When we begin to examine ourselves in this sense or in terms of any other detail of our isolated life, we are prone to truly diabolical reasoning. It essentially consists of the following: everything that is attractive in me, that I like about me, is my “I”. However, whatever in me seems ugly, repulsive, or what others find repulsive and ugly in me, which creates tension with others, I perceive as stains, as something introduced or imposed on me from the outside. For example, people often say: “I strive with all my heart for something different, but life circumstances made me this way.” No, life circumstances only revealed that you are like that. In the correspondence of Macarius, one of the Optina elders, there are two or three letters to a St. Petersburg merchant, who writes: “The servant left me and they offered me a village girl in return. What do you advise me, should I take it or not?” The elder replies: “Of course, take it.” After some time, the merchant writes again: “Father, let me drive her away, this is a real demon; Since she’s been here I’ve been furious all the time and have lost all self-control.” And the elder replies: “And don’t even think about driving away, God sent you this heavenly angel so that you could see how much anger there is in you, which the former servant could never bring to the surface.”
And so it seems to me that if we look at ourselves with all seriousness, we will no longer be able to say: everything that is virtuous, beautiful, harmonious is me; everything else is spots of chance that have nothing to do with me, they just stuck to my skin... In reality, they didn’t stick to the skin, but were rooted in the very depths of our being. Only we don’t like this, and we blame whoever we can or the circumstances of our life. How many times have I heard in confession: “Here are all my sins,” then the penitent stops for a minute to catch his breath (sins are usually stated quite quickly) and makes a long speech, proving that if the circumstances of the life given to him by God were different, he would not have had there would be no sins. And sometimes, if they say to me: “I’m guilty, but what do you want? I have a mother-in-law, I have a son-in-law, I have this, I have that, I have rheumatism and arthritis, we survived the Russian revolution, etc.,” it happened more than once that when a person, having finished his story, was already waiting for a prayer of permission , I told him: “I’m sorry, but confession is a means of reconciliation with God, and reconciliation is a mutual matter. So, before I give you permission in the name of God, can you say that you forgive Him all the harm, all the evil He has done to you, all the circumstances in which He has forced you to not be a saint or a saint?” Usually people don't like it, but it's true and it's so important, so essential: we must accept ourselves entirely, as we are. We don’t do this if we think that we are what is beautiful and that the rest is God’s fault (most often God, not the devil, because in essence God should have prevented the devil from doing the evil that he is doing - certainly not at least in relation to me!).
What do we do? Is it possible to find some kind of inspiration, support in doing, arising from what we have seen?
Yes, of course, it is possible, and this “yes, of course” for me is justified by two points. First, John of Kronstadt said something extremely inspiring in his diary, where he recounts his inner experiences. He says that God never allows us to see evil in ourselves unless He is sure that our faith, our hope, is strong enough to withstand such a vision. While He sees that we lack faith, lack hope, He leaves us in relative ignorance; in our inner darkness we discern only the dangers that He allows us to find by touch. When He sees that our faith has become strong and alive, our hope is strong enough to withstand the abomination of what we see and not be shaken, then He allows us to see what He sees - but only to the extent of our hope and our faith. So here is a double revelation from which we can derive some benefit; the first is a bare fact: I considered myself so patient, and this country girl reveals in me all my impatience, rudeness and unbridledness. But on the other hand, if God allowed me to see, it means that He knows that I am now able to cope with the problem, knows that I am able to overcome temptation and change internally.
The second point is substantiated for me by the words of St. Seraphim of Sarov, who says that it is essential that we see ourselves as a whole, that is, not only what is beautiful in us that meets our calling to eternal life, but also everything else. For what is already in tune with Christ, God, what already belongs to the Kingdom, in some sense is not of interest to us: what is important is to turn everything else - the desert or wilds - into the Garden of Eden. And here, moving away from the image given by St. Seraphim, I would like to emphasize that we must consider ourselves as material that God has put in our hands and from which we can create a work of art, something that will be an integral part of the Kingdom of Harmony , beauty, truth and life. In this sense, we must have the same composure, the same clarity of vision that an artist has.
The work of art that the artist wants to create is determined by two factors: on the one hand, his intention, what he wants to create; on the other hand, the material that he has in his hands. You know that you cannot make identical works from different materials: if you want to make a cross from ivory, you will not take a piece of granite; if you want to make a Celtic cross, you won't carve it out of Greek marble, etc., simply because what you want to express can only be expressed within the limits of the material's capabilities. So, unless you are hopelessly and hopelessly stubborn (hopefully both for God and for yourself and for others), and you only have one material in your hands, then the question will not be “how to make marble from ivory or granite from a crooked knot”; you just look at this available material and say: “What work of art can be born from what I hold in my hands?” (Which does not prevent you from subsequently implementing another plan using the material that you want to have.)
We should act in the same way in our inner life. We must learn to peer with an intelligent eye, a penetrating gaze, with the greatest possible realism, with the liveliest interest, into the material that we have in our hands, because we can only build from this material. If you are Peter, then you are not Anthony, and no matter what you do, you will not become Anthony. There is a saying: “At the Last Judgment no one will ask you if you were Saint Peter, they will ask you if you were Petya.” No one is asking you to be something you are not, but we can ask you, we can demand that you be yourself. And this is very important: if you do not accept the whole material, you will not create anything. Do not imagine that by affirming your mind, your perception, that is, half of your individuality, you can create a whole harmonious person. At some point you will discover that you couldn't do it, but then you will already have a freak in front of you, some kind of unfinished statue and a huge amount of unused material - and that's it!
