Marty Olsen Laney
An introvert is a personality type that is focused more on their inner world and less on the outside. Despite their unsociability, introverts can be very pleasant and interesting conversationalists if you communicate with them correctly on topics that interest them. These thoughtful people can tell a lot, and they also know how to listen to others. Also, introverts often turn out to be quite loyal and reliable friends that you can rely on. But to become an introvert’s friend, you need to earn his trust, not with words, but with deeds. In general, these are very interesting and in some cases even mysterious people in whom great potential is hidden. Without any exaggeration, we can say that many introverts have a genius inside them, but it usually sleeps. And in order to wake him up and allow him to express himself fully, you need to help the introvert reveal all his inner capabilities. Such people can give a lot to the world if the world meets them halfway. Well, let's see what else interesting we can learn about introverts.
To begin with, let's think about what, in fact, do we already know about introverts? Basically, we know about them what is written about these people in books and articles on psychology, the authors of which often describe this personality type quite concisely and stereotypedly. In many books and articles that I have read, with rare exceptions, introverts are described rather superficially, so the information they contain about these people is not enough to understand who people of this type really are, what their characteristics are and advantages over the same extroverts. Therefore, I believe that we should take a closer look at introverts in order to better understand them and see in these people something that others, including introverts themselves, often do not see in them. In general, how many people have tried to understand introverts, how many have tried to understand the soul of these people, discern their capabilities and study their inner world? No, not many. After all, it is very difficult to understand a person who is closed from you, who lives in his own inner world and is not going to let everyone into it. And it’s even more difficult to help such a person reveal himself, because to do this you need to be sincerely interested in the success of this person and try in every possible way to help him achieve it. But if we do this, if we help introverts realize their inner potential, we will get more creative geniuses who will make our world a better place. Let's now see what psychology says about introverts.
Psychology, as you know, considers two personality types that are fundamentally different from each other - extroverts and introverts. These concepts were introduced by such famous psychologists as Carl Gustav Jung and Hans Jurgen Eysenck. An extrovert is a type of personality that is focused on external conditions, on the people around him, on relationships with them, in general, all his behavior is focused on external manifestation. An introvert is the complete opposite; this type of people is focused more on themselves, or more precisely, on their inner world. An introvert lives more in the inner world, not paying attention to the outer world. He is self-absorbed, not talkative, but thoughtful, often very attentive, and can delve well into many things that an extrovert perceives superficially. I believe that introverts make very good analysts, if, of course, you develop analytical abilities in them, because the calmness and prudence of such people best contribute to their study of various kinds of events and phenomena that require comprehensive consideration. I myself am more of an introvert than an extrovert, so I understand how important it is to be able to deeply immerse yourself in what you are studying. To do this, you must have not only the necessary knowledge and skills, but also the appropriate character. Well, let's first look at the typical behavior and lifestyle of an introvert, and use logical thinking, as well as knowledge of human psychology, to better understand these people.
An introvert is more of a passive person and often lacks self-confidence, but in many cases this is only visible passivity and lack of confidence. The fact is that introverts are prone to deep thinking, so their activity is more expressed in mental research, rather than in continuous actions and pretentious behavior, so from the outside it may seem like passivity.
As for self-doubt, much depends on how the introvert himself evaluates his character, his behavior and his lifestyle. After all, a person who is insecure about himself is such because his psyche is based on his own opinion of himself as an insecure person, and therefore his contacts with the outside world are limited, including for this reason, and not only because he is an introvert by nature. So, one should not judge an introvert as a self-contained person and therefore insecure, since in life such people can have a status that is quite acceptable to them. And their closed lifestyle has its advantages, sometimes quite significant ones. In general, introverts have many advantages and strengths, which many of them, unfortunately, do not know or even realize about, and therefore cannot fully develop them. However, a good psychologist can help an introvert, if he needs such help, to use his full potential to the maximum.
It's also worth noting that introverts are often very pleasant to work with. Not with everyone, of course, but with many, because they feel responsibility and devotion, which inspire trust in them. It is also very pleasant to communicate with introverts one on one. With such communication, an introverted person is able to tell much more about himself than when communicating in a company, and he is also more inclined to listen very carefully and thoughtfully to his interlocutor. Communication with an introvert is never tense, since for him any possibility of angering his interlocutor is a disaster. Introverts do not like intense and energetic conversation; they are more inclined towards calm communication, which they try to adhere to. Such people do not require collectivism, they are completely independent and can work outside of the team. Which, by the way, is not always taken into account by those for whom they work.
Since introverts do not want to attract unnecessary attention to themselves, they avoid publicity and, as they say, going on stage, they can always be spotted somewhere on the side, so to speak, on the back desk, in the corner. This, in turn, allows them to be secretive and observant, to carry out a detailed analysis of any situation, and to draw more or less objective conclusions. Introverts are often much smarter than people around them think, but they don't always demonstrate their intelligence. It is quite enough for them to draw the necessary conclusions only for themselves, to solve their current problems and tasks. They don’t like to show off in public; they don’t need it.
