In one of the previous articles (), we talked about how important it is to be able to respect someone else’s position, someone else’s point of view, but at the same time not give up your own. But in order to preserve your opinion and not lose it among hundreds and thousands of others, you must first form it, build it. Today we will talk about how you can build and strengthen your personal opinion.
It is easy to guess that our personal view on a certain issue is built in the process of gaining experience. We experience certain situations in life, analyze, draw conclusions, and from this we get some conclusion, a result. A simple example.
You went to an exhibition of paintings by an artist unfamiliar to you. You liked his work in general, some left you indifferent, some you didn’t like. These emotions will be the main building blocks for form your opinion about the work of this artist. And if you are asked what you think about this, you will have something to answer. For example, that you like the work in general, but there are some paintings that are incomprehensible or even unpleasant.
In such cases, it is important not to confuse your opinion with your desire to think in a certain way. A view of a situation cannot be formed just because you yourself wanted to build just such a point of view. It is formed on the basis of experience and inference. An opinion taken out of thin air is actually not much different from a simple whim. “I want to think this way” and “I think this way” are different concepts.
What are you talking about?
To build your opinion, you need to clearly understand the subject about which it is being built. Moreover, the deeper you penetrate into the essence of the issue, the more complete and flexible your point of view will be.
Using the same example of an exhibition of paintings. In each specific picture you can clarify what you liked, why, and what you didn’t like. You can break the entire exhibition into blocks (for yourself) and say that, for example, the still life paintings are not bright enough as you thought. Portraits in general are very interesting, but certain work turned out to be the most expressive due to the realistic transfer of the mood of the person from whom the portrait was painted, with an emphasis on the gaze, eyes.
A deeper penetration into the question and emphasized specificity (you are talking about something specific, and not vaguely abstract in general) will help you form your opinion, which will be respected and listened to carefully. Because you will know what you are talking about. And this is appreciated in any conversation. Your position will be respected because it is specific but deep.
How do you say?
Have own opinion- This is a sign of a strong personality. But, excuse me, man is a bio-SOCIAL being. And no matter how self-sufficient he may be, he needs to establish himself in society. And that’s why we need our own opinion, so as not to get lost, to highlight our individuality in society. And for this purpose it is not enough to have a strong point of view, you also need to be able to express it.
Before expressing your opinion, you need to clearly define the concepts with which you are going to operate. And if you want to be heard, then try to choose words that are understandable to your interlocutor. If you talk to an artist about biochemistry, and even in scientific terms, it is unlikely to make any sense. The interlocutor simply will not understand not only your position, but in general the question as a whole will remain beyond his understanding.
In addition, you must initially find out whether you are talking about the same thing, otherwise your discussion will turn into a waste of time, or even worse, into an argument. Since you will prove different things to each other. For example, when discussing any equipment, say speakers, you will talk about the same manufacturer, but about different series of products, and it is quite natural that they have completely different parameters, and in this case you and your opponent simply do not you will understand each other. Therefore, when starting a discussion, make sure that all participants in the conversation are talking about the same thing, and when they say “columns,” everyone means columns, and not speakers, for example.
It is completely logical to rely on indisputable facts when presenting your view. As mentioned above, personal opinion should not be taken out of thin air; let your interlocutor understand that you came to this conclusion through logical reasoning.
And one more equally important point. When expressing your opinion, respect the position of others. Explain in such a way that people do not feel that you are trying to convince them, but that they understand that you are simply sharing your thoughts with them.
If you often rely on other people's opinions, know that everyone has their own tastes, values, character, and what is good for others is not always good for you. Therefore it is worth have your own opinion and lean on it. Take the following recommendations into account, they will help you defend your opinion!
So, how to learn to defend your opinion:
1. Gain self-confidence
I think you know what to say and defend personal opinion often it’s not easy at all. In order to defend your opinion, you need self-confidence and strong character.
- So that fear does not force you to hide behind the backs of more confident colleagues, you you need to know and understand your strengths and weaknesses well and be able to use them.