And this requires courage and faith. First of all, faith in the sense, as I have already said, that God allows us to see only what we can bear; and courage: it doesn’t give us any pleasure to see all our ugliness. Perhaps you remember the words of St. Vincent de Paul in front of the mirror, which his father accidentally heard upon entering the room: “God, I’m too ugly for people, but perhaps You will accept me like this?” Maybe I am too ugly for people, but I am desired by God, because otherwise He would not have called me into existence, He would not have performed this creative, risky act, calling me into existence - and not for a short time, but for eternity .
On the other hand, if we want to have relationships with the people around us, we must be real and not fake personalities. We can have creative, thoughtful relationships with each other only insofar as I am real and my interlocutor, the one who stands in front of me, is also real. This reality must embrace the whole person; he should not be content with partial reality, reality to a certain extent.
This is what I want to say: when we, children, are summoned by the school director for a dressing down because we have done something, then we see in him only the title of director. There is no person here, but a director, just like there would be a policeman, an official, a prosecutor, a doctor. It doesn't even occur to us that there is anything different about him.
Yevtushenko has a very strong poem, where he describes the teacher as his student sees him. The student watches him and thinks: what’s wrong with him today? He's kind of weird! He teaches mathematics and has just made two mistakes in addition. And now he broke the chalk, stopped and erased everything, although he told us to copy from the board, and so on. At the end of the poem we see the teacher who has forgotten to put on his coat and hat and is walking across the yard; and the last phrase: “the professor’s wife left home.” Here is the situation: there was only a teacher, there was no person. It is our situation in relation to others and the situation in which we place others in relation to ourselves. Until we change it, we will not be reality, and neither will others. It is impossible to meet with a ghostly being or something even smaller than an individual who still possesses some kind of reality, even if this reality is painful, closed, devoid of any breadth. This is true in relation to God, as well as to people, because if we see only a teacher, and not a person, then when we come to God, we often collect scraps of knowledge, some concepts about Him and begin to pray without before the Living God, but before an idol, which we have collected from images and concepts, authentic to the extent that each image and concept corresponds to something in God, but becoming an obstacle at the moment when we say to ourselves: here is God.
The attitude towards the individual is completely different. I just said that there is a completely different problem here: the point is not to see ourselves as an individual - we cannot do this. Personality, a person, is what we are called to become, having overcome the individual, which we can empirically observe in ourselves. Personality can only be revealed in the One who knows it, that is, in God alone. We have a personality within us who is the image of the Living God. From the outside, this personality appears under the guise of an individual. And here is the analogy I would like to draw: we are a master’s painting, which has been updated from century to century until it has become completely unrecognizable. We have become a caricature of the image of God. If you show a painting to a connoisseur, he will look at it carefully and say: in this portrait, the eyebrow and part of the face undoubtedly belong to the hand of the master, everything else does not. Then, studying this eyebrow - the technique, the colors, the perfect movement of the brush that gave birth to it - try to remove all these notes layer by layer. Having removed one layer, we will say: this is deeper than the previous one, but still not the hand of a master; this is a recording, it is false in comparison with this eyebrow stroke, with that color scheme, which undoubtedly belongs to the master... And so gradually we manage to clear the picture, return to the prototype, freed from accumulated distortions.
And this is exactly what we must do to ourselves. But how? The Apostle Paul advises finding yourself in Christ and finding Christ in yourself. In this form, it can almost seem like a challenge: how to find Christ where, in all likelihood, He is not, since He is completely hidden under layers of disfiguring records? I can give you some simple advice that you can try and that I think might work. When you read the Holy Scriptures, especially the Gospel, if you are honest and do not take a pious attitude from the very beginning, do not say: everything that I find here is true, for this is what God says, and I must approve and support everything, because in this way I will take the right position in foreseeing the Judgment of God - if you are just honest with yourself, you will see that there are three kinds of things in the Gospel. Some people don’t particularly touch us in any way, and in this case we are easily ready to say: if God says so, then so it is. And this does not bother us at all, because we do not see any application of these words to our lives, and thus they do not pose any danger to our selfish comfort and to our refusal to follow the Gospel.
There are other places, and if we are completely honest, we will say: no, I won’t go to that... I have an honest parishioner. I gave a lecture on the Beatitudes, after which she came up to me and said: Master, if you call this bliss, let it be to you. To be hungry, to be cold, to be abandoned, to be persecuted - no... So, if you have even a quarter of her honesty, you will reject three-quarters of the Gospel - and I’m not a pessimist yet.
Let's take an example: X Christ reveals to us a vulnerable, defenseless, defeated and therefore despicable God. Having such a God is already unpleasant enough! But when He also tells us: I gave you an example, follow it– then you can really say “no”. Well, say so. But we are not entirely black, and if you are honest in both directions, that is, if you do not defend yourself against the attraction of the Gospel, because it is dangerous for you, then you will see that there are one or two places in the Gospel, three phrases , from which the mind is illuminated, the heart is illuminated, the will is gathered in the desire to follow the word, because it is so beautiful, so true, so perfect and so completely coincides with what is deepest in you; your very body rushes along this path.