Communication with such people is often difficult. Therefore, for a person who wants to start a conversation with an introvert who does not want to make contact, it is important to approach the beginning of the conversation very carefully, simply and naturally, without any negative reaction to the words and actions of the introvert, since this is what he is afraid of, and therefore does not want to make contact. If you want to win over an introvert, no matter what type of personality you yourself are, you just need to clearly demonstrate your sincere interest in him, and of course, flatter him after the first word or phrase he utters. Although such people are often not stupid, nothing human is alien to them, so any admiration you have for them, even if it is obviously feigned, will definitely bring you closer to them. It is easy to win an introvert over to your side if you enter his inner world and become part of this world. But sometimes this can be done by simply applying a little pressure. Just don’t assume that if an introvert says “yes” to you, he won’t later change his decision after thinking carefully about your proposal and your words. Therefore, if you still want to get yours from such a person, strike, as they say, the iron while it is hot. That is, do not give the introvert too much time to think, get him to take the actions you need right away, if he is physically ready to take them. However, if you are an honest and decent person, or are simply in no hurry, then you do not have to rush the introvert by offering him something or putting pressure on him. Rather, on the contrary, you must give him time to think about your proposal in order to gain his trust. And then, do not forget that people are all different, regardless of their character, so when communicating with each specific person, it is necessary to take into account many of his individual characteristics so that this communication turns out to be useful for both of you. Each of us has traits of both an introvert and an extrovert, so each of us requires an individual approach.
However, one cannot ignore the fact that the more time you give an introvert to think, the higher the likelihood that he will come to the right conclusion for himself, and perhaps wrong for you, that your interests are not in his best interest. They will really be needed to help you with something and to meet you halfway in something. And so he will find a way to refuse you. So you need to talk to the introvert, so to speak, by smoothly drawing him into the conversation, in order to thus persuade him to make the decisions and actions you need. And to do this, you must first enter into a dialogue with him. And in order to enter into a dialogue with him, you must know how you can interest him. Despite the fact that introverts do not experience an urgent need for communication, like extroverts, they are still people, and you don’t even need to be a psychologist to understand that every person needs communication and attention. Therefore, in relation to introverts, it is better to be more courageous, assertive and behave confidently, but not arrogantly, if with calm and balanced communication you cannot get the desired reaction from them. Don't assume that all introverts are the same and that they all require the same approach. Nothing like this. Such people can be flexible like plasticine, which at the slightest pressure takes the shape you need, or they can be as strong as steel, which not only cannot be broken by force and pressure, but, on the contrary, can be hardened even more. Therefore, be careful when communicating with introverts, carefully study the inner world of these people, delving into every word they utter, before choosing an appropriate model of behavior with them.
Thanks to my own observations, I believe that there must be activity in communicating with an introvert. Even if you yourself belong to this type of people, if you yourself do not like to make contact with other people unless absolutely necessary, then in order to interest an introvert in something, you will have to become more active, courageous and self-confident. That is, if necessary, you can put on the mask of an active and self-confident person for a while in order to agree on something with the introvert from this position. Then your nature will still come out, but it won’t make you any worse, because the main thing is to establish contact with the person, the main thing is to gain his trust and interest him in you. And for this, all means are good, because only with full communication with each other can we get a lot of benefit from each other. We are all different people, each of us needs to find our own key. In one case, it will be useful to adapt to the person so that he agrees to establish contact with you, in another, you need to be the complete opposite of the person so that he himself shows interest in you.
One should not think that an introvert is more drawn to people with a similar character, because some introverts absolutely unreasonably consider themselves inferior members of society, and therefore dislike both themselves and others who are introverts just like them. This is an erroneous position, but an insecure introverted person, dissatisfied with his life, considers it to be correct, therefore he is drawn not to people like himself, but to extroverts, that is, to those whom he considers more self-confident people. In general, of course, Carl Jung gave a good definition of different types of people, but in general it all comes down to the same self-confidence, which extroverts often have more than introverts. So a person with a high position in society often turns out to be an extrovert. However, as a rule, both of these types live in a person, so it is most often not necessary to talk about pronounced introverts or extroverts. In addition, a person’s behavior can change throughout his life, depending on circumstances, so many qualities of his character are not constant. During my practice, I have more than once observed changes in human behavior that occurred due to the influence of various external factors on him. Moreover, I myself helped this happen when it was needed. So introverts can become more like extroverts if a number of actions taken on their psyche change their attitude towards themselves and others. And extroverts, accordingly, can become similar to introverts, both by their own free will and by the will of external factors. Make the most silent person removed from society more confident in himself, and you will see that he also has a voice, has his own idea of how something should be arranged, has his own opinion, which he will definitely begin to express.
Confidence, my friends, does wonders for people. And no matter what type of personality a person belongs to, it is this person’s self-confidence that largely determines his behavior and activity in society. And that means his success. So, my friends, no matter what type of person you are, you can achieve anything you want in life if you actively engage in self-development. I understand that this sounds somewhat banal, but nevertheless, this is a very relevant parting word, especially in our time, when people have truly tremendous opportunities. Introversion and extroversion are simply the most common criteria for categorizing personality in psychology. Don't pay too much attention to him. In fact, your personality is much more complex, much more interesting and mysterious. You just need to develop it in yourself, so as not to be just an introvert or an extrovert, or something else according to various psychologists, but to be a person who combines many different character traits, and just an interesting person.
