Good day, dear readers and guests of the Personal Growth and Self-Development blog!
In today's article we will talk about how to overcome shyness and self-doubt. All people at least once in their lives have experienced a feeling of shyness in one situation or another. But there are people who still suffer from this problem. Shyness, timidity, and lack of self-confidence prevent us from creating our life the way we want it to be.
You can overcome your shyness in various ways, which we will present in today’s article. If you are a tense person, unsure of yourself, shy of various situations or people, then today’s article how to overcome shyness especially for you. We have prepared 10 proven methods for you that will solve your problem.
Introduction:
To get rid of embarrassment, you will need to work hard on yourself. Nothing will come on its own if you don't take any action. For something to happen, you first need to take even a small action that will lead you to your cherished goal. In your case, the goal is to get rid of shyness.
- Constraint is limiting attitudes in a person’s head that prevent him from developing harmoniously. For a person to become truly satisfied with himself, he needs self-confidence and good self-esteem, without this there is no way.
So, 10 Main actions on how to overcome shyness:
Action #1: Analyze yourself
First, determine what you are ashamed of. Write down on a piece of paper all your insecure actions or situations in which you feel shy. Are you unsure of your personal opinion, appearance, voice, are you afraid to express what you think? The main cause of your embarrassment is you yourself, not the world around you. After you have identified your weaknesses, we proceed to the next step.
Action No. 2. Reflections and thoughts
Know that all people think more about themselves, and not about your personality. Most people who are shy or unsure of themselves think about what others will think of me if I do this or that action. Know that other people don't care what you do or don't do. This is your choice, your life. Stop thinking about what about you.
Action #3: Communication
If you are shy in communication, start communicating. Yes exactly! If you close yourself off from the outside world, nothing good will happen. Start communicating, ask questions, and listen to your interlocutor without interrupting, this is the main thing. Most people like to constantly talk about something, and especially about themselves, this is how people are made. You can be a renowned communicator if you listen without interrupting. Unsure of communication? Communicate! By overcoming your fear, you thereby fight shyness.
Action #4: Your Strengths
All people have their pros and cons. There are simply no ideal people. There is no such person who would consist only of merits, and there is no such person who would consist only of shortcomings. People are not perfect, and we have room for improvement. Throw away your negative sides and focus on the positive sides of your personality. Constantly work on yourself.
If you don't like your figure, go in for sports! You do not like ? Develop it! Don't you like the clothes you wear? Earn money and buy a new one! Everything is very simple, the main thing is the desire to work on yourself and improve. When a person develops, he thereby expresses self-confidence, embarrassment disappears, . Develop your strengths and focus on positive intentions.
Action No. 5. Strong weapons!
Friends, this is perhaps the most powerful and incredibly effective action that will help you not only overcome embarrassment, but also give you what you want. You have a pen and a piece of paper. Sit down and write only positive beliefs about yourself. For example: I am confident, I always have money, I easily realize my desires, goals and dreams, I am a full-fledged person, I am successful, I am positive. Write what you want to see in yourself.
Make up as many positive beliefs as possible. Now put your list in a visible place, and read it three times every morning, loudly and with emotion. This exercise is very strong. It will help you structure your personality the way you want. Remember! Everything we think about most is what we are. This exercise was founded by the school of Vladimir Dovgan, whoever knows him will understand what we are talking about. Remember? To change something in yourself, you only need a small step! The main thing is to act, don’t put it off until later!
Action #6: Your Resilience
Be confident in any situation. Straighten your back, walk straight, look forward, breathe deeply, speak loudly and confidently. The way you behave, people will create you in their heads according to this template, as they say, sticking a label on you. These are the rules of our social world. Don't be afraid to show yourself for who you are. Show off your personality! Surely alone with yourself you feel confident and relaxed. So what is the problem, behave the same way with other people and in any company.
Action No. 7. Your successes
Start celebrating your victories over yourself! Shyness is the same self-doubt and low self-esteem. To increase your self-esteem and gain self-confidence, mark your victories in your personal success diary. What could it be? For example: You wanted to get your body in good shape. After three months, you've done it! Record your victory with emotions in your personal success diary. When we achieve our goals, our to a very high level, leaving behind the constraint.
Action No. 8. Fears
In the best possible way how to overcome shyness, are steps towards your personal fears. Are you afraid of something? Go to what you are afraid of! This is the best remedy that gives you a tremendous boost in your self-confidence and self-esteem. Fear is just an illusion. Fear is caused by negative experiences, or negative beliefs. Do you want to overcome shyness? Go forward !