Mark these places; no matter how rare they may be, these are those places where you already coincide with Christ, where in a portrait covered with notes you have discovered the hand of a master, an island of tones of the prototype. And then remember one thing: in this phrase or in this Gospel image, both Christ and you are revealed at the same time; and as soon as you make this discovery, you no longer need to fight with your nature in order to get as close as possible to the gospel spirit; It is enough to follow your own nature, but true nature, not a false, imported image, but those features that are written by the hand of a master. The point is not to act contrary to everything you want to do (Christians often call this “being virtuous”: the more I want to do it, the more virtuous it is not to do it), but to say: here are one, two points , in which I found what is most authentic in me.
I want to be myself in the truest way... Do this, and when you do this carefully, with the joy of being and becoming more and more yourself, you will see how another clearing appears, a similar place, akin, so to speak, to several words that struck you. Gradually the portrait clears up, one line appears, another colorful spot appears... And so you are captured by the whole Gospel, but not like the occupying troops that conquer you by violence, but by an action that liberates you, as a result of which you become more and more yourself. And you discover that to be yourself means to be in the image of the One who wanted to be in our image so that we could be saved and changed.
So, here are two different, but correlative ways of self-knowledge: knowledge of the “I” - the individual who affirms himself, who opposes himself, who rejects and denies the other; that “I” that does not want to see all of itself as it is, because it is ashamed and afraid of its ugliness; that “I” that never wants to be real, because to be real means to stand before the judgment of God and people; that “I” that does not want to hear what people say about it, especially what God, the word of God, says about it.
And on the other hand, a personality that finds its satisfaction, its fullness and its joy only in the revelation of its prototype, the perfect image of what it is, an image that is liberated, blossoms, opens - that is, is revealed more and more - and thereby more and more destroys the individual until there is nothing left of him that is opposed, nothing self-affirming, and only the personality remains - the hypostasis, which is a relationship. Personality - which has always been only the state of love of the one who loves and the one who is loved - finds itself freed from the captivity of the individual and again enters into that harmony, which is Divine Love, containing everyone and revealing itself in each of us, as in the lights of the second, radiating the light of God around.
Our society is structured in such a way that with each new decade it becomes more and more difficult for a person to understand who he really is. People live in a system, and each individual is forced into a way of life that he must live, regardless of his desire. There are traditions of society, there are stereotypes, there is the media, there is a lot of things to do and a lack of time. In the normal rhythm of life, a person simply has no time to even begin to think about what his soul really requires, what his desires strive for, what makes him happy, and so on. There is no time for internal reflection, and moreover, there is not even an awareness that such reflection is necessary.
Travel is like a separate life within the main life. Travel provides two factors that can help a person to know himself:
1. A lot of “free” time. In this context, “free” does not mean unoccupied. This means time that a person himself decides what to spend on.
2. The most intense concentration of events, in which true desires and a real person are manifested, not hidden by any social norms. Why? Because the traveler breaks away from his usual context, the influence of his reference groups and his culture.
From school to retirement, any person is so busy with things that he simply does not have space to communicate with himself. It seems to me that many people live their whole lives, being someone else, without ever knowing their true self, without finding access to the strings of their “I”, to see how this instrument can play, and how to tune it correctly. Probably, some people do this intuitively and unconsciously, but there are situations in which understanding this mechanism becomes obvious. For example, travel.
For me personally, it worked 100%. For the first time in the last 17 years of my life, I have acquired the ability to think as much as I need. I finally saw my true self, inside and out. I have a feeling that all this time I have been gradually erasing the filter from my eyes and internal “receptors”. Now it’s as if I’ve discovered thousands of antennae that cover my skin, and I can see how they react to the environment.
Travel takes a person out of his usual daily patterns. Therefore, the brain seems to use some new areas that were not used before. I'm not familiar with the medical research on this, but I feel it. Everything changes every day, constantly, and new life patterns do not have time to take hold. The result is an endless vibration of some energy impulses that open up a new vision of the world and oneself. This sounds somewhat complicated, but I’m trying to describe something that is almost impossible to describe.
This does not all happen at once, not in one second. For the first time I encountered the real me after four months of travel. I was attacked by all my fears, most of which I didn’t even know I had. All sensations intensified several times. It’s as if I used to live in a black and white world, and then stepped into a colored one. All previous emotions and experiences seem dull compared to what is happening now. This is me - in its pure, undisguised form, without filters. If I cry, it’s as if all the tears in the world have accumulated in my eyes. If I'm angry, then lightning bolts fly out of my eyes, and if I'm happy, then it seems that the happiness of the whole universe is now in me.
Travel is an endless training in self-knowledge and personal growth.
What I had been struggling with all my life went away by itself. But I stopped fighting something, realizing that it was a meaningless fight with myself.
I saw my weaknesses and no longer deny them.
I saw my fears and no longer depend on them.
I saw my strengths, and now I can do anything.
A few examples.
In any super-stressful situation, I first fall into a stupor and hysterics, but this lasts literally a few minutes. After this, a solution always comes. I realized that I am the kind of person who finds solutions and is not afraid to make them. This gave me a real understanding that there are no hopeless situations. Now these are not just words for me.
I dreamed of traveling, and my life seemed incomplete to me without such experience. Now I understand what I really want from life. I toiled from side to side for so long in all aspects of life that I did not see the main thing. Now I firmly know who I will be in 5, 10, 40 years. Not in details, but in general. I know where I'm going. This is a magical feeling that I have never known before.
