Moral suppression. Psychological pressure: protection against manipulation in several steps

Human life is always multifaceted. We have many different roles that we play depending on the circumstances of fate. There are such life turns when we have to subordinate people to ourselves or bend for the sake of other people's interests. In both the first and second cases, we must know the secret methods of psychological suppression, so that, if necessary, we can either “attack” or “defend.”

It should immediately be noted that there are a great many techniques for suppressing or, in other words, manipulating the opponent’s consciousness, some of which we freely use in life without even realizing it, while others can be mastered only after long training.

False questioning technique.

The manipulative effect is that the manipulator pretends that he wants to clarify something in more detail for himself, for this purpose he asks the opponent again. However, he repeats his words only at the beginning, and then partially, skillfully changing the meaning of what the opponent said to please himself, that is, introducing a different semantic load of conclusions.

To resist, you need to listen extremely carefully to the words of the manipulator, and, having noticed a catch, correct what he said with your remarks. Moreover, this must be done even when the manipulator is trying to move on to another issue, pretending that he does not notice the clarifications.

Deliberate topic jumping.

This technique is based on the fact that after voicing certain information, the manipulator immediately jumps to another topic, without giving the opponent the opportunity to “protest” the first one. Naturally, the opponent’s attention is automatically reoriented to new data, thereby creating the opportunity for the primary “unprotested” information to enter the subconscious.

In psychology, there is an axiom that after information is in the subconscious, after some time it passes into consciousness, that is, it is realized by a person. This rule especially works when the information was presented vividly and emotionally.

In addition, deliberate haste allows the manipulator to touch on many topics at once, skillfully bypassing the “censorship” of the opponent’s psyche. At the right moment, part of the unconscious information will influence the opponent’s consciousness in a way beneficial to the manipulator.

Pseudo-inattention of the manipulator.

This technique is based on the manipulator’s falsely indifferent perception of the opponent’s words, thereby psychologically forcing the interlocutor to prove the significance of his beliefs. By managing the information coming from the opponent, the manipulator easily receives information that the opponent had not previously intended to post. A similar circumstance of an opponent’s behavior is inherent in psychology, when a person, at all costs, must prove that he is right with the entire chain of facts available.

False love.

The manipulator plays out in front of his opponent a state of adoration, intense love, excessive veneration, thereby seeking from him incomparably more than would be the case if he openly asked for something.

To protect yourself, your opponent must always have a “cold mind” and not succumb to provocations, regardless of the feelings and behavior of the person in front of you.

Furious pressure.

This method becomes possible due to the fact that the person at whom someone’s anger is directed intuitively tries to “calm down” the angry person. Thus, he subconsciously agrees to make concessions to the manipulator.

To protect yourself, you need to show the manipulator your complete calm and indifference to what is happening, thus confusing him. Or, on the contrary, seize the initiative by responding with verbal anger with an additional visual effect, that is, touching the manipulator’s hand or shoulder.

Excessive suspicion.

A similar technique works when the manipulator acts out excessive suspicion in front of the interlocutor in any matter. Psychologically, the opponent tries to “justify himself,” thereby weakening the protective barrier of his psyche. At the right moment, the manipulator just has to “push” the desired attitudes into the interlocutor’s subconscious.

An option for defense is strong-willed confrontation, one’s own self-confidence.

Imaginary fatigue.

The manipulator pretends that he is very tired. He doesn’t have the strength to carry on a conversation, listen to objections, or prove anything; he just needs rest, and the sooner the better. Naturally, the object of manipulation tries to end negotiations faster, often agreeing to the terms of the manipulator, who only needs this.

To protect yourself, you need to clearly understand the rule - do not give in to provocations!

A courtesy extended.

During the conversation, the manipulator, in a conspiratorial tone, supposedly “in a friendly way,” tells the opponent how best to act in the proposed situation. Naturally, the advice is the decision that he personally needs.

To protect yourself, you need to understand that for any decision you need to “pay the bills,” and therefore only your opponent needs to make it.

The particular factor is either from details to error.

The manipulator focuses the opponent’s attention on one specific detail of the conversation, preventing him from focusing on the main thing. Based on this, the opponent’s consciousness concludes that the detail is emphasized and there is no alternative meaning of what was said, although in fact, this is not true. This situation often occurs in life, when we judge something without having all the information in our hands, based on one fact.

In order not to become a simpleton, you need to strive for self-improvement and constantly update information on issues important for negotiations.

Manipulation with a grin.

At the very beginning of the conversation, the manipulator chooses an ironic tone, as if casting doubt on all the opponent’s words. In this case, the opponent very quickly “loses his temper”, thereby, in a state of anger, he loses the ability to think critically and makes it difficult to “censor” his consciousness. During this process, consciousness easily misses information that was previously prohibited.

For effective defense, the opponent must, without losing composure, show complete indifference to the behavior of the manipulator.

Interruption as a way for thoughts to escape.

The manipulator does not give the opponent the opportunity to express his point of view, constantly interrupting him and directing his train of thought in a different direction that is beneficial to the provocateur.

As a counteraction, it is necessary either not to pay attention to the manipulator’s remarks, or to openly ridicule his behavior.

Simulated bias.

At the beginning of the meeting, the manipulator hints to the opponent that he believes that he is unreasonably biased towards him. The opponent, trying to justify himself, that is, to prove the opposite, often follows the provoker’s lead, agreeing to conditions that are not favorable to himself.

To protect yourself, it is necessary to critically evaluate the words of the manipulator.

Specific terminology or misleading information.

In his conversation, the manipulator deliberately uses an excessive number of specific terms, carefully selecting those that are little known to the opponent. The opponent, afraid of being caught in illiteracy, does not clarify what lies behind these concepts, thereby not grasping the full meaning of what is happening.

The way to counteract is to always clarify what is unclear.

Through humiliation to victory.

The manipulator discredits the opponent, introducing him into a state of altered consciousness by categorically accusing him of stupidity. Often the opponent “gets lost” and his thoughts are confused, thereby presenting the manipulator with an amazing opportunity to encode the psyche and impose his ideas.

To protect yourself, you need to learn to “turn off your brain” and not pay attention to the meaning of the words of the provocateur. You can pretend that you are carefully following the progress of the conversation, and either “think about your own” or focus on the details of the interior, the wardrobe of the negotiators, etc.

Wrong assumption.

During the conversation, the manipulator deliberately leaves the meaning unfinished, thereby forcing the opponent to second guess what he said. Often the opponent does not even notice that he is mistaken. If the deception is discovered, the opponent gets the impression that he himself misunderstood or misheard something and, due to his stupidity, fell into a trap.

To defend effectively, your opponent needs to make a decision based on the facts.

“Yes,” or the path to agreement.

The manipulator constructs the conversation in such a way that the opponent has to constantly respond to his remarks with his consent. After several agreements, the provocateur unobtrusively pushes his main idea, leading to the solution he needs.

To protect yourself, it is necessary to sharply “knock down” the direction of the conversation.

Blame on theory or perceived lack of practice.

The manipulator, having carefully listened to the opponent’s conclusions, makes a “verdict” that all his words are correct only in theory, in practice everything will be completely different. Thus, making it clear that the opponent’s thoughts “are not worth a damn,” therefore, there is no point in taking them seriously.

For effective defense, you need to be confident in yourself and not pay attention to the conjectures of the provocateur.

These methods will work on absolutely any person, because, despite the fact that each of us is individual, the components of the human psyche are structured the same way in everyone, with the few exceptions of small details.

