We experience emotions 24 hours a day, even when we sleep, but only a very small part of people know how to truly manage them. These people are experts in emotions, they are good at understanding and managing their own feelings, as well as deciphering the feelings of other people. What benefits does this skill bring? By increasing your emotional intelligence, you will be able to achieve success in many areas of your life (from personal to social) and learn to solve problems without involving unnecessary emotions. Additionally, there is a good chance that you will be satisfied with your life because you will be able to understand what your psychology needs at any given time. You will learn to motivate yourself literally out of the blue - with the help of ordinary thoughts. You will not need external factors to be happy, because you know how to direct your emotions in the direction you want and achieve the desired mood.
Every person dreams of learning to think clearly. But what does it mean? You will not be able to get your point across if you are irritated and angry, because at such times your mind is clogged with emotional debris that prevents you from thinking. If you control your emotions, you can control your mind.
In addition, you probably know what catastrophic consequences this entails. They can deprive you of everything - life, money, reputation and happiness. While a person who controls his emotions is healthy and cheerful, he enjoys life and looks at all problems as new opportunities.
Our course was written with the goal of increasing your level of emotional intelligence, which will certainly entail all the positive consequences that we mentioned above.
What is emotional intelligence?
Traditional intelligence testing, IQ, has been unable to predict a person's success in their personal, social, and career lives. People with high intelligence did not necessarily achieve their goals and vice versa - not very smart people somehow magically achieved incredible heights. Therefore, the question arose in society: “So what affects the quality of life, the achievement of happiness and success?” And many psychologists believe that they have found the answer - we are talking about increasing the level of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence (EI, emotional intelligence) is a person’s ability to recognize emotions, understand the intentions and desires of other people and their own, as well as the ability to manage their emotions and the emotions of other people to solve practical problems.
There is also a less scientific definition given by Howard Book and Steven Stein: this is the ability to correctly interpret the situation and influence it, intuitively grasp what other people want and need, know their strengths and weaknesses, not give in and be charming .
Simply put, your emotional intelligence is at a high level when you are balanced in any situation and can positively influence other people's emotions. In this regard, emotional intelligence can be divided into two elements: understanding one’s own and others’ emotions.
Application of emotional intelligence in life
Whether you like it or not, you experience emotions in any situation: when communicating with a person, in an art gallery, in a supermarket. Therefore, you apply emotional intelligence every day, the only difference is how high its level is.
You, and only you, decide what emotions and feelings to experience at any moment. If you want to feel resentment and irritation, please. If you want to enjoy life and look into the future with optimism, you can achieve this too. You will be calm and balanced if you understand your emotions and begin to control them.
But why then understand the emotions of other people? Isn’t it enough to understand your own people and learn to manage them? We interact with people every day in one form or another, so understanding what a person is feeling and why is key to building good, harmonious relationships. You may not be a particularly talented person or have a great intellect, but if you know how to communicate with people and they respect and appreciate you, you will achieve great success.
How to develop emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence in itself is a skill that can and should be developed. You will need discipline and patience, because serious success will not come immediately. You must look at life with optimism because at times you will suffer defeats, roll back and experience negative emotions that you want to get rid of. You also need to learn how to motivate yourself, because without this skill you will not be able to improve your emotional intelligence every day. Our course will give you everything you need to do this.
In order to recognize negative, destructive emotions in time, you need to be aware. We will touch on this point, but we advise you to take a course on spiritual practices, and especially a lesson about. The first step in the fight against any enemy (destructive emotions) is to recognize it, which is why it is so important to be in a state of awareness and notice when your emotions are getting out of control.
In our course you will find several good and useful exercises for developing emotional intelligence. Remember that serious results come only with practice, so implement knowledge into life and study yourself.
You will need to understand how your . Each person has unique traits that influence how they think, feel, and make decisions. However, even if you think that you have studied your psychology completely and know yourself, continue to observe yourself, because everything changes. You today and you tomorrow are different people, so notice the changes in yourself and draw appropriate conclusions. Set yourself up for the long haul and make it as attractive as possible. Remember that no one but yourself can help you.