I finally realized that I have intuition, and it does not deceive! All my life I whined that I had no feeling and did not understand my mother when she said: “You will feel it.” Now I feel it. In moments of unreasonable fears and worries, I listen to myself and hear the answer. This is not a superpower - it is something that is in our brain, but which we do not use.
I think this is what “know yourself” is all about. Look at yourself not just as a living organism performing certain functions, but as a part of the universe. This is what helps us understand the world around us and other people. Knowing yourself opens up new horizons.
I’m wondering what other situations, besides a long trip, help you get to know yourself? How do you think?
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Cognosce te ipsum. . This inscription was written on the wall of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. It was written by the seven great sages of Ancient Greece. As a result of joint reflection and discussion, they came, in their opinion, to the absolute truth.
The ancient Greek philosopher Chilo developed this idea: “Know yourself, and you will know the gods and the Universe.” And Hermes Trismegistus said: “What is below is like what is above. And what is above is like what is below.” And if the entire ocean is reflected in a droplet from the ocean, then the entire Universe is reflected in a person.
How can we understand this? And for what purpose did the ancients call on man: “”? The word man, translated from Sanskrit, means “a spirit that passes through the centuries.”
It’s no longer a secret to anyone; physicists have confirmed the fact that a person consists of more than just a physical body. A person has seven bodies in total. The remaining six bodies are associated with the subtle plane: etheric, astral, mental, casual, buddhic, atmic. The totality of subtle bodies forms human consciousness. What does it mean: “Know thyself”? This means know your bodies. Not only the physical, but the rest are subtle.
Let's remember the phrase from the Bible: “Man is created in the image and likeness of God.” Who do you think God is? Of course, this is not a simple question. And yet, a lot depends on how you actually think. Just think about it... And sincerely answer this question for yourself. For me, for example, God is Love. All-encompassing, Unconditional, Limitless Love. Light, Harmony, Wealth, Abundance, Prosperity, Silence, Calm. God loves us all with unconditional love. He loves, forgives, gives us all the blessings of life.
Thus, if a person is created in the image and likeness of God, it means that a person was initially endowed with all Divine qualities and properties. The most important thing that we must do like God is to give, that is, to LOVE other people with unconditional Love, learn to forgive, be patient, show kindness, bring your light and love.
A person must also know himself in order to realize his mission, his destiny, which is the same for everyone - to give in order to be like God in this. And how to give, in which Path to seek oneself, everyone decides for themselves. And the Universe’s hint to him is the feeling of joy and inspiration that he experiences while doing what he loves.
If a person follows his destiny and reveals his mission, gradually self-knowledge will be more complete and deeper.
“How to know yourself? Not by contemplation, only by actions. Try to do your duty and you will immediately know yourself.” I absolutely agree with this advice from Goethe. Through actions and through relationships a person learns about himself. Through awareness, he understands that he creates his own life, takes responsibility for his life. Without blaming anyone or anything for living the life that he deserves with his thoughts and actions. Chooses the position of a creator, not a victim. Understands the world around him as a reflection of himself.
I will repeat the ancient Greek wisdom: “and you will know the Universe.” Of course, this is work, labor of the soul. I know from myself how difficult it is. Constant internal efforts, constant awareness of the present moment, development of your positive mental qualities.
Spiritual teacher Sri Sathya Sai Baba teaches: “He who forgets himself cannot truly realize the truth... All those things that you see around you are your reflection, like a reflection in a mirror... If only you understand one small but subtle truth , then you can expand the horizons of your thinking and feeling to any limits. There is nothing in the Universe except the true Self.”
I encourage you, friend, know yourself! This knowledge opens up all the possibilities for your own progress, success, happiness, prosperity and love!
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And my conscience. The ego asserts itself, and conscience looks at the degree of adequacy of self-esteem.
I recognize self-affirmation as a mechanism for encouraging development. When the opportunity to use other incentives for development opens up, self-affirmation (as a stimulus for moving through life) weakens.
Another stimulus, as an example, can be interest and curiosity, which in their extremes become a thirst for knowledge. I want to understand the secret of the path I have chosen. I had already touched this secret cautiously, and it stunned me. We all willingly choose what interests us. Comprehension of the mystery begins with interest, which develops into passion, into a fire that does not burn you, but gives you even more strength!
Another incentive is love. When I love people, it’s as if I don’t need anything, I feel good simply because I am. At this time I want to do something useful and creative simply because I would like to share this state.
This doesn't happen to me often. I am still often driven by self-affirmation. But I am less and less self-flagellation about this. This stimulus is not an enemy or an insidious beast. Self-affirmation becomes the enemy when I fight it. But, accepting my self-affirmation, I feel how this stimulus develops different qualities of my attention and qualities of the power that allows me to distinguish one from another.
In this life, I, like most people, have had many “problems” due to self-affirmation, when it led to wavering self-esteem. However, all these “problems” were valuable lessons. – one of the most difficult lessons. I'm still going through it. But this acceptance, I am sure, deserves the entire path that has been traveled so far.
In this article, I once again want to talk about how our self-esteem sometimes behaves when it goes off scale to different extremes, about the lessons that we learn along the way under the influence of self-affirmation.
Fear of yourself
Imagine a caste system, where there are classes of advanced and respected gentlemen, a number of intermediate castes and several lower ones, into which all sorts of “dregs of society” usually fall. A person with wavering self-esteem lives in such a caste system, but at the same time his caste has not yet been properly defined, so the person himself does not know what he deserves, but latently (as a rule) hopes and even believes that he belongs to some advanced, or even the highest caste of highly respected and beloved gentlemen. With such an inflated self-esteem, a person is constantly in danger of colliding with reality, which brings him down to earth.
