Question to a psychologist
Hello! I’m 34 years old. Currently a housewife (because I recently underwent surgery for a sinus fistula). I don’t even know where to start... since my condition has been with me for a long time... depression.. apathy. panic fear .. and now it has reached the point that I have already suggested that I will die soon ... I consider myself a burden for my husband .... it seems to me that he is suffering with me ... (not long ago I underwent a minor operation and it went away not successful requires repetition) my husband and I live together, we have 2 children... we have no relatives and friends... we always get out of a difficult situation ourselves... (we live in temporary registration... we rent housing... we come across each other every time with difficulties) because of all this....I began to feel unwell....fatigue...pressure.constant thoughts....there is no feeling of ease always in tension.in excitement...constant quarrels in the family.. .as a result, I began to be overcome by thoughts that I was a burden (recently my husband joked in front of me with a friend of mine that if it weren’t for me, HE would have been with her. This made me think even more that this person doesn’t need me. Although he loves me very much and appreciates me and said that he was joking about that situation... but I can’t be convinced anymore, as if a program of uselessness had been launched in me). for my husband.... (I began to impose on myself that I was going to die soon... although I myself am scared by this and I don’t want to think about it, but my condition makes me think about it). Tell me, what is this? What’s happening to me, what should I do next? With respect to you!
Hello, Regina!
If you had not indicated your age at the very beginning, one could assume that you are about 16 years old. You write your name in a diminutive form, your letter is full of dots, symbols of uncertainty and disorientation, you are more worried about whether your husband needs you , and not how your children need you. And this phrase of yours leads me to guess why you feel like a scared teenager:
We don’t have any relatives or friends... we always get out of difficult situations ourselves.
Dealing with the challenges of adult life - relationships, raising children, making money, taking care of your health - while feeling like a scared teenager is really very difficult. But why is it that you feel this way at 34 years old? Maybe because you have never had enough of your family and friends and their care? Maybe this is precisely what brought you and your husband together and this is why it is so scary now, when you can lose this support? And is it so scary that it would be easier to die?
Then your children will also learn what a lack of love is, because nothing can replace maternal care. And if you do not wish this for them, then you need to develop confidence and inner peace in yourself. And the breeding ground for these qualities is a friendly social circle. Find a support group or psychotherapy group in which you feel comfortable, and I think this will help you cope with your current problems. Individual work with a psychologist is also a good option.
Sincerely, Elena Livach, psychologist, St. Petersburg.
Good answer 4 Bad answer 0Regina, good afternoon!
I understand that the stress that you now have to withstand due to various life circumstances is enormous. It seems that few people give you support other than your husband... And your illness may be a reflection of the stress of all family members, not just you. But! Giving up and starting a program of self-destruction is not an option at all. Maintaining such thoughts and states is tantamount to suicide - but can you imagine how terrible this is? In your case, it’s better to let off steam on someone else than on yourself!!!
If you don’t start to value, love and respect yourself again, who will give it to you??? Believe me, only you have the power to make a decision and begin to climb out of this emotional hole. I am sure that you have experience in successfully overcoming difficult situations, and you will also cope with this, BUT, if you make such a decision and begin to step towards the goal. Be sure to remember or find new books, films, anything that motivates you and pulls you out of apathy. (For me, this is the film “The Secret”, a book by M. Norbekov, I’m sure that you also have those..) And do some small thing right now, but so well, so well, so that you feel pride and respect for yourself.
In childhood, self-esteem was the result of the assessments of our relatives. As an adult, self-esteem is the result of your choices and your actions in every moment. If you do something good, of high quality, it increases. If you agree with “so-so”, “not completely”, it goes down.
I would also invite you to fantasize - who and what is a burden for you in life? Where did you hide your second part - the strong, brave, aggressive Regina?
In general, the main idea is that’s it, let’s get out of depression, you are not alone, and you still have so many peaks in life that you have not yet reached, 34 years is just the right age for a new start! All the best to you!