- It happens that you do not fully understand a topic where you need to express your point of view. Fill the knowledge gap you will be helped by those who are well versed in this area, and you will be able to argue your personal opinion.
- If you have a short temper never express your opinion rashly– you can harm yourself. Chill and think, perhaps you will have a different point of view on the problem.
- If someone imposes their opinion on you, Think carefully about whether you should agree. It is possible that you do not accept someone else's advice only because you want to go against it, in which case you will only harm yourself.
2. Trust your feelings
We have all made mistakes about other people and it is very unpleasant. If you rely entirely on someone else's opinion when getting to know a person, this is a mistake. Thus, you can refuse a relationship with a person who in the future could become your true friend or loved one.
- To learn to understand people, you you need to see the whole person with all the advantages and disadvantages. You can accept him as he is and avoid unnecessary disappointments.
- If a friend speaks unflatteringly about your loved one, ask why she thinks so. It is possible that those shortcomings of your loved one that your girlfriend does not accept are insignificant for you. If your friend turns out to be right, and over time you become disappointed in the person you once loved, don’t be upset. After all everyone makes mistakes sometimes. In any case, trust your own intuition!
3. Stand up for your point of view
Surely there are people among your friends who literally force you to accept their point of view. Don't agree!
- Ask your interlocutor why he believes that his opinion is the only correct one. Then talk about your motives and goals, but don’t forget to show interest in the other person’s opinion. When discussing a problem, speak to the point, justify your words.
- Often a person begins to behave aggressively when his opinion is actively imposed on him, he screams and makes trouble. This will only lead to one unpleasant consequence - a break in the relationship. Therefore, you should not behave this way. Refuse calmly and with dignity, without offending anyone.
- Be sure to thank them for advice when you refuse. It is very important for people when their opinions are listened to, even if they do not act as they advised. But still, sometimes it is worth listening to other people’s opinions; it is possible that it is not those around you who are mistaken, but you.
We live in an era where it is easier for us to follow the crowd than to try to form our own opinions and have the courage to express them. If something is popular or generally accepted, it becomes doubly scary and inconvenient to go against this phenomenon. But how often have we seen in history that conventional wisdom and popularity are not the best allies of truth? This happened and happens all the time. We don't want to appear stupid or vulnerable to criticism from the public or even loved ones. We are afraid to say something that may shock many, although we ourselves understand perfectly well that the thought is correct and true. That’s why people watch television, that’s why propaganda continues to live a full life in every country in the world.
But if you continue in the same spirit and do not begin to openly express your perhaps unpopular point of view, you will never become a strong and independent person. You can never become a man of action, putting your ideas into action. There will be many people who will want to take advantage of you when they see that you cannot stand up for your ideas.
You'll be more interesting if you stop shutting yourself up. Nobody likes indecisive and shy people. Or rather, something else: they may be loved, but they are used in every possible way and do not provide any prospects. Unfortunately, living in your own microcosm is not possible in the modern world. And in yourself it is a signal for predators, who perceive it as a lack of maturity and inexperience. You must clearly demonstrate your views and knowledge in the areas you are talking about. This should not be the bravado of an armchair warrior, it should be the opinion of a specialist and an intelligent person.
You will also reduce the tension that is sure to exist between you and a person who does not understand your views. Understatement can cause mistrust, anxiety and stress. And both on your part and on the part of your interlocutor. Simply put, we will trust an opponent we know well more than a person on the street whom we have never heard a damn thing about until the moment he knocked on the door.
An important step in forming your own opinion is education. – this is not a static procedure at all, you need to do it all your life. This will give you more confidence. It is difficult to argue with the fact that an opinion that is based on facts, statistics, personal experience is much stronger than an opinion taken from TV, whose justification is based only on emptiness. Don't hold on to your stupidity, learn better and become wiser.
When you have a detailed concept of your worldview, and your point of view is substantiated and justified, you will have a great opportunity to influence other people. You can help them do the same, because this is a step forward, nothing less. Those around you will be inspired by the strength of your personality, smart people will appreciate you for your courage and courage. All this sounds beautiful and even a little pretentious, but believe me, it often works. This is how personality grows. On top of that, you will learn to influence others.
