What a well-mannered person. What does it mean to be an educated person?

Inna Vasilyeva
Consultation for parents “What does it mean to be a well-mannered person?”

"What it means to be an educated person?» Good manners there is the adoption of good habits. Plato - How do you answer this question? The explanatory dictionary says that « well-mannered“is someone who knows how to behave well.”. – Who do we consider? well-mannered? Maybe be, the one who received higher education?

Life shows that not everyone is educated consider a person well-mannered. Education in itself does not determine good manners, although it creates favorable conditions for this. Well-mannered man has sufficient tact, he knows how to behave in society, has good manners. Well-mannered man not difficult to recognize at first glance. His appearance speaks for itself myself: he does not get lost in unfamiliar company, knows how to sit at the table, and eats nicely and neatly. But good manners- it's not just good manners. This is something deep and significant in person. This "something" is internal culture and intelligence, the basis of which is cordiality and respect for others person.

To be educated means to be attentive to others, delicate, tactful, not petty.

Conclusion: genuine good manners and culture cannot be combined with lordly arrogance.

Completely incompatible with the concept of a well-mannered person, cynicism is arrogant, shameless behavior imbued with contempt for people. Cynicism is a profound manifestation bad manners, lack of genuine internal culture, disrespect for people and society. “Cynicism is dangerous, first of all, because it elevates anger to a virtue” (Andre Maurois, French writer). People with cynical behavior are capable of not creating, but destroying, not respecting, but humiliating the people around them; and most importantly, they do not feel their own responsibility for anything.

– What is the main quality that distinguishes a well-mannered person from an ill-mannered one? Attitude towards people, attention to them, respect for their individuality. Every Human feels and feels in its own way perceives the surrounding world, he has his own characteristics of memory, thinking, attention, he has a unique imagination, his own interests, needs, sympathies, affections, mood characteristics, greater or lesser strength of emotional experiences, strong or weak will, "easy" or "difficult" character, he has his own life experience, his own observations, his own disappointments, sorrows and joys, habits, and finally, his own destiny. What kind of wealth is this inner world? person! There are no uninteresting people in the world. Their destinies are like stories planets: Each one has everything special, its own, And there are no planets similar to it. E. Yevtushenko How important it is to understand and constantly remember that not only I have such a complex inner world, but also each of the people around me. And if Human who is next to me is different from me, then this is not Means that he is worse than me. He is just different, and you need to respect this other person with his individual characteristics, with his strengths and weaknesses. We must assume that the other Human- an independent person who determines her own behavior. Therefore, urging, rudeness, pulling back, commanding tone, etc. are incompatible with the concept « well-mannered person» . Well-mannered man not only knows how to understand himself, his desires, capabilities, actions, but also knows how to understand the people around him, take into account and respect their interests, desires, tastes, habits, moods, and sincerely respond to their feelings and experiences.

Understand the features a person is not so easy. We often explain the actions, moods and attitudes of others based on our own ideas about their causes. I must say it's good Human He usually sees good intentions in people's actions and relationships. And the bad ones are bad. Good a person is usually gullible. In his relationships with people, he proceeds from the idea that everyone is kind, honest, decent, and is very surprised and upset when he does not find these qualities in someone. Bad the person is suspicious, he sees in everyone a swindler, a careerist, any success of another person he explains by cunning, flattery, deception; and it is very difficult to convince him of the decency of this person. In general, the ability to understand the most essential features of another person, determine the true meaning of his actions, moods, discrepancies in assessments and ideas that arise among people, indicate a fairly high cultural development person. Cultural, well-mannered person, first of all, takes care not to humiliate the dignity of another person. I would like to draw attention to one more quality that we are embarrassed to talk about out loud, which many, unfortunately, consider old-fashioned. This is nobility. True nobility is to come to the aid of person, no matter what unfavorable circumstances and consequences accompany it. Associated with this quality is the ability a person to sympathize, empathize, sympathize, assist - a sign of the spiritual maturity of a person. Nobility - high morality person, combined with dedication and honesty. We sometimes have the happy moments of meeting with a noble person, but these moments are very rare. Why? Probably because there are really very few noble and truly cultured people in life. Well, what about us ourselves? For some reason, we dare to demand nobility and generosity, sympathy and understanding, forgiveness and help from other people towards us. What about yourself? Let's ask ourselves a few questions and try to answer them. What is most important for us - « be» or "seem"? Are people interesting to us in themselves, outside of their position, place of work and material capabilities? Do we respect others or just pretend?

