set deadlines for yourself, otherwise all projects/cases/tasks stretch out to infinity]
- Rest once a week. Instead of working every day, take one day off (for example, Sunday) when you won't turn on the computer. Better spend this time with loved ones.
Habits for personal development
- Read one book a week. Reading is a good way to keep your brain active. With just 30 minutes a day, you are capable of reading one book a week, or more than 50 books annually.
- Solve puzzles. Quizzes, word games, etc. - good ways to exercise your brain. [Very good advice, because if some organ in the human body is not used, then it degrades, and we don’t want to reach the level of development of a five-year-old child by the age of 50??? Life is a constant learning]
- Think positively. You are what you think all the time.
- Make decisions quickly. Instead of thinking for an hour, make a decision as quickly as possible (usually less than one minute). [It seems to me that a lot of things can be done because of this advice =)]
- Wait before you buy. Wait 48 hours before purchasing anything. In most cases, this saves a lot of money. Try it yourself. [I confirm! And after a couple of days, figure out the pros and cons of this purchase.]
- Meditate 30 minutes a day. A great way to gain clarity and peace through thoughts. 30 minutes is not a lot, but it is enough to get started. [A warm bath is very good for thinking, so you can combine business with pleasure]
- Don't put things off for too long. If you decide to do something, then it is better to do it as soon as possible, since most likely later it will either not be completed very soon or will be completely forgotten.
Habits for a career
- Start a blog. Blogs are one of the best ways to have your say. It doesn't have to be on a specific topic, a personal blog works well.
- Create a portfolio. If your work creates things, a portfolio is a great way to show what you're capable of. You can also distribute things for free if it applies to you and your work.
Original article available
There are always plenty of reasons to start life from scratch. For example, you ended an unhealthy and humiliating relationship and now want to turn the page and forget your ex-partner like a bad dream. Or perhaps you are not satisfied with the current state of affairs and dream of moving to another country. The French psychological encyclopedia of useful tips for all occasions offers a universal sequence of actions.
Stage 1. Make a decision
1. Identify your motives
Think carefully about the reasons that prompt you to make drastic changes in your life. Some of them will be more significant, some less.
For example, you are left alone in an empty house for the first time in many years: the children have grown up and moved away. In this case, the desire to rebuild your life is completely natural. You no longer have to take care of children, it's time to think about yourself.
But maybe you want to change your life to protect yourself from unpleasant experiences. In this case, external changes are unlikely to help, because they will not solve your internal problems. Emotional baggage will follow you anywhere in the world. Before you try to start a new life, you need to deal with it.
2. Analyze all recent important events in your life
What has happened to you lately? Wedding, death of a family member, loss of a friend or job, significant change in financial or health status, moving, pregnancy?
All of these events may have deeply affected your emotions. Some of them made you happier, others caused you a lot of stress and anxiety.
If you've recently gone through something like this, it might be wiser to hold off on making a big decision.
Especially when it comes to the death of a loved one. Give yourself time to get over your grief. Mourning is a necessary stage without which you will not be able to survive the traumatic event. There is no need to rush to forget everything and move on.
To successfully start a new life, it is necessary to revise old habits. Make sure that the changes you expect are based on worthy motives and not on a desire to escape from the past. After all, in the end, running away does not solve problems.
Maybe you are used to ignoring conflicts and problems? What is your first reaction to a stressful situation? Do you stick to your beliefs, goals and plans during difficult times?
4. Look at your value scale
Values are your beliefs about yourself, others and life in general. They are like a road map of your life's journey.
Before you make a decision that will completely change the course of your life, it is worth reconsidering your values. Only by understanding what you really want can you determine your priorities.
Ask yourself a few questions. For example, about two people you admire. Which of their qualities command your respect? Why? How might this affect your own life? Listen to what these people have to say and identify the topics that inspire you most or make you want to take action.
The answers to these questions will help you understand your own values: ambition, desire for new things, attitude towards social justice, etc.
Don't forget that there are no high or low personal values. One may value flexibility, while another may value stability most. Both choices are correct if they are definitely yours and not imposed from the outside! The question is to understand who you really are and live in accordance with your true aspirations.
5. Determine the scale of the desired changes
For some, starting a new life may mean moving house, new friends, a new job, etc. For others, it may be changing old habits and lifestyles.
