Alarming events in the world lead to the fact that more and more people are beginning to seek peace in the Church and protection from God, but many do not know how to do this, sometimes embarrassed by their Christian illiteracy and lack of faith. It is almost impossible to independently join the spiritual life or join a church, learn to read the Bible and understand it, or know the rules of conduct in church.
Many Christians, baptized in infancy, strive to get closer to the Sacraments of the Church and, as a rule, do this by consulting with people around them, without even realizing that a spiritual mentor in the Orthodox Church can help them.
Spiritual mentor - wise assistant
Christians who often attend temple services meet with the same priests, and sometimes they are the same person. During sermons and Liturgies, Orthodox believers have questions that even close friends cannot answer.
Sometimes life situations develop in such a way that it is impossible to tell anyone about them at all, but the problem tears the heart apart, and then the person goes to the temple to the priest.
How to Find a Spiritual Guide
A huge gift has been acquired by those Christians who for a long time have had the opportunity to receive encouragement and guidance from a spiritual mentor at any time.
A spiritual mentor is a person who is well versed in Orthodoxy, constantly reads spiritual literature, fasts, prays, and fulfills all the canons. The priest of the local church does not always become the spiritual guardian; it can be a Sunday school teacher or a churchgoer, that is, a person living the life of the temple.
For Christians who rarely go to church, a close person who honors God with their whole life and serves as an example and light for others can become a spiritual helper. “By their works you will know,” wrote the Apostle Matthew (Matthew 7:16)
A spiritual mentor is a person sent by God who will help a soul seeking God:
- come to true repentance;
- to know the meaning of the Savior’s Sacrifice;
- learn to fear God based on trust in Him;
- “put on” the faith of Christ as if it were armor.
About the priesthood:
What is the role of a spiritual director?
For Christian development, liberation from sins, and vision of the goals of life, people constantly need outside help. Psychologists, psychoanalysts, healers and coaches have appeared in worldly life, who are ready to help solve any problem for a lot of money, but there is no money, no help.
In the Christian life, a spiritual mentor performs all the functions of the above-mentioned assistants in solving all problems.
The Role of the Spiritual Guide
As a healer, a spiritual mentor is ready to listen to any problem, not to judge, but to help find a way out, support a Christian, fill him with faith that it was for him, his sins, that Jesus went to the cross.
A teacher who understands the Bible will show those places in the Holy Scriptures that should be read in certain cases in order to find a way out of any dead end, be it:
- disease;
- business;
- debts;
- family relationships;
- disobedience of children.
Finding a real Orthodox teacher is like winning a big prize in the lottery. Having a good friend who is always ready to help not only through the word of God, but also in action, should be greatly appreciated and respected.
Spiritual issues of the Orthodox faith:
- Is it possible to bury a pet in a human cemetery?
A spiritual mentor may have many wards, each of them needs attention, and a family also lives near the teacher, they also need to devote time, so treat the messenger of God with special warmth and care, respecting his time.
Important! Not a single psychologist or coach takes responsibility for the consultation, while an Orthodox counselor is responsible to God for every Christian, because he is entrusted with “shepherding the sheep.”
To achieve a goal and solve a problem, lay specialists use a variety of methods, including hypnosis and manipulation. God's servant will walk along the road of Light, leading the people entrusted to him, guided by the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the canons of Orthodoxy, and the experience of the Fathers of the Church.
Reading the Bible
The ultimate goal of spiritual growth is to strengthen a Christian of little faith on the path to eternal life, to help him truly become a church member, to grow in faith, so that he can soon become, albeit a small, mentor.
What criteria do you use to choose a counselor?
When choosing a Christian counselor, it is better for a person to be guided by his own feelings, and not by the advice of friends.
To be honest, not all priests are examples of Christian life, it is not for us to judge them, for this there is the judgment of God, but it is also difficult to trust an unfaithful person in a small servant of God.
- A spiritual mentor must set an example of Christian life not only in ministry, but also in everyday affairs and family relationships. It is difficult to trust a person whose children have gone the wrong way; there is no harmony in the relationship between the spouses.
- Behavior during fasting characterizes a clergyman. How to trust someone who, while preaching strict abstinence, himself suffers from obesity, because fasting in Orthodoxy lasts more than 200 days.
- One of the indicators of choosing a spiritual guide is trust. Some priests suffer, to put it mildly, from incontinence of the tongue when what is said in confession becomes the property of the entire populated area, especially in villages and small towns.
Confession of sins
A person who comes for advice, opens his soul, then burns with shame and resentment. There is only one harm from the help of such “advisers”. Deceitful, dishonest people cannot claim to be a spiritual mentor, just like thieves and adulterers, even if they hide their vices very well. God will definitely bring grave sins to light, especially for priests. After all, it is said that to whom God has entrusted much, He will ask much from them (Luke 12:48).
- God's trustee is manifested in relation to the poor, the sick and the elderly. A true servant “will not take off his neighbor’s last shirt”; if necessary, he will serve without pay, with a blessing.
- It is scary to fall into the hands of a fanatical believer, who with his “righteousness” will humiliate and fill the person who trusted him with a feeling of self-humiliation and failure as a Christian. A reasonable teacher will spell out Scripture, teach you how to understand It, take it into your mind and heart, live according to It, walking the bright path to Christ.
- Unrighteous rage and anger during consultation are unacceptable for a priest to whom a person of little faith or lost in passions has come.
A spiritual mentor will always find something to thank God for in any situation and will teach the ward how to trust the Creator and Savior according to the word of God.
Advice! Don't stop, it's better to make mistakes two or three times than to stand still. Every time before going to a consultation or conversation, you need to pray fervently and ask the Creator to direct you to the mentor who will lead you along the right path.
