“In one of the radio programs I heard that there are specialists who can not only determine a person’s character by voice, intelligence, diagnose various diseases, but even predict a person’s fate. If this is true, tell me how to get an appointment with them?”
K. Lyamina, Smolensk
As for fate, of course, it’s an exaggeration, an artistic fiction,” smiles Professor Vladimir Petrovich MOROZOV, head of the laboratory of nonverbal communication at the Institute of Psychology of the Russian Academy of Sciences, “but as for everything else, it’s pure truth. The voice itself, regardless of what words are spoken, carries a colossal amount of information; you can determine a person’s character by his voice and much, much more.
Agree, it will not be difficult for anyone to guess who is speaking on the phone: a man, a woman or a child, but not everyone will be able to determine the physical characteristics of the speaker: a tall person or a short person, thin or fat, young or not so young... Experts from our laboratory almost accurately determine gender, height, weight and age by voice. Moreover, it is difficult to deceive them even when someone skillfully imitates a child’s voice (remember how brilliantly Rina Zelenaya did this?) or a man begins to speak in a thin female voice.
- I wonder how they manage to do this? Well, a man or a woman is understandable, but where are height and weight “hidden” in the sound?
The fact is that the voice is directly related to anatomy and physiology: it depends on the structure of the body in general and the vocal organs in particular. Let me remind you that sounds are born when the vocal folds vibrate, which are stretched like strings in the larynx. They can perform from 80 to 10,000 or more oscillations per second, and oscillate both with their entire mass and in individual sections. It has been established that under the influence of nerve impulses coming from the central nervous system, the vocal folds change their length, thickness, and degree of tension. The contraction of their various sections determines the entire rich range of sounds, just as pressing the guitar strings with your fingers in different places gives a different sound.
The pitch of the voice depends on the length of the folds, and their length and thickness itself depend on the structure of the larynx: the larger it is, the longer and thicker the folds, the lower the voice, and the owner of this voice is therefore taller, because a large larynx is an advantage of tall people.
There are, however, exceptions to the rules: nature rewards a short person with a large larynx or powerful resonators. After all, the timbre of the voice, its strength, and color depend not only on the length and thickness of the folds, but also on the structure of the resonators. Do you know why the great Caruso sang tenor, although he had bass vocal folds? The resonators "were not the right size."
The pharynx, nasopharynx, mouth, nasal cavity and paranasal sinuses are the upper resonators, and the trachea, bronchi and lungs are the lower ones. In each person, these organs have individual characteristics, which is why the voices are so different from each other. The voice acquires an individual coloring at the moment when the baby announces its appearance into the world with its first cry. The owner of a unique voice is born! It doesn’t matter that he will never be a singer, his voice is unique, he is the only one.
- What about skilled imitators? Let's say, everyone's favorite Vinokur or the same "Dolls". For us, TV viewers, the voices sound one to one.
For you - maybe, but not for an expert who, using modern methods and equipment, is able to sort any voice, as they say, into parts, that is, into timbre, rhythmic, frequency-amplitude, and intonation parameters. Just as graphological examination reveals the most skillful forgery of handwriting, our methods make it possible to recognize the imitation of someone else's voice. You can copy intonations and some features of pronunciation, but it is almost impossible to completely fake a voice. It is no coincidence that an entire scientific direction in criminology is developing on this basis. This property of the voice has found application in... business. In the world's largest banks, many safes are programmed not only with a passphrase, but also with the owner's voice. As soon as, say, some overtone deviates to the side, the safe will not respond, no matter how many times they call to it “Open Sesame!”
- So, you convinced me that with the help of a voice you can identify a person and even draw a portrait of this person: tall-short, thin-fat, young-old...
Good-evil, open-closed, modest-arrogant,” continues Vladimir Petrovich. - Not only a physiological, but also a more important psychological portrait for us. If a person speaks quickly, clearly, forcefully, completing a thought, he is energetic, reactive, one of those who does first and thinks later.