Do we love anyone other than ourselves? In other words, what are our innermost, deepest needs, desires and values? No matter how we answer these questions, our words, actions, deeds and attitudes betray us. The great I. Goethe wrote that “behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his true appearance.” WHAT IT MEANS TO BE EDUCATED It became completely natural for us phrases: "He - well-mannered person”, “She’s just a boor,” etc. But often we ourselves find it difficult to determine what we mean by the concept “ well-mannered person”. And, by the way, it would be nice to know what exactly it consists of good manners, at least in order to be exactly like that how others want to see us. Politeness. The ancient Greeks argued that it is necessary to be a very outstanding person to afford be impolite. It is politeness that softens morals, prevents quarrels, pacifies irritation and hatred, forces restraint, and contributes to the emergence of love and respect.

Politeness can be learned, but there is also an innate politeness that comes from the soul, and not from education. Rules of politeness prohibit: - entering an official institution wearing a hat (men) and talk loudly (for both sexes); - make noise, disturb and irritate others; - criticize someone's religious beliefs; - humiliate someone's nationality; - laugh at the mistakes and mistakes of other people; - attribute offensive epithets to your interlocutor out loud; - send a letter or gift to the return address; - speak in a disrespectful tone about your interlocutor’s relatives; - distort names and surnames; - open someone else’s bag, look into it if it is open, examine the contents of other people’s pockets; - unauthorizedly pull out the drawers of someone else’s desk and rearrange their contents both at work and at home, as well as open someone else’s closet, cupboard, pantry. Tact. Tact is moral intuition well-mannered person, as if suggesting to him the most correct approach, the most subtle, delicate, cautious line of behavior in relation to others.

Tact presupposes in us tolerance, generosity, attention and deep respect for the inner world of other people, a sincere desire and ability to understand them, to feel what can bring them joy and what can upset them. Tactfulness is a sense of proportion that should be observed in a conversation, in any relationship with people, the ability not to cross the line, behind which there is always an insult to the interlocutor. Tactfulness also involves the ability to timely determine the interlocutor’s reaction to our words or actions

and, in necessary cases, self-criticism and the ability to apologize in time for a mistake. Tact does not negate integrity, directness, honesty, and the rules of tactful behavior are far from the first in the moral code. But very often it is the lack of tact that hurts those close to us. Punctuality. It is she who demonstrates good manners. Only a valid reason can excuse lateness.

Deliberately making yourself wait (even to young ladies invited on a first date)- impolite. Modesty. Modest Human never strives to show himself better, more capable, smarter than others, does not emphasize his superiority over them, does not talk about his qualities, does not demand any privileges, special services, or amenities. At the same time, modesty is not timidity or shyness. Typically, truly modest people in critical situations turn out to be much firmer than others in upholding their principles. Helpfulness. It is a virtue until it becomes an obsession. It is best to make it a rule to provide services only when you are asked for it. If you are approached with a request that you are unable to fulfill, it is better to refuse immediately than to give your word and not keep it. Good manners. “The best manners are those who embarrass the least number of people,” said Jonathan Swift. Not accepted in society: - put yourself and your clothes in order, straighten your tie, hairstyle, clean your nails; - combing your hair and generally touching your hair; - use your little fingernail as a toothpick; - crack your knuckles; - rub hands; - straighten clothes; - constantly “purr” something under your breath; - show your anger and indignation through violent manifestations, offensive, rude words. Now look at your behavior and think about how polite you are.

This is the one who has mastered it to perfection. Thanks to good manners, you can establish favorable relationships with society, which significantly increases the comfort of life for each individual.

Distinctive features

This is a person who uses expressions, intonation and tone in conversation that are conducive to friendly communication. Gestures, gait, and facial expressions also play an important role. You should be moderately modest, but not uptight and secretive. When you give your word, you need to be responsible for it, keep your promises, because you need not only to make a good impression, but also to consolidate it and maintain it for a long time.

The qualities of a well-mannered person help him communicate tactfully with others. There are specific instructions and tips that will help you get a fairly clear idea of the etiquette framework within which you will be considered a pleasant conversationalist and a welcome guest in any company.