If, after meeting alone with your chosen mentor, you are left with a feeling of relief, joy, peace and tranquility sets in, when you want to plunge deeper and deeper into the word of God, an understanding of the Sacrifice of Christ and faith in intense prayer appear, then rest assured that this is the spiritual one sent to you by God. mentor.
If this is not the priest of your church, then ask for a blessing in the temple to receive spiritual grace from another person.
A counselor becomes a teacher, adviser, friend who will show a way out in a difficult life situation. At the same time, he will understand and will not judge, he will act in love, which fills the heart of the mentor with the Holy Trinity.
How to choose a spiritual father? Archpriest Vladimir Golovin
Modern people are exhausted, they have gone crazy and have reached complete darkness from their sins and selfishness. Therefore, now more than ever, good and experienced confessors are needed who will treat their children with unfeigned love and sincerity and will guide them wisely so that their souls find peace. If there are no good spiritual mentors, then churches will be empty, but hospitals, psychiatric institutions and prisons will be overcrowded. People need to understand that the reason for their suffering is separation from God. They must humbly repent and confess their sins. And the task of a spiritual father is to heal the human soul. There is no better doctor than a wise confessor, whose pure life inspires trust. Without any medicine - by the grace of God alone - he heals bodies and souls, driving out thoughts inspired by the devil. Enlightened by the Holy Spirit, a spiritual shepherd understands the state of a person and can guide him on the right path.
You can confess to any priest, because each of them has Divine grace, and when they read the prayer of permission, God covers everything. But if someone is looking for a spiritual mentor, he should not go blindly, because only one who, through asceticism, has gained experience and purified his soul, can minister to others.
You need to find an experienced confessor who will treat you with love, and turn to him for advice. You cannot cure at a distance - the doctor must be nearby. From a distance, you can only ask for prayer.
Of course, a person must find a spiritual mentor for himself. There is no need to entrust your soul to just anyone. Wanting to be healed physically, a person turns to a skilled doctor. In an effort to gain mental health, you need to find an experienced confessor and constantly reveal to this spiritual doctor the illnesses of your soul.
It is better to find a spiritual leader nearby, where you live, because he, like a doctor, must always know the condition of the “patient” so that he can give the necessary “medicine” at any time. He may find a suitable remedy, but if after a few days something significant happens and your inner disposition changes, then it will become useless. Once, having a cold in my head, I applied a patch, and the pain subsided. Another, seeing this, did the same when he had a headache, but the pain became stronger because it arose not from the cold, but from the heat. It’s clear why your confessor needs to know your condition?
The most important thing now is to have a spiritual leader whom you can trust, so that you can constantly go to confession and ask for advice. If people go to church, receive communion, are ministered to by an experienced confessor, and find time to pray and read religious literature, then they may not fear anything in this life.
For the soul to move along the right path, it must be led by a spiritual leader. For example, reading religious literature greatly contributes to spiritual success. However, a person who does not have a confessor can understand what he read in his own way and be spiritually damaged as a result. A believer must have a spiritual mentor who will constantly accept his confession and give advice. Without this, a person living spiritually cannot be convinced that he is on the right path.
An Orthodox Christian who does not have a spiritual leader loses his way, becomes exhausted and can barely move his legs. It is very difficult for him to achieve his goal. Anyone who tries to solve his problems on his own, no matter how smart he is, remains in darkness because he behaves proudly and with conceit. And a person who denies himself, humbles himself and carries out the will of his spiritual father with trust, receives help, because in this case the Lord will certainly reveal to the confessor how to act correctly.
In order for a spiritual mentor to solve a problem involving two people, he needs to communicate with both. When listening to the disagreements between two people, the confessor should have an idea of the state of both, since each of them can cover events in his own way. The confessor can only intervene in this if they agree to resolve the matter according to the Gospel, because all other options will be a complete headache, so you will have to swallow pills all the time. In addition, the confessor must show each of the disputants his place, without justifying anyone, opening the eyes of both to their shortcomings. This way he will smooth out all the corners and lead people to mutual understanding and unanimity.
In order to create a strong Orthodox family, spouses need to find an experienced spiritual father who will be a mediator between them and will not allow quarrels. If the husband and wife do not find mutual understanding, then with hope in God they will ask the confessor for advice. Otherwise, the marriage may fall apart: parents will intervene, everyone will pull in their own direction, and the family will be destroyed. If the spouses have a spiritual mentor, he will be able to help them in difficult circumstances.
In family life, it is very important that none of the spouses justify themselves. If both husband and wife believe that they are always right, then no matter how much they read spiritual literature, it will be of no use. And if they have a good disposition and live in obedience to their confessor, they will not have difficulties. Without a spiritual “judge of the peace,” a full-fledged family life is impossible. The best thing is for spouses to have the same spiritual father. If the boards are cut by different carpenters, each in their own way, then they will not be able to fit tightly to one another. And if a husband and wife have the same confessor, he “cuts off” the “corners” - that is, the flaws - of both. When he smoothes out the imperfections of both, problems in their relationship disappear. But now even those married couples who are attentive to their spiritual life rarely have one confessor, so there is no one to help them. I know of spouses who were very suitable for each other, but they separated because there was no spiritual leader who could solve the problems of both. And in other families, husband and wife, having the same spiritual father, live in peace and harmony, although they are very little suited to each other.
Of course, it is even better if the whole family has one confessor. If difficulties arise, he can look at the issue from different angles, talking with all family members. In one case, he will give strict orders to the parents, in another, he will call the children to him if he does not understand the situation according to the words of the father or mother. Or, for example, if there are problems in the family, the cause of which is the wife, the confessor can advise the husband what to do. In the end, he may turn to one of his family or friends for help.
