How to get rid of Aggression? Variants of manifestation of aggression. Does a certain parenting style affect children's aggressiveness?

Any woman can begin, without knowing it, to build a relationship with an extremely aggressive man who is prone to assault and even violence. The fact is that the true character of a man becomes clear to a woman only after a long period of meetings, and in many cases only after a serious relationship has begun with him. However, in any case, it is always better to predict in advance the possible behavior of your chosen one, before the relationship crosses a certain line. There are a number of signs by which you can recognize aggressive traits and a tendency towards violence in his personality in the early stages of dating or relationship with a man.

Women should study such signs as carefully as possible in order to be able to protect themselves, as well as their family.

The first alarming “bell” indicating a man’s possible propensity for violence is his fascinating stories about numerous fights with his direct participation. A man may tell you how often he was beaten as a child. Perhaps he will tell you that his parents often punished him with a belt, or he himself often became an active initiator of fights and other showdowns. According to statistics, about thirty percent of children to whom their parents used mainly physical forms of punishment subsequently turn into inveterate brawlers in adulthood. At the same time, they do not tend to feel guilty.

Many of these people generally shift all the blame and responsibility onto those to whom they use physical violence. There is, of course, a small percentage of men who have realized the need to correct their behavior. However, it can be extremely difficult to improve in this regard on your own. It is hardly possible to do without the help of a specialist here. In most cases, physical violence is incurable. Therefore, it is better not to start a relationship with such a person at all than to waste time trying to correct him.

The second sign of a tendency towards aggression is a moment in a man’s behavior when he begins to throw and break objects nearby. If a man, being in a state of anger or passion, begins to scatter, throw, throw or hit surrounding objects, this means that he lacks the ability to self-control. Such a person cannot keep feelings and negative emotions to himself. This is fraught with the fact that at one moment, in a fit of rage, it will spread to people instead of objects and things. At the same time, it will not matter to him which of the people will be at his fingertips. A sign of aggression in a man can be obvious threats about the possibility of using violence. If one of the people begins to openly threaten you, then you should never let it happen.

You definitely need to think carefully. Indeed, in this way, aggressive individuals begin to blackmail people who act as victims for them. Having deprived the victim of self-esteem, the aggressive person begins to control the situation and dictate his terms. At the same time, one should not expect an aggressive man to stop threats of his own free will. In most cases, threats only foreshadow immediate physical violence. A sign of a tendency towards the latter can be constant control and isolation. If a man constantly tries to control a woman’s connections, behavior and life in general, then this is a sure sign of the presence of aggressive qualities in a man. Control can be expressed in the fact that a man does not allow a woman to communicate with her friends, does not let her go out alone, and tries in every possible way to isolate her from the rest of society. As a rule, at the beginning of a relationship with a woman, an aggressive man tries to devote maximum time to her. Gradually, with various arguments, he tries to persuade her to quit her job or stop studying so that the woman can always stay at home with him. Later, the man will definitely take control of all the woman’s expenses. At the same time, he will often ask questions about what exactly the woman spent the money on. All this is often accompanied by checking messages and calls on the woman’s phone or email. Many women explain this control by a feeling of jealousy in a man.

However, jealousy hides deeper roots that have nothing to do with it. And it is precisely these roots that serve as a manifestation of possible initial and actual violence in the future. Of course, if a man is simply jealous of the woman he loves, then this cannot in all cases mean that he is prone to assault. You need to think carefully if a man begins to demonstrate jealousy for no reason. This can be expressed in a man’s constant interest in where and with whom the woman is.

At the same time, attacks of rage in such a man can occur even when a woman simply said hello to one of the men she knows. Already behind jealousy and other unkind manifestations, as a rule, an aggressive man turns to insults. Rudeness, harsh remarks, and explicit insults are also signs of violent behavior. Even when a man makes his comments or reproaches as a joke, you need to think carefully and be wary. At their core, insults foreshadow or even directly begin a hidden form of aggression. At the same time, a man may try to somehow humiliate a woman’s family, her friends, as well as her feelings, emotions or interests. All this can greatly undermine a woman’s self-confidence.

