How to put a person in his place? Great plot! How to put a person in his place without using physical force, using only words.

Did a stranger yell at you in the hospital? An annoying, tactless lout didn’t let you breathe easy in the minibus, asking stupid questions like: “Does your mother need a son-in-law, by any chance?” “Get your dog away!” - an unfamiliar matron shouted when your pocket dog approached her within 2 meters... Sometimes people simply need to be taught a lesson, otherwise you will not have enough nerves if such treatment is repeated day after day. We will tell you how to put a person in his place and you will be able to answer correctly even the most intrusive pester.

The most important

Do not under any circumstances think that if someone has insulted you somewhere, then you are an unworthy person. “I’m nothing if I’m humiliated like that,” some people think. Do not allow such thoughts to enter your mind, get rid of them the moment they begin to creep into you. Every person is rude to someone at least once a day. Ask your friends and acquaintances. They will immediately remember several such cases. Realize that the problem is not with you, but with the one who allowed himself to be rude. Shamelessness arises in a person only when he begins to understand that he is not capable of anything.

Ignoring

Want to know how to put a girl or even any guy in her place? Just don’t respond to the person with the same rudeness. Be smarter and don't lower yourself to the level of such people. If you've been yelled at, they want to hear the same thing back. If you don’t want to give the offender such pleasure, ignore him as if there was an empty place next to you.

Radical measures

Deprive of anonymity. If an employee of some organization is rude to you, ask him to first introduce himself, state his position and title. You can put a boorish policeman in his place by asking what his badge number is and asking for the phone number of a higher authority. Contact the boor's superiors or ask for a complaint book.
Demonstrate psychological power. If you are confident in yourself, then look the rude person closely and calmly in the eyes. If you look at the bridge of his nose, it will seem to him that you are looking into both eyes. Don’t look away until he stops talking; if you pass this test, you can safely sign up for the circus and tame tigers.
Answer, but politely. So, if you cannot restrain yourself from saying a couple of “affectionate” words to a tactless person, let them really be affectionate. You can use the following phrases:
- If they ask a lot of questions. “I consider it unnecessary to answer such questions, since this is purely my personal matter.”
- If they give a lot of stupid advice. “I think that a person who is poorly informed on this issue should not speak out on this matter.” Or: “Leave me your number, I’ll call you if I ever need your advice.”
- If the person is too intrusive. “Sorry, but no one asked you.”

If you still don’t really understand how to put a person in his place, your own self-confidence will be enough. Never, under any circumstances, show that some offensive words have hurt you and you are about to give up. Look into the eyes of a boor and think that you are much better. Such confidence, in any case, will be reflected in your look and tone, and then your offender, if he does not stop the bullying, will certainly moderate his ardor.

Rudeness, the explanatory dictionary cheerfully informs, is the behavior of a boor. Armed with this invaluable information, you can begin to study this phenomenon.

“The brood of rude people” is a biblical concept (Genesis 9: 18-29). It appeared thanks to the character Hamu, who saw his father’s nakedness and did not fail to tell his brothers about this amazing picture, flashing his disdain for hierarchy. For which Ham seemed to be punished: his fourth son, Canaan, was given into slavery, and, it seems, emigrated to Russia, where he has flourished to this day. Which is already a punishment for those who are deprived of Ham’s lively genes; and according to the FOM, there are 55% of them in Russia.

Signs of a boor

Rudeness is called animal automatism, a spontaneous response to a stimulus. That is, a boor tries to insult, humiliate, intimidate, trample, scream terribly at an object that cannot be defeated with the help of the intellectual, cultural and emotional potential at his disposal.

In serf Russia, a boor was a serf, a forced and rude human being who did not know how to behave. The current boor is an aggressor who deliberately attacks, violates your personal boundaries, trying to hurt more and avoid retribution. The textbook information that a boor is “a pathetic, insignificant person with low self-esteem who asserts himself at the expense of those around him” is true - but, alas, it does not console those affected by rudeness.

The characteristic of a modern boor is the ability to move along the evolutionary ladder - from the crown of creation, who has mastered a fork and spoon and a computer, to a primate who simply pulls the rug out from under your cultural feet with screams and meaningless insults.

An eye for an eye?

The conflict between the boor and the non-boor contains a painful injustice: the boor is free, like a monkey in the jungle, and the non-boor is bound by culture, spiritual values, social conventions, and respect for human dignity.

The boor tries to drag the victim into his native, familiar boorish territory. But do not try to be rude to him for educational purposes: for him, rude aggression is his natural element, for you it is a feeling of shame and frayed nerves.

It is humanly understandable that you want to put the offender in his place and draw his attention to the ethical chasm that separates you. For simplicity, rude people can be divided into three main groups, sensitive to certain measures of influence.

20% of Russians are ready to respond to rudeness with rudeness, while the rest, when in contact with a boor, remain silent, leave, hold back, answer politely, or experience a feeling of powerlessness.

Types of household louts and methods of dealing with them

GROUP No. 1 “RUDE DURING PERFORMANCE”

Representatives of this group - be it an official or a small fry from fast food - give vent to their rudeness, because by inertia (since the USSR) they are confident in your lack of rights and in their impunity.