So it doesn't matter whether you are an introvert or an extrovert. You just need to understand how to get along with this world, how to find your place in it, how to achieve your goals so that your life is not in vain. Your inner world should not conflict with the outer world or be opposed to it. He must shape it. In this world everything exists in harmony. Therefore, when the human psyche is not depressed, and when a person is full of self-confidence, then no matter who he is, everything in life will be fine. Introverts, and not only them, need to strive with all their might to reveal their capabilities, they need to realize their potential, and it is truly enormous for them. Then it will only be better for them and the whole world.
All people, according to their mental characteristics, are divided into introverts and extroverts. A person belonging to one type or another is distinguished by behavioral characteristics and the direction of internal energy. Who are introverts? What are their characteristics and how can they get along with extroverts?
Introvert - who is it?
Most people in our world are extroverts. They are open to communication, easily come into contact with others, love noisy companies and new experiences. However, there are also people of a different mental make-up to whom the concept of “introvert” is applicable. Who are they and how do they differ from extroverts?
Introverts are people whose energy is directed inward. They are not prone to open expression of emotions, are secretive, and do not share their thoughts and experiences with others. Introverts have difficulty withstanding society and feel uncomfortable in large companies, especially with strangers. They are not the first to make contact, and even close friends do not always know them well.
In a world where most people are not like them, introverts have it pretty hard. Very often they experience severe mental anguish, worry and become fixated on certain situations. At the same time, the anxieties of introverts are not noticeable to others, and accordingly, no one seeks to provide them with psychological help and support.
Peculiarities of introvert behavior
Determining that you are an introvert is not always easy. Very often such people try to “put on the mask of an extrovert.” In appearance, they seem sociable and sociable. However, in conversation they in every possible way avoid talking about themselves, their opinions about certain things. Introverts will easily chat about distant topics, but as soon as the conversation turns to them personally, they will try in every possible way to avoid answering. Such people have very few friends, and to those who do, they rarely open up completely.
The peculiarity of introverts is that they find it difficult to tolerate any company. Such people are most comfortable alone with themselves. They tend to engage in introspection, delve into their inner world, and deal with sensations and experiences.
Introverts are always calm in appearance. It is difficult to piss them off, just as it is difficult to make them laugh. Introverts listen more than they talk. They will think several times before saying something, and will evaluate the consequences of their words before doing so. It's difficult to tell introverts' appearance what kind of mood they're in right now. All their emotions are hidden deep inside and are inaccessible to the interlocutor.
Introverts are very punctual people. They are almost never late. Such people will approach any work with maximum responsibility, doing everything clearly and in accordance with the rules. An introvert's day is usually clearly planned. They do not like spontaneous actions and adventures. If something does not go according to plan, they begin to get nervous and worry.
Main types of introverts
All introverts can be divided into two large subgroups: sensory and intuitive. They have their own characteristics in behavior and worldview. Each of these two types of introverts also has its own subtypes.
A sensory introvert loves precision everywhere and in everything. He is not satisfied with vague answers to questions and uncertainty. He lives in the present, rarely thinks about the future and remembers the past. At work, sensory introverts concentrate on only one task and always complete it. He needs clear instructions and directions; only in this case will he cope with the task. People belonging to this type of introvert are very fond of order at home and at work. They need everything to be in its place. Another characteristic feature of sensory introverts is the ability to clearly see individual details, but at the same time they do not perceive the full picture of what is happening.
Intuitive introverts, unlike sensory introverts, can multitask. They easily switch from one activity to another. In an attempt to find himself, an intuitive introvert can try many different professions. Such people do not like to understand small details; they consider it boring and uninteresting. They often think about the future, sometimes forgetting that they live here and now.
Ethical-sensory type of introverts
People of this type value beauty and harmony. They have a keen sense of nature and other people. The world of emotions is extremely important for ethical-sensory introverts. They have good taste and always dress stylishly and unusually.
In a conversation, an ethical-sensory introvert can easily adapt to the interlocutor. In appearance he seems to be a very sociable and pleasant person, but he can only be frank with close people. This type of introvert tries to avoid conflicts, cannot stand criticism, and has a hard time with jealousy and mistrust. Such people do not strive to be leaders.
In work, an ethical-sensory introvert loves logic and orderliness. Does not accept confusing explanations or conflicting information. Such people do not like to be late; they try to be on time everywhere and always. They can work productively only in comfortable physical and emotional conditions.
Ethical-intuitive type of introverts
Ethical-intuitive introvert - who is he? The behavior of these people is always dominated by emotions. They make decisions based solely on their feelings, and sometimes completely forget about common sense. Such people have many hobbies and often switch from one activity to another. At work, they need strict control and regulation of the working day, since they cannot independently plan their time correctly.
Ethical-intuitive introverts always look good and know how to make a positive impression on others. These people are pleasant and friendly, endowed with a sense of humor, but their mood can change dramatically, so they seem unpredictable. Ethical-intuitive introverts periodically need solitude. They love to think and deal with their emotions.
