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How to deal with negative people

What is the main determinant of happiness?

The answer to this question, as you probably already know, is not wealth, fame, beauty or power. Our sense of happiness is determined by how other people, especially our loved ones—friends, family members, colleagues—treat us. When your loved ones treat you well, you simply cannot help but feel happy, but if they treat you poorly or avoid communicating with you, you are doomed to unhappiness.

The reason our happiness depends so much on the quality of our relationships with others is because humans are first and foremost social creatures. And if you look around, you can find a lot of evidence of this. It is very important for us to know what others think of us, and, as my own observations show, we are much more willing to agree to experience something unpleasant (for example, watching a bad movie) in the company of others who share our negative attitude towards it than to experience something pleasant (for example, watch a good movie) in the company of people who disagree with us. Our social nature also explains why falling in love with another person is the most precious experience of our lives and why isolation, the extreme form of which is solitary confinement, is considered by those who have experienced it to be the most severe test.

All this explains why it is so painfully difficult for us to communicate and interact with negative people - people who constantly spoil our mood with their pessimism, anxiety and mistrust. Imagine being constantly prevented from pursuing your dreams because “only a few succeed at it.” Or imagine being constantly discouraged from learning something new—like scuba diving or horseback riding—because it’s “too dangerous.” Imagine constantly hearing negative things about other people (for example, “I can’t believe you told your neighbors you failed your driving test—now they’ll never respect you!”) If you regularly experience this kind of negative influence, This can greatly affect your pool of positivity, which in turn will cause you to either join the ranks of negative people or become indifferent or even rude towards negative people in your environment.

How should you behave with negative people?

One obvious solution is to simply not communicate with them. But this is easier said than done. We can always easily stop talking to a grumpy bartender or an airline executive who has trouble managing his anger, but we can't just turn away and stop talking to our parents, siblings, spouses, coworkers, or friends.

A more practical approach to dealing with such people is to first try to understand the reasons for their negative attitude. In short, a negative attitude almost always has its roots in one of three deep-seated fears: fear of being disrespected by others, fear of being unloved, and fear of something bad happening. These fears continuously feed each other, and as a result, a person gripped by them comes to the conclusion that “the world around us is very dangerous, and most people are bad.”

A person gripped by such fears finds it difficult to believe in the need to follow his dreams (after all, he is guaranteed to fail along this path) and take risks, even if this is necessary for personal growth and development. It is also easy to understand why people who are captive of these fears find it very difficult to trust others.

The fears that underlie a negative worldview manifest themselves in a wide variety of forms:

Vulnerability or a tendency to be offended by other people’s comments: for example, the phrase “you look great today” evokes an exclusively negative reaction: “So yesterday I looked bad?”

Categoricalism or the tendency to invest negative motivation in the completely innocent actions of other people: for example, guests who do not praise the hostess’s treat are regarded as “uncouth rude people who do not deserve invitations in the future.”

Diffidence. We are talking about a feeling of helplessness, an inability to cope with the trials that we encounter along the path of life, which leads to severe anxiety when faced with such trials and to feelings of shame and guilt if a person avoids these trials.

Demanding: Although negative people feel acutely insecure about their own abilities, they often persistently demand special achievements from their loved ones so that “I can be proud of you.”

Pessimism or the tendency to believe that the future is bleak and hopeless. For example, negative people are much more willing to imagine how and why an important commercial visit might go wrong than vice versa.

Avoidance of risks, especially in matters of a social nature. This leads to a reluctance to disclose information that “could be used against me” and, as a result, boring conversations and superficial relationships.
. The desire to control the behavior of other people, especially loved ones. For example, negative people make strict demands on how their children should eat, what kind of car they should buy, and so on.

It is worth noting that all of the above manifestations of negativity have one thing in common, namely the tendency to blame external factors - other people, the environment or “luck” - rather than oneself and one’s negative attitude towards the world. Negative people often think, “If only people knew what I was capable of, if only people were kinder to me, if the world wasn’t full of dangers, and if only my friends, colleagues, and family treated me the way I should.” I would like that, I would be happy!”