Elder Paisios always said that confessors and clergy need to be very careful in matters of spiritual guidance, and he related the following incident:
- When in my youth I lived in the desert in Sinai, I fasted very strictly - I didn’t eat anything all week, and on Saturday I allowed myself a little rice with olive oil. There we encountered one problem: we often did not serve the liturgy. Suddenly on Sunday they told me that there would be a service. I wanted to take communion. An unknown priest called me and asked what I had eaten the day before. Having learned that the rice was with butter, he said that he could not allow me to take communion, because I had not fasted yesterday. He didn't even ask why I ate - maybe because I was sick - and after that I didn't tell him that I hadn't eaten all week.
Anyone who is in a hurry to become a confessor, although he himself has not yet achieved spiritual health, is like an unripe tart quince, from which it is impossible to make tasty jam, no matter how much sugar you pour into it, and if you make jam from it, it will quickly turn sour. Heartfelt words and great truths have value only when spoken by worthy lips. And only people with a good disposition and a pure mind can accommodate this.
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Spiritual mentor
Question: Who is a spiritual director and what is his role in the life of a Christian?
Answer: To begin with, we present excerpts from the collection of sayings of the holy fathers “The Spiritual Leader and the Attitude of an Orthodox Christian to Him,” a collection that is very useful for every Orthodox Christian to read.
“The leader in spiritual life for every Christian must necessarily be a priest-confessor, to whom he must resort not only for confession, but also for teaching.”
“Try to have a spiritual father all your life, reveal to him your sins and thoughts, weaknesses and temptations, use his advice and instructions - then you will conveniently find the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Without your closest leaders, you cannot live sacredly on earth. You will find them in the Church, where the Holy Spirit appoints them to shepherd the flock of Christ. Pray to the Lord to grant you a beneficial confessor at the right time, and without your asking he will speak a comforting word to you. The Spirit of God will teach him what is proper to say to you, and you will hear from him what pleases God.”
“Commit your heart to obedience to your spiritual father, and the Grace of God will dwell in you.”
Here are just a few of the sayings of the holy fathers relating to the relationship between an Orthodox Christian and his spiritual leader.
Great happiness for a Christian is to find a worthy confessor who will take responsibility before God for the spiritual life of his “child”, will pray for him, monitor his spiritual growth, guide him in all cases of his life, guiding him on the path of virtue that leads to Eternal Life.
For a Christian who has a confessor, the path to resolving the life problems that confront him is completely different from that of people of “this world” who live without Faith, outside the Church and therefore wander in the darkness of ignorance regarding the things and phenomena of real life.
When such “non-church” people are faced with various life problems, they are forced to solve them, relying only on their own reason, life experience, or on the advice of “non-church” people like themselves. As a rule, in such cases, problems remain unresolved, or their resolution entails other, no less problems.
This happens because the cause of all troubles and problems of a person lies in himself, in the separation of his soul from God, in the violation of internal spiritual harmony as a result of sins accumulated throughout life.
You cannot break God’s Commandments without consequences!
If you pour sunflower oil into your car engine instead of motor oil, it will spoil. If you plug a Christmas tree garland designed for 127 volts into a 220 volt outlet, it will “burn out.”
Because the creators of the engine and the garland, when developing them, provided for a certain operating mode for their products, the violation of which entails their failure.
Likewise, God, who created man, gave him His Commandments as rules, by following which man maintains his soul in a “normal”, harmonious state.
A reasonable person, if his TV is broken, turns to a repairman, a person who is specially trained and knows how to fix the TV.
The unreasonable one starts picking at the microcircuits himself with a screwdriver or calls a neighbor who, not being a specialist, only helps the owner break this TV.
Likewise, the people of “this world,” when faced with life problems that are a consequence of their sins, try to solve them themselves or, even worse, run to their “neighbors” - sorcerers, psychics, fortune-tellers.
The result is inevitably sad.
A Christian who tries to keep God’s Commandments has a clear conscience and peace in his soul; the events of his external life that happen to him do not destroy his internal harmony, but contribute to even greater improvement of the spirit; just like fire and water, they harden iron, making it strong steel.
An Orthodox Christian, faced with any life problem, goes for advice to his confessor, knowing that he is asking for an answer to his question not from a person, even a righteous and spiritually experienced one, but from God, Who sees his Faith and gives it to him through the confessor is the necessary advice and blessing.
Having received the blessing of a confessor for any matter, a Christian, without doubt, fulfills it as obedience, and the Lord will certainly give him His Graceful Help in this.
The Church, through the mouth of the elders, teaches: “Commit your heart to obedience to your spiritual father, and the Grace of God will dwell in you.”
Question: How can a new Christian find a spiritual leader?
Answer: The Church gives Christians the right to choose their own spiritual mentor. It would be great if it was a priest from the nearest temple.
But, since the structure of the soul of each Christian is purely individual, and priests are also different in character and spiritual experience, it is very important to find a confessor so that there is heartfelt contact, mutual understanding and complete trust between the Christian and his chosen confessor.
Then spiritual guidance will bear good fruit.
We can give some practical advice to people who want to find a spiritual mentor:
First of all, pray earnestly to God, asking Him to grant you a reasonable and kind mentor. As you ask, so shall you receive.
Go to the nearest temple, pay attention to the priests during the service.
Try to feel with your heart who it will settle down to.
Approach this priest for confession, repent of your sins, ask questions that concern you.
Depending on whether the priest treats you attentively or indifferently, with sympathy or indifference, decide for yourself whether to entrust him with the solution of your painful problems or limit yourself to confession and absolution from sins, and then look for another confessor.