Maria Efimova,
practicing psychologist, coach, Tyumen
anonymously
I am 19 years old, I come from a poor family. I have been working since I was 17 years old. I never suffered from any complexes; my self-esteem was fine. I've been dating a guy for 3 years. Recently he began to communicate with what is called the cream of society. I have to be present with him at all meetings and trips to restaurants, otherwise he gets offended, and I myself understand that it is uncomfortable for him to go to meetings where he and his wife and girlfriends go alone (everyone knows that we are preparing for a wedding). I dress modestly and do not suffer from lack of taste. But these meetings are attended by the wives of very rich and influential people. Almost all females have a disdainful attitude towards me. That is, usually the conversation revolves around who went to which salon, in which boutique they bought things, etc. They often make barbs at me: “It’s not comme il faut to wear things from the market.” Or “I had my manicure done by such and such a master - it turned out terrible. I’d rather do my manicure myself, like Yulia - and it would turn out better.” They often also like to ask me why I don’t go to the solarium, why I can’t fly to Turkey for a bachelorette party. It’s as if they don’t understand that there is no money. At the same time, the male half, on the contrary, like to talk to me, I’m also interested in talking to them. They give a lot of advice on work and are always friendly. But it just so happened that mostly the “girls” sit at one table, and the male half at another. Basically, in my social circle where there are girls like me, I feel great. I even feel successful compared to them - I work, I study part-time, I don’t ask my parents for money. And after such meetings with wives who essentially sit on the necks of rich husbands, I feel like a beggar, which is called inferior. I can’t stop going to such meetings, as it is very important for the guy’s career. He just says that I’m making everything up, and that everyone treats me normally. I really feel like my self-esteem is falling. Give me some advice - how to deal with this?
Good evening! If you feel that your self-esteem is falling for the reasons mentioned above, this indicates that your self-esteem depends on others and their opinions. What is self-esteem? Literally, it is the value that we see in ourselves. Self-esteem is your assessment of yourself, your capabilities, and qualities. In other words, self-esteem is related to how much we value ourselves, not how others evaluate us. How much do you value yourself? Judge for yourself, you work and study at the same time, you make efforts to lay a solid foundation for your future. Any tower can stand on such a solid foundation and it deserves respect and recognition. You are both young, you have something to strive for, and material wealth is a matter of gain; Moscow was not built right away either. And the fact that someone may not like you, remember that you are not fifty dollars so that everyone will like you. Look at it more simply. If they talk about you, it means they remember you, it means you are alive! If they spit in your back, it means you are moving forward and not being dragged behind! Moreover, if men are interested in communicating with you, draw conclusions - you are natural, not artificial, and this is very much appreciated! The most important thing is how YOU feel about yourself, how YOU evaluate yourself, how your boyfriend treats you. This is a new environment for you and your partner, try to adapt and make the most of it. Look for the dividends that can be reaped from associating with these women. Good luck to you!
Consultation with a psychotherapist on the topic “How to get rid of the feeling that you are worse than others.” is provided for informational purposes only. Based on the results of the consultation received, please consult a doctor, including to identify possible contraindications.
About the consultant
Details
Psychologist, full member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League, business coach.
How to get rid of anxiety? This is a very exciting and very popular question among people of different generations. A particularly common request is that people have a feeling of anxiety for no reason and they don’t know how to get rid of it. Fear that cannot be explained, tension, anxiety, causeless worry - many people experience it from time to time. Unreasonable anxiety can be interpreted as a consequence of chronic fatigue, constant stress, recent or progressive diseases.
A person is often confused because he is overtaken for no reason; he does not understand how to get rid of the feeling of anxiety, but prolonged experience can lead to serious personality disorders.
Feelings of anxiety are not always a pathological mental state. A person may experience anxiety quite often in his life. The state of pathological causelessness occurs independently of external stimuli and is not caused by real problems, but appears on its own.
A feeling of anxiety can overwhelm a person when he gives complete freedom to his emotions, which in most cases paints extremely scary pictures. In an anxious state, a person feels his own helplessness, emotional and physical exhaustion, due to which his health may deteriorate and he will get sick.
How to get rid of the feeling of anxiety and worry inside
Most people know an unpleasant feeling, the symptoms of which include: heavy sweating, obsessive thoughts, a feeling of abstract danger that seems to be stalking and lurking around every corner. Approximately 97% of adults experience periodic bouts of anxiety and inner restlessness. Sometimes a feeling of real anxiety provides some benefit, forcing a person to act in a certain way, mobilize his strength and predict possible events.
The state of anxiety is characterized by difficult-to-define sensations that have a negative connotation, accompanied by the expectation of trouble, a feeling of uncertainty and insecurity. The feeling of anxiety is quite exhausting, taking away strength and energy, devouring optimism and joy, preventing you from having a positive attitude towards life and enjoying it.
How to get rid of the feeling of anxiety and worry inside? Psychology will help you figure it out using certain methods.
Method of speaking affirmations. An affirmation is a short optimistic statement that does not contain a single word with a “not” in it. Affirmations, on the one hand, direct a person’s thinking in a positive direction, and on the other hand, they calm well. Each affirmation must be repeated for 21 days; after this time, the affirmation can become established as a useful habit. The method of affirmations is a means of getting rid of feelings of anxiety and restlessness within; it helps even more if a person clearly understands the cause of his anxiety and, starting from it, can create an affirmation.
