How to become an interesting person to others? Focus on your own individuality and don't try to copy anyone. Many people who want to become more interesting to others are forgotten, being obsessed with their desire. And they begin to imitate their ideal, and not always successfully, completely forgetting about their own uniqueness. And this is the main mistake of many people.
Self-development
If a person is thinking about how to become an interesting person to others, then there is a high probability that he is not very versatile. This is true? Then you need to start actively working on yourself. In self-development, the main point is to concentrate on your goals and desires, as well as constantly acquiring new knowledge to achieve them.
This process is impossible without self-knowledge, which implies the study of one’s personal characteristics (both physical and mental). It is very important for each person to comprehend himself, after which he establishes himself in those areas of life that are most significant to him. And the more there are, the better. Everything is simple here. The more spheres of manifestation of his personality a person has, the wider his horizons will become, the richer his inner world, the richer his knowledge base. Personality is like a painting. The more details it contains, the more interesting it is to study it.
Popular problem
If a person is worried about how to become an interesting person to others, most likely he simply does not know how to communicate. Lack of communication skills manifests itself in different ways. Some talk about something completely ordinary, uninteresting or banal. Others do not pay attention to the interlocutor, not allowing them to get a word in. Some simply don’t know what to say, and therefore all their speeches are inappropriate. The rest know neither moderation nor tact, and constantly strive to “get into” the dialogue.
And these are not all examples. But the solution for all cases is the same: you need to learn to communicate.
Competent dialogue
Well, how to become an interesting person to others? You need to learn to talk to them! It's not that difficult, just remember a few rules and follow them.
First, you need to be genuinely interested in others. People are more willing to communicate with those who show interest in them. And in most cases they show it in response, giving the interlocutor the opportunity to open up.
Secondly, don't be shy to smile. But only sincerely, not falsely! A kind smile attracts the interlocutor to you. In addition, she shows him that communicating with him brings pleasure and joy.
Thirdly, you must call your opponent by name. It would seem like a simple and ordinary thing. But many have long ago replaced their names with “you”. And in vain. After all, a name expresses individuality.
Also, if a person is interested in something, people should learn to listen. Showing attention is a powerful tool of influence. During your opponent’s monologue, you should not neglect questions, clarifications, or manifestations of emotions. This demonstrates caring. Today a person listened to his interlocutor, and tomorrow he will pay attention to him.
Bringing out your best qualities
How to become an interesting person? There are all kinds of advice, but most recommendations say: you need to be careful and notice every little detail. There is something to talk about with any person, the main thing is to find a topic, the source of which is the interlocutor himself. You just need to take a closer look at it. Did you notice a few hairs on his T-shirt? Then it’s worth casually asking if your interlocutor has a cat. He will immediately become interested in the interlocutor - he will at least be intrigued by the person’s observation skills. And then the topic can be developed. This is where education and reading are needed. People who know a lot are able to easily and imperceptibly move from one topic to another and reason in such a way that it will not be boring. Dialogue with them rarely reaches a dead end. But even if everything has already been discussed, they have a trump card. And these are questions. The kind that can spark a new round of dialogue.
It is enough just to ask what else, in addition to what was agreed, the interlocutor is interested in, or what he would like to do. Even without keeping questions in mind, you can always get your bearings. The question should only show the interlocutor its significance. Few people don't like to talk about themselves. The main thing is to be sincerely interested in them.
Personal opinion
There is one more nuance that every person who cares about how to become more interesting should learn. Tips and recommendations are numerous, and most of them say: you need to remember your own opinion. A person who has a personal point of view regarding something is always of interest if his judgment is objective, justified and reasoned. A person who is able to clearly, competently and accessiblely explain to others his understanding of something, his desires and emotions, is a valuable interlocutor.
And here it is important, first of all, to be able to correctly express your thoughts. Opinions are often shared with people who have different ideas about certain things. Therefore, you need to construct an explanation in such a way that everyone understands the essence and feels the sensation experienced by the opponent.
But that is not all. It is also important not to be afraid to speak up. Some people prefer to remain silent or simply agree in convenient situations. But this quality does not distinguish a person. What makes a person more interesting and colorful is the ability to speak out, especially if he does it competently.
Positive
Cheerful people always make people feel good about themselves. This must be remembered if a person is interested in how to become an interesting person. With a good sense of humor, you definitely won’t have to go to hell. After all, this is a valuable human ability to find something comical in almost every situation.
