Self-confidence largely determines our lives. While one is gnawed by doubts, the other simply takes it and does it. Yes, of course, there is sometimes a certain danger hidden in this: thoughtless actions often do more harm than good. However, a determined person will not give up and will just as energetically begin to correct his mistakes, so his chances of success are always much higher.
Developing self-confidence should be a priority for each of us. But this especially applies, of course, to guys. A comfortable life, a specific approach to education at school and at home, a minimum of responsibility - all this does not contribute to the formation of a decisive and courageous character.
Unfortunately, women solve the problem of how to become self-confident much easier and more effectively. If a woman understands that she has no one to rely on, and she has a child in her arms who needs to be fed and clothed, she willy-nilly throws away her complexes and dives into the abyss of life. A man can afford to hesitate for a long time before making a decision. If no one depends on him, then he is quite capable of satisfying minimal needs without risk, labor or passion. But if you have reached a certain point and are thinking about how to become a confident man, you will need to radically restructure your thinking and change your priorities.
Why might you feel indecisive?
Indecision occurs when a person has a choice. To look for a new job or not to look? To go for an interview or not to go? Should I approach this girl or not? her goodbye or just leave? It would seem that nothing could be simpler: choose the option that will allow you to develop. Look for a new high-paying job, show off your worth at interviews, meet girls and seduce them! Forward or life will pass you by!
It is difficult to argue with such arguments. It would seem that you just need to follow common sense, but an insecure guy suddenly reveals a thousand excuses, because of which decisive actions in the right direction suddenly seem like a mistake. Why is this happening? It's simple: mastering something new takes us out of our comfort zone. We understand that we may encounter difficulties that we have not yet learned to overcome. And this uncertainty seems much worse than the real troubles that sometimes await a person in the employer’s reception area or next to the beauty he likes. And as long as the fear of the unknown lives in your soul, it is useless to look for recipes that tell you how to become a confident man.
Confidence and fear are two mutually exclusive qualities. The fear that arises when trying to do something is your worst enemy. Even if you know perfectly well what to do and say in a particular situation, if the slightest doubt arises, your hand will tremble, and some stupidity will come out of your mouth - that’s all. The matter is screwed up.
How to get rid of fear?
There are two ways to overcome fear. Firstly, you can make a rule for yourself: as soon as you feel that you are timid, be sure to do what you are afraid of. It doesn’t matter what the result will be, the main thing is to overcome the discomfort that arises in such situations. Do not give yourself any concessions in this regard and do not accept self-justifications. If you're scared, then act!
Secondly, you can think about the reasons for fear. The problem of how a man can develop self-confidence usually arises with low self-esteem and increased pride. Self-love does not allow a person to take actions that may be ineffective and will cause ridicule and contempt from others. For a person for whom the opinions of other people are very important, this is difficult to bear. In addition, such behavior does not allow internal self-esteem to grow - there is simply no reason for this. To form a habit of success, you need victories and the approval of loved ones; without them, the struggle for a place in the sun will be more fierce.
When a person understands that there is nothing fatal for him in any failure, he reacts more easily to refusals, and accordingly, makes important decisions more easily and acts more prudently and calmly. And you can’t do this without practice; It’s not enough to understand how a man can develop self-confidence; you need to develop your own skills so that this knowledge becomes yours.
Ambition and leadership qualities
A confident man usually makes ambitious plans and uses other people to achieve his goals. But the problem can be approached from the other end. You can start strategically planning your life; When you see a big picture, you inevitably have to think about how to involve those around you in solving the problems you have set.
The essence of this method is this: every decision you make should lead to a global goal designed to radically change your life for the better. But planning must be supported by practical steps. In this case, you will not be able to stop there - you will constantly have to move forward.
Perhaps not all your efforts will be effective, but it is important to carry them out and not fruitlessly dream. And in this case, it doesn’t matter what became the subject of your dreams: a girl or a position as a top manager of a large corporation. If you are faced with the problem that your desires do not correspond to your capabilities, you cannot be weak-hearted and give up on your dreams. You should consistently translate it into reality, day after day solving small tasks that will ultimately lead you to your goal.
Confidence in your abilities is often undermined by those around you, persuading you to engage in simpler and less labor-intensive activities. You must understand that in this case they are projecting their fate onto you, subconsciously wanting you not to escape from the swamp in which they live. Not a single successful person will tell you: stop doing stupid things, go work in a factory. He will certainly encourage you, because he knows that everyone has a chance, it is only important to use it correctly.
Self-confidence is the engine that takes you to the top, and you need to fuel this confidence with small achievements. In addition, you cannot strive to get everything at once; this only happens in fairy tales. It is the impossibility of instant fulfillment of desires that undermines self-confidence among many people. You must distribute your efforts so that they, like a ladder, lead you to this goal. But this will require a clear understanding of what exactly you need from life and what means you have for this.
