The phrase “How to regain the trust of a loved one after a lie” is sometimes not even a question, but a cry for help. This is because trust is like a porcelain cup, which is very easy to break and often impossible to glue back together, and lying is the very action that breaks the cup into pieces.
Confidence- an important component of close and meaningful relationships, which represents the mutual confidence of people in each other’s decency, honesty, sincerity, conscientiousness and goodwill.
Exactly mutual trust and respect are the basis of long-lasting and strong friendships, love, partnerships, and family relationships. No person wants to be deceived or betrayed.
The smaller the deception and the less bitter it is for the deceived person, the easier it is to regain trust, but it will never be the same again! If the lie is too great, a break in the relationship cannot be avoided...
Many people are forced to adhere to the principle of “Trust, but verify,” not because they are suspicious and distrustful, but because they have negative life experiences.
All children, teenagers and many young people are trusting, open to the world and naive, but only for the time being. As a person grows and matures, faced with lies and deception, learns be careful, attentive, trust not blindly, but wisely, or not trust at all.
If there are too many lies and betrayals in life, some people withdraw into themselves for a while, and others for the rest of their lives, and lose trust in people and the world. Sometimes one very traumatic event associated with deception is enough to unlearn how to trust.
It's easy to trust when you're young. To trust in adulthood, you need courage And responsibility for your own well-being, if suddenly deception does occur.
Fear of being deceived interferes with life, there is a danger of becoming too suspicious and distrustful. But such is the nature of people - “Having been burned on milk, they blow on water.” Hence “all men are assholes” and similar crude, erroneous stereotypes.
However, without the ability to overcome fear and “dive headlong” into a new relationship, it is impossible to be happy! Fearing deception and lies, you can deprive yourself of the joy and fullness of life.
Distrust is tension and isolation, trust is lightness and freedom.
Basic trust and distrust in the world
Regardless of life experience, there are people who are more inclined to trust the world and who are generally distrustful. Some cannot forgive a minor offense, while others easily forgive even serious betrayal. How does this happen? Maybe trust is an innate quality?
In the middle of the last century, the American psychologist E. Erikson developed an excellent classification of human age-related crises. This classification is already a classic, but extremely popular.
According to Erikson, the very first stage of human development, from birth to 1 year of age, is marked critical conflict of “trust - mistrust in the world.” This conflict is most relevant in the first months, but is present throughout life.
"Can I trust the world?" - this is the very first unconscious question of a new person, which can become relevant in other periods of life.
If a child under the age of one year receives support, satisfaction of needs and love from his mother, he learns to trust and is formed basic trust in the world; if deprivation, inconsistency, lack of support and love are observed, a basic mistrust to the world.
Learn to trust– the task of developing not only the emerging personality of a new person, but also the life of individual relationships. They are born, live and die in the same way, the only difference is how long they live: a couple of weeks or as long as the person himself is alive.
The first thing people try to understand at the beginning of a relationship is whether they can trust each other. Everything else - sympathy, respect, intimacy, freedom of expression and so on - comes after. You won’t even want to start a conversation with a person who inspires mistrust.
To inspire trust, you need to accept a person for who he is and love him (in the broad sense of the word).
The trouble is that it is better not to trust a subject who does not trust. If he himself does not dare to trust, cannot be completely open, sincere and honest, there is a possibility that such a person admits the possibility of being deceived or will not miss the opportunity to deceive.
How to restore trust in a relationship
To be betrayed by the closest and most beloved person, the one to whom you open up in body and soul, is one of life’s most difficult tests.
Trust is the foundation of a happy relationship. When there is a small “crack” in the foundation, “repair” is possible, but if it is huge, the relationship collapses.
If you remember that the most common cause of divorce in our time is adultery, you can realize the value of trust.
Trust and fidelity in marriage are more important than love and passion!
It’s not for nothing that the words “trust” and “loyalty” have the same root. Trust in love is the ability not only to believe, but also to remain faithful.
Treason- This is a severe psychological trauma and a fatal mistake in a relationship. It is almost impossible to regain trust after betrayal, simply because it is impossible to forget about betrayal...