Your reaction

A rude employee of any organization must first be deprived of anonymity - by asking him to introduce himself and state his position. You need to ask the policeman for the badge number. Next, you should ask for the phone number of a higher-level department, contact the rude boss, or ask for a complaint book.

Prudent impudent people, instead of a book of complaints, may slip you some kind of non-statutory notebook that no one will ever see. This book of complaints is a standard bound book with numbered pages and stamps on each of them. It is this book that, say, a store owner reads with interest before distributing bonuses and debriefing. In addition, the complaint book is an official document that is studied not only by direct superiors, but also by the controlling organization.

GROUP No. 2 “COMMUNICAL MEMBERS”

1. If comrades from the first group assert themselves as if on behalf of the system, hiding behind their position, then social activists make scandals on the tram or in line, where publicity protects them from the danger of retaliation. Teenagers, for example, during puberty greatly value good rudeness - as a way to notify everyone of their independence.

2. Overcrowding, crowds, and invasion of personal physical space get on everyone’s nerves - and people with low self-esteem are especially sensitive to imaginary attacks on their well-being, so they react rudely and aggressively to minor discomfort or strike preemptively at potential enemies.

Your reaction

Psychologists offer a variety of methods to show a boorish enemy that you are stronger than him.

1. Ignoring. Keep silent, turn away, not give the boor a drop of the attention that he so craves, save your nerves, realizing that there are levels of communication to which you cannot descend even if you want.

2. Advice for those who are strong in spirit - look into the boor's eyes, or more precisely, into the bridge of his nose, so that you get the impression that you are looking into both eyes, demonstrating psychological power. When performing this exercise, it is important not to look away until the boor calms down. They say it brings moral satisfaction. Then you can get a job in a circus as a tiger tamer.

3. Break patterns. Getting excited, the boor keeps in mind the usual scenario of events - he said something, and they all shut up. If you have the desire, time and some agility, you can follow your line, deceiving the expectations of the rude person and putting him in a dead end. In the end, the truth will dawn on him that he is not in charge here.

Let's say you get out of the car and hear:

You bastards, they set you up here to make you fail!

Installed here! - you respond. -Where are they all?

Stop being rude to the elders, look, he's dressed up in a suit!

Can I come to your place and change into something?

I'll come to you! I'll call the police now!

Police! Help, they are raping! Woman, leave me alone, I'm a married man!

4. Give the boor feedback with clear information about his behavior, returning him responsibility for his aggression.

You apologize after stepping on someone's foot:

Excuse me, please.

Forgive her... Look, what a cow, she’s spread out, she can’t get through, she can’t get through.

You, dispassionately:

You are saying very rude and offensive words.

Yah? The milk on your lips hasn’t dried, so let’s make comments! Business hurts!

You offend a stranger.

You should drive a car, not the subway, since it’s so tender.

You are speaking rude words to me again.

Receiving objective information about himself, the boor slows down, not wanting to risk the remnants of self-esteem.

GROUP No. 3 “CLOSED ENVIRONMENT”

This group includes people with whom we unfortunately have some kind of personal relationship - relatives, colleagues, acquaintances. As a rule, they do not resort to open rudeness, but try to bite on the sly, with a smile. This smile always puzzles the victim and prevents her from articulating her complaints.

Let's say you come to work with a new hairstyle, and Petrova's colleague says to you:

Oh, new haircut! Ivanova has the same one! It suits her, but not so much for you, you’ve become like a second-year student from a boarding school for the mentally retarded,” and she smiles unctuously.

What happened? Petrova gave you a so-called “double message” - where she put nasty (for her own pleasure) and sympathy (so that you yourself would get out of this situation).

Your reaction

We need to gather our courage and return Petrova to responsibility for her missteps, let her get out of it without your help. How? Without smiling, you ask her a question that describes both parts of her message:

Petrova! You smile at me and at the same time say things that are very unpleasant for me. I'm getting lost. Tell me, how can I understand you?

Since Petrova is not able to explain to herself why she says nasty things to people close to her, she will prefer - after two or three similar cases - to keep her mouth shut.

Vaccination against stress

Controlling the situation with a boor gives us a sense of security and self-confidence. To do this, it is important to understand “yeah, in front of me is a boor”, determine which variety he belongs to - and act accordingly.

If you notice that every boor you meet easily throws you off balance, if you experience rudeness for weeks, then behind your vulnerability there may be some personal problems hidden, which a psychologist will help you cope with.

Your response to an arrogant person is a reflection of your integrity, your ability to stand up for yourself.

You'll definitely recognize them when you see them. It's arrogant people with an arrogant attitude towards others that can easily ruin your day, unless of course you are armed with one or more of these 9 answers.

For some reason, an arrogant person is sure that he is somehow superior to you, although, in fact, we are all equal people, and the difference between us is completely insignificant. How you react to these people when you encounter them can affect your mood. Your response to an arrogant person is a reflection of your integrity, your ability to stand up for yourself.

9 phrases that will put an arrogant person in his place

Arrogant people share personality traits with people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition, used to diagnose psychological problems:

They believe that they are special and unique, so they can only be understood by people with a special or high status, with whom they should only communicate.