Many of us, myself included, have wondered about confidence in life and advancement.
Everyone has had moments in life when they didn't have the courage to take a step towards something. And then there was some disappointment and resentment towards myself that I couldn’t do something, that it didn’t work out.
When you want something, but you are afraid to do it, this is exactly the case when you lack self-confidence.
So what does self-confidence depend on? Why do some guys do whatever they want, and lightly? They are not shy about anything. Others, on the contrary, doubt everything and are afraid of everything. And the latter are the majority.
Self-confidence is gained when a person is in complete harmony with himself. He has a minimum of complexes and fears. And complexes, pressures and fears appear in childhood, when parents do not raise the child quite correctly. They give him false life guidelines. For example: you won’t succeed; it is very difficult to do; rich people do not earn money honestly; and so on.
What can you do to gain more confidence in life? There are several options, and they are all good in their own way.
Meditations. Enlightenment
There are several Eastern methods that help a person cleanse himself both of the negative husks of the past years and of complexes that originate from childhood. All meditation techniques help prepare for a brighter and richer life. They allow you to boldly try something new. For example, I like satori. What it is can be found in Google or Yandex.
Leaving your comfort zone
Getting out of your usual state of comfort should be methodical, and done every day. What is a comfort zone? This is when you do the same familiar things day after day that don’t cause you any special emotions or inconvenience. If you don’t change anything in life, then it won’t change, right?
You can start with little things. For example, go for a run early in the morning and then take a cold shower. If you do this every day, then within two weeks you will be amazed at how much more energy, strength and vigor you have. This directly affects the quality of life.
Now you thought, this is a good thing, but when the alarm clock rings in the morning, it’s incredibly difficult to force yourself not only to get up early, but also to go for a run. And the weather may not be very good... This is what is called leaving your comfort zone.
Increased number of communications
This means you open communication with people on your own initiative. This includes additional search for clients and communication with new people at work. If you are invited to give a presentation somewhere, but you have the opportunity to refuse, do not refuse. This is a great experience to expand your boundaries and build confidence. The more such situations you find yourself in, the better for you. You will become more sociable.
And it’s okay that at first you may feel awkward, or something won’t work out for you. That's the whole point. That you step over yourself and repeatedly repeat a situation that is uncomfortable for yourself, transferring the same situation into your comfort zone.
Initiative
Try to take as much initiative as possible in various matters. This will have the most favorable effect on your responsibility, ability to resolve difficult situations and, ultimately, leadership.
Again, you can give someone the right to deal with all the difficulties and problems, while you yourself remain on the sidelines. But you can do better for the person who will do it. After all, it is he who will upgrade through life, not you.
As you can see, everything is actually not very difficult to understand. The most difficult thing. And only you can force yourself to do this. It is not beneficial for other people for you to become strong, successful and rich, and they will consciously or subconsciously slow you down. Sowing doubts in you.
But you shouldn't give in to this. If you are already reading this article, then you are on the right track. Follow these tips. Set yourself a goal in life. Write down what you need to do for this. Set a time frame. And take action. Keep your word to yourself. Learn to control your life yourself. After all, this is the secret of success!
American psychologist Andrew Salter mentions six qualities of confident people:
1. Open expression of your feelings and spontaneity in communication.
2. Correspondence between verbal and non-verbal expressions of feelings.
3. Believe in yourself, the ability to defend your own opinions and desires.
4. Willingness to take responsibility and speak on one’s own behalf, using the pronoun “I” instead of “we”, without trying to hide behind a façade of vague and cloudy formulations.
5. The ability to accept compliments and praise, as well as the courage to compliment others.
6. The ability to accept yourself as you are. By judging and denying some of your traits, you cause yourself discomfort and close yourself off from others.
However, this is the opinion of professional psychologists.What do women, the most sensitive connoisseurs of male charm, say about this?
What kind of confident man is he, from the point of view of women?
To be self-confident, according to the fair sex, means:
1. Be brave.
2. Have a strong position in life.
3. Be decisive and responsible regardless of the circumstances.
4. Be able to accept a woman as she is: without belittling her abilities, intelligence and beauty.
5. Be independent.
6. Be noble externally and internally.
7. Don't be afraid of emotions.
8. Be sociable.
9. Be able to maintain optimism and instill it in the woman you love.
10. Take care of her and their relationship. A woman always strives for a feeling of security, which means a confident man is the one who can protect her from the whole world. Someone with whom she can feel like she’s behind a stone wall.
Self-confidence adorns any person, and a man in particular.
What do men think about self-confidence? How to behave in society to be accepted and confident?