But, if you have entrusted it and received advice and blessing from him, carry it out sacredly, as received from the Lord Himself, and do not then run from one priest to another in the hope of changing the instructions you did not like.
The same Christ acts equally through all priests, and therefore it is a sin to address the same question twice to different priests.
If in the nearest church you were unable to find a priest to whom you would dare to entrust your soul for spiritual guidance, do not worry.
Even in pre-revolutionary Russia, many went to solve important issues in their lives in Optina Pustyn to the great elders, in Diveevo, and in other places where there were priests renowned for the height of their spiritual life.
As you begin to visit churches and enter into communication with other Orthodox Christians, you will hear which churches and which priests enjoy authority and love among the parishioners, and your opportunities to find a spiritual leader will expand significantly.
“If there is no experienced mentor and a Christian goes to the confessor who is available, then the Lord will cover him for his humility.”
Those who wish to find a spiritual mentor need to remember the words of the Lord Jesus Christ: “Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find.”
The main thing is not to stop praying earnestly to the Lord, and He will give you a mentor for Salvation.
Is it possible to strive without spiritual guidance? It’s an idle question, because the answer to it is obvious: it’s impossible. It is impossible to do without a mentor in such a complex area as spirituality. But how to find a spiritual director? Do you need to actively and purposefully search, travel to monasteries, go from one priest to another?.. How do you understand that this priest is your confessor? And what should its leadership be? Explanations are given by the pastors of the Russian Church.
The Mystery of God's Care
How to find a confessor? I haven't looked, I don't know. To me, 22 years old, a confessor was given by God at the moment of my baptism. Therefore, I recognize his role in my life as a providential given, necessary for my salvation. If even earthly marriages “take place in Heaven,” then the finding of a confessor is all the more revealed from the mystery of God’s care for the soul who believes in Christ.
We have the example of Christ, we have the Gospel, we have the Tradition of the Church
There is no one answer, it is deeply individual. How to find a confessor? I don’t know, God may send him unexpectedly, but it happens that you can look for him all your life and not find him or find him. It’s different for everyone, but what’s important for all Christians: no one has canceled the Gospel, expressed in its complex history, tradition, spiritual literature, and worship. Are these minor things? A confessor is not a panacea or a solution to all problems. Probably 95% of Christians do not have confessors (not just confessing priests, but confessors). And the Kingdom of Heaven is closed to them? And Christ? Is it not He who bestows it? Therefore, if a confessor is sought to become the living Christ on earth, to overshadow Him, there is no meaning in him, but only harm.
God will send you a spiritual leader - just don’t miss it
A spiritual leader is difficult to find. But it has been noticed by many people: scientists, theologians, and ascetics: if you ask God for a spiritual guide, He will send him to you. He will send it to you, just don't miss it. But if you ask for something absolutely incredible, great, holy, you may simply not wait for this. Bishop Onuphry said in one of his interviews: “I don’t need a perspicacious leader, because I myself know all my sins. What else is there to see? And so everything is clear. I don't need a holy leader, why? What will this give me for salvation? I need a person who will understand me, who will not judge me, who will lend a shoulder. And who knows that one cannot demand incredible and amazing heights from a person that we cannot achieve. He can simply understand, feel and help in the most difficult moments.” If you ask for the kind of leader that Bishop Onuphry spoke about, then God will send him.
And without spiritual guidance it is impossible to be saved at all. Without spiritual guidance it is disastrous and deadly. You can never rely on yourself for anything. I always make this comparison for modern people: spaceships and space stations certainly fly with the help and under the careful control of a ground control station, because in space, as everyone knows, astronauts even perceive humor differently than on Earth. And they may not understand or see what is being done to their spaceship. They are carefully, carefully told from the Earth: “We must turn on such and such engines in order to level your orbit, raise it a little so that it no longer declines.” This means that after 10 minutes the engines will turn on for one and a half, 25 or 30 seconds, and don’t twitch, don’t be afraid of this. So that they realize this and really are not afraid.
Every person needs something similar. We have a consciousness that does not firmly reflect reality. It is constantly changing. I even have a term: “floating consciousness.” There is no constant and firm correspondence of our consciousness with reality. And this is where it is needed. He should say: “Stop, stop, stop! Why? Where is this? What is it?" He must help - and help kindly, with love.
No one is immune from mistakes and mistakes. And even the greatest ascetics always go to their confessor and confess.
A confessor is needed to tell us at the right moment: “Stop! Where are you going?"
I was very impressed by how His Holiness Patriarch Pimen, for whom I was a subdeacon, one day during the service, right before Communion, suddenly called Father Alexy Demin, a 90-year-old clergyman of the Patriarchal Epiphany Cathedral, and said: “I must confess.” He went to the altar and confessed. And a simple rural priest, an ordinary one, took the altar cross, read a prayer of permission and blessed the head of His Holiness the Patriarch. Because the patriarch, like a good experienced monk, knows how scary a small deviation to the side is, and if you don’t slow down now - even in confession to a simple priest, the consequences can be terrifying and terrible.
This is why it is necessary to always confess, in all cases, even this is how His Holiness Patriarch Pimen confessed on the go, in order to be of a strong mind and firmly standing on the ground without any distractions and any deviations to the side in the creation of one’s salvation.
Obedience is the principle of godlikeness
The importance of spiritual direction comes from a simple but very basic Christian principle - the principle. The Son was obedient to the Father even to the point of death, even death on the cross. The principle of obedience is not discipline in the church, so that it is easier for bishops and priests to govern the flock, but this is the principle of likeness to God, which can and should be implemented by us in our lives. Of course, this is possible in a family: children in relation to parents, younger ones in relation to elders, spouses in relation to each other to one degree or another. But most naturally this can be realized through spiritual leadership in the Church: in a parish, in a monastery.