They require excessive admiration for their personality.

They are in an unreasonable belief that everything should happen exactly as they wish or assume.

They carry out interpersonal exploitation, that is, they use others to achieve their own goals.

They lack empathy: that is, they are unable to recognize or identify the feelings and needs of other people.

Show arrogance through arrogant behavior or attitude.

1. - What makes you think so?

This phrase is intended to help an arrogant person understand that he is in captivity of stereotypes, that he is simply generalizing everything, as a result of which he will stop speaking in such a way. We hope that such people can realize that they are saying bad things. And after this is pointed out to them, they will stop expressing such thoughts.

2. - Oh-oh-oh!

If they hurt someone's feelings, whether they are yours or someone else's, call it like you see it. We are talking about offensive expressions that are used by an arrogant person. And this exclamation will help them realize the harm they are causing.

3. - You know, my mother too...

An arrogant person is likely to differentiate groups of people based on race, education received, etc., which allows him to express his negative stereotypes. The whole point is that by humiliating others, an arrogant person tries to elevate himself in comparison with them.

You can quickly stop negative talk by hinting that one of your loved ones is also part of the group that the arrogant person is trying to ridicule. In this way, you will let him know that such gossip is offensive to you personally and you are not going to put up with unfair slander. Most likely, after this the rude person will apologize, which will be the best way out of the situation for him.

4. - Do you know that there are other points of view?

You and everyone else have the right to your own opinion. But arrogant people should understand that their negative comments should not affect other people.

5. - Tell me again, why are you better than him?

Arrogant people think they are better than others. So ask them to explain why we should treat these other people differently. He can give quite interesting answers to this, but most likely he will just start squirming. And you will put him in a completely uncomfortable position if you say that he is not higher than other people.

6. - I would be grateful if these were the last words you said on this topic.

End this arrogant man's chatter as rudely as he started it. This phrase will put an end to his slander. But, again, an arrogant person, accustomed to hearing only himself. Therefore, you will have to say this in the most intelligible way for him.

7. - Shut up, finally.

The easiest way to end a conversation with an arrogant person is to simply walk away. And the best thing is if at the end you say some rather sharp phrase that will make him think. But it is quite possible that you will not be able to influence an arrogant person even in this way. They think too highly of themselves, despite all the evidence of their meanness.

8. - I'm sure you didn't mean for it to sound so arrogant, right?

This phrase conveys good intentions, even if you are not at all sure that the person is so inclined. This formulation actually gives the arrogant person a chance to correct himself, since he will be able to answer that he really did not mean to seem rude. She will also make it clear that you refuse to support his game of belittling others.

9 . “Do you realize how arrogant you look when you say things like that?”

Point out their arrogant behavior and let them know that you find it completely unacceptable. Psychologists who specialize in studying character say that modest people are not at all concerned with themselves, but arrogant people have an inflated opinion of themselves. Representatives of society with such a character are also characterized by manipulative actions towards other people.

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How to put your interlocutor in his place. Verbal attack methods

Do you want to win in negotiations and verbal duels?

20 - December 21, 2014 Igor Vagin's training will take place

“How to put your interlocutor in his place

We invite you to the training! details =

Chapter 1. The tongue is worse than a gun!

The art of parrying verbal blows is the most necessary thing in life. People who do not mince words have been respected since ancient times. The winners of verbal duels gained fame as great orators. The ability to sting with a word is valor. In Ancient Greece, for example, Diogenes of Sinope became famous for his ability to return blow to blow. His antics are written about in many ancient works.

Before becoming an eccentric and philosopher, Diogenes was engaged in minting coins. But he was soon caught cutting off money. Later, his enemies more than once reminded him of this “sin of youth.” “So what,” Diogenes answered them. “As a child, I not only cut coins, but also wet the bed!”

Diogenes himself knew how to masterfully put people in their place. One day he was brought to the house of a rich and influential man. Moreover, knowing about his bad habit, they warned him in advance not to spit there. It’s inconvenient, they say, it’s too clean. Without hesitation, Diogenes cleared his throat and spat in his companion’s face: “Sorry, I couldn’t find a worse place here!” Another time, Diogenes heard a man who, with the air of an expert, was discussing celestial phenomena. And he asked him: “Have you come down from heaven a long time ago?”

Ill-wishers once reproached Diogenes for visiting evil and indecent places. “So what,” Diogenes objected. - And the sun sometimes looks into the cesspool. But that doesn’t make it any dirtier.”

One day Diogenes began to beg for alms from a man known for his stinginess. He sarcastically remarked: “I will give you alms, Diogenes, if you convince me to do this.” “If I could convince you of anything,” the philosopher answered, “I would convince you to hang yourself!” Contemporaries wrote that once Diogenes began to beg even... from a statue. When asked about the reasons for the strange act, he answered: “Don’t interfere! I am accustoming myself to refusals!”

It is also known how Diogenes reacted to Socrates’ famous statement “I only know that I know nothing.” “I’m smarter than Socrates,” he said. “Because I don’t even know that!”

