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How to deal with your alcoholic son

The husband drinks a little - this is a topic for conversation

When a husband in a family drinks heavily and regularly, this is, of course, a huge misfortune, but how to behave with an alcoholic so as not to inadvertently aggravate an already difficult situation? The wife and children live like in hell, they themselves already need help. Every alcoholic can get rid of addiction, the main thing is to really want it.

If you choose the right behavior with a drunken husband or son, you can hope that one or the other will return to his healthy old life and strong family, and then everything will fall into place. What behavior should a wife or mother have in order for her husband or son to stop drinking?

• With alcoholics you should be persistent and patient, then you can hope for a favorable outcome.
• It should be remembered that talking to a drunken husband or son will require a strong character.
• There is no need to be a nanny for a drunk, as their loved ones often do. Don't be too protective of him. But relatives want the person not to drink, and in the name of this they take various actions. They even agree to entrust general responsibilities to their shoulders, such as raising children, household chores and worries, and obtaining a means of subsistence.

Of course, this is a big mistake. The husband simply begins to take it for granted and continues to drink, because everything is normal, the wife is great. And the wives themselves think that this is how it should be, they think that this is their fate.

Family life with a drunkard should be such that he is never bored.

Rules of conduct with a drinking husband or son

Following these rules really helps. Here are some of them:

It is important for wives and mothers to remember that a person who drinks alcohol too often, first of all, must himself realize that his illness has long become a big disaster, that alcoholism does not allow not only him, but his entire family to live in peace.

His problem itself cannot be solved; he must “resolve” the consequences of his drinking sessions himself. There is no need to help an alcoholic or come up with excuses to his employer.

After a spree, don’t even think about giving your spouse a drink to help him get drunk, let him suffer. And why, in order for him to continue drinking?

If your spouse or son still continues to drink, do not threaten him with something you cannot do, and do not make unnecessary threats. Otherwise, he will quickly understand that you feel sorry for him and will continue his hobby.

The wife herself will have to completely forget about using alcohol, even in company and on holidays, or she will simply cease to be an authority for him.

If your spouse or son goes on a long binge again, then it is better not to create scandals. This will make him very angry and he will again run to “bruise”, and then he will also blame his wife or mother that it was she who drove his unfortunate man to the bottle.

You need to talk to a person when he is still sober and has not had time to take a new dose of vodka; this must be done casually, calmly, objectively, and present important arguments. It should be said that if he does not stop his spree, then you will have to take tough measures.

This is how you need to behave with a drunken husband or son.

1. If a family likes to drink a lot and often not only the husband, but also the son, then there is no need to hide this from relatives, friends and colleagues. They should be ashamed in front of them. This will be an important argument to stop drinking.
2. If he returned home from another drinking session, then he needs to tell his friends about it. You can take a video on your phone and show them how handsome he is when he’s drunk, and show it to everyone you know.
3. You need to use tough methods, if he doesn’t want to disgrace himself, then let him think about whether to drink or not drink.
4. Acquaintances, friends and wife need to show their contempt. More often than not, this is what is too scary for any man.
5. Life in a family with an alcoholic needs to be varied so that he does not have time for boredom. Keep him busy with something. Persuade him to go to the pool, to the gym. Invite non-drinking friends home and watch the whole group, for example, football, an action movie that he loves...
6. If all the recommendations do not work, then you will have to use the harshest method - start praising other, non-drinking men, in short, make him jealous.
7. If this does not work, then tell your loved one that he does not bring pleasure in his intimate life. Most often, alcoholics experience erectile dysfunction, and this is very scary for a man. Therefore, it will soon dawn on him that his wife will begin to seek satisfaction among other men. Maybe then he will understand something.

If a person does not stop drinking, you should not promise him something that cannot be done, and you should not give empty threats.

During sobriety

One day the binge will pass. Under severe pressure from relatives, or maybe after a course of therapy, the person will stop drinking his “magic potion.” What should not be allowed at this time:

One day the binge will pass.

If your husband or son managed to stop drinking, then you don’t need to praise him for it too often. It's better not to touch on this topic at all. Otherwise, he will begin to perceive every sober day as a feat, and then he will demand special treatment for himself. He needs to get used to the fact that a healthy life is the norm for everyone.

It is strictly forbidden to sniff your husband or son to see if he has been drinking. There is no need to ask such questions either, it is too painful for him.

You can’t completely give up on holidays, birthdays and not have feasts. He will understand that all this is because of him. Such behavior is humiliating for a person. Such “markings” are definitely needed, but the wife should not drink strong drinks herself.

During the period of remission, do not remember the past of your husband or son. Direct all your efforts towards a healthy future, and it is better to forget about the past.

Soon everything will get better, your health will improve, the respect of your family, friends and colleagues will return.

How to deal with an alcoholic

We must admit honestly: a drunk person is disgusting in every sense. He has cloudy eyes, terrible breath, an unsteady gait, shaking hands. He may be aggressive and unable to control his behavior, posing a threat to himself and, especially, to his loved ones. He can be whiny and clingy, complaining about his miserable life to the first person he meets. In any case, communicating with a drinking person is at least unpleasant; after a few minutes of conversation, he no longer evokes pity, but disgust. However, not everyone has the opportunity to stay away from people who are intoxicated - the wife or mother and children of a drunkard cannot escape such a burden; they have to decide for themselves how to behave with an alcoholic.

What reasons

To figure out how to live with an alcoholic, it is important to first understand why he drinks. Most often, alcoholism appears as:

• a form of protest (the husband drinks to spite his wife, life circumstances, problems at work);
• a form of self-pity (a person starts drinking to forget problems, to escape from a reality that did not coincide with his expectations);
• a form of weak character (an alcoholic turns into one, initially just maintaining company and gradually becoming drawn into drunkenness).

Depending on the reason for which a person drinks, his family has to regulate their behavior. A husband who pumps himself up with alcohol as a sign of protest will do this even more actively during scandals and repeated moralizing. A person who drowns his melancholy with wine will continue to drink if he feels pity and support from his family. A drunkard, for whom the alcoholic form of life has become the norm, will not “fall for” any persuasion; it will be possible to cope with him only with serious threats and professional help.