It's no secret that many people experience a feeling of self-doubt that prevents them from living a full life. Due to uncertainty, they are afraid to communicate in an unfamiliar company, afraid to change jobs (although it’s time) because of joining a new team, afraid to make new acquaintances, and much more. But there is a way out of every situation and this is no exception. Of course, this feeling will not go away so easily. To get rid of feelings of insecurity, you need to make an effort.
There are 10 simple rules that will help you get rid of self-doubt, from the point of view of men.
1) When you leave the house in the morning, you should look your best. To do this, don’t be lazy, get up early and get yourself in order without haste. At lunchtime, look at yourself in the mirror to make sure you still look as beautiful as you did in the morning and before bed. This rule will help you not to constantly think about how you look now.
2) There is no need to constantly think about your shortcomings. Everyone has them. The people around you practically do not see them, and they simply do not notice some shortcomings. So the less you think about them, the better you will feel.
3) Know that the people who surround you do not notice at all the things that are so obvious to you. So, for example, when you are in a company, you feel that your face is just burning, it is “red”, but in fact it is only a little pink. It follows from this that until you yourself attract the attention of others to what confuses you so much, no one will even guess about it.
4) Well, you need to be critical of others. If you constantly think to yourself about the shortcomings of the people around you and this has already become a habit, then you should get rid of it as quickly as possible. Otherwise, you will begin to think that both your appearance and clothes are also an excellent target for criticism. And this certainly does not give confidence.
5) Any person loves to be listened to. Therefore, in order to please others, you don’t need to throw around a lot of meaningless remarks, in which you can simply get confused as a result. You just need to become an attentive listener. They will just start to adore you.
6) Sincerity. You just need to be sincere. If you don’t know the name of the item or dish in question, then admit it. If you are impressed by another person's story, tell him about it. But if you remain steadfast, without any signs, then this will only push people away from you.
7) Find someone who also experiences insecurity. This will help both of you. You will stop feeling lonely. Don't be afraid to approach the person you choose yourself. You will only benefit from this.
8) You should not get rid of feelings of insecurity with the help of alcohol. This is not an option. If you become relaxed and charming when drunk, then when you are sober, you are even more pleasant to others.
9) No need to be shy. Your shyness can turn into aggression. For example, if someone started talking to you rudely, then don’t blame yourself for it. This could be caused by a feeling of embarrassment, because this is exactly what some people do to combat this feeling. Never resort to this method.
10) Know that the worst thing that can happen to you is that you show yourself in a bad light. If this happened, then all the same, the people around you will feel sympathy for you, because they felt superior to you.
Based on materials from the sites: www.mujskoi.ru/psih
www.gq.ru/
www. menalmanah.narod.ru/
” will answer exactly this question today. All people are different from each other. There are probably no two people who are completely alike. Some are in charge, and some sweep the streets. The first one is quite confident in himself and can afford a lot in life. He has a lot of money, acquaintances, connections and other blessings of life. And the second one is not going to change anything, but is happy with what he has. The main difference between these two people is the different expression of their “I”. When a person is confident in himself, he can do a lot. Even if at the moment he has not yet reached the golden mountains, then with his confidence, behavior and qualities of a self-confident person, a man can achieve a lot.
Confident man always knows what he wants. He controls every area of his life, be it money or even Love. People are not born confident, they are made that way. Where does it come from??
Confident man is a person who believes in himself. He knows what he wants and how to achieve it. Just don’t confuse self-confidence with the concept of self-confidence. The second concept cannot be called a 100 percent positive quality. Often self-confidence gives rise to pride in a person. Such a person considers himself a confident person without any reason. This man is just overconfident for no reason.
How to become a confident person ?
1. Remember your achievements. After achieving a goal or even a small thing in life, a person often immediately forgets about it. It's time for you to remember everything. Take a pen, a piece of paper and write down everything you have achieved in your life, from birth to today. You helped a stranger, bought a car, gave a gift to a loved one, closed the session well. Remember everything and write it down on paper. With each point, your self-confidence will become higher and higher.
2. Fight your fears. Each person has his own little fears, which it is customary not to tell others about. You need to fight these fears and do things that may lead to this fear. If you close your eyes to them, they will be your companion for the rest of your life. If you're afraid of heights, stand high and look straight down while holding the handrails tightly. If you are afraid to speak when there are a lot of people around, afraid that everyone will pay attention to you, then go ahead and do it. Nothing ever works out perfectly the first time, but every time the fear will disappear, and after a while there will be no trace of it left.
3. Be confident in your appearance. Answering the question how to become more confident, we must not forget about our appearance. I already wrote about this in yesterday's article. But I’ll repeat myself a little. You should always be confident in your appearance when you leave the house. Keep your shoes clean and your clothes tidy. Try to wear classic clothes to important events. Don't forget about your posture, keep your back straight and your head level. Give your friends a smile. If you follow all these rules, then if you look at you externally, you will begin to radiate self-confidence to everyone around you.