The name of the eccentric philosopher has been preserved for centuries. The ability to find a sharp word in time will be useful to you today. It will help you win an important dispute. It is stupid to object directly, to rush at the enemy, like a bull rushes at a bullfighter. You need to be more flexible, listen to objections and respond quickly and effectively. Only speed, wit and the ability to understand the hidden motives of the opponent guarantee victory in a verbal duel. There are quite a lot of techniques that will help you successfully put your presumptuous interlocutor in his place. Here are just a few.

1. White from black. By turning a negative into a positive, you will completely disarm the enemy. It turns out that he does not blame you, but praises you.

- You talk on the phone too much!

- Of course. This is necessary in business: clients are people too and love to communicate. Who are you to me, warden?

- Your seminar does not correspond to practice!

- Try these techniques in real life! Many clients are satisfied with my seminar; it helps them in practice. And what is “practice” anyway, in your opinion?

2. Boomerang. Reproach the one who attacks you. He probably doesn't expect this turn of events.

- You are not protecting my interests at all.

- I may not be protecting your interests, but I am protecting the interests of the cause!

Chapter 2. Under the investigator's hood

There is no point in swearing off money or prison in Russia. The chances of being behind bars for any of us are always higher than the chances of remaining free. Don't wave your hands, think about it better:

We are putting everyone in prison. There were two vice-presidents in Russia: Rutskoi and Yanaev, and now Mikhail Khodorkovsky, one of the oligarchs, is in prison. Two speakers of parliament have been in Russian prisons: among them Khasbulatov. Even the acting Prosecutor General, Ilyushenko, was in prison. And the Minister of Defense is Yazov. And deputy Minister of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, and... You see for yourself, no one is immune from this...

A conversation with an investigator is an extreme situation. This is not bullshit for you. This, by the way, depends on where exactly you will spend the next few years...

Familiarize yourself with your rights in advance and go ahead to the interrogation. It cannot be avoided no matter how hard you want. But knowing about some techniques for putting pressure on the brain, you will be able to avoid the worst. Forewarned is forearmed. Of course, one should feel sorry for the investigators - their work is not easy. Solving a crime is a very difficult task. Perhaps that is why the most savvy representatives of this glorious tribe limit themselves to collecting the minimum amount of information to transfer the case to court. It is sometimes much easier to obtain a false confession of guilt or fake evidence than to establish the truth. So, better sympathize with yourself, your loved one. And try to at least mentally prepare to defend yourself if you find yourself in the notorious office with a bright lamp.

What do investigators use? Your fear, guilt, a sense of superiority, a feeling of revenge, envy... Most of the "zhellovy and sharapov" are fluent in the techniques of "carrot and stick", bluff, intimidation, exhaustion... They have a standard arsenal for "persuading" stubborn defendants , which is used by both experienced investigators and newbies.

1. The “know-it-all” technique. The investigator begins the interrogation by reporting minor offenses that the arrested person had in the past. Gradually it reaches the “present time”. It seems that he already knows all the ins and outs about the accused. Some details can be clarified in advance from the suspect’s accomplices. If you are not a complete fool, do not inject yourself, even if it seems that everything is open. Who better than an investigator can pretend that he has already known everything for a long time. Demonstration of investigative capabilities also has a good effect on the brain. The investigator reports in detail how and what he will use to further solve the crime. Presents the results of the examination, the results of interrogations and confrontations. Anything goes, even the “random” demonstration of evidence allegedly found during a search. So that the suspect knows for sure: everything will be revealed anyway, and a sincere confession makes the punishment easier.

2. Bluff technique. They try to present the case as if the confession of the accused is just an empty formality, everything he will say is known in advance. And the investigator only needs to find out some minor details. The insignificance of these details lulls the suspect's vigilance. So errors, inaccuracies, or even some major “puncture” appear. Funny little details can lead to serious facts. In addition, the suspect is completely unknown. What does the investigator know? What does he not know? These thoughts distract attention, make you nervous, that is, as a result, they again work for the benefit of the investigation.

3. Technique “against each other”. Using the suspect’s “comrades” who supposedly “have already confessed to everything” is a very popular method of pressure. So, one arrested person is taken into a room and asked to write his biography. Then his accomplices are led past the same room: “Look, he’s already writing on you.” And at the same time they sarcastically declare: “Why are you pretending to be heroes? Everyone who could has already admitted everything. Who will know whether you are heroes or not. So you will rot behind bars as unknown heroes.” If no information can be squeezed out of one of the accomplices, he is asked to simply say to the second: “I told the whole truth.” Perhaps he didn’t even say a word. But the second one is now completely at a loss; you can take it with your bare hands.

4. Method of repeating questions. Our head is an imperfect thing. Too many details are an overwhelming burden for her. Therefore, the more a person speaks, the more likely he is to get confused. As soon as he forgets at least something from what was said last time, he can be caught in a lie. That's why investigators love to ask and ask again. It’s as if they all suffer from sclerosis... All answers are compared, plus the same technique of clarifying minor details is used. By the way, they catch the suspect precisely on indirect, “insignificant” questions, on things that are easily forgotten. Do you think that your “version” cannot be knocked out of your head with a hammer? You are wrong. There are a lot of ways to make someone forget what was said. You can exhaust the person under investigation with a long interrogation, repeating questions at intervals of an hour or two. Or you can suddenly distract attention, lull vigilance, break the will to resist...