Action No. 9. Your style and appearance
Find someone you know who knows about appearance. Agree with him on the style of clothing that suits you. We feel much more confident if we wear clothes that we think are expensive and beautiful. Good and high-quality clothes will give you self-confidence, which means that your embarrassment will evaporate.
Action #10: Take the audition
Are you a shy person? It's not a problem! There is an actor in each of us who knows how to adapt to any situation. Take on the role of your favorite movie actor, where he/she plays the role of a confident and successful person. Look at how he/she walks, how he speaks, what he does in a given situation. Now take on this image and throughout the day do what he did in the film. Those actions, actions, voice, gestures, take everything upon yourself. You will see how not only your embarrassment disappears, but also . Feel like you are being filmed, it will give you an unforgettable feeling. After all, you should feel relaxed and confident on camera.
Brief summary of the article:
In today's article how to overcome shyness we learned what it takes to gain self-confidence and get rid of the problem of embarrassment. The main aspects we talked about today:
1. Identify your weaknesses and develop them.
2. Stop thinking about what others will think of you. It's a waste of time and effort.
3. Talk to people. Be open.
4. Focus on your strengths. Show them to people.
5. Make a list of positive beliefs and read them every day.
6. Be persistent and confident.
7. Celebrate your successes.
8. Face your fears.
9. Pay special attention to your appearance.
10. Take on the role of an actor. Stay in this state for one day.
I wish you success! Positive emotions and all the best in life! Good luck!
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P.S. Video about the item "Action No. 5. Strong weapons"
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Shy people always suffer from their shyness. Even if they don't realize it. Moreover, as a rule, they do not turn to specialists precisely because of shyness.
This vicious circle does not allow them to become free people and improve their own lives. Although many argue that shyness has its own charm...
What is shyness and self-consciousness - where did it come from and how do they manifest themselves?
The term “shyness” refers to the lack of opportunity to clearly and openly, without fear, express oneself and declare one’s interests.
Typically this condition develops based on "little man" complex, in which this person feels guilty for the inconvenience caused to others, considers himself uninteresting to society, and so on.
But, if you dig even deeper, shyness goes hand in hand with cowardice, self-doubt, fear, complexes and false modesty.
Video: Shyness is the cause of failure
False shyness - or true shyness?
It is important to distinguish true shyness from! When a person is embarrassed because the shameful actions required by the situation are beyond his moral boundaries, this is decent shyness and completely normal behavior.
It’s another matter when a person’s shyness begins to take the form of noticeable self-doubt - this phenomenon definitely needs to be fought.
If not on your own, then with the help of specialists.
The main causes of shyness usually include:
- Fear. Fear of rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding, etc.
- Cowardice.
- Low self-esteem , lack of self-confidence.
- Dependence on other people's opinions and self-doubt.
- Presence of complexes.
- Closed character , isolation.
- Loneliness, isolation from society . Lack of basic skills necessary for free communication.
- Genetics and parental example . Shy, complex parents most often have equally shy, complex children.
- Experienced psychological trauma , fear of communicating with others.
- Abundance of criticism in the family , constant humiliation and life in prohibitions, “Puritan” upbringing.
- Ignorance.
Studying the causes of shyness, we can confidently say that shyness is based primarily on human complexes, internal tightness caused by specific factors. And the question - to treat or not to treat shyness - disappears by itself.
If we are not talking about behavior that is normal for a well-mannered and worthy person, which is expressed in healthy embarrassment as a reaction to one or another “unhealthy” situation, then we are talking about shyness, which can and should be eradicated, gradually changing it to self-confidence, the right to speak, think and act as your heart and head tell you.
Is shyness always a disadvantage: negative and positive aspects
The advantages of shyness include the following advantages (if we talk about shyness as a side of character, and not the result of psycho-traumas and complexes):
- Shy people are highly sensitive people . Their friendship and love are always strong and unbreakable. If a shy person found the strength to trust and open up, it means he raised his “visor” and let his feelings fly freely. And the power of a closed person’s feelings is always powerful, and this “tsunami” is preceded (mandatorily) by a thorough analysis of whether it is really possible to open up and trust a partner (friend).
- Shyness makes a person more cautious , which means more attentive and less vulnerable.
- A shy person is self-critical and is able to form a more adequate assessment of one’s own self.
- Shyness strengthens family relationships and even enhances the fullness of sensations in intimate life (many men note excitement, which is caused by a woman’s shyness).
- Shy people are often classified as secular, sophisticated, aristocratic . Shyness puts a person in a favorable light - as serious, modest, not causing harm or pain to other people, and incapable of “dirty tricks.”