Not to say that in my daily life there are many animals around me so that I can speak about their psychology as an expert. On the contrary, my contacts with them amount to only a few. What then prompted me to sit down at the computer? When I tell about this experience to my friends who adhere to an exclusively tolerant and internationalist view of life, such as “there are no bad nations, there are bad people,” they suddenly say “yes, I saw something similar at work, although I didn’t think deeply about what is happening,” “yes, if you analyze my experience, I have witnessed similar tricks, although I didn’t attach any special significance to them, although they probably should have.” My social circle is people with higher education, more or less successful in life. And the fact that they don’t see such simple things around them never ceases to shock me. The last straw in my patience was a conversation with a friend of mine, the head of the sales department of a small Moscow company. Anyone who has worked as a “sales person” knows that psychological trainings are often organized for workers in this profession, where they are taught how to more effectively sell a person something that he may not even want to buy. These psychotechniques, of course, are not aimed at suppressing the personality, it is more a way of manipulating the personality, but still from the same background. He said, “Yes, we have an employee at work, he behaves exactly as you describe. I have not analyzed his behavior before, but most likely you are right.”

My shock after this is difficult to describe in words: a person who is constantly taught how to be brainwashed does not notice when he is being brainwashed! That is why at some point I realized that there are many people around me who need simple education on the topic of some simple tricks that “Caucasian supermen” use every day to sit on our necks.

Looking forward, I would be glad if readers - and among them there will probably be professional psychologists - would leave their thoughts on what was written. I would also like to hear if there is literature or training on methods of psychological suppression of the individual and ways to combat them. Now I will simply share my observations and the methods that I came up with for myself.

So...

We have a Georgian in our team. His name, let's say, is Goga. And there is a Russian, for example, Vanya. I've only just recently arrived at a new job. And Vanya and I more or less got along. We don’t smoke, but we want to talk about life, so we often take tea breaks. Before that, Vanya had tea with Goga, and when I settled in a little in the new place, I fit into their company.

Vanya introduced Goga as a good guy, you don’t want to start a war during tea breaks, on the contrary, you want to relax in the company of good people, and I began to treat him simply as a good friend and did not expect meanness.

Therefore, the first time they “fucked” me was completely simple.

Usually one of the three of us thinks it's time for tea. Then this someone puts the kettle on and calls the others. One day that someone was me: I went into Goga’s office, then Vanya’s, and called them. When I arrived at the teapot, Goga was already towering over it. He just stood and looked at the kettle: the kettle was empty. “I don’t understand, you invited us to drink tea without boiling water?! What kind of invitation is this?” - Goga asked in a raised voice. I tensed up, took the kettle and went to get water. While I was walking, I was thinking hard (my mistake - you don’t need to think in such situations!): Did I really do something so terrible by not boiling the water in advance? Or did they just come at me stupidly? But if they did, then why? We didn’t share the road on the street, we are good friends! I tried to try on this situation for myself and every time I simulated it, I realized that if I or Vanya came to an empty kettle, then we would go and bring water without further ado, no matter who invited us for tea! Well, simply because there is no reason to get into a pose! Maybe in Georgia it’s really considered disrespectful to friends if you invite them to an empty table? It seemed too petty to start a conflict over this (my mistake - the conflict should have started!) and I decided to just see what happens when Goga calls for tea.

From this experience, as well as after discussing this topic with friends, I made a very important conclusion for myself, which we will consider the first lesson of our home psychotraining.

1. Many nationalities are essentially animals. Therefore, some features of their behavior can only be understood by analogy with the animal world (for example, watching “Animal Planet” can be a good help in understanding). Each social animal constantly finds out its status in the group, in other words, finds out who is in charge. The closer an anthropoid is to nature, the more persistently he inquires about his status. And on the contrary, the more civilized, the more smoothed out this function is.

I can’t say with certainty what makes them more animalistic than us: maybe genes, or maybe just cultural environment or upbringing. But this understanding will not help us in any way in solving problems related to animals, so we will not dwell on this.

A very characteristic feature of psychological suppression is a loud voice. When I lived in the USA, I had the misfortune to observe this: on public transport, blacks constantly speak in a raised voice, sometimes almost shouting (the same applies to Turks in Europe and Caucasians in Russia). Of course, they yell at each other, among themselves, but the psychological pressure is felt directly by the skin.

My wife took English courses in the States, where a zoo gathered from all over the world. From the first classes she came dumbfounded: the students there were not more or less civilized American blacks, but real big-eared and big-nosed blacks who had just arrived from the jungles of Africa, and they didn’t talk to each other - they just screamed, and they screamed like we scream only at rallies. It was impossible to talk while standing next to them: the interlocutors simply could not hear each other.

In such a situation, a civilized person again falls into the trap of his civilization. Any monkey in this case would not think: if an anthropoid is yelling next to you, even if not at you, then he is simply finding out who is in charge here. And the natural reaction is to start yelling louder than him. Whoever is louder is in charge. If the monkey is unhappy with being shouted down, then the conflict will escalate. But it is difficult for a civilized person to descend to the level of an animal; his mind turns on. And the mind says that, in principle, speaking in a raised voice is not prohibited by law and that we must be understanding of the fact that blacks are in full swing of emotions and that, perhaps, we ourselves sometimes do not speak very quietly, and so on, and so on, and so on . All this is a lie and self-deception; no emotions simmer in them more than they simmer in ours. All this is nonsense and propaganda about their hormones, about the length of their penises and so on (and even if sometimes it is longer, this is not a reason for him to lick it). Only one thing is not nonsense and this will be the second lesson of our training

2. A raised tone of voice, shouting, even if it does not directly relate to you, is a way of psychological suppression of the individual and at the same time clarifying one’s status in the group. If the animal sees that it is possible to scream next to you, then next time it will scream at you. It is dangerous to enter into the position of such “personalities” and treat the first tentative attack on you with understanding.

Almost always, a simple polite request to speak more quietly calms presumptuous monkeys. Although, of course, you can become stupid if on every trip you approach blacks and ask them to speak more quietly. Still, it was a huge mistake to bring them to the States.

After a short digression, let's return to our “tea story”.

So, I didn’t have to wait long, and one day, after Goga’s invitation to drink tea, when I approached the kettle, it was empty. I was already mentally preparing to tell him his own phrase: “Did you invite us to an empty teapot?” (my mistake - you shouldn’t limit yourself in a conflict only to those methods that your opponent has already used, otherwise you will always lose). Goga turned around, handed me a kettle and said, “Go get some water.” I won’t pretend to be a hero: it was an unexpected move and it completely unsettled me. It was pointless to say the prepared phrase, I should have just said “Are you crazy?”, but the phrase was in my head, I had previously limited myself in choosing a “weapon” and therefore for about three seconds I just stupidly blinked my eyes with a kettle in my hands. The funny thing is that I took it from Goga’s hands right away, the “attack” was so unexpected. After that, I no longer had any questions about assessing what was happening: I was tilted. Moreover, now I understood that the first time I was also tilted, it was just that that “tilt” was a test ball, followed by another, more specific one. I went to get water and was choked with anger at myself. I understood that the fact that they could tilt me ​​was only my fault.

After that I asked myself the question “what should I do?” and almost immediately decided that the next time they tried to bend me over, I would not limit myself in the harshness of my response. Yes, of course, it's inconvenient! You are afraid to start a return that is disproportionate to the initial action; you think that you can’t get a three-letter sentence simply because you were told to draw water. That you can’t hit someone in the face just for pushing you. Some inner voice constantly holds me back and says “reaction must be proportionate to action.” But on the other hand, as A. Kochergin writes, “the humiliation of the enemy is the goal of any conflict.” I was humiliated, humiliated twice already, why should I think about his feelings if he doesn’t give a damn about mine???