The greater the difference between the real state of affairs and inflated self-esteem, the more painful it is to fall from the heights of pride to solid ground. Therefore, most often we try to fool ourselves as skillfully as possible in such a way that our self-esteem is not underestimated, in order to continue to masterfully soar in the clouds of self-deception, blocking the realities with some rational nonsense suitable for the occasion, blaming other people for our imperfections, or “” life.
We avoid the fear of the collapse of our ego's illusions by replacing this fear with minor external “problems.” In essence, we are all afraid not of some supposedly “problematic” events, but of the changes that, due to these events, can occur in our “head”. Our mind does not want to change, and blocks everything that has a negative impact on our self-esteem. It’s easier for us to remain in the world than to admit our inferiority in anything while growing up. We agree with what fits into our self-image. We deny what this inflated image destroys.
When we perceive “confirmation” of our own worthlessness in the external world, our self-esteem fluctuates, the ego loses its support and fear penetrates our consciousness. This is how the unstable positions of our self-esteem collapse. Most often, ego supports that cannot withstand contact with reality are subject to such destruction. Inflated self-esteem is shattered when faced with the real state of affairs. To prevent such crashes from happening, we must know and accept yourself with all your darkness and inferiority within yourself, admit the presence of all your shortcomings, “sins” and vices. This is the main value of confession and psychoanalysis. During confession, a person reveals himself to the extent of his sincerity to himself.
During the psycho. In counseling, an intelligent psychologist helps a person see himself and accept himself as he is at the present moment in life. Such acceptance occurs through aggravation, through passing through fear to the truth. Therefore, at first, such work can intensify the experiences from which a person was running. Clients come for help without fully understanding that, in a sense, it is precisely this help that they have been running from all this time. Almost no one wants to talk seriously about their pressing problems. Such readiness does not come immediately. Sometimes you have to suffer through it.
By living our experiences fully, we get rid of their influence. This is acceptance of oneself in all the “completeness” of one’s experiences. Accepting yourself as selfish, rude, and weak is an important part of gaining integrity. It is this kind of acceptance that allows true altruism, sensitivity and strength to be revealed. This is the completion of the “puzzle” of personal integrity.
Fear is difficult to accept, so we block it, replacing the true problem of a “dying” ego with an external surrogate for this problem. The mind defends its positions, closing itself with all its might from the truth that shakes our selfish illusions. The mind protects itself from the truth by selecting the most appropriate rational self-deception for this self-defense. Any concept that “devalues” the cruel truth, a painful truth for the mind, and which seems more or less rationally suitable for this shamelessness of the matter is suitable as such self-deception. I already talked about these tricks of the mind in the article: “”.
Fear blocked by self-deception turns into varieties of negative experiences from mild irritation to furious rage, depending on the quantity and quality of illusions that are in danger of destruction. So, for example, if a person considers himself unreasonably smart and builds his self-esteem on this, he will block any external influences that hint at his “stupidity.” Moreover, a person will look for these “hints” on his own with enviable persistence, even in places where there was no hint of them. It’s just that latently we always know where and how we fool ourselves. We ourselves play with this self-deception, moving from the extreme of self-exaltation to the extreme of contempt for our own person. I already talked about this in the article “”.
Inappropriately high self-esteem leads to a fall, and then, in order to compensate for this fall, we try to rise even higher. This is how the Napoleon complex works. Swinging up and down, we create a kind of mental “charge”, “activity”, which begins to live its own life in our inner territory. This “activity” sensitively picks up all the impulses that affect its power. Praise, approval and agreement swing in one direction, while criticism, denial and disagreement swing it in the other. In other words, if a person has a neurosis about some of his qualities, he will look out for the encouragement and reprimand of these qualities where any other person calmly passes by without any worries at all.
Any hint from the outside world that “confirms” our worthlessness can cause us shame, irritation and even lead to prolonged depression. This confirmation may be some subtle careless or sloppy gesture that some abstract servant would not allow in relation to some king. And this gesture seems to show us that we are not the masters of life, but mere mortals, that our place is not “in the front row,” but maybe even somewhere “under the plinth.” At the same time, the person lives as if his caste has not yet been confirmed, and he worries that he might turn out to be one of the dregs of society.
Sometimes we wait for confirmation of our destiny from some random events that will confirm our caste - our place in this life. Here’s a man smiling at us, and we think: “yeah, our caste is probably one of the advanced ones!” As Nike Borzov sang: “And I am the most fashionable, and apparently the most beautiful!” Self-confidence increased, my posture became stately, my gestures majestic, my smile condescending. In general, the peacock became pompous and important.
But the man let us down. How does the mind behave? His unconscious monologue might sound like this: “Me? The great ruler of the garbage dump? Dropped? How could he? So he’s shamelessly hinting to me that I’m from a lower caste? So, because of this bastard, my whole life is now going down the drain? Because of him, can I fall into the scum of society and become an eternal servant wiping other people's asses? What if I am the dirty servant? But no one knows about this yet! But this bastard, it seems, saw something in me, recognized the signs of a dirty “servant”... And if he tells others about this, these others will also see these signs and understand that I am a nonentity, and they can humiliate me, don’t care in my direction and sent to the cesspool for parcels, like an “errand boy.” And I will live in the dirt, work hard, humiliating slave labor “for my uncle,” and die in the trash heap! Or maybe they’ll immediately throw me into the trash heap, like an inferior, defective thing.”