Our regular reader shared an effective method that saved her husband from ALCOHOLISM. It seemed that nothing would help, there were several codings, treatment at a dispensary, nothing helped. An effective method recommended by Elena Malysheva helped. EFFECTIVE METHOD

The simplest rules of behavior

A person who drinks not from time to time, but on a regular basis, becomes not only a heavy burden in the family, but also a serious danger. Wives of men who drink often suffer from codependency, literally lose themselves, dissolving in the abyss of their husband’s problems, and develop a host of mental and psychosomatic diseases. And this doesn’t even take into account the fact that a drunk person often rows and becomes aggressive. If a wife and children want to avoid trouble and keep their nerves with their husband and father while intoxicated during a binge or in a hangover after it, they should remember a few rules, as the advice of a psychologist recommends:

• do not make scandals: binge drinkers do not need reasons to get angry, feel like the most unhappy people in the world, or want to continue the “fun”, and this is exactly how scandals affect them;
• do not conduct educational conversations with a drunk husband, start communicating with him only after leaving the binge: talking about the benefits of sobriety if the husband is not able to adequately perceive reality is not very effective and even dangerous, as it can provoke a scandal (see above);

• do not create opportunities for continued binge drinking: a drunken husband will gladly continue to remain intoxicated if his wife takes care of him, takes on the responsibility of being the source of funding in the family, and even pours a glass after sobering up;
• do not try to fight an aggressive husband with violence: during a binge, a person acquires “bad” strength, so fighting him will not be in favor of the sober;
• do not feel sorry or sympathize: for some men this is a reason to continue doing what they are used to (and sometimes pity becomes a reason for people to show aggression);
• do not threaten if there is no possibility or desire to fulfill the threat: if you make empty promises too often, your husband will very soon stop believing them;
• do not forget that a drinker easily perceives a bad example as a guide to action: it is easy to give up on the problem and get drunk together with your husband, it is easy to provoke a drunkard into aggression, after which he will feel entitled to drink more, it is only difficult to overcome the consequences of everything this.

One possibility is publicity.

If one of the men in the family - husband or son - drinks, this is a real grief for family and friends. Whether aggressive or passive, all alcoholics, without exception, create difficulties for those around them. What to do if a similar misfortune happens to your husband or son? The psychologist's advice recommends trying one universal recipe: publicity.

• it is necessary to talk with friends, relatives, colleagues, inform them about a drinking person’s binges - if, after finishing drinking, he is ashamed to look into the eyes of everyone he knows, this can become an incentive for sobriety;
• you can take photos and videos with your drunk husband or son, threaten to publish the materials and be ready to do so;
• relatives and friends, for their part, should demonstrate their disapproval of the fact that their friend or relative drinks, since for many men, if not the condemnation of their wife, then at least the contempt of others matters.

If all of the above doesn't work, why not hit where it hurts? You can give your husband other men who don’t drink as examples, admire them, and flirt with them. Additionally, you can “finish off” an alcoholic with a message about his male incompetence (and this is a very real prospect that every drinker can count on sooner or later).

A healthy – and also public – lifestyle, which includes morning jogging, visiting the pool, and working out in the gym, is also important for the formation of competent and harmonious communication with an alcoholic. In addition, this is the most optimal way to restore the form lost during alcoholic libations. If a drinking husband finds something to do with himself, he will have to not only change his lifestyle, but also change his communication with loved ones.

Communicating with a recovering alcoholic

With a husband or son who drinks or after a binge, everything is more or less clear: do not make a scandal, do not fall under the hot hand, read the lectures only after partial sobering up. But what to do and how to behave with an alcoholic if he no longer drinks? How not to provoke his breakdown? There are some tips:

• do not praise an alcoholic beyond measure - a sober lifestyle is not a feat, but a normal form of life;
• do not talk patronizingly to a husband or son who has given up alcohol, remind them of past mistakes and troubles - if life has begun from scratch, all sins must be written off;
• not checking if a loved one smells of alcohol, not questioning him about suspicious behavior or delays at work - this is the best reason for the husband to start doing everything as before;
• do not cancel events where drinking is planned - birthdays and other family holidays without a feast, especially if the reason is repeatedly and meaningfully voiced, can be humiliating for the person who quit drinking;
• do not set a bad example - relatives and friends should limit themselves in drinking, and not only in the presence of a drunkard, but at any other time.

Alcohol deviation

Alcoholism has been officially recognized as a disease for decades, and a disease that covers not only the physical component, but also the mental sphere of health. A drinking person suffers equally from a host of illnesses and mental problems. Relatives of an alcoholic learn the hard way the truth of the concept that alcoholism as a type of deviant behavior cripples lives and destroys families.

This disease is a violation of social norms, expressed in established laws, traditions and customs in society. And the worst thing is that alcohol, as a deviant form of behavior, is gradually becoming a certain norm of social and personal relations. That is why many families do not solve the question of how to overcome a loved one’s alcoholism, but try to learn what to do if the husband, father or son, drinks.

It is impossible to cure alcoholism.

• Have you tried many methods, but nothing helps?
• Another coding turned out to be ineffective?
• Is alcoholism destroying your family?

The son is an alcoholic: what should parents do and how to behave?

If the son drinks, the mother suffers incredibly. This is a real grief for the family. It is impossible to calmly watch how your beloved child gradually degenerates and becomes an alcoholic, and there is nothing worse for a mother than admitting that her son drinks, that he has become an alcoholic. After all, you can’t leave him, you won’t be able to divorce him, as you can easily do with a drunken husband. And where there was previously harmony, love and care reigned, hell begins.

When a son drinks, any mother will want to help him get rid of alcoholism, as will the father. Family support plays a paramount role in the treatment of a teenager or adult son. Help must be correct and timely.

Causes of drunkenness

The modern world slips alcohol at every turn. Every second person drinks, drinks a lot on holidays and events. Sooner or later, a teenager will be faced with a temptation where he will have a choice: try alcohol for the first time or, knowing where it can lead, refuse and not even try to get high from intoxication.