The first good results will come to you after completing the course if you follow all the tips and recommendations that you will find in our lessons. Read biographies of outstanding people and evaluate their lives from the perspective of emotional intelligence. Would they be able to achieve such outstanding success if they did not know how to manage their emotions and influence the emotions of other people? You yourself know the answer to this question.
Want to test your knowledge?
If you want to test your theoretical knowledge on the topic of the course and understand how suitable it is for you, you can take our test. For each question, only 1 option can be correct. After you select one of the options, the system automatically moves on to the next question.
Lessons on developing emotional intelligence
After studying a large number of books and textbooks, we came to the conclusion that emotional intelligence can be increased by studying the theory and applying it in practice. We have developed five lessons for you that will help you learn to understand your own emotions and the emotions of other people.
Purpose of the course: introduce our reader to emotional intelligence, its models and the necessary skills for its development and improvement.
Course Objective: teach the reader to manage his emotions and develop his skills of empathy, assertiveness and listening skills.
We present to your attention a short overview of each of the lessons.
For, in fact, you don’t need much. You need to find a business that you want to do all your life, feel that your work is needed by society and achieve your goals. The challenge is learning to look at life with hope and faith and motivating yourself to wake up every morning with a smile and determination to make the most of your day. In this lesson we will teach you to look at life with optimism. This means not only seeing the good side of any problem, but also taking action to solve it. We will touch on positive psychology and the power that positive thinking brings. You will be surprised how easy and at the same time difficult it is to change negative thoughts to positive ones. And when you achieve success, you will learn to control your emotions and use them to achieve success.
How to take classes?
The estimated time frame for completing our course is two weeks. You can go through it in a few days, but remember that the course offers you to learn several skills, and they, in turn, require a lot of work on yourself. We have tried to simplify the presentation of the material as much as possible and not overload you with scientific terms and concepts, so you do not need to particularly prepare yourself and study additional materials before taking the course. One small condition - keep a notepad and pen near you. Interesting thoughts will probably come to your mind, so write them down right away. In addition, some of our exercises require recording.
The first and second lessons are related to theory, but do not rush to immediately move on to the third. You must clarify for yourself the importance of increasing your level of emotional intelligence, and also study its patterns in order to move not by touch, but clearly understand where you are going. Allow one or two days for each of the theory lessons.
The third, fourth and fifth lessons are practice. In this regard, allocate yourself the maximum possible number and go through them slowly. Do all the exercises and listen to all recommendations and advice. Remember that any knowledge must be instantly transformed into action, otherwise it will be meaningless.
Books and textbooks
Is it worth continuing your studies after completing the course? Of course, because the psychology of emotions is a rather complex and fickle matter, so you must accustom yourself to long-term training. However, this is quite interesting and should not carry an element of compulsion. Read the literature we recommend, periodically repeat the exercises from the course, keep a diary and remain conscious, no matter what happens.
- . Daniel Goleman.
- Emotional Intelligence in Business. Daniel Goleman.
- The ABCs of Emotional Intelligence. Irina Andreeva.
- The path to prosperity. New understanding of happiness and well-being. Martin Seligman.
- Meditation and Mindfulness. Andy Puddicombe.
- The Power of Positive Thinking. Norman Vincent Peale.
- AdvantagesEQ: emotional culture and your success. Steven Stein, Howard Book.
We wish you good luck and, as parting words, we invite you to read quotes from famous people.
Quotes from famous people about the importance of managing emotions
“By forgiveness we mean some emotion. This is not true. Rather, it is the cessation of some emotion.” Iris Murdoch.
“They believe that success comes to those who get up early. No. Success comes to those who wake up in a good mood.” Marcel Achard.
“Only one who has subjugated them can live by passions.” Albert Camus.
“To be happy, you need to constantly strive for this happiness and understand it. It depends not on circumstances, but on yourself.” Lev Tolstoy.
“Our emotional state is much more likely to cause fatigue than physical stress.” Dale Carnegie.
“Feelings are fire, thoughts are oil.” Vissarion Belinsky.
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you will begin to see positive results.” Willie Nelson.