But if he speaks slowly, as if weighing each word, he is leisurely, thorough, analyzes the situation, loves to measure seven times before cutting. A person who pronounces words in a patter, swallows endings, does not connect phrases logically, in character, intellect and in life, the same as his speech. Unless it is a speech “mask”, a specially developed manner, like Talleyrand’s, for example. This smartest diplomat and politician deliberately spoke indistinctly, muttered something under his breath, but then he could always refuse his words and say that he was simply misunderstood.
It has already been said that the voice is related to anatomy and physiology, therefore almost any disease in one way or another affects the sound of the voice. First of all, naturally, it reflects the state of the vocal and articulatory apparatus and resonators. We know how unrecognizably it changes with various acute respiratory viral infections, bronchitis, tonsillitis, sinusitis... But it would seem that everything is in order with the vocal apparatus: there is no inflammation, no anatomical changes, but the voice is getting weaker and weaker - phonosthenia develops . The reason for this ailment lies in the deep parts of the central nervous system, where the centers responsible for the activity of the vocal apparatus, speech reproduction and perception are located.
Complex electroacoustic processing of a voice uttering phrases expressing different emotions - joy, grief, anger, fear - has shown that each state has its own set of distinctive acoustic features. For example, for grief, this is the longest duration of a syllable, characteristic “rises” and “slides” in the pitch of sounds; for fear, sharp changes in the strength of the voice, a violation of tempo rhythm, and an increase in pauses turned out to be distinctive...
- It seems to me that even without electroacoustic processing, each of us is able to determine the emotional state of the interlocutor and his attitude. It happens that they kindly say to you: “I’m so glad to see you!”, but you hear: “Well, what... did it bring you!” False intonation, like a smile, is easy to read.
You're right. The brain centers responsible for the perception of the emotional coloring of speech and sounds begin to work almost from the moment of birth. A two-week-old baby unmistakably reacts to the emotional coloring of speech addressed to him, although he will begin to understand the words and their meaning much later, when the speech centers “ripe” in the left logical hemisphere.
But do you know what our recent research has shown? There is a total “dulling” of emotional hearing, and already at the level of preschool and school age.
- Vladimir Petrovich, is it possible to take part in your experiment and test your emotional hearing?
Of course you can. I will let you listen to the same phrase, pronounced with different intonations by the wonderful actor Oleg Valerianovich Basilashvili, and you will tick the boxes “anger”, “fear”, “surprise”, “joy”, “normal”. Listen carefully...
Now let's count the ticks. Based on the test results, you scored 75%. Not bad at all. This and other tests are offered to applicants entering theater universities, conservatories, and future radio and television announcers. We offered them not only to “lyricists”, but also to “physicists”. The results were not unexpected: people in artistic and humanitarian professions had better emotional hearing than, say, computer programmers, mathematicians and engineers. Most women are fine with emotional hearing; on average, it is 10-15% better than men. The children - the younger generation, so to speak - were upset. More than half of those who took part in the experiment (and these were students from regular Moscow secondary schools) had reduced, distorted emotional hearing. Imagine, more than 60% rated angry and threatening intonations as neutral and wrote them down in the “norm” column. This speaks of a deep degeneration of our psyche: aggression in the minds of many has pushed out the norm and taken its place. The aggressive-defensive style of relationships begins to dominate everywhere. From an early age, children get used to either attacking or defending. This is becoming the norm.
- Have similar studies been carried out among politicians and government officials? I wonder how they are with emotional hearing.
We have not yet been able to reach politicians, but we have tried to draw psychological portraits of the “new Russians”. Only a small number of those surveyed showed sufficiently necessary qualities such as high intelligence, competence, self-esteem, and respectful attitude towards partners and colleagues. The psychological portraits of the overwhelming majority leave much to be desired. Work on them and work!
- Tell me, do you have a recipe on how to do this?