The measures and limits here can be very different, but the most important thing, in my opinion, is that the one you are looking for as a spiritual leader is a good person. Everything else can be very different, everything else is difficult to measure things: prayerfulness, many years of experience and whatnot. Just a truly good person. It does not mean - without mistakes, without sinful deviations, without any imperfections, but in the main thing, basically in what the soul feels - a good person. A good person can be obeyed.
If there is no tradition of succession of clergy, we are dealing with a remake
In order not to be deceived in a confessor, you need to clearly know that he also has a confessor
He said: lately there will be no spiritual guides - save yourself by reading books. This is the subjective reality of our days, but, by the grace of God, there are still people who have the skill of spiritual leadership.
But in order not to be deceived in your confessor, you must clearly make sure that he also has a confessor, and that confessor also has a confessor. Because if there is no tradition of succession of clergy, then we are dealing with a remake. But a remake is always bad, it’s always an imitation of something. Therefore, it is very important that the continuity of spiritual leadership from one confessor to another is maintained. This, by the way, was the strength of Optina Pustyn, which, through Paisius Velichkovsky, revived the Athonite tradition of succession from one elder to another. Unfortunately, now many people lack this and some young people who themselves were not under spiritual control are becoming elders, and by communicating with such people, we risk passing off as something truly valuable and significant something that is actually cheap a remake and nothing more.
Without a confessor there will be no solidity in spiritual life
Anyone who finds a confessor in time is a happy person. I was very unlucky in this regard. Before receiving sound spiritual guidance, I went through false teaching and suffered great spiritual damage. Therefore, I have something to compare with.
Guidance from a confessor is a priceless gift, which may not even be immediately recognized. Do we immediately appreciate the fact that we have parents? You understand the value of it only later. The same applies to the confessor.
Without a confessor there will be no solidity in spiritual life. Is it possible to learn to drive a car yourself, learn a foreign language without a teacher, or walk through an unfamiliar area without a guide? If this happens, it is only in exceptional cases. For everyone, the general rule is the need for leadership. In the most difficult situations of my life, it was my frankness before my confessor and his prayer and attention that saved me from trouble more than once. Therefore, now I know for sure: if you want to save your soul, have a confessor.
In general, it is important for a person that someone can hear him in troubles and sorrows and be able to give him the advice he needs. And, in fact, who could become an even more reliable support here than a clergyman, to whom God entrusted His grace to strengthen the believers? Clergy is very necessary. Otherwise, Christians will rush to a psychologist instead of a priest and say that they received more benefits from him than from the priest.
Of course, for the forgiveness of sin, it does not matter who confesses you. The Sacrament of Confession itself, with pure repentance, burns sins to ashes, because before the Holy Spirit our sins are like stubble before fire. Repentant, confessed sin disappears. But if, through a sinful life and immersion in delusions, internal breakdowns have occurred in the soul, then the wounds remain for a long time, they remind of themselves. That is why you sometimes need a confessor, someone who knows all your spiritual characteristics, all life’s stumbling blocks, mistakes, weaknesses and damages received and committed by your soul. A confessor is someone who finds the key to the problems of your soul and helps you get out of them by turning to God. The confessor helps you find that personal path on which your soul will open up before the Lord and accept His grace.
How to find a confessor? Firstly, we must really ask the Lord about this. Secondly, try to notice which of the priests your soul opens up to in particular, whose instructions especially solve the problems that arise for you.
The confessor, first of all, reveals the internal disorder of the spiritual child
Often we go to confessors with some question, hoping to find an answer. At the same time, we naively think that having received a resolution to the issue, we will immediately make our life easier. However, experienced confessors see that each of us suffers not from an unresolved issue, but from a whole complex of spiritual problems that we may not even think about. Therefore, true clergy consists not only in resolving momentary issues, but, first of all, in revealing in a spiritual child his basic internal disorders, in solving problems that prevent the child, in essence, from being with God.
Often we like those confessors who allow us to do what we ourselves want. It is painful to hear the bitter truth about our way of life, it is scary to change ourselves, and therefore we often seek a confessor to adapt to us, soften the demands of spiritual life and help, so to speak, to make a compromise between our conscience and our laxity. This is very wrong. It is important to find a confessor who would help us gradually change ourselves, to free ourselves from old age, who would select the spiritual treatment that would be most effective against our main passions.
The confessor sees us from the outside
Spiritual direction is essential for a Christian. In any business starting from scratch, a person needs an assistant, a mentor. You cannot achieve results in a foreign language by studying according to a self-instruction manual. It is impossible to get results in the gym without turning to a trainer. It’s the same in spiritual life: you need someone who sees you from the outside, and also (God willing) has certain skills in spiritual life, which he can teach not from books, but from experience.
A confessor is a person with whom a parishioner regularly confesses and with whom he consults on various issues of inner life. In order to meet such a person, you need to pray for such a meeting, attend services in several churches. Look at the communities - what the people are like, how the priest serves and preaches. If your heart is drawn to someone, approach and arrange a meeting at which you can ask questions and/or confession. This is how a contact can begin that will later develop into a serious relationship of spiritual growth for both the parishioner and the priest.
True confessors do not ruin the spiritual and social life of their children
First, you need to go through a good school of spiritual guidance yourself. This is both in and in the Church. Only those who have gone through the school of obedience, humility, and controllability can rule and command. Someone who knows what it's like to be submissive.
Not to be a spiritual leader, but to prepare yourself to be nourished by a confessor.