When you think, “I wish I could say...” but don’t say it, it creates a very sad picture in your brain. Desires become clogged like blood vessels with blood clots. And it is also bad for your health. It creates such a sour feeling of regret, of unfinished business. You look into the past and see many missed opportunities. If you want to get rid of regrets, you need to tell others what you think. Don't be afraid to do it. If your friends, girlfriends or colleagues cannot accept this, you are not on the same path with them. And conflicts can arise on any basis. The main thing is to remain human.
Whether you will be taken seriously depends only on you. But your solutions to problems will not appear out of nowhere. To do this, you need to trust yourself and be able to express concerns to other people. Let's say your boss suggested solving a problem in production in a certain way. He is your boss, and you need to listen to him, right? What if you know a better solution? If you don’t take the initiative and tell us about your method, you will make things worse not only for yourself, but also for the company. Therefore, many successful companies welcome initiative from below - this is the key to success.
The truth of life is that the world is ruled by the brave. They can be anything: good guys, adventurers, criminals and scoundrels, but they all do what others cannot. When you express your opinion, you automatically set yourself apart from others. You do understand that not everyone is given such a skill, right? Most obediently do what others tell them to do. You have to show heroism to break out of this circle.
There is no need to be afraid. Although there may be problems and misunderstandings, and in states where there is censorship, there may be criminal liability. But what is the meaning of a person’s life if he blindly obeys and destroys all signs of his “I”? Why should he even live then? The answer is yours.
How much our own opinions depend on the opinions of others us people? Since life in society involves communication with other people, willy-nilly we have to listen to what others say to us and about us. Some listen to the words of selected people, the so-called authorities, others pay attention to the sidelong glance of a passerby, and for some, the most important thing is the point of view of loved ones.
The degree of dependence on other people's opinions varies. And this degree largely determines human behavior. Those people who are able to adequately respond to the comments and opinions of others and extract the necessary information from them can deservedly be called independent and self-confident. And, on the contrary, if a person is unable defend your opinion, constantly relies only on the opinions of others before doing anything; most likely, he is weak-willed, withdrawn and unsure of himself.
To understand how to relate to the opinions of others, you need to understand a few points:
- What is an opinion and how is it formed?
- How do the opinions of people around us influence us?
- What goals can a person pursue when trying to instill in us his point of view?
Opinion is, to a greater extent, the vision or assessment of a situation by one person or another. Each of us makes our assessment based on our own or borrowed experience, knowledge, and skills. Consequently, everyone judges to the extent of what he has learned in his life, as well as based on his personal beliefs and character traits. Hence, own opinion any person cannot be considered the only true and correct one, and cannot be imposed as an axiom on other people.
It should also be remembered that human environment consists not only of well-wishers (parents, friends, acquaintances and just good people), who, although not always, can give useful advice by expressing their opinion. Our circle of communication also includes people (enemies, envious people, competitors...) whose opinions and whose advice can harm us. Often they pursue their own goals, wanting us to act in a certain way. Surely everyone knows what is human manipulation?! Words, phrases, expressions - these are the main strength of the manipulator. He skillfully touches the most secret strings that force us to take certain actions in response.
It is clear to everyone that friends wish us good, and enemies wish us bad. But do these desires always give the corresponding result? Of course not. Opinions of others, even if very close, may not always be pleasant and not always useful and truthful. For example, a mother who overprotects her child out of good intentions tries to protect him from everything bad, to save him from difficulties and troubles. The child takes it for granted; parents always do everything well and correctly. And as a result, a dependent child grows up, unable to solve any problems on his own, who will hide behind his mother’s skirt until old age.