- Shy people are more selective in their choice of friends. and social circle in general.
- Shy people listen more and talk less. , avoid conflicts, are cautious and picky.
- Shy people don't stand out from the crowd , they seem to wear masks of shyness that allow them to remain anonymous.
Among the disadvantages of shyness:
- Without a certain amount of arrogance and assertiveness, it is difficult to make your way in this world.
- Shy people find it difficult to climb the career ladder - they are simply not noticed.
- The personal life of shy people is a separate issue. For the same reason.
- Despite the love of men for shy girls, in reality they often pay attention to relaxed and confident ladies.
- Shy people don’t know how to say “no,” which is why they are often given extra work, borrowed money and not paid back, and so on.
- A shy person has great difficulty solving problems that require communication with strangers.
- Shy people are often deprived of the classic joys of relaxation because they are too shy to sing, dance, or express their emotions in general. And emotions that are not released in time will one day group into severe depression and neurasthenia.
- Shy people are too vulnerable and too sensitive; they react very painfully to any reproach, criticism, or comments about their shortcomings.
- Shy people are closer to the world of illusions - fantasies, dreams, movies and book novels - than the real “cruel” world. The consequence is the lack of an adequate assessment of reality as a whole. A shy person who is unable to adequately evaluate people and relationships often becomes a victim of deception and more serious actions.
Video: How to Stop Being Shy? | Shyness
How to overcome shyness in 10 simple steps - tips that really work
To fight or not to fight shyness?
Definitely - fight! Moreover, if it interferes with your life, and you yourself realize it.
How to fight?
Many books have been written on this topic and no less films have been made, but we will highlight the main advice from experts separately - in 10 simple steps to help you cope with this “disease” and gain self-confidence:
- We do what we fear most. Take a pen and write a list of all the situations in which your shyness manifests itself. Let's start with the most serious ones. For example, “perform at the institute in front of everyone,” or “meet a young man on the street,” or “go to a dance school,” etc. Have you written a list? And now, strictly point by point, starting from the very first, we knock out a wedge with a wedge! We are preparing a lecture and delivering it at the institute. Then we meet on the street. Next, we sign up for a dance school, etc. If it’s difficult, you can start from the end of the list, with the easiest situations.
- We keep a diary of observations. Carry a notepad with you and write down every situation that caused you to feel embarrassed or nervous. At home, analyze these situations and analyze why you were embarrassed and what to do to prevent this from happening again. For example: “Situation – ask the driver to stop the minibus; The reason for embarrassment is that people will pay attention; The level of embarrassment is 5 points out of 10,” and now we are looking for a way to cope with anxiety.
- Self-confidence can be faked! Over time, you will get involved, you will like it, and you can be confident in yourself quite sincerely.
- Speak little, slowly and loudly. Train at home. Join a theater club - it liberates even the shyest people.
- Nobody cares about you! Remember this. In fact, people really don’t care what you’re wearing, whether your voice trembles, whether you’re worried, and so on. Therefore, worrying about people who don't care about you simply doesn't make sense.
- Love yourself for who you are. . Confident people don't waste time worrying about being short, having narrow shoulders, not having white teeth, having a burr, or anything else. Confident people accept themselves as nature created them.
- Smile, gentlemen! A smile is always a sign of a confident person. Start in the morning with the mirror. Then smile at passers-by, neighbors, colleagues, and so on. And be sure to look the person in the eyes when you smile. In response, people also begin to smile (in 90% of cases), and your self-confidence will grow by leaps and bounds along with your mood.
- Sign up for sections and clubs , where you will be forced to communicate with people and constantly fight shyness.
- Attend group thematic trainings , which are carried out for shy people to help them cope with shyness.
- Change your environment often. Travel constantly. Create situations for yourself in which you have to go beyond your usual boundaries and get out of your comfortable shell.
Video: How to finally stop being shy?
And also...
- Look for motivation! For example, career. Or a loved one. Or the dream is to dance tango on stage.
- Analyze your life and find the reasons for your shyness.
- Learn from other people's experiences in the fight against shyness.
- Develop your sense of humor – it helps to maintain internal balance even in the most extreme situations.
- Fight your fears : study your fears under a magnifying glass, simulate situations of getting rid of fears.
- Do more stupid things and become daring . For example, buy yourself a motorcycle instead of a car. Or sing a song on the balcony in the middle of the night - loudly so that everyone can hear. Change your image radically so that everyone will be stunned by what a fatal beauty you turn out to be. Invite someone you like for a walk.