Think about why you are unhappy or disappointed. To change the status quo, is global change necessary, or is it smarter to focus on one or two issues?
Don't forget: if you start small and build up the pace, you have a much greater chance of success than if you try to become a different person right here and now.
6. Practice improving your self
Imagine your life at a certain point in the future in every detail.
- What will your environment be like?
- Where will you live?
- What are you going to do?
- What to feel?
Try to create as clear a picture as possible.
Let's say you are a famous musician, you have your own band and you tour various countries with performances.
Now think about it what strengths and skills are needed to achieve your goal.
- What do you already have?
- What do you lack knowledge about?
Be as honest with yourself as possible.
For example, if you like the profession of a musician, do you have at least a slight inclination towards it or do you just like the idea itself?
Be realistic about your future. Obviously, you can't become Superman even if you set your mind to it.
But if a superhero story aligns with your values, who's stopping you from being inspired by his example? For example, if you like Superman's desire for justice, you can also fulfill this mission by working as a policeman or judge. Are you attracted to your character's physical strength? In this case, you can improve your fitness by joining a gym. Or even later become a coach and help other people get into sports.
7. Set goals
As Lao Tzu said, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” The first step of your journey is to identify the steps it will take to change your life.
Plan what you will do in six months, a year, three years, five years, ten years, twenty years or more.
Set yourself clear, realistic, reasonable goals and limit the time for yourself to achieve them.
Start by identifying the main goal, then break it down into smaller ones and turn them into specific tactical objectives.
Let's say you want to fight for justice, so you decide to become a police officer. By making this decision, you have simply identified your main goal. To achieve it you must implement many intermediate ones:
- improve your physical fitness to pass physical entrance tests;
- make inquiries about how to get into the police academy, etc.
When setting goals, make sure you are as specific and precise as possible.
Stage 2. Start the change
To start a new life, you may need to change many aspects of your life: physique, emotions, place of residence, social status, financial situation, profession, etc.
1. Determine the scope of change
For significant change, the list of goals and tactical objectives can be very long. But if your goal is limited, for example, solely to finding a new job, there may be much fewer points.
2. Create a plan to change your appearance.
For some, improving health or fitness is a new start in life. The good news is that bodily changes are usually not too difficult to implement. Develop healthy habits, lose extra pounds, strengthen muscles - all this can be done realistically by discussing with your doctor what measures will suit you best.
Express yourself through the way you dress. Your clothes convey to others your attitude towards yourself, and they perceive you in the same way. Change your image in accordance with the picture of yourself in the future that you drew in your head, and it will be easier to achieve your goal.
3. Deal with emotional baggage
This step may take some time. Keep in mind that this is an ongoing process that lasts a lifetime.
By changing your behavior and learning to manage your emotions, you can get rid of excess burden and look at the world from a different angle.
Here are some ideas to help you in this endeavor.
Keep a gratitude journal. Learn to be grateful for what you have, and at the same time learn to adapt to changes faster, improve your physical condition and even the quality of your sleep, become more satisfied with life and be able to overcome the consequences of some traumatic events.
Farewell. Forgiveness frees you from the burden of painful and destructive situations in which you have lived. You forgive others for your own sake. You need forgiveness first of all - it helps you cope with anger and anxiety.
Wear mourning. Allow yourself to “mourn” and experience the grief of loss as much as you need, do not try to speed it up for the sake of public opinion. The period of mourning is absolutely normal and requires time and patience. Recognize that your grief deserves your full attention.
Take care of yourself. Recognize that you have needs just like everyone else, and meeting them is not selfish, but necessary. You don't have to accept every invitation or respond to every request. It's okay to take time just for yourself.
4. Consider a change of scenery
A change of environment, be it a new job, a new circle of friends or a new place of residence, teaches greater independence and flexibility. By breaking out of your routine, you improve your performance and increase your chances of success.
5. Conduct an audit of your environment
If your environment demoralizes you, it will be difficult to start a new happy life. Perhaps, after honestly assessing how the people around you influence you, you will decide to no longer communicate with some of them for your own safety and peace of mind.
How to understand that a person is showing hidden hostility towards you:
Surround yourself with people from whom you find the understanding, respect and love you deserve.
6. Get your relationships in order
Don't hesitate to leave an unhealthy relationship that doesn't bring you happiness. This will start you on the path to a new, happier and healthier life.