“In times of great stress or trouble, it is always better to occupy yourself by cultivating your anger and energy into something positive.” Lee Iacocca.
“Laughter is the best way to express positive emotions.” Norman Cousins.
“If you focus on possibilities in difficult situations, you can change your attitude, reduce stress, and focus your attention on achieving things that may have previously seemed impossible.” Katerina Palsifer.
“We are what we think. Our emotions are slaves to our thoughts, and we, in turn, are slaves to emotions.” Elizabeth Gilbert.
“Emotions, as well as worries, cloud a clear head. Everything will change a hundred times.” Erich Maria Remarque.
“If emotions are in order, grievances and troubles will disappear on their own.” Neyah.
“Discipline is important, but train yourself to have good emotions. This is the only discipline you need." Esther and Jerry Hicks.
“Emotions have their own smell and taste; perhaps they are transmitted from person to person through some special waves.” Diana Setterfield.
“All right thoughts come only after the emotions end.” Napoleon Hill.
“If you free the problem from emotions, what remains is just a situation.” Unknown author.
“Anger is a message that there is a problem that needs to be resolved later.” Paul Ekman.
We wish you success in increasing your emotional intelligence!
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify, use, understand and manage one's own emotions in a positive way, for example to relieve stress, overcome difficulties and defuse conflicts. This ability also allows you to recognize the emotional state of other people.
Emotional intelligence can be improved at any time in life.
However, there is a big difference between studying emotional intelligence and applying it in practice. You may know you need to take certain steps, but that doesn't mean you'll take them, especially if you're under stress. In order to change your behavioral habits, you need to learn to cope with.
Emotional intelligence generally consists of five components:
- Self-knowledge. You acknowledge your own emotions and understand how they influence your thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, you have confidence in your own abilities.
- Self-control. You know how to control impulsive feelings, manage your emotions in relationships, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
- Empathy. You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate easily, inspire and guide others.
- Motivation. You imagine your goal and are clearly aware of each next step towards your dream.
- Social skills. You can understand the emotions, needs and problems of other people, recognize non-verbal cues, feel comfortable in society, determine a person's status in a group or organization, and resolve conflicts within a team.
Why emotional intelligence is so important
Life shows that smart people do not always achieve success and high social status. Surely you remember a couple of people who have excellent academic knowledge, but at the same time are socially incompetent both at work and in their personal lives.
A high IQ does not guarantee success in your career and family. Yes, it will help you get into a prestigious educational institution, but only emotional intelligence will help you when you need to calm down your emotions before final exams. In tandem, IQ and EQ reinforce each other.
Thus, emotional intelligence affects:
- School performance and productivity at work. Emotional intelligence will help you navigate complex social relationships in the workplace, become a leader and motivate others, and succeed in your career. Many companies evaluate the emotional intelligence of candidates during interviews, considering it no less important than professional competencies.
- Physical health. If you can't manage your emotions, you probably can't manage stress. This can lead to serious health problems. Uncontrolled stress increases blood pressure, suppresses the immune system, increases the risk of heart attack, promotes infertility and accelerates aging.
- Mental condition. Uncontrolled emotions and stress affect mental health, making us vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If you don't manage your own emotions, you won't be able to build strong relationships. As a result, a feeling of loneliness and isolation will come.
- Relationship. By understanding and managing your own emotions, you will learn to express yourself and feel those around you. This will allow you to communicate more effectively and build trust.
What will help you develop emotional intelligence?
1. Self-knowledge
Psychologists argue that current experiences are a reflection of earlier emotional experiences. This means that your ability to perceive anger, sadness, fear and joy is likely influenced by the quality and intensity of your emotions early in life.
If you have valued and understood your emotions in the past, they will become valuable assets in the future. If the experience was painful and confusing, you will probably do everything possible to distance yourself from it. However, you should not distance yourself even from negative feelings, because acceptance and awareness of your emotional state is the key to understanding how experiences affect your thoughts and actions.
Ask yourself a few questions:
- Are the emotions accompanied by physical sensations in the stomach, throat, or chest?
- Have you ever experienced feelings that were clearly reflected in your facial expressions?