Plus, it is the ability to joke (and at the right moment) that makes a person the soul of the company. Such people are cheerful and funny, they do not hesitate to appear funny, and it is also not difficult for them to defuse the situation with an appropriate anecdote or witticism.
How to develop this skill in yourself? You need to constantly practice, learn from famous comedians, joke at yourself and laugh at problems. And don’t stress too much. Usually only in a relaxed state does an appropriate joke come to mind. If a person sits in tension and actively thinks about what to say so witty, it usually doesn’t turn out very well.
Openness
How to become an interesting person? For men and women who want to appear more socially attractive, there is one more universal piece of advice. They should be more open, which is sometimes difficult for many.
Socially open people are sociable and sincere. They share their thoughts, feelings and experiences with others. They have no internal barrier that could prevent them from being with people as they are. They do not hide their inner world. And that's what makes them interesting. They can be compared to an open, interesting book that you want to read as quickly as possible. People are attracted to such personalities. After all, many of them would often like to become so open.
How to turn into such a person? Very simple. We need to get rid of masks, stereotypes and stop worrying about what others will say. Then the person will become not only more open, but also happier.
“The strawberries and cream principle”: “Personally, I love strawberries and cream, but for some reason fish prefer worms. That’s why when I go fishing, I don’t think about what I love, but about what the fish love.”
(Dale Carnegie)
If you want to interest someone in you, talk about what interests him (speak the same language with him). The theory is simple and well known to everyone - but how to implement it in practice?
But in practice, it is useful to know that the sphere of interests of your interlocutor is divided into six categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”.
Usually 2-3 topics out of these 6 are a person’s favorite topics - he will discuss them with great pleasure. The rest are not interesting to him, and cause him mortal boredom, - “Well, why talk about this? it doesn’t matter!”
To better understand how this is used in life, let's take a closer look at each type individually.
The cat caught the mouse:
- Do you want to live?
- And with whom?
- Ugh! Even eating is disgusting!
Favorite question: “Who?” People are important to him: who he communicates with, who surrounds him.
Such a person chooses a job based on what team he will join and with whom he will have to interact.
When talking about his vacation, he will talk first of all about the people with whom he vacationed and whom he met.
If he is invited to a party, he will definitely ask: “Who will be there?” He will ask because it is most important to him.
At the headquarters of the missile forces:
- Today we received an order to reduce staff by 10%. Is everyone clear?
- Yes…
- And now the details: I think we should start with Texas, Florida, Alabama...
Favorite question: “Where?” It is important for this person to clearly navigate in space. He usually has a favorite chair or a favorite place at the table, which he tries not to let anyone into.
When choosing a job, the most important factor will be the location of the office and how much he likes his workspace.
When talking about his vacation, he will describe the places he visited and what sights his route passed through.
It will be meticulous to ask about “where the party will be held.” At the party itself, he will be interested in where he will sit at the table, in what place.
One Frenchman is asked:
-What do you like best? Wine or women?
To which he replies:
- It depends on the year of manufacture.
Favorite question: “When?” For such a person, everything related to time will be extremely important.
He selects a new job based on criteria such as a suitable work schedule, how long it takes him to get from home to the office, and the length of vacation.
He will tell you in detail the daily routine in the sanatorium where he rested, what time the train arrived, how many minutes the plane was late and all other details related to time.
Before going to a party, be sure to ask “when does it start? What time will it end? When does the last bus leave?
"Values"
- Doctor, will I live?
- What's the point?
Favorite question: “Why?” It is important for this person that what he does is valuable and useful. He looks for meaning in everything. Talks about his values and beliefs.
Such a person will be ready to work in a team that is unpleasant to him, in the middle of nowhere, spending a lot of his time on the road, if he believes that by working here he brings benefit to people, or some benefit to himself.
He will talk not about how he rested, but about why he went to the sanatorium, what it gave him: “I improved my health, spent at least a little time with my family, made useful acquaintances.”
Before going to a party, he will ask, “How will this be useful to me?”, because the party itself is not of particular value to him.
"Process"
A big lazy cat sneaks home and thinks:
- Now to the tank, from the tank to the fence, from the fence to the pipe, along the pipe to the roof...