Here are some ideas how to leave a toxic relationship:
- Talk to the person frankly. In some cases, he may not understand that he is causing you pain or stress. Be open and honest and try to understand whether he is ready to compromise. If not, he has no business being in your life.
- Evaluate the benefits of the relationship. Of course, it is one thing to refuse communication with an unpleasant neighbor and quite another to cut off all ties with your parents. Before you end a relationship, see if it brings you something you need, even if it is full of difficulties and negativity. Conversely, just because a relationship is enjoyable does not necessarily mean it is beneficial for you.
- Prioritize relationships that make you happy. Make a list of people who can help you and bring the happiness and harmony you strive for. Strengthen these relationships.
- Stop communication. If you decide that the relationship is unhealthy for you, tell the person that you have decided to end it. You no longer have to maintain communication: neither talk to this person, nor contact him on social networks, nor even think about him.
7. Get your finances sorted
Even if your work experience is more than 30 years, and your income has not changed significantly in recent years, it is never too late to change your financial situation.
First, determine why you need money. Are you saving for real estate? Do you want to create a financial cushion for retirement? Or are you planning to open your own business? Or maybe you just want to learn how to manage your finances and stop wasting money?
The first step is to determine exactly what property and income you have. This will help you make the right financial decisions. You may need to seek advice from a financial expert.
8. Up the career ladder
A new job is a great opportunity to create a new you. Many continue to hold on to unloved and boring jobs. Although changes in the professional sphere are favorable for starting a new life, like nothing else.
Take into account your skills and current abilities. What are your qualifications? What area is it in? In what ways are you superior to others?
For example, you are a sociable person, what motivates you most is communicating with people, but your current job does not give you this opportunity. So something needs to change!
Don't limit yourself to your current professional field. It's never too late to find your calling!
Let's say you decide to become a psychotherapist or teacher so you can constantly have contact with other people. The issue can be resolved by obtaining additional education.
Reconsider failures. Instead of focusing on past mistakes, consider the lessons you learned from them. They are the ones who will help you achieve success in the future.
Set your career goals wisely. This means that your goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely. Determine where you want to be in six months, one year, five years. Identify ways that will help you succeed.
9. Consult others
When you have a clear idea of what kind of life you want to start, it is useful to consult with people who already lead such a lifestyle. Ask questions about difficulties so you can immediately take off your rose-colored glasses and be ready for real challenges.
10. Get support
Starting a new life is always difficult. Surround yourself with people who love, respect, and are willing to help you. Often, not only close people, but also religious communities and support groups can become a support point.
Stage 3. Stay happy
1. Monitor your progress
Dedication to an idea and patience can work wonders. But the transition period can be exhausting and challenging. Be vigilant and track your progress.
It is useful to keep a diary. It will help you better understand your emotions and weaknesses.
Keep in mind that often radical changes in life cause depression. If you often feel sadness and emptiness, are despondent or desperate, if you have stopped enjoying previously loved activities, have a feeling of anxiety or a tendency to self-deprecation, seek help from a specialist.
2. Adapt as you go.
Starting a new and exciting career does not mean the end of a boring and uninteresting relationship. Moving to a new city doesn't mean you'll never miss your old home.
The path to change is not easy. When faced with difficulties, it is important to recognize them and adapt your plan to the changed situation.
3. If necessary, consult a psychotherapist
Even if you are sure that everything will be fine, it is often useful to simply consult with a psychotherapist if you are planning to fundamentally change your life.
Many people believe that this therapy is only suitable for patients with serious problems. In reality, it's more like a routine visit to the dentist to remove plaque. While you're dealing with minor problems, it's worth addressing them before they lead to tooth decay. A visit to a psychotherapist should not be considered a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a sign that you care enough about yourself.
Have a detailed plan, enlist support and, most importantly, do not put everything off until later - and you will succeed!
These habits may not be a magic pill for your success, but they will make your life much easier and help you get more pleasure from life.
1. Get up early
For most owls, this probably won't sound very inviting. However, most successful women wake up early (5:00 - 6:00), even if they start work at 9:00. They need this time to be alone with themselves, plan the day, leisurely soak in the shower and do morning beauty treatments for skin and hair care.