A center is opening at the Institute of Psychology of the Russian Academy of Sciences, where anyone can find out how they are perceived, how they look in other people’s eyes, and receive a number of practical tips on how to improve their psychological portrait and, therefore, increase their influence on others. After all, image is not only fashionable makeup and a suit from a prestigious tailor, but also your voice, manner of speaking and communicating. Do you remember where Professor Higgins started when he decided to turn a dirty street flower girl into a lady of high society? No plastic surgery or other complex tricks were required - the girl was simply taught to SPEAK.
Interviewed by O. ZEDAIN
Voice is your calling card. Now for many - politicians, businessmen, bankers, managers and others - it is becoming the most important work tool. So try so that no one can say: “It would be better if he didn’t open his mouth.”
For those who cannot come to the institute, we give some practical advice. The voice acquires sonority and flight due to the upper resonators. The following exercises will help you make the most of their capabilities and correct the dull sound of your voice:
1. While standing or sitting, take a short breath through your nose. Exhaling, with your mouth closed, without tension, pronounce “m” or “n” with a questioning intonation. Try to feel the vibration in the area of your nose and upper lip.
2. Take a deep breath. As you exhale, say one of the following words: "bimm", "bonn", "donn". While pronouncing the last consonant slowly, achieve a feeling of vibration in the nose and upper lip.
3. Take a deep breath. While exhaling, slowly pronounce the syllables “mimm”, “momm”, “mamm”, “ninn”, “nann”, “nunn”, etc.
4. Take a deep breath. On one exhalation, first pronounce briefly and then protractedly one of the open syllables: mo-moo, mi-mii, mu-muu, ni-nii, no-noo, etc.
When performing exercises for the lower resonators, try to pronounce the vowels “o” and “u” in as low a voice as possible and draw out, achieving clearly expressed resonance in the chest area.
1. While standing, place your hand on your chest. Yawn with your mouth closed and keep your larynx in the down position. As you exhale, pronounce the sound “o” or “u”, trying to feel the vibration movements of the chest. If this does not work, artificially induce vibration by lightly tapping your hand in the sternum area.
2. While standing, place your hands on your chest. Leaning forward, as you exhale, pronounce the vowels “o”, “u” long and drawn out.
Performing the same movement, as you exhale, say the words: “eye”, “window”, “tin”, “milk”, “flour”. The articulatory apparatus also takes part in voice formation - lips, tongue, soft palate, lower jaw. Good diction and sonority of the voice depend on how clearly, quickly and consistently he works.
When practicing in front of a mirror, make sure that only the organs of articulation take part in the exercise, and that the nose, forehead and eyes remain motionless. Do each exercise slowly and smoothly.
1. On the count of “one,” lower your lower jaw about two fingers. Hold this position for a count of two to six. Slowly close your mouth.
2. Lower your lower jaw and slowly move it to the right and left.
3. Lower your lower jaw, slowly move it forward and return to its original position.
4. The mouth is closed, lips are closed. On the count of “one,” stretch your lips to the sides, exposing your teeth and as if pronouncing the sound “eeee.” On the count of two or three, hold your lips in this position. On the count of four or five, draw your lips forward. On the count of six to seven, stretch your lips to the sides.
Encyclopedic Dictionary of Psychology and Pedagogy
loud voice- If a person constantly speaks in a very loud voice, this may indicate his habit of command, self-confidence and conceit, belonging to a society where everyone tries to out-shout each other, and also sometimes about the presence of... ... Culture of speech communication: Ethics. Pragmatics. Psychology
LOUD- LOUD, loud, loud; loud, loud, loud. 1. Strong sounding, clearly audible. Loud voice. To speak loudly (adv.) Loud conversation. 2. transfer Widely known. Big name. Loud glory. Loud process. Loud case... ... Ushakov's Explanatory Dictionary
- ▲ voice man ventriloquism. ventriloquist. ventriloquize. song. sing. hem. aloud. break your voice. the voice broke. let [give] a rooster. lose your voice. ↓phonation. say, speak ▼…
voice- (not) hear one’s own voice Neg, perception (not) recognize one’s own voice assessment raise one’s voice change, raise one’s voice a lot change, exclaim a lot with a loud voice action, indirect object speaks voice action, ... ...