Correct communication

To begin with, you should not speak too loudly and use rude expressions, because your goal is not to outshout your opponent. If you have a dispute with someone, you should rely entirely on the logic and reasoning of your own position. A well-mannered person is a person who is able to assert himself through calm confidence in his own arguments, and not through emotional pressure on a competitor. Gestures should be calm and smooth; you should not make excessively sudden movements; they usually do not leave the most pleasant impression.

In fact, the people around you want to tune in to a wave of peace and harmony; deep down they will not forgive you if you want to disturb this state. In addition to the fact that you should not interfere with the peaceful life of others, you should also think about yourself. Keep track of your wardrobe. It is not necessary to dress in the latest fashion in the latest items from the most expensive brands, but a well-mannered person should at least control the cleanliness and neatness of his own clothes. There is nothing difficult about putting on only clean clothes, ironing them before putting them on, and cleaning your shoes.

The Importance of Self-Control

Life does not always flow according to the scenario that we draw in our imagination. Sometimes it drives us into a dead end, causes stress, forces us to leave our comfort zone, but even then we should not lose composure, attributing everything to circumstances.

What kind of person is called well-mannered? Perhaps the one who, having stepped on a cat in a dark corridor, calls it a cat. That is, good manners should not be a mask for you, with the help of which you try to gain the trust of others. They should become the norm, a habit, the only acceptable way of communication.

Even if you didn’t share something with someone, your opinions differed from someone else’s in a dialogue, you are faced with a complete reluctance to take your arguments into account, you should not lose control. In such situations, the best adviser is the voice of reason, as well as previously learned ones that will help not lead the situation into an even greater dead end.

The rules of a well-mannered person exclude the manifestation of hostility towards other people. You can say that you have a different point of view, but under no circumstances should you make it personal. It is enough to conclude that you are not on the same path and go your separate ways without going into further details.

Show respect and courtesy

Respect in society must be earned and, most importantly, not lost in the future. What kind of person is called well-mannered? Someone who is always ready to listen carefully to anyone who turns to him for advice, or at least not to show obvious disdain. Sometimes it's difficult.

Everyone encounters situations when there is neither time nor desire to communicate with a specific person. At such moments, it is very important to deviate from the conversation tactfully so that the interlocutor does not leave an unpleasant aftertaste in his soul.

To be able to follow your interests without offending others is a great art, worthy of understanding and mastering, because it greatly simplifies life and opens up many opportunities.

Don't humiliate yourself and don't impose yourself

You can also consider the opposite situation, when you need something, but they no longer want to communicate with you, for lack of the same free time or a banal craving for it. A well-mannered person is one who will not impose himself and put his own interests at the forefront. You can only offer your own company.

There is nothing wrong with asking others for a favor, but true tactlessness would be to extort them, accuse them of indifference, and so on. In essence, blaming other people is a lack of tact. In fact, such people blame others for the same things they themselves do.

If you try to achieve what you want using such methods, you can fall very low in the eyes of others, and then it will be very difficult to return a positive impression of yourself.

Improving the social life of the individual

Thanks to the rules of etiquette, you can get an idea of how you should behave so that awkward situations and conflicts with other individuals do not arise. In general terms, they imply respect and benevolence during communication. In this case, the social position or position of the interlocutor should not play a significant role. Everyone is equally worthy of being treated properly.

Humanism believes that every human creation is inherently pure. Etiquette helps not to lose this inner light, maintain it within yourself and take care of the well-being of others.

Man is a creature for whom life in a society of his own kind is considered optimal. We are all closely connected. By insulting someone, you are discrediting yourself. A person whose upbringing and manners would not allow such a debasement would never do this.

By maintaining friendly relationships with other people, a person ensures his own peace. By respecting others, you value yourself highly. Those who assert themselves through rudeness and humiliation tend to have low self-esteem and do not consider themselves important.

Conversely, individuals who show respect for those around them feel quite confident and comfortable in society. The choice is yours.

MATERIAL

to extracurricular activities

“What does it mean to be an educated person”

Teacher:

Vdovichenko N.N.

What does “well-mannered person” mean?

Good manners is the acquisition of good habits.

Plato

How do you answer this question?

The explanatory dictionary says that “well-mannered is someone who knows how to behave well.”

Who do we consider educated? Maybe someone who has received a higher education?

Life shows that every educated person cannot be considered well-mannered. Education in itself does not predetermine good manners, although it does create favorable conditions for this.