4. Don't compare yourself to anyone. In an article about complexes, which I wrote recently on my blog, I gave a detailed description of this point, p.e. I won’t dwell on this here. But don't miss this moment, it's very important.
5. Forget failures. Everything in life is never smooth. There is a white stripe, and there is a black stripe. As I already said, you need to remember all your successes and achievements and be proud of it. But what to do with failures? Nothing. You just need to forget them and try to erase them from your memory. Learn to benefit from failures. As the saying goes: what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
6. Think about those with whom you communicate. If you are surrounded by confident people, then this confidence will be transferred to you. But there is another category of people. They are always whining and complaining about something. This bad quality can be automatically transmitted to other people. Try not to pay attention to such people. Each person creates his own destiny. They will have it like this and they will be forever dissatisfied with it. You shouldn't be like that. Weed out people who destroy your self-confidence and drag you down with their endless whining.
7. Know how to say the word “no”. Always try to be in the conversations of the team. Know how to listen to others, and most importantly, express your point of view. If you are asked for something that is contrary to your interests, say the word “no”. Not everyone succeeds in this right away; many are afraid of people’s opinions about what they might think if I refuse. But, having learned to stand firmly on your own, relying on your interests, you will become much more confident in yourself.
8. Set goals and achieve them. For many people, life follows the same scenario. Home, work, home, work. And free time, lying on the couch in front of the TV. Instead, try to find some hobby for yourself: play football, go fishing, exercise muscles, create websites or anything else. These small victories will give you even more confidence. But don’t forget about big goals: buy yourself a car in such and such a month, fly away on vacation in the summer, improve your health. Plan and achieve. Don't be afraid to set big goals for yourself. The more difficult it gets, the closer you get to it.
Now you know, how to become a confident person. Put all these methods into practice and you will quickly become a confident man. Leave your comments and subscribe to blog updates.
In conclusion, an interesting video:
Readers of my blog often ask me the question: “ how to become a confident person" In this article I will answer this question.
Self-confidence is determined by our subjective perception of ourselves, our capabilities and skills, our psycho-emotional state, our beliefs and internal attitudes. In addition, this quality is based on our actual skills and abilities.
When you are good at something, and, at the same time, reality has repeatedly demonstrated to you that you have truly succeeded in this skill, you have less food to doubt your skill.
If you have never had problems communicating, if you have always been able to clearly formulate your thoughts, be an interesting conversationalist, and you have always seen what a good impression you make on other people, then it will be difficult for you to doubt yourself as an interlocutor.
But things are not always that simple. Often we do not have an adequate assessment of our skills, and regardless of what we can and cannot do, we still doubt ourselves.
I'll give you 25 tips on how to become confident. Self-confidence concerns different aspects. Firstly, it is confidence in one’s strengths, in one’s capabilities, in one’s undertakings. Secondly, it is self-confidence in the communication process, which is expressed in firmness, perseverance and lack of shyness. Thirdly, this is the perception of your real qualities. By developing these qualities, you can be confident in them.
In my advice I will touch on all these components. I won't categorize advice based on how it relates to these multiple levels of self-confidence. After all, self-confidence is connected, for example, with confidence in communication. All these tips are interconnected and are suitable for a person who is afraid to communicate and a person who doubts his abilities or cannot defend his own point of view.
However, I will try to follow this line: first there will be advice related to working on eliminating doubts, then there will be advice regarding confidence in communication, and only then I will talk about acquiring some personal skills and abilities.
Tip 1 - Don't try to get rid of doubts, live with them!
When I started writing articles for this site, I was tormented by a whole lot of doubts: “what if I won’t be able to write, what if my advice won’t be useful to anyone, what if no one will read my site, what if my thoughts seem stupid, etc. »
At the same time, I was reading the book by G. Hesse - The Glass Bead Game. And one phrase from this book helped me awaken faith in myself. “...his doubts did not cease at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation...”
Some of my readers may think that this will be followed by my phrase: “I read this, and, at this moment, all my doubts were miraculously resolved!”
No, my doubts have not disappeared. Just a quote from the book helped me finally become convinced of what I had only guessed about. Doubts and uncertainty are natural and natural. They accompany any endeavor. It is not always possible to escape from them somewhere. . Moreover, this is normal, because I started doing something new, unusual for myself and ambitious. Therefore, my first task is not to resolve doubts, but to simply do my job, without listening to the voice of uncertainty when it bothers me.
The fact is that in a large number of cases doubts are just emotions that have nothing to do with reality. If you think that you won’t succeed at something, it doesn’t mean that you really won’t succeed if you make every effort.