At first glance, it may seem rather paradoxical that negative people experience self-doubt and at the same time consider themselves entitled to demand respect and love from others. It may also seem quite paradoxical that negatively minded people look with pessimism at their own future and at the same time demand success from others. However, in reality there is no paradox here. This happens because negative people do not feel respected and loved, do not feel that they themselves are able to control their lives, and therefore demand love and respect from others and strive to control everything around them.

If you look at negative people from this point of view, it becomes clear that their negativity is an almost undisguised cry for help. Of course, these people are not helping themselves by showing their plight and their desire to control everyone - they would be much more successful in trying to win love, respect and control if they realized that showing their plight and desire to control everyone is doomed to failure. — but the fact remains: negative people need help.

An obvious but ultimately counterproductive way to help these people is to give them the love, respect, and control they crave. However, this can be a very slippery slope because over time people adapt to new conditions, and soon those around them will be forced to show even more love, respect and give these people even more control in order to make them happy. In other words, by fulfilling their wishes, you may be creating a Frankenstein who will come back to haunt you with renewed vigor.

An alternative solution is to force negative people to find the sources of their negativity and understand that their negativity is more a reflection of their attitude towards the world than an objective state of affairs. Meanwhile, as I already wrote in my other article, people are rarely able to adequately respond to critical statements, and those who are negatively disposed most likely will not listen to them at all, let alone take them into account.

This leaves you with only three options. First, you can grit your teeth, face that negativity, and hope that the person standing in front of you will change someday. The second option is to try to find a professional counselor or mediator (for example, a mutual friend) and hope that a “third party” opinion will help the person understand that their negativity is not helping anyone.

However, these two options most likely will not solve the underlying problem. In the first case, when you grit your teeth and hope that the negative person will eventually begin to perceive the world around him in a positive way, your passivity can serve as evidence that his negativity is justified. Over time, this will lead to growing and tightening demands on you and, if you are unable to meet these demands, to new complaints against you.

One of the arguments against the second option is that negative people often tend to avoid solving the problem, hiding behind indignation and the perceived injustice of claims - “everyone around, even my best friends, is against me!” Even if a third party can show a negative person that his worldview is unproductive, this is unlikely to change the situation. This happens because recognizing the problem alone is not enough to solve it: this requires changing the subconscious thinking patterns that underlie negative worldviews.

This brings us to the third and, from my point of view, the most reasonable option for behavior in a society of negatively minded people. In short, this option involves three elements: empathy for the negative person, taking responsibility for your own happiness regardless of the negative attitude of your loved one, and maturity in your relationship with the negative person.

Empathy rarely, if ever, involves giving a negative person advice to change his or her behavior. It also completely eliminates reading lectures about the sources of their negativity. As I wrote above, most of us are not ready to listen to negative and critical statements - this is especially true for negative people. It can be quite difficult for you not to react to such a person, especially if their negativity gets under your skin. However, remember that if you express everything to his face, this will not help solve the problem, but will only make it worse. It's also worth remembering that while you only have to deal with a negative person occasionally, they have to deal with themselves all the time! This thought can help you feel compassion for such a person.

The second element—taking responsibility for your own positivity—suggests that you do whatever it takes to protect your own happiness. If you are unable to maintain a positive attitude and calmness, then all is lost. In one of my articles, I gave some tips on how you can take responsibility for your happiness. In short, this involves starting to think more positively about the world around you, but this may not be enough if you have to constantly deal with negativity: you may need regular breaks from and interaction with a negative person in order to remain calm. Of course, if you want to take regular breaks from him, you'll have to come up with a plausible explanation - you don't want your loved one to think that you're avoiding him.

The third element, maturity, involves understanding that the most effective way to put such a person in a positive mood is to become the embodiment of a positive attitude. For example, blaming a negative person for making you see the world around you in dark colors will not help. Imagine the irony of telling someone to “stop blaming others for your negative worldview,” while blaming them for bringing you down.