Sensory-logical introvert
A person belonging to this type of introvert is endowed with strong logical thinking. He has a practical approach to everything. The sensory-logical introvert loves power and strives to occupy high positions. Career is very important for such people.
Sensory-logical introverts love order and observe it in everything. Every thing should be in its place. Such people value home comfort and make every effort to create it.
In relationships with people, sensory-logical introverts try to behave correctly and politely, even if they do not like the person. At the same time, they are quite distrustful and suspicious, and therefore extremely careful with strangers.
Logical-intuitive type of introverts
Logical-intuitive introvert - who is he? People of this type can be called theorists. They carefully analyze all the events that happen to them, they like to develop and think about new ideas, but in practice they are not able to implement them. All actions of these introverts have a logical basis. They are accustomed to objectively assessing both situations and people.
Logical-intuitive introverts are very trusting and friendly. They strive to help others, are ready to listen and support. However, such people practically do not show emotions in communication, and therefore they are often considered indifferent and callous.
The work must be of interest to a logical-intuitive introvert. Otherwise he will not be able to carry it out. People of this type greatly value comfort, but cannot create it themselves, so they need a caring life partner. They are suitable for emotional people who are able to give them a boost of positive energy.
The most suitable professions for introverts
The choice of profession is undoubtedly very important for a person. In the same field, an extrovert and an introvert can achieve completely different results. To prevent work from turning into hell, you need to understand yourself and determine what type of introvert you are. Choosing the right profession will determine how successful a person you will become.
Basically, all introverts try to find a job where contact with people is minimized. However, some choose a creative profession, while others are interested in exact sciences. Thus, logical introverts will feel comfortable in the position of programmer or accountant. Their personality traits will help them cope with such work perfectly. Sensory and intuitive introverts are more suited to creative professions such as designer or florist.
Extreme degrees of introversion
As a rule, every person contains traits of both an introvert and an extrovert. Depending on situations and mood, we can be sociable and cheerful, or, conversely, withdraw into ourselves.
Even those people who have predominant traits of introverts, as a rule, exist in society without problems. They have friends, family, a favorite job, they go to parties and are practically no different from extroverts. It’s just that sometimes they need solitude and don’t open up to everyone.
However, there are also people in whom introversion takes extreme forms. They develop social phobia. Such introverts try to completely avoid communicating with people. They stop attending parties, making acquaintances, going on dates, and are very afraid to change jobs.
A person suffering from social phobia has low self-esteem and believes that both his appearance and his character are terrible. An introvert with an extreme form of manifestation is afraid of negative evaluation from others. It seems to him that in crowded places everyone looks at him with condemnation.
Social phobia is a disease that requires specialized treatment. A person cannot cope with it on his own.
Interactions between introverts and extroverts
As you know, in our world there are many more extroverts than introverts. Accordingly, the latter have to adapt to difficult conditions for them. This process is described in detail in the book The Invincible Introvert.
It all starts during school years, when introverts often get lower grades because they are afraid or do not want to answer the teacher’s questions, although they know the answer. Parents invade the personal space of their introverted child, not allowing him to be alone and sending him outside to play with other children.
In adulthood, introverts may have problems at work, especially in cases where their position involves interacting with people. They find it difficult to participate in discussions, attend corporate events, make phone calls and negotiate. It can be extremely difficult for introverts to adapt to extroverts, especially in cases where they do not want or try to understand them.
How to approach introverts
Extroverts can also find it very difficult to establish relationships with introverts. These two types of people think completely differently, so it is not easy for them to understand each other. Extroverts may want to read The Invincible Introvert to better understand what they are like.
To make your communication with introverts productive, you need to remember a few rules. Firstly, the meeting must be arranged in advance. You cannot unexpectedly intrude on an introvert, as he needs time to prepare. Secondly, in a conversation you should not rush your interlocutor. He cannot instantly formulate an answer and give it out. Pauses when talking with an introvert are normal. Thirdly, remember that introverts are very vulnerable. They react painfully to inattention.
If you manage to win the trust of an introvert, he will open his unique inner world to you and become your best friend.
Each person is unique and inimitable. We all have an individual combination of qualities and experiences that cannot be found in another person. However, human nature has the ability and need to classify everything that surrounds us, including human behavior. The ability to determine which group (character type, etc.) a person belongs to is very important. This allows us to find a common language with others and predict their behavior. We are first taught by our parents to identify human types, and then we become acquainted with the basics of various scientific classifications in the process of receiving education. However, this does not always help us to correctly understand others.
One of the very first psychological classifications that we are taught about in school is the division of people into introverts and extroverts. Before determining whether a given student is an introvert or an extrovert, we are asked to fill out a simple questionnaire. Then the points are calculated and the type is determined. The teacher reads out a short description for each student. And it immediately becomes noticeable that being an extrovert is much more pleasant than having the character of an introvert. It seems that extroverts are such cheerful fellows, and the introvert personality type implies sadness and complexes, and it’s not interesting to be friends with them.