This is exactly what an aggressive man seeks in order to get a woman into his complete power. The next sign of an aggressive man may be the use of physical force and rudeness during an argument with a woman. If, during a conversation or argument with you, your man clearly begins to dislike something, and at the same time he begins to grab you by the shoulders, arms, neck, shake, push, close doors in front of you or not allow you passage, then he will not be limited. In the near future, this could all develop into very cruel actions towards you. An aggressive man can also be recognized by the fact that he tries to blame other people for his own failures. Naturally aggressive people love to look for the cause of their own mistakes in someone else, but at the same time they do not take their own shortcomings into account. Also, aggressive people are not inclined to take responsibility for their words or actions. If you directly tell such a man that he is very aggressive, then in response you can hear that it was you who caused his aggressive behavior and thereby pissed him off. When breaking up with such a man, be sure that he will not speak flatteringly about you, but at the same time he will try to present himself exclusively in a favorable light.

A man’s aggression can be shown towards animals, as well as children. If a man applies physical violence to creatures that are initially unable to fight back, then this directly indicates the beginnings of cruelty in him. Aggressive men by nature are not capable of having true love for either animals or children. And if a man has already begun to use assault or violence against a woman, then with almost one hundred percent probability he will do the same to her children. Often, aggression in a man is provoked by excessive use of drugs or drugs classified as psychotropic. Alcohol and drugs become faithful companions of aggressive and violent individuals. However, as a result of the use of such substances, a person at certain moments ceases to think adequately, as well as to objectively perceive the situation. Therefore, communication with such individuals should be very moderate and extremely careful. You can expect absolutely anything from them. Often a sign of possible aggressive behavior is haste. People prone to violence and cruelty are not able to wait long and patiently for the realization of their own goals.

Such men do not like to look after the woman they like for a long time. They prefer things to happen quickly. Therefore, you can often hear from such a man a sudden proposal for marriage or for the early birth of children. In this way, the man hopes to subjugate the woman as completely as possible. At the same time, he does not leave the woman time to think or doubt. A man’s constant touchiness can also be a prerequisite for aggressive behavior. Those people who tend to be offended by comments addressed to them are in constant readiness to fight. Because of their own low self-esteem, such men will definitely blame the woman for all troubles. If a man is aggressive by nature, then he will demonstrate similar signs in behavior from the first moments of acquaintance.

However, at first, such men try to explain their control, passing it off as love or care. But the disastrous consequences will make themselves felt very soon. This usually happens when a woman is no longer able to take any action on her own without a man. If the situation has reached such a point, then this is already an extreme degree. If the behavior of the man you are dating displays more than three of the previously described signs, then we can safely say that he is a potential criminal. It is sometimes extremely difficult for women to break off a relationship with such a man, especially if she loves him very much. But a further relationship with such a person can become dangerous for the woman herself, so it is imperative to prepare for a break in the relationship.

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OlgaS 23.06 14:40

I agree with much of the article. Men who are aggressive towards women, children, and animals, as a rule, are big losers in life, do not have large muscles, and have a penchant for alcohol or other types of stress relief. I had to deal with such things in my life. The habit of throwing objects around or throwing a phone at a wall gives them away completely. It’s a pity for women who continue to endure bullying, give birth to children from them and, covering their bruises with foundation, try with all their might to save the family, saying the stupidest phrase “a child needs a father.” I know for sure, from my own experience, that it makes no sense to forgive even someone who has hit you once, no matter how he is on his knees and begging, to forgive him is to commit a crime against yourself and your children, because history will definitely repeat itself. For him, the fact of beating as a way of proving that he is right turns out to be acceptable, on some subconscious level.

Aggression is represented by multiple terms in everyday speech. “Benign” aggression (persistence, assertiveness, sportive anger, courage, boldness, bravery, bravery, will, ambition), “malignant” aggression (violence, cruelty, arrogance, rudeness, impudence, evil) and the actual aggressive, destructive type of aggression ( according to Fromm).

Destructive aggression has always been associated with such philosophical and moral concepts as evil. Discussions about whether evil is immanent for humans...

The family is the most important factor in a person’s life, shaping his personality, and, to be honest, people who grew up outside the family experience many difficulties in their later lives.

A feature of family upbringing is its lack of awareness; a person perceives the relationships existing in the family as the only possible ones - natural, given a priori. He builds his entire future life on the foundation laid in early childhood in the family. Modern psychologists associate the emergence...