How can you show your positive attitude towards the world in such a way as to force a negative person to adopt it, without stooping to lectures and moralizing?

To do this, you need to learn - as much as possible - to behave like a person who is absolutely safe. That is, to behave like a person whom other people love and respect and who controls all important aspects of the lives of those around him. This means: do not let the negativity of others interfere with your natural desire to make your dreams come true, do not be afraid to take justifiable risks, trust other people. However, you should not do all this just to annoy a negative person or prove to him that you are right. It is best to behave naturally, so that spontaneity, a positive attitude and trust in relation to other people become your integral features. Then, if a negative person allows himself to make a skeptical or cynical remark - and he will certainly make one - take the opportunity to explain to him why you act the way you do.

For example, if such a person warns you that your pursuit of a dream is pointless, let him know that you perceive your chances of success differently, or tell him that you would rather try and fail than give up on your dream altogether. If a negative person warns you of the disastrous consequences of taking what you consider a justifiable risk, respond calmly: “Well, we’ll see what happens.” Let's hope that as a result of this risky venture you will not incur any losses and gain new valuable experience. Over time, the negative person will have to accept that although you are much more risk-averse, you are not reckless. Finally, if a negative person chastises you for trusting people too much, ask him to remind you of times when others took advantage of your trust to your detriment. (Let's hope there were very few or no such cases, because if not, the negative person may be right in saying that you are overly trusting.) You can also feel free to point to research findings: to form lasting and deep relationships , you need to trust your loved ones. (Let's hope that you can boast of a closer friendship than your interlocutor, who perceives the world around him in a negative way.)

Although it may take you a long time to see any results, eventually they will appear. Change will happen at an extremely slow pace, but once it happens, it will stick for a long time. The truth is that people enjoy being around positive people, so even a negative person will sooner or later appreciate your positive attitude towards the world. People also really like to experience positive emotions. Therefore, if a negative person absorbs your positivity in your presence, at some point he will begin to value himself more, and this in turn will lead to the fact that he will begin to trust others more and look into the future with greater optimism.

As you've probably realized by now, dealing with negative people requires humility. The fact that you find it difficult to overcome others' negativity proves that you have seeds of negativity within yourself. If you didn't feel drained by the negativity of others—if you had absolute confidence in yourself—you wouldn't find the company of negative people so repulsive. Understanding that you need to work on yourself to cope with your own negativity, while helping others in their struggles with a negative outlook, will help you gain the ability to empathize, think positively, and the maturity necessary to carry out this difficult but a very necessary task.

A person’s environment directly affects his personal growth. If he is surrounded by negative individuals with pessimistic views, then even the most optimistic person will lose his zest for life. Therefore, it is necessary to clearly understand who surrounds you.

Identifying the Negative Environment

It is very easy to understand that your friend is negatively influencing you. To do this, you need to look at a person based on a number of criteria.
1. If after communicating with someone you feel depressed and experience negative emotions, this is a clear sign of the negative impact of your interlocutor on you. This happens when your friend constantly complains about life, work, family or neighbor. For such people, it doesn’t matter how good everything is - they will always find something negative.
2. Envy. Constant envy on the part of your friend will make you feel ashamed of your own achievements. This feeling will slow you down on the path to achieving new heights and have an extremely negative impact on personal development. The most striking examples of envious statements can be considered: “I wish I could do that,” “But I’m not so lucky.”
3. A friend’s lack of ambition will also hinder your personal development. Telling such a person about your plans will not receive support or approval. Only calls to quit this stupid idea. Over time, you will lose the desire for anything.
4. If a person remembers you only in a difficult situation. If someone calls you only to solve personal problems, you should think about your relationship with such a person. Communication with him will not affect your personal growth in any way. But you shouldn’t allow yourself to be exploited.

Why do we maintain negative relationships?

