Obviously, any division of people into classes, types, according to zodiac signs or any other characteristics is quite subjective. However, there are some patterns and parallels that allow us to conclude that one person is an extrovert and the other is an introvert. We will talk about these parallels and patterns in this article.
Extroverts and introverts
Extroverts are sociable people who communicate easily. It is important for them to constantly be surrounded by other people, and better yet, in the center of attention. They have many friends, many acquaintances, many subscribers on social networks. Because for them the number of acquaintances is an indicator of social status.
Extroverts do not like to “pull their feet” - if they take on something, they strive to achieve success in it as quickly as possible. If something doesn't work out for an extrovert, he puts in even more effort to achieve his goals.
Introverts are the exact opposite of extroverts. If we talk about acquaintances and friends, they give preference to “quality” rather than quantity. That is, for them, one single close friend is much more valuable than a hundred superficial acquaintances.
Introverts love a quiet environment, “without noise and dust.” And they work as productively as possible alone.
Introverts love to delve into themselves and those around them. They are interested in the meaning of certain people's actions. They love to analyze events, situations and their own behavior. If something doesn’t work out for an introvert, he looks for reasons for this, as a result of which he can become very “slow” in one place.
It is important to understand that not all introverts are social phobics. But most social phobes are introverts.
Hypersensitivity of introverts
One of the traits that introverts have in common is increased sensitivity. An introvert is easily hurt or offended. And an introvert can “carry” an insult inflicted in his soul for years, which makes him rather poorly adapted to society.
As a rule, introverts are empathetic. They are deeply imbued with the misfortunes of other people. Their behavior is based on the principle “to make everyone feel good.” In real life, this behavior greatly limits them, because they are afraid, for example, of causing discomfort to another person if they call him to sell something.
Any mistake for an introvert is a great tragedy, and often also a “painful lesson.” If an extrovert, having made a mistake, looks for workarounds, an introvert looks for the reasons for the mistake and is completely immersed in analysis. The longer this analysis lasts, the more difficult it is for an introvert to start moving forward. He is afraid to make the same or new mistakes.
Positive assessments from other people are painfully important to an introvert. Introverts want to please everyone, they want to please. They can hide or disguise their negative character traits in order to avoid condemnation or censure by society.
Meeting a new person is always a lot of stress for an introvert. After all, an introvert never stops thinking for a second about how he looks in the eyes of his interlocutor, what impression he makes, etc.
Conscious choice, upbringing or “it was fate”?
Some psychologists claim that a child is a “blank piece of paper.” And parents can make him into the person they want. As if we are not talking about a living creature, but about a plasticine man.
The statement about a “blank sheet of paper” is quite meaningless, because already at a very early age you can notice that children are not alike. So, some are very noisy, emotional and restless (extroverts), while others are quiet and calm, building a tower of cubes in the corner (introverts).
However, upbringing plays an important role in shaping personality and how pronounced an introvert a person will become if he developed this tendency in childhood.
An introverted child is easily hurt. And every insult inflicted on him is formed into a complex or phobia.
It is important to understand that no person makes a conscious choice to be a cheerful and sociable extrovert or a quiet and inconspicuous introvert.
However, introverts often make attempts to “change themselves”...
What to do if you are an introvert? 
The fact is that being in a constant, almost non-stop process of soul-searching, introverts come to the conclusion that their characteristics are their shortcomings. This leads to another conclusion - you need to get rid of your “shortcomings”, which means you need to change...
Unfortunately, such attempts are rarely successful. After all, instead of learning to accept the real self, the introvert begins to pretend to be someone else - more sociable, less touchy and emotional, etc. He puts on a mask and tries to force himself to a) love this mask, b) make the mask turn into a face.
In fact, introverts have no disadvantages. There are only certain features. They are neither positive nor negative, they are neutral. This is what it is and what you need to learn to live with. And hereHowlive with it, we'll talk at a free webinar
An introvert is not a death sentence or a disease. Being an introvert youyou canachieve big goals, youyou canenjoy life and earn big money. The main thing is to stop looking for problems in yourself and trying to change yourself.
Are you okay. And it was always fine. Come to the webinar and learn how to achieve everything you want by being yourself!
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I'm an introvert.
I love living alone, being alone to relax and recharge - I need to be alone.
I don't know how to behave at parties and in unfamiliar companies. This is all stress for me, not fun.
It takes me a long time to get accustomed to new teams.
I prefer to remain invisible and keep a low profile.