You probably won’t be surprised that soon I was again told in an orderly tone to go get some water. The answer was simple: “We have no lackeys!” I don’t remember whether it was homemade or not, but in this case, the feeling with which I said it was more important - I clearly programmed myself that I absolutely don’t give a damn if I say something too offensive or too harsh.

Now we are ready to learn the third important lesson of our training.

3. The animal constantly tries to increase its status in the group by humiliating those around it. Some people think that you can endure humiliation once and it will not happen again. This is a dangerous misconception. The behavior of the animals is most clearly characterized by the proverb “Give me a finger and it will bite off your hand” (our ancestors knew who they were dealing with).

This is similar to how a crocodile swallows prey that it managed to bite on the leg. Over and over again, with sharp movements, he moves his teeth further and further along the victim’s body until he swallows it all. Likewise, the animals around us are constantly trying to “bite our finger.” If he doesn’t get a rebuff right away, then they’ll bite your whole arm, and then they’ll sit on your neck and dangle your legs, simultaneously convincing you that everything is as it should be and that it’s right and fair. If in this process you allow your brain to insert even a word in defense of the animal, then your legs will hang from your neck. This is purely an animal tactic of suppression and your brain in this case is your enemy.

Let us return, however, to our story again. What do you think happened after the answer “we have no lackeys”? Goga abruptly backed down, feigned sincere surprise and asked in an unctuous voice that it was really difficult for me to pour water. After this, I had no doubts that the animal in front of me was left: after the aggression was stopped more sharply than he expected, he backed down and almost became sick. I replied that it was difficult. He silently went off to pour water.

"What if I didn't go?" the reader will ask. Now the answer is obvious to me: one of my friends once said that in such situations it is necessary to radicalize the conflict and offer to punch the opponent in the face. That is why if you are worried about the idea that everything will end in a fist fight, then I strongly recommend that you sign up for a boxing class. I myself have been going there for four months now. I have never come to the point of a fist fight, but the understanding that I can give a worthy rebuff to aggression adds confidence.

So, after I stopped trying to make a lackey out of me, I assumed that the clarification of my status was over. Unfortunately, I was wrong and my mistake will become the fourth important lesson of our training.

4. If you once firmly put the animal in its place, this does not mean that it will no longer try to climb onto your neck. There will always be attempts, sometimes they will even be disguised as friendship. And you must always suppress them harshly, otherwise they will sit on your neck.

Again, I don’t know how to explain this strange feature of their behavior for me. Probably for the animal world it is natural that an individual constantly checks whether the balance of power in the hierarchy of seniority has changed (what if the enemy is old or sick and this is a chance to finish him off?). Personally, it really annoys me that when I go to drink tea to take a little break from work, I have to constantly be on guard, be prepared for the animal to start probing again to see if I’m ready to fight back. And it would bother me if I myself began to engage in such “probing” of status. But for them, apparently, such behavior, on the contrary, is natural and comfortable. This cannot be explained by the logic of a civilized person, so you just need to constantly remember that next to you is a monkey, not a person.

Perhaps you want to know the current situation in our small team? Please. I’m already tired of this animal, so when it doesn’t burrow too much, I simply ignore it, and when it burrows too much, I suggest the animal go outside and find out all the questions there. When tested, the animal turned out to be cowardly, although it has impressive dimensions, does not want to go outside and temporarily stops its attempts.

Finally, I’ll tell you another situation of an attempt at psychological suppression on the part of this Goga. I have a neighbor in my office, his name is Dima. One day Dima and I were sitting and working. And on the floor in the corridor in front of the office that day, a dried blood stain appeared from somewhere. Naturally, it was not Dimina’s or my blood, otherwise we would have wiped it away. Any normal person understands this. And then Goga walks past our office (our door is always open), stops in front of this spot and examines it picturesquely for 5 seconds. At that moment I already understood that an attack was being prepared like “why didn’t you wipe it off?” and the answer was already ready: “because it’s not ours.” But the animal was able to surprise me. He asked in a bossy tone, “What do you have here?” and pointed his finger at the floor. The trick worked for both of us: I felt an impulse inside me to get up and come over, and Dima even began to get up. Looking over the situation now, I understand that all these methods of psychological suppression are essentially primitive in an animal way. Both Goga and we knew perfectly well what we had there - it was a dried blood stain! Still, we were both going to come and look. Here I have to give myself a big plus, because I came to my senses in time.

Do you see the cleaning ladies here? - I asked Goga.
- No. - he answered and bulged his rodent eyes.
- Maybe you are our boss? - I asked.
- No, well... - came another answer.
- Then what is the problem?
- You have a blood stain here, you need to wipe it off!
- If this was our stain, it would have been wiped off long ago, but now fuck off.

From this story I will derive the last, fifth rule of our training.

In life, we often come across the use of “forbidden tricks” regarding our personality. They do not allow us to fully assess the situation and confuse us. As a result of their actions, we allow other people to sit on our necks, enter into unfavorable contracts and make inadequate promises. All this is a consequence of the psychological pressure exerted on us.

Often, none of the participants in the communication process is aware of what is happening. People who use “forbidden techniques” do it unconsciously, and even more so, it is not monitored by the “victim”. If this situation is painfully familiar to you, then you are probably already tired of it.

Guilt

How manipulators love to use it! The feeling of guilt that arises is an excellent reason to get what is needed from you. We feel guilty for many things: for the manner of communication, lack of attention to other people, our lifestyle, our desires, etc. Usually, if you often experience such a state, this may indicate a special personality structure.

The same event can be perceived by partners in completely different ways. Manipulators often use this.

To resist psychological pressure using guilt, you need to understand one thing: you have the right to be yourself, to have your own desires and boundaries. That is, you practically owe nothing to anyone. Separate the wheat from the chaff: outline for yourself the range of obligations that you voluntarily undertake (caring for a child or parents, time devoted to friends, a little help for colleagues) and their limits. Then it will be easier to focus on them when someone else tries to get the behavior they need from you.

You can, of course, play along with the manipulator a little, but only so that he calms down and does not increase the pressure. Tell the other person “no.” This is the most effective way to disown what is being imposed on you. Avoid explanations altogether - they give the manipulator a hook to latch onto. Don't forget to track at what moments your feelings of guilt turn on - most likely, they will be associated with your personal weaknesses.

Moral Suppression

A method often used by aggressive, personally defective people. They cannot solve their problems in an adult way and begin to actively humiliate those with whom they communicate. This is manifested in belittling social status, blows to pride, switching attention from important details to subjective ones, and the use of rhetorical questions.

In practice, such a strategy may look different. For example, a mother shouting at her child: “Do you even know what you’re doing! How can you be such an idiot! Or important negotiations during which your opponent makes a remark about a stain on your clothes. A man who makes fun of his partner's fatness. The mechanism of operation is quite simple: our attention is focused on our own inferiority, we cease to adequately monitor the situation, and we feel the desire to somehow “butter up” our interlocutor.

First you need to think about why a person is telling you such things. You can ask him directly: “For what purpose did you voice this?” It is likely that he will not find anything to answer you, or will start saying all sorts of nonsense. When it becomes obvious to you that this is a type of psychological pressure, pull yourself together and say: “He is doing this on purpose in order to get something from me. Therefore, the issue is not my inferiority, but my partner’s inability to discuss his needs honestly and in an adult way. I will not be upset by his words, but will concentrate my attention on the thing that is important to me at this moment.”

Psychological pressure

We rarely come across this method in everyday life. Collection agencies, unscrupulous lawyers, and bandits resort to it. Massive psychological pressure occurs when they begin to influence you using various “strings”: they call your friends, relatives and acquaintances, find out what you are doing, disrupt negotiations or some plans.