There are many reasons for continuing to be friends with a person who negatively affects your personal development. But all these reasons are not worthy of the degradation of your personality.
1. Leaving your comfort zone. All people are psychologically afraid of change. This also applies to friendship (especially if the friend is close). Even realizing that friendship with a person only brings frustration, we are afraid to break off this relationship. Understanding the negative impact of relationships with this person and the desire to change the situation will help to cope with this problem.
2. Fear of loneliness. All people are social and everyone experiences the fear of loneliness. Often we hold on to relationships for fear of being alone. There is absolutely nothing to be afraid of in this situation. By breaking away from relationships that are weighing you down, you will become more cheerful. And, as a result, others will be more willing to communicate with you.
3. Feeling important. This problem is especially relevant when a negative person entrusts the solution to his problems to you. All people strive to feel needed and significant. When you solve all your friend's problems, you may get the impression that he cannot live without you, but this is self-deception. Of course, you need to help people, but it is better to help those who will appreciate your efforts and be grateful for your help.

Getting rid of negative influences

It is almost impossible to get rid of a person’s negative impact on your personality and maintain a relationship. As a rule, in such a situation, it will become difficult for a negative person to communicate with you and he will stop communicating. There are several ways to stop the negative impact on your personal growth:
1. If a person starts telling you how bad his life is or complaining about his employer, change the subject. Say you'd like to talk about something more pleasant. This will allow you not to experience negative emotions at the end of the conversation.
2. If you hear a remark of envy from your friend, tell us how you achieved the object of envy. Show the person that he, too, can get what he wants if he puts in the effort.
3. If you are asked for help that you cannot or do not want to provide (for any reason), try to politely refuse. Don't burden yourself with a false sense of duty.

Remember that personal development is a vital process. Don't let a negative environment slow down your personal growth.

Chapter 11 Negative Relationships

If a husband kills his husband, then brother takes revenge on brother, or son on father, or son on brother, or son on sister; if no one takes revenge, then 40 hryvnia for the person killed.

Russian truth, 1072

Life in the modern world requires much more rationality in the assessments, thoughts and actions of each person than it was in ancient times and the Middle Ages. The norms of blood feud gave way to more balanced relationships. Our ancestors already tried to regulate negative relationships between people with the help of laws and courts. Moreover, modern life requires this. There is a need for rationalization of interpersonal, business and social relationships, in which we should no longer rely only on our emotional impressions, because they are often incorrect and serve as the basis for the formation of prejudices. We see how suspicion and mistrust, anger and hatred eat away at the thin fabric of good relationships in the family, in the group and in society. But what are the reasons for the destruction of relationships, why do we like some people and actively dislike others, how to avoid negative emotions that negatively affect our entire lives? How to protect yourself from aggression, level it out, and even better, avoid conflict? How does the stream of aggression pouring on us from television screens affect people? To answer these questions, you need to understand the origins and causes of negative relationships.

Negative relationships have their own evolutionary history, which is based on the dichotomy “us – them,” as ancient as the world of people. Negative attitudes come in many forms, but many are based on feelings of prejudice. This feeling is familiar to people from their own experience - both in their relationship to others and of others in relation to them.

11.1. Prejudice

Prejudice is a specific attitude of subjects based on information about the negative qualities of an object. Such information, as a rule, is not checked for accuracy and reliability, but is taken on faith. Studying the nature of prejudice is of social importance because people's perceptions of other people, groups and ethnicities are often based on prejudice. Based on the behavior of one or more representatives of other groups, people tend to draw conclusions about the psychological characteristics of the entire community, and this kind of prejudice often turns out to be a very stable psychological formation. Negative information about the personality traits of a new employee can cause prejudice among members of the work team towards him, which will significantly complicate the process of his adaptation.

Prejudice – This is a negative attitude towards a representative of a social group, based only on his membership in this group.