- Can you experience strong feelings that completely absorb your attention and the attention of others?
- Do you monitor your emotions when making decisions?
If there is even one negative answer, your emotions are suppressed or turned off. In order to have healthy emotional intelligence, you must open up to your experiences and let them into your comfort zone.
sorsillo/Depositphotos.comHere are the surest ways to improve self-knowledge:
- Practice mindfulness. That is, deliberately focusing attention on the present moment. Mindfulness is often associated with Buddhism, but most of the world's religions practice something similar in the form of prayer. It relieves anxiety, calms and invigorates, and builds character.
- Keep a diary. At the end of each day, write down what happened to you, how you felt and how you dealt with difficulties. Periodically look back and analyze typical situations, note where you underdid or overdid it.
- Ask your loved ones who they see you as. Feedback from multiple people will reveal your strengths and weaknesses. Don't forget to record everything and look for patterns. The main thing is not to argue or object. It is important for you to look at yourself through someone else's eyes.
2. Self-control
Awareness of feelings is the first step to emotional management. You must use your emotions to make constructive decisions and behavior. When you become overly stressed, you may lose control and become less thoughtful.
Remember how easy it is to think rationally in a state of overstrain. Probably not. This happens because the brain withdraws from thought processes and switches to an overabundance of feelings.
Emotions are important pieces of information that tell us about ourselves and others. However, under stress we become depressed and lose control of ourselves. Learn to cope with stress. This will help you control feelings and behavior, manage relationships, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to a changing world.
Sericbvd/Depositphotos.com So how do you learn self-control? Surely you've heard about the old-fashioned method of counting to ten when you're angry.
It is not always possible to suppress anger or depression, however, a physical push will be in place. If you feel tired, do some exercises. If you can't muster the strength, slap yourself in the face. In general, use any physical force that will produce mild shock and break the vicious cycle.
3. Empathy
We constantly focus on what is most important to us. However, our emotions are only half of the relationship. All other people also have their own feelings, desires, triggers and fears. Therefore, empathy is an extremely important life skill.
bacho123456/Depositphotos.com Try out a few tips to help you become an empath:
- Talk less, listen more. This is the golden rule of any sincerely empathetic person. Of course, you cannot let the whole gamut of another person’s feelings pass through you, but you can try to hear him. Just let the person speak without interrupting him with your thoughts. This is difficult, especially if there are strong negative emotions. However, almost any connection will become stronger just because you ask before entering into a conversation.
- Accept the opposite opinion despite your own position. To understand what motivates a person, you need to be in his place. If you think your boss is being reckless, try to justify it in your head. Perhaps you would do the same if you were in his shoes.
- Understand the difference between saying “I know” and “I understand.” The first indicates that you supposedly had a similar life experience. The second indicates that you thought about the situation and played it out on your own behalf. Of course, understanding other people's problems is a more trusting and truthful level of relationship.
Empathy involves your reaction, but it must come at the right time. If someone is about to burst into tears or is in deep pain, don't try to numb the feelings. The person needs to express his emotions, and he will need your help.
4. Motivation
When we talk about motivation as a component of emotional intelligence, we mean the inner core, and not the psychological strength to get your body out of bed. As psychologists say, our core is located in the prefrontal cortex of the brain. She begins to be active at the mere thought of performing a significant task.
The goal can be a career, a family, a piece of art, or anything as long as it has significant meaning in your life. When motivation gets down to business, it combines with reality, and we take real actions. To start a family, motivated people start dating. To advance in their careers, motivated people undertake self-education.
pertusinas/Depositphotos.com How to find your core? First of all, you need to find out your own values. Many of us are so busy that we don’t have time to dig into ourselves and determine our priorities. It’s even worse if a person does work that directly contradicts his worldview and principles.
Secondly, you should transfer your goal to paper and write it down in detail. At the same time, it is necessary to understand that great success is greatly extended over time. It consists of small victories and the bitterness of defeats.