- Play some sports . Sport not only gives you beautiful shape, but also strengthens the spirit and also raises self-esteem. Immediately sign up for a gym and look for a trainer who will teach you not only how to create a sculpted body, but how to be yourself.
- Constantly ask passers-by how long it is and how to get to house No. 14 . It doesn’t matter that you have a watch, but there is no house number 14 on this street - just ask. Every day - 20-30 times, regardless of gender and age.
What to do if you can’t cope with painful shyness, who should you turn to for help?
Every 10th person on the planet experiences extreme shyness. This every 10th shy guy can only feel relaxed at home, alone.
Of course, it is extremely difficult to cure this “illness” only with sports if the disease has already reached the level of “I can’t call an ambulance because I’m embarrassed.”
Therefore, if your shyness is already crossing all conceivable boundaries, then you need complex and powerful treatment. And you most likely won’t be able to do it without the help of specialists.
Who and what can help you and point you in the right direction?
- Psychologists.
- Specialists who give recommendations remotely – online.
- Group trainings.
- Special books with practical guides.
- Thematic films that charge you with positivity, teach you to fight shyness and set you up for heroic deeds.
Don't try to get rid of shyness in a month. This process can take up to a year. But gradually, step by step, with regular exercises, which have long been written by experienced psychologists, you will get rid of this shortcoming.
Have there been similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!
Communication is the most important part of every person’s life. But at the same time, not all people are very willing to communicate with others. This is largely explained by temperament, because as psychologists have long found out, a person’s character directly depends on his psychotype. But in some cases, communication problems are a consequence of some internal complexes and fears. Let's talk about how to overcome shyness and self-doubt.
How to overcome embarrassment?
Embarrassment is a rather unpleasant feeling that causes a person noticeable discomfort when communicating with others. Each of us encounters this feeling from time to time, but for some people it becomes an integral feature, which in turn is a certain obstacle in life.
If you need to cope with embarrassment, get ready for a lot of work on yourself.
The first step is to analyze what exactly causes you embarrassment: appearance, voice, the need to express your personal opinion, etc.
Then try to accept that most people care only about their own personality. Therefore, it is better to stop thinking about the opinions of others about you.
When you feel constrained, you need to communicate as much as possible without closing yourself off from the outside world. You need to ask more questions, learn to listen to your interlocutor. You should also find a strong side in yourself: play sports, learn to control your voice, change your image. If you are knowledgeable about a specific topic, find people to whom you can give advice and talk about your experience.
If you feel very embarrassed, you should train at home to be more confident. It is necessary to monitor your posture and gait, learn to speak correctly and look good. You can imagine yourself as an actor rehearsing a role. Over time, you will get used to this behavior and will no longer be shy.
Some psychologists advise dealing with your own shyness in the following way: find a person who is more shy than you, and start communicating with him, helping him overcome his problem.
Psychologists also advise resorting to the method of positive beliefs. Take an ordinary piece of paper and write on it your positive aspects (including those that you would like to see). At the same time, write all sentences in the affirmative form. Not “I’m not shy,” but “I’m confident.”
How to overcome self-doubt?
Lack of self-confidence is also a fairly common problem for many people, which prevents them from trying new things, growing and developing. But it is quite possible to cope with it.
The first thing you need to do is stop reproaching yourself for shortcomings in appearance and a variety of mistakes. Learn to smile at your reflection several times a day and give it at least three compliments. If there are visible flaws in your appearance, correct them, visit the gym, cosmetologist, makeup artist, stylist, hairdresser, etc.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. After all, only those who do nothing make mistakes. And on the way to success and the top, everyone periodically falls and rises, makes mistakes and corrects them.
If you feel great at your place of work and surrounded by familiar people, but are very afraid of change, resort to the following advice from psychologists. Once every two or three days, start doing something completely untypical for yourself: walk down the street in a bright dress, visit the gym, go to the cinema yourself (unaccompanied) and, finally, tell your boss about your innovation proposals.
At the same time, be sure to keep a diary in which you will record all your changes and successes. Also, do not forget about analyzing the mistakes you have made.
To cope with uncertainty, try writing on a piece of paper a list of all the worst horrors that can happen to you when communicating with other people and at work. Also list all the possible intrigues of others (employees, etc.) with whom you are forced to communicate, and all your possible inconveniences from such intrigues.
Next, take another sheet and list in it the maximum number of positive points that you can acquire for yourself by eliminating your fear and uncertainty.
Place both leaves side by side and analyze. Finally, decide what is more important to you: an impartial assessment of others (possible in fact only in theory) or success in life, peace of mind and general psychological balance? Burn the leaf with the negative and scatter the ashes to the wind, and put the important and positive list under glass and do not forget to re-read it regularly.