Of course, betrayal is not the only reason for mistrust between spouses; relationships are also destroyed by any other forms of betrayal and lies:
- jealousy,
- inconsistency between words and actions and vice versa;
- failure to keep promises;
- failure to comply with duties;
- hiding facts and so on.
Efforts, which must be attached, to regain trust beloved/favorite:
- Determine fact that caused mistrust (action or inaction, words or silence).
- Set the truth. This is very difficult to do, and not only because it is unlikely to be possible to look at the situation objectively, but also because most often both partners are to blame. After all, something in the behavior of your loved one prompted you to lie? However, be that as it may, if a lie was discovered, you will have to reveal it to the end and tell the honest truth. It is a big mistake to hide lies behind new lies.
- Give up the urge to blame your partner in what happened. If the goal is to “regain trust,” you will have to forget about selfishness and the desire to prove that you are right. It is important to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand that they are even worse off.
- Repent for what you have done. Whatever the reason for deception and betrayal, they cannot be justified. You need to realize your mistake.
- Sincerely, without making excuses ask for forgiveness for lying. Then talk about your desire to maintain the relationship, your feelings and attitude towards your partner.
- Don't put pressure on your partner. You should not expect that the offended loved one will immediately forgive and forget everything. You may have to come back and ask for forgiveness more than once. At the same time, there is a danger of anger and indignation: “I’m on my knees here, but they don’t want to forgive me, such a good person!” You need to be patient and forget about pride.
- Long time regain trust through actions. You need to understand that even if you manage to hear “I forgive you!” and it is unlikely that it will be possible to preserve the relationship, to restore trust once and for all and to the same level at which it was before the deception.
When trust is lost, words do not help; actions and deeds are needed that can restore it. You will have to periodically confirm and maintain your loved one’s confidence that he can trust. In fact, you have to build relationships again.
The same algorithm of actions will help people who want to regain the trust of a friend, partner, child, parent, or other close and significant person.
Self-Reflection Questions
It is extremely difficult to regain trust after a lie and is only possible if the partner who has lost trust wants it and if he sees the point in continuing such a relationship.
To prevent a lie from becoming fatal, both the deceiver and the deceived will have to understand themselves.
Questions to think about deceived:
- Will I be able to keep my word and not make such mistakes again?
- How do I feel about my partner?
- Why and why do I want to regain trust?
- What is partner trust? What caused it before?
- What actions could restore trust?
- Am I ready to work to regain trust?
Questions for deceived partner:
After the answers have been found and the emotions have more or less subsided, you need to make contact with your partner, start a conversation and turn it into a sincere but calm one. conversation heart-to-heart. You can also discuss questions for self-analysis, asking your partner to answer them.
Sincerity and honesty between partners will help sort out the relationship and gradually restore trust.
Do you often lie to your loved ones?
Like lightning flashed in my head among the black clouds, and thunder struck when I saw this question online - How to regain the trust of a loved one after a lie? I immediately knew that I really wanted to answer it. First a short answer, attention:
To regain the trust of your loved one after lying, never lie to him again.
To regain the trust of your loved one after lying, continue to lie to him.
But... but. Improve your lies, lie at a higher level.
Develop your abilities
In general, my qualified message is this: you don’t know how to regain the trust of a loved one after a lie, because you haven’t delved enough into the issue of trust as such. For one simple reason - you don’t need this trust. ()
What do you need? That's right - control. Since you lied so incredibly that you lost his trust, the issue of sincerity and openness is definitely not yours. I don’t want to say that there is no place to put a mark on you at all. I just think you're probably not mature enough yet. Someday the ecology of relationships will become so important to you that you will learn to trust. But not yet. You want to live two lives, maybe more. To get the most. Accept this - someday everything will change.
Why do you need trust?
Once again: you don’t think about how to regain the trust of your loved one after a lie, because you don’t need trust. You need not be afraid that as a result of this lie of yours and many other previous and future lies, he will stupidly leave you. He will leave your personal territory, leaving an emptiness, and this emptiness will be filled with regrets, pain, and a feeling of defeat.