He who knows what it is like to be subordinate treats the subordinates, the flock, with mercy and compassion. When a person jumps into the position of bishop who has not gone through a genuine theological school - neither a serious parish school nor a monastic one, but who has rubbed shoulders with the bishop as a subdeacon for some time and essentially does not know the life of the flock, then nothing good can come of it. Unless by the great mercy and grace of God. This applies to shepherding in general and church governance.
As for spiritual guidance, namely the salvation of souls, this is a science, and a person himself should not take it upon himself.
We have nowhere to go, since confession before Communion is mandatory for us. That’s why young, inexperienced priests are also appointed to confess. In Greece, the attitude towards confession is completely different: inexperienced people are not invited to confession. Another thing is that, unfortunately, not everyone there confesses. Young priests in Greece are prohibited from confessing. They are sent to confession to experienced, serious confessors. For us this is unrealistic and unfeasible. And young priests, in my opinion, should be very careful. In a number of cases, if they are faced with a problem that is clearly insoluble for them, clearly beyond their spiritual experience, they must know to whom to send the confessor if he shows sufficient will to do so. Here you need a clear understanding of your competence. This is, firstly.
Secondly, one should not seek spiritual guidance or feel the desire to become a spiritual leader.
How to find yourself a spiritual leader? The Scripture says: “You will be reverent with the venerable... and with the chosen you will be chosen, and with the obstinate you will be corrupt” (Ps. 17: 26-27). We must look for people who are reverent, chosen, and prayerful. It is not necessary that these people be nice, famous and well-known people. The main thing is that these are people of grace, around whom love and peace reign, and whose children’s lives are arranged for salvation.
What are the characteristics of true shepherds? - Lack of lust for power and at the same time real spiritual power
What are the characteristics of such shepherds? I will note this: the absence of lust for power and at the same time real spiritual power, because from the ill-considered lust for power of confessors a lot of bad things happen in the lives of the flock. True confessors do not ruin the spiritual and social life of their children. They, like experienced gardeners, on the contrary, carefully straighten the crooked; like experienced doctors, they bandage the lame; They awaken to life all living things that are in their child. They often say, as my late confessor Father Vasily Ermakov did: “Think for yourself.” They don’t become crutches, they don’t become substitutes, but, on the contrary, they try to ensure that their children would rather go on their own, think, do, and decide for most of their lives. They do not trample on the God-given freedom of their children, but offer surprisingly delicate advice, as Father John (Krestyankin) did. I remember communicating with him: he gave delicate advice. I received “the full program” if I didn’t obey him, and only after that I understood it, but even then he accepted me with all his love, despite my stubbornness, disobedience, stupidity, unreasonableness, and pride. This is also an amazing trait of a true confessor - such patience and love.
Terrible troubles arise from the lust for power and from the seeking of spiritual power, from spiritual tyranny. I knew of one simply tragic case, connected with a very famous confessor - I will not mention his name. His child, a future priest, came to his reception with his bride, whom he loved. At this confessor’s reception, a girl was sitting on the sofa. This future priest asks the elder: “Father, bless me to marry so-and-so.” “No, she’s not yours, but here she is, waiting for you,” and points to a completely unfamiliar girl sitting on the sofa. - This is where you will get married. Clear?" He, in obedience to his confessor, broke off communication with the bride, with whom everything had been agreed, and married the one whom the elder advised. What happened? His wife loved him with all her soul, but he could not see her. When she came to his place of service, literally a few hours later he went with her to the station, bought her a return ticket and escorted her to the next station so that she would not decide to jump out on the way and return to him.
So many tragedies arose from the power-hungry and unreasonable leadership of confessors!.. A true confessor should not power-hungry trample on his child. Where necessary, he, of course, must intervene, and testify to the untruth of his life, and instruct him firmly. But where there are no shameful and sinful things, where the child should and can act on his own, there a real confessor must give this the “green light”.
We must clearly distinguish between the problems of spiritual life and those related to our social and family responsibilities
How to find a real confessor? We need to pray about this. We must lead a regular church life and ask the Lord. Here it is not even necessary that the confessor be glorious, great, spiritual. It is enough that he is simply a kind priest, conscientious about his spiritual duties, attentive and prayerful. If a person trusts him and prays to God that God will reveal His will through him, then he will receive everything according to his request, he will receive everything he needs for salvation.
Another thing is that we must clearly separate things related to our spiritual life, to our salvation - and, on the other hand, to our social and family responsibilities. My late grandmother had such a case. During confession, the priest asked her: “Where do you work?” And she worked at the Baltic Defense Plant; she had no right to talk about her place of work. And she found the courage and spiritual intelligence to say: “Father, forgive me, this does not apply to confession.” Reasoning and sobriety are needed both for the confessor himself and for his child.
Recently, one of the oldest Moscow priests, Archpriest Nikolai Vedernikov, spoke to Pravmire about his life. In another interview with the site, he reflects on clergy and the meaning of spiritual life.
Those who take their spiritual life seriously are looking for a spiritual mentor
- Father Nikolai, in your opinion, is it necessary for a Christian to have a confessor?
It is advisable to confess to one priest. Of course, the Lord accepts, the priest is only a witness, and if a person sincerely repents of his sins, the sacrament is valid, regardless of whether he confessed to a priest he knew, how pious the priest is. But it is better when the priest knows the parishioner, when there is a truly trusting relationship between them.
If a person is serious about his spiritual life, he usually finds a priest with whom such a relationship develops. Maybe not right away, but he finds it. This is very important for spiritual growth. When a stranger comes to me for confession, I always ask if he has a spiritual mentor. And for the most part it turns out that no, even if he is not confessing for the first time and has been going to church for more than one year. This always makes me sad. It is sad that after several years of church life, people have not cared about having someone instruct them in spiritual matters.