If it seems to you that they will not understand you, that they will laugh at you, this does not mean that everything will be exactly like that.
Doubts and confidence constantly replace each other. These are temporary phenomena. If you want to test this thesis, then remember the moments when you doubted something, and the next day you were more confident in it than ever. And if you don’t remember, then just watch yourself for a few days, pay attention to how confidence constantly replaces uncertainty. Usually people are more confident in themselves in the morning, when they are full of energy, than in the evening, when their strength leaves them.
Self-confidence depends on your tone, on your mood and even on your health. It's just one of the emotional states that comes and goes. Of course, this doesn't mean that you should simply ignore this condition in every case. Sometimes it can tell you something, for example, that you overestimate your strength. Sometimes you can simply get rid of it as a hindrance, an internal limitation that prevents you from achieving your goals.
But other times, you just have to stop listening to that voice of doubt and take action. It's normal to doubt yourself, and sometimes it even helps to get rid of a lot of arrogance. But doubts should not stand in the way of all your endeavors.
I want to say that becoming self-confident does not mean never doubting yourself. Being confident means overcoming your doubts and fears!
If you want to know, I still doubt myself often, but do I come across as an insecure person? If I stopped every time I encountered doubt, you would see almost no article on this site.
Tip 2 – Know the time when self-confidence leaves you
Pay attention to when and in what situations you are usually tormented by doubts. If you find some kind of pattern in this, then do not attach much importance to it.
For example, I noticed that I begin to strongly doubt myself, my endeavors, my words, my thoughts just before bed, when I start to fall asleep. I’ve already gotten used to this, and when self-doubt visits me again, I greet it like an old acquaintance: “here they are, evening doubts, as usual.”
I can’t say that I completely ignore this voice, but if I listen to it, I make allowances for the fact that this is a common emotional state for this time of day. And if at this time I doubt what I said, this does not mean that I am actually wrong.
On the contrary, in the morning I am usually confident in myself, sometimes even too confident. And evening doubts balance morning confidence, so I don’t deprive the evening doubting voice of attention, I just make corrections.
Learn to pay attention to the temporary, incoming nature of doubt, depending on your current state. Remember at what moments uncertainty comes to you. And if this happens all the time, and you see a pattern in this, reduce these doubts “in price”.
Also use moments of “confidence” to destroy your doubts. Think about what you doubt when you are on the rise of vigor and strength. This will help you decide on something.
Sometimes, if I'm tired or upset about something, one unkind comment on the site can kill the confidence in what I'm doing for a while in a matter of seconds. (True, lately this has been happening less and less. Not comments, but uncertainty.)
And at this moment it doesn’t matter to me that a few minutes before I didn’t doubt anything. It also doesn’t matter to me that reality has repeatedly demonstrated to me that what I’m doing is correct.
People tend to overestimate the significance of the present moment in time and they extrapolate their current state to the global perspective of life. If it now seems to them that they are capable of nothing, then they begin to think that it has always been this way, despite all past successes.
At such moments, just try to look at reality, at your actual capabilities and successes, without succumbing to your current state. It’s like “in fact, I can do this and that, I can do this and that, I’ve already achieved this and that.”
For example, when I start to doubt my ideas, I think: my site has helped many people, they have already written to me about it, they read it regularly and leave grateful comments, someone, thanks to my advice, has learned to cope with panic attacks, etc. d.
At such moments, I do not try to praise myself, but simply look at the facts in order to regain an adequate understanding of reality.
I recommend that you stop at the facts and no longer argue with yourself. If your doubts are caused by your current mood (fatigue, irritation), you most likely will not be able to get rid of them until this state passes.
And if you start thinking about it a lot, then your mind, constrained by a state of fatigue, will continue to doubt and lead you to uncertainty. So just tell yourself that these doubts are lies. Rely on reality, not emotions. Didn't help much? Nothing, it happens. Then just forget about it and don't think about doubts. They will pass along with your bad mood.
Tip 4 – Don’t listen to people who say “you can’t do it”
It happens that when you doubt something, you share your plans with your friends and acquaintances. You expect them to support you in your new endeavor, but often all you get is a stop sign.
Some people are simply unable to dispel your doubts for the reason that they care about their own psychological comfort, and not about your happiness.
You don’t think that you are the only person who lacks self-confidence, and you are surrounded only by people who are confident in their own abilities? Unfortunately, most people never decide to do anything bold and independent. They want to believe that if something didn’t work out for them, then you won’t succeed either.
They secretly wish for your failure and even expect it. Because your success can become a living reproach for them, a reminder of missed opportunities.