When a child is born, he has only two ways of reacting - pleasure, when he is full, he is comfortable and warm, and displeasure, when he is hungry, scared, hurt or cold. Pleasure is expressed to others in the form of a smile, joyful humming, calmness or a peaceful sleep.

The baby shows his displeasure in the form of crying, screaming, kicking, and at a later age - in the form of biting, getting dirty, refusing to eat, and even later, protest reactions aimed at destruction appear...

It is considered from 2 positions: 1. as a positive, constructive, creative principle; 2. as a destructive force. However, these two aspects of reality represent different facets of the same phenomenon, which are in a complex dynamic relationship.

Thus, the outstanding biologist Lorenz (1963), who contributed to the study of aggressiveness, held a predominantly positive view of its significance in the life of biological beings. He believed that the nature of aggressiveness...

You can often see children abusing animals, thereby causing them great suffering and developing feelings of anger, hatred and aggressiveness. Psychologist Vialiy Shebanov gives recommendations for preventing this phenomenon.

Have you ever seen a child:
Out of nothing to do, he connects two neighbor cats?
Tying an empty tin can to the tail of someone else's dog?

Inflates a frog with a straw until it bursts?
Tears off flies' wings?
Shoots pigeons with bullets...

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Forgetting that this property is given to us by nature. This means that it was not given by chance.

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The role of the Bible in shaping the moral character of humanity

Introduction
E. Litvar: The topic of our conversation today concerns family, motherhood, children and their upbringing. You and I have already talked about family, but we...

This article is the product of a philosophical generalization of 8 years of experience using the Hellinger Systemic Family Constellation method. And some things, despite the fact that they claim to have some philosophical “depth,” are just the result of observing what is happening in “constellations” and in life, and comparing them.

As a result, the following logic of reasoning has developed, based on the sequential development of the following provisions: a family is a system  the system has qualities that, in principle...

What to do if one of the spouses has a short temper, or, in other words, is angry? How to get along with such a spouse, understand whether anger is justified or not, overcome fear and anxiety in the family, what line of behavior to choose, tell the rector of the shchmch temple. Antipas priest Dimitry Roshchin and clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences Evgenia Zotkina.

- Why does anger arise in a person? Why are some people more susceptible to this than others? Is it about upbringing or chemical processes in the body?

Evgenia Zotkina: First, let's figure out what anger is from a psychological point of view. This is a certain emotional state that implies aggressiveness and anger. Anger is especially strong when a person is in a state of passion. Such a reaction can occur in a person if, in the process of activity or communication, events that occur do not coincide with expectations. There is a negative reaction to the inability to get pleasure, frustration, and aggression becomes a reaction to it.

There is open aggression and hidden aggression. In everyday life, people use open forms of aggression, such as anger.

Aggressive people are people, as a rule, with wounded vanity, ambition, who believe that they are underestimated, they were not given something, and they deserve more and better.

There are also hidden forms of aggression:

  • defensive-active,
  • defensive-passive.

If a child is the idol of the whole family, then he grows up to be a little tyrant. He is used to having his desires always satisfied, and if he receives a refusal, he gets angry and throws a fit - this is an active position.

If a child has been suppressed by parents or society, he cannot splash out his aggression outside and accumulates it inside. Such a person, when he grows up, gives off a vague, inarticulate, unspoken and very painful feeling. Often such a person begins to remember some sad stories, accidents, and negativity is felt in the conversation.

In general, the modern environment and culture are very aggressive, and not only in our country, but throughout the world. Residents of big cities constantly experience frustration; many lack a calm, joyful perception of the world. Now there is a global aestheticization of evil; in our time, evil is the norm.

After all, why are films about cops, bandits, and murders popular? People have a need to watch all these horrors. And when a person cannot correctly regulate his need for aggression, this means that his personality structure is disturbed. Fear is a provocateur of reactions of aggression and anger.

There is a loss of attachment, a feeling of being squeezed out of this world - and anger becomes a kind of deformed defensive reaction, which also manifests itself in sympathy for the aggressors. Many people admire Stalin, Hitler, Pinochet. Worship of aggressors is identification with the aggressor. A person cannot resist some events in life, change some things to some extent due to social factors; a person gets used to his own social helplessness and believes that nothing depends on him.