My wife and I have been lucky all our lives with confessors. Father Nikolai Golubtsov blessed her to have children, although she had hypertension since her youth, and the doctors unanimously said that she could not give birth, it was life-threatening. But three daughters were born to us, one might say, with the blessing of Father Nikolai.
The relationship between a child and a confessor usually lasts until the death of one of them. Father Nikolai died in 1963, after him our confessor was Father Vladimir Smirnov from the Church of Elijah the Ordinary, and after his death - Father Vasily Serebrennikov, a disciple of the elders, a perspicacious priest. He advised writing down your sins in a notebook every day. Without details, just “condemned, envied...”. We tried to follow his advice. He was ill, so they usually came to his home for confession and not very often, but you look at your notes and you don’t need to remember anything.
Father Vasily lived for almost 90 years and died in 1996. Then the recently deceased and I confessed to each other. He was a wonderful man, a talented artist, a good shepherd, ten years older than me, but with all due respect to him, I did not consider him my spiritual father. In the last months before his death, he was seriously ill and did not serve.
In the Church of St. John the Warrior on Yakimanka, where I now serve as a freelancer, there are many priests and there is always someone to confess to. I trust them, I feel that they treat their service responsibly, but so far I do not have a spiritual father. I hope that if, by God’s will, my life lasts (and I’m already 84), the Lord will send a confessor. And the Patriarch has a spiritual father, and other bishops - everyone who takes their spiritual life seriously is looking for a spiritual mentor.
- The priest probably really needs this - he has to admonish others.
This is necessary for everyone, because we are all sinners: “For there is no man who has not sinned”(2 Chron. 6, 36). You may not do anything bad, behave with dignity in society, be respected, but there are thoughts that you do not pay attention to, and it is not for nothing that in monasteries they repent of their thoughts.
Fighting thoughts
During the day, many different thoughts, obviously sinful, come to every person’s mind. It comes against our will - from the devil, who seeks to instill in us greed, envy, condemnation, irritation and other bad feelings. I try to drive away thoughts. Father Vasily generally recommended reading it constantly.
This short prayer - “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner” - includes our entire Orthodox confession, and all dogmatics are built on it. If you read it carefully, the Lord gradually cleanses your inner world. And if thoughts take possession of me, they pollute this world, and even if I don’t do anything bad to anyone, my polluted inner world affects those close to me, those with whom I communicate, and everyone around me. This is very important to understand - we are saved together. “Achieve a peaceful spirit and thousands around you will be saved,” said.
Purity of thoughts and correction of your inner world can be achieved if you follow the advice of the Apostle Paul: “Always rejoice. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks for everything"(1 Thess. 5, 16–18). There is no reason to be discouraged or fall into despair if Christ is with us. Therefore, I recommend everyone to read at least one chapter of the Gospel every day. This is even more important than observing the prayer rule, because the Gospel is a letter from Christ Himself; it is through the Gospel that we come into contact with Him.
Some people think that the main thing is to put candles in front of the icons and bow to the ground. And the main thing in Christianity is a person’s love for Christ, an encounter with Christ. The Lord appreciates personal appeal - everyone can find a free minute (for example, before going to bed) and tell Him what happened in his life today, what difficulties he encountered, ask for forgiveness and help, and the Lord will definitely respond. Maybe not right away, but it will respond. This is why I advise everyone to read a chapter from the Gospel every day.
Spiritual life requires guidance. A spiritual father is a priest who guides your spiritual life. He may be the simplest, most unprepossessing, have no special education, but if I trust him, it means that the Lord can tell me something very important through him.
Without obedience, relationships are meaningless.
How can a new parishioner understand that this priest can be trusted, that he is trying to understand God’s will for a person, and not impose his own on him?
Indeed, some impose their will in full confidence that the will of God has been revealed to them. A priest, having just been ordained, having neither experience nor knowledge, imagines himself as a spiritual leader. This is called young age - a painful, but very widespread phenomenon in the nineties. It is being eradicated, but gradually.
Whether you can trust a priest enough to ask him to be the leader of your spiritual life, only inner experience will tell you. This is difficult, especially for a person just starting church life, but there is no other way. It is impossible to approach such serious issues formally and I cannot give any general advice.
Priests themselves should probably not rush to become confessors. For example, I don’t think I’m worthy of being a spiritual father. There are parishioners who constantly confess to me - about 10-15 people, they are used to me - but when they ask me to become a spiritual father, I, as a rule, refuse. I am always ready to confess a person, console him, advise him something, but the child’s relationship with his spiritual father presupposes obedience.
If a priest agrees to be my spiritual father, I believe that he is not just advising me something humanly, but through him the Lord is advising me, and I must show obedience. Whether I will show it depends on my free choice, but if I obey the confessor, the Lord will give His gracious help, and if I do not listen to his advice, the confessor does not answer. But without obedience, such relationships are meaningless.
Some parishioners listen to my advice and try to follow it, and this always makes me happy, but formally I have never called myself anyone’s spiritual father. I don’t feel ready for such responsibility.
Is obedience only concerned with spiritual matters? Should a confessor give everyday advice: should he move to another job, where should he go on vacation?
An experienced confessor who knows his child well can treat his everyday problems with understanding. For example, conflicts arise at work, often people want to immediately slam the door and leave. And after this, changes are not always for the better. When a person acts of his own free will, he often regrets it later. And, conversely, if you don’t immediately give in to emotions and listen to the advice of another, everything will eventually return to normal.