Imagine that you have decided to open your own business and are consulting with a person who has been employed most of his life. What advice do you expect from him? Most likely, he will say that nothing will work out for you (because it didn’t work out for him), that you are taking risks and you should not go into this field, but continue to live an ordinary life and go to work every day.
Therefore, consult about your endeavors with those people who have already achieved some success in the area about which you want to get advice. Take your example from them, and not from those who have failed.
Tip 5 – When you doubt yourself, think about your “ideal self”
It happens that our self-doubt tries to fraudulently pass itself off as arguments of common sense. For example, you are afraid to approach a girl or young man and ask him or her out on a date.
You tell yourself that it is not fear that is holding you back, but some objective obstacles. You think that this person will refuse you, that he already has someone, that you are not his type, and therefore there is no point in asking him out and wasting your time on it.
But, in fact, you are just afraid and do not want to admit your fear to yourself, coming up with excuses. How do you understand that it is fear that is holding you back?
Form in your mind an image of an “ideal self” who is not afraid of anything and who is always confident. It is a perfect copy of yourself. Think about what it would do if it were you? Wouldn't it even try to get its way?
But even if this “ideal self” decided to invite another person on a date, this does not mean that you are obliged to do so. You are not perfect. But when you realize that ideally you would have to cast aside doubts and act, you realize that all that is holding you back is only your fear and no other restrictions. The problem will immediately lose the complexity that you assigned to it. With this understanding, it will be much easier for you to decide on something.
Find out more about the “ideal self” method in my article.
While you are tormented by doubts: “I won’t succeed,” “I’m not capable of anything,” “I won’t be able to, etc.” , remember that everything depends only on your will. You yourself determine whether something will work out for you or not. If you want and show diligence, then everything will work out. And even if not, try again.
You are free people, and no innate qualities or character traits prevent you from achieving your goal and becoming the kind of person you want to become, having received from life what you want to get. There are many more things subject to your will than you yourself are used to thinking.
You should stop seeing restrictions where there are none. Don't be afraid of difficulties, just start taking action.
The next few tips will touch on the problem of self-doubt in communication.
I already wrote about what I want to talk about at this point in the article, and here I will repeat it again. Don't think that all the people around you are constantly watching you, noticing all your shortcomings and remembering all your words. People are obsessed with their problems. Most of the time they think about themselves, even when they pretend to listen to you.
So relax and calm down. There is no reason to be afraid of communication or public speaking. People pay much less attention to you than you think.
I give this advice in many of my articles. Here I give it for the following reason. If you learn to pay attention to someone other than yourself, your mind will be less occupied with fear of possibilities and plagued by doubts. You will stop endlessly thinking about yourself, about how you look, talk and what people think about you.
You will look at other people and engage in dialogue with them. You will take your mind off your fears and see in other people much that you had not noticed in them before. You will realize that you and other people have more similarities than differences. And therefore there is no need to be afraid of anyone.
You are not perfect. And no one is perfect. Accept it. Therefore, you should not react painfully to your mistakes and failures, which undermine your self-confidence. Everyone makes mistakes and that's okay.
Therefore, be calm about your mistakes. If you feel that you did something wrong or said something wrong, then just draw conclusions from this situation, learn a lesson. Try not to make this mistake in the future, instead of worrying about how stupid you were.
It's human nature to make mistakes, there's nothing wrong with that.
The people around you most likely have many flaws and weaknesses, even if they seem very confident. You don’t need to think that when you find yourself in society, you become in the position of a small fish surrounded by sharks. In fact, you may be surrounded by people who are just as meek and self-doubting as you think you are. Even if they try to hide it.
You should not be afraid of people, especially if they cannot do you any harm. Do not be shy in front of your bosses, women or men, or colleagues. They are people just like you.
You shouldn’t go out of your way to convince people that you are the smartest, the most sophisticated, the most erudite, the most “correct.” Such attempts, as a rule, indicate uncertainty about some of your qualities. When you are not too confident in your mind, you try to make other people believe in it.
Therefore, in some cases, vanity, boasting, and excessive assertiveness in communication can indicate internal self-doubts.
So stop bragging and trying to impress every person. First of all, you need to convince yourself that you are worth something. Be who you are when interacting with other people.
Undoubtedly, moderate modesty is a virtue. You don’t need to appear better than you are, but you also shouldn’t seem worse than you are. Everything must have a limit. Don't be shy about speaking directly about your strengths if you are asked about them (for example, in an interview).
If you are not afraid to talk about your strengths, it shows your confidence in those qualities. And when other people see that you are confident, they become confident in you. They think: “I see that this person does not doubt himself, and since he does not doubt, then most likely he has nothing to doubt, and I can also be confident in him.”
And if other people praise your qualities, then without embarrassment, accept their compliments as if you deserved it. Thank people for their kind words towards you.