People around you are worried and constantly talk about these threats to you. It is worth reassuring them by explaining the situation. You need to try to do everything in your power to stop these actions: contact creditors or make a life-changing decision for someone. In any case, it is worth conveying to bad people the fact that their actions only make you angry and provoke you to take actions opposite to what they expected.

Reducing the distance can also be an element of psychological pressure. Each of us has our own personal space, which we try to protect from strangers. If a person's goal is to confuse you and make you think chaotically, then you can't think of a better way. The solution is very simple - define your boundaries, move away from the person to a safe distance, letting him understand that shortening the distance risks ending the dialogue.

Distortion of information

It is much easier to make a wise decision if you have all the information you can. If someone is more interested in one outcome than another, they will misrepresent the information. This can be expressed in concealing some facts, focusing your attention on others. Focusing on specific details rather than on the overall main problem works the same way. Then there is a very high probability that such a reorientation will lead you to a strictly defined decision, which is what the interlocutor intended.

Some tend to use all kinds of rumors, gossip and speculation as decisive arguments. For example, your friend tells you: “Why do you need to breastfeed your baby after six months? There’s nothing healthy left in the milk anyway!” Moreover, she herself immediately after birth switched the child to artificial feeding, and if you do the same, she will not have a feeling of guilt. In an attempt to pressure you, she uses a well-known myth about breastfeeding that can really influence your decision.

But there are situations in which there are no clear and obvious boundaries. Most often this concerns relationships between people. Human behavior is determined by many reasons, and in trying to understand them, we often turn to the advice of our friends. For example, you had a fight with a guy and he doesn’t answer the phone. These actions can be interpreted in different ways, but the friend says: “What are you talking about! If he doesn’t love you, leave him!” It's quite easy to fall for this.

The way out in this situation is simple, but labor-intensive - to be attentive and critical to the information provided to you. Try to double-check the facts that those around you present to you under the guise of truisms - they are full of myths and misconceptions. In difficult situations, try to listen to the opinions of experts: doctors, lawyers, psychologists, etc. And most importantly, try to rely on yourself and your opinion, because this is the only way you can live on your own, and not according to someone else’s orders.

Effect on thinking, perception and memory

The psyche and its basis - the nervous system - ladies are very capricious. Their functioning is influenced by a lot of things - from environmental parameters to your mood, which sometimes all sorts of unscrupulous manipulators try to take advantage of. For example, gypsies. They overload all channels of perception with various signals - they make noise, shake their colored skirts, touch - and you fall into a trance. As a result of this, there is a risk of being left without money, gold jewelry and other valuables - it’s good if you don’t let them into the apartment! It’s not easy to resist this, but there is a way out: run as fast as you can if you feel this method being applied to yourself.

The moment when you are in a hurry or feel tired is by no means ideal for making significant decisions. If at this time someone is trying to push important papers for you to sign or demands some promises from you, feel free to ask him for a delay and explain that you will consider this issue in more suitable conditions. The same applies to noise, bustle, stuffiness and other unpleasant surroundings.

Direct threats

As a rule, they are used when everything else fails, and a person needs to achieve his goal. Typically, situations using this method are related to finance or power. Sometimes this may be evidence that the person is on his last legs and is ready to do anything to come to an agreement with you. A sort of “cornered rat.” Whether to compromise with him or not is up to you.

In any case, you should try to resolve the conflict as peacefully as possible, even if you heard a direct threat addressed to you. Try to discuss what you heard with someone who is above the situation and is able to think soberly. It is possible that, upon closer examination, the threat is not worth a damn. And it is possible that pressure may actually be put on you. In this case, it’s up to you to decide whether to stand your ground completely, attracting all possible resources, or give up on it and make concessions. However, remember that those who have succumbed to threats at least once are likely to continue to be threatened in the future.

Compulsion

They resort to it only when there is some kind of force, otherwise no one will succumb. Examples of such power can be physical qualities, power, money, information. A person who is forced to do something knows about the process that is taking place - as opposed to manipulation. You can try to protect yourself from him by hinting to the “oppressor” that he is acting aggressively - some do not like to admit this. However, if this does not bother a person, then it is very difficult to resist this type of pressure.

Humiliation

Another type of psychological pressure, expressed in the aggressor’s desire to morally “crush the victim.” In this situation, you can hear a lot of unpleasant things about yourself: you are stupid, scary, clumsy, untalented, disorganized, etc. Being in a state of psychological prostration, you lose control over the situation, and at this moment it is very convenient to put pressure on you: “ Can you at least do this?” The idea is that in a sober mind, you would never agree to anything, but then personal defense mechanisms and the desire to prove your own worth come into play. By the way, this technique works solely due to self-doubt.

Stepping aside

This type of psychological pressure stands apart from all others, since its essence lies in attempts to starve you out. Simply put, when they try to put pressure on you, and you want to clarify this, the person begins to slip into unrelated topics or even goes into “sheer defense”: “Well, what are you doing, huh?” Or asks why you always say nasty things about him. In this case, it is necessary to track the moment of leaving each time and return to the starting point: “No, we’ll deal with me later, we’re talking about you now.” If you are persistent, then there is a chance that the aggressor will lag behind you with his pressure.

Suggestion

This is a type of psychological influence on a person, after which he begins to uncritically “swallow” information imposed on him from the outside

The person using this method must be an authority for his victim, otherwise the trick will not work. An extreme version of suggestion is hypnosis, but it can also be used in a waking state. For this, as a rule, games with voice, intonation and other semi-conscious moments are used. Paradoxically, there are people who are generally resistant to suggestion, and you are lucky if you are one of them.

Belief

The most rational type of psychological pressure. It appeals to reason and human logic. Therefore, people with a normal level of intelligence and development of thinking are subject to it - the rest simply will not understand what they are being told here. Speech that includes beliefs is usually as logical, consistent and demonstrative as possible - as soon as the victim’s consciousness catches the slightest inconsistency, the whole structure immediately collapses.

About manipulation

Its essence boils down to the desire to change the behavior, worldview or perception of another person using a hidden, violent or deceptive strategy.

The interests of the manipulator are realized at the expense of the victim, which is why manipulation is considered unethical. Psychologists' views on this vary greatly. Some believe that the result of an action sometimes justifies the means. For example, when a doctor convinces a patient to start taking medication. Or the mother, wanting the child to put on a hat, asks him: “Which hat will you wear - red or blue?” - without giving him the opportunity to refuse. Others rightly believe that a person should be provided with all the information, but his freedom of choice and decision should be respected, even if it seems wrong to us.

Manipulations aimed (albeit indirectly) at realizing the interests of the “victim” are extremely rare. Usually this is still a desire to gain personal benefit at the expense of others. Manipulation is a hidden type of psychological pressure - a person does not understand either the true motives of the manipulator or the fact of influence. The gain is one-sided.

It is not easy to manipulate people - this requires a certain level of knowledge of psychology, the ability to sense other people's weak points, composure and prudence. The person who decides to do this is quite cruel and does not worry about harming the victim.

Manipulators rely on different foundations with which they manage to control human consciousness. Needs and desires have been used since ancient times to influence a person psychologically. Take, for example, the well-known Russian passion for “freebies” - the desire to get the maximum winnings while spending less. This is how many scammers got rich.

Each of us in life is guided by certain ideals and values, which include ideas about good and evil, what is right and wrong, etc.... So, based on them, it is quite easy for another person to manipulate us. For example, giving alms to a beggar seems to be a manifestation of kindness and compassion, although it has long been known that most such donations go into the pockets of the scammers behind it.

Intelligence and logic can also be manipulated. For example, using complex and long diagrams, laying out numerous numbers and cause-and-effect relationships. This is often used by network marketing professionals who encourage you to join their cause: “Invest just three pennies and get huge profits from the following sources...”. As a rule, this scheme contains several logical errors, due to which you see the result that is beneficial to the manipulator.