Prejudice concerns a fairly wide range of groups, which allows us to talk about different types of prejudice. The most common prejudice in the world is racism. The presence in the world of people with different skin colors and eye shapes provides grounds for distinguishing them. But in order for prejudice to appear towards a particular group, certain social conditions are needed. It is unlikely that Russians will have prejudices against Eskimos or Indonesians, because we do not come into contact with these peoples. But as for the closest neighbors, the difficult history of relations between peoples and historical memory provide grounds for the emergence of ethnic prejudices.

Another common type of prejudice is sexism. It implies the presence of prejudices about the qualities of men and women, which are based on long-standing and fairly stable stereotypes. As a result, in almost all countries there is discrimination against women's rights, which is expressed in lower wages, the inability to occupy a leadership position, or to be elected to governing bodies. Varieties of sexism also include prejudice against people of non-traditional sexual orientation (homophobia).

The third type of prejudice is related to age (ageism) and also occurs in any society. Older people tend to have a very low opinion of today's youth. And modern young people are skeptical about people who do not use the Internet, a mobile phone, do not know foreign languages, and therefore modern slang, and do not understand anything about modern music. On this basis, prejudice arises about not only the physical, but also the intellectual abilities of older people.

In contrast to these visible and rather simple reasons for the emergence of prejudices, there is also a fairly large class of social phenomena that also leads to the emergence of prejudices and the formation of stereotypes. Prejudices and stereotypes negatively affect relationships between people, making these relationships irrational and thus leading to conflicts. As a result, interaction between people is hampered and the normal functioning of society is disrupted.

11.1.1. How prejudices arise

Psychologists have offered quite a few answers to this question. It turns out that prejudice arises for a variety of reasons, both biological and social. We have already seen that on a sensory level, children under 6 years of age are able to distinguish people based on their ethnicity. Understanding the surrounding social world, children create complex categories - concepts that explain this world. One of the first, basic categories is the division of all people into two categories - ours and others, “us - them”. By identifying themselves with a certain group by gender, age, nationality, language, social status, profession and origin, people conventionally identify social categories with which they relate themselves. Of course, they are more inclined towards “their own” than towards “strangers”. Psychologists call this phenomenon intra-group bias and opposite feelings - prejudice. And the categorization process does not end there. In addition to the fact that we perceive quite large groups of people as “strangers,” we tend to attribute negative qualities to them, regardless of the real state of affairs. At the heart of this process lies another phenomenon - the spirit of competition.

Rivalry – This is a feeling born in the process of evolution, which was caused by the struggle for resources and status associated with the conquest of representatives of the opposite sex.

Modern people have retained these feelings and experiences, although no one organizes mating fights anymore. But as a result of long evolution, even today, during puberty and youth, men experience increased levels of the hormone testosterone. K. Palmer (1993) studied the aggressive behavior of Canadian amateur hockey players. Young unmarried hockey players acted aggressively in 42% of games, while older and married players acted aggressively in only 15% of games. %. The researcher found that young players were less likely to engage in playful expressions of competition, and were more likely to display hostile forms of it. K. Palmer looked at this “cold aggressiveness” from an evolutionary point of view. Unmarried men who do not yet have a permanent partner are more prone to aggression than married men. The scientist believes that this is due to the struggle for status (203, p. 83).

Rivalry also affects other areas of life, since various benefits (good jobs, houses, cars, things, food) are distributed unevenly. Rivalry is the more intense the more people perceive the situation as unfair. As a result of prolonged rivalry, people begin to perceive each other more and more negatively, as was the case in M. Sherif’s experiment in a children’s camp.

An important component in the formation of prejudices is social learning. Already in childhood, we acquire social attitudes towards different groups of people. Prejudices can take the form of offensive designations - nicknames of representatives of “outsiders”. They exist in all countries of the world and perform a specific function, allowing representatives of one ethnic group to inflate their status and social role compared to others. Nicknames create a negative background, as they carry elements of unjustified humiliation of other ethnic groups. It’s like an inferiority complex in an individual, when a person can respect himself only by humiliating others. And this is bad practice.