According to the observations of psychologists, even when a person does not believe in the power of statements, then after regular repetition, his brain begins to perceive incoming information and adapt to it, thus forcing him to act in a certain way.
The person himself does not understand how it happened that the spoken statement is transformed into a life principle and changes the attitude towards the situation. Thanks to this technique, you can redirect your attention and wait for the feeling of anxiety to decrease. The affirmation technique will be more effective in overcoming feelings of anxiety and worry if it is combined with breathing techniques.
You can focus your attention on something positive, such as reading educational literature or watching motivational videos. You can daydream or occupy your thoughts with an interesting activity, mentally create a barrier to the penetration of disturbing thoughts into your head.
The next method for deciding how to get rid of constant feelings of anxiety is quality rest. Many people are concerned about their financial condition, but do not think at all that they need to rest and relax from time to time. The lack of quality rest leads to a person’s physical and mental health deteriorating. Due to the daily hustle and bustle, tension and stress accumulate, which lead to an inexplicable feeling of anxiety.
You just need to set aside one day a week for relaxation, visit the sauna, go out into nature, meet friends, go to the theater and so on. If you can’t go somewhere outside the city, then you can play your favorite sport, take a walk before bed, get a good night’s sleep, and eat right. Such actions will improve your well-being.
How to get rid of anxiety? Psychology in this regard believes that first you need to establish the source of anxiety. Often, feelings of restlessness and anxiety arise because a person is simultaneously bombarded with many small things that need to be done on time. If you consider all these things separately and plan your daily list of activities, then everything will appear much simpler than it seems. Many problems from a different perspective will seem even insignificant. Therefore, using this method will make a person calmer and more balanced.
Without unnecessary delay, you need to get rid of small but unpleasant problems. The main thing is not to let them accumulate. It is necessary to develop the habit of timely resolution of urgent matters, for example, such household things as rent, a visit to the doctor, submitting a thesis, etc.
In order to understand how to get rid of the constant feeling of anxiety and worry inside, you need to want to change something in your life. If there is a problem that seems unsolvable for a long time, you can try to look at it from a different point of view. There are sources of anxiety and feelings of anxiety that cannot leave a person alone for some time. For example, it is impossible to simultaneously solve financial problems, buy a car, get a friend out of trouble, and settle family problems. But if you look at things a little differently, then you will be more able to cope with stress.
We need to do everything possible to improve the situation. Sometimes even talking to other people can help reduce anxiety and clarify the situation. For example, a financial consultant will help you cope with financial problems, a psychologist will help you with family matters.
Between thinking about the main problems, you need to set aside time for distracting activities (walking, playing sports, watching a movie). The main thing is not to forget that the problems that need to be solved remain in the first place, and you should keep your distractions under control so that they do not provoke difficulties with time pressure.
Another method for determining how to get rid of constant feelings of anxiety and worry is mental training. Many have proven that meditation helps calm the mind and overcome feelings of anxiety. Regular practice improves mental health. For those who are just starting to practice, it is advisable to enroll in courses in order to correctly master the technique.
During meditation, you can think about an exciting problem. To do this, you need to focus on it, spend about five or ten minutes thinking about it, but not think about it again during the day.
People who share their anxious thoughts and feelings with others feel much better than those who keep everything to themselves. Sometimes the people with whom you are discussing a problem can offer ideas on how to deal with it. Of course, first of all, the problem should be discussed with the closest people, with a loved one, parents, and other relatives. And not if these people are the source of that very anxiety and concern.
If there are no people around you whom you can trust, then you can use the services of a psychologist. A psychologist is the most unbiased listener who will also help you sort out the problem.
To get rid of the feeling of anxiety and restlessness inside, you need to generally change your lifestyle, in particular your diet. There are a number of foods that can cause anxiety and anxiety. The first of these is sugar. A sharp rise in blood sugar causes anxiety.
It is advisable to reduce your coffee consumption to one cup per day or stop drinking altogether. Caffeine is a very strong stimulant for the nervous system, so drinking coffee in the morning sometimes does not cause wakefulness as much as a feeling of anxiety.
To reduce anxiety, you need to limit your alcohol consumption or stop drinking it altogether. Many people mistakenly assume that alcohol helps relieve anxiety. However, alcohol after short-term relaxation causes a feeling of anxiety, and problems with the digestive and cardiovascular systems can be added to this.