Introvert personality type
Why is it that there is a false impression about introverts? After all, introversion and extroversion are just directions of a person’s interest, an emphasis on what attracts him more: the external or internal world. Of course, the outer world is beautiful and diverse, but the inner world of each person is completely unique. If we take interest in the external as “correct,” we may get the false impression that being interested in the content of one’s own “I” and living by it is a sure guarantee of general failure and difficulties in modern society. And it is on this basis that some people do not see the advantages of introverts and begin to equate introversion with something painful and requiring correction. Moreover, they often start talking about the problems of introverts, which are supposedly inherent in their character at the genetic level.
There is some truth in this. True, everything is based not on “vices”, but on the general orientation of modern culture. An extrovert is more desirable and more in demand. This type is promoted as happy and promising. Moreover, very often glossy magazines, if they do not directly report, then quite clearly hint that if you have the characteristics of an introvert, then you need to remake yourself, somehow get a grip, otherwise nothing in life will work out.
The character of an introvert and myths about introverts
Most often, such opinions are based on myths about introverts, and not on reality. It is the myths about introverts that determine people’s judgment of introversion as a quality that determines social failure. But this is absolutely not true. For example, if we assume that introversion is a contraindication to a successful social life, then there should be no introverts among famous actors. And there are many of them. Famous Hollywood stars include Julia Roberts, Harrison Ford, Tom Hanks, Steve Martin and Meryl Streep. You may like them or not, but it is absolutely impossible to call them cut off from the life of society and immersed in their fantasies.
What makes the image of introverts so unattractive? Here are some of the most common misconceptions. Judge for yourself how close they are to the truth.
Introverts don't like to talk. In fact, introverts love to talk, but they don’t really like irrelevant conversations or just chatter. They tend to think about a topic first and then speak out. Therefore, in the company of extroverts, who often talk first and think later, introverts may stand out as less talkative.
Introverts are shy. Shyness is not a quality of introversion in itself. It sometimes accompanies social anxiety and phobias and, in general, does not always prevent a person from somehow adapting in life. Some people, being extroverts, can be shy in certain situations. So, shyness is not a synonym and an obligatory accompaniment of introversion. Introverts are rude. This myth is based on the fact that if an introvert is pestered for a very long time with demands, to join a team, or to do something that is not typical for him, the introvert can react quite sharply and violently. However, the majority of introverts prefer not to quarrel or conflict with others, but simply to step aside. This is not impolite. It is rather simply a lack of interest in the fuss and “extroverted fun” accepted in society. If their departure seems abrupt and inexplicable, this does not mean that the introvert had a desire to offend someone.
Introverts don't like people and prefer to be alone. This is true, but only partial. People who have the introvert characteristic do not like large crowds of people and too much communication. Noisy gatherings of people take away a lot of their mental strength, and they quickly get tired. On the other hand, introverts are never averse to spending time with a small circle of friends and having thoughtful conversations with them.
Introverts are weird. Very often introverts are confused with people with schizoid accentuation. The latter also prefer a narrow circle of people and do not strive for intense social connections. Thus, they may be introverted, but not every introvert is schizoid. The tactic of avoiding large crowds and having fun may seem strange to flamboyant extroverts, but, as discussed above, this is due to their rapid exhaustion in the center of the hustle and bustle and low interest in external “glitz”.
Introverts are smart. It is assumed that if an introvert is not having fun with everyone else, he must sit down with smart books. But away from the hustle and bustle, there is absolutely no need to indulge in binge reading. Hobbies and pastimes for introverts are quite different. Some people make crafts, some knit, some watch TV, and some go to the mountains.
Introverts don't know how to relax and enjoy life. Here again we are talking about setting priorities. Yes, introverts prefer a calmer atmosphere and a narrow circle of people they like. Moreover, their like-minded people will not necessarily be introverts. Introverts, just like extroverts, love to laugh, joke and be cheerful. The only difference is that extroverts prefer breadth in communication and entertainment, while introverts prefer depth.
Introverts are simply complex people who can become extroverts if they want. This cannot be corrected, because this is the type of mental organization that people are born with. But if a person is burdened by some problems in communicating with other representatives of society, then he can easily master the skills of effective communication and outwardly be no different from other people. At the same time, interest in internal processes and immersion in one’s own emotions will not go away, they will simply disappear from the eyes of outside observers.
Introvert problems
Social phobias are one of the most common problems among introverts. Modern society requires people to be extroverted as a key to success. A lot of introverts try to force the situation and force themselves to be like everyone else. It seems that sociability and cheerfulness protect against disappointments and worries. Introverts make several attempts to “go out in public” and impress society, but since the crowd is not their element, they receive little return from those around them.
The fact is that, despite the habit of introverts to be “to themselves,” in communication they are more likely to give than to consume. They are good listeners and deeply empathize with the problems of others. Often, investing one hundred percent, they do not receive from society the same return that they are capable of themselves. Among the “talkers” it is difficult for them to get a word in edgewise. And they are not used to inserting words just like that. Sometimes all these moments cause a feeling of alienation in society and the fear of being completely rejected.