5. Social skills
Social skills are the ability to understand what people around you constantly address to you. These signals give a clear picture of what a person is experiencing and what is truly important to him. In order to accept nonverbal signals, you need to suspend your thoughts, not think about the goals and objectives that you are pursuing while being next to the person.
racorn/Depositphotos.com Social skills cannot work for you if you are thinking about something other than the current event. When we are immersed in memories or transported to the future, we are simply not in the present. This makes it difficult to pick up on subtle nonverbal cues.
Don't be under any illusions about multitasking. Yes, we can switch between topics very quickly, but in the transition we lose the subtle emotional shift that helps us understand other people.
Social skills are good to improve by resolving disagreements:
- Make time for each other and then return to the problem. In romantic relationships, it is necessary to remind your partner that behind criticism there is care and love.
- Make sure both parties are clear about the cause of the conflict. Offer a mutually beneficial solution that takes into account mutual desires and eliminates additional requirements.
- End on one note, even if it's not entirely positive. Let your boss, colleague or significant other know that you are moving in the same direction, albeit with different points of view.
Along with conflict resolution, you need to teach yourself to get to know each other, maintain a conversation, and play. At the same time, it is advisable to study in advance the mentality of people of different nations.
Emotional intellect- This is a type of intelligence responsible for recognizing personal emotions and the emotions of other people, as well as for managing them. The beauty of emotional reactions is their universality; they seem to work across all human cultures. People of any race equally experience happiness, grief, surprise, anger and unconsciously show them in their body and facial expressions. Every emotional reaction has its own manifestations in the body. For example, the emotion of surprise has three distinctive features: enlargement of the eyes, opening of the mouth, and inhalation. Such reactions are associated with a person’s need to act actively in a non-standard situation: the eyes concentrate better on an object, and inhalation prepares for possible muscle activity for defense or running.
Emotional reactions are quite intellectual in their meaning, they help to make the right, rational decision, which is fundamentally completely contrary to what we are often taught - the need to suppress, avoid them. People with high IQ and analytical abilities often unfairly deny the role of emotions.
The fallacy of this approach can be shown by proving that emotional reactions have a very specific role. If we throw a crumpled piece of paper at such an analyst, then even if he were a genius capable of calculating its trajectory extremely quickly, he would not have time to make accurate calculations and make an analytical decision based on them before it reaches him, then his natural reaction will have time to make him instinctively deviate. What if instead of a lump of paper there is a weighty stone? Similar to this primitive situation, in complex and important situations, a complex of emotions is also able to quickly turn on the desired behavior.
What is emotional intelligence?
Where did the concept of emotional intelligence come from? This concept was first proposed in 1990 by John Mayer and Peter Salovey, who published a book, published several articles, and spoke at a conference. However, it was only in 1995, when Daniel Goleman's book was published, that this theory received widespread recognition.
Goleman, as a journalist, met Salovey and Mayer and was able to beautifully present their idea. However, Salovey and Mayer continued to develop and improve their theory, and again a few years later, co-authored with David Caruso, they published a book with specific practical recommendations for readers who are interested in developing their emotional intelligence. Goleman, having popularized the concept, gave rise to the emergence of a huge number of new ideas regarding the emotional, as well as its models and methods of measurement. And to this day this topic is new and attractive.
Measuring emotional intelligence - there are three most common ways. One is self-assessment. However, more than 80% of people see themselves as smarter than the average person, so this type of assessment is not very good. The second is the so-called 360 assessment, when you in a group evaluate the abilities of others, as they evaluate you. And the third is a testing method, for example, using the well-known MSCEIT technique. Since its authors, Mayer and Salovey, as well as Caruso, who joined them, are confident that emotional reactions can be assessed unambiguously, the method has unequivocally correct and unequivocally incorrect answer options.
The test taker is presented with a picture with a certain facial expression of a person, and the question is asked what kind of emotion, in the test taker’s opinion, he is experiencing. Each emotional reaction must be assessed on several scales - determine how sad, happy or angry this person is on a three-point scale. The test helps determine how accurately a person can assess the emotions of others, which shows a high overall correlation with their level of emotional intelligence. The test result calculates our measured emotional intelligence quotient.