It is very convenient to manipulate a person’s irrational ideas. These include beliefs and beliefs that are divorced from objective reality, which are formed during a person’s life and which are very difficult to change from the outside. There are plenty of them in the minds of each of us, for example:

• I have to take responsibility for everything.
• If you are asked for something, then you must help.
• I should always sympathize and help other people.
• Any service requires gratitude.
• Everyone around me should love me.

It is enough for the manipulator to “press” on one of these “sore calluses”, and the person turns into an almost trouble-free creature. Moreover, the power of these attitudes is enormous, and thanks to them, almost any unpleasant and inconvenient actions can be achieved from us.

Well, the most fertile ground for manipulation is our feelings and emotions. When someone makes you emotional, it is very easy to use this for your own selfish purposes. Women manipulate men, men manipulate women, parents manipulate children, and vice versa. For example: “You love me and won’t allow me to travel on public transport.” And this can continue indefinitely, since feelings are an inexhaustible source of energy.

Methods of psychological influence

Psychological pressure can be embodied in a variety of techniques - it all depends on the imagination of the aggressor. However, you need to know the basic methods of manipulating consciousness in order to resist them. As you know, forewarned is forearmed, and this one hundred percent applies to everything related to psychological pressure.

Trance

One of the oldest ways to influence the human psyche. It plunges our consciousness into a special state in which the ability to analyze information and make informed decisions is lost. Perception focuses on one thing, naturally beneficial to the manipulator. You can be put into a trance in different ways - most often monotonous stimuli are used, for example, monotonous speech, rapidly changing pictures, swinging of a pendulum, etc.... In such a state, consciousness is especially vulnerable to pressure, so they can verbally suggest something to you or provoke you to unwanted actions.

Using trigger words

These are words that carry an emotional and semantic connotation that is important for the “victim.” They are often resorted to by sellers trying to sell their goods: “Buy a more reliable TV, a more elegant fur coat, more fashionable shorts...”. They reflect any assessment or quality that the “victim” wants to possess.

Adjustment

It is expressed in the fact that a person copies certain components of your behavior: intonation, breathing rhythm, posture, manner of speaking, gaze, gait, etc.... It would seem that there is nothing wrong with this, but after adjustment the direct psychological impact begins . You are already on the same wavelength as the person, and it is much easier for him to “lead” you in the right direction.

Link to authorities

When you need to convince someone of something, it is often enough to refer to some expert in this field, and that's it - victory in your pocket. By the way, this is a classic version of psychological pressure. Oddly enough, authorities can also make mistakes, but this remains behind the scenes.

Psychological "games"

For example, a child who behaves in an exemplary manner periodically does something out of the ordinary. Perhaps he is simply being mischievous, but most often the matter is different: the child wants to be praised for good behavior, which is perceived by adults as the norm. After misbehavior, the likelihood of receiving praise increases as parents see the contrast. Another example: at work, a boss calls a subordinate and asks him to do a bunch of things by tomorrow. The subordinate’s eyes widen, then the boss says: “Well, okay. At least do this." And the subordinate happily runs off to carry out the assignment, although he would never have signed up for it in the first place.

Exchange of thanks

The technique of pressure is that a person first provides you with some minor favor, which you may not have even asked for, and then persistently hints that it would be nice to thank him for it.

"Weak"

Each of us has been familiar with this technique since childhood, when you are offered a choice: either you do what is required of you, or you will turn out to be bad. Everyone who is not too lazy resorts to it: men, colleagues, bosses, friends and acquaintances, shop assistants. It's paradoxical, but it works!

Image of a happy future

They paint a picture for you of what will happen if you do what they want from you. Our soul is designed in such a way that it strives for a state of joy and psychological comfort, and we are ready to do anything to achieve them. At the same time, the possible inconvenience for us from such an action is simply not taken into account.

Frightening images

If the previous methods do not work, then the person can be demonstrated how bad it will be if the action is not carried out. For example, the boss says: “If you don’t make a report, the company will face fines.” Fear overcomes, and you agree.

Oddly enough, it is much easier to resist psychological pressure than to apply it. You need to realize that you are being manipulated. You may see signs of influence techniques in your partner’s behavior. Insistently drawing your attention to some aspects of the problem and ignoring others should also alert you, as should generous promises that raise reasonable doubt. In your state of manipulation, inexplicable sympathy for your partner, sharp fluctuations in feelings, feelings of lack of time, guilt, obligation may appear - all these things should be a signal that you are being manipulated.

Next, you should inform your interlocutor that he has been “brought to light.” You may question the appropriateness of the actions and decisions that he requires of you. Then offer your own version of interaction, which will primarily suit you.

The manipulator will resist. Then it is useful to ask questions aimed at clarifying the situation: what does he mean when he talks about the problem, what objective conditions and limitations are there, what needs to be done to improve the situation, etc. Clarify why the manipulator chose you and right now - all this will help to track what the aggressor prefers to “pressure”.

One of the first materials by Ron Hubbard, which I came across about 20 years ago, was devoted to the topic of the so-called. "suppressive individuals" He struck me with the clarity and precision of his presentation, I remember, and most importantly, with the absolute absence of any similar analogues in the literature known to me. However, science has come a long way since then. And there are even clearer statements of signs that you are dealing with a typical Suppressive Personality, and this is worth at least being aware of. So, let's go.... -OM

Suppressive people - carriers of malignant narcissism, psychopathy and antisocial traits - often demonstrate inappropriate behavior in relationships, as a result exploiting, humiliating and offending their partners, family and friends.

They use many distracting maneuvers designed to misinform the victim and shift responsibility for what is happening onto him. These techniques are used by narcissistic individuals such as psychopaths and sociopaths to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

We list two dozen not-so-clean techniques with which inadequate people humiliate others and silence them.

1) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative technique that is most easily illustrated by the following typical phrases: “It didn’t happen,” “You imagined it,” and “Are you crazy?”

Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most insidious manipulation techniques because it aims to distort and undermine your sense of reality; it eats away at your ability to trust yourself, and as a result you begin to doubt the validity of your complaints about abuse and mistreatment.

When a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath uses these tactics against you, you automatically take their side to resolve the resulting cognitive dissonance. Two irreconcilable reactions are fighting in your soul: either he is mistaken, or my own feelings. The manipulator will try to convince you that the first is completely excluded, and the last is the pure truth, indicating your inadequacy.

2) Projection

One sure sign of repression is when a person is chronically unwilling to see his own shortcomings and uses everything in his power to avoid responsibility for them. This is called projection.

Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility for one's negative character traits and behavior by attributing them to another. Thus, the manipulator avoids admitting his guilt and responsibility for the consequences.

While we all engage in projection to some degree, narcissistic disorder clinical specialist Dr. Martinez-Levy notes that for narcissists, projection often becomes a form of psychological abuse.

Instead of admitting their own shortcomings, flaws and misdeeds, narcissists and sociopaths choose to blame their own vices on their unsuspecting victims in the most unpleasant and cruel way.

Instead of admitting that they could use some self-care, they choose to instill shame in their victims by making them responsible for their behavior. In this way, the narcissist makes others feel the same bitter shame that he feels towards himself.

For example, a pathological liar may accuse his partner of lying; a needy wife may call her husband “clingy” in an attempt to make him appear dependent; a bad employee may call a boss ineffective to avoid having a truthful conversation about his own performance.

Narcissistic sadists love to play the blame game. The goals of the game: they win, you lose, the result is that you or the whole world as a whole are to blame for everything that happened to them. So you have to nurse their fragile ego and in return you are pushed into a sea of ​​insecurity and self-criticism. Cool idea, right?