However, all these problems can be solved. Knowing about the characteristics of your nervous system, you need to more carefully calculate your strength in communicating with the outside world. After all, introversion can bring not only difficulties in life, but also advantages.
Introverts are wonderful friends who are emotionally deeply involved in the lives of their loved ones, always ready to share difficulties and provide moral support. They speak little, but their word and advice are worth their weight in gold, because they are thoughtful and balanced. So, if there is an introvert next to you who seems boring and lackluster, take a closer look. Maybe this is the very friend you are missing in your life.
The science
People are usually divided into personality types based on whether they are introverts or extroverts. But in many of us the characteristics get along well, characteristic of both.
Imagine a person whom others clearly see as an undeniable extrovert, always attracting attention with his broad personality traits.
How surprised they would be to learn that such a person urgently needs personal space, where he would happily spend a lot of time, say, reading books!
Does this mean that such a person has a split personality, or is something wrong going on with his psyche? Not at all. This only means that the polarization into extroverts and introverts is very conditional.
Perhaps you yourself belong to a similar category of people - open, sociable, but craving personal space? Then you - extroverted introvert.
Here are 19 signs of this personality type that may help you stop worrying about your mood swings.
Human personality type
1. Just because you remain silent doesn't mean you don't want to talk.
It just seems to you that your thoughts are unlikely to interest anyone. And therefore, you are more likely to listen to someone, especially if you know that your interlocutor needs to be listened to.
2. Just because you enjoy being around people doesn't mean you want to talk to them.
Generally speaking, having conversations is not that easy and requires a lot of effort from an extroverted introvert! And you don’t need this: for you, sometimes just being in the company of others is already a certain kind of happiness. And even if it sounds a little strange, it’s a fact!
3. You prefer one-on-one communication than in a group of people. But even there you are a listener, not a storyteller.
Face-to-face communication is more intimate than group communication. And you like this form of communication. Moreover, during a one-on-one conversation you have the opportunity get to know your interlocutor better.
In addition, in this format of communication you have more opportunities to conduct a dialogue about what YOU are interested in, what YOU care about. When communicating in a group of people who talk about everything and nothing, you get a lot of unnecessary and unnecessary information.
4. You sometimes give up on messages and calls because you don’t feel like communicating. With no one!
This is not happening at all because you hate people, are in a bad mood, or, God forbid, are depressed. It’s just that sometimes you are surrounded by other people so often that you get tired of empty conversations or even correspondence on social networks and instant messengers.
You suddenly all desire to communicate disappears- no more! You are quite capable of going for a walk with friends, however, being in such a mood, you would not want them to provoke you into any activity or conversation.
5. You don't mind being introduced to new people, but you want to be warned about this in advance.
You are not at all against making new acquaintances with people and expanding your social circle. On the other hand, such acquaintances are a kind of challenge for you. This kind of pastime tires you out quite a lot.
So you literally have to prepare mentally for new people to communicate with them, or, if you want, to socialize in advance. In other words, you should put yourself in the right mood in which you don't mind talking a little.
Psychological characteristics of an extroverted introvert
6. Despite the fact that you need solitude, you sometimes feel so lonely...
There is no contradiction here. And, if this symptom is exactly yours, this does not mean that there is something wrong with your brain. You just need a certain balance between giving yourself the opportunity to be alone, but not feeling lonely!
Sometimes you need to stop feeling lonely, you just need to go outside your house or apartment. However, it is so nice, calm and cozy there that you would rather stay inside – even if you feel lonely!
7. It's hard to get you out of the house, but you have a great time when you do.
Sometimes you really force yourself to go out somewhere. And again, this is not because you don’t want to go out. You just immediately have the thought: “What if I get bored?” Or this thought (if you are called to the theater): “What if there are no tickets?”
Sometimes you hesitate to go out because you think that you are being called out of politeness. Basically, you start digging around in your head, looking for a lot of reasons not to go. Which, in fact, you yourself then use as an excuse for your reluctance to go out in public.
8. Sometimes you are happy to chat with anyone, but as soon as you get bored, you demand silence.
It's quite normal. You have already spent so much energy on conversations that are unusual for you that now you definitely need to spend some time in silence, in silence. If you want, you just need to recharge for the next such dash!
9. You are not the most talkative person in the company. But if someone even less talkative needs socialization, you can count on
Well, you will really agree to have a heart-to-heart chat if the need arises for someone from your environment. Someone who finds it even harder than you to socialize in a group.
In other words, if you see that someone you know who is extremely difficult to bring themselves to communicate with people (a clear introvert) needs friendly advice or words of encouragement, you will gladly try to help such a person with a conversation or a kind word.
10. You are always immersed in your thoughts, even if from the outside it seems that you are not.
To give an example, say, at a party, it seems to those around you that you are going all out, forgetting about everything in the world. In fact, your thoughts continue to run their course, and you are actively analyzing the situation around you or solving some pressing issue.
Behavioral personality type ideal for a leader
11. Your sociability coupled with your analytical skills makes you a potential leader.
People like you know how to have fun without losing your head, without losing sight of the need to solve current problems and issues. That is why they often find themselves in leadership positions, or are engaged in serious analytical activity.