If you want to say goodbye to insecurity, be sure to learn not to think about what makes you feel bad and anxious. If such thoughts do not change your life at all, why waste your nerves on them. Just draw the appropriate conclusions and put the situation out of your head.
Also, do not be afraid to offend other people: if necessary, defend your boundaries and interests, remaining, of course, within the bounds of decency. And don't forget to respect the boundaries of others.
If you feel that you cannot cope with embarrassment and self-doubt on your own, seek advice from a qualified psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will help you find the roots of this problem and suggest methods for its effective correction.
We determine our own behavior and habits. However, a person sometimes has no control over such a feeling as shyness.
Usually, those who have to be in society for a long time and work with people experience an urgent need to overcome constraint. After all, feeling like a fish in water surrounded by people is much more pleasant than experiencing constant discomfort and excitement.
How to overcome shyness? often worries not only teenagers, but also adults who strive to establish normal relationships with the opposite sex. Our article is suitable for everyone, regardless of age.
But before we talk about how to remove shyness, you need to think about the reasons for its appearance, which is what we will do now.
Reasons for shyness
It is known that shyness is completely unusual for children. Kids chat with adults without the slightest embarrassment and are interested in their peers. This leads to natural questions. Why are so many adults so withdrawn and insecure? How to overcome shyness and self-doubt? How to stop being timid and what are the reasons for excessive modesty?
Some scientists have come close to studying this problem. But they were divided on the nature of shyness.
One group of researchers is confident that shyness is not an innate quality, but acquired against the background of various traumatic situations. For example, a person, while still a child, showed initiative in communication, but was faced with rejection or an aggressive reaction from his interlocutor. Then the likelihood that this person will be withdrawn as an adult increases significantly.
The second group of enthusiasts is ready to prove until they lose their pulse that shyness begins in the womb.
Another possible reason for discomfort during communication is a lack of social skills. A person simply does not know what to talk about with his interlocutor, how to convey information to him, and this makes him shy and acutely aware of his inferiority. From that moment on, he literally puts a label on himself that says, “Be careful, I’m shy!” and, importantly, believes that he is shy.
As for psychoanalysts, they see the main cause of shyness in the internal struggle occurring in the introvert’s psyche.
The opinion of sociologists on this issue cannot be called trivial - they believe that society itself gives rise to insecure people, creating various rules and patterns of behavior.
Sometimes even the above factors are not needed in order to develop stiffness and shyness in a person. It is enough for the child’s parents or other adults involved in raising the child to repeat day after day: “You are too shy,” and his personality will be formed in accordance with their words. The child will grow up to be an insecure person, shy and withdrawn.
The situation is only aggravated by the fact that children very often compare themselves with their peers and come to the conclusion that they are inferior to them in many ways. Of course, this is a mistaken belief. However, if you constantly compare yourself with others, you unwittingly move away from the truth. The child becomes an adult and simply does not know how to get rid of shyness.
How to stop being a shy person? We have selected 15 of the most effective tips that will help you become bolder in communicating with people.
- Always take time to reflect on the nature of shyness and its symptoms that apply to you. Under what circumstances is this feeling strongest? What triggers bouts of shyness? How do you think we can get rid of it?
- Stop thinking that every passerby is judging you. Understand that constantly looking back at other people’s opinions is a pointless exercise. Better do some hard inner work - devote your free time to thinking. While you are thinking, do not identify yourself with your thoughts and feelings. Watch your reactions and one day you will realize that you are more than your emotions. Then your whole life will change, you will stop being shy about people and will be able to cope with self-doubt.
- Remember - there is something to love you for. Find good qualities in yourself and, if necessary, record them on paper. When you feel bad, remember the strengths of your personality.
- Observing others is another way to help you learn how to communicate well. It is especially effective when communicating with people to combat self-doubt. Every time you are told something, pay attention to the meaning of what was said, and do not think about how to stop blushing. It would be useful to think about what good you think is in this person.
- Breathing very often reveals a person’s condition. If he is alarmed by something, then it is intermittent and shallow. But know: you are able to control your emotions! And proper breathing will help you with this. Simply breathe deeply and consciously, closing your eyes if necessary.
- The previous exercise can be slightly complicated to make it more effective. To do this, in addition to consciously inhaling and exhaling, count and don’t think about anything. Counting will help you even out your breathing. At the same time, try to make the exhalation a little longer than the inhalation - each time increase the duration of the exhalation by one second. The exercise should be performed for 2-3 minutes to stop being shy around people.