The media plays a major role in social influence in the formation of prejudices. The biases expressed by editors and presenters can be quite subtle, but that doesn't make them any less harmful. And if members of a particular ethnic group are presented in a negative light, then this begins to affect the audience. The media should be especially careful in their assessments, unless they have a special goal of discrediting events and entire peoples.

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Unfortunately, many of us find ourselves in toxic relationships more often than we would like. Love is the most powerful feeling, but even it can be destroyed if you do not feed and support feelings.

In the midst of an exchange of mutual claims and discontent, the question often comes to mind: “When did everything go wrong?” But there were signals! We have collected for you 5 negative attitudes that can nullify any romantic relationship and kill love. Forewarned is forearmed. Why mock your loved one if these negative attitudes are unlikely to make you happy?

1. Mistrust and jealousy

Jealousy is a very common phenomenon, but it cannot be said to be very pleasant. As with everything, it is important to adhere to a certain measure: being slightly jealous of your partner is common, but searching his clothes, notebook and phone in order to find irrefutable evidence of imaginary infidelity is already too much.

The main signs of sick jealousy: a loved one tries several times a day to find out what you did last night (even if last night you were lying next to him), wants to catch you in lies and infidelity, constantly tries to find out your password, and establishes total control. All this makes it difficult to trust each other, because it is known that relationships without trust are a waste of time. Constant checks kill even the strongest feelings.

For a happy family life, you need to say “no” to jealousy, obsession, and addiction in time. These feelings have nothing to do with love and healthy relationships. If you notice this behavior in yourself, try not to focus on your loved one. This is an unhealthy feeling that will sooner or later lead to separation.

2. Routine and everyday life

After a few months, watching movies together in the evening and eating pizza will no longer be as exciting and romantic. However, like the constant desire to keep the house clean and cook something delicious for dinner. You will want new emotions, impressions, passion in the end.

Routine kills love, pushes people to cheat, makes them unhappy. You must give up constant planning and scheduling. This is a direct path to nowhere. If you get involved in a relationship, then sooner or later you will be overtaken by a development crisis. And that's okay. Such crises should be treated quite naturally, because these are ordinary stages of life - you met, moved in together, got married, took out a mortgage, gave birth to a child, and so on, so on. The trick is that routine, “everyday life” and dullness will have to be endured one way or another, and just together. It's like a computer game: until you pass the previous level, you won't be allowed into the next one. Even if you can’t stand one of them and break off the relationship, the crisis will catch up with you during the next romance. And again everything is in a circle. Learn to be more diverse and constantly bring something new into your relationship.

3. Constant quarrels and resentments

The success of your relationship depends not only on what you do, but also on what you don't do. Of course, it is important to pay attention to the little things, but it is even more important to simply ignore some of your partner's shortcomings. This is especially true in cases where the quarrel between you continues for a relatively long time and ends not with an apology, but with a showdown for the next few hours. As a rule, there is a significant conflict of interest behind such a quarrel. Dig deeper. Perhaps your partner constantly feels depressed because of your life beliefs and views on relationships, marriage, feelings, children. If you want to save your relationship, learn to express your emotions correctly. Your goal is to talk frankly with each other, try to take the place of your loved one, change your point of view, and find a compromise.

4. Boredom

If you prefer to stay late at work, take extra hours, find a part-time job, just to avoid being alone with your loved one, you have serious problems. Depression and boredom around your partner are a direct path to ending the relationship. Of course, everyone, without exception, goes through this stage of relationship development. It is characterized by calmness, weakening of feelings. Often the fear of losing a partner disappears, love is replaced by indifference. In this case, you can’t give up; you need to fight for the relationship. Boredom is your common enemy, which you can defeat by joining forces. Love always comes back, especially if you show her that you are ready to withstand all the blows of fate together.