2. Do fitness
It is better to do this also in the morning. This gives you a boost of energy for the whole day and charges you with endorphins. You can combine a morning jog with walking the dog.
3. Maintain strict discipline in daily affairs
This will reduce anxiety about how the day will go and help you keep up with everything you plan. However, there should be room for spontaneity. And this is much easier to do if you know that the “obligatory program” of tasks for the day will not fall apart from impromptu.
4. Combine things
Success comes where time and energy are used rationally. Think about how you can optimize your time. For example, children can eat healthy breakfasts from thermoses in the car on the way to school, and you can listen to lectures in the car.
5. Learn to say “no”
The art of saying “no” clearly, firmly and with dignity is one of the most important skills in life and business. It will free you from unnecessary tasks and help you maintain a balance between the interests of other people and your own.
6. Delegate responsibilities
Let the husband pick up the dry cleaning, let the children buy groceries, let a nanny or grandmother look after the child, and let the house help clean the apartment. This will not mean at all that you are a bad mother and housewife. Delegation frees up a lot of time, which can be devoted, for example, to communication between loved ones.
7. Reserve weekends exclusively for family relaxation and socializing.
Don't plan any mandatory activities or workouts. Allow yourself and your family to relax without schedules, at a relaxed pace. You can go to the countryside - this will recharge you for the week ahead.
8. Create your own sanctuary
This could be yoga classes, a manicure, a visit to a psychologist - anything, even if you decide to just lie on the couch watching a TV series with treats. But this is the time that belongs only to you, and when you can gain strength and good emotions.
9. Don't forget about your friends
Communication with friends is vital. It brings joy and positive emotions, supports an active social life.
10. Get enough sleep
Set a sleep schedule for yourself and your children. Firstly, a sufficient amount of sleep is the key to high productivity and success. Secondly, children must go to bed earlier than their parents so that they have time to be alone. This strengthens relationships and the microclimate in the family. And what can contribute to success more than a reliable family support?
11. Don't hold back your emotions, both good and bad.
Expressing emotions is good for your health. You may argue that why express bad feelings, it’s better to only express good ones. Alas, as psychologists say, this is inseparable; if you freeze one part, then the second will cease to be expressed.
Photo in text: depositphotos
It often happens that a person seeking to change his life focuses only on certain areas of life and neglects others.
For example, if he is interested in finding himself and self-realization, he may not think about physical development. If he is interested in his figure or personal life, he may not remember about his career or finances, etc.
But, as practice shows, this approach is a mistake.
In order to achieve results in any area of life, you must not forget about both the entire personal strategy and those specific areas that seem unimportant to you, but in fact play a significant role. This is the only way to solve a specific issue and change your life in general.
If you don't know where to start, start by improving your appearance.
Here's what a famous plastic surgeon and psychiatrist says:
❝When you change a person's face, you almost always change their future. By changing his idea of his appearance, in almost all cases you change the person himself - his individual qualities, behavior - and sometimes even talents and abilities❞
This statement applies not only to a radical remake of oneself through plastic surgery, but also to all positive changes in appearance. Having lost five kilograms or getting a new hairstyle, you begin to perceive yourself differently, feel more confident and attractive.
Analyze your habits
The next point is habits. Our habits are the basis of our character. Remember the famous aphorism of Aristotle, which is familiar to many from childhood:
❝If you sow a thought, you will reap an action; sow an action, you reap a habit; sow a habit and reap a character; sow character, reap destiny❞.
Habits are patterns of our behavior that control our lives. Are we really going to let them decide everything for us, following their lead?
Method: Carefully analyze each of your habits and their impact on your life. Eliminate those that interfere with your success, replace them with new, healthy habits.
For those who really decided to work on themselves, I offer the Success Diary - a classic diary with applications for achieving success and working on yourself
4. Conditioned reflexes
It was not for nothing that the scientist Pavlov tortured dogs: conditioned reflexes are the basis of the foundations. With this key you can create any habit you need.
Method: Repeated actions with reinforcement develop new skills and habits. When a new skill is consolidated, it will go into the subconscious and you will do everything automatically, unloading your brain for new achievements.
Reward yourself for success or deprive yourself of something if you deviate from your plan to change yourself. Let your new quality be necessary and desirable for you.
5. Eradication
What cannot be converted into a plus, simply eradicate it.