When a young man drinks for the first time, he treats alcohol with caution and watches his body. He may like the fact that with each sip an unprecedented lightness appears, his mood rises, problems and fears fade into the background. This is a very dangerous moment, which can lead a teenager to the idea that increasing the dose is nothing terrible, and the pleasant sensations will only intensify. After this, problems begin that roll in like a snowball, and this avalanche cannot be stopped. A disease occurs in which a sober state alternates with binge drinking: a person drinks without stopping.

The main reasons for drunkenness:

1. Heredity. Often it is the child of alcohol-dependent parents who falls asleep faster.
2. The desire for rebellion. It manifests itself in relation to parents who are overly concerned about the child.
3. The desire to look older. A teenager who drinks wants to prove that he is already an adult and begins to drink alcohol like an adult.
4. Lack of intellectual development. If a teenager does not have hobbies, hobbies, interesting and useful activities, then it will be extremely difficult for him to resist pressure from the outside.
5. Lack of purpose in life. The pleasure of drinking can replace a person's need to do something worthwhile in life.
6. Frequent stress. Failures in relationships and experiences can so affect a weak and indecisive teenager that he simply becomes an alcoholic from loneliness.

Symptoms of addiction

It is very important to recognize alcohol addiction at an early stage, notice its development and stop the addiction to alcohol before it is too late. Teenage alcoholism is dangerous: abuse of strong drinks leads to the destruction of organs that are not yet fully formed. It is important to recognize the problem in time and act quickly. The main signs that your son is drinking:

• Unjustified changes in mood. The teenager becomes emotionally unstable.
• Apathy towards life. Indifference to one’s family and also to one’s appearance appears, which should be alarming.
• Behavior that often displays aggression, anger, irritability, and lack of control.
• Frequent consumption of alcoholic beverages, regardless of whether it is a holiday or an ordinary day. The dependent son drinks for no reason, outside of company, alone.

An adult should monitor how a teenager who drinks alcohol behaves. At the height of alcoholism, the son drinks, suffers from a hangover in the morning, then starts everything in a circle: he gets drunk and goes on a binge for several days, or even weeks. Alcohol consumption increases. The problem becomes so obvious that it is noticed not only by parents, but also by people living in the neighborhood.

What not to do

Parents sometimes behave incorrectly towards their son who drinks. Mothers are especially guilty of this. A teenager or an adult man can borrow a large amount of money, pawn family jewelry, or start skipping school, college, or work. And a caring mother often takes responsibility for her son’s actions: she justifies him to the director or boss, buys back pawned items, and pays off debts from her own pocket. As a result, codependency arises, and the young alcoholic, seeing that he can get away with everything, does not seek to change anything in his life. Psychologists advise giving up such “care”, which in the end will bring nothing to all family members except disappointment and grief.

At the same time, you cannot completely abandon your son, who drinks and needs help. But help should be provided in terms of moral support, friendly attitude, and wise advice. If you make a scandal and escalate the situation, your son will continue to drink and will never stop: he will begin to hide his soul even more in alcohol from unkind relatives.

There is no need to indulge all your son’s desires, especially if he demands alcohol: give him money, do whatever he wants. It is also important to treat him as a person, without humiliating his dignity, without despising him, and to demonstrate a desire to help. Only if the alcoholic begins to completely trust his parents will they be able to guide him on the right path and help him recover. The main goal: to persuade my son to undergo treatment, freeing him from addiction; After all, he drinks and suffers himself, not always realizing it.

An alcoholic needs to be helped to climb out of the deep hole of drunkenness, and not pushed away in trouble. The dependent son wants to know how to live further, what to do, because he himself is unable to cope with himself. Parents of a drinking son should behave patiently, kindly, but firmly, showing persistence where necessary. Recommendations and advice from a psychologist are very important in this case, as they can help parents choose the right method of communicating with their son so as not to aggravate the situation.

First you need to create a peaceful environment at home, stop all kinds of war and scandals. They will never help their son who drinks to quit his addiction. Mother and father need to understand: except for them, no one needs their son who drinks. Therefore, it is necessary to become his ally, to show that parental love, despite drunkenness, remains and has not disappeared anywhere. A dependent person needs love like no other. Sympathy should be shown in moderation so that the drinking son does not “climb on his head” and begin to use this in his own interests.

Laziness is a vice that entails all others, including alcoholism. It is necessary to involve a son who drinks in household chores so that he gradually begins to fulfill his duties and is busy. If possible, you can get him a job or, if he is old enough, hint from time to time that for a full life he needs to work and provide for himself and his family.

Frequent conversations are very important. They will show their son that, although he drinks, he is not alone, that there are those nearby who will not give up, who sincerely want him to be healed. You can tell him the story of a man who drinks, how he fought against vice and emerged victorious. Let this story be fiction - it doesn’t matter. She can give her son hope. Parents should do their best to help their son gain confidence in his abilities and prepare him mentally to undergo serious treatment in a rehabilitation center.

What to do: treatment methods

Getting rid of alcohol addiction is not easy. But with a strong desire, parents will be able to save their son, restore him to health and a full life. The main thing is to start acting on time. At home, you can fight your son’s alcoholism with prayers. This is the method when you can cure your son without his knowledge.

Believing parents can direct a drinking person to God by inviting him to go with them to church or a monastery. In fact, faith is a very powerful tool, thanks to which you can recover from alcoholism without taking medications, filing or coding. Psychologists say that the correct impact on the soul is always stronger than any traditional means of treatment. If the parents behave wisely, the son can go to church, repent of the sin of drunkenness, stop drinking, and everything in his life will change for the better.

There are various approaches to therapy. A long stay in a rehabilitation center, where church ministers and simply unselfish people who do good from the heart, will often help you wean yourself off drunkenness. Parents can bring their son to such a center and persuade him to stay there, visiting and supporting him from time to time.