— What should a husband or wife do if the other half often gets angry?

Evgenia Zotkina: In men, aggression is instrumental, it is used to achieve a goal.

In women, aggression is expressive: she feels bad and starts screaming.

And if one screams and the other endures, then the second partner is a silent accomplice in such a relationship.

Sometimes it happens that spouses will yell at each other in the morning, and in the evening they come home as if nothing had happened - no one is offended, they no longer remember what happened in the morning. If this happens and no one really takes offense at each other, then it’s not scary.

If the dishes in the house don’t break, but the wife constantly mumbles and comments displeasedly about how her husband scattered his things, how he eats, how he sleeps, etc., this is hidden aggression. If a person feels good with his spouse, then they are unlikely to spoil each other’s mood for such insignificant reasons - such couples intuitively protect each other. Constant dissatisfaction with a partner destroys relationships much more than any single emotional shots or outbursts of anger.

A person understands very well where and how he can behave, where he can throw out his anger and where not. If the wife reacts to her husband’s aggressive attacks as unacceptable, and the husband values ​​his wife, he will try not to do this again. A person, in fact, can control a lot. An outburst of anger can be extinguished, or it can be inflated. For example, at work a person cannot show his aggression, but at home he wants to and yells, and you are already a hero. We must always remember that a person behaves the way he is allowed to behave.

Dimitri: First we need to talk about where this passion comes from. Anger is always born of pride. Just as pride is full of lies, so anger is full of lies. (The exception is “righteous anger”). Every passion must be opposed by its opposite virtue.

Since a family is a single whole, if one half of the family is sick with some kind of illness, in this case anger, then the other half must show meekness in a special way, because meekness is the opposite of anger. And thus win, because the fight is for the common good. This, however, applies to any family illness - if one part is sick, the other must fight to maintain health in this particular aspect, because we save each other.

But meekness can be shown for the time being. It all depends on the extent to which a person is willing to endure, on the current situation in the family. If a person is constantly being beaten and is no longer able to endure it, then he should avoid living together for a while and see what effect this will have. If a path to reconciliation is found, go back. And if this condition does not go away, then you need to further decide what to do about it, whether it is possible to stay in the family.

— If a person is aware of his aggression and suffers from it, what can be recommended to him?

Evgenia Zotkina: Stress and anger are very well relieved by physical activity. Anything: walk up and down the stairs, do squats, do some physical work - and it will become easier.

In general, a healthy person is able to control his emotions. Of course, when a person is angry, deep inner work is happening inside him, it is difficult, and it is easier to shout or break something. But it is important to ask yourself a question in time: how much is the person in front of me really to blame for my rage? If a person learns to correctly analyze his emotions, it will be easier for him to cope with them.

Father Dimitri: The main task of a person who is angry is not to let his anger out. Let it rage within him, but a person must literally grit his teeth, bite his tongue and do everything possible to prevent this passion from rising. If he learns to catch these states, then with this exercise he will be able to lower this anger deeper and deeper until it ceases to be born at all. But it's very difficult. You need to be attentive to yourself, make it your task to fight this passion. If a person takes care of himself in one thing, it is absolutely certain that he will take care of himself in everything else.

— If children show signs of temper, how to deal with it?

Evgenia Zotkina: Children become hot-tempered due to a strong information field that overstimulates the child’s psyche. The child’s psyche cannot cope with the incoming barrage of information, while the parents themselves are restless and anxious, and anxiety creates in the child a feeling of an unsafe environment.

There is a crisis in the family and a huge gap between generations. Parents have no time for their children: they get tired at work, come home nervous, and since children are now very active, overexcited, emotional, with increased motor skills, they quickly master gadgets and shooters. The child begins to play murder and understands that all issues can be resolved with the help of force. Children love more the one who plays with them, and since they spend most of their time on the computer, they lose touch with their parents. Dad and mom cease to be role models and authorities; they are replaced by the fruits of mass culture.

To prevent such a situation in the family, parents should devote as much time as possible to their children, talk with them, and answer questions. A child should feel that his home is his fortress, and that no matter what he does, he will always be accepted and supported there. This is the most important thing parents can give their child.