As a child, the scariest moment for me was when they came to visit. Especially this: “Sveta, go say hello to Uncle Volodya.” I liked Uncle Volodya, but I really didn’t want to say hello to anyone. One day, when I heard Uncle Volodya in the corridor, I hid in the closet and sat there until he left. Three hours, three o'clock. This particular uncle had nothing to do with it: I was terribly embarrassed to go out to people. To all.
At school I was the grayest of all possible mice.
When I found myself in a large company, I always had a strange feeling that I didn’t belong to it and that I was just passing by by accident. Even if we have all known each other for three years. Even if it was my own birthday!
I read Carnegie’s books about how to win friends, and thought: well, how can I now go to my classmates, start talking and smiling? After all, they know perfectly well what I am like! Nobody will believe me, and everyone will laugh.
At the same time, I've always been fascinated by crowds.
How does it work, I thought, when you accidentally find yourself at a concert of a band you never even liked, you’re in a lousy mood, and before you know it, you’re already jumping with everyone in the fan zone almost to the ceiling, and you’re overwhelmed with delight?
What about marathons? Yes, running out of the starting corridor along with a thousand of the same abnormal people, you’re not running with your own feet, you’re soaring on your wings and not touching the ground at all!
But this feeling when you and a team of 50 people have completed some large-scale project at work? And it doesn’t matter at all what role you played in that very team. At least the cleaning ladies. You too feel this joy and this belonging!
And the Olympics, when everyone, every single one, feels proud of their country, even if yesterday they reviled it with the last words or even left and renounced citizenship?
Yes, when people come together, when they are on the same wavelength, it is a power that cannot be expressed in words.
And all my life I wanted to belong to something like that. A large and noisy group of friends or an interesting project. I wanted to be and do things with people!
But it didn't work out. Therefore, over time, I decided that all these people were not for me. I'm an introvert, I don't need anyone. There are girlfriends with whom you can communicate alone, and that’s enough. In general, these people who gather in flocks are kind of strange, why are they needed. You have to be self-sufficient! There is no point in breaking your nature and trying to fit into big companies. This is just extra stress for me.
I was afraid of people: my old friends know that my favorite facial expression was a la “brick.” On the street they never tried to hand me leaflets, passers-by didn’t ask for directions, guys didn’t come up to introduce themselves, no one sat in the empty seat next to me on the subway. All because I could incinerate anyone I met with one glance. It was really just protection.
After finishing school, I decided to completely change my life and went to study journalism. It was scary because I suspected: they would send me to the people!
And so it happened.
At my first television internship, I was given a cameraman, a sound engineer, and even a car. When this whole company was standing behind me, of course I had to approach strangers and ask questions. It turned out that it was not very scary. It seems like no one has ever sent me.
When applying for a job in cinema, I heard already at the interview: we will hire you if you are ready to fight your complexes. I really wanted this job, I had to lie that I was ready.
From the very first day you should have called. Strangers, often with very strange questions, often famous and very busy, and all of them, of course, saw me you know where. Sometimes it took me half a day to muster the strength to make one call. I learned this too. A few months later, without blinking an eye, she could call anyone, even the president. True, my confidence ended outside the set, but in life everything remained the same.
The next discovery was travel. Reading reports from experienced people, I never understood how this is possible: you came to a new country, met the locals there, and now you’re attending a traditional Indian wedding. When I was traveling, it was like this: I came to the hotel, talked with the girlfriend I came with. At most, I managed to hang out with the seller from the souvenir shop. And this happened mostly because of his desire to sell us a hookah. Is this how people meet while traveling? Mystery.
The answer came in the form of a drunken Englishman who sat down with me in the restaurant of a shabby Indian hotel. I wasted away over my kufta, which made steam pour out of my ears, and dreamed of one thing: for my idiotic vacation to end as soon as possible. She came alone to Calangute, Goa, and it seems that she was the only white tourist on the entire coast. I quickly lost the desire to go for a walk, the Indians did not allow me to pass, there was no smell of yoga there, the food was disgusting and I spent my days in the hotel, enjoying the feeling of guilt and hopelessness. The Englishman, whom, by the way, no one asked, decided: you urgently need to go to Hampi, because it is heaven on earth.
How I got there is a different story.
The fact is that everyone there looked as if they had known each other for a hundred years. And everyone was having fun and hanging out. And I was alone. I was alone for three days and felt terrible. And at one fine moment an unknown guy came up to me and said something. It seems like "hello".
Fir trees, is it that simple?
I then met him, and then many others, and learned to remove the brick expression from my face. I could speak first myself, and people began to talk to me! That trip quickly rose to first place in the ranking of the best adventures and remained there for a long time.