Everything happens in this way while a person waits for events to determine his place in this life, to “show” him who he is and what he is worthy of, until “providence” descends, or until a prince arrives on a white horse, or under “scarlet sails” . You can wait around nothing until you are old. All this is a great self-deception. Man is neither a deity nor a worm. All these are assessments of the mind, which the mind itself buys into. A person is just a person - no more, no less...
Fate
On a human, relative level, there is no destiny. Our future depends not on what someone else thinks about us, but on the choices we make ourselves. Well, think about how often and what do you think about others? Do you give meaning to these thoughts? What about words? Another person blurted out something in a bad mood and immediately forgot what he said, and the neurotic then suffers for hours from these words. It doesn’t really matter what people think and say. As a rule, no one thinks anything “important” about us. Everyone is concerned with themselves. Therefore, it doesn’t matter how people react to our inflated egos. They do this casually, without attaching any great significance to their little words, which fly out of their throats several hundred times a day. Everyone lives in their own individual hallucination, and, as a rule, attaches much more importance to their acne than to other people.
Your future is not determined by anything. In fact, here I am not talking about fate, or any missions. From a purely human perspective, your future does not depend on any external cliches. No matter what anyone thinks, you will live the way you choose. You will be worthy of what you choose. All restrictions are in your mind. Wealth, strength and health will never fall out of the blue as a divine gift just because you are supposedly a special person from a high caste. Poverty, handicap, illness and suffering are also not some kind of fate. It all depends on your decisions. In order for strength and benefits to manifest, you need to work, do something useful. To have health, self-flagellation and self-pity will not help you. And here, too, it is necessary to move, train the body and maintain an appropriate lifestyle.
And if you believe in karma and fate, then karma is our “data”: attachments, preferences, talents, etc. Karma is a cause-and-effect relationship between the “parameters” of our personality. Causes are what guides us, effects are the result of this leadership. If you prefer to sit back, you will get the corresponding result. If you wallow in self-pity, you will become pathetic and helpless. If, despite the temptations of various desires, you choose conscious action, work and creation, then again, you will receive a corresponding concrete result.
As long as ours depends on external factors, neuroses cannot be avoided, and we will blindly suffer and blindly rejoice in the confirmation of our toughness and our worthlessness. It’s just, perhaps, it’s worth understanding that changing roles from a deity to a scrubber cannot be something real. This is the work of the dualistic mind. To avoid falling and smashing your forehead on the hard ground, you should not fly in the clouds. Then the earth will turn out to be soft, warm and even pleasant for our feet.
To be worthy or to be unworthy of something is one big “buggy” neurosis. We deserve the results of our actions. That's all. You are you. It doesn't matter what they think about us. Each person dreams of his own individual assessments, and not of objective truth. Sometimes these assessments are worth listening to until you see for yourself who you are and what you can do about it.
No matter how sad it is, the more mess there is in the head, the less often a person understands the limitations of his mind, and the cruder and more primitive his self-deception. A refined, clear mind easily exposes its own gross illusions, but cleverly weaves new, sophisticated ways to fool itself with graceful, refined methods. We most actively learn these types of self-deception when we are engaged in self-improvement. The ego fights with itself on a subtle level to assert its position in a masterful deception of itself. We are developing to become truly talented people and even real masters in this difficult task of building actual beautiful illusions about ourselves for ourselves. Apparently, this is our human path to the truth, which we learn to discern by making our way through the jungle of self-deception.
Getting to know the people around you is necessary; you can’t do without it, especially for a leader. But even more important is to know yourself. It is bad for a person when he suddenly discovers, for example, that he is not as smart as he thought, not as handsome as he would like, not as brave as he thought, etc. Few people manage to maintain composure and painlessly accept unflattering yourself a new self-esteem. The opposite situation is no better, when a person suddenly finds out; From birth he had remarkable inclinations, but he built his life in such a way that he ruined them.
No matter how painful it may be for people to realize the late need to reassess themselves, this is nevertheless a case where it’s better late than never. This is what the data from foreign studies suggests.
Psychologists found people who considered themselves failures in life and had lost their prospects, became pessimists in assessing their own fate, and examined each of them using special techniques. And so: almost everyone revealed inclinations and abilities that they were almost unaware of. People became losers not because they were doomed to it due to some shortcomings. It’s just that their lives were planned by themselves based on personal qualities that actually did not exist. When they were helped to refocus their life goals on the actual opportunities available, and were given a series of special classes, many of yesterday’s losers rediscovered themselves. During a three-month course of individual training, taking into account newly discovered inclinations, some of them, who had never previously picked up a brush, learned to paint, and so much so that their paintings began to be accepted for exhibitions of works by professional artists. And there is no miracle here, because there are no people who are incapable of anything.
It is very important to know yourself as early as possible so as not to break down, putting an unbearable burden on your shoulders due to ignorance of your own capabilities, or, conversely, not to bury in yourself the abilities that nature has endowed every mentally healthy person.
For those who have not lost interest in themselves, rules of self-knowledge can be formulated.
Rule one. We must remember that our Self is quite ambiguous. Experts indicate more than a dozen of its meanings. For example, I am how I seem to myself at the present time. This does not always coincide with what I would like to become, how I would like to appear to people, what I really am, and even more so with what the people around me think I am. You can talk about a fantastic Self, that is, about the kind of self that I could become if... And this is not all the Self. So, when you are going to understand your Self, you need to at least approximately determine which of the many meanings we are talking about.