Solution? Don't "project" your own feelings of compassion or empathy onto the suppressive person, and don't take on their toxic projections onto yourself. As manipulation expert Dr. George Simon writes in his book In Sheep's Clothing (2010), projecting one's own conscience and value system onto others can encourage further exploitation.

Narcissists on the extreme end of the spectrum tend to be completely uninterested in self-reflection and change. It is important to break off all relationships and ties with suppressive people as soon as possible in order to rely on your own reality and begin to value yourself. You don't have to live in the cesspool of other people's dysfunctions.

3) Hellishly pointless conversations

If you are hoping for thoughtful communication with a suppressive person, you will be disappointed: instead of an attentive interlocutor, you will get an epic brain clog.

Narcissists and sociopaths use stream of consciousness, circle talk, personalization, projection, and gaslighting to confuse and confuse you when you disagree or challenge them.

This is done to discredit, distract and frustrate you, lead you away from the main topic and make you feel guilty for being a living person with real thoughts and feelings that dare to differ from their own. In their eyes, the whole problem is your existence.

All it takes is ten minutes of arguing with a narcissist and you’ll already be wondering how you got into this in the first place. You just disagreed with his ridiculous statement that the sky is red, and now your entire childhood, family, friends, career and lifestyle are mixed with dirt. This is because your disagreement contradicts his false belief that he is all-powerful and all-knowing, which leads to what is called narcissistic injury.

Remember: suppressive people are not arguing with you, they are, in fact, arguing with themselves, you are just an accomplice in a long, exhausting monologue. They love drama and live for it. Trying to come up with an argument to refute their ridiculous claims, you are only throwing more wood on the fire.

Don't feed narcissists - rather feed yourself the understanding that the problem is not you, but their abusive behavior. Stop communication as soon as you feel the first signs of narcissism, and spend this time doing something pleasant.

Narcissists cannot always boast of outstanding intelligence; many of them are not used to thinking at all. Instead of taking the time to understand different points of view, they make generalizations based on whatever you say, ignoring the nuances of your argument and your attempts to take into account different opinions.

And it’s even easier to put some kind of label on you - this automatically negates the value of any of your statements.

On a larger scale, generalizations and unfounded statements are often used to devalue phenomena that do not fit into baseless social prejudices, patterns and stereotypes; they are also used to maintain the status quo.

In this way, one aspect of the problem is blown out of proportion so much that serious conversation becomes impossible. For example, when popular figures are accused of rape, many are quick to cry out that such accusations are sometimes false.

And, although false accusations do occur, they are still quite rare, and in this case, the actions of one person are attributed to the majority, while the specific accusation is ignored.

These everyday microaggressions are typical in oppressive relationships. For example, you tell a narcissist that his behavior is unacceptable, and in response he immediately makes an unfounded statement about your oversensitivity or a generalization like: “You are always unhappy with everything” or “Nothing suits you at all,” instead of paying attention to the real problem that has arisen.

Yes, you may be oversensitive sometimes - but it's just as likely that your abuser is insensitive and callous most of the time.

Stick to the truth and try to resist unfounded generalizations, because they are just a form of completely illogical black-and-white thinking. Behind the suppressive people who throw out unfounded generalizations, there is not the entire wealth of human experience - only their own limited experience, coupled with an inflated sense of self-worth.

5) Deliberate distortion of your thoughts and feelings to the point of complete absurdity

In the hands of a narcissist or sociopath, your differences of opinion, justifiable emotions and real experiences turn into character flaws and evidence of your irrationality.

Narcissists make up stories, paraphrasing what you say to make your position seem absurd or unacceptable. Let's say you point out to a suppressive friend that you don't like the tone in which he speaks to you.

In response, he twists your words: “Oh, and with us, then, you are perfection itself?” or “So you think I’m bad?” - although you just expressed your feelings. This gives them the opportunity to invalidate your right to have thoughts and emotions about their inappropriate behavior and instills guilt in you when you try to set boundaries.

This common distraction is a cognitive bias called “mind reading.” Suppressive people believe they know your thoughts and feelings. They regularly jump to conclusions based on their own reactions instead of listening carefully to you.

They act accordingly based on their own illusions and misconceptions and never apologize for the harm they cause as a result. Great masters of putting words into other people's mouths, they present you as bearers of completely wild intentions and opinions.

They accuse you of thinking they are inadequate even before you make a comment about their behavior, and this is also a form of proactive defense.

The best way to draw a clear line with such a person is to simply say, “I didn’t say that,” and end the conversation if he continues to accuse you of things you didn’t do or say. As long as the suppressive person has the ability to shift blame and deflect the conversation away from his own behavior, he will continue to make you feel ashamed for daring to contradict him about something.

6) Nitpicking and changing the rules of the game

The difference between constructive criticism and overwhelming criticism is the absence of personal attacks and unattainable standards. These so-called "critics" have no desire to help you become a better person - they just love to find fault, put you down, and make you a scapegoat.

Narcissistic sadists and sociopaths resort to a sophism called "game changing" to ensure that they have every reason to be constantly dissatisfied with you. This is when, even after you have provided all kinds of evidence to support your argument or accepted all possible measures to satisfy their request, they present you with a new demand or want more evidence.

Do you have a successful career? The narcissist will find fault with you as to why you are not yet a multimillionaire. Have you satisfied his need to be babysat around the clock? Now prove that you can remain “independent”.

The rules of the game will constantly change and may easily even contradict each other; The only goal of this game is to make you seek the narcissist's attention and approval.

By constantly raising the bar of expectations or completely replacing them with new ones, suppressive manipulators can instill in you a pervasive feeling of worthlessness and a constant fear of inadequacy. By highlighting one minor episode or one mistake you made and blowing it out of proportion, the narcissist forces you to forget about your own strengths and instead worry about your weaknesses or shortcomings all the time.

This forces you to think about the new expectations that you will now have to live up to, and as a result, you bend over backwards to satisfy his every demand - only to find out that he still treats you poorly.

Don’t be fooled by nagging and changing the rules of the game - if a person prefers to suck up some insignificant episode over and over again, while not paying attention to all your attempts to confirm that you are right or satisfy his demands, it means that he is not at all driven by the desire to understand you. He is driven by the desire to instill in you the feeling that you must constantly strive to earn his approval. Appreciate and approve of yourself. Know that you are a whole person and should not constantly feel ungrateful or unworthy.

7) Changing the topic to avoid responsibility

I call this maneuver “what am I doing?” syndrome. This is a literal digression from the topic under discussion in order to shift attention to something completely different. Narcissists do not want to discuss the issue of their personal responsibility, so they steer the conversation in the direction they want. Are you complaining that he doesn't spend time with the kids? It will remind you of the mistake you made seven years ago. This maneuver knows no time or thematic framework and often begins with the words: “And when did you...”

At the public level, these techniques are used to derail discussions that challenge the status quo. A conversation about gay rights, for example, can be derailed if one of the participants raises the issue of another pressing issue, diverting everyone's attention from the original dispute.

As Tara Moss, author of Speaking Out: A 21st Century Handbook for Women and Girls, points out, issues need to be specific to be addressed and addressed properly—that doesn't mean the topics raised along the way aren't important, it just means that for every topic there's its time and its context.

Do not be distructed; if someone is trying to substitute concepts, use the “broken record” method, as I call it: continue to persistently repeat the facts without going away from the topic. Turn the arrows back, say: “That’s not what I’m talking about now. Let's not get distracted." If it doesn't help, stop the conversation and direct your energy in a more useful direction - for example, find someone to talk to who is not stuck at the mental development level of a three-year-old toddler.