At the same time, the extroverted introvert does not at all need to be praised for his abilities; he’s not even interested in talking about his own coolness and talents. And this is another reason for those around you to see you as a true leader.
If the need arises to give a speech in front of a large crowd, you will step forward and do it. You are capable of making decisions if the situation requires it of you. But you always analyze yourself soberly, usually not having the highest opinion of your talents.
Sometimes you yourself are not ready to believe that you have a sufficient set of qualities, which a good leader needs. Most often, having done something, you begin to think that you could have done it even better, and therefore external praise is perceived by you as flattery.
12 . You want your hard work to be recognized. But you often feel like you're not worth it
Yes, you don't need praise and recognition. But, if you work hard and conscientiously, you need your work to be appreciated. But at this very moment the thought comes to your mind: “Am I worth even a minute of other people’s attention?”
It looks like insoluble contradiction. If such feelings fight within you, then you begin to work even more intensely, with even more complete dedication. And this is another reason to consider you as the most suitable person for a leadership position.
13. People think you like to flirt. But this is far from true
You are well aware that communication with other people is a necessary part of life. You deliberately force yourself to communicate, and therefore you sincerely want to convince the interlocutor of your genuine interest in him.
14. You feel angry at yourself for wanting to stay home because you don't want to let your friends down.
And this is another reason why you sometimes force yourself to get out of the house, even if you really don’t want to. You want to show your friends that they are the reason you went out, not because you enjoy being out and about.
15. You love cafes and companies. But you are always a little closed and reserved
You really like to be around people (even among strangers), so you can often be seen in cafes, restaurants, and at parties. It seems strange, considering the fact that you are rarely in the mood to talk to them.
A person who is not familiar with your personality type may wonder - Why would you even go there? But for you, the answer to this question is obvious: you realize the importance of communication with other people, so you spend time with them, demonstrating your attention to them at least by your presence and ability to listen.
16. You are in a constant state of struggle to control your introversion.
How does this usually happen? Yes, it’s very simple: you suddenly suddenly catch yourself thinking that you have closed yourself off from the world around you; that you are completely immersed in your thoughts and may not be of interest to others. And at the same time there may be a crowd of people around you!
And then you once again say to yourself: “Oh, no, it’s happening again! I definitely need to talk to someone!” And no matter how much you want to be alone, you force yourself to be involved in communication. At least so that you don’t have to spend half the night soul-searching again!
17. You really don’t like empty talk.
If you have the opportunity to avoid empty, meaningless conversation, you will definitely do so. At the same time, you would sincerely like to know more about your interlocutor, about his opinion on the issue that interests you.
You will also be interested to hear about his plans, his family life, and work. But you don't care about conversations about bad or good weather. However, if the topic of weather is something that genuinely interests you at the moment, you will be happy to discuss the weather too!
18 . You don't have a wide circle of friends
Despite your wide social circle, you make friends much more selectively. You usually have one or two close friends. If there are two, then they may be from different companies and even different social groups. But these are real friends for life, for whom you are ready to do anything.
19. Your attention to another person is always sincere. And that's why it's flattering to other people.
This is true. You will not waste your time on a person in whom you are not interested - no matter how much he strives for it. And if you have met someone several times, then this person can definitely be sure that you are interested in him.
He identifies two fundamentally different personality types: introverts and extroverts.
Extroverts They call such people whose behavior is focused on others.
Introverts– individuals whose behavior is self-oriented or inward-oriented.
Extroverts have behavior in which any person strives to:
To communicate with people
Find attention from others
Participate in public speaking
Participate in large companies, crowded events or parties.
Extroverts often choose jobs where they have to constantly interact with people. They can be an excellent toastmaster, an event or show organizer, an official managing a group of people.
Introverts are characterized by behavior in which they withdraw into comfortable solitude, immersing themselves in internal thoughts and experiences, creativity, or observing various processes. An introvert can make a good scientist, researcher, writer or individual entrepreneur. If an extrovert needs the presence of other people for complete comfort, then an introvert needs to be alone.
Energy aspect for introverts and extroverts
What is the reason for the coexistence of two such different personality types? We all understand perfectly well that a person is much more complex than his anatomical structure. And an important part of this complex mechanism is the energy aspect. Agree, almost all processes occurring in the human body are inextricably linked with energy expenditure, therefore the method of replenishing it is an important element of the life activity and behavior of such an individual. In the usual case, a person receives a “charge of energy” through breathing, nutrition and sleep. During sleep, a person’s energy is restored, since the costs of other processes are minimized (the physical body, for example, does not make any movements during sleep, and the mental body finishes processing the thoughts and ideas that worried the person during the day, and the needs of the astral body are kept to a minimum, and the energy generated and stored during sleep gives a person the opportunity to perform actions and work productively throughout the next day.That is why after sleep we feel relaxed and rested, while filled with new strength and energy.
However, it should be understood that not all people “experience” such fulfillment equally. As you know, extroverts lack the energy they receive during sleep. To function fully, they are forced to look for energy reserves in society. They do this successfully, gaining energy from communication and interaction with different people. Actually, this is what makes extroverts unconsciously seek communication, try to attract attention and speak in public. In other words, be the center of attention.