No! If someone leaves someone, then it’s not he who leaves you, but you who leaves him. That's why you won't let him go now. You will regain his trust, because trust kept him close to you!.. That is, you thought so. But guess what? Lies can be cunning and clever, but this is not about you. Because you have lies paired with fear. And such a set always includes stupidity. By the way, this is why you shouldn’t lie. Remember well: those who are afraid must always tell the truth. There is power in truth, have you heard? And lying is a pathetic weakness.
***
Okay, let's digress for a minute. Let's relax. Let's think about the fact that places and people are good not only because of how they look, but also because of how one looks from them. Have you looked at the world through the eyes of a loved one?
View from the town of Sidi Bou Said in Tunisia. The photograph is a perfect example of a lie that only builds trust. For example, this photo was taken on a bright sunny day. Okay, let's continue. Either means, never lie, or wise up. Let's do this right now.
Wise up
So, to become smarter, you need to learn to recognize nuances. Here, for example, is such a nuance. Let's say you can't help but lie - which leads to a loss of trust on the part of your partner, and subsequently, control over this partner on your part. This is the original data.
First, you need to understand that distrust holds relationships stronger than trust - since a person holds on to a deceitful partner with torn, exposed nerves. It is very binding, that is, when someone hurts us. there is a difference. So don't worry that he doesn't trust you. His desire will not disappear because of this. And if it disappears, it will be from something else; let’s not be distracted now.
The second point is this: you need to learn to distinguish between levels of communication. This, in general, is the main thing to not only understand how to regain the trust of a loved one after a lie, but, in principle, to eliminate situations when you need to “return” something. So, do the following, and this will be my main, real recommendation.
How to take control of trust
Sincerely, openly, trustingly tell your loved one that you are an insincere, closed-minded, lying piece of trash. Share this important information with him, emphasizing that only his exceptional influence on you wrested this painful confession from your vicious insides. Say that this is beyond you, that you wanted to improve a thousand times, but clearly understood that this was impossible. Even for him, although it seems to you that he can do anything, you love him too much to torment him like that. And ask him to leave you immediately, so as not to prolong the suffering, so that no one will be hurt. And, in short, then everything goes like that.
How it works
Since you and I are just at the beginning of your Sheo journey, and you are not too smart yet, I will explain the endless power of influence of this recommendation. It is in the so-called double bind. The contradiction between form (complete, naked sincerity) and content (admission to deceit) will create an electromagnetic field that will hold your partner better than a steel collar. And thus the question of how to regain the trust of a loved one after a lie will be resolved - with a new, high-quality, high-level lie.
***
P.S. Of course, responsibility for all consequences of my recommendations falls entirely on you. Advice without personal acquaintance and diagnosis is nothing more than fiction. I tell you this completely sincerely.
Good relationships between a man and a woman are built only on mutual understanding, trust and love. The absence of at least one of these components leads to constant strife, quarrels and disagreements. Under such circumstances, is it possible to hope, if not for a happy, then at least for the prosperous coexistence of two? Hardly. They develop especially often if trust disappears in a relationship. Even people who love each other, if they lose it on at least one side, can not only regularly quarrel, but also break up forever. What if this happened? How to regain the trust of a loved one and is it possible to regain it?
Reasons for the loss of trust of a loved one
Trust is a delicate substance. Sometimes a person even has to accidentally commit some rash act - and it has already evaporated. It’s unfortunate, but almost all couples face situations that call trust into question. The reasons for his loss are varied. Most often this is:
- treason;
- the contradiction between a person’s words and actions;
- deception;
- failure to keep promises;
- excessive jealousy of one of the partners;
- discrepancy between expectations from relationships and reality;
- the unattainability of the goals that the partner sets for himself.
Of course, many other things lead to loss of trust. It happens that it doesn’t exist at all in the first place. One way or another - what's the difference? The main thing here is the threat of separation from your loved one due to the fact that he does not believe. Whether there is a reason for this or not, you still begin to experience a feeling of guilt, which transforms into either humility or irritation. And all the time you are tormented by the question - how to gain the trust of your loved one so that the relationship finally improves?