8) Hidden and obvious threats

Narcissists and other suppressive personalities feel very uncomfortable when their belief that the whole world owes them, a false sense of superiority or colossal self-esteem is questioned by someone. They tend to make unreasonable demands on others - and at the same time punish you for not meeting their unattainable expectations.

Instead of dealing with differences maturely and seeking compromise, they try to deny you the right to your own opinion, trying to teach you to fear the consequences of any disagreement with them or non-compliance with their demands. They respond to any disagreement with an ultimatum; their standard reaction is “do this, otherwise I will do that.”

If, in response to your attempts to mark the line or express a different opinion, you hear a commanding tone and threats, be it veiled hints or detailed promises of punishment, this is a sure sign: before you is a person who is sure that everyone owes him, and he will never agree to compromise. Take threats seriously and show the narcissist that you mean business by documenting them if possible and reporting them to the proper authorities.

9) Insults

Narcissists proactively make mountains out of molehills whenever they sense the slightest threat to their sense of superiority. In their minds, only they are always right, and anyone who dares to say otherwise inflicts narcissistic injury on them, leading to narcissistic rage.

According to Dr. Mark Goulston, narcissistic rage is not the result of low self-esteem, but rather a belief in one's own infallibility and a false sense of superiority.

In the lowest types, narcissistic rage takes the form of insults when they fail to otherwise influence your opinions or emotions. Insults are a quick and easy way to offend, humiliate, and ridicule your intelligence, appearance, or behavior, while simultaneously depriving you of your right to be human. with your own opinion.

Insults can also be used to criticize your beliefs, opinions, and ideas. A valid point or convincing rebuttal suddenly becomes “ridiculous” or “idiotic” in the hands of a narcissist or sociopath who feels hurt but has nothing meaningful to say back.

Unable to find the strength to attack your argument, the narcissist attacks you yourself, trying in every possible way to undermine your authority and cast doubt on your mental abilities. As soon as insults are used, it is necessary to interrupt further communication and clearly state that you do not intend to tolerate this.

Don't take it personally: understand that they only use insults because they don't know any other way to get their point across.

10) "Training"

Suppressive people teach you to associate your strengths, talents, and happy memories with abuse, disappointment, and disrespect. To this end, they casually make derogatory statements about your qualities and properties that they themselves once admired, and also sabotage your goals, ruin your holidays, vacations and weekends.

They can even isolate you from friends and family and make you financially dependent on them. You, like Pavlov’s dogs, are essentially “trained,” making you afraid to do everything that once made your life rich.

Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and other suppressive individuals do this to divert all attention to yourself and how you can meet their needs. If some external factor can prevent them from completely and completely controlling your life, they seek to destroy it. They need to be in the spotlight all the time. During the idealization stage, you were the center of the narcissist's world—and now the narcissist must be the center of your world.

In addition, narcissists are pathologically jealous by nature and cannot stand the thought of anything that could even slightly protect you from their influence. To them, your happiness represents everything that is not available to them in their emotionally barren existence.

After all, if you find that you can get respect, love and support from someone non-suppressive, then what will stop you from breaking up with them? In the hands of a suppressive person, “training” is an effective way to make you tiptoe around and always stop halfway towards your dreams.

11) Slander and Harassment

When suppressive personalities cannot control how you perceive yourself, they begin to control how others perceive you; they take on the role of a martyr, making you seem overwhelming.

Slander and gossip are a preemptive strike designed to destroy your reputation and tarnish your name so that you have no support if you do decide to end the relationship and leave your suppressive partner. They may even stalk and harass you or someone you know, supposedly to “expose” you; such “exposure” is just a way to hide their own suppressive behavior by projecting it onto you.

Sometimes gossip turns two or even entire groups of people against each other. The victim in a suppressive relationship with a narcissist often does not know what is being said about him while the relationship lasts, but usually the whole truth comes out when it breaks down.

Suppressive people will gossip behind your back (and to your face too), tell nasty things about you to you or their loved ones, spread rumors that make you out to be the aggressor and them the victim, and attribute to you exactly the kind of actions that you accuse them of most feared.

In addition, they will methodically, secretly and deliberately offend you, so that they can then use your reactions as evidence that they are the “victim” in your relationship.

The best way to counter slander is to always control yourself and stick to the facts. This is especially true for high-conflict divorces with narcissists, who may deliberately provoke you so that they can then use your reactions against you.

If possible, document any forms of harassment, intimidation and abuse (including online), and try to communicate with the narcissist only through your lawyer. If we are talking about harassment and intimidation, you should contact law enforcement; It is advisable to find a lawyer who is knowledgeable about narcissistic personality disorder. Your honesty and sincerity will speak for itself when the narcissist's mask begins to slip.

12) Love bombing and devaluation

Suppressive people lead you through an idealization phase until you take the bait and begin a friendship or romantic relationship with them. Then they begin to devalue you, expressing contempt for everything that attracted them to you in the first place.

Another common occurrence is when a suppressive person puts you on a pedestal and begins to aggressively devalue and humiliate someone else who threatens their sense of superiority.

Narcissists do this all the time: they scold their exes in front of new partners, and over time they begin to treat new ones with the same disdain. Ultimately, any partner of a narcissist will experience the same things as the previous ones.

In such a relationship, you will inevitably become another ex, whom he will vilify in the same way with his next girlfriend. You just don't know it yet. So don't forget about the love bombing method if your partner's behavior with others is in stark contrast to the sugary sweetness he exhibits in his relationship with you.

As life coach Wendy Powell advises, a good way to counteract love bombing from someone you find potentially overwhelming is to take things slow.

Keep in mind that the way a person speaks about others can foreshadow how they will one day treat you.

13) Preventive defense

When someone strongly emphasizes that he/she is a “nice guy” or a “nice girl”, they immediately begin to tell you that you should “trust him/her”, or out of the blue they assure you of their honesty - be careful.

Suppressive and violent individuals exaggerate their ability to be kind and compassionate. They often tell you that you should “trust” them without first establishing a solid foundation for that trust.

They can skillfully “disguise” by portraying a high level of sympathy and empathy at the beginning of your relationship, only to later reveal their true identity. When the cycle of abuse reaches the stage of devaluation, the mask begins to slip and you see their true nature: terribly cold, callous and dismissive.

Truly good people rarely need to constantly boast about their positive qualities - they exude warmth rather than talk about it, and know that actions are much more important than words. They know that trust and respect are a two-way street that requires reciprocity rather than constant indoctrination.

To combat preventive defense, think about why a person emphasizes his good qualities. Because he thinks you don't trust him - or because he knows he's not trustworthy? Judge not by empty words, but by actions; it is actions that will tell you whether the person in front of you is who he says he is.

14) Triangulation

Referring to an opinion, point of view, or the threat of bringing an outsider into a communication dynamic is called “triangulation.” A common technique for proving the suppressor right and invalidating the victim's reactions, triangulation often results in love triangles in which you feel vulnerable and unstable.

Narcissists love to triangulate their partner with strangers, colleagues, ex-spouses, friends and even family members in order to create jealousy and insecurity in them. They also use the opinions of others to prove their point of view.

This maneuver is intended to divert your attention from psychological abuse and present the narcissist in a positive image of a popular, desirable person. Plus, you begin to doubt yourself: since Mary agrees with Tom, it turns out that I’m still wrong? In fact, narcissists are happy to “tell” you nasty things that others allegedly said about you, even though they themselves say nasty things behind your back.

To counter triangulation, remember that whoever the narcissist triangulates you with, that person is also triangulated by your relationship with the narcissist. Essentially, the narcissist is in charge of all roles. Answer him with your own “triangulation” - find the support of a third party beyond his control, and do not forget that your position also has value.