- Where there is timidity, there is always tightness, a concentration of energy in one direction. But the energy must flow. Let her out. Move around, jump, dance - anything to avoid being inactive. This way you will not only remove internal blocks and clamps, but also provide yourself with a great mood for the whole day. And a person in a good mood, as you know, believes in himself and his strengths, he ceases to be shy.
- Another technique, meditation, is borrowed from Buddhism. But despite this, adherents of any religion can practice it. And all because it is very effective and absolutely safe, and in addition, it is extremely simple. Place yourself in any position so that you feel comfortable. Use a relaxation technique - mentally “feel” your entire body from the tips of your toes to the top of your head. Soon you will feel a pleasant warmth spreading throughout your body. After this, start observing your breathing.
- People with a good imagination will find it useful to familiarize themselves with the following technique that will help overcome shyness. It's called "visualization." To do it, take a comfortable position on a chair or bed. Turn on some calm music that evokes pleasant thoughts. Once you feel that you are relaxed enough, imagine yourself in the desired place and situation. Feel like a confident, relaxed person. Concentrate on your sensations - on what you see, hear and touch. But all the above actions are not enough to ensure that in reality you remain who you imagined yourself to be. You must also retain in your memory everything that you have imagined, down to the smallest detail. If you did this, then have no doubt - the image you fantasized will become part of your real life. In this way, you will consolidate in your subconscious a new vision of yourself, a different way of behavior in different situations.
There is hardly anyone who has not heard of such a concept as self-suggestion, otherwise called affirmation. The mechanism of its work is based on the powerful energy that any spoken word possesses. Whatever you say, it all does not disappear into thin air, as many believe, but is written in the subconscious of the speaker.- If you are an insecure and shy person, then you need to change your thoughts and behavior in situations where you feel uncomfortable. Change your opinion regarding such situations. If you previously considered them something burdensome for yourself, then in order to become self-confident, replace your thoughts with the opposite ones. Think of these circumstances as another opportunity to face your weaknesses and fight them.
- To stop being shy about people, don’t think badly about your personality and don’t reproach yourself. Accept yourself for who you are and don't give up on yourself. Then it will be much easier for you to get rid of modesty.
- Perhaps the most useful advice for those who have already worked through all the previous exercises is to deliberately create difficulties for themselves. If you previously avoided them, then from now on feel free to meet them halfway with your arms wide open! Make sure there are an infinite number of them. Indeed, often behind anxiety in such circumstances lies banal self-doubt. It seems to you that success is out of reach, and troubles are nearby, just waiting for you to let your guard down. But when you do the opposite, don’t shy away from “problems”, but look for them, then you become as courageous as never before. In addition, if you show willpower, you will come to a belated realization that you were working yourself up in vain. Most likely, at the very beginning, out of habit, you will feel nervousness, but over time, not a trace of it will remain, just like shyness.
- On a separate sheet of paper, make a list of those situations when you feel like a fish out of water. After that, start looking for new friends and acquaintances who have something to do with what you have planned. It could be a new hobby, travel, in general, anything.
- Shift your attention from gloomy and anxious thoughts about the future to the present. Whatever you do - talking, walking, reading - do it mindfully.
Don't strive to be like other people. Do what you like, and then you will become more confident and relaxed.
The above methods for combating shyness and self-doubt, when used correctly, can work real miracles. But, before you start doing all the exercises in a row, it is advisable to draw up an individual plan for working on yourself with a psychologist that is right for you. And then the desired result will not take long to arrive.
Video: how to overcome shyness
From time to time, every contemporary person experiences a situation when he feels shy. However, for one person, moments of excessive shyness occur very rarely, while another person is forced to suffer from excessive timidity and tightness all his life.
An overly shy person experiences extreme discomfort: she cannot demonstrate her abilities. The prospects for building a successful career are closed to her. It is very difficult for her to build friendships and create a strong family.
Often a timid person is forced to play by someone else's rules, because he is unable to express his point of view and defend his own opinion. Often such notorious and timid people are drawn into criminal machinations; they become victims of assertive and decisive manipulators.
What are the causes of pathological shyness, how to overcome shyness once and for all, is described in this article.
Why shyness occurs: reasons for excessive shyness
The presence of abnormal shyness in a person in most cases is explained by the constant pressure of destructive internal factors. The main reasons for shyness are various irrational fears, obsessive doubts, logical fears, and painful anticipations of misfortune.
A shy person’s behavior is unconsciously guided by self-imposed restrictions and invented prohibitions. Such a negative internal state is strongly reinforced by erroneous conclusions, illogical decisions, and distorted opinions. First of all, a timid person is captivated by false beliefs about her own potential: her abilities, talents, capabilities.