Lost trust can cause a final break between a man and a woman. Or maybe it won’t happen if you try to return it. Frankly speaking, this is difficult and sometimes impossible to do. But you have to try anyway. Of course, there is an option to proudly leave by slamming the door. They say, if you don’t believe it, there’s no need. What then? Longing, pain, hopelessness and regret that bridges have been burned? Not the best way out of a situation that often has many chances to change for the better. What needs to be done for this?
How can you regain trust?
We have already said that loss of trust from a loved one occurs for various reasons. And in order to return it, you need to act based on the specific reason for what happened. But at the same time, always adhere to the basic rule - do not lie even in small things and think about every word and action. If a person does not believe us, he will reflexively seek confirmation of his suspicions. The most innocent actions and meaningless phrases can become such confirmation. Therefore, to regain the trust of the one you love, you will need constant control over yourself.
Before making any attempts to restore it, we should think about whether we are ready to earn this trust long and hard. If it disappeared due to some kind of lie, you will have to completely abandon deception even in small things. It must be said that all people deceive each other in some way. And they hide something from others, including those closest to them. Therefore, somewhere deep down in our souls, we are all ready to forgive a lie if it does not cause significant damage to internal and external well-being. But for this it is necessary that the one who is no longer trusted becomes extremely honest and open. The slightest lie in such a situation can become fatal.
If the trust of a loved one is lost due to failure to keep promises, in order to get it back, you just need to stop reassuring your partner about anything. And try to at least partially realize what has already been promised. It happens that we take on obligations in the belief that we will certainly fulfill them. But circumstances do not allow this. In this case, you need to explain to the person why this happened. If he truly loves, he will understand. But he won’t understand... This means that the reciprocity of feelings is in question. Well, if we promised something without thinking at all about the possibility of its implementation, we should directly tell our partner about it. He will certainly appreciate such sincerity and will stop suspecting us of hypocrisy and pretense.
There are couples in which one partner does not trust the other because of his hypertrophied jealousy. This is a severe case of mistrust, for which, as a rule, no reason is needed. Life with such jealous people is not a happy life, and it would be better to try to stay away from them altogether. But you can’t order your heart! And if you have managed to fall in love with Othello, you will have to give up close contacts with other men, be they friends, colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances. And at the same time, tell your partner about everything that happened in his absence and constantly talk about your love for him. He must always know where and with whom we are and what we are going to do. Don't like having to account for everything? It's nothing you can do. There is no other option for dealing with a jealous loved one.
And finally, the most difficult case of losing the trust of a loved one is betrayal. We will talk about it separately.
How to regain the trust of a loved one after betrayal
When you meet a loved one, the whole world becomes focused on him. And I believe that it will always be this way. And no one else will take the place of the one you love, not for a minute. However, our life is full of unforeseen turns and unexpected temptations. And one day it may happen that temptation provokes betrayal, which you sincerely regret later. The man, having learned about what happened, becomes furious, experiencing pain, jealousy, bitterness, and disappointment at the same time. His faith in the woman’s sincerity is destroyed, and his dreams of a further relationship with her have crumbled to dust.
How can you regain your partner’s trust if parting with him is like death? The experiences of men who have been betrayed are similar in their strength and uncontrollability to a tornado that sweeps away everything in its path. They do not want to listen to explanations, do not pay attention to the tears of the cheater, do not accept her requests for forgiveness and do not believe in the genuineness of repentance. The relationship is on the verge of collapse. How can we save them and is it possible?
In general, the stronger sex perceives and experiences betrayal more acutely than the weaker sex. The ability to forgive is inherent in the feminine essence. In addition, we are all subconsciously ready for the betrayal of a loved one, although we do not allow it in our thoughts. And when this happens, we tear and sword in rage, we choke in pain, weep and scream, but in the end, most often we forgive and do not allow a complete break in the relationship. If, of course, we see, this stupid walker to the left really regrets what happened.