Help!!! I can't get out of depression. The fact is that my 18-year-old son is an alcoholic. He's been drinking for two years now. If you spend weekdays sober, then on weekends you definitely get drunk to the point of “not standing.” Doesn't work anywhere, studies every other time. It so happened that our family lives on the pension of our disabled husband. My son, if sober, extracts money from us under various pretexts. And if he’s drunk, we give it ourselves, so as not to provoke his anger. He is very aggressive when drunk. Over the course of these two years, I did everything I could to get him to stop drinking, as long as I didn’t fight this habit of his... it was useless. A sober person understands everything (I won’t do that again), but a drunk person understands “the sea is knee-deep.” Tired. It's been over a year since I developed depression. Nothing makes me happy, I’m afraid of every call, I’m afraid of everything. Nothing makes me happy, I can’t do anything. I can't LIVE. But I also have two wonderful sons and a disabled husband. Help me and my loved ones not go crazy...
Support the site:

Marina, age: 40 / 10/10/2011

Responses:

At the age of 17, I drank every day, and this lasted for more than a year. Then I simply got tired of it... And I stopped drinking.
But not everyone did it this way.

They say the icon of the Mother of God “The Inexhaustible Chalice” helps.

Rusik, age: 22 / 10/10/2011

Dear Marinochka! Hang in there. Pray for your son, for your entire family. Only God can help you. Each of us has our own cross, and each of us bears it ourselves. After all, you can see for yourself that not everything is so bad. You have a husband and two wonderful sons. It’s not easy for them either, support each other. If possible, consult a psychologist, take sedatives. Do not despair! Everything will work out!

Tanya, age: 31 / 10/10/2011

Yes, let these two sons carefully explain to him like a man... how to make money.

furygide, age: 51 / 10/10/2011

Probably, the advice that a twenty-five-year-old will give to a forty-year-old will look ridiculous, but nevertheless I will say it. If I lived with my parents and allowed myself to ferment and extort money, I would simply be kicked out of the house. Naturally, they would have kicked me out, throwing my belongings on the staircase. And they would probably be right.

Dandelion, age: 25 / 10/11/2011

Marina, the fact is that you are a mother, but it’s difficult to advise a mother. Because you hear in response: “It’s a pity,” “You’ll have a son of that age and you’ll understand then,” “But he’s a son,” etc.
But the problem is that this mother’s behavior plays into the hands of his addiction. He drinks, studies every once in a while, doesn’t work... and you give him money. Because "son". I know so many mothers like this, the only thing they managed to do was drag out such a nightmare for many years. And in the end, the sons ended up drinking themselves to death anyway, and everyone understood that it would end like this from the very beginning. Does it seem too cruel not to give him money (let him find a part-time job for travel and lunch), does it seem cruel to put him out on the street? Don’t you think that at one point, due to his drunken aggression, the matter will end in a knife fight against his relatives and in prison? By feeding, the mother does not allow the child to make his choice in this life. If you tell him: my dear, you are already an adult, it’s time to earn money and, in general, if anything, to live on your own, will he feel pain and bad? Yes, it will be very unpleasant for him with all the consequences, but this is the path to somewhere, and what is happening now is going nowhere. The only thing that really depends on you is to stop indulging him and pray, leaving the situation to the will of God. And if he then tries something else besides alcohol, will you also give away the money?

Alena, age: 29 / 10/11/2011

Encode forcibly
Stop providing, let him work

Algerra, age: 21/11/10/2011

Hello, Marina!
If nothing works out for you, you need to turn to specialists for help. The main thing is that your son
I wanted to be cured myself.
Here's another good article: http://www.miloserdie.ru/index.php?ss=1&s=9&id=12070

Mikhail, age: 42 / 10/11/2011

Yes! The Inexhaustible Chalice icon helps. when I had problems with alcohol and drugs (they started at the age of 15), my mother went to this icon and asked for help. Some time later I stopped drinking and using drugs. started playing sports. I’ve been living like this for 4 years now. During this time, life got better. I would have even started a family if my fiancée hadn’t left me... I left myself without any coding. it was a MIRACLE! which is probably even worth talking about separately. Maybe

Leon, age: 20 / 10/11/2011

Marina, this is probably the most difficult thing in life, letting go of your children. Especially those that didn’t turn out the way we want them to be. You made a mistake somewhere, but that’s not the main thing now, we all make mistakes. What age are the other children? Do they influence your son's opinion? Many questions. Maybe you can create a topic on the forum? What should you do now? It depends on so many factors. Get together as a family, talk to each other, try to accept the offer for your son. Son, you have grown up, become independent, you must learn to make decisions, we will not leave you, we will help you, but you must accept our right to life, if you accept our decision, then follow the rules and order established in our family, if you don’t want to - with God into an independent life. You see, if he doesn’t stop and change his behavior, you’re unlikely to be able to change anything. This is your cross. But don't give up.

Oleg, age: 49 / 10/12/2011

My son began to drink alcohol from the age of 14, sometimes a little at a time. They scolded and beat him, but he did everything his own way. My parents raised him from the age of 11, it so happened that after the divorce I had to pay the cooperative and I went abroad. From there she sent money and things, and when she arrived, she splashed out all the unspent love on her son. And the son grew and grew and grew. The kicking became more frequent, the mother, father and brother by that time were all beaten by him, terribly aggressive and unpredictable when he drinks. When sober, he behaves like an angel, but only when you indulge his whims. Mom died, brother left, dad grew old and moved in with me, because he couldn’t live with my son, he was afraid of him being drunk. My son is nowhere didn’t work, sometimes I tried during the time of coding and filing, but I still broke down and flew out of work. And every time I brought him food, bought things, paid his fines, because I regretted it and hoped that he would code again and get better. At 20 years he almost went to jail for robbery, hired lawyers, pulled it out, etc. I myself got married and my husband and my father and I lived separately from our son, my husband got a job with long business trips and then it began... Until that day, I was beaten by my son 1 time. After my husband left, both I and my old father received and he beat him pretty badly. They called the police, took him away, released him, and my father and I took him in again, fed him, because it’s a pity. I hate myself for this “pity”, I understand that this freak needs to be thrown out of my heart, and it’s scary that if you don’t please me, then then when I get old it will be even worse. What should I do, is it possible to fix it and put it in its place. He is 26 years old, without a specialty, because he didn’t want to study, not adapted to life, because he received everything ready-made, irresponsible. Almost like his father, only he was less aggressive and hardworking. What should I do, Lord? Now he’ll go to the medical laboratory. And then?