How to identify your negative qualities and how to see yourself from the outside, read the article. There you can download a table of negative human characteristics.
6. Double life
The technique is suitable for developing new character traits and more significant changes in oneself.
Method: Imagine yourself as you want to be. Rehearse the new role in your mind over and over again. To be more convincing, buy things that will help you get into character and highlight your new qualities. Wear them only for your second life.
Your surroundings are unlikely to immediately accept the new you, so communicate with those who don’t know you! Practice your new qualities on them. How much will they believe in your image? And if something doesn’t work out, you can always change the place and environment and try again.
7. Use your imagination
The experiment proved that if a person spends a certain period of time every day in front of a target, imagining himself throwing darts at it, then his results will improve to the same extent as if he actually threw darts at the target every day.
Mental imagery allows us to “practice” new relationships and character traits that would otherwise be unattainable. Our nervous system is not able to distinguish reality from what our imagination has vividly depicted. When we imagine ourselves doing something in a particular way, it is almost the same as actually doing it. Mental practice helps achieve perfection.
Method: Every day in the morning and before going to bed, mentally imagine yourself as you strive to be. How you speak, how you move, what you wear, how you react to situations. Do this over and over again. This mental picture will have a strong influence on your behavior. And remember, how you see yourself from the inside largely determines how others see you.
8. Shock
If you want to change yourself but still don't find enough motivation to start, let failure be your motivation.
Method: Associate with people who will openly despise you. Use other people's ridicule to your advantage. Prove to them that you can be better, more beautiful, smarter. This method has never failed.
9. Alien
Often we behave like pigs with our loved ones. We are rude, we neglect them and do not respect them at all. Whereas with strangers we are completely different, especially with bosses. If you want to change your behavior, try this method.
Method: imagine in the place of your father or mother a complete stranger to you, whom you want to impress. Treat them like a boss on whom your salary depends. Try to look at them detachedly, as if you are seeing them for the first time.
10. Tune in
Method: change your environment and communicate with the people you want to be like. Adopt their habits, their way of thinking. In every book on achieving success, communication with successful people is a must, how does it work?
During communication with another person, we tune in to his wavelength - to the mentality of the interlocutor and his worldview. Without this, communication is impossible. As a result of this adjustment, we temporarily change our ideas, stereotypes of thinking and behavior to those of others. And the more often this happens, that is, the more often we communicate, the more we adopt, until someone else’s picture of the world becomes ours.
11. Cold shower of the “future”
When you really grow up and think about the future, you suddenly realize that it’s time to get rid of many habits and character traits. The thought that you will soon have to build a new life with your family is sobering. I no longer want to waste money, be unnecessary, or drink all night with friends.
Method: Think about the future and the life you want to have, and you will understand for yourself how to change and what habits to eradicate.
But I want to warn you - Don't take on too much. Innate temperament is difficult to change.
An introvert (a self-absorbed person), of course, can change and become its opposite - an extrovert. But he will very soon get tired of this “role” and will be unhappy, being in the public eye, secretly wanting to be alone with himself and his thoughts. There will be a feeling of emptiness. It arises from a loss of energy, because introverts draw it within themselves, and only spend it in communication with others. It becomes clear that leading such a life for a long time is difficult and exhausting.
Be sure to record your victories and defeats in a Success Diary, which is definitely worth starting if you are focused on getting serious results.
Or maybe you don’t need to change?
Find your circle where you will be accepted for who you are and where you will be happy. Everyone has their own value system and it is quite possible that your dream is to change and become more popular, successful, etc. will not bring the desired joy.
Or sublimate your energy into creativity. How can this incomprehensible Freudian term help us? The fact that we can redirect dissatisfaction with ourselves, life, and others into creativity, using the protective mechanisms of our psyche.
Leonardo da Vinci, the great painter, scientist and engineer, did just that. Whatever he undertook, he brought it to perfection. However, it is reliably known that he had no interest in sex. A similar sublimation can be seen in many creative people. They simply cannot create when they are happy.
Sublimate (redirect) your energy and desires into creativity and new hobbies. Are you a bespectacled person with a bad figure and therefore have difficulties with the opposite sex? There are two ways out - to change by working on yourself: exhausting training plus pickup courses. Or, find your life’s passion and create. We miss your talent so much!