15) Lure and pretend to be innocent

Suppressive individuals create a false sense of security to make it easier for them to demonstrate their cruelty. If such a person drags you into a meaningless, random quarrel, it will quickly escalate into a showdown, because he does not know the feeling of respect.

Minor disagreement can be a bait, and even if at first you restrain yourself within the bounds of politeness, you will quickly realize that it is driven by a malicious desire to humiliate you.

Having “lured” you with a seemingly innocent comment disguised as a rational argument, they begin to play with you. Remember: narcissists know your weaknesses, the nasty phrases that undermine your self-confidence, and the painful topics that open old wounds - and they use this knowledge in their schemes to provoke you.

After you swallow the bait whole, the narcissist will calm down and innocently ask if you are “okay”, assuring that he “didn’t mean to” upset your soul. This feigned innocence takes you by surprise and forces you to believe that he didn't really mean to hurt you, until it starts happening so often that you can no longer deny his obvious malevolence.

It is advisable to immediately understand when they are trying to lure you in order to stop communication as soon as possible. Common luring techniques include provocative statements, insults, offensive accusations, or unfounded generalizations.

Trust your intuition: if a certain phrase seemed somehow “off” to you, and this feeling did not go away even after the interlocutor interpreted it, perhaps this is a signal that you should take your time to comprehend the situation before reacting.

16) Boundary testing and vacuum cleaner tactics

Narcissists, sociopaths, and other suppressive individuals constantly test your boundaries to see which ones can be violated. The more violations they can commit with impunity, the further they will go.

This is why survivors of emotional and physical abuse often face even more abuse whenever they decide to return to their abusers.

Abusers often resort to “vacuum cleaner tactics,” sucking their victims back in with sweet promises, fake repentances, and empty words about how they will change, only to subject them to more abuse.

In the sick mind of the abuser, this testing of boundaries serves as punishment for trying to resist the abuse, as well as for returning to it. When a narcissist tries to start over, reinforce your boundaries rather than retreat from them.

Remember: manipulators do not respond to empathy and compassion. They only react to consequences.

17) Aggressive injections under the guise of jokes

Covert narcissists love to say mean things to you. They pass them off as “just jokes,” as if reserving the right to make disgusting comments while maintaining an innocent calm. But as soon as you get angry with rude, unpleasant remarks, they accuse you of lacking a sense of humor. This is a common technique for verbal abuse.

The manipulator is betrayed by a contemptuous grin and a sadistic gleam in his eyes: like a predator playing with prey, he takes pleasure in the fact that he can offend you with impunity. It's just a joke, right?

Not this way. This is a way to convince you that his insults are just a joke, a way to shift the conversation from his cruelty to your supposed hypersensitivity. In such cases, it is important to stand your ground and make it clear that you will not tolerate such treatment.

When you bring these hidden insults to the manipulator's attention, he can easily resort to gaslighting, but continue to defend your position that his behavior is unacceptable, and if this does not help, stop communicating with him.

18) Condescending sarcasm and patronizing tone

Belittling and putting others down is a suppressive person's forte, and tone of voice is just one of many tools in their arsenal. Making sarcastic remarks at each other can be fun when it is mutual, but the narcissist resorts to sarcasm solely as a way of manipulation and humiliation. And if this offends you, it means you are “overly sensitive.”

It doesn’t matter that he himself throws tantrums every time someone dares to criticize his inflated ego - no, it’s the victim who is “oversensitive.” When you are constantly treated like a child and challenged on your every statement, you develop a natural fear of expressing your feelings without fear of reprimand.

This kind of self-censorship saves the abuser from having to shut you up because you are doing it yourself.

When confronted with a condescending demeanor or patronizing tone, state it clearly and clearly. You don’t deserve to be spoken to like a child, and certainly you don’t have to remain silent to please someone’s delusions of grandeur.

19) Shaming

"Aren `t you ashamed!" - a favorite saying of suppressive people. Although it can be heard from completely normal people, in the mouths of narcissists and psychopaths, shaming is an effective method of combating any views and actions that threaten their undivided power.

It is also used to destroy and negate the victim's sense of self-worth: if the victim dares to be proud of something, then instilling shame in her for that particular attribute, quality or achievement can lower her self-esteem and strangle all pride at the root.

Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths love to use your wounds against you; they may even make you feel ashamed of the hurt or violence you have suffered, causing you further psychological trauma.

Did you experience violence as a child? A narcissist or sociopath will make you feel like you somehow deserve it, or brag about your own happy childhood to make you feel inadequate and worthless.

What better way to offend you than to pick at old wounds? Like a doctor in reverse, the suppressive person seeks to deepen your wound rather than heal it.

If you suspect that you are dealing with a suppressive person, try to hide your vulnerabilities or long-standing psychological traumas from him. Until he proves that he can be trusted, you should not give him information that could later be used against you.

20) Control

Most importantly, suppressive people seek to control you in any way they can. They isolate you, manage your finances and social circles, and control every aspect of your life. But the most powerful tool in their arsenal is playing on your feelings.

This is why narcissists and sociopaths create conflict situations out of the blue, just to make you feel insecure and unstable. That is why they constantly argue over trifles and get angry at the slightest reason.

This is why they become emotionally withdrawn, and then rush to idealize you again as soon as they feel that they are losing control. This is why they fluctuate between their true and false selves, and you never feel psychologically safe because you cannot understand what your partner really is.

The more power they have over your emotions, the more difficult it will be for you to trust your feelings and recognize that you are a victim of psychological abuse. By learning about manipulative techniques and how they undermine your self-confidence, you can understand what you're up against and at least try to regain control of your life and stay away from suppressive people.

Have you ever thought about how to morally kill a person? I think everyone thought about it. Starting from an early age, when a person encounters the social environment, he begins to experience pressure. Peers test each other's strength, gradually transferring similar behavior into adulthood. Someone is leaving these childhood pranks in the past. But there are people who like to humiliate others. How to repel them and forever discourage them from training on you?

How to morally kill a person while maintaining dignity

Let's say an insolent person publicly speaks out, is insulting, sarcastic, makes inappropriate jokes, and mocks in every possible way. The friendly laughter of his friends and those around him can throw anyone off balance. But... this situation can easily be turned against the offender. What does he expect from you? In Russian speaking, bummer. To show their superiority, such people assert themselves at the expense of others. This is a kind of duel: whose spirit is stronger? Now I will list a number of tips on how to morally kill a person in such a situation:

• Keep your cool. A calm, ironic attitude towards attacks sobers up the offender and intrigues observers.
• To offensive questions like “Well, how is it... so and so?” you can simply say: I don’t know, you know this better..
• All nasty things can be turned against the attacker, calmly ironizing his words without dirt or insults. Don't stoop to your opponent's level.
• Observers will quickly lose interest in the incident or even laugh at clumsy attempts to humiliate you.
• Seeing your spiritual superiority and inner strength, the mocker will quickly retreat in search of a weaker victim.

There are situations when we experience treacherous betrayal. Most immediately think about revenge, mentally savoring the details, imagining what they will do in response. But it is much more powerful to kill a person morally while maintaining dignity and spiritual nobility. Believe me, squabbles, plans for revenge, and various nasty things in response humiliate you, making you petty. Later it will be unpleasant for you, maybe even ashamed.

It is much wiser to act wisely and carefully. Refute the slander. Make hidden intrigues public. Turn the offender's baseness against himself. The worst thing is public condemnation. However, think a hundred times when punishing others this way: maybe people deserve a second chance?

The best way to kill a person morally is to show him his baseness so that he clearly understands it. Pangs of conscience, mental humiliation, condemnation of others will force you to seriously think about your own behavior. Maybe even get better. I wish everyone to be worthy, wise, strong people, capable of repelling any insolent person!