According to research, success in activity is associated not only with levels of IQ, intelligence itself, levels of emotional intelligence, which has been given the acronym EQ, also have a significant impact. And it’s true that in most companies the employees have good mental abilities, but not everyone achieves success. Yes, being smart is important, but it is not enough. In one survey, 250 IT managers asked which leader they considered outstanding, with the most common choices being shared vision, motivation, and empathy. Moreover, the questions were open-ended, without given options.
Many large modern companies, when selecting a candidate, first study his emotional intelligence. Employees with high EQ engage in less behavior, exhibit less behavior, and have a greater tendency to engage in desirable social behavior. And if the conversation turns to managers, then they better unite, rally the staff around them, help the team quickly reach the desired planned results, formulate a vision well and convey it efficiently to subordinates.
David Caruso set up the following experiment - he suggested the possibility for the CEO that he needed to move to a new company and take any 10 current employees with him. Interestingly, these selected 10 people had the highest EQ level of all the employees in the company.
Emotional intelligence levels are partly a predictor of managers' future achievements, but they are also a much more accurate predictor of how they act. Walking over their heads is not typical for leaders with high EQ; on the contrary, they belong to the category of leaders whom subordinates want to emulate.
Emotional intelligence is also important due to the fact that bright, charismatic leaders always have the ability to infect those around them with emotions. A high EQ also guarantees greater team loyalty and greater employee engagement.
How to develop emotional intelligence?
The development of emotional intelligence begins with the ability to recognize the emotional reactions of other people by facial microexpressions, non-verbal bodily manifestations and intonations - as in the movie “The Theory of Lies”.
For example, a real, sincere, genuine smile must be accompanied by wrinkles around the eyes, a slight cheerful squint, conveying a state of joy and happiness. Everyone has this skill of recognizing emotions and works unconsciously. However, only a few people are truly talented at identifying emotions. Also, success here depends on who shows emotions - if his emotional intelligence is high, and the person wants to deceive you, then most likely he will succeed. A special study of human emotions using microexpressions allows us to obtain both information about what each emotion looks like and the skills to quickly recognize them in practice.
After this skill, you definitely need to pay attention to developing control and the ability to express emotional reactions. It is important to learn to distinguish between emotions in order to obtain a correct picture of the world. Emotional reactions affect cognitive processes and thinking, because by relaxing and tuning into a positive wave, a person perceives information better. To stimulate thinking, you need to have a good understanding of emotions.
Also, when we understand emotions, we can predict the behavior of other people. The skill of recognizing and managing emotions is especially important for various types of managers and team leaders, because at each specific moment you need to be aware of the emotional state of your subordinates: if they are upset, sad, with low energy, then on that day it is worth doing, for example, reconciliation of documents and verification of reports. If people in the team are bursting with energy and full of joy, you can brainstorm and hold a meeting.
But what to do if you need to do it right now, but the emotional state of your colleagues does not correspond? It is difficult to motivate with words alone, while with the help of emotions a leader can successfully inspire the team to the desired activity. What methods might be used here? For example, exhale, urge you to tune in, get ready - like a coach of a sports team. It is useful to remember that a positive attitude in a manager leads to better coordination in work and less labor costs.
An emotional reaction always has a fundamental cause that is individual in nature. For example, a cheerful song usually evokes positive emotions, but for a guy who asked a girl important to him to dance to this song and was refused, the same melody will most likely evoke negative emotions. Hiding your emotions requires significant effort. The more a person suppresses them in himself, the less he is able to absorb information. All his strength goes into maintaining an impenetrable emotional facade, which, of course, is sometimes necessary, but as a permanent regime is very expensive.
By following a proactive strategy, you can think ahead and direct another employee to a meeting that is emotionally upsetting to you. If you nevertheless went to a meeting and were taken out, then following a reactive strategy you can inhale and exhale, count to three and calmly put your indignation on paper.