As you change yourself, don’t forget to change the space around you. Tidy up your cluttered apartment and change your wardrobe, how to do it easily and quickly - in Erin Doland's motivating book “Simplify Your Life” ().
Fragment of a lecture by S.I. Kronin, 2002, MoscowI regularly say that changing your life means changing your lifestyle. What do you think “lifestyle” is?
This is your idea of what a “correct life” is - moreover, these are your personal ideas of how to live correctly. Based on how a person lives, you evaluate him as good or bad, successful or unsuccessful - and you yourself strive to conform to your own idea of what is right. If you succeed, you are happy, if not, you suffer. These are your ideas - and only yours, no one else's. These are not the ideas of your neighbor, not your subordinate, and, you might be surprised, not even your household. Where do these ideas come from? From everyday life - from those things that you are used to doing constantly, without which you cannot imagine your existence - the implementation of which is natural for you. When you usually do them, you don’t even think about who needs it and why, and why these particular things need to be done and why they need to be done this way. Yes, it’s just a habit of filling your every day with the usual things for you - and nothing more.
And it turns out that the habits developed over the years determine your worldview - your idea of how to live correctly. We can say that all your thoughts and worries constantly revolve around how to stay in the usual circle of affairs.
You know, what’s most disgusting about these habits is that you are unable to change anything in your life. It's out of your control. If it were one or more habits - for example, falling asleep at ten o'clock, always arriving on time or being late - then it would be easy to change them. But the trouble is that each of us has thousands of these habits. And in most cases, we don’t even know about their existence - we just blindly follow them. These thousands of habits that we do not notice in ourselves are tightly intertwined and one habit follows from a dozen others. They are closely intertwined, connected, compressed. As soon as you want to change at least something, the very minimum, hundreds of people connected with it will come to the defense of the habit you don’t like. In the end, everything returns to normal - everything remains the same. There is even a phrase that “every person says that he controls his life, every second person says that he will change his life - but personally, I don’t know anyone who has really changed something”; Unfortunately, I don’t remember the author of the phrase.
So it turns out that we do not control our lives, but the habits that we created. By the way, what do you think a person thinks about most of the time? About how, and it’s even offensive, how to keep your habits unchanged. Only he himself believes that he is solving some important issues, doing something - creating something important. Yes, he doesn’t solve anything and doesn’t create anything! It’s just that something is constantly changing around him, something is happening - something is constantly influencing him, interfering in his life, spoiling his plans. That is, external conditions are constantly changing. And when changes happen around you, it becomes more difficult to perform your usual actions. Then the person reacts to these changes and reorganizes the situation around him so that he feels comfortable again - that is, so that his habits do not “scream.” And when habits “scream”, this is reflected in a person with anxiety, physical and moral discomfort - that is, a person feels disgusting both morally, psychologically and, often, physically. If something around has changed a lot, the person feels very bad; has changed a little - it’s just unpleasant. And accordingly, a person either solves the problem that has arisen in a rush and emergency mode, or simply normalizes something. If he cannot normalize the changes, then his self-esteem falls, hopelessness sets in, and he becomes depressed.
In fact, until a person breaks out of the power of habits, he is doomed to live not the way he wants - but to constantly fend off the changes taking place around him. You know, such a life is in a state of continuous defense. Maybe some people like it - all their lives just fending off external events - but personally I think it’s stupid to live such a life. If only because while you are fighting back, you are not taking care of yourself: you cannot be yourself. To the question of what it means to be yourself - first, get out of the state of “defender of the fortress.” Until this happens, the very topic of “being yourself and living your life” is meaningless - so, the general theory.
So, there is no way out, a person is doomed to be a servant of his habits? Of course not. In order to change something in life, habits cannot be changed one by one - but they can be changed at once - all at once. No, you can change one habit, but it won’t do anything overall. And if we have already said that lifestyle is the sum of all habits, then we need to change our lifestyle.
A person’s lifestyle can be described as follows: “a person woke up when the alarm clock rang, stretched, but remembered that he had to hurry, was afraid that he was late - he fussed and jumped up... The room was cool and the house slippers had disappeared somewhere, the floor was cold and it was unpleasant and he immediately remembered his boss... The car didn’t start the first time, and he thought again that he needed to buy a new one..." and so on... Writers describe their lifestyle well. And all this must be changed at once.