True, upon returning to Moscow it was all over. It’s as if that mode was turned off and the brick mode was turned on again. But I already knew that inside me there lives an open, friendly person who can meet others! One thing was unclear: how to convert this mode into a permanent one.
All that remained was to train. Solo travel played a huge role in this matter. Travelers are more open and friendly than just people on the streets. They are the first to speak to you. When traveling, there are often situations when you have to ask for help. And there is no one to ask except strangers!
Looking back, I see that I constantly put myself in situations where communication was necessary. It was often difficult, and scary, and uncomfortable. But I learned! The journey took only about eight years.
I feel comfortable with people. Now I know how to talk to them myself. I happily run out into the corridor to greet Uncle Volodya. I know how to meet people while traveling! I am not afraid to go to meetings with strangers or people I barely know. And now I have a group of friends where I really feel like I belong. And finally people on the street began to come up and ask how to get to the library. I guess I don't look so scary anymore!
I still turn on brick mode sometimes. I still don't know what to do when my birthday is approaching - will I really have to gather a crowd? I still feel uncomfortable in large groups. The worst thing is, perhaps, a large unfamiliar company where everyone knows each other! But I go to these sometimes to train social skills. I am far from complete victory, but sometimes it turns out just brilliantly!
I don't think I'm breaking or remaking myself. I reveal my talents. I respect my nature and always make sure that I have enough personal space and time alone in my life.
I'm still an introvert, but I love people and I'm good with people.
- Does it happen that in the midst of a holiday, all you think about is how you will come home, put on cozy pajamas and watch your favorite movie?
- Does it happen that after intense communication you feel a “social hangover”, and all you want is to sit in your “den” so that no one touches you?
- Does it ever happen that you are calm and thoughtful, and they ask you so sympathetically: “Are you doing well? You’re kind of sad!” (and immediately you feel bad, and you want to lightly beat the well-wisher).
- Does it happen that they tell you something, but you feel bored and awkward, and you just nod politely, wondering - why do I need this?
- Does it happen that because of all of the above, you periodically feel awkward and even annoyed: why am I not like everyone else?
What is an introvert?
It is generally accepted that an introvert is one who communicates little, and an extrovert, on the contrary, is one who communicates a lot. In fact, the main difference is different. An introvert is turned inward; all the most important things happen in his inner world, the world of experiences, feelings and thoughts. That's where he gets his energy from. And close contact with external reality brings him more stress than joy, and ultimately leaves him devastated. After a period of intense communication, introverts need to stop to “recharge their batteries.” And this is not depression, not shyness, not complexes - this is a personality trait that cannot be changed, even if you really want to “re-educate”. Loneliness for an introvert is as necessary as sleep or food.
Iceberg in the ocean
Introverts may come across as aloof, withdrawn, shy, mysterious, or simply arrogant. In fact, they need communication just like others, they are just more prone to deep, serious, close contacts. Unlike extroverts, “snail people” do not see much pleasure in a wide circle of friends - they rather value one or two, or at most several, but “real” friends. Those with whom you can remain silent, and if you talk, then without “small talk”, but heart to heart. But, thanks to their inward focus, introverts make excellent strategists, thinkers, scientists and “gray cardinals.”
In the land of extroverts
Savvy introverts like to say “we are a minority among the population, but a majority among the gifted.” As for the minority, this is true, since three out of four people are extroverts. This means that our world was created just for them. Noisy concerts, open-space style offices, large companies, travel like “5 cities in 5 days”, competition, energy, sociability - all these are extroverted values. Even a trip on public transport for an introvert is a real test, after which he can be so emotionally exhausted that it’s time to go back home and rest... Due to the fact that life is organized according to someone else’s scheme, introverts lose a lot of energy and get tired quickly. It is also difficult for them to maintain the accepted fast pace of life - before doing something, they tend to “measure seven times”; when going out “in public” they need to acclimatize and get used to the situation. And finally, simply being physically around people, no matter whether they are loved or not, takes away their strength.
How to live?
Three useful tips from the author of the book “The Invincible Introvert”
1. Take breaks
This is not a whim, not a whim, but a scientifically proven fact: due to the way nerve fibers work, introverts need more time to recover and feel rested. The golden rule: take breaks from work even before you start to collapse from fatigue. This is especially true for those introverts who work with people or in public. Julia Roberts admitted in an interview with Time magazine: when filming is going on, she always tries to take a nap during breaks. “Then the rest of the day will be much more pleasant to deal with,” the actress notes.