5. Pride

If during conflicts you or your loved one never try to take the other person's place, then this is not a relationship, but eternal suffering. Some of you will always have to make concessions, adjust, and be the first to agree to a truce. Pride is one of the negative attitudes that spoils any, even the most fabulous relationships.

Patience, mutual understanding and the ability to apologize are important qualities that fuel love. They need to be developed in yourself if you dream of a happy life together. Everything starts small.

It doesn’t matter at all whether you have just started a relationship or have been legally married for a long time - sooner or later crises will hit your romance. Before you take any decisive action to improve your relationship, it is important to clearly analyze your behavior: perhaps your relationship is suffering from negative attitudes that you or your partner are filled with. Experts recommend that when talking with a loved one, you should abandon the negative particle “not” and learn to construct positive phrases. Instead of saying, “You're not paying attention to me,” tell your partner exactly what you want: for example, that you want to spend more time together. Don’t cut your relationship to the ground as soon as difficulties arise. In the beginning, everything needs to be sorted out properly. We wish you a great mood. be happy and don't forget to press the buttons and

Hello, my dear!

Isn’t it true, it’s wonderful to live in the world when you are surrounded exclusively by good, kind and sweet people? How great it is when every person you communicate with is friendly towards you! How nice it is when people praise you and sincerely smile at you! Yes, it's just great! When there are only nice people around, life becomes much simpler and brighter!

Would you say that this doesn’t happen? Let me disagree with you, my friends! Happens! And in order to create such an environment in your life, you don’t have to be a millionaire. I explain this for those who may now be thinking, “Yeah, if only I had a hundred million euros, everyone would definitely love, praise and admire me!” Do you need THIS kind of attitude? Do you really want a “good” attitude towards yourself, based on sycophancy and ingratiation? It seems to me that it is not very pleasant to realize that it is not you who are loved, but your money. Well, okay, let the millionaires deal with the crowds of their fans themselves. :)) And we will return to our relationship.

Surely you have all heard the wise thought that you should treat people the way you want them to treat you. Everyone knows about this, many quote this phrase. But here’s an interesting feature I noticed. Most often, for some reason, people interpret this thought as “DO this to people,” that is, they transfer the meaning of the phrase exclusively to specific actions. And its meaning is precisely this: TREAT people the way you want them to TREAT you! That is, what we mean is the internal message that comes from you to people. If you hate a person, but greet him with a nice smile, then most likely he will not treat you particularly well. People subconsciously feel the true attitude towards themselves from another person.

I have a friend who has a negative attitude towards almost all the people around her. She considers everyone stupid, promiscuous, unworthy, etc. She herself, being a well-mannered lady, does not openly show her emotions. But at the same time, conflicts constantly arise with her participation. And, as they say, out of the blue! People feel a negative attitude towards themselves, most often subconsciously, and at the subconscious level they form an attitude towards you. You know, it’s quite difficult to communicate with a person who despises all people. You don’t even have to be an extremely sensitive person to feel the emanating waves of negativity. Not to mention that it is unpleasant to listen to constant negative judgments about literally everyone. As a result, there appears a persistent desire to meet and communicate with this person less often, even if you treat him very well and perfectly understand the motives and prerequisites for such behavior.

In my opinion, a negative attitude towards people is generated by some limitations in a person’s consciousness. He accepts as good for himself only what he understands. And everything else that goes beyond his understanding causes his rejection. The broader a person’s horizons, the more developed his imagination and intellect, the easier it is for him to admit that other people may have other (different from his) interests, values, and concepts. Even if we take the example of musical preferences. Some people like classics, some like rock, some like jazz. All people are different, everyone has their own musical tastes. For one, this is natural; it would never even occur to him to think that a person who prefers a different musical style is somehow worse, lower or stupider than him. And there are those who think so.

Perhaps this perception of the world is based on pride, a rather dangerous and unhelpful quality. A person obsessed with pride considers himself always and in everything right, his opinion the only correct one and having the right to exist. Anything that differs from the “correct” causes rejection or even aggression. Now I’m not taking as an example any radical movements like nationalists or something like that. In principle, I don’t want to talk about this. We are talking about individuals, about you and me and those around us.