A well-mannered person has sufficient tact, he knows how to behave in society, and has good manners. A well-mannered person is not difficult to recognize at first sight. His appearance speaks for itself: he does not get lost in unfamiliar company, knows how to sit at the table, and eats gracefully and neatly. But good manners are not only good manners. It is something deep and essential in a person. This “something” is internal culture and intelligence, the basis of which is cordiality and respect for another person.

Example (memoirs of the People's Artist of the USSR):

“It seems to me that the actor of the Art Theater Vasily Ivanovich Kachalov is the standard of such qualities. He walked down the street - and you’ll admire him. Both modestly and festively... He certainly remembered all the names and patronymics of the people he met. He organically respected people and was always interested in them. With him, every woman felt attractive, a gentle creature, worthy of care. The man felt smart and very necessary to him (Kachalov) at the moment. Vasily Ivanovich seemed to “absorb” into himself other people’s lives, faces, characters, and he was among people like a holiday, like human beauty and nobility.”

In this regard, I would like to recall such a personality quality as charm. A charming person has an attractive force, he is always friendly, prudent, his smile is bright and natural, meeting and talking with him is a pleasure. And to be well-mannered means to be attentive to others, delicate, tactful, and not petty.

Example. In a letter to his brother Nikolai, Anton Pavlovich Chekhov writes what conditions, in his opinion, educated people should satisfy. I think it is useful for us to listen to his words: “They respect the human person, and therefore are always condescending, gentle, polite, compliant... They do not rebel over a hammer or a missing rubber band; when living with someone, they do not make a favor out of it, and when they leave, they do not say: “I can’t live with you!” They forgive noise, cold, overcooked meat, witticisms, and the presence of strangers in their home...

They are sincere and fear lies like fire. They don't lie even about trifles. A lie is offensive to the listener and vulgarizes the speaker in his eyes. They do not show off, they behave on the street the same way as at home, and do not throw dust in the eyes of the smaller brethren. They are not talkative and do not come out with frankness when they are not asked...

They do not humiliate themselves in order to arouse sympathy in others. They don’t play on the strings of someone else’s soul so that in response they sigh and coddle them. They don’t say: “They don’t understand me!”, because all this has a cheap effect, it’s vulgar, old, false...

They are not vain. They are not interested in such false diamonds as meeting celebrities... Doing business for a penny, they do not rush around with their stick for a hundred rubles and do not boast that they were allowed to go where others were not allowed...”

Conclusion: genuine good manners and culture cannot be combined with lordly arrogance.

Cynicism is completely incompatible with the concept of a well-mannered person - arrogant, shameless behavior, imbued with contempt for people. Cynicism is a deep manifestation of bad manners, lack of genuine internal culture, disrespect for people and society.

“Cynicism is dangerous, first of all, because it elevates anger to a virtue” (Andre Maurois, French writer).

People with cynical behavior are capable of not creating, but destroying, not respecting, but humiliating the people around them; and most importantly, they do not feel their own responsibility for anything.

What is the main quality that distinguishes a well-mannered person from an ill-mannered one?

Attitude towards people, attention to them, respect for their individuality.

Each person feels and perceives the world around him in his own way, he has his own characteristics of memory, thinking, attention, he has a unique imagination, his own interests, needs, sympathies, affections, mood characteristics, greater or lesser strength of emotional experiences, strong or weak will, “easy” or “difficult” character, he has his own life experience, his own observations, his own disappointments, sorrows and joys, habits, and finally, his own destiny. What a wealth this is - the inner world of man!

There are no uninteresting people in the world.

Their destinies are like the stories of the planets:

Each one has everything special, its own,

And there are no planets similar to it.

E. Yevtushenko

How important it is to understand and constantly remember that not only I have such a complex inner world, but also each of the people around me. And if the person who is next to me is different from me, this does not mean that he is worse than me. He is simply different, and you need to respect this other person with his individual characteristics, with his strengths and weaknesses. We must proceed from the fact that the other person is an independent person who determines his own behavior. Therefore, urging, rudeness, pulling back, commanding tone, etc. are incompatible with the concept of a “well-mannered person.”

A well-mannered person not only knows how to understand himself, his desires, capabilities, actions, but also knows how to understand the people around him, take into account and respect their interests, desires, tastes, habits, moods, and sincerely respond to their feelings and experiences.