5. Reception of “emotional reaction”. Emotions are a suspect's worst enemy. Very often the investigator’s goal is to cause a strong emotional wave. It will entail mistakes, inaccuracies, and even full recognition.

What an investigator can play on:

· On jealousy: “Are you sitting here while your friend and your wife are having fun?” (And what difference does it make if it’s a lie? Bluffing is the first order of business here!).

· On a sense of justice: “Is this fair? You sit, and he walks free.”

· On a feeling of hopelessness: “You’ve already been handed over” (a fake interrogation report is attached). “Look at how many people are sitting, they also considered themselves smart, just like you. They also said: the first commandment is not to inject yourself. And where are they all now? All our prisons are full!” (pronounced with a pleased gleam in the eyes).

· On antipathy: “Look what kind of scum you've messed with! Is this your circle? They will sell their own mother! You’re a good guy, not like these scum of society.”

· On a feeling of revenge: “This bastard sold you out, and you feel sorry for him!”

· Feeling guilty: “How could you do this to your brother!”

· On the feeling of fear: “You will get a “tower”!” (Even if the defendant does not face anything other than a year in prison...) “Do you know what kind of prisons we have?? We’ll put you in the same cell with the perverts, then you’ll find out...” A popular technique: in the midst of an interrogation with passion, one of the policemen flies into the office: “Come on faster! It’s time for us to go to the shooting range.” Fear and confusion sometimes force a person to say what he did not plan to say at all.

6. Exhaustion Technique. If a person is tired or simply does not expect a trick, it is much easier to “break” him. It’s no secret that our investigation loves hours-long interrogations, “pounding water in a mortar,” and returning to the same thing. Did you think this is just how it's done?

Acceptance of uncertainty. Many people do not tolerate the unknown well. Delaying the start of the interrogation, the mystery of what is happening, omissions and hints often act worse than physical punishment. The information vacuum is very mentally exhausting.

The technique of surprise. Investigators love “hot pursuit” interrogations. The person has not yet had time to gather himself and consult with the defender - it’s time to get everything he needs from him. That is why sometimes, despite everything that is written in the law, they try to delay a meeting with a lawyer until the last minute.

Pounce technique. The calm conversation is gradually coming to an end. This is the time to turn around and ask the key question in a completely different tone. The interlocutor has already relaxed, and the investigator will easily find out the most important thing....

Let's remember Commissioner Columbo from the television series of the same name. Already leaving after boring “idiotic” questions, he returned two or three times and again asked some “nonsense”. The suspects were glad that he had finally fallen behind and they could relax, then they became furious at his impudence and... made mistakes. At the same time, both in appearance and behavior, he portrayed himself as such a fool, asking stupid and naive questions. His famous raincoat and equally famous car of an unknown breed only strengthened the impression of “stupidity”. He himself appealed to the sense of superiority of his interlocutors and constantly complimented them. And as a result... I learned everything I needed. Yes, a good investigator is a good psychologist.

The "good investigator - bad investigator" technique. Even five-year-old children know about this technique. Two “different” people alternately speak to the suspect. One is bad, angry and rude. The other one is good, kind, affectionate. It would seem that there is no need to fall for the bait. But no! The suspect is exhausted, he is simply “drawn” to a nice and good investigator. He cooperates and awaits sympathy, promises, encouragement... Even if this does not work out right away, he will be crushed by the psychological swing “from good to bad” and the illusion that one investigator does not know what he told the other.

Reception of the game with evidence. If the investigator has something to show the suspect, he does it masterfully. Sometimes the evidence is shown “in ascending order”, the psychological pressure increases and the suspect quickly confesses to everything. If the person under investigation is an impressionable person, he is immediately shown the most compelling evidence: even a bloody knife found in the bushes, or even a signed testimony of an eyewitness to the crime. Very often, no other evidence is required after this.

Reception of mental struggle. As you know, in any person “the devil fights with God.” And in certain situations, it is enough for the investigation to prove to him that his “legend” will fall apart like a house of cards with one touch. And along the way, the suspect is told how good he is, how much good he has done before, how high his authority is and how stupid it is to ruin all this by lying once. After which, under a plausible pretext, he is left alone with his thoughts. And very often the mental struggle ends in favor of the investigation...

Acceptance of legend assumption. As you know, adults lie wisely. And other adults, that is, investigators, pretend that they allowed themselves to be fooled. They smile and nod, supposedly completely trusting the suspect. Then they begin to go into detail and ask questions. And not one or two, but fifty, seventy, a hundred questions. Even if the defendant had time to think through the legend in all its details, he is not able to foresee everything. This means he will have to make up something on the fly. He has no right to say “I don’t know,” because then the credibility of his version will be undermined. The details invented are instantly forgotten, and catching the deceiver is a piece of cake. In addition, the investigator can suddenly pose an “acute” question without changing the timbre of speech or tone of voice. The suspect is lost (after all, everything went so smoothly and calmly!), does not immediately understand what happened, and gives himself away completely.