For men, everything is much more difficult. For them, a woman’s infidelity is not only the collapse of their own, so carefully built world, but also a loss of confidence in their male viability. After all, if a loved one gives herself to someone else, it turns out that she is not satisfied with her intimate life! And she said that she was devoted both in soul and body... And besides, what right did a stranger have to use what does not belong to him?! Just the thought of this makes a man furious. If he is sincerely attached to a woman.
“Sincerely attached” is what you need to rely on when trying to regain the trust of your loved one after betrayal. Yes, a hurricane of emotions is raging in him and his consciousness is deafened by jealousy. But in the very depths of the soul there is still a spark of feelings, which there is hope to turn into a fire. Of course, this is a very, very difficult task. Her decision depends on how correctly the woman behaves. The main thing for her is to avoid mistakes that lead to a final break or further unfavorable change in the relationship. What are these errors?
Firstly, under no circumstances should you fall at a man’s feet, begging for forgiveness and assuring that life will end without him. Crawling on your knees and looking pitiful will not only not give the desired effect - they can cause a wave of disgust in your loved one. In addition, our stronger halves for the most part consider such a technique to be theatrical and begin to suspect the woman of duplicity. Needless to say, it has a destructive effect on trust? Therefore, it is necessary to control yourself while maintaining your dignity. Such behavior under any circumstances commands respect. And this is already a good help for maintaining relationships.
Secondly, it is unacceptable to throw tantrums and lose your temper. In such a state, it is easy to lash out at blaming your partner for what happened. A man who is already offended - there is nowhere else to go - will instantly decide that he is no longer on the road with the traitor. Not only did she betray, but she also believes that this is natural! This means she is ready to repeat her act and is capable of stabbing a knife in the back at any moment. What kind of trust are we talking about here? Therefore, when trying to achieve forgiveness, you need to be restrained, friendly and delicate. It is likely that what happened was indeed the partner’s fault. But at the moment this fact is not subject to discussion.
Thirdly, you should not give in to a man’s persuasion to tell about the betrayal in full detail. Of course, we need to talk about it, but without clarification and outlining the details. A detailed debriefing is not for such a case. It will only cause additional irritation and aggravate emotions even more. In addition, colorful pictures of what happened will be created in the mind of the loved one, which will appear before his eyes all the time and, as a result, will destroy the relationship. It’s better that he doesn’t be aware of the nuances of betrayal. It is enough to describe it once in a few words and then never return to it again.
Fourthly, you cannot call on other people to help resolve the conflict. If parents, friends, girlfriends begin to put pressure on a man in a crowd, most likely he will simply disappear, unable to withstand the pressure from the outside. In addition, outside interference will most likely lead to a loss of control over the situation. You never know what they will tell their loved one, trying to calm him down, even those who, in principle, only want the best? Well, it’s not worth mentioning what the false girlfriends will say. Not only will they talk, but they will also spread gossip around the world.
And finally, if you have children together, you don’t need to ask the man to save the relationship for their sake. Then he may well decide that his wife is not only a frivolous galloping, but also an insidious bitch. And preserving a family for the sake of children is a slippery issue. It’s as if he immediately gives the man permission to cheat. They say that I will remain in the house as a father. As for the rest, dear, don’t blame me...
In general, in order to regain the trust of your loved one, you must insist that the betrayal was a big mistake and brought nothing but disappointment. You should not demand quick understanding and forgiveness from a man. Let time pass, he will come to his senses and be able to take a more or less reasonable approach to what happened. This period can be long, but you need to survive it, setting yourself the goal of regaining the trust of someone you care about. At the same time, there is no need to constantly replay what happened in your head, cultivating and growing a feeling of guilt. It will provoke ingratiating behavior, which will cause nothing but contempt. It is necessary to behave with dignity, patiently earning trust and trying to achieve mutual understanding and complete forgiveness.
Four important steps. How to restore trust in a relationship?
Hello, dear readers of the blog site! Marriage and relationships between husband and wife - that’s what we’ll talk about today. All families go through an unpleasant period of crises. These crises come across the path of any family, without exception. The most ordinary road, when you walk along it, is not always smooth.
It has potholes and potholes, muddy puddles or cracked earth around the edges. If you are prepared for the fact that you will definitely encounter a bad section on this road, for example, around a bend, it will be easier for you.