loud- oh, oh; loud/mok, loud/, loud/mki 1) Strong-sounding, far away and clearly audible. Loud voice. Loud knock. Loud bangs. She [Yelochka] heard how he drank water (Kuprin) in large, loud sips. Synonyms: loud/sleepy… Popular dictionary of the Russian language
loud- exclaim in a loud voice action, indirect object there was a loud voice existence / creation, subject, fact there was a loud cry existence / creation, subject, fact there was a loud laugh existence / creation, subject, ... ... Verbal compatibility of non-objective names
- ▲ intense sound quiet (sound) loud intense sound; high volume. loud. thunderous. thundering. thunderous. full-voiced. forte. fortissimo. deafening. like an alarm bell ↓ noise, loud voice... Ideographic Dictionary of the Russian Language
VOICE- husband. voice of the church sound, ringing, viscous noise of various kinds; sound or tongue from the larynx of a person or animal. What a voice he has, no match for our little voice (voice, little voice, little voice). There is a voice and a mute one, but there are no speeches. | Chant, sequence... ... Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary
VOICE- VOICE, a (y), plural. a, ov, husband. 1. A set of sounds resulting from vibration of the vocal cords. Loud, quiet g. Singing g. G. to lose, lose one's voice (1) become hoarse; 2) lose your singing voice). In the city scream (very loudly; ... ... Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary
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- Personal life, Victor Pronin. “From the very morning, Alexei felt uneasy. As if the day before I knew about some important upcoming matter and forgot. In this mood, he had breakfast, went to work on the bus, sat there all...
Voice intonations change depending on your emotional or physical state. It is important to discover certain patterns. If some characteristic consistently appears, then we can draw conclusions about the possible thoughts or actions of another person.
There are a lot of speech characteristics, so it makes sense to focus on the most informative ones:
From time to time there are people with loud voices. What is behind this? To assess the significance of this, it is necessary to understand in what situations a person speaks loudly. Most often, the loud voice belongs to people who are trying to control situations and people. The volume is somewhat overwhelming and sometimes even scary.
Therefore, people who strive for dominance and use an authoritarian method of control often use this technique. In some cases, a person’s manner of speaking loudly may be combined with constant interruption of the interlocutor. This is not only an attempt to establish control over the situation, but also evidence of selfishness and bad manners. Some people believe that a loud voice responds to confident people. However, in many cases this is not the case. Rather, people speak loudly, wanting to be paid attention to. They don’t know any other way to attract attention to themselves, that is, we are talking about demonstrative behavior.
Sometimes people use a loud voice to be more persuasive. This manner of speaking has an effect on people, but only on people who are intimidated, weak, unsure of themselves or lazy, who prefer others to make decisions for them.
We often observe when people try to compensate for short stature, poor physique, etc. with a loud voice.
Sometimes the manner of speaking loudly reflects a reluctance to show attention to the interlocutors. People who are confident in themselves resort to a loud voice rarely and only inappropriately, most often for a certain pressure.
The quiet voice may belong to a person who is confident and does not see the need to dominate the conversation or draw attention to himself. A quiet voice sometimes indicates, on the contrary, indecision and lack of perseverance. Often such a voice is possessed by arrogant people, who force people to listen to them with their manner of speaking.
Every time you hear someone’s quiet voice, you should not rush to conclusions. It is better to take a closer look at the person and understand what causes such a voice and in what situations it is used.
In noisy places, a person who usually speaks quietly is forced to start speaking louder. If this does not happen, it means that he lacks observation, sensitivity, and perhaps he is overly arrogant.
If during communication a person speaks quietly, looks calmly into the eyes, and his gestures are unhurried, then the situation as a whole is comfortable for him. A quiet voice may be accompanied by a reluctance to make eye contact and fidgety gestures. This means that the person is experiencing discomfort, perhaps he lacks self-confidence.
In any case, it is worth taking a closer look at the expression of the eyes and gestures.