Claudia, age: 50 / 07/20/2012

There is always a way out, it’s just that the relatives, following the example of my alcoholic friend’s mother, spoil him a lot and allow what is prohibited without noticing it! You can find help and a path to recovery.

Sergey, age: 29/06/27/2014

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Alcoholism slowly destroys the life of a drinker and causes many problems and worries for his loved ones. It is especially painful for parents to see their child become an alcoholic. The main danger of alcoholism is that at an early stage of the disease a person does not recognize the existence of the disease and does not want to fight it. He believes that he can quit at any time if he wants to. Later, when an alcoholic develops many diseases and health problems, he already realizes that he is sick, but he can no longer stop drinking on his own, since he has acquired a psychological and physical dependence on alcohol. In other words, ethanol is so firmly integrated into the metabolic processes of the body that a person cannot live without it. It is the mother who can promptly notice the first manifestations of alcoholism in her son and help him recover from his addiction.

Reasons for my son's alcoholism

There are many reasons why a son could become an alcoholic. Among them are the following:

1. Excessive parental care. So, a teenager in the company of friends begins to feel independent and independent, and he starts drinking in order to prove to others and himself that he is already an adult and has the right to decide for himself what is bad and what is good. For a teenager, this is a unique way to resist pressure from parents.
2. If your son lives an aimless, boring life, he has no hobbies, useful activities or exciting things to do, then he may start drinking out of boredom. For example, young people with low intelligence and limited horizons are not able to resist their drinking friends. As a result, the primitive pleasure of drinking replaces such a person’s interests and life goals.
3. If your son is weak-willed and indecisive by nature, then he can drown out the slightest failures and problems with alcohol. He simply cannot cope with disappointment and resentment any other way.
4. If trouble happened to your son (for example, he was expelled from a university or had problems with his girlfriend), then he can try to drown out his grief with alcohol.

Since the habit of drinking alcoholic beverages very quickly drags on a person, it is not difficult for a mother to notice the first signs of drunkenness in her son. It’s good if the mother’s words that she urgently needs to stop drinking before alcohol addiction develops will have an effect on her son, and he will stop. Otherwise, you need to contact a psychologist or narcologist. Thanks to the recommendations and treatment of specialists, your son can be pulled out of the abyss of alcoholism at an early stage, when this is easiest to do.

Alcoholic or not

Some mothers are sure that my son is a drunkard. But is this really so? Perhaps it just seems to you, and the problem does not exist. Most often, young people drink low-alcohol drinks, such as beer. It seems that such a low-alcohol drink cannot cause addiction. First of all, you need to pay attention to how much beer your son drinks. If it's one bottle drunk on a hot day, then there's nothing to worry about. But if he drinks 1.5-2 liters every day, then we can talk about addiction.

The following signs may indicate that your son is an alcoholic:

• Amounts of alcohol consumed and frequency of drinking. The more and more often a child drinks, the more likely there is a problem.
• Changes in my son's behavior and mood. What should be alarming is that he becomes indifferent to the world around him, he does not care about his appearance and health.
• In response to comments from a concerned mother and father, the son may become rude.
• He appears at home less and less, disappearing with his drinking buddies.
• My son's mood and liveliness increase significantly when the opportunity to drink arises.
• To buy alcohol, my son needs money. To get them, he is ready to use cunning and various tricks. Often, a child can steal money from his parents.
• At home, he appears only at those events that involve a festive feast and drinking.

Important: if all of the above signs are repeated regularly, then you should sound the alarm.

The fact that your child has the initial stage of alcoholism is indicated by the fact that he often experiences a hangover syndrome, manifested by headache, body aches, dizziness, and vomiting.

Urgently help your son get rid of alcoholism, because at the next stage he will begin to have mental problems, his liver, brain and heart will suffer. There will be more frequent moments when the son will not be able to remember with whom and where he drank, or what he did the day before while drunk. If he does not think about how to live further, he will most likely lose his job (if he had one), not a single girl will want to connect her life with him, and he will not have children.

What should you not do?

When you don’t know what to do if your son is an alcoholic, it is important to first develop the right line of behavior in order to create the preconditions for the child’s recovery. Tips for those living with an alcoholic will help you understand what not to do:

1. Under no circumstances should you continue to care for your son. Stop worrying and asking him if he is hungry, how he is feeling, if he needs anything, etc. Give him complete freedom, let him do whatever he wants, but don’t let his actions interfere with your life and the people around you. For example, if your son comes home drunk in the evening, then in the morning scold him not for drunkenness, but for his antisocial behavior. If he sits at home in front of the TV with a bottle of beer until midnight, then don’t say that he’s an alcoholic, scold him for not letting you sleep.
2. There is no need to scold your son, shout at him and blame him. Any quarrels and scandals will lead to the fact that the son will try to leave home as quickly as possible so as not to hear any of this. And there he will quickly find something to drown out his grief.
3. Don't threaten or blackmail. Moreover, never say something that you cannot do. For example, if you threaten to kick your son out of the house, then think about whether you can actually do it. If you say it but don’t do it, your son will simply stop taking your words into account.
4. There is no need to beg, beg or appeal to the child’s higher feelings. As you can see, your child has changed a lot, and what previously evoked a response in his soul now has no meaning for him. Alcohol comes first. Your words will only irritate him.

What can and should be done?

When answering the question of how to help your son, we can recommend doing the following:

1. You need to rebuild and change your life taking into account your child’s illness. Any valuables, money and jewelry in your home should be securely hidden. Also, in the house where an alcoholic lives, there should not be a drop of alcohol, even ordinary medical alcohol. Think about what else you can change to keep your son from drinking.
2. You need to be firm and consistent. If you set demands or conditions for your son, then it is important to strictly follow them. There should be no exceptions.
3. If your son has problems with work, money, friends, girlfriend, let him solve them on his own. With your help and interference, you deprive him of his independence and allow him to continue drinking.
4. A condescending attitude in this case will only do harm. When your son's problems and suffering force him to give up alcohol, he himself will understand how much you helped him.
5. Do not forget to express your love for your son, but in such a way as to encourage him to solve the problems of his own salvation, and not to continue drinking.
6. At the right time, you can offer specialist help. It is not difficult to determine this moment. When your son admits that drinking is ruining his life and health, that he cannot control himself and needs help, offer professional help and your support on the path to recovery.

