In everyday life, conflict situations often occur between people due to differences in temperament. This is due, first of all, to a person’s excessive emotionality and lack of self-control. emotions? How to “get the upper hand” over your own feelings and thoughts during a conflict? Psychology provides answers to these questions.
Why do you need self-control?
Restraint and self-control are something that many people lack. This is achieved over time, constantly training and improving skills. Self-control helps to achieve a lot, and the least of this list is inner peace of mind. How to learn to control your emotions and at the same time prevent intrapersonal conflict? Understand that this is necessary and gain agreement with your own “I”.
Control over emotions prevents the conflict situation from worsening and allows you to find someone with completely opposite personalities. To a greater extent, self-control is necessary to establish relationships with people, no matter business partners or relatives, children, lovers.
The influence of negative emotions on life
Breakdowns and scandals, in which negative energy is released, have a detrimental effect not only on the people around them, but also on the instigator of conflict situations. How to learn to restrain your negative emotions? Try to avoid conflicts and not succumb to provocations from other people.
Negative emotions destroy harmonious relationships in the family and interfere with normal personal development and career growth. After all, few people want to cooperate/communicate/live with a person who does not control himself and starts a large-scale scandal at every opportunity. For example, if a woman cannot control herself and constantly finds fault with her man, which leads to serious quarrels, then he will soon leave her.
In raising children, it is also important to restrain yourself and not give free rein to negative emotions. The child will feel every word said by the parent in the heat of anger, and will subsequently remember this moment for the rest of his life. Psychology helps to understand how to learn to restrain emotions and prevent their manifestation in communication with children and loved ones.
Negative emotions also have a great impact on business and work activities. The team always consists of people of different temperaments, therefore self-control plays an important role here: negativity can spill out at any moment when a person is put under pressure and required to do overwhelming work. And instead of the usual dialogue where the parties can reach a consensus, a scandal develops. How to learn to control your emotions in the workplace? Do not react to employee provocations, try to start a casual conversation, agree with your superiors in everything, even if the assigned tasks are difficult to complete.
Suppression of emotions
Constantly restraining yourself within certain limits and preventing the release of negativity is not a panacea. Suppressing accumulates negativity, and therefore increases the risk of developing psychological diseases. Negativity must be periodically “thrown out” somewhere, but in such a way that the feelings of other people are not harmed. How to learn to restrain emotions, but without harm to your inner world? Go in for sports, because during training a person spends all his internal resources, and the negativity quickly goes away.
Wrestling, boxing, and hand-to-hand combat are suitable for releasing negative energy. It is important here that a person mentally wants to give vent to his emotions, then he will feel relief and he will not want to take it out on anyone. However, it is worth considering that everything should be in moderation, and overwork during training can provoke a new influx of negativity.
Two ways to control your emotions:
- Do you dislike a person so much that you are ready to destroy him? Do this, but, of course, not in the literal sense of the word. At the moment when you feel uncomfortable communicating with him, mentally do whatever you want with this person.
- Draw a person you hate and write down on a piece of paper next to the image the problems that appeared in your life thanks to him. Burn the sheet and mentally put an end to your relationship with this person.
Prevention
How to learn to restrain emotions? Psychology gives the following answer to this question: to control your feelings and emotions, prevention is necessary, in other words - emotional hygiene. Like the human body, his soul also needs hygiene and disease prevention. To do this, you need to protect yourself from communicating with people who cause hostility, and also, if possible, avoid conflicts.
Prevention is the most gentle and optimal way to control emotions. It does not require additional human training or specialist intervention. Preventive measures allow you to protect yourself from negativity and nervous breakdowns for a long time.
The main thing is that it helps you gain control over your emotions - over your own life. When a person is satisfied with everything in his home, work, relationships, and he understands that at any moment he can influence all this and adjust it to himself, then it is easier for him to restrain the manifestation of negative emotions. There are a number of preventive rules that help manage your own feelings and thoughts. How to learn to control your emotions and manage yourself? Follow simple rules.
Unfinished business and debts
Complete all planned tasks in a short time, do not leave the work unfinished - this can cause delays in terms of deadlines, causing negative emotions. Also, “tails” can be reproached, pointing out your incompetence.
In financial terms, try to avoid late payments and debts - this is exhausting and prevents you from achieving your goal. Understanding that you have not repaid a debt to someone causes negativity and helplessness in the face of current circumstances.