Fast speech
It is necessary to distinguish between constant rapid speech and reaction to certain circumstances. It has been noticed that most often people with fast speech are very active and know how to make decisions without thinking. This type of people sometimes lacks caution; excessive impulsiveness leads in some cases to hasty conclusions.
In some cases, fast speech serves as compensation for uncertainty, a desire to attract attention. Both are caused by low self-esteem.
Rapid speech can also indicate that the interlocutor is lying. The words leave his lips quickly, as he wishes to quickly free himself from false information. It is easier to hide the truth under a stream of words.
In such situations, you need to pay attention to other signals and see if they contain signs of anxiety or uncertainty.
Slow speech
The following two options are most common. Confident people speak slowly, calmly and quietly. People who are in a state of discomfort also speak slowly, which should be indicated by other signals.
Sometimes during a conversation, the speaker may slow down his speech if he wants to emphasize some important point, if something bothers or confuses him, if he is composing or is tired.
People who are deep in thought often slow down their speech.
Stuttering speech
Some people's speech has a lot of stops and pauses. Slow speech has its own rhythm; in stuttering speech, a pause often occurs unexpectedly, and the duration of the pauses also changes. Pauses can be caused by uncertainty, nervousness, and embarrassment. Sometimes this indicates insincerity. But the opposite situation is also possible. A person wants to express himself more precisely, he searches for words, and as a result, a pause occurs.
To determine what is causing the pause, it is worth taking a closer look at the body language. A person may start to stammer if they are excited or lying. It is advisable to pay attention to his eyes, breathing rate, and gestures. It is by these signs that we must judge a person’s condition. A liar will not only stammer, but also avoid the interlocutor’s gaze and cover his mouth or other parts of his face with his palm.
A nervous person accompanies his speech with pauses with fussy movements of his arms and legs. If a person just strives to accurately express his thought, then his concentration should be manifested in his eyes and gestures.
Of course, the desire to concentrate one’s attention leads to the same pauses that often occur in the speech of very talkative people. But for the latter, the pause is associated with the loss of the thread of the conversation, which is very clearly indicated by eye movements.
In some cases, slow speech turns into obvious stuttering, which is most likely associated with great nervousness, and maybe even with illness.
Each of us changes the pitch of our voice when talking to other people. And there are very specific reasons for this.
In most cases, the voice becomes higher due to joy, fear, excitement, etc. The voice “breaks” due to great emotional stress. Various emotional states are confirmed by body language and people's behavior.
When a person is tired, sad, depressed or wants to impress others, the voice becomes significantly lower. But even in this case, you need to pay attention to body language.
Speech stresses
You need to listen carefully to speech accents. Wanting to emphasize a word or idea, the speaker can use speech stress. It is easy to recognize if you simultaneously perceive body language. For example, simultaneously with speech stress, the speaker sometimes leans forward, nods his head, raises his hand, etc. The rule is once again confirmed that it is desirable to learn to notice in the interlocutor’s behavior a deviation from the stereotypic, habitual behavior. Then it is possible to understand both the person’s intentions and his character.
Today I was interested in the human voice and the fact that the same phrase from the lips of different people is perceived completely differently. I asked myself the question, what do I know about the voice? I know that the voice of any person develops and is formed in the process of growing up, the voice of each person is different and can change, but the voice of each person always remains unique and inimitable.
Not long ago I came across a website page with an invitation to attend eloquence lessons http://krasno.com.ua/uroki-krasnorechiya-v-kieve/ and thought that elocution lessons are useful for most of us, at least for this to learn how to convey your thoughts to your interlocutor. With the help of speech, people can communicate, feel each other, draw a psychological portrait of other people, whose voice they listen to and sometimes do not always see.
According to the popular canons of relationship psychology, women really like the baritone, and men begin to breathe unevenly when they hear a chesty, gentle voice in women; such a voice is sometimes said to seem to flow from within. Have you noticed that the voice very often reveals a person’s age, but most often we can understand his emotional state (anger, fear, joy, anxiety, etc.) from his voice. As a result of repeated observations, it was noted that negative emotions during a conversation increase age, and positive emotions seem to rejuvenate.