At this moment, the pipe underneath him breaks away from the wall and begins to fall.
Cat (indignantly):
- Didn't understand!..
Favorite question: “How?” It is very important for him how he will do something, the sequence of actions that need to be performed. Often uses verbs in speech.
The most important thing for him in work is that the process itself gives him pleasure.
Talking about a vacation: he will describe the sequence of events, day after day: “in the morning we sunbathed on the beach, after that we had lunch, then we slept, then we went to the pool.... The next day we went on an excursion, after that...”
He will be interested in the whole scenario of the party, what will follow what: “and after we have dinner, what will happen? And after we dance? And after we drink tea?
A customs officer looking into a passenger's suitcase from an arriving flight:
- So, dear, let's decide where your things are and where are mine.
Favorite question: “What?”. Such a person pays a lot of attention to things and objects. Often uses nouns in speech.
When choosing a job, he will look at the objects that will surround him: a computer, an office desk, a room... It is important that he likes it.
He will tell in detail about the things that surrounded him during his vacation: “the pool was good, the beach with sand, double rooms, with a TV and a refrigerator...”
He will definitely ask “What will happen at the party?” If it is important for a person of the process type to hear “first we will have dinner, then we will dance, then we will drink tea,” then for a person of the “Things” type it is important to hear “there will be dinner, dancing, tea drinking”
Now the question is “What should I talk to him about?” The solution is quite simple: after listening to the person, you determine his favorite topics, after which you talk to him, trying to fall into the sphere of his interests. If these are “people,” then talk about people. If this is a “place”, then ask where he was, tell him where you yourself are going to go...
To make sure that such an adjustment is important enough, try a couple of times to specifically “outline” the person’s interests. He tells you, for example, “about the people he met,” and you ask him a question from another area: “where did you meet them?”, “When was that?” The person’s reaction will immediately tell you that it’s better not to do this (except for cases when you need to quickly interrupt the conversation)
To test yourself how well you now navigate this “typology of interests,” try answering the questions in the following tests.
Test No. 1
Read what 6 different people say about their vacation. Based on them, determine the type of interests of each person.
|
Person no. |
Statement |
Type of interests |
|
“...Is this really a vacation? Only 12 days. And then: 36 hours to get there, and the same amount back. The only joy is the sea 5 minutes away..." |
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“...The room had everything you needed: shower, TV, refrigerator, kettle...” |
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“...I met Irina Vasilievna there. The most amazing person! She has 12 children. The youngest one is called Anyuta...” |
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“...I was on vacation in the New World, this is the southern coast of Crimea, 10 km west of Sudak. By the way, we lived 200 meters from the sea...” |
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“...As soon as we arrived at the railway station, we were immediately taken to a sanatorium, fed there, and then settled into rooms...” |
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“...I improved my health, and this is the most important thing. The doctors at the sanatorium were good. So, if you want to get treatment, this is the best option...” |
Test #2:
Your friend doesn't want to go to your party. You still want to convince her to come. Decide which phrase you will use for which type of people.
|
Statement |
Suitable for people like… |
|
|
“...Listen, there will definitely be Lena, Katya, Misha, Sergey. Igor is going to drive up with two of his friends. Good company is gathering! Only you are missing..." |
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"…Come! We have an excellent program: first we’ll have dinner, then we’ll look at photographs, then we’ll dance, and at the end we’ll discuss plans for the future...” |
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“...You just need to rest. In addition, you will be able to make useful contacts. And in general, friendly ties need to be maintained..." |
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“...You only have 40 minutes to get to me! And in the evening we will finish early, at about 11 you will be heading back. We haven't seen each other for 2 months!!! When will we meet again?..." |
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“...After all, we are gathering not just anywhere, but at my home! Let's go to the lake, it's nearby. We'll sit you on your favorite easy chair..." |
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“...You haven’t seen my apartment after renovation: new wallpaper, paintings on the walls, an aquarium in the corner, a stereo system...” |
Test No. 3
You came to your boss to ask him for a salary increase. Different bosses need to make different arguments. For each phrase, determine what type of boss it will have the best effect on.