The absence of debts, both financial and other, allows you to fully spend your own energy resources and strength, directing them to the realization of desires. A sense of duty, on the contrary, is an obstacle to mastering self-control and achieving success. How to learn to restrain emotions and control yourself? Eliminate debts in a timely manner.
Cosiness
Create a comfortable workplace for yourself, equip your home to your own taste. Both at work and at home, with your family, you should feel comfortable - nothing should cause irritation or any other negative emotions.
Time planning
Try to make smart plans for the day, strive to ensure that you have a little more time and resources to complete your tasks than you need. This will avoid the negativity associated with a constant lack of time and worries about the lack of finances, energy and strength for work.
Communication and Workflow
Avoid contacts with unpleasant people who waste your personal time. Especially with individuals who are called “energy vampires” - they take up not only your time, but also your energy. If possible, try not to interact with overly temperamental people, since any incorrect remark directed in their direction can provoke a scandal. How to restrain your emotions in relationships with other people? Be polite, do not exceed your authority, and do not overreact to criticism.
If your job brings you nothing but negative emotions, then you should think about changing your job. Earning money to the detriment of your soul and feelings, sooner or later, will lead to a breakdown and disorder of mental balance.
Marking boundaries
Mentally create a list of things and actions that cause you negative emotions. Draw an invisible line, a line that no one, even the closest person, should cross. Create a set of rules that restrict people from communicating with you. Those who truly love, appreciate and respect you will accept such demands, and those who resist these attitudes should not be in your environment. To communicate with strangers, develop a special system that will avoid violating your boundaries and creating conflict situations.
Physical activity and self-reflection
Playing sports will bring not only physical health, but also mental balance. Spend 30 minutes to 1 hour a day on sports, and your body will quickly cope with negative emotions.
At the same time, analyze everything that happens to you during the day. Ask yourself questions about whether you acted correctly in a given situation, whether you communicated with the right people, whether you had enough time to complete the work. This will help not only to understand yourself, but also in the future to eradicate communication with unnecessary people who cause negativity. your own emotions, thoughts and goals allows you to fully develop self-control.
Positive emotions and prioritization
Develop the ability to switch from negative emotions to positive ones, try to see the positive sides in any situation. How to learn to control emotions in relationships with family and strangers? Be more positive, and this will help you overcome your own temper.
The right goal is a great help in achieving self-control. When you are on the verge of a surge of negative emotions, imagine that as soon as you stop being nervous and paying attention to provocations, your dreams will begin to come true. You should choose only realistic, achievable goals.
Environment
Take a close look at the people around you. Is there any benefit from communicating with them? Do they bring you happiness, warmth and kindness, do they make you happy? If not, then the answer is obvious; you urgently need to change your social circle, switch to individuals who bring positive emotions. Of course, it is impossible to do this in the workplace, but at least limit yourself from communicating with such people outside the work space.
In addition to changing your environment, expanding your social circle will help you develop self-control. This will give you new opportunities, knowledge and a positive charge for a long time.
Have you noticed how you react to troubles? Most often aggressive? Don’t you think that these troubles are becoming more and more frequent? That they choose you specifically to hit you harder? And the more aggressively you react to your surroundings, the more negativity there is around you.
Isn't it time to stop? Otherwise, any trouble, obstacle, failure, any sideways glance or harsh word will lead to you being overwhelmed by an uncontrollable wave of rage, destructive and merciless.
The main cause of aggression is fear. In animals, aggression is an instinct that manifests itself during an attack, when life is threatened, or when protecting young. But a person is a rational being, and must be able to curb his fears and not allow hostile feelings to spill out. How to do this? How to learn to restrain yourself without harming your health?
Rice. How to react to troubles?
As soon as you feel anger coming on, say to yourself one of the words that will help you stop: “Stop!”, or “Calm down!”, or “I am completely calm (calm)!” You can simply count to ten. Try to breathe slowly. After this, you need to think about the situation and try to understand the true reason for the aggression. After all, it can be completely different than the one that lies on the surface. Honestly admit to yourself what exactly irritates you, only this will bring the best effect.
Further steps depend on the degree of your anger. Try to relax. If possible, you can drink soothing tea (but not coffee!) and turn on calm, quiet music. You can try a massage. A friendly conversation, a walk, or sleep often helps.
But if the excitement is too great, then you can find another way out: you need to take on some physical work that requires a lot of energy and strength. At first you will work with frenzy, but gradually you will notice that aggression leaves you.