Child's emotional intelligence
The development of emotional intelligence is relevant even for a small child, and his parents, as well as teachers, may ask this question. Mark Brackett of Yale University runs a special program for children approved for use in schools. The program involves first training teachers, who then teach the children themselves. The role of increasing knowledge about emotions in children is difficult to underestimate, because low emotional intelligence subsequently becomes a source of negative emotions and the first bad experience, which can be imprinted for the rest of their lives. Through this type of learning, children will have choice. They can either experience the happiness they want, or be aware of bad emotions and try to change them. Thus, low emotional intelligence inherited in the family can be transformed through training, no less important than classical school education, aimed at expanding knowledge and increasing IQ.
Also, a book of the same name by authors John Gottman and Joan Decler is dedicated to the emotional intelligence of a child. She offers parents a method by which they can identify their parenting style, and with the help of the book, adjust it so that the child learns to harmoniously express emotions and develop his EQ, living a happy life.
The authors of the book examine in detail 4 types of parents with their corresponding child-rearing styles: rejecting, disapproving, non-interfering, emotional. To raise children emotionally, the parent must first have a high level of EQ, and the book helps develop this through a series of consistent steps. For example, to develop sensitivity to a child’s emotions, a parent is asked to first understand what the child is experiencing, then, without being influenced by what sign this emotion is, treat it as a positive opportunity for rapprochement. Then the parent is recommended to actively listen and confirm to the child why his emotion is justified, and agree that its reasons are natural. After this, a competent parent will try to help the child name his emotion, thereby carrying out prevention. And in the end, together with the child, determine how you can express his feelings in an environmentally friendly way towards himself and others, so that it is acceptable and not destructive, and the child has a complete release of emotions, and, consequently, a solution to the emotional problem.
What would seem simpler? However, even the most loving parent makes a lot of mistakes in his upbringing of children, and primarily they are associated with negative unconscious attitudes learned from his parents. And even despite the desire not to repeat them, this is not so easy without special attention to the personal style of education and its adjustment.
Don't turn your strengths into weaknesses
The fashionable steamship Titanic had 16 waterproof compartments in its hull and was considered unsinkable. During its first voyage in 1912, the ship had only about half the required number of lifeboats on board. The ship collided with an iceberg and sank. More than 1,500 people died.
THE God-fearing King Uzziah, who ruled in ancient Jerusalem, was a magnificent military leader. With Jehovah's help, he defeated one enemy after another. “And his [Uzziah’s] name went far and wide, because he protected himself wonderfully and became strong.” But then “his heart was lifted up... and he became a transgressor before the Lord his God.” Because of his pride, Uzziah was stricken with leprosy (2 Chronicles 26:15-21; Proverbs 16:18).
What can be learned from these two cases is that if virtues are not balanced with wisdom, modesty and humility, they can easily turn into weaknesses or shortcomings. This is very serious, because one way or another, each of us has our own virtues or gifts, and we want them to bring benefit and joy to both ourselves and others, especially our Creator. Of course, we need to make full use of whatever gift God has given us, but at the same time we need to ensure that that gift always remains a valuable asset.
For example, a person who loves his job can easily turn this gift into a disadvantage: he can become a workaholic. A cautious person is not so easily fooled or deceived, but caution can develop into a fear of making decisions. Efficiency is an excellent quality, but if we think only about it and do not take into account that we are surrounded by real people, then the atmosphere at work can become cold and harsh, not bringing any joy. So take a moment to think about what strengths you have. Are you using them well? Do they please others? And, most importantly, are you using them to honor Jehovah, the Source of “every good gift”? (James 1:17). To do this, let's look at a few more examples of talents, which, if not controlled, can turn into weaknesses, and even shortcomings.
Use your intelligence wisely
High intelligence is an excellent asset. Yet it can turn into weakness if we become overconfident or develop self-importance, especially when we are excessively praised or flattered. Or we may develop a speculative attitude toward God's Word and Bible-based study publications.
Self-confidence can manifest itself in different ways. For example, when given an assignment to speak at a Christian congregation—either a public talk or a talk at a Theocratic Ministry School—a capable person may wait until the last minute to prepare and may not even pray to Jehovah for blessing. He relies on his knowledge and ability to speak impromptu. Natural ability may cover up a person's sluggishness for a time, but without Jehovah's blessing his spiritual growth will be slowed and perhaps even stopped. What a neglect of a wonderful gift! (Proverbs 3:5, 6; James 3:1).