But even the most effective methods of psychological pressure have no effect without asking the right questions. Investigators are masters of the art of questioning! Every question here is double-lined. Among the completely neutral questions, you come across the right ones, about indirect details. Also, with the help of questions, the investigator seeks to direct the testimony in the right direction. Sometimes he suggests choosing “either-or”. Or it provides the opportunity to choose, but in such a way that the answer “yes” seems most preferable. And sometimes it leaves no choice at all: “One of two things. Either you killed or you stole!” There are also suggestive questions. If you directly tell the suspect: “Did you kill?!”, it is very possible that he will immediately break down and sign the report.

But remember: don’t lose your presence of mind, don’t give up: investigators have their little tricks, and you have your civil rights!

Chapter 3. SAY A WORD ABOUT THE POOR VILLAIN

(Lawyers)

What is a “good lawyer”?

This is a question that you must answer for yourself when fate drives you into a corner, and when you remember the bitter “from the scrip and from prison - do not swear.”

How will most ordinary people answer this question?

A good lawyer, unlike a bad one, can ruin a criminal case. The bad one only collects papers, certificates, in short, he just imitates work. He, like everyone else, also needs to earn his bread. Often lawyers themselves say: “Nobody needs the truth.”

The first word that is related to lawyers and, at the same time, gives rise to a lot of associations is Defense. Protecting your rights, your property, your loved ones, and sometimes your life.

“Protection” is a word that in our aggressive reality is associated almost with physical action, pressure and fighting qualities. That is why the lawyer who rips throat for his client at the trial will be considered good by the majority of ordinary people.

Confident tone, intensity, any form of emphasizing one's own respectability, competence and infallibility - the key to successful work with clients. By the word “successful” we do not mean, as it may seem, the success of legal proceedings - that is, winning the case. You can lose the case. Success is that the client, even if he is not satisfied, is certainly must consider that he The lawyer did everything possible.

The fulfillment of these commandments begins at the stage of familiarization with the case from the words of the client: “I am familiar with such cases, I know how to help you, I will try to do everything possible, but your case will require special effort..." and, often, a story of a similar case with a successful completion is given.

1. Every step should be endowed with great meaning.

Competent and respectable people do not do small and meaningless things) and therefore, any little thing is presented as something very significant: “I talked to the investigator today and pointed out to him the significant (in fact, nonsense or meaningless) mistakes in your case!”

2. Routine and obligatory conversation is presented as something “special”, plus “I’m all about work! I’m doing my best for you!”.

How much do you and I understand about the intricacies of jurisprudence, the Criminal or Civil Codes? I think no. I even think that many judges, being up to their necks in work, do not know all the intricacies of the Law - there is no time to delve into them. It would be a sin not to take advantage of this. And, often, bluffing lawyers force even judges (and even their less experienced colleagues) to believe in the existence of certain “mistakes”, inaccuracies, nuances unknown to the opposing side. The defendant will be imbued with respect, the judge or an incompetent colleague will also feeling of guilt(“How did I not know such a thing!..”).

And then, when the decision has already been made, or the case is lost by the misled party, the opposing lawyer feels or finds out the true state of affairs, he is unlikely to want to “spit on his bald head” a second time and admit his squared incompetence. It will be easier to find an excuse for a stupid court decision and your own mistakes, and properly justify them with documentation...

This technique works especially effectively when the lawyer on the other side is not a regular lawyer, but an “invited” or new one and, therefore, cannot know all the nuances of the case. He, as a rule, gets lost and asks to postpone the matter. This has an extremely negative effect on the court, especially if you comment on its confusion with sincere surprise: “Didn’t they tell you about this? ...Haven't you seen this document? ...It’s strange how, with your extensive experience, you did not see this document and did not ask your owners for it. It is directly related to the issue at hand.”

This technique can unsettle even a very experienced lawyer.

It happens that in the reasoned part of the court decision, where the arguments of the parties were set out, rules of law appear that were not present and which were not referred to by either party. For example, in an arbitration court, minutes of the court hearing are not kept at all, and it is impossible to restore the picture of the discussion.

Experienced lawyers often use the technique " Bluff”, pretending to read, openly distort the rules of law on which they base their position. And strangely enough, the court believes this. The judge makes a short decision (“yes” or “no”) at the hearing, then writes a detailed justification within five days.

Judges often make decisions on the spur of the moment, under the hypnotic influence of one of the parties.

The court simply does not have enough time to rummage through the rules of law. Allow 15-30 minutes to think about the decision. After this, the judge is obliged to read out a short decision on the merits of the dispute, or to postpone the case (time pressure mode). The judge can only adjourn the case up to three times. Therefore, the decision is made under the persuasive influence of one of the parties and can be emotional. And since in the five days that the judge is given to write the reasoned part, he can write anything, but he cannot change the decision itself.

As you can see, it works here time pressure technique.

If judges use the time pressure technique, it is necessary to tactfully remind about the principles of fairness and equality of parties in court proceedings, and talk about “objectivity”.

“Your Honor, I think that your objectivity will not allow you to retire to make a decision without fully hearing the positions of the parties, especially since you are an experienced specialist and cannot help but see that our provisions on this issue cannot but influence the decision on this matter "...

“Dear court, I think that we should not violate the declared principles of fairness and equality of the parties...”

Most decisions are made by the court emotionally.