Women whose voices are loud, sonorous, quick, and high-pitched are chatterboxes. They hide their experiences from themselves and from others, as if they are running away from unresolved problems. These people, as a rule, have bright and lively gestures. They prostrate themselves before aggressive people. Their sense of fear makes them afraid of obstacles in life and therefore they try to avoid them.
Women who have a dry, monotonous voice are cold and stingy in showing emotions. As a rule, they have a very correct, iron logic, which guides them in life, in their actions and deeds. Those with abrupt and fast speech have self-control (high-level strict self-control) and are able to restrain their impulses.
A quiet voice is a sign of a lack of strength for self-expression. Such people think that they are invisible to anyone. They often get sick, they are characterized by stooped posture, pain in the spine and lower back. It is interesting that these people tend to speak loudly enough within the confines of their apartment or workplace, but at the same time they lose the power of their voice in a public urban environment, in which case they will not be able to sing loudly, shout or even just talk loudly.
In children, the power of their voice is often drowned out by parents, teachers, etc. But it is not worth muffling it, on the contrary, it should be developed. A strong voice is a sign of a self-confident person, not introverted, and courageous. A strong personality, regardless of gender, does not have a quiet voice. They confidently announce themselves with an authoritative voice.
The voice directly depends on heredity: some people have a pleasant voice, while others do not. But you need to actively work on your voice. You can change the tone and pitch a little. This must be done, because the voice is an effective psychological tool that acts on the subconscious of other people (the pitch and timbre of the voice).
Young and young people have a ringing and high-pitched voice. They are energetic, inexperienced, and often make mistakes. Such persons are rarely appointed to high positions. Shrill and high tones are characteristic of anxious and suspicious individuals. This tone of voice can confuse and irritate interlocutors; it can easily provoke a feeling of discomfort, so subconsciously we do not develop trust in such a voice.
People with deep voices are lucky: they are self-sufficient, confident and intellectually developed. Such people are taken seriously. Research has shown that the attractiveness of a man with a deep voice and pleasant timbre, from the point of view of women, looks strong and desirable, and the lower the voice, the stronger these feelings.
A low, velvety voice evokes various associations, including love, even if the interlocutor with this voice has never been seen, in this case it is appropriate to remember that in some cases it is common for us to subconsciously read the gene code. The temperament of those with low voices has been known since ancient times, and this characteristic applies equally to both men and women. A low, chesty voice is perceived as more sexy compared to loud and sonorous voices.
If your voice is too loud and fast, then you need to work on yourself. After all, if you don’t control your emotions, then your voice is the first to declare it. If you are not a master of eloquence, then it is better to speak briefly, clearly, and to the point.
There are people who constantly speak in a raised voice. "Do not scream!" - we ask them. And they answer: “I’m not shouting, it’s my voice!” They are lying, their voice is normal, but high and loud notes reveal the psychological problems of these people. Let's try to figure out which ones exactly.
One of my acquaintances answered the question: “Why did you break up with this woman, because you loved her so much, you were even ready to adopt her children from your first marriage?” - answered: “They scream all the time. For any reason. It is unbearable!"
You've probably noticed that in moments of excitement or uncertainty, we often begin to speak louder than usual. It’s as if we are defending ourselves or asking for help without even knowing it. If you hear screaming, you need to react. By and large, the cry is the notorious “SOS!”, which calls out to others with a request:
Notice
Help
Understand
Stay
Change, etc.
That is, ultimately, the cry is addressed to others. Sometimes it is very important. And it requires an immediate response. In general, he says that the person is feeling bad and needs help. Everything seems to be transparent, what else is there to discuss.
But it turns out that not everything is so simple. Sometimes raised tones are used to other purposes:
Suppression of others
Suppressing your own fear and anxiety
Self-affirmation, etc.
In the end, screaming may simply be a bad habit, absorbed with the milk of a careless mother who constantly yelled at her child.