|
Statement |
It will work better on bosses with the type of interests... |
|
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“...I have all the equipment: computers, faxes, phones, printers, scanners, consumables. And the amount of all this goodness is increasing and increasing..." |
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“... I have to travel all over the country, now to Arkhangelsk, now to Yekaterinburg, now to St. Petersburg... I already know these cities better than my own home...” |
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“...Now I have to work a lot with VIP clients: with Elena Vladimirovna, with Arkady Petrovich, with Ivan Vasilyevich... They are complex people, you know it yourself...” |
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“...I come at 9 am, leave at 8 pm... I often have to work on weekends... if I have a vacation, then it’s for no more than a week...” |
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“... First I find clients, then I persuade them to buy, then I sign the contract, fuss with the papers, then I organize transportation, then I resolve warranty issues... the process is complex, God forbid, where you make a mistake...” |
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“... the principle is simple: you pay more, I work harder and better... as a result of the results of my work, you again get more money...” |
Right answers:
|
Values |
|||
|
Values |
Values |
If you answered more than half of the test questions correctly, then congratulations! We can assume that you have mastered such a difficult topic as “typology of interests”!
All that remains is to wish: use the acquired knowledge in practice more often. And then you will be an ideal interlocutor, able to find the key to any person.
How often do we dream of being liked by everyone? And how much needs to be done for this! You need to be funny, interesting, charismatic, and a good listener. The list can go on for a very long time. But here's something worth noting. You can't please absolutely every person. This is simply impossible, and in our article we have already said why.
But if you can’t please everyone, then you can still be a person with whom it’s simply interesting to communicate. This is also not easy and requires many qualities, but at least it is real. And for this you need to follow several rules.
Don't be boring
It is very difficult for us to understand that we are boring at a given moment in time, because each of us considers himself the best in everything. Are you telling an interesting story and you see people yawning? Perhaps this story is not as interesting as it seems. Try to finish it and let other people speak.
The most charismatic people are always good listeners
People love to talk about themselves and their loved ones, and that is why there is always a shortage of good listeners. Let your interlocutor tell you about himself. Ask him counter questions. It's strange, but the people we like the most always say little.
Discuss your interlocutor's interests
This problem is explained very well in Dale Carnegie's book, a review of which you can find. Find out from your interlocutor about his hobbies and ask questions. And discuss them. You are already 80% close to being liked. If you are well versed in the hobbies of your interlocutor, you can easily maintain a conversation. If not, then ask him in more detail. He will tell you with great pleasure.
Rule of 3 stories
People are not interested in the features of your new phone. What really turns them on is the real stories that happened to you. Dramas and reality shows have become popular for a reason. So always have 3 interesting stories to tell. These stories should be exciting, emotional and engaging. People must be wondering what will happen next minute?
Charisma
There is so much meaning put into this word that it becomes difficult to understand what it really means. Some say that you are born with charisma, while others believe that this skill is developed over the years. But here's what's interesting:
A study conducted by two psychologists in 1967 proved that in a conversation, only 7% of attention goes to words. The interlocutor pays the rest of his attention to the tone of speech and body language.
Laugh. Smile. Be emotional. Don't forget about gestures and don't rely only on words.
Chat with interesting people, read interesting books. The people you spend time with greatly influence your character, whether you like it or not. The best way to become interesting is to live an interesting life. And believe me, this will give you much more than just the opportunity to be an interesting conversationalist.
Many people are interested in how to become an interesting conversationalist, what needs to be done for this, what methods, methods and recommendations there are. After all, being excellent and interesting is very useful when communicating; it allows you to be more confident, find new acquaintances, friends, and at the same time become better and more successful.
In this article you will learn how become interesting interlocutor, what are the secrets of psychologists, tips and recommendations to learn how to communicate with all people and be interesting to everyone. We are all different and each person needs a different approach; this article will help you develop this feeling if you apply all the advice in practice.
Learn to listen
To become an interesting conversationalist, you just need to learn to listen to the person who is communicating with you. We all love to talk about ourselves and our problems, and if you lower your ego and allow your interlocutor to express his thoughts and opinions, he will see that you know how to listen and you will become a better interlocutor for him, even if you personally do not know how to communicate either.
Talk about what people need, not what you need
To become an interesting conversationalist, stop being selfish and thinking only about yourself. Start the conversation by solving someone else's problems and end the conversation by solving your problems. Then you and your interlocutor will remain on excellent terms and solve all your and his problems. Many are only interested in their own problems and, as a result, cannot solve anything.