Important: the son’s recognition of his powerlessness in the face of illness is the first step towards recovery.

After your son realizes that he is an alcoholic, he needs to do the following:

• stop drinking (no matter how, on your own, with the help of the church or narcologists);
• It is especially important to change your lifestyle, stop communicating with drinking buddies, and completely change your social circle to non-drinkers;
• The emptiness that appears after giving up alcohol needs to be filled with an interesting hobby, sports, work or family responsibilities.

Life after

Even after completely giving up alcohol, one serious problem remains - temptation. Very often, relapse of the disease is facilitated by:

• our traditions of feasting with alcohol;
• frequent holidays, customs;
• stress and conflicts;
• friends and family themselves.

That is why it is important for the family of an alcoholic to completely change their life. The parents themselves must reconsider their behavior and make sure that there are no temptations in their son’s life. Answer the questions honestly:

1. Can you behave differently and give up alcohol even during holiday family feasts?
2. Do you consider yourself a victim, and are you ready to relax with a glass of alcohol when the opportunity arises?

It is important to start all changes with yourself and your attitude towards the environment. By steadfastly humbly accepting everything that happens around you, you are able to help your loved ones cope with any illness and difficulties.

Drinking children are a huge grief for parents. What should a mother do if her adult son drinks? This issue has been addressed for decades by narcologists, psychologists and simply concerned people. Any loving mother wants to help her drinking son, but this help must be timely, and most importantly, correct, so as not to worsen the already difficult situation of an alcohol-dependent person.

Alcohol addiction is the most common type of pathological desire. According to the World Health Organization, the growth of alcoholism increases along with the material well-being of the population. Both men and women of all age categories, as well as social statuses, are at risk.

Statistics show that children with a hereditary predisposition to alcohol are much more likely to become addicted than children of non-drinking parents.

There are many factors influencing the fact that a person begins to drink alcohol uncontrollably, the main ones being:

• hereditary changes in metabolic processes in the body, causing cravings and rapid addiction to ethyl alcohol;
• certain personality traits;
• family tradition where drinking is the norm;
• unfavorable social environment;
• early alcohol use in adolescence.

Most often, a person at risk for developing alcoholism tries alcohol for the first time in adolescence. Pathological attraction in this case forms very quickly, literally within 2 years. At first, a teenager develops an interest in beer, and only later there is a desire to increase the strength of drinks. The causes of pathological craving for alcohol at this age, in addition to heredity, may be:

• a history of traumatic brain injury;
• tendency to hyperactivity and psychopathy;
• unfavorable influence of drinking family members, social environment;
• overprotection or physical and moral violence in the family;
• negative peer influence;
• increased emotional sensitivity to stressful situations, failures;
• high level of anxiety;
• low communication skills.

Episodic consumption of alcoholic beverages in adolescents is replaced by constant use in a fairly short period of time.

At a more mature age, alcohol dependence develops for a number of similar reasons, but the duration of the formation of this pathology is somewhat longer in time - from 3 to 5 years with regular alcohol consumption.

How to Identify Addictions by Behavior

Typically, young people start drinking alcohol in a group of their peers; outside this group they do not have the desire to drink. Alcohol becomes an integral part of spending time together and communicating. Against the background of general euphoria, positive psychological motivation develops. The teenager is in complete denial of his dependence on alcohol, and there is also no control over the amount of alcohol he drinks.

Thus, psychological dependence is replaced by physical dependence. At this stage of development of a painful attraction, pathological changes in the psyche are formed - a person becomes irritable and aggressive for no reason, while at the same time he does not show initiative or interest in anything, is lethargic, apathetic. Elevation of mood occurs only if there is an immediate opportunity to drink alcohol. These are the very first signs of the formation of alcoholism.

At the next stage of development of the disease, a person loses the desire for social contacts, he becomes indifferent to his role in society, what he looks like, what they think about him. Mental capacity decreases - new information is difficult to comprehend, the memorization process is reduced, the speed of thought processes becomes slower.

At stages 2 and 3 of alcoholism, when drinking alcohol is stopped for a short time, withdrawal syndrome occurs - or the so-called “withdrawal syndrome”. In adolescents, it manifests itself with vegetative-vascular manifestations in the form of:

• heart rhythm disturbances;
• hypotension;
• pale skin;
• general weakness and lethargy.

In adults, withdrawal is expressed by mental manifestations - gloomy mood, increased irritability, inexplicable aggression towards others.

Unlike adults, teenagers cannot, due to the physiological characteristics of the body, enter into binge states. When consuming large doses of ethanol, they experience severe intoxication, accompanied by a gag reflex. Alcoholic psychoses also do not occur in adolescence. On the contrary, lethargy, drowsiness or hysteria appear. Adolescents may fake psychosis and withdrawal symptoms by imitating adults.

The main signs of alcoholism are:

• systematic drinking of alcohol without an eventful reason;
• uncontrollable irritation, aggressiveness;
• unreasonable mood swings;
• indifferent attitude towards oneself and others.

When you notice a combination of the described signs in your son, this is a sure sign that he is developing a pathological dependence on alcoholic beverages. In adults and adolescents, the diagnosis is made based on the collection of observational data and conversations with the patient, as well as with his close relatives.

How not to behave and what not to do if your son is an alcoholic

If your plans include helping your son return to a sober lifestyle, you need to establish a close, trusting relationship with him - without this, further steps will be meaningless.

You can find an approach if you take into account the following points that should be avoided if your son drinks:

• escalate the situation with shouting and quarrels;
• in conversations with your son, reproach, insult him, demonstrate your contempt;
• force you to undergo treatment for alcoholism;
• take on his responsibilities and regulate the consequences of his actions;
• financially sponsor an able-bodied adult;
• threaten something that is not realistic for you to fulfill;
• to deceive about something;
• create provocative situations with alcohol consumption.