Your diet should include foods that contain elements that induce a good mood: blueberries, acai berries, bananas, nuts, dark chocolate and other foods high in antioxidants, potassium and magnesium. It is important that your diet contains plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean meats.
Exercise can help reduce feelings of anxiety. People who regularly exercise are much less likely to experience feelings of anxiety and restlessness. Physical activity improves blood circulation, increasing the level of endorphins (hormones that bring joy).
Each person can choose a suitable workout for themselves. Cardio exercise can include cycling, running, brisk walking or swimming. You need to maintain muscle tone by doing exercises with dumbbells. Strengthening exercises include yoga, fitness and Pilates.
Changing your room or work environment can also help reduce anxiety and restlessness. Very often, anxiety develops under the influence of the environment, precisely the place in which a person spends the most time. The room should create a mood. To do this, you need to get rid of the clutter, arrange books, throw out trash, put all things in their place and try to maintain order all the time.
To refresh the room, you can make small repairs: hang wallpaper, rearrange furniture, buy new bed linen.
You can get rid of feelings of anxiety and restlessness through travel, opening yourself up to new experiences and expanding your mind. We’re not even talking about large-scale travel here, you can just go outside the city on the weekend, or even go to the other end of the city. New experiences, smells and sounds stimulate brain processes and change your mood for the better.
In order to get rid of the haunting feeling of anxiety, you can try using sedative medications. It is best if these products are of natural origin. The following have calming properties: chamomile flowers, valerian, kava-kava root. If these remedies do not help cope with feelings of restlessness and anxiety, then you need to consult a doctor about stronger medications.
How to get rid of anxiety and fear
If a person regularly feels a feeling of anxiety and fear, if these feelings, due to too strong a duration, become a habitual state and prevent the person from being a full-fledged individual, then in this case it is important not to delay, but to consult a specialist.
Symptoms for which you should consult a doctor: seizure, feeling of fear, rapid breathing, dizziness, pressure surges. Your doctor may prescribe a course of medication. But the effect will be faster if, along with medications, a person undergoes a course of psychotherapy. Treatment with medications alone is not appropriate because, unlike clients on two treatments, they are more likely to relapse.
The following methods tell you how to get rid of constant feelings of anxiety and fear.
To get rid of feelings of anxiety and fear, you need to make a lot of effort. As you know, fear and anxiety arise at a certain time and the reason for this is some very impressive event. Since a person was not born with fear, but it appeared later, it means that one can get rid of it.
The surest way would be to visit a psychologist. It will help you find the root of feelings of anxiety and fear, and help you figure out what triggered these feelings. A specialist will help a person understand and “process” his experiences and develop an effective strategy of behavior.
If visiting a psychologist is problematic, then you can use other methods.
It is very important to learn to correctly assess the reality of an event. To do this, you need to stop for a second, collect your thoughts, and ask yourself questions: “How much does this situation really threaten my health and life now?”, “Could there be something worse in life than this?”, “Are there people in the world?” who could survive this? and the like. It has been proven that by answering such questions to himself, a person who initially considered the situation catastrophic becomes self-confident and comes to understand that everything is not as scary as he thought.
Anxiety or fear must be dealt with immediately, not allowed to develop, and not allow unnecessary, obsessive thoughts into your head that will “swallow” your consciousness until a person goes crazy. To prevent this, you can use breathing techniques: take deep breaths through your nose and long exhales through your mouth. The brain is saturated with oxygen, the blood vessels dilate and consciousness returns.
Techniques in which a person opens up to his fear and goes towards it are very effective. A person who is determined to get rid of fear and anxiety goes towards it, even despite strong feelings of anxiety and anxiety. At the moment of the most intense experience, a person overcomes himself and relaxes; this fear will not disturb him again. This method is effective, but it is best to use it under the supervision of a psychologist who will accompany the individual, since, depending on the type of nervous system, each person reacts individually to shocking events. The main thing is to prevent the opposite effect. A person who does not have enough internal psychological resources may become even more influenced by fear and begin to experience unimaginable anxiety.
Exercise helps reduce feelings of anxiety. With the help of a drawing, you can free yourself from fear by depicting it on a piece of paper, and then tear it into pieces or burn it. Thus, fear spills out, the feeling of anxiety goes away and the person feels free.
Analyze why you have a feeling of worthlessness? Perhaps you have experienced some kind of traumatic situation or a series of various failures, as a result of which you have developed a persistent rejection of yourself? Try to understand that your failures most likely were not your fault, the circumstances just happened that way. Remember that no one is immune from mistakes and mistakes; everyone makes them, even the most successful and confident people.