Be like your interlocutor
To become interesting interlocutor, you need to remember that people like people who are similar to them. Therefore, try to adapt to each interlocutor, but at the same time remaining confident in yourself. Copy the voice, tempo, intonation and behavior of your interlocutor and then it will become easier for him to communicate with you and you will find a common language to solve problems.
Communicate with people more often
To become an interesting conversationalist, you need to try, experiment and not be afraid of being rejected. Fear prevents us from communicating with others and, accordingly, our self-confidence decreases. To raise it and become a better communicator, don’t be afraid to communicate with different people, don’t be afraid to intrude and try to help people. Communicate with those who share the same opinions about life with you and are interested in your advice and suggestions.
Use a smile
Support your interlocutor
To become an interesting conversationalist, you need to maintain a conversation and share opinions with the interlocutor. If he is wrong, you don’t have to tell him about it unless he asks you to. Keep the truth to yourself and then you won't offend anyone. But if you need to make a decision and the wrong point of view is imposed on you, you should not hide it. But don't just tell the truth, but turn to facts and evidence. Don't waste time arguing and criticizing.
However, despite the fact that most people can speak, unfortunately, not all of us are capable of being interesting conversationalists with whom other people would like to spend hours of free time, just to hear the next phrase from our lips. So how do we become great speakers who can manipulate, make people laugh and simply make their audience fall in love with just a few of the right words?
Oddly enough, becoming an eloquent rhetorician is very simple, despite the fact that it will take many years to achieve mastery in this craft. The basis of speech that is interesting to others, first of all, is such a concept as “surprise”. Yes, it is precisely because of the ability to surprise listeners with every next sentence that we become interesting and, in a sense, attractive speakers. For example, would it be interesting to watch magic tricks when you knew perfectly well how each piece of the trick was done and what to expect at the end of the next magic act? Of course not! The same thing applies to the ability to speak - you can consider yourself as cheerful a person as you like, but if you tell the same jokes for days that you read in the book “101 funniest jokes”, no one will smile, but will just go listen to the lecture , for example, by rudimentary reflexes or quantum physics in the life of an ordinary person.
The second most important lesson to learn before you start dreaming of becoming a great rhetorician is that you should never try to talk about something you don't know. It is quite possible that you do not have deep knowledge in any matter, except for one. So try to surprise people with what you know on this issue, and do not seek universal recognition by maintaining communication on topics that you have just heard for the first time in your life. Many people ask what to do at a time when a topic that is known and understandable to you cannot be changed, just as you cannot simply remain silent. The answer, as always, is simple - the skill of self-criticism will help you. Simply put, if you are faced with a situation where you are forced to carry on a conversation about something that you do not know, try to take advantage of your ignorance and instead of answering, ask others questions on the topic at hand, you can even try to use your cunning and ask your interlocutors something something on this topic that they will be forced to think about and try for a long time to find an answer, with which you can add a little spice, but also interest to your communication. If you cannot do this, then you can simply translate the question asked to you, in the form of a joke, to some other person in your group.
And finally, the third most important skill that any speaker who is more or less popular in society possesses is courage and the absence of excessive modesty. You always need to remember that when you say something, you are pronouncing words, phrases and whole sentences in front of people like yourself, who can just get up and start talking in such a way that they will quickly forget about you and you will be forced to sit stand aside and quietly sip tea, while some Vasya Petrov from the factory amuses and makes everyone around him laugh, and also amazes them with facts about some machine. Therefore, it is extremely important to remember that as soon as you open your mouth and utter the first sound, from that moment you turn into the king of the celebration and it depends only on you how long it will take before you are overthrown. How should a king rule? Correct - loud, clear, multifaceted, intelligent, and most importantly - fair. Based on this, we will formulate a formula for ideal rhetoric: good rhetoric = loud and clear speech + cultural, unexpected and interesting proposals to others.
Finally, I would like to note that the main thing is not to be afraid to speak and express your personal opinion, since people who are only able to agree with others have never been loved and will not be loved. Even if your opinion completely contradicts the thoughts of others, express everything as you think, and then you will, at a minimum, be respected for your courage to go against others, and if you “demonstrate” your contradictory opinion with the help of a wonderfully delivered speech, then your interlocutors will not say anything bad at all, but will only thank you for the wonderful minutes during which they listened to this magnificent, eloquent speech.