2. Listen to music
Observe how certain melodies affect your mood. Music can give that boost of energy that an introvert lacks to go out into the world or take a decisive step. And vice versa, after a difficult day, it helps to calm down, come to one’s senses, and distract from unpleasant thoughts.
3. Take your temperature
Introverts should make some effort to organize their lives, taking into account their characteristics. Because just going with the “extroverted” flow is difficult and tiring. Laney Olsen suggests “taking the temperature” of your energy every day, that is, assessing your condition and capabilities. For example, you shouldn't plan complex tasks the day after a big party, conference or meeting. This is exactly the case when it is better to “put it off until the day after tomorrow,” because even if you force yourself, you are unlikely to get any sense. And vice versa - if you spent the whole weekend in pleasant solitude and feel a surge of energy, it’s time to tackle those complex projects that you have been putting off for a long time.
New rules
When Audrey Hepburn was asked what was most challenging for her as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's, she replied, “I'm an introvert. Playing an extroverted girl was the hardest thing I've ever done." But ordinary introverts have to play by someone else’s rules every day! But the good news is that they can be outsmarted.
- Rule “As long as there are no pauses”
Advice: To prevent pauses from being painful for you, get into the habit of speaking slowly. Against the background of fast, intermittent speech, a pause is perceived as alien, and if you speak at a measured pace, it may not be noticed.
- "Eye to eye" rule
Advice: if the situation allows, sit not directly opposite the interlocutor, face to face, but a little to the side. Then you can look away without losing contact. In work communication, you can “hide behind” a notepad and take notes. Over time, you will come up with your own techniques to feel comfortable, but also not seem impolite.
- Rule “We talk about everything”
Advice: at a party, presentation, corporate event, try to join a small company. This way you won’t feel lonely and isolated, and at the same time you’ll be able to choose - to join the conversation if you’re interested, or just listen (or even pretend to listen and think about your own thoughts). One-on-one, you won’t be able to “infiltrate” like that. Keep in mind that a “buffet” conversation while standing takes up more energy and exacerbates the feeling of insecurity - so if you have a choice, it is better to communicate while sitting.
I'd rather stay at home
“I can’t stand dating!” - shares Kate, a participant in the women's forum. To the surprised questions of her Internet friends, she replies: “I always feel awkward with a new person, I don’t know what to talk to him about... It’s good that I’ve already found my beloved husband, I don’t need to go on dates and I can spend time doing more interesting things.” ! To most “normal” extroverts, this point of view seems at least strange. But for an introvert, this is par for the course: being the center of attention, making small talk, facing the anxious unknown - all this is too tiring. To make meetings with new people (not only romantic, but also friendly and business) go more smoothly:
- agree on time limits in advance. A pot of tea and dessert is quite enough for the first time;
- at first, meet on neutral territory - this makes it easier to leave at a convenient moment for you;
- if you feel discomfort, strong excitement or tension, do not hesitate to take breaks - “powder your nose”, “take an important call”, or ask your companion to go to the bar for a cocktail;
- if you are worried and lose the thread of the conversation, the simplest and most disarming way is to smile and say it like it is: “oh, I lost my mind”, “wow, there were so many questions - but now I can’t remember a single one”, “I’m a little embarrassed ";
- listen to yourself and notice what feelings you have at different moments of the conversation - this is valuable information that can say a lot about the interlocutor;
- move at your own pace - for example, do not rush to maintain physical contact until you are ready for it. Everything has its time!
Worth reading:
Laney Marty Olsen: "The Invincible Introvert";
introwert.ru - a website with a huge amount of useful information about introversion;
ya-introvert.livejournal.com is a place where thoughtful and slightly boring introverts communicate.
I'm not a brake, I'm an orchid!
American psychologist Elaine Aron studies Highly Sensitive People - “very sensitive people”, who are also called “orchid people”. These are real princes and princesses “and a pea”: they are easily frightened and surprised, deeply perceive art, are very sensitive to pain, bright light, strong odors and even rough elements of clothing. Another distinctive feature is that “orchid people”, due to their nervous characteristics, are overly attentive to details. This makes them excellent observers, but there is also a flip side to the coin: even in a normal conversation, they receive too much information, which is why they quickly get tired, exhausted and begin to react very slowly, and sometimes even freeze “in a stupor.” So if your loved one suddenly starts to slow down, don’t rush to conclusions: perhaps he just needs time to digest the information?
Natalya Trushina, for DIVA magazine, #12, 2011
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date: Nov. 20th, 2011 08:42 pm (UTC)
Of course I knew that there are extroverts and introverts. But I never thought that I belonged to the latter, and yet I almost wrote myself down as a sociopath due to the inability to endure long-term communication, crowds, empty chatter and because I prefer to be alone with myself, in my own world. , so to speak) Thank you, the article turned out to be very useful!