To combat your own aggressiveness, you can use or engage in simple self-hypnosis. First of all, you need to teach yourself to treat all life situations not as a disaster, but as a surprise, an unexpected obstacle, an opportunity to stop and think, or simply turn back. (“This is tragic, but we must continue to live”, “Mockery is unpleasant, but if I get offended, they will mock me even more”, “It’s not very pleasant, but it could be worse”, “As long as I don’t think about it, I’ll do something others”, “We need to think about what to do”).
For self-hypnosis, it is best to use short, clear phrases, unambiguous in meaning, having the nature of a conviction or an order. “I can handle it”, “Get together and finish the job”, “I will succeed”, “I did everything that depended on me.” Do not forget that phrases should be positive, they should not deny, but affirm. For example, if you say: “I am not afraid of difficulties,” you will not be able to overcome the fear of them. It is better to say: “I will overcome difficulties.”
You select the words for the self-hypnosis formula individually. Nowadays they offer many different auto-training formulas, but it is better to choose for yourself what helps you. It could be a simple word, for example, “Everything!”, but if it helps you calm down and make a decision, use it!
Of course, you won’t be able to get by in life completely without aggression. But if you conduct several such trainings, you will soon feel that you can completely control your feelings, hostile outbursts of energy will become less frequent and weaker. This means that you will save your nerves, and the attitude of others towards you will improve.
There is hardly a single person in the world who has never encountered trouble. Unfortunately, our life does not always resemble a holiday; sometimes it happens that problems come one after another, forming a chain with no end in sight.
Troubles at work, loss of a job, problems with a loved one, betrayal of loved ones, unexpected financial difficulties, deception - all this can happen at some point; unfortunately, it is impossible to insure against this. What can we do? Learn to react correctly and accept any life situation, try not to aggravate it. It is not simple. But, if you want to get out of crisis situations as quickly as possible, then you simply need to acquire the ability to react correctly.
First, remember the last time you were seriously worried, perhaps you didn’t sleep for several nights, or cried. Try to return to that point and understand why exactly you were so killed? Because of the problem itself or were you driven by other feelings? Perhaps most of what upsets you is not the essence of the unpleasant situation, but the way you react to it.
Secondly, we must always remember the ancient truths: “Everything will pass, and this too will pass.” It’s stupid to argue with this; everything really always passes, including evil. Any trouble that may happen to you is temporary. After some time, you will forget that you once spent so much nerves and tears. “What if there’s a disaster?” you ask. Forget this word altogether. There are no disasters. Definitely not in your life, because in our world there is nothing absolutely bad or only good.
Step 1: Stop Worrying
So, taking into account the first two points, we offer step-by-step instructions on how to respond to failures. As soon as we learn that something extremely undesirable has happened, we begin to worry. Run it endlessly in your head and constantly think about what happened. We lose sleep and appetite. Of course, experiences are normal, but think about it, what is the driving force behind your experiences? In other words, are your experiences bringing you closer to resolving the situation? In most cases no! But quite the opposite: while we are in the acute phase of experiences, we cannot begin to take reasonable steps towards exiting the situation. Therefore, while you are tearing out your hair and tormenting your soul, evaluate when you can stop. Give yourself a day or two to worry, and it will be quite enough. Often you worry not because of the situation itself, but because of resentment towards someone, towards yourself, towards an evil fate. You feel like this shouldn't have happened to you. Treat it differently. In life, things happen sometimes. Imagine your problem as a natural phenomenon. The rain does not choose when and on whom it falls, it just falls on itself and that’s it, and no one is offended by nature when they get caught in the rain. It’s the same with your misfortune, this is not fate’s intention specifically against you, this is the normal course of life.
Step 2: Work on your attitude
If you manage to take control of your emotions and stop throwing ashes on your head, this is almost a victory! Now all that remains is to learn to think positively. Set yourself up for success, just believe that everything will be resolved in the best possible way! And believe in it with all your heart! Don't forget that there is always a way out, find it. If you believe in the best and in yourself, then there will definitely be a way out!
Step 3: Develop a Plan
If you succeeded in the first two steps, congratulations! They are the most difficult! Having learned to think more or less positively, just ask yourself the question: yes, this is the situation that has developed, this is not a problem, and not a disaster, this is my new reality. What do I want at this moment? What is my goal? What do I need to do to achieve this goal? With a cool head, you can build a real plan of action, by taking which you will resolve the situation, if it can be resolved, or adapt to it, if it is not in your power to resolve it.