Give up self-criticism, do not scold yourself for every reason and for no reason. Don't try to blame yourself in any situation. Do not allow this in conversations with relatives, friends, colleagues, etc. value judgments about oneself. For example, many insecure people like to repeat phrases such as: “Yes, it’s my fault,” “I was stupid again,” “Well, I’m a fool...”, etc. Such phrases should no longer be in your vocabulary.
Build self-confidence. Find an interesting hobby, sign up for some courses, for example, English, and set yourself the goal of mastering it at least at the level of fluent reading of English literature - this will dramatically increase your self-esteem. Buy a subscription to a swimming pool, gym, etc. As you become physically stronger, you will also begin to respect yourself more.
Praise and encourage yourself for even the smallest achievements. For example, you read a good book or cooked something tasty and beautiful, you encouraged someone, instilled hope for the best in someone - all this, like many other things you do, deserves praise!
Get rid of thinking stereotypes. For example, when you were in school, you were constantly told that you were an incapable student, that you couldn’t do anything useful. Having become accustomed to this label, which was attached to you as a child, you continue to go through life as a loser: you do not strive for new knowledge, do not take responsibility, etc. But here it is important to understand that the teacher may simply not have considered the potential of your personality, did not find an individual approach to you in the learning process, and was not able to reveal all your abilities.
Real goals and self-confidence are the main components of success!
Set realistic goals for yourself and achieve them using the principle of small steps. For example, you decide to get a higher education. Rejoice at every small success on the way to achieving your main goal: a successfully passed test, a lecture you listened to on a particular subject, the completion of another course - all these are reasons for joy.
Do not lose faith in yourself, strive to conquer new heights, despite any value judgments of others, and you will gain self-confidence and get rid of the feeling of uselessness and worthlessness.
Help others - with a smile, a kind word, sympathy, and specific deeds. There are many truly unhappy and lonely people in the world who really need your help. Pay attention to children raised in orphanages, lonely elderly people, patients in hospices and other similar institutions - they all need simple human touch. It is important that your help comes from the heart and is sincere.
Do not strive to assert yourself at the expense of others; remember that truly wise people strive for self-expression. Your goals do not have to coincide with the goals of the people around you - that you should live the same way they live? Set your goals, live the way you want to live. Remember your dream, because you definitely have a network. Just go to her and you will find happiness and self-confidence.
Many people all over the world like to change their lives with the beginning of a new year: for example, breaking off old love relationships and finding new ones, but to do this, you must first get rid of love addiction. Here are 4 effective ways to get rid of feelings for another person.
1. Even the wise Ovid in his poem “The Art of Love” advised: “With a quick movement of the mind, look around the object of your passion in order to overthrow the heavy yoke that promises oppression.” Taking the position of an outside observer, try to concentrate not only on the advantages, but also on the shortcomings of the object of your adoration. By the way, the French psychologist Jean Piaget saved one of his patients from a love obsession, demanding that she burn all the letters and photographs of her beloved, and then remember in the smallest detail all, even the most insignificant, shortcomings, and then skillfully inflated them to the size of vices.
2. To free yourself from love addiction, sometimes it is enough to simply realize that this feeling is not love, but something akin to illness. And then everything will turn upside down: the slave of love will begin to come to her senses. Our thinking determines our feelings and actions. And if a woman thinks that this is love and that there is no love without suffering, then she continues to suffer, sacrificing herself to this painful feeling. If she understands that this is not love, but a special, simply unhealthy addiction, then she will act accordingly.
3. You should not cherish your suffering. You need to avoid anything that evokes any associations with the subject of your desire: movies you watched together, his favorite tunes and songs, even mutual friends and acquaintances. This will only benefit you.
4. Do not reject help - do not stop your relatives, friends and acquaintances from scolding the heartthrob in your presence, allow them to slander him. So you will gradually begin to accustom yourself to the fact that he simply is not worth all your suffering.
5. Try to organize your day so that you do not have time for love dreams. And if thoughts about your unearthly love attack you before going to bed, take your mind off them by switching your attention to a simple but very effective massage. In a state of complete rest and maximum muscle relaxation, you should, without pressing hard, massage the so-called forefinger and thumb. a harmonizing point located approximately in the middle of the ear. In this case, the effect of self-massage for right-handers will be more effective on the right side, and for left-handers, respectively, on the left. First, you can drop 1-2 drops of geranium, lavender, orange or cinnamon oil on your fingers, diluted in 1-2 teaspoons of olive oil.
Evgeny Tarasov