Example. “It also happens,” writes the writer S. Shurtakov, “whether on the road or in a distant village you meet a new person, an stranger; a person will catch your eye: he’s handsome, he’s interesting to talk to, he’s smart, and in general, as they used to say in the old days, he’s got everything in him. However, you talked with your new acquaintance, got to know him better, shook his hand goodbye and said “goodbye,” but you just feel, you understand: even if this date doesn’t happen, you won’t be very upset, you won’t be sad. The person remained in your eyes, but not in your heart, nothing touched him, nothing from all the interesting conversations resonated in him.”

Indeed, how each of us wants to meet in our interlocutor a consonance of thoughts, feelings, and moods. We are grateful to those people who listen to us sympathetically and try to understand what interests us and worries us. We often don’t need specific advice, but need to “talk it out” in the presence of a person whose goodwill we feel within ourselves. What about feedback?

But others expect the same from us! They hope for our understanding and interest in them. But understanding human characteristics is not so easy. We often explain the actions, moods and attitudes of others based on our own ideas about their causes. It must be said that a good person usually sees good intentions in people’s actions and relationships. And the bad ones are bad.

A good person is usually trusting. In his relationships with people, he proceeds from the idea that everyone is kind, honest, decent, and is very surprised and upset when he does not find these qualities in someone. A bad person is suspicious, he sees in everyone a swindler, a careerist, he explains any success of another person by his cunning, flattery, deception; and it is very difficult to convince him of the decency of this person.

In general, the ability to understand the most significant characteristics of another person, to determine the true meaning of his actions, moods, discrepancies in assessments and ideas that arise among people, indicates a fairly high cultural development of a person.

A cultured, educated person, first of all, takes care not to humiliate the dignity of another person.

I would like to draw attention to one more quality that we are embarrassed to talk about out loud, which many, unfortunately, consider old-fashioned. This is nobility.

True nobility is to come to the aid of a person, no matter what unfavorable circumstances and consequences accompany this. Associated with this quality is a person’s ability to sympathize, empathize, sympathize, and assist - a sign of the spiritual maturity of a person.

Nobility is a person’s high morality, combined with dedication and honesty.

We sometimes have the happy moments of meeting a noble person, but these moments are very rare. Why? Probably because there are really very few noble and truly cultured people in life.

Well, what about us ourselves? For some reason, we dare to demand nobility and generosity, sympathy and understanding, forgiveness and help from other people towards us. What about yourself? Let's ask ourselves a few questions and try to answer them.

What is most important for us - “to be” or “to appear”? Are people interesting to us in themselves, outside of their position, place of work and material capabilities? Do we respect others or just pretend? Do we love anyone other than ourselves? In other words, what are our innermost, deepest needs, desires and values?

No matter how we answer these questions, our words, actions, deeds and attitudes betray us.

The great I. Goethe wrote that “behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his true appearance.”

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE EDUCATED

The phrases became completely natural for us: “He is a well-mannered person,” “She is just a boor,” etc. But often we ourselves find it difficult to determine what we mean by the concept of “well-mannered person.” And, by the way, it would be nice to know what exactly good manners consists of, if only in order to be exactly what others want us to see.

Politeness. The ancient Greeks argued that you had to be a very outstanding person to allow yourself to be impolite. It is politeness that softens morals, prevents quarrels, pacifies irritation and hatred, forces restraint, and contributes to the emergence of love and respect. Politeness can be learned, but there is also innate politeness that comes from the soul, and not from upbringing.

Polite rules prohibit:

Enter an official institution wearing a hat (for men) and talking loudly (for both sexes);

Make noise, disturb and irritate others;

Criticize someone's religious beliefs;

To humiliate someone's nationality;

Laugh at other people's mistakes and mistakes;

Call your interlocutor out loud with offensive epithets;

Send a letter or gift to the return address;

Speak in a disrespectful tone about your interlocutor’s relatives;

Distort first and last names;

Open someone else's bag, look into it if it is open, examine the contents of someone else's pockets;

Unauthorizedly pulling out the drawers of someone else's desk and rearranging their contents both at work and at home, as well as opening someone else's closet, cupboard, or pantry.

Tact. Tact is the moral intuition of a well-mannered person, as if suggesting to him the most correct approach, the most subtle, delicate, cautious line of behavior towards others.

Tact presupposes in us tolerance, generosity, attention and deep respect for the inner world of other people, a