It is only in books that there are doctors and lawyers “equally concerned about the welfare/justice of others, regardless of their personal qualities, abstracting from their emotions. We are all human, and we cannot be free from emotions, especially when it comes to our own complexes.

Lawyers know this better than anyone and use it for emotional pressure on judges, jurors, witnesses, their colleagues on the opposing side and other participants in the process.

They say to their female colleague: “You don’t look good today! There is a stain on your dress."

To the judge, the old maid, the bigot and the “upholder of morality”: “Your honor! Does this person, who, as we have learned, leads a very dubious lifestyle, have the moral right to accuse my client of what he did? »

To the jury: “Gentlemen! My client is a simple person like you. Imagine your loved ones in his place, would you want them to suffer the same fate that the respected Mr. Prosecutor asks for? »

No matter how sophisticated people they all are, no, no, the lawyer will touch some chord.

It's no secret that many judges hate lawyers.

Apparently, because in their eyes, people who administer justice, lawyers appear as prostitutes who defend scum, obviously guilty scoundrels and similar evil spirits for money. In a word, those who paid. Therefore, choosing the key to the judge is a very important point. A technique as old as the world is in use: “ we are with you - One field of berries"For example, fellow countrymen, people of the same circle, fellow lawyers.

Knowing about the judge’s weaknesses or complexes, you can play on them and try to arouse in the judge a feeling of sympathy for yourself and your client.

It is also important to “put pressure”: to show that you are a strong lawyer, who has “certain forces” behind him, that you will fight to the end and, if necessary, will go through the authorities. Judges are often afraid that a confident, strong lawyer will send the case to higher authorities for review. Who wants to get involved?

to the client: “I’ll break myself into pieces for your sake!” You see how I give all my best"

judge, jury: “I care for the cause of Truth! See how excited I am!”

or both: “See how competent I am! »

Excited or tired jurors can easily make a mistake (remember “Resurrection” by L. Tolstoy), but the task of emotional influence force to do necessary error.

At the same time, it’s a good idea to disable the attacker, a colleague of the opposing side.

We have already talked about the emotional side of the impact. But there are still techniques of distraction, unsettling and social mimicry.

For example, you can ask a colleague for her only fountain pen “for a minute” and not rush to give it away, so that she will get nervous and miss something important or make a mistake.

It’s not a bad idea to accuse a novice colleague of incompetence: “You’re a professional and you understand perfectly well that what you just said was stupid!” "(unsettling).

You can pretend to be a fool (mimicry) and start saying obvious nonsense - the other side will relax, deciding that they will win the case with such an idiot, their arguments, the strength of which they now do not really care about, become weaker and at this time they are dealt a decisive blow.

You can also lull your colleague’s vigilance by offering him help, guardianship, a better job, and at the same time creating in him a certain “immunity” to attack, a kind of projective feeling of guilt: “How much do they pay in your company?” Not much! I could offer you a more interesting job.”

Erotic manipulation of both colleagues and judges is a classic of manipulation in general. She doesn't need any special comments.

Unfortunately, it is not so uncommon for a judge to be directly bribed by an interested party's lawyer. Moreover, it is easier for him to do this than for the relatives of the accused.

Two series of techniques are called psychological karate and psychological aikido.

In the first case, rude pressure is used: a series of questions, interrupting - “this is not relevant” (although it is very relevant), “everything is clear here, you don’t have to continue”, asking questions like “yes” or “no”, when In fact, it is simply impossible to answer that way.

In aikido the tactics are more subtle. The lawyer agrees with most of the arguments of the opposing side (especially if they are really strong and there is no point in denying them). The attacker's attack gets bogged down in pleasantries. And here, against this background, counterarguments are presented, the inaccuracies and inconsistencies of the case are shown.

At the same time, a lawyer is courtesy itself. You can also seat a lawyer’s colleague in an inconvenient place, where it is impossible to properly arrange the documents, and take a comfortable one yourself.

Increasing the waiting threshold.

Let’s say the lawyer clearly sees that the case will last for a maximum of five years, and, taking into account many mitigating circumstances, the court will give three. He tells the client that the whole eight years are waiting for him, but he, the lawyer, “will achieve mitigation.”

By raising the expectation threshold, he simultaneously kills several birds with one stone: he increases his professional authority, shows concern for the client, and insures himself against failure.

Unfortunately, today the time for beautiful performances has passed. Judges are no longer affected by incendiary emotional speech. Apparently cynicism and a decline in general culture, in which rhetoric in itself has always been valued, have taken their toll. Only the jury can be moved by emotions. Things go better with judges if the lawyer finds "punctures" in the case: inconsistencies, shortcomings, contradictions, weak arguments - and builds his defense on them.

Acting out to the side.

But what to do when the business fails? How to implement reception removing the blame from yourself?

The best - shift the blame onto the client himself.

“You are to blame for hiding important (in fact, trivial) information from me! ...You behaved wrongly...You lied...Be grateful that they didn’t give you more....”

You can blame the “complexity”, “specialness” of the case: “Your case is an equation with many unknowns” (acting out to the side).