It doesn’t matter whether the opinion you heard was positive or negative. It is important to think about it, weigh the pros and cons and draw conclusions. After all, if it is said, then there were some reasons, factors that gave rise to the opinion. It is worth listening to any opinion, listening and drawing conclusions: good or bad. But the determining factor should be own opinion– it is this that should play a decisive role. And if it turns out to be wrong, then you need to be able to change your mind and form your own opinion on the opinions of others and make a decision based on it. If you don’t want to offend someone close to you, even though you consider his judgments and proposals to be erroneous, you can agree with them, but do it your own way.
At the end of this article I want to quote Napoleon Hill: “ Opinion is the cheapest commodity in the world. Ask anyone and he will give you a whole bouquet. And if, when making a decision, you are based on someone else’s opinion, and not on your own, then you will not succeed in anything, least of all in turning desire into money.»
I suggest you watch the parable “Don’t listen to the opinions of others,” which explains better than any words how sometimes the opinions of others can be confusing.
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The ability to stand your ground is highly valued in the business world. The ability to defend one’s point of view, as well as to convince others of one’s own rightness, is the quality of a leader who does not want to be led by other people’s desires, but wants other people to carry out his will. If such people had not been able to insist on their own, then it is possible that today we would not see so many bright products from Apple, and perhaps this company would not exist at all. The ability to defend your point of view largely means not succumbing to manipulations and techniques from the psychology of influence. When you defend your opinion, you take responsibility for yourself and your life into your own hands, and do not go with the flow.
Taking a stand can mean disagreeing with what everyone else agrees with and always looking at things with a critical eye. This doesn't mean slamming your fist on the table at every opportunity and yelling like crazy. But this means not being offended and having an independent view of people, events and phenomena.
It is possible that the series “House M.D.” is attractive because in it the main character has his own opinion on everything and generally does a lot that each of us would be afraid to do. At the same time, he is valued and respected for this and is tolerated, because... his way of doing things saves people.
How to defend your opinion
A risky tactic that I personally use is simply physically boycotting my interlocutor. When my ex-girlfriend started eating my brain out of the blue, I just physically left, not wanting to listen to all this nonsense. It didn't look very masculine. But this is much better than waiting for the moment when I, with my balanced character, will eventually explode and lose control of myself. The method works great for both bosses and work colleagues. You just put a bolt on them all. For example, you write a letter of resignation. In such cases, sometimes it is possible to get amazingly preferential working conditions for yourself while maintaining the same salary. When those around you break into a cold sweat and they understand that you are not joking and you can really throw everything to hell no matter what, they begin to treat you more carefully, I understand that this person has it and he will stop at nothing . Something like this is written in the personal file at the military registration and enlistment office, that I am “on my own.” But what I do at work is not suitable for everyone. I've had occasion to yell at my own boss and drive my colleagues into hysterics. Frankly speaking, all this does not always work productively. What do psychologists say about how to defend your opinion?
- The first thing to understand, is that you should have your own opinion and should not allow someone else’s opinion to be imposed. Regardless of whether the colleagues around you support you or not, you have your own head on your shoulders and you should not agree to everything that they try to impose on you. Often a crowd effect occurs when people look at each other and act “like everyone else.” I had a case when the whole group had to come to the university for detention. We came, but they promised to tell us what exactly to do only after one couple (!). People began to get indignant and go home. At the same time, I said that I would stay and do everything myself. Tell the rest to go home. As a result, almost the entire group stayed with me and spent a cleanup day at the department. Sometimes you need to have the courage to take the first step and do as you see fit, and then they will support you (although this does not always happen).
- The ability to insist on one’s own means also the ability say a firm “no.” Have you ever had cases when you were asked for something, you agreed to it (without really thinking), and then it turned out that fulfilling the promise turned out to be a burden and interferes with your own plans. I once filled in for a colleague on a Saturday morning. In response, I did not wait for someone to replace me personally. I received no benefit or gratitude. Paradoxical, isn't it? We have the right to say a firm no, we have the right not to answer unnecessary phone calls, we have the right to choose, and we also have the right to ask for what we need. Moreover, we have every right to make our own decisions, regardless of what others think.