Father Dimitri: Using your power, prohibit the child from entering an aggressive state, stop him, explain that this is wrong - stop all attempts. Isolate, put in a corner - in general, bring to life in accordance with the degree to which anger manifests itself. It seems to me that children who get angry easily have learned this from adults. There may be some exceptions, but, as a rule, the child finds everything within the family. Therefore, you need to look at yourself first.

Ekaterina Vorobyova
Anna Berseneva

Discussion

Anger is quite natural. The question is how to control it. You need to show self-control. Love is the key to happiness, but love is not just emotions or feelings. This is a principle of behavior, an inner core that can withstand any difficulties in order to save the family.

Of course, I won’t read it, there’s a clear blizzard there for sure, but I can give advice - beat it. Outbursts of rage are a manifestation of promiscuity. At work, in the presence of superiors, everyone can control themselves. Everyone who is not in a mental hospital, of course.

I don’t understand the screaming, breaking dishes, fighting with a rolling pin at all.
For what?
if there is love, then there should be no desire to fight, and if there is no love, then is it worth living with such a person?
We also disagree about enduring anger inside ourselves with clenched teeth!
Another question is how to pour it out)

Comment on the article "Anger: how to get along with an aggressive husband or wife"

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INTRODUCTION

Since the 60s. the topic of violence and aggression becomes one of the most pressing, and the twentieth century itself becomes “the century of concern about violence.”

There is currently no consensus on the root cause of domestic violence. Researchers of this problem have proposed many theories - from the presence of mental disorders to the influence of sociocultural values ​​and social organization. The main debate has been between followers of psychological theories and those who believe in social causation. Psychologists have established a special role in the growth of violence of such mental factors as weakened control of instincts, disappointment, aggressiveness, alcoholism and psychopathology. Adherents of the theory of social causation focus on cultural norms that provoke violence, on the patriarchal social structure that favors the dominant role of men.

There are many explanations for violence in psychology. Thus, psychoanalysis sees in it the transfer by the individual of the primitive death drive, which Freud called the “death instinct,” from himself to external objects. Neo-behaviourism considers violence to be a consequence of frustrations experienced by an individual in the process of social learning (A. Bandura). Interactionism is a consequence of an objective “conflict of interest”, “incompatibility of goals” of individuals and social groups (D. Campbell). Cognitivism considers violence as a result of “dissonances” and “inconsistencies” in the cognitive sphere of the subject (L. Festinger).

Despite the seriousness of the problem, the attitude towards it in our country is condescending and tolerant.

Facts of domestic violence are not usually made public: it is believed that this is an intra-family matter. Articles of the Criminal Code cover actions with obvious and tangible damage to health - murder, bodily harm, torture. A federal law on the prevention of domestic violence has not yet been developed.

Silencing the problems of intra-family violence gives rise to misconceptions about what exactly is considered domestic violence and what the real scale of this phenomenon is.

In this regard, the purpose of this work is to study the psychological characteristics of women subjected to domestic violence.

The object is violence against women in the family.

Subject: psychological characteristics of women subjected to domestic violence.

Hypothesis: women who have been subjected to domestic violence are characterized by a high level of neuroticism, spontaneous aggressiveness, depression, irritability, shyness, emotional lability of feminism, and a low level of balance.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AS A FACTOR OF FAMILY VIOLATION

Domestic violence and aggression

The fact that people in a family often commit dangerous aggressive acts is hardly up for debate. However, the question of why they take such actions has long been the subject of serious debate. While there is a variety of controversial theoretical foundations, most fall into one of the following four categories. Aggression refers primarily to:

1) innate impulses or inclinations (psychoanalytic approach of 3. Freud, ethological approach of K. Lorenz, sociobiological approach);

2) needs activated by external stimuli (Dollard’s theory of frustration-aggression, Berkowitz’s theory of impulses to aggression, Zillmann’s theory of transfer of excitation);

3) cognitive and emotional processes (Berkowitz model of the formation of new cognitive connections, Zillmann model of aggressive behavior);

4) current social conditions, in combination with previous learning (Bandura’s theory of social learning) Conrad L. Aggression. - M.: Slovo, 1994. - P. 23..

Aggression, in contrast to aggression, is a personality trait that is described in the scientific literature as a tendency to actions that cause physical or psychological harm, damage to other people Antje E. Aggression. - M.: Fair-Press, 2006. - P. 9..