Can beat for pity: “I tried so hard, you saw it!” (And you don’t feel sorry for me!) It’s all the judge’s fault...” (at the same time it is also transfer of blame to the side or acting out to the side).

Memo.

Let us once again list the techniques and psycho-complexes involved in the work of a lawyer.

· Paternalistic model of building relationships, that is, subordination to the point of suppression. Firstly, as the most suitable for post-Soviet culture, and secondly, as the most manipulative. It includes:

Þ patronizing, “fatherly” manners, turning into direct pressure; confident tone, peremptory, assertive.

· Giving a “special” meaning to all, even minor or routine procedures and actions.

· Imitation of enormous effort.

· Personalized manipulation: playing on complexes, gender differences, prejudices.

· Mimicry (pretending to be more stupid than you really are, presenting yourself as a “man of the people”).

· General manipulation:

Þ appeal to feelings of guilt, duty, conscience, fear, pity.

Þ “unsettling” through distraction, rudeness (shock methods).

· “Increasing the expectation threshold” technique.

"Acting to the side."

We are sure that everyone has encountered rudeness, rudeness and arrogance in their life. Sometimes someone's thrown remark can ruin your mood for the whole day. In order not to leave such behavior unpunished, not to harbor anger and resentment, you need to learn how to respond competently to insults. In this article we will tell you how to behave in a situation where someone is trying to insult you, and we will give several psychological techniques that will help you put a person in his place. In addition, let's talk about what phrases can help you achieve results.

Phrases to help overcome disrespect

Any insult and arrogant attitude towards someone indicates that for some reason the person is trying to show his superiority over other people. If you want to competently respond to rudeness addressed to you, we recommend using the phrases discussed in this section.

Why do you think so?

With the help of such a simple phrase, you can make a person understand the reasons for his behavior. He will definitely think about the correctness of his opinion. This way, you can let him know that his judgment is incorrect, and he himself is captive to stereotypes.

You know, my dad too...

This phrase may seem quite strange at first glance. However, if used correctly, it will pacify any boor. Most often, people make fun of those who differ from them in some way. This could be nationality, appearance or musical preferences. If you understand that a person is becoming openly rude and trying to offend you, then we advise you to say that one of your loved ones also belongs to the group of people that your opponent is trying to insult. In this way, you will make it clear that all his comments are extremely offensive to you. Another option is to say that someone close to your abuser belongs to the category in question. In this case, the spiteful critic will have no other options but to apologize and shut up.

Do you realize that there are other points of view?

Remind your interlocutor that there are other opinions that also have a right to exist. Point out to him that his point of view may be wrong. If you have information on the topic under discussion, then try to clearly and clearly convey to the offender all the arguments that will refute his statements. You need to speak in a calm voice. If your opponent has at least some common sense in his head, he will stop behaving this way.

if a person acts unfairly and behaves arrogantly, is openly rude and resorts to insults, then he must be immediately put in his place, at least it should be said that this is unacceptable and no one will allow him to continue this chaos

Why are you better?

Arrogant people who like to insult others believe that they are better than others. If you feel that a conflict is brewing, then try asking your interlocutor about what he sees as his superiority. Most often, people cannot clearly formulate an answer to this question; instead, they try to move the conversation in a different direction, or even end it altogether.

I hope this was your last statement

This phrase can be called rude, but it will help you stop the quarrel. You need to say it in a firm voice, without breaking into a scream. Then your offender will lose the desire to continue the dialogue. It is worth noting that the statement can be modified depending on the mental abilities of the opponent.

Do you realize how disgusting you look when you say that?

With the help of such a statement, you will help a person look at himself from the outside. He probably doesn't think his speech could offend anyone. With such a phrase, you will let the offender know that you find his opinion extremely radical, and his behavior completely unacceptable.

Psychological techniques

In order to put the offender in his place, you need not just learn a couple of phrases. It is important to understand in what situation they can be used. In addition, you must be aware of the motives for such actions towards you. However, there are several psychological techniques that can be called universal.

Silence

There are situations when they deliberately try to anger you and provoke a conflict. In this case, you cannot respond to attacks. Try to refrain from any comments. Remember that silence is the most powerful weapon. By leaving all the sarcastic comments of the offender unanswered, you can remain calm and avoid a quarrel. While your opponent, on the contrary, will be furious with such a reaction on your part.

Smile

Oddly enough, this method of combating arrogance and rudeness is extremely effective. Try not to react to any comments addressed to you; instead, smile at the spiteful critic. This way you can save your nerve cells and also put your opponent in an awkward position. It is extremely difficult to continue a conflict with the person who smiles warmly at you.

Agreement

Another effective psychological technique that will help put the insolent person in his place is agreeing with all his statements. Don't try to respond to barbs, but simply nod in response to all comments. This method guarantees you a great mood, but it will confuse your opponent.

Sight

Many people underestimate the power of the gaze. Very in vain. Believe me, if during a conflict situation you try to look at the offender with a sympathetic gaze for some time, he will lose all interest in continuing the argument with you. In this simple way you can morally destroy the insolent person.

In this article, we talked about ways in which you can fight back against an offender without sinking to his level. We also talked about phrases that can help you reduce conflict to a minimum. Remember that by mastering this art, you will be able to keep your nerves and calm.