After. The question is that a person is striving for something or dreams of buying himself something fundamentally new - a car, an apartment, etc. It is necessary to understand that a person will always have enough money to support his existing lifestyle. To a homeless person for food and drink, to a family man to feed his family, to a millionaire for a new helicopter. But to acquire something that is not an obligatory and integral part of life is almost impossible, extremely difficult and requires a colossal investment of effort. Why? But because the introduction of something into your usual way of life that you did not have before is a threat to habits - the old way of life. And so the man stands in a certain position: on the one hand, he really wants his own apartment, and on the other hand, he really doesn’t want to change anything in his habits. You may ask, “What does a new car have to do with lifestyle?” There is no direct one - but the indirect one is colossal.
Well, imagine. You are an ordinary employee and have driven a Zhiguli all your life. We communicated with colleagues, especially did not visit “party places”, and dressed normally. In general, they lived simply - like everyone else. But you really wanted a brand new BMW. The first thing you will encounter is that it is somehow strange to drive in such a car in an old gray jacket. We need to change clothes. They changed their clothes - but it’s stupid to be well dressed and drive such a car without anyone seeing it. I want others to admire me. Clubs, hangouts, and new acquaintances appear in life. This already requires an increase in income. You are no longer satisfied with your old job - and you are forced to change it. At your new job, they perceive you based on your clothes - that you have big claims and treat you accordingly. And they no longer perceive you as just an employee—kind, naive and sweet—but suspect you to be a “shark.” Therefore, you simply cannot take a position - but you are forced to manage something: the end of a quiet life... And so on.
Usually a person doesn’t even know about such a chain of upcoming events - he just wants a “new car” until he foams at the mouth. And his unconscious - that is, unconsciously - already feels that there will be changes. And all his habits begin to resist his desire. And here, by the way, he comes into conflict with his own ideas about how a person should live correctly - who is good and lives correctly, and who is bad and lives incorrectly. For a person’s worldview, acquiring a new one means that as a result he will begin to live incorrectly - that is, according to all previous life experience, he will become bad. That is, he is afraid of himself, or more precisely, of his ideas and desires.
Therefore, most likely, if a person buys a new car, it will be of the same class as the previous one. That is, he will exchange the “awk for soap”, but at least a new “soap”.
Therefore, if you really want something that you didn’t have before, you need to build a lifestyle in such a way that the presence of this “accessory” will be integral and necessary. That is, it’s clear: if you want a country cottage, change your entire lifestyle to suit it. Moreover, an interesting point: if you previously did not have enough money even for a hut, then by some miracle - when you change your lifestyle model - the money will “fall on your head.” As for cottages, by the way, we had examples: instead of the five planned years, they were completed in six months - something happened successfully and money for construction appeared by itself; no one did anything special, no one strained themselves - and money was brought in by the most ordinary things that a person had done before. Luck, lucky? – no: competent formation of a new model of a new way of life. Luck is a lottery where one in a million wins; In our country, such “miracles” happen regularly – they are the norm. If such a “miracle” did not happen, then a mistake was made in the formation of a lifestyle model and it needs to be corrected.
That is, without having anything yet, change the entire system of habitual actions for the future: that is, in existing conditions, create an embryo of how you will live in the future. To create the embryo of the future - a new lifestyle model - means, in a minimal context, to change the worldview. But that's another topic...
I explain this to those who are trying, without changing anything in life, to bring something radically new to life.
By the way, for example, what is a family conflict when a husband nags his wife to dress more flamboyantly, and her husband’s wife nags her that the car “does not match”? So this is a conflict of lifestyles: the wife wants to live one way, and the husband another - and everyone wants to fit their other half into their idea of how to live correctly. The reasons for similar conflicts at work, at home, in society are similar. There was once a moment when a husband placed a meaningless poster with products from his wife’s company in his personal account. It was his office, his company - he had the right. A companion came to see him - he generally meant that he had no relationship in this man’s office and had no right to evaluate anything. So, this companion had a hysteria... Before that, no matter what our man did, no matter how strange he was with the furnishings of his office, the companion was indifferent to everything. And then the poster caused hysterics. Why? But because he so internally disagreed with the way of life this poster “promoted” that a defensive chain reaction was launched to protect his own ideas about the right life - his way of life. And the reason for the violent reaction is the fear that something might change...