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- kazkarka -
It's no secret that we live in an age of fierce competition in any field. To achieve success, and sometimes just survive, you must interact a lot with people. Meet people, sell, buy, smile, bump with elbows and all that. Concepts such as embarrassment, timidity, and inability to build relationships put any person at a critical disadvantage.
People have been successfully interacting for millennia, but in the modern world all these requirements have become even stricter. What is an introvert to do in this world?
As you know, an introvert is a person whose mental makeup is characterized by concentration on his inner world, isolation, contemplation, one who is not inclined to communicate and has difficulty establishing contacts with the outside world.
An introvert likes to be with himself, and people often irritate him - slightly or even strongly. In most cases, they do not fit into his value system. Literally everything can irritate an introvert: drivers around you don’t drive the right way, people on the subway don’t walk quite right, employees at work act like boors and dumbasses. The very thought that now they need to communicate with someone about something causes them to panic, even the ringing of the phone is annoying.
Why do introverts get stressed out when interacting with other people? An introvert I know—at my request—described his feelings like this:
- I am often irritated by people's behavior that is at odds with my ideas and principles. Rudeness, which, in my opinion, causes behavior, sloppiness, unnecessaryness, lies and outright deception. I assume that any new person I meet is a priori not suitable for communication because of his terrible personal characteristics.
- Difficulties in establishing contacts with people, attracting their attention, maintaining a conversation, maintaining their interest in yourself. This is the opposite problem. It seems to me that I do not meet the criteria of “normality: the average person. From the series “what will they think of me?”, am I smart enough for them, will I say something that will make people think that I am a boor or stupid?"
I imagine that now many (extroverts) will attack me, shouting that the problem is far-fetched, that communicating is easy and pleasant.
Do you really think so? Do you know anyone with such problems? Or maybe you have noticed this in yourself or your friends and know some ways to deal with it?
Are you not too comfortable around people? Are you rushing home to recuperate alone? Are you irritated by long conversations about everyday things? Don't you like visiting? Can't do a lot of things at once? Congratulations, you are an introvert.
Just don’t think now that this is your unfortunate fate. In fact, being an introvert is neither bad nor good. It's interesting to be an introvert. You are capable of things that are difficult for an extrovert. Today, being an extrovert means being successful, having many friends, connections and great potential for running your own business. Most business books are aimed primarily at cultivating all the traits of extroversion. But is it worth it? Is it worth overcoming your innate introversion: your love for silence, long thoughts, analysis, loneliness? Or maybe it’s better to find something for yourself in which you can feel organic?
The main difference between the two types of temperament is the direction of the vector of one’s activity. If an extrovert is focused on the external environment, then an introvert is much more important what is inside. For a normal life we need energy. If you are an introvert, your main source of energy is free space and spending time alone.
Use your time profitably: read practical literature for self-knowledge, write (introverts are very good at this), do handicrafts, analyze your life. Better yet, just visit another city or go to the forest. Nature is an indispensable resource for gaining inner strength. Don't forget that for your overall well-being you need 4 types of energy: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.
If you don't try to know yourself, then expect complete dissatisfaction with your environment, work, habits and everything else. Self-knowledge is awareness of yourself and finding infinite potential within yourself. An introvert loves all kinds of lists. We suggest creating several lists to help you:
1) a list of positive qualities;
2) list of priorities;
3) a list of mandatory things that need to be done every day (don’t forget to include walks, healthy food and calling your family);
4) a list of goals for the week, month, year (for each important area: work, study, personal life, society, etc.);
5) wish list (don't skimp!);
6) a list of “funny” wishes (for example, throwing a basket of gifts under the door of an old neighbor);
7) a list of things to do that lift your spirits (from the morning coffee ritual to identifying and taking advantage of an opportunity);
8) a list of activities that allow you to develop your intelligence (books, music, programs, walks);
9) a list of actions that help you feel physically healthy (maintaining the right regime, morning jogging).
Complete one item on each list every day, and your reality will align with your thoughts and desires. At the beginning of your journey it will not be easy, but over time you will feel pleasure, which is not short-term, not a sugar substitute, but a wonderful reality.
It is worth noting that 40% of famous personalities are introverts. “Introverts achieve success because of their inner strength and tendency to think before they act. When faced with an important decision, introverts care little about what other people think of them,” says Chris Uhland, CEO of SkyeTec and an introvert.