The most important condition is goodwill with unobtrusiveness. Before you is an adult, he has the right to choose his destiny. Your task is to help make this step conscious and correct.

If your son has a family, you need to talk to his wife so that she becomes your ally. By combining joint efforts, we can ensure that a person stops drinking.

The future fate of your son depends on your patience, as well as persistent goodwill, so try to remember these tips from a psychologist when your son drinks:

1. create a calm, kind-hearted home environment;
2. show yourself as his ally, no matter what happens, make it clear to your son that you need and love him;
3. do not allow parasitism, create conditions under which a man will be forced to work in order to feel like a full-fledged member of the family, a husband for his wife, a father for his child and a caring son for his mother;
4. show your son that you share his problem with him, sympathize with him, but this should be in moderation;
5. give examples of alternatives to alcohol, tell about cases of someone you know returning to sobriety, even if this story is fiction;
6. instill in your son confidence in himself, in his abilities, in his future life;
7. help you prepare psychologically for drug treatment;
8. try to protect your son from unwanted contacts with alcoholic friends;
9. think about how you can diversify his free time, involving him in family affairs and household chores;
10. tactfully tell him about the problems that alcohol intoxication may entail and give him the necessary advice.

Your behavior should radiate calm, and most importantly, confidence that the situation is under control and everything can be fixed. This is the only way to behave with an alcoholic son in order to achieve a change in the situation. It would be a good idea for you to consult with a psychologist on this topic, since you also need support.

When to take action

According to psychotherapists, the time factor plays an important role in the treatment of alcoholism. Some mothers mistakenly think that if today her son drinks not so often or a little, then no measures need to be taken, everything will go away somehow on its own. This is a big misconception, because every addiction has its beginning, developing at any age. Parents should pay attention to their son’s tendency to drink alcohol and in a friendly manner, but persistently explain to him that such a lifestyle is unacceptable in the family.

In the case when your son has some problems that are oppressing him, try to resolve them together, showing that alcohol is not a way out of the situation, but only aggravates it. Help should not be in words, but in deeds.

If the addiction has not become chronic, any mother can help her child. Contact a narcologist in a timely manner, conduct a course of psychotherapy, and, if necessary, encourage drug therapy with coding.

Any means must be used to treat alcohol addiction - use folk methods, take herbal teas that cause aversion to alcohol, read prayers, and perhaps even resort to conspiracies. The most important thing is to act decisively without wasting precious time. You need to find an alternative to alcohol so that your son learns to enjoy life, and not from the amount of alcohol he drinks.

Alcoholism is a terrible scourge of modern times, and this problem can affect almost any family. And addiction creeps up unnoticed. If at first alcohol is drunk only occasionally, in order to relax and relieve stress, then over time this hobby acquires alarming proportions and becomes the main goal of the drinker. Friends and family members fade into the background.

At the same time, the drinking person does not even understand that he is turning the life of his household into a real hell. Relatives are faced with a pressing question: how to behave with an alcoholic in order to restructure his thinking and give him a desire to be treated for drunkenness? Psychologists say that the ability to conduct dialogues with an alcohol addict is a real science that needs to be learned.

There are some things you should know when dealing with alcohol-dependent family members.

The main thing that women who have the fate of becoming wives of alcohol addicts should understand is that they do not need to live for the well-being of their drinking husband. You cannot become a nanny for an adult. And this is precisely the tactic that women sometimes choose. What are their main mistakes?

• excessive care of the drinker;
• lack of conversations regarding the problem of drunkenness;
• removing all responsibility and responsibilities around the house from their shoulders.

A woman sometimes becomes a “man” herself, starting to earn money and carrying all the problems on her shoulders. Hiding your misfortune from the neighbors, and never reproaching your always drunk spouse, while trying to quietly and independently pull the reveler out of the next drinking bout.

A woman’s illiterate behavior with her drinking husband will sooner or later provoke her into severe depression, chronic fatigue and thoughts of suicide.

If you turn into a nanny for a drinking husband, then very soon the behavior of an alcoholic in the family will become dominant. Everything will revolve around his desire and he will even buy another bottle of alcohol on time. In this case, of course, the desire for the husband to give up drunkenness will forever remain only at the level of a dream. Women make the same mistakes when there is an alcoholic son in the family.

Features of the behavior of an alcoholic

The blame for the fact that the men they love cannot overcome their addiction, in this case, falls on the shoulders of the woman. Their boundless patience aggravates the problem, especially when they begin to consider this abnormal state of affairs habitual, chalking up their husband or son’s drunkenness to their heavy karma.

Psychologists advise radically changing your attitude towards your loved ones who drink and, above all, changing your behavioral tactics. Only in this case can you correct the situation and gain hope for the recovery of your beloved men. To have a competent relationship with drunkards, you should understand that you absolutely cannot indulge them. On the contrary, one should act using strict and unconditional methods.

How to behave correctly

Women who have to live with alcohol-dependent family members need to remember the main thing - the addict must realize that his addiction is becoming a big problem. And first of all, for himself and also for the rest of the family.

And for your spouse to understand this, you need to understand how to communicate with an alcoholic. Psychologists advise the following:

1. Stop solving their problems for drinkers. Let a person realize the consequences of drinking. That is, you should not shield him in front of management by helping him invent versions of his absence from work due to drunkenness.
2. Don't let yourself get hungover. Let the drunkard experience all the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. Otherwise, a hangover risks provoking another long-term binge.
3. Do not make empty threats and do not promise to do something that is a priori impossible, thus trying to influence the behavior of the drinker. An alcohol-dependent man often resembles a small, unreasonable child in his behavior. If at least once you do not fulfill your own threats, the drunkard will realize that these are just empty words, and he will calmly continue his drinking lifestyle.
4. Stop drinking alcohol yourself. If a husband or son drinks constantly, the woman (mother, wife) will have to forget about alcohol. Otherwise, men who drink will stop perceiving her as an authority.
5. You can't react with aggression. During the next binges, arrange breaking of dishes, screams, scenes, hysterics. Remember that a person who is in a drunken state can turn into an inadequate person who does not control his own actions. And blatant aggression from a woman can become a catalyst for insanity. This could end quite sadly.