Of course, the main focus should be on what I actually am objectively. It is also necessary to know the true ideas of the people around me about themselves, because their attitude, willingness to cooperate or conflict with me depend on this. But it does not follow from this that the opinions of others about oneself should be accepted uncritically, as the ultimate truth. It is useful to carefully evaluate not only your own ideas about yourself, but also the ideas of others.
Rule two. A person has an inherent need for self-respect, to maintain his own relatively high opinion of himself. Loss of self-esteem entails negative consequences and deprives a person of the ability to clearly manage his behavior in strict accordance with certain goals. We can say that without self-respect, a person largely ceases to be a person.
The following statement by V. I. Lenin is instructive in this regard:
“A slave who is aware of his slave position and fights against it is a revolutionary,” he wrote. - A slave who is not aware of his slavery and vegetates in a silent, unconscious and wordless slave life is simply a slave. A slave whose mouth waters when he smugly describes the delights of slave life and admires his kind and good master is a slave, a boor” (Poln. sobr. soch. Vol. 16. p. 40).
Such is the power of self-respect: in the same objectively slavish living conditions, its presence makes a person a revolutionary, and a lack or absence pushes him to the bottom of social life.
Rule three. A person seeking to know himself must constantly remember that the psyche has a very specific property: it seems to displace unpleasant, disturbing experiences from the sphere of consciousness, “forgets” them. Is it good or bad? And then. and other. Good, because it’s easy to imagine how the continuous accumulation of unpleasant experiences would end: a person might not be able to withstand psychological overstrain. It’s bad because the fact that disturbing experiences disappear from the psyche interferes with the awareness of the events behind them and an objective assessment of one’s own role in them.
For example, if I feel a feeling of shame for an act I committed towards another person, but this experience quickly disappears from my memory under the influence of a certain mental property, then I begin to evaluate myself without taking into account this unworthy act. But another person who was hurt by my behavior will remember well that I “already forgot.” And my self-esteem without taking into account the opinion of others about me will be incomplete. Hence the rule: you must try to understand and analyze disturbing, not very clear experiences in order to adjust your self-esteem based on them.
Rule four. A person commits many actions without preliminary thinking. If they did not entail any special complications, then, as they say, the incident is over. But when suddenly a rash step leads to unpleasant consequences for himself, a person or other people, he irresistibly strives to justify his action, the inappropriateness of which is obvious to everyone. This is not done intentionally, but subconsciously, to maintain self-esteem at the proper level. For example, if I was rude to a person for no apparent reason, for which I was called to account, then I try to retroactively find the reasons for my incontinence so that my behavior looks like it is completely normal and the only acceptable one in this situation. Such self-defense without sufficient grounds opposes an objective assessment of one’s behavior.
But if the rationalization of the motive (as this phenomenon is called in psychology) becomes the rule for a given person, then the contradictions between self-esteem and real behavior will increase and can lead to serious conflicts. Therefore, any event to which you are directly or indirectly related must be assessed without rationalizing motives so that your participation in the event is not diminished or exaggerated. This is very difficult, painful for self-esteem, but useful for self-knowledge.
Rule five. When a person is very excited, for example, under the influence of an unpleasant conversation with someone, but he himself cannot respond in kind, then he looks for the so-called “scapegoat” and “discharges”, like lightning, into an unsuspecting third person. Thus, the insult inflicted by the husband on his wife ultimately spills over onto the child, whom the mother suddenly begins to scold for no apparent reason. A saleswoman whose mood has been ruined by her boss does exactly the same thing: for no apparent reason she attacks the first customer she comes across. Not only the buyer suffers from this, but also the saleswoman herself and her self-esteem. What is the conclusion from this? An explosion of mood, strong excitement associated with failure, resentment or some other trouble sharply narrows a person’s consciousness, that is, roughly speaking, makes him stupider than he really is. In such a state, few people are able to evaluate their actions and regulate behavior taking into account the requirements of self-respect. Therefore, a person who has set himself the goal of self-knowledge should not bring himself to such a state where he actually loses self-control. Once you get caught up in an emotional explosion, it is extremely difficult to get out of it.
Rule six. Observant people know: if a boy is not indifferent to a girl, then he causes her a lot of trouble (pulling her pigtails, distracting her from the lesson, etc.). In psychology this is explained as follows. The child began to be disturbed by a dull feeling of sympathy for the girl, a feeling the essence of which he did not yet understand. But he himself also dully feels that this is “something bad”, for which neither his comrades nor his teachers will praise him, should they guess what it is. Hence the behavior that is completely contrary to the feeling, the opposite reaction.
This doesn't just happen to children. Adults are also not exempt from opposite reactions, and only, of course, in relation to the other sex. Thus, it is easy to notice that in a team, sycophants do not always openly fawn over their superiors. Some of them realize that sycophancy is condemned by others, and does not bring much joy to themselves. And then the opposite reaction occurs: the sycophant begins to attack the boss, remaining a sycophant at heart and hating himself for this mean quality. What follows from this? If you catch yourself thinking that you are overcome by feelings that are condemned in the team, you should not try to mask them with the opposite reaction. This can deceive someone, but you cannot deceive yourself: this quality will still reveal itself, no matter how carefully you hide it. We must try to analyze it, give it a well-deserved assessment, without sparing our pride, and try to overcome this character trait openly, without playing to the public.