All kinds of fears, suspicions, taboos, limits, uncertainties and other garbage that lead to shyness are a heavy burden from personal history. Almost every timid and intimidated person has had traumatic situations, unpleasant events, and stressful conditions in the past. It was these destructive phenomena that helped to accept, nurture and consolidate incredible stiffness and painful shyness. It is negative personal experience and misinterpreted life events that firmly support excessive modesty and abnormal timidity. 
Shyness is manifested by a person’s experience of feelings of uncertainty, indecision, and awkwardness when certain situations occur. Various factors can trigger a surge of shyness. This includes the presence of strangers, meeting new people, and meeting some outstanding personalities.
Confusion can be triggered by circumstances in which a person does not understand what steps should be taken, how to act correctly, in which direction to move. As a result, the individual is simply lost, losing his already dilapidated moral core.
Shyness quickly transforms from a short-term experience into a dominant character trait. Such a negative modification is often observed when a person does not want to notice and does not plan to correct his own shortcomings. When an individual is accustomed to existing with personal flaws, he does not want to develop and improve. Then shyness and bashfulness become firmly entrenched in the subconscious as the only acceptable and easiest behavioral model.
A good reason for the development of pathological shyness is inadequately low self-esteem of the individual. If the subject does not value, respect or love himself at all, then he is not able to consider and appreciate his own merits. The individual simply ignores his advantages and loses his individuality, merging with the submissive faceless mass of other embarrassed individuals.
The conditions in which a person spent his childhood years play a huge role in the formation of painful shyness. This includes the atmosphere in the family circle, the situation in the social environment, and the quality of relationships with peers. Unresolved childhood problems, lack of parental attention, physical or mental abuse are good reasons for the emergence of a feeling of inferiority and inferiority.
How to overcome shyness: 12 steps to get rid of excessive shyness
How to get rid of shyness? Every person should remember: timidity and bashfulness are not at all a “death sentence”. If a person has the right motivation, the individual sincerely strives to show individuality and wants to realize his potential as fully as possible, then overcoming shyness is a completely feasible idea. What should you do to eliminate excessive stiffness? Let's proceed with the following steps.
Step 1. Analyze the characteristics of your personality
How to overcome shyness? First of all, we admit that we have a problem; shyness occurs in our character. There is no point in deceiving yourself and assuring that the awkwardness will go away on its own.
We clearly define who exactly we are shy about and in what situations shyness overcomes us. We record on paper all the circumstances under which we felt constrained. We establish what deprives us of confidence: ambiguity of our own opinion, vagueness of desires, unclear goals. We find out what unsettles us: appearance, manners, gait, timbre of voice.
We remember: the origins of shyness lie in our inner world, and are not the result of an “unfair and cruel” reality.
Step 2. Eliminate dependence on other people's opinions
One of the good reasons for shyness is dependence on the opinions of others. We are so worried about what others will think of our actions. We are afraid to hear criticism addressed to us.
It should be remembered: other people tend to think more about themselves, and not worry about our character traits. In most cases, those around us are absolutely indifferent to what our opinion is and what our plans are. Other people are concerned about the structure of their own personality, so they are not particularly interested in what kind of mess we are stewing in now.
Therefore, we stop worrying about what others think of us. Determining our life path is our personal choice.
Step 3. Recognize our individuality
How to get rid of shyness? It is necessary to recognize: each person is unique, and begin to develop individuality. Understand that there is no such person as we are and never will be.
We should realize our inner essence and identify our characteristics. We must establish exactly how we differ from those around us, what abilities and talents show us in a favorable light. To begin to achieve our own goals and plans, we need to establish our true value.
Our goal is to learn to respect and value ourselves, because others are simply unable to accurately assess our inner essence. Recognizing your own uniqueness is an important step towards complete liberation from shyness.
Step 4. Form a positive opinion about yourself
One of the most powerful and incredibly effective methods that can overcome shyness is making positive statements about yourself. On a piece of paper he writes down short positive constructions addressed to himself. We formulate statements in the form of statements in the first person. For example:
We pronounce the statements from the compiled list loudly and clearly in front of the mirror at least three times a day.
Positive statements addressed to oneself help not only overcome shyness, but are also able to structure the personality as we wish.
Step 5. Developing your strengths
Each individual has its own pros and cons: it is impossible to find a perfect person in all respects. It is impossible to find a person who showed complete merit. Also, there is no person whose character consists only of shortcomings.