In addition, both violence and aggression in the family are generated mainly by differences in the possibilities of exercising power. One family member, for example a husband or father, has the ability to force the rest of the household to carry out his will due to his greater physical strength or the existence of certain norms of behavior in society. His wife and children do not have the economic, social, psychological or physical capabilities to offer any real resistance to him. This difference in the possibilities of exercising power probably allows the dominant personality in the family to bully weaker household members who do not fulfill his wishes Alekseeva L.S. Problems of child abuse // Pedagogy. - 2006. - No. 5. - P. 42..

Violence begets violence, say family researchers. People who have been abused as children also tend to become aggressive. Ibid. - p. 44. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, and some family specialists wonder whether there is real evidence that forms cruel behavior is passed on from generation to generation. However, the accumulated research results increasingly testify in favor of the validity of the concept of the cycle of violence. Ibid. - P. 45..

Research conducted in 1975 revealed a pattern: the more often a man or woman was subjected to physical punishment in childhood, the higher the likelihood that they would abuse their future wife or husband, as well as the parents who were the most exposed to corporal punishment in their family (according to their own memories), were among those who were most likely to be capable of cruel treatment of their children Goetz O. Protect the family // Social Security. - 2005. - No. 8. - P. 23.. According to the same data, men who saw parents fighting in childhood became aggressive husbands twice as often as men who did not observe such family scenes in childhood. In a study by Hotaling and Sugarman, 90% of the studies they analyzed found that husbands who beat their wives were more likely than normal men to witness incidents of aggression in their family. The same authors found that beaten women also often observed scenes of violence in their families in childhood Getz O. Decree. op. - P. 23..

The same factors that explain child abuse and wife beating also explain the use of routine corporal punishment or minimal physical violence between spouses. Thus, it turns out that violence always remains violence, regardless of the degree of its cruelty and regardless of whether it is in a certain way legalized (as in the case of corporal punishment) or illegal (as in the case of cruelty towards children or beatings). wives) Miller E. Political consequences of child abuse // Social pedagogy. - 2004. - No. 4. - P. 49..

Domestic violence develops cyclically: one of the main features of domestic violence is that it represents repeated incidents (patterns) of multiple types of violence (physical, sexual, psychological and economic) over time.

The presence of a pattern is an important indicator of the difference between domestic violence and a simple conflict situation in the family. If the conflict is local and isolated, then violence has a systemic basis and consists of incidents following each other. The abuser may give various reasons to justify the act of violence, but all of them have no relation to reality. The main force driving the abuser is the desire to establish complete power over his wife (partner). Conflict usually has some specific problem at its core that can be resolved.

The results of a survey conducted by the Family Research Institute commissioned by the Commission for Women, Family and Demography under the President of the Russian Federation in 2003 showed that domestic violence can take various forms - from emotional and moral blackmail to the use of physical force, and it is the latter that is practiced most often . Answering the question, “Why are children beaten in the families you know?”, respondents gave the following reasons: for misconduct - 26%; venting irritation - 29%; when there is trouble in the house - 20%; when they cannot cope with them in other ways - 19%; because they are not liked - 5%; this is done by mentally unstable people - 14%; this is done by drunkards and alcoholics - 29% Alekseva L.S. Decree. op. - P. 78..

Many currently existing theories try to explain the reasons that provoke violence in the family. Basically, they all reflect the professional beliefs of a particular researcher. Thus, the sociological model refers to the influence of sociocultural factors (i.e., the stereotype of family relationships learned in childhood and accepted in a given social group), housing and material conditions that give rise to chronic psychological stress and post-traumatic disorders. From a psychiatric and medical point of view, abuse and neglect of a family member is a consequence of pathological changes in the psyche of relatives, degradation, and alcoholism. The socio-psychological approach explains the manifestations of violence by the personal life experiences of the rapists, their “traumatized” childhood. Psychology can be interpreted as a multidimensional factor generated by the interaction of several elements at once: the personal characteristics of the rapist and the victim, intrafamily processes, stress caused by socio-economic conditions, and social circumstances.

Psychological cruelty is so common that we can say with complete confidence that no person grows up without experiencing, directly or indirectly, some of its manifestations. But in most cases, psychological cruelty is not so severe or so frequent that it causes irreparable harm.