Rule seven. A person is often prevented from knowing himself by the fact that, having some negative qualities that are not fully realized, he cannot evaluate them due to the fact that he does not want to admit bad qualities. He doesn't like them. Then in his mind these qualities are projected onto other people. Thus, by justifying himself, he seems to get rid of bad qualities. Such a deceptive feeling allows you to maintain self-respect, and therefore is not rejected. So, a person who steals where he works understands that he is doing something bad, it bothers him, it interferes with his mental balance. And then he projects his inclinations onto other people and begins to believe that everyone around him steals, which makes him feel better. A false opinion calms him down and acts on his conscience like a drug.
A similar mechanism is found in nationalistic prejudices, when representatives of one nation attribute inclinations that they condemn and disturb them to other nations and nationalities. Knowledge of such human weakness allows us to conclude: the fact that other people, in my opinion, are “worse than me” or “the same as me” does not give the right to self-respect. Moreover, it lulls vigilance and interferes with a person’s objective self-knowledge.
Rule eight. Everyone’s life and work includes a wide variety of events and situations, varying in the degree of difficulties that have to be overcome. Events occur during which a person’s behavior and activity encounter serious difficulties, unusual, previously unencountered situations. It is under these conditions that a person receives the most information for self-knowledge. That's why you need to be especially self-critical here.
If under normal conditions many actions are performed. As mentioned above, without conscious thought and control, going with the flow in a difficult situation is unacceptable. To the extent that a person is psychologically prepared for surprises, his self-esteem deserves a high score. Therefore, one must have the ability to continuously be in a state of vigilance in everyday and professional terms. A person who often gets into trouble when difficult situations suddenly arise should think deeply about his behavior.
Rule nine. Rarely does anyone suspect what powerful reserves lie hidden in a person. First of all, this concerns the reserves of physical development, but also mental abilities, if they are constantly exercised, solving increasingly complex intellectual problems.
A person’s possibilities for improving professional skills are also unlimited. A simple example: capable fabric dyers distinguish between 40 and 60 shades of black. An experienced grinder is 200 (!) times more alert than an untrained person: he perceives gaps and gaps up to 0.0005 mm, while a non-specialist only up to 0.1 mm.
Man's potential for moral improvement and self-education is great. It's never too late to start cultivating in yourself such qualities as honesty and truthfulness, a conscientious attitude to work, kindness to other people and self-discipline. That is why in self-knowledge you cannot focus only on the successes achieved. No matter how great they may be, one must always evaluate oneself from the point of view of the prospects that are open to a person.
Rule ten. It, unlike the previous nine, concerns only people in power. All other natural inclinations being equal, it is more difficult for a leader to evaluate himself than for an ordinary person who is not endowed with the right to give orders and instructions to others and demand their strict execution. He is in less favorable conditions from the point of view of self-knowledge, and there are many reasons for this.
The leader has the right to judge and pardon. It determines how rewards and responsibilities are distributed in the team. In the case when it is necessary to solve the dilemma of “who will do what,” not every official manages to force himself to give the “pies” to a subordinate and accept the “bumps” addressed to himself. More often they do the opposite. This can be humanly understood, but cannot be justified. It is much more difficult for a person who has the opportunity to do this to soberly evaluate himself. In order to avoid disaster, a manager must learn to take on the team’s failures, analyze them impartially to find an answer to the question: “Could I, as a manager, insure in advance for probable failures?” This means abandoning the “dump truck” principle, that is, the style in which the boss shifts responsibility for a mistake onto his subordinate. In this case, the leader has the opportunity for deeper self-knowledge. It is known that they are very willing to report good news to their boss, and slow down those that could spoil his mood. Now, of course, it’s not like in ancient times, people don’t cut off their heads for bad news. Nevertheless, human weaknesses remained, albeit in the form of a not very dangerous psychological rudiment,
It happens that subordinates sometimes, in their seemingly forgivable desire to please their beloved boss, overdo it. Then the negative information is not just slowed down, but deliberately hidden and does not reach the boss. Accordingly, good news is emphasized, embellished and exaggerated. Moreover, sometimes they are fabricated from scratch. This is something to make a manager’s head spin: where is there to an objective assessment of the state of affairs in the entrusted area and adjustments to self-esteem?
Rule eleven and the last thing. Again, for the edification of the leader. Among the subordinates there are different people. Some are good, others are not so good, others are bad... You have to work with those who are there. But there are such active ones in teams that sometimes make you want to run to another job. They openly slap the truth in the eyes of those who need it and especially those who don’t, and strive to climb onto the podium at every opportunity. There is no way to come into the office and behind a closed door say: so, so, comrade boss, we know you well, we stand behind you like a mountain, we love and appreciate you. But there are some shortcomings due to the fault of such and such comrades. Those comrades would have been brought to their senses in an instant. How much trouble these truth-seekers cause, how they let down senior management and how badly they influence the team!
The sycophants poison the truth-seekers - they are offended: they also see everything, but do not dare to say.
The rule here is this: no matter how much trouble a truth-seeker may cause, a smart boss will not let him be offended and will protect him from the attacks of smiling saints. After all, if a team loses such people, over time it will certainly begin to stagnate and become indifferent. So take care of the restless, inconvenient truth-seekers. They help you look soberly at the affairs and actions of people.
This is the last piece of advice for both bosses and their subordinates.