For women, you should take one simple piece of advice. Conversations with alcohol-dependent family members must be based on argumentation and logic, but not on emotions. You should be able to recognize provocations and not follow the lead of addicts, trusting empty promises.

Features of alcoholism

When communicating with a drinking son or husband, it is necessary to conduct the conversation as objectively as possible, based on logical, understandable reasoning.

Drunkards should be made clear that the next time a woman has a breakdown, the most radical measures will be taken, including calling narcologists and compulsory treatment. A psychologist, discussing how to behave with an alcoholic during a binge, gives the following useful advice. They should be known and used.

Don't hide the fact of drunkenness

Let everyone know about this problem: colleagues, subordinates, neighbors, relatives, bosses. This can affect a person’s consciousness (if there is any left) and significantly reduce the number of binge drinking situations. When a man returns home after another drinking session, there is no need to be shy and smooth out this situation.

It is necessary to awaken the conscience of the drunkard. When a person becomes ashamed of his behavior in front of others, this becomes a strong argument in favor of thinking about treatment.

Know and always remember that you can fight the drinking habits of a loved one only in tough ways, sometimes even merciless. If a person does not want to embarrass himself, if he still values ​​his position and name, next time he will think about whether it is worth plunging into a drunken pool or taking up treatment and coping with alcohol addiction once and for all.

Deprive the drinker of free time

Life in the same family with a drinking man should become eventful and not lazy. You should try and deprive the drunkard of free time. After all, it is the presence of idleness that sometimes becomes the start of a new drunken state. A woman needs to learn not only how to have interesting and entertaining conversations, but also how to bring something new and exciting into family life.

Reasons for the development of alcoholism

When choosing an exciting activity for a drinking son or spouse, you should not pursue your interests and impose an activity that obviously will not attract a man.

In this case, memory will help. After all, life with a person did not begin from the moment he became interested in alcohol. It should be remembered that he was once interested. Moreover, the woman herself will have to get carried away with this activity. Not only to revive a long-forgotten interest, but also to completely share it. In this matter, you can involve non-drinking friends or colleagues.

After all, when a person is constantly among a sober social circle, the number of drunken sessions is significantly reduced. Especially if the circle of interesting and necessary acquaintances not only does not welcome alcoholism, but also despises such a lifestyle. Being among sober people will make it easier for the drinker to get rid of his own addiction.

Make you think

About the fact that a drinking husband can lose his wife, and a drunkard son can lose his mother’s favor. This is a rather radical method, but sometimes it becomes the most successful. The spouse should be made to understand that other men who lead a sober lifestyle earn much more (after all, they do not have to spend money on vodka, and working hours on binge drinking and abstinence).

It is necessary to get the drinking spouse to understand that the wife will sooner or later get tired of such an existence. And she will simply leave for another, more successful and non-drinker. In relation to the son, one should awaken in him the awareness that if his mother turns away from him, he will be useless to anyone, without a livelihood, without his mother’s delicious dinners. Find yourself on the sidelines of a life that risks ending too quickly.

The main causes of alcohol addiction

How to behave during periods of sobriety

Sooner or later, but any binge ends. And there comes a period of short-term calm. This is the time that becomes the most favorable for a heart-to-heart conversation with a drunkard.. But conversations should be conducted wisely, namely:

• do not interrupt;
• be able to listen to a person;
• do not praise him for not drinking now;
• make significant, important arguments;
• speak in a calm tone that inspires confidence;
• try not to touch upon past “drunk” behavior at all.

This time for a woman who is fighting for the preservation of family relationships and the health of loved ones becomes the most important and responsible. You should put all your efforts into making the drunkard realize that he has a deadly problem and consent to treatment.

How not to lose trust

A woman needs to carefully think through her own behavior when communicating with loved ones and constantly control herself. This is necessary so as not to lose a trusting relationship (if it still exists).

It is the trust of drinking family members that can play a decisive role in their future and force them to open their eyes to their problem.

All a woman’s behavior, her communication should be structured in such a way that a person after a binge does not feel humiliated and does not turn away. You can lose trust in literally a minute, but it’s not always possible to regain it. To do this, you should arm yourself with the following advice from a psychologist:

• You shouldn’t ask questions about whether you drank or didn’t drink, where you were, who you talked to;
• do not take a drop of alcohol into your mouth, preferring non-alcoholic drinks;
• you cannot sniff (sniff) a person who has come home to look for traces of alcohol consumption;
• It is strictly not recommended to remember past events, a person’s behavior during drinking bouts, quarrels with him and the nuances of “drunk” events;
• giving up holidays or visiting parties is a bad idea (communication and a change of environment during this period of remission will only benefit the drinker).

The main thing a woman needs to know is that all her efforts are aimed only at the future. Memories of past binges should be irrevocably left in the past and forgotten about them.

Features of the psychology of an alcoholic

Remember that it is extremely difficult and difficult to cope with such a disaster alone. Therefore, you should gain the support of as many people as possible. And you shouldn’t drop everything and run to your mother at the first breakdown of your spouse or completely ignore your son. To communicate competently with a binge alcoholic, you need to remember to be constantly vigilant, otherwise there is a high probability of a quick breakdown and withdrawal into another drunken state.

Therefore, under no circumstances should a man be allowed to visit or go to gatherings alone. You should put aside all your own affairs and become his accompaniment in this case. It is necessary to direct all efforts to ensure that the drinker understands that sobriety is not some kind of achievement, but an ordinary reality, a norm of life. Otherwise, in sober moments of life, an alcohol addict will expect special treatment, and drunkenness will remain the norm for him.

To summarize what has been said

With a competent approach and skillful behavior, an intelligent woman is able to transform a constantly drunk man into an “occasionally drinking” man. And make it so that if he starts drinking in the future, it will be without going on long bouts of drinking. It is possible and necessary to fight alcoholism. Especially if your closest and dearest people become drunkards.

Every effort should be made, directing them to pull relatives out of the drunken pool, in which many people have already perished. And soon the drinker himself will understand that maintaining a healthy (sober) lifestyle is much better than constantly drinking. After all, in addition to family comfort, your career and health itself will go uphill.