Treating people well has never been a problem for me. Perhaps my natural optimism is the reason for this, or my upbringing - my parents, as far as I can remember in childhood, never spoke badly about anyone, did not “wash the bones” of acquaintances or friends. Maybe it also played a role that in childhood and adolescence (just when a person’s character and his attitude to the world around him are formed) I read simply a huge amount of fiction. Various heroes with their characters, perception of the world, stories, etc. instilled in me an understanding of the diversity of human society. And a completely loyal attitude towards those whose life values ​​and priorities do not coincide with mine.

You know, treating people well is primarily good for yourself. In- First of all, you don’t experience negative emotions, and this is already very good! Instead, you experience and it’s absolutely wonderful! :)) Secondly, you broadcast your good attitude and positivity to the world. And as you remember, everything you give will definitely come back to you. This means you also receive positive things from the world! It doesn’t matter whether it’s through people’s attitude towards you or in some other way (what do you think, you can even receive it in monetary terms!), the main thing is that the world returns this good thing to you. Well, in the end, people just treat you well! And this, believe me, is very pleasant and gives you a good mood!

So how can you cultivate a positive attitude towards people? Once upon a time I read a phrase that I really liked: “It’s easy to love the whole world. It’s much more difficult to love each specific person.” Maybe in the original it sounds a little different, but the essence is approximately the same. Yes, it’s easy to say that all people are brothers and everyone needs to be loved when it’s all abstract and general. But it’s somehow a little more difficult to treat a boss who is yelling at you well...

We are not Buddhist monks; it is still difficult for us to have an even and positive attitude always and to everything. Yes, there are people who are annoying and angry. By the way, I already wrote about that. So, don’t try to extinguish negative emotions in yourself, you won’t achieve anything by doing this. Try to change your ATTITUDE towards the situation as a whole and towards the specific person in it. If this person appears in your life, it means you need him for something. Or the Universe is sending you some kind of message through it. Or he helps you work on some mental task. If you do have negative emotions towards a person, do not let them become “chronic”! This is the most dangerous thing - to carry negativity within yourself, mulling it over and over again. If you can’t evoke a positive attitude towards a person in yourself, then at least try not to think about him. Otherwise, as it happens, you had a fight with a person, he left and forgot, and for several more days you torment yourself with memories of this event! Can you imagine how much bad things you have emitted into the world during this time?! But it will all come back to you! Don’t give YOURSELF such “gifts”!

Was there a negative situation? That’s it, the key word here for you is “was”! Immediately switch your thoughts to the good. Don't allow yourself to dwell on the negative.

There is another technique that allows you to establish relationships with people without even communicating with them directly. Send them something good in your thoughts. They tell absolutely amazing stories about how this technique worked practically instantly! I remember reading a story told by a woman who was yelled at by her boss. And she, right in the process of “dragging”, when he showered her with criticism from head to toe, began to mentally imagine him happy and satisfied with life somewhere on vacation, and even with a lot of money. And what do you think! He suddenly somehow quickly calmed down (although she was silent!!!), quickly finished the criticism and let her go. But that is not all. Since then, he specifically began to treat her much better! Although he didn’t change his attitude towards other employees!

But in order to use this technique, you need to react to the situation, and not be like an oyster with its unambiguous reaction to a stimulus. Don’t get bogged down in the situation - rise ABOVE it, observing everything as if from the outside. Then you will be able to CONTROL the situation! And this will not only allow you to change events in your favor, but also will not allow you to get irritated and angry with another person. Just what we need!

So, friends, everything is entirely in your hands. It is absolutely possible to create the kind of environment around yourself that I presented to you at the very, very beginning of the article! Get creative with this process and remember that you are doing this FOR YOURSELF!

Good luck and great attitude from those around you!

Your Ekaterina

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