I usually advise in such cases not to rush, to wait - time heals many things, including many conflicts that are resolved over time. Not only at work, but also in the family. It happens that a husband plays on the side - what should a wife do? The Church allows divorce in such cases, but if it is ready to endure and forgive, then family life can be restored and normalized. It won’t necessarily recover, but I know cases when I did. And divorce is always a tragedy.
Obedience - from the word “hearing”
In family life, by the way, obedience is also necessary - to each other. Moreover, one must not demand obedience from others, but show it oneself. Let's say your wife tells you something, but you don't agree. To object just to do it your own way is wrong to enter into conflict. You should always be able to listen.
Obedience - from the word “hearing”, it begins with the ability to listen to what another is saying. We don't like to be silent. Our friend taught us: “We all know how to speak well, but we don’t know how to listen to each other. So it’s very important to listen.” And in family life this is very important. A husband must be able to listen to his wife, a wife must be able to listen to her husband, and all issues must be resolved with reasoning. Your wife didn’t convince you - that’s okay, sometimes for the sake of peace it’s still better to agree with her. Peace in the family is more important than any of our ambitions.
The relationship with the confessor is different - here I show obedience, but the priest can give the correct advice, not from himself, but from God, only if he understands the person, and in order to understand, you need to listen carefully, attentively. Well, I, in turn, must listen to the words of my confessor in order to understand his advice.
Have there been times in your life when, after the advice of your confessor, it seemed to you that you were unable to show obedience, that it was too much for you?
No, I don’t remember this, but it happened that I fell into sin, from which I had difficulty freeing myself. For this I needed both time and the prayerful help of my spiritual father. The priests to whom I confessed my sins always prayed for me, I felt their spiritual support, thanks to which I was able to get out of that state and be freed from sin. It's a big deal - freedom from sin!
It can be difficult to cope with yourself. The most fierce enemy of spiritual life is my selfishness, pride, inability to make an effort on myself. People take different paths. One sin is overcome, it goes away, but something again arises in the soul. This requires a lot of attention, and the spiritual father can give advice, sometimes even with tears.
I remember when I confessed my youthful sins in childhood and adolescence, the priest cried. I think his name was Father Benjamin. I really approached him with fear and trembling, and he cried while listening to my confession. Cried for my sins. Everyone has their own path, sometimes very difficult, sometimes easier, but in any case you need to be able to make an effort on yourself. And we don’t like it when we have to go through narrow gates. “Seek first the Kingdom of God”(Matt. 6:33). It is within us.
Give thanks for every day you live
If the advice of your confessor is not clear, should you honestly tell him this and ask him to clarify, or is it better to take it on faith?
I think it's better to ask for clarification. Sometimes an explanation is enough, but sometimes it takes time for a person to understand advice that is not yet ready to accept.
A priest should not have arrogant arrogance over his parishioners. Yes, for example, he has more experience, like a professor, more knowledge than a student, but it is when this experience is presented modestly that you willy-nilly listen and understand that you have not yet matured enough to understand the advice, are not ready to implement it, because he is still inexperienced in spiritual life, immature. And when you understand, it’s easier to come to terms with it and still try to follow the advice.
Don't completely trust your heart. Of course, you need to listen to him, but while maintaining sobriety. “Be sober, be vigilant, for your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”- says the apostle (1 Pet. 8, 9). Dark forces also act through the human heart, which is why spiritual control is necessary.
How have parishioners changed over the 50 years of your priestly ministry? It is clear that compared to Soviet times there have been many more of them, but some priests say that today the majority come to church not with spiritual needs, but with psychological problems.
They come with different problems, but in any case you try to help the person think about the main thing. You talk to him about the meaning of life, that death is always behind us, and we must remember the hour of death. If we really always remembered death and our answer to God, we would stop sinning. But we don't remember. We are so consumed by concerns about our own well-being in earthly life that the main thing for which a person lives leaves our consciousness.
“In Your hands, Lord Jesus Christ, my God, I commend my spirit: You bless me, You have mercy on me and grant me eternal life. Amen",- we read before going to bed. "In Your hand, O Lord" because I don't know if I'll get up in the morning. The memory of this does not cancel the joy of life. You can rejoice, communicate with people, but remember at the same time that you don’t know how long you will live, and thank the Lord for every day you live.
I always advise people in the morning to ask the Lord for a day without sin, and at the end of the day to thank Him for everything, for the good and for the difficult. Usually people do this.
- In your pastoral practice, were there examples of such deep repentance that it strengthened you in your faith?
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh told me about such repentance. One priest, to whom he once confessed, drank a lot and suffered from an addiction to alcohol. “But in confession he cried not with drunken tears, but with tears about my sins,” said Metropolitan Anthony. He, of course, did not mention the name of this priest, but that confession shocked him more than ever, and he was an experienced confessor who had himself confessed to thousands of people. I have never accepted such a confession.
- You had to confess to those sentenced to death.
Yes, but almost 20 years have passed since then, the details have already faded from my mind. I only remember that these people sincerely repented. They expected to be executed, but soon a moratorium on the death penalty was introduced, and the execution was replaced by life imprisonment. Some people still write letters from Mordovia to my daughter and contact me with questions.
At first they all wanted freedom, but I was against it. They won’t be able to stand it here, they might slide down and do even worse than before. And there they have an established spiritual life, a priest comes. I don’t consider them my spiritual children, but I pray for them every day, and this is very important. Well, since they continue to write and ask questions, it means that they also have some kind of spiritual movement towards me.
- As I understand it, you think that a priest does not need to strive to become a confessor?
Yes, no need. I advise young priests first of all to find confessors for themselves. This is not a lesson, but advice from an older comrade. Without the experience of obedience, it seems to me that it will be difficult to instruct others in the spiritual life.
Interviewed by Leonid Vinogradov