Introverts, on the other hand, have enough energy reserves, which they receive during sleep, and then live and interact all day thanks to this energy. This allows them to successfully complete their business or engage in creative work alone. They do not have a passion for communicating with other people; they are comfortable and alone with their “I”.
By the way, the well-known term “energy vampire,” which all famous psychoanalysts have been writing about lately, confirms the words that a person of an extroverted type needs communication. He needs energy recharge and receives it from people, while using a non-constructive image for this. In other words, an “energy vampire” is an extrovert who gains energy while causing harm to others and harming their psyche (through provocations, fears, resentments, meaningless accusations, reckless criticism, etc.). But despite this, most extroverts still gain energy from doing good and benefiting people.
How to recognize an introvert and an extrovert?
How to recognize an extrovert and an introvert? To do this, first of all, you should observe the person. After all, the whole essence of each of us is 99 percent manifested in behavior. Most likely, you have encountered such a situation. An elderly lady gets on the tram. A young man sitting on a seat suddenly begins to read a magazine or doze off, and another serious man asks to give up his seat to an old woman who has entered. The young man reluctantly gets up, and a satisfied grandmother quickly takes his place. If we analyze this situation energetically, it turns out that the young man is an introvert, immersed only in his own problems and interests. A serious man (an extrovert) managed to take care of his grandmother and preserved his energy. After all, he did not give up his seat, but at the same time he received the energy of an irritated teenager, energy in the form of gratitude from an old woman, as well as the energy of passengers sitting next to him who were worried about their place. Moreover, he received a charge from passengers who supported the fact that older people should be given way.
If during a break at work you went into the break room and saw a person cheerfully telling jokes to sophisticated colleagues, you can safely say that the speaker is a real extrovert who brings smiles and pleasure to people, and in return receives energy from their attention.
And in general, in any business you can see both types. Each of these individuals has their own advantages and disadvantages. You should try to use the advantages of each type 100 percent, and gradually turn the disadvantages into advantages.
Let's consider the advantages of an introvert in working as a manager.
A comfortable communication style for the client (making your interlocutor angry is a real disaster for an introvert).
Ability to work alone (no need to constantly be in front of others).
Among the advantages of an extrovert, the following should be noted:
They easily come into any contact (including with introverts, there is no fear of a possible negative reaction).
There is no fear of public speaking at all (the more people sit in the room, the more attention the extrovert receives, and as a result, energy).
Of course, there are also disadvantages. For introverts this is:
Difficulties in communication (there is no need for new contacts, because there is a fear of causing a negative reaction).
Reluctance to speak publicly and go on stage (since introverts do not have a need to attract attention).
For extroverts:
Lack of concern for the comfortable state of clients (sometimes there is even a negative reaction at the energy level, but this suits them).
They often turn public speeches into brawls and farces (after all, the main thing is to recharge with energy, not to solve problems).
How can you help yourself achieve the maximum if you have a certain potential? First, realize and determine what type of personality you are. There are many tests to determine personality. Then analyze your behavior and answer the following questions:
Are you comfortable doing what you love alone?
Do you easily make contact with others?
Do you like performing in public places?
On the train, do you prefer to be silent or communicate?
What if I'm an introvert or an extrovert?
If you have discovered an introvert or an extrovert in yourself?
After that, justify your type. If you are an introvert, try to learn how to interact and contact people in such a way that you have and receive only positive reactions from the listener or interlocutor. And for this it is very important to learn to listen and put his interests first. Perhaps introverts must learn to evoke a positive reaction from their opponent from the first word.
If you are an extrovert, then it is very important to learn how to manage the communication process and stop it when it causes a negative reaction from the interlocutor. We all recognize that a negative reaction from a client will not be helpful or advance the cause, even if it has a noble effect on the astral body of the extrovert. Therefore, an extrovert needs to learn to respect himself and his interlocutor, put his interests first, and his energy preferences second.
Even the process of energy and emotional content of a lecture differs between an extrovert and an introvert. The introvert begins to tell the lecture calmly and quietly, gradually increasing emotional content and reaching a climax towards the end of the story. The following is typical for extroverts: at the beginning there is some kind of extraordinary beginning (this can be either a joke or an offer to get up and warm up, later rhetorical questions may arise).
The potential of each of us is filled with the ability to express ourselves in these two types. And sometimes, as an altruist, all you need to do is develop the necessary skills.
If an individual easily manages his introversion and extroversion, both options for speaking are available to him.
Thus, all successful people by nature can have both an extroverted and introverted side. But both of them simply must learn opposition skills. And you will see that the owner of such abilities will gradually become an altruist, a person who can respect both his own interests and the interests of others (no matter who it is: a loved one or a client) and as a result receive maximum success in all his affairs.
But a new question arises: if it is so simple and easy to divide people into extroverts and introverts, then why are these two types different from each other? The whole secret is that each energy center in our body can have extroverted and introverted parts independently of the other chakras. There are no “pure”, 100% introverts and extroverts, but “mixed” ones are the majority. This is what determines the variety of extroverted manifestations in individuals.