Step 4: Realize and Record
Awareness. Well, it’s absolutely aerobatics if you manage to learn sober lessons from the misfortune that happened to you. What kind of mental “tattoo” will I give myself so as not to get caught in advance?
Of course, it's not all that simple. Many people for years cannot learn how to react correctly to troubles, most often because they simply do not try and do not recognize the problem. If you nevertheless decide to work on yourself, then know that you can do anything, because our possibilities are endless!
We live in difficult times. We constantly have to process a large amount of information, both negative and positive. TV, the Internet, social networks, information from other people - all this influences us, most often becoming a breeding ground for anxiety and fear.
5 rules that will help protect you from negativity every day
1. Set your boundaries
Do you have your own territory where you can do what you want? Do you give yourself enough time to think about “you”, do you allow yourself privacy to fill your space with what you love? If you don't make an effort to mark your territory, the world will do it for you. Indeed, upholding boundaries requires some aggression and not everyone may like it, but as a result, there will simply be nowhere for bad news to be absorbed; there will be no place for it in your life.
2. Distance yourself from negativity
Each of us is able to tolerate a limited number of feelings. Often we completely merge with current events or deeply sympathize with loved ones, but the psyche has a limit. A large amount of negativity can dull sensitivity and increase nervousness, resulting in problems with sleep. You may find yourself stuck on the same channel, scrolling through social media or checking email non-stop. These are all clear signals to take a break. Stop, breathe deeply, put down the TV remote control or tablet, feel your body. Describe the real situation for yourself: “I am alive now. This is what is happening in my country. This is how it works in my family. This is my reality,” as if distinguishing oneself from the flow of information, separating from it.
3. Be selective in your contacts
4. Stick to daily rituals
It sounds banal, but it works flawlessly. To protect yourself from negativity, restore routine things that you can do day after day. This will make you much more psychologically stable. Don't stop drinking morning coffee with a friend before work. Also, continue to take your child to kindergarten and read him a bedtime story, go for a run in the morning, feed the neighbor’s puppy, and prepare breakfast for the whole family. I advise you to value your rituals and do them with love. You can create your own list of “useful rituals” and constantly add to it by sharing with friends. And if necessary, turn to it, as if reminding yourself that life goes on and there are a huge number of pleasant things in it that make every day happy.
5. Remember creativity and humor
As we know, our ability to cope with stress depends on how creatively we can approach our lives. It is important to learn to be flexible, try to change some old habits. Instead of news, turn on music, instead of social networks, go to the website of a city art gallery, instead of morning exercises, dance. If you suddenly had to listen to a portion of aggression from a loved one, do not rush to get angry in response. Offer to “suck the poison out of him” or say something like “well, you just gave it away, you’re a villain!” It's not that hard to make your life a little happier and turn something serious into a joke.
Be mindful of yourself and what you let into your life. Where we direct our energy is what we get as a result.
adminConstant stress and unpleasant moments lead to fatigue and irritation. In such a state, it is difficult to restrain yourself and not react to the barbs of acquaintances and the comments of colleagues. Yes, and jokes from friends are perceived differently. Accumulating irritation, a person explodes at any little thing: standing in a traffic jam, household noise, rudeness of the seller. Every person needs to let off steam. But often raising the tone, screaming and irritability spills over into the people closest to you. Then I become ashamed of my behavior, I am tormented by remorse, and I am overcome by thoughts of why I could not restrain myself. How to learn to react calmly to everything?
Nerve cells do not recover, everyone knows this. But, in reality, they do not care about their health and allow frequent outbursts of anger. By the way, it is necessary to throw out negative energy. The accumulation of negativity contributes to irritation and inappropriate behavior.
When faced with another unpleasant situation, we are unable to contain our emotions. We begin to get nervous, panic and waste. Then urgent resuscitation is required, and energy is expended. By exposing the body to such changes, we do not add health.
How to learn to react calmly to stressful situations?
Learn to react calmly to life situations every day. It is important to break the irritation program and instill a new skill. For extra motivation, look at yourself in the mirror when you're feeling negative. The reflection will surprise you; instead of a sweet image, a face twisted with anger looks at you. This is the kind of person you will be remembered by others, your husband and children. Then smile at your reflection. Compare the two emotions and draw conclusions. Plus, don’t forget that stress and irritability add wrinkles, and laughter prolongs life. Make the right choices.
February 11, 2014