This happens in family life too. It's stupid to imagine that nothing bad will ever happen between you and your loved one.
Harmony in the family can be disrupted due to accumulated mutual grievances, financial issues and various everyday problems.
Some families fall apart, and both people who once loved each other go through life alone, and then find new partners. Because they were unable to overcome a serious period of crisis.
But again after a while they fall into the hole that arises in relationships.
So what should we do? Run away from problems again and step on the same rake?
Running away is the easiest way to resolve a conflict. But life doesn’t forgive anything, no matter how much you run after happiness, you won’t catch up with it. You need to learn to be a happy person today, not tomorrow or in a year. Tomorrow may not come at all.
You can’t think about the past, going over the moments when you felt so good and calm.
You can’t bring back the past, especially since a person’s memory is designed in such a way that it only puts in the good, and for some reason forgets the bad.
When tensions arise between spouses, there is no need to hush them up. Learn to talk to each other, and do it correctly, and not in a raised voice, making claims and criticizing your spouse.
When a conflict arises, it is necessary to get out of it correctly. Let's start by just talking.
The first conversation you have is very important. You can read about this in the article “How to get out of a hole in a relationship.”
Do not forget that it is the woman who creates the psychological climate in the family, so before talking to her husband and “fixing things,” she must understand herself and prepare well for such a conversation.
The main thing is to melt the first ice between you, because when the relationship cools, an invisible wall appears. It separates spouses and gradually deprives them of spiritual and emotional intimacy. Therefore, you will have to learn to trust each other again, to start all over again. But this is good, although it is difficult.
The stereotypes that you have formed will have to be taken and broken, then the invisible wall will fall to pieces, and you will again see your loved one the way you understood and perceived him during a romantic relationship.
After the first conversation, you will have to have another one, and then you will have to talk again.
Why do all this if it’s easier to express all the complaints at once and forget about the troubles?
The point lies in the psychology of relationships. For example, a man quickly forgets everything. But a woman cannot forget, she will turn it around in her head, think about it, remembering the moment when her husband offended her when he said something unpleasant or criticized her ability to cook or dress.
Every woman wants to be beautiful, otherwise she has no interest in living. And if her husband foolishly told her five years ago that she was no longer as good-looking as she was before the wedding, that she had grown fat and ugly, the wife will never forget this statement.
And the resentment towards your man will remain somewhere deep in your heart. These women are gentle and sensitive creatures, what can you do!
The husband has long forgotten about what he did, but his wife no, no, and she will remember how he spoke to her and will cry. And after this, she begins to form a completely different attitude towards her husband, which he is not even aware of. And this is the simplest example.
What if the husband was caught in some unseemly act, after which his wife remained suspicious?
There are different thoughts spinning in a woman’s head, sometimes they rush at the speed of a hurricane, as a result of which emotions overwhelm her and do not allow her to think rationally. But she can only tell her friends about her thoughts.
And the husband doesn’t understand why they stopped telling him that they love him, and they are no longer happy when he returns home after work.
The man realizes that no one needs him, they simply don’t love him.
This happens because he perceives love completely differently than a woman does.
Now imagine that these two people, who adored each other before marriage, have accumulated all these grievances and remain silent. Not a month or even a year, but several years. The woman tries to defend herself, builds a psychological wall around herself, turning into an ice statue. And her heart becomes stony towards the person who offends her.
The husband also isolates himself from his wife, because warmth no longer emanates from her, and withdraws into himself. He surrounds himself with, as it were, huge boulders, building a kind of cave (psychological, of course).
As a result, two people live nearby in the same living space, lonely and close at the same time.
If they have already realized that they are in a deep hole, that they must definitely get out of there and do it together, then they will sit next to each other and have a heart-to-heart talk. This conversation will be completely different from the conversations they have had lately. There will be no intense glances, caustic words or harsh tone.
It's very good if you both can sit next to each other, look into each other's eyes and hold hands. This is only the first, difficult, but very important step on the path to love. For the sake of this wonderful feeling, people do incredible things.