A person with a keen mind may also develop a speculative attitude towards the Bible and its study aids. But speculation only “puffs up” or inflates pride, like a soap bubble. It does not “edify” or create loving Christian relationships (1 Corinthians 8:1; Galatians 5:26). A spiritual person, no matter how capable he may be, always prays for the spirit of God and trusts his guidance. As such a person grows equally well in love, humility, knowledge, and wisdom, his strengths become increasingly valuable (Colossians 1:9, 10).
Ability will also turn into weakness if it causes us to develop an ego that reflects a lack of modesty. Perhaps the gifted man and those who flatter him forget that Jehovah “does not love the proud, who think themselves wiser than all others.” “With the humble comes wisdom,” says God’s Word (Proverbs 11:2). The Apostle Paul - although he was a very smart and highly educated man - told the Corinthians: “When I came to you, brothers, I came.
We believe it is necessary in our course of differential psychology to establish the now well-known concept emotional intellect, for its role is noticeable not only in understanding our differences from each other, but also in the general awareness of our own emotions.
Emotional intelligence Emotionalintelligence) - a psychological concept that arose in 1990 and was introduced into scientific use by American scientists P. Salouway and J. Mayer. At the moment, there are several concepts of emotional intelligence and there is no single point of view on the content of this concept.
- as defined by Mayer and Salovey - a group of mental abilities that stimulate awareness and understanding of one’s own emotions and the emotions of others. This approach, considered the most orthodox, is called the capabilities model.
Within the framework of the ability model, the following hierarchically organized abilities are distinguished: components of emotional intelligence:
- perception and expression of emotions;
- increasing the efficiency of thinking using emotions;
- understanding one's own and others' emotions;
- managing emotions.
This hierarchy is based on the following principles.
The ability to recognize and express emotions is the basis for generating emotions of the day in solving specific problems of a procedural nature. These two classes of abilities (recognizing and expressing emotions and using them in solving problems) are the basis for the externally manifested ability to understand the events that precede and follow emotions. All of the abilities described above are necessary for the internal regulation of one’s own emotional states and successful influences on the external environment, leading to the regulation of not only one’s own, but also those of others.
It should be noted that emotional intelligence in this concept is considered a subsystem of social intelligence.
Proponents of the ability model examine emotional intelligence using a variety of problem-solving test techniques. The most developed and complex technique is MSCEIT. In each task, the solution of which reflects the development of one of the four above-mentioned components of emotional intelligence, there are several answer options, and the subject must choose one of them. Scoring can be done in several ways - based on consensus (the score for a particular answer option is correlated with the percentage of a representative sample who chose the same option) or based on expert judgment (the score is correlated with the proportion of a relatively small sample of experts who chose the same answer).
Now about the mixed model of emotional intelligence.
According to the American psychologist D. Goleman, emotional intellect- this is a person’s ability to interpret his own emotions and the emotions of others in order to use the information received to achieve his own goals. There are four main components of emotional intelligence (EQ):
- self-awareness;
- self-control;
- empathy;
- relationship skills.
In fact, one of the most significant advances in the study of emotional culture occurred in 1980, when psychologists Raven and Bar-On began their work in this area.
The concept of emotional intelligence is often found in the literature devoted to the problem of effective leadership. The aforementioned D. Goleman identifies a fifth component: motivation.
All emotional intelligence experts, speaking about our differences in this aspect, highlight and biological its prerequisites:
- parents' EQ level;
- right-hemisphere type of thinking:
- properties of temperament.
AND social development prerequisites:
- syntony (emotional reaction of the environment to the child’s actions);
- degree of development of self-awareness;
- confidence in emotional competence;
- parental education level and family income;
- emotionally healthy relationship between parents;
- androgyny (self-control and restraint in girls, empathy and tender feelings in boys);
- external locus of control;
- religiosity.
Thus, the structure of emotional intelligence looks like this:
- conscious regulation of emotions;
- understanding (comprehension) of emotions;
- recognizing and expressing emotions;
- the use of emotions in mental activity.