The habit of yelling comes from childhood
There are families where children are shouted at a lot. Why? You can try to find a logical explanation for this, such as the fact that the child does not hear or perceive the usual tone of speech, we have to address it repeatedly, so we shout, so that it will come faster.This, in my opinion, is the main secret of parental raised voices. I want to achieve results faster and with less effort. I’m just too lazy to explain something to a child, to persuade him for a long time and tediously. It’s easier and faster to shout, and everything will be our way. But in the end, a certain style and algorithm of communication is developed in the child’s mind. And gradually he gets used to the screams and demands an ever-increasing increase in decibels and an increasingly angry parental reaction. And then he himself learns to communicate with people in a raised voice.
Thus, ordinary parental laziness gives rise to long-lasting problems in communication and human life. In adulthood, we invariably copy the parental behavior patterns learned in childhood. It turns out that “that’s my voice!” since childhood. Many of us in our conscious adult lives have to struggle with, among other things, the habit of resolving issues in a raised voice.
Yelling doesn't solve problems
Among other things, this is the easiest way to resolve a conflict or problem. It seems to lie on the surface. In fact, shouting does not solve problems, or rather, it only leads to temporary and superficial results. Most likely, in order to avoid the negative effect that someone else’s scream has on the psyche, eardrums and our mood, we will fulfill the request, do something to stop this scream. So to speak, we will take emergency measures. But the very cause of the conflict will remain unresolved, the situation will sooner or later repeat itself, and then expect a new attack of screaming. A wife can raise her voice as much as she wants at her husband, who throws his socks everywhere. And in order to avoid her screaming, he will pretend that he is trying to be careful. But this will not be his conscious decision, connected with the understanding that this should be done so as not to create problems for his wife and not to disturb the order in the house. It's more of a favor that doesn't eradicate a bad habit. Once the source of irritation (that is, the wife) is removed from the apartment for a while, the socks will once again scatter around the entire perimeter of the home.
You have probably noticed that it is difficult for us to do something under pressure, that is, under the influence of an angry shout. Man is designed this way; conscious actions become the most valuable to him. That is, those that he commits voluntarily out of his own good intentions. How to achieve such voluntary, conscious behavior from children and adults is a question for another article. But it can be quite difficult to achieve this by shouting, especially if this style of communication is common in your environment. People get used to everything, including, unfortunately, screams, no longer perceiving them as extreme distress signals.
Sometimes you have to watch unbridled voice battles on various political and talk shows. Everyone is shouting, no one hears anyone, no one respects and no one wants to understand. Sometimes the same type of dialogues happen between spouses. As a result, the truth is not born, the problem is not solved, but the gap of misunderstanding increases and the conflict worsens. Worst of all, love and respect disappear...
Don't be fooled by the screams
Whatever the reasons for the increased tones, do not become like the screamer and do not go to his decibel level. Sometimes it is quite obvious that this is exactly what he wants. Be calmer, wiser and stronger. A calm analysis of the situation, a deliberately quiet voice sometimes acts amazingly, like a lightning rod. It’s even better to mirror your opponent’s state by agreeing with his cry and trying to explain it from your point of view. " I understand that you are freaking out, that you feel bad, that you are nervous, etc. I feel bad too… But... Come on...»These three magic words should help you pull the sufferer out of the screaming state.
I understand… You don’t push him away, don’t brush him off as if he were an obsessive, noisy fly whose buzzing has become quite boring or infuriating to you. You are trying to understand and accept what is happening to him. This is your first and main step.
But… Gives you the opportunity to express your attitude to what is happening, helps the person in distress look at the situation from a different angle, find feedback, sets you up to analyze the situation and helps you find a way out of it.
Let's try… This is already magic. The rescue. Exit. This is what they actually expected from you, raising your voice. Here the result depends only on your wisdom, kindness and generosity of soul.
In general, we all probably need to remember: when a person feels good and is happy, he does not scream. Maybe we should just become kinder and help each other be happy, and then the negatively charged screaming and raised voices will go away from our lives.