After the first conversation, some time should pass. You will need to think and weigh everything. Love will definitely return if you both want it. If one dreams of returning to the previous relationship, and the other does not, then it is unlikely that you will be able to save the family.
If your relationship has deteriorated due to quarrels over trifles, constant conflicts and various problems, begin to restore your relationship.
Get ready for the next conversation. After a heart-to-heart conversation, all the grievances will begin to emerge in your memory. There's nothing wrong with that, just write them down on a piece of paper. You remember something else, write it down again.
This will have to be done by both the husband and wife separately. And then, when you are both ready, sit down next to each other and start expressing these grievances. In a calm tone, without complaints or offensive words, of course.
And this will be the second step that you will have to take.
You carefully hid all the unpleasant moments that happened during your family life in your memory, just as you hide things in closets. These facts that once upset you lie and gather dust on the shelves in the closet of your memory.
If only you could pull them out earlier, at the very moment when you were offended... Well, why keep them so carefully? You could just throw them in the trash and forget about them. But you didn’t do this, and your memory retained everything.
Both the wife and the husband accumulate grievances. Therefore, you will have to listen to each other together and figure everything out.
Women tend to be patient and silent by nature. Not always, of course, and not everyone will express their complaints; it depends on your character. For example, a sanguine person and a choleric person will immediately explode and start shouting hurtful words or crying loudly. But the melancholic and phlegmatic will take water into their mouths and say nothing, so as not to provoke conflicts in the relationship.
How to react if you had no idea that you had once offended your loved one with your words or actions?
Of course, apologize, there’s no way to do without it. And then you can forget about everything and not remember.
A list of mutual claims will definitely help you improve relationships and overcome the crisis. What kind of list is this? This is a list of qualities and actions, it must be written separately from each other.
And this is already the third step on the path of your happiness.
The husband should retire and write on paper what he likes about his wife and what he absolutely does not like. There are moments that are not just important for him, but simply necessary. But the wife doesn’t even know about it, and the husband is afraid to talk about it.
This is due to different understandings of the manifestation of love.
As an example, the following can be given. When the husband comes home from work, his wife is always in the kitchen, which is understandable. She doesn't even have a minute to sit next to her husband. A huge number of things fall on her head in the evening, and she doesn’t know how to redo them all.
And the husband dreams of his wife just sitting next to him. Give him time, at least five minutes, and he will be happy about it.
A wife may dream for many years that her husband would hug her, as he did before, before the wedding. Because she gets a feeling of closeness, warmth and trust from moments like these. She does not receive warmth, and thinks that her husband has lost interest in her. Although this does not even occur to him, he simply does not realize it.
Once each spouse has written their wishes on paper, it is time to discuss it all. At this moment, amazing discoveries can await you, pleasant on the one hand, and not so much on the other.
This is already the fourth step that you will take towards each other.
The wife has no idea what exactly her husband may not like, and he could not even think that some little thing is so important for his wife. For example, words of gratitude for her daily work in the kitchen. For some reason, men think that housework is fun, and not a hard and tedious duty for which no one will pay, as happens at work.
Sometimes family relationships have become so bad that even despite such a heart-to-heart talk, the spouses have nothing to talk about later. Sudden discoveries seem to fetter them, there is no naturalness, tension arises. In addition, everyone thinks about what they have learned about themselves, and at the same time is very worried.
In this case, you need to find one topic that is close to both. Children, vacations, parents - at least talk about this, but don’t play the silent game.
Women are very sensitive. If emotions overwhelm you, start to understand yourself. The best thing to do is write down what worries you, and then work out with your husband how to deal with it.
Negative thoughts can rob you of the joy of life, and a woman will begin to think that the only way out of this situation is to find another man.
Take your time with this, if you still have at least a spark of love for your spouse, start thinking about the good, not the bad, development of events.
We must learn to do everything together, as it was before. For example, take a walk in the fresh air or go on vacation.
A woman often begins to consult with her friends, which is not always correct. Because these friends may have different goals, giving advice based on their own experience. And these goals will not always be aimed at your benefit.
In the next article, read about hints and guesses