Despite the fact that a little higher in the article I advised being yourself and not pretending, I still recommend portraying self-confidence in situations where you feel a lack of this quality.
Firstly, appearing confident is simply beneficial, for the reason that people themselves become more confident in you. It is a fact that people who are insecure are less liked and respected.
Secondly, when you simply pretend that you are confident, you actually become confident. After all, very often feelings of uncertainty and doubt have nothing to do with your actual qualities. These are just emotions that can be overcome. And when you try to do something different instead of following their lead, you take control of them.
Smile more, be interested in other people's problems, encourage them. This will endear your interlocutors to you. And when people are friendly towards you, it is easier for you to maintain self-confidence.
Do not withdraw into yourself, speak openly about your views and thoughts if the situation allows and this will not disturb the comfort of other people.
Previously, when I was an insecure person, I always had something on my mind, not letting it go. But this did not help me gain faith in myself, on the contrary, it only contributed to the fact that I lost it. As a result of self-development, I became very open. It seems to me that for my close people I am always in full view.
On the one hand, I am confident in my thoughts, so I speak about them directly. On the other hand, I am not afraid that I will not be understood or will be criticized. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m wrong, to renounce my views if someone convinces me otherwise.
I am interested in discussing with people on topics that concern me, learning other people’s opinions, expanding my horizons.
When I talk about myself out loud, when I present my thoughts to everyone, then I have to eliminate all doubts, since I do this. And such an action helps to be more confident in myself, because I expose myself to the test of the opportunity to face someone else’s opinion. Under the influence of these factors, self-confidence blossoms!
Don't wait for someone to pour out their soul to you first to open your soul to that person. Take the first step (although the circumstances must be suitable, there is no need to pour out your soul unnecessarily. You should start a sincere dialogue as delicately as possible, removing all barriers). Be frank with your interlocutor, and then the interlocutor will be frank with you. And when someone opens up to you, then your self-confidence will increase!
Of course, appearance has some meaning, but charisma, intelligence and charm mean incomparably more! 😉
Speak clearly. Look into the eyes of your interlocutors, do not make unnecessary hand gestures. Don’t crumple your fingers, don’t pick your lips, don’t “uh-huh.” Just watch yourself, the position of your body, hone your communication skills and then, sooner or later, it will start to work out for you.
Have a strong position and unshakable views regarding certain things. Don't rush to agree with everyone. A firm position does not mean blind stubbornness in opinion. This also does not mean that you always need to aggressively defend your opinion, or engage in long, meaningless arguments (although, in some situations, you have to defend yourself).
This means having a strong, well-founded, thoughtful position, a set of one’s own principles that cannot be shaken by every random opinion.
I am confident that I am doing the right thing by maintaining this site and filling it with articles. I believe that meditation is beneficial, and people are missing out on many of the benefits if they give up the practice. I am sure that people themselves are responsible for their own shortcomings. I am sure that every person...
I have strong principles and views on which my words and actions are based and therefore I am confident in those words and actions. This confidence helps me continue to do what I do. Sometimes clouds of doubt begin to obscure it, but behind these clouds you can always see the Sun, because it never disappears.
Form your life position. Understand what you want from life. Think about your principles, stick to them, but avoid stubbornness, blind enthusiasm and rejection of other people's opinions! Maintain a balance between moderate healthy stubbornness and softness, be flexible but firm, rely on the opinions of other people, but do not depend on them!
Formulate your principles. Let me give you an example of this principle: “if you show diligence, everything will work out.” Realize how confident you are in this principle. Reason like this: “the experience of many people confirms this principle. The one who really strives for something does not give up, only he achieves something. Therefore, I can be confident in this principle. And it doesn't matter what others say! They can say anything!” Hold on to this principle. Sometimes it will be obscured by doubt, then return again to your inner confidence, again and again find confirmation of the truth of this idea in life and in experience.
You don't necessarily need to take any special courses to improve your self-confidence. Why do this, why pay money, when reality provides many reasons to develop this quality?
Why would you train in some artificial situations when life gives you the opportunity to hone your skills in real situations?
You need self-confidence for life, so learn from life!
Meet other people, go to meetings, group events (it’s better to abstain from alcohol; I wrote why in an article about). Put the recommendations I have given into practice, take care of yourself, be aware of your fear and uncertainty. Try to understand what things you are unsure about and why. What are you going to do about it?
are great free lessons in business communication and self-confidence. Just remember to put a salary above your current level on your resume. The higher the salary you ask for, the harder it is to justify that you are worthy of the money. But in the process of such communication, your self-confidence will strengthen.
A side effect of such training may be that you find a more suitable job for yourself for more money. Isn’t it tempting to not pay for lessons and get them yourself?