We discard our unattractive qualities, concentrate our attention and constantly work on developing strong positive aspects. We transform flaws into advantages. If we are not satisfied with the proportions of our figure, we can go in for sports and find an attractive body. If we are annoyed by our own appearance, we experiment and create a unique image. If we are infuriated by the current deplorable level of income, we are not afraid to try our hand at a new field.
The main thing is not to focus on defects, but to act to eliminate them. When a person engages in self-improvement, he gains self-confidence. Painful embarrassment will certainly leave a strong and courageous personality.
Step 6. Educate yourself
Nothing can eliminate abnormal shyness as quickly as a person’s conscious desire to expand the limits of his own intellectual abilities. An individual who courageously gnaws on the granite of science, masters a new foreign language, learns the basics of an additional profession, and in a short time gains adequate self-esteem.
Group or individual classes, the acquisition of new knowledge and skills create a sense of self-confidence and reward a sense of significance. Therefore, we try to expand our horizons, to learn more than we already know.
To eliminate shyness, it is necessary not to stop at the achieved stage of development, but to move forward every day to new achievements.
Step 7. Eliminate irrational fears
It is impossible to overcome shyness and shyness if a person’s thinking and behavior are controlled by illogical obsessive fears. A frequent culprit of excessive shyness is an abnormal fear of communication, fear of being in a large group.
We must take a step towards pathological anxiety: try to establish the cause of the worries and recognize that our personal fear is just a painful illusion. In most cases, abnormal anxiety is caused by personal negative experiences or is a consequence of negative beliefs.
It is necessary to reconsider the destructive components in the way of thinking and adjust the “life program” to a positive wave. If it is difficult to independently identify “errors” of the subconscious, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist.
Step 8. Sharpen your communication skills
We cannot overcome shyness if we consciously avoid people, close ourselves off from the outside world, preferring to exist alone. We should definitely start contacting other people and expanding our social circle. Of course, the first steps in socialization will not be easy, but over time we will master the secrets of full communication and hone our communication skills.
Where to start to get rid of shyness? To begin with, we make it a rule: greet neighbors and acquaintances, addressing them with a friendly smile. When communicating, we listen carefully to the interlocutor, do not interrupt his monologue, and ask questions on a topic that is interesting to him. We give compliments, sincerely admire his outlook, and show that communication with such a competent person is valuable to us.
We remember: no matter what field we operate in, it is advisable to fully interact with other people. We should take the first steps to meet each other and master the skills of fruitful communication.
Step 9. Improving your image
A common cause of shyness is dissatisfaction and irritation with one's appearance. We have the power to radically change our image.
First of all, you should start leading a healthy lifestyle: get enough sleep, eat right, and do not ignore physical activity. We can visit a beauty salon: get a stylish haircut, achieve fresh-looking skin, get a manicure and pedicure. We should review our wardrobe and get rid of the junk that has been clogging our closet shelves for years. We leave only those things that favorably emphasize our figure.
We are guided by the golden rule: it is better to have five expensive and high-quality items of clothing and shoes than to stock the entire assortment of second-hand goods in your apartment. We remember that a well-groomed appearance and neat clothes give us confidence and determination.
Step 10: Showing Confidence
Even if we are scared and awkward, in any circumstances we must demonstrate confidence and independence to others. Straighten your shoulders, raise your head, take your eyes off the floor and look forward. Breathe calmly and deeply. We get rid of fussy gestures and chaotic movements. We speak clearly and loudly enough.
A decisive attitude and calm behavior will not give a chance to put unpleasant labels on our personality. We remember what pattern of behavior we display in front of others; other people will evaluate us by this criterion.
Step 11. Recognize our successes
How to eliminate shyness? We begin to celebrate our smallest successes and achievements. We start a triumph diary: every day we diligently record personal victories in it. We are not ashamed to acknowledge even tiny gains. We thank ourselves for the work we have put into our own development and self-improvement.
Recognizing personal achievements is a great way to improve self-esteem, gain confidence and get rid of shyness. Every small victory is a big step forward towards true freedom.
Step 12. Getting used to the role of a successful hero
How to overcome shyness? We get used to the role of a fearless and successful hero. For a few days we take on the image of a confident person, which we can borrow from a famous actor or politician. We try to imitate his facial expressions and gestures, and speak with the same timbre of voice. We imagine that our every action and deed is being filmed on a video camera.
A short period of imitation of a decisive and authoritative person will allow you to develop effective self-control. Daily practical training of the desired qualities will consolidate the desired model of behavior in our inner world and eliminate shyness.
Instead of an afterword
The problem of how to overcome shyness and timidity is a completely solvable question. We should not withdraw into ourselves and avoid people: we should be active and energetic.