- Someone's mind about you or what you do It shouldn't bother you too much even if it is expressed in abusive language (this often happens with popular video bloggers). The other person is also entitled to their opinion and may have reasons to think differently about something. However, this is just his opinion and it will not necessarily be correct even if this opinion is expressed by an authoritative person. If you are still influenced by the opinions of others, then you should think about whether this influence is so useful and perhaps you should read our material about that.
- When you stand up for your idea- this is a great opportunity to formulate it succinctly and also weigh the pros and cons yourself. Plus listen to constructive criticism from other people. After all, you may hear more sensible suggestions from other people on a condemned issue. In a dispute, the truth can really be born. On the other hand, it may turn out that the other side agrees with your point of view. Having run your idea in various discussions and disputes, you get it in a clearer form and it becomes more mature and meaningful.
- In order to defend your point of view, you need to upgrade your communication skills. Simply put, you need to learn to communicate with other people. There are many cases when a person is not able to even string together a few words or has problems with speech intelligibility and rhetoric. Everything is important - what exactly we say, as well as in what manner we present it. In many ways, we are treated as we deserve. When arguing with another person, you need to remain calm and respect the other side. Otherwise, it can get out of control and nothing constructive will simply come out as a result, psychologists say. In defending your point of view, you need initiative, as well as self-control.
- Study the psychology of influence. There are interesting books on this subject. For example, Robert Cialdini’s book “The Psychology of Influence.” People have some unconscious points, by pressing on which we can influence them in our own interests. The same thing can happen to you too. You may be subjected to various cunning methods of persuasion that you may succumb to. But when you are familiar with these methods of persuasion, then these methods of manipulation will no longer affect you. In any case, you will realize that they are putting pressure on you in cunning ways. To defend your point of view, it is also advisable to find out a little information about your colleague with whom you are arguing. Each person has a slightly different psychology and their own values.
- Psychologists recommend using special technologies of argumentation. For example, in rhetoric, a method is used when you constantly agree with the opponent’s ideas, and then suddenly cross out all his above-mentioned thoughts with the help of one, but very strong argument. There is another technique when the interlocutor is led to such answers that he constantly answers “Yes”. Research shows that when a person agrees with you several times on unimportant issues, it becomes much easier to bring him to his point of view on more serious issues. You can also search online for other methods such as the refacing method and the salami method.
- When defending your opinion, you need to understand when to do it openly and when to do it inappropriately. Moreover, you need to understand what issues are worth discussing at all, and what will be bad manners. Moreover, you need to maintain decency in a dispute and know exactly how to construct objections so that those around you perceive you normally and understand your arguments. You shouldn’t say anything out of emotion, as you can say a lot of unnecessary things.
- During collisions with your interlocutor, he may be wrong three times and completely disagree with you. However, he himself most likely believes that he is right. Instead of throwing some accusations at him, you should at least try to put yourself in his place and understand why he holds the opposite opinion. Perhaps something happened to him in the past that he is very afraid of, or maybe what is important to you is not so important to him?
- We need to be prepared for the fact that we Even those closest to you won’t understand People. This is fine. Likewise, you may not find support in your team or circle of friends. We are all different and everyone has their own idea of what life should be like. You shouldn't be offended by them. They probably want to protect you from the mistakes they themselves went through. Before you brush off their criticism, you need to try to understand them too. But still do it your way.
- Even if you fail to convince your interlocutor of your point of view, you shouldn't lose face and fight in hysterics. There is also no need to get angry or show your psychosis about this. The consequences of such behavior can lead to a complete break in the relationship, which is not always reasonable. The best thing is to show calm, to strike not with emotions, but with arguments. If they agreed with your opinion, simply thank your colleague for listening and hearing you.
The best proof of your point of view
It is useful to defend your opinion in words. Pounding your fist on the table is no longer fashionable and not very beautiful. At the same time, nothing convinces people more than real actions. Practice shows that initiative and real steps towards a goal have a much stronger effect on people than words. And even if something doesn’t work out for you in the end, you can safely say that you at least tried.