Of course, it is very difficult to be confident in your qualities if these qualities are poorly developed. Self-confidence must be based on something real, on your actual merits.
Of course, self-perception and emotional state are very important components of self-confidence. People need to stop belittling their merits and learn to cope with doubts, as I wrote about above.
But, unfortunately, this alone is not enough. I think it's not entirely correct to convince them that they are better than they really are. Increasing self-confidence must necessarily be accompanied by work on oneself, self-development, so that something in a person can be confident.
Therefore, develop your personal qualities. This blog is dedicated to how to do this. Read my articles, try to apply the recommendations. , improve self-control.
Read more books of any kind: fiction, science books, educational books, etc.
Improve your professional qualities. Think about what you want. Follow this goal.
Always strive to learn something new about this world, to learn some skills. As you master certain skills, your confidence in those skills increases. After all, it is difficult to doubt what you have devoted so much time to and what you do better than others.
Think about what you are good at.
If you constantly learn something, put your skills into practice, and see the impact of your actions, then there will be much less room for self-doubt!
Update 01/22/2014: As I read in the book, it turns out that people who think that all their qualities are given by nature and cannot be changed are less confident in themselves than those who believe in the possibility of self-development and growth! Why is this happening? Because people with the so-called fixed mindset (qualities cannot be developed) believe that if they are shy, lack charm, and are not smart enough, then this will always be the case. Therefore, they are afraid of communication, since it will once again remind them of their “ineradicable” shortcomings.
But people with a growth mindset (traits that can be developed), on the contrary, do not miss the opportunity to develop their communication skills and self-confidence. For them, the very fact that they are not smart and self-confident does not mean that this will always be the case. It may be difficult for them to communicate and believe in themselves yet, but everything can be developed. That is why failures do not undermine these people’s self-confidence. They are not afraid of challenges and are only looking for a reason to develop themselves and become better!
Someone else's criticism is not a death sentence for them. It becomes valuable information that they can use for self-development. Failures are no longer failures, they become valuable lessons. Willingness for trials and failures, healthy stubbornness and intransigence build people’s self-confidence! And if you do not strive to develop your qualities and consider yourself a worthless person who will never be capable of anything, you will never achieve anything and will not be able to develop self-confidence.
Therefore, I reminded you once again that any qualities can be developed! Every person can change! You suffer from self-doubt not because you are “that kind of person”, but because you have not made any effort to change!
I have already said that you should know your strengths. But besides this, you need to know your shortcomings. For what? To be calm about them and understand what you need to work on.
Instead of thinking: “I’m so bad, I can’t do anything,” you need to think like this: “I can do this, this and that, but I’m weak in this, this and that. I can improve some qualities, some I don’t need at all, and with some of them I can’t do anything. It’s normal, because you can’t be perfect.”
Make a list of what you are good at and what you are bad at. And think about what you can improve in yourself. Take these shortcomings not as a given, not as something unchangeable, but as a frontier for future work.
Yes, you don’t know how to do something now, but in the future the situation may change thanks to your efforts. All in your hands. This understanding will give you extra confidence in your abilities, which will not hurt you at all.
If you believe that practically any qualities can be developed (and this is undoubtedly possible) and strive for this, then you will stop avoiding those life situations that you were afraid of due to self-doubt. Because, as I said earlier, many of these life situations are training for your personality traits.
Are you bad at communication? Instead of avoiding communication, on the contrary, communicate! This is the only way you can develop your communication skills.
Are you afraid of speaking in public because you think you're bad at it? There is only one way to learn this and I think you can guess which one.
Do not avoid what you are afraid of, work on eliminating your shortcomings, those qualities of your personality that you are not sure of. Learn new skills and put those skills into practice in a variety of life situations. Instead of giving in to difficulties, overcome them armed with the desire to develop. And then you will open up many more life opportunities than if you just sat with your hands folded.
If you don’t know how to do something, or doubt some of your qualities, develop it! Why grieve? Try, experiment, be diligent. And if something is impossible to achieve, then there is no point in being sad about it! Why worry about something you can't change? Accept it!
Tip 25 – Don’t wait for confidence to appear – take action
This is the last and most important tip. You don't have to wait until you don't have any doubts or fears before you decide to do anything. You can wait in vain for this state to appear all your life without starting to do anything.
Doubts and fears will not go away. Remember, I said that doubts accompany any bold endeavor. And you will not be able to become confident in yourself until you begin to step over your fears, act contrary to them, not paying attention to your anxiety and uncertainty.
Your goal is not to get rid of fear, but to learn to ignore it! And the more control you gain over it, the smaller it becomes. Therefore, do not wait for it to become easy, act now, through strength, through uncertainty. Then life with all its troubles will strengthen your character and it will become as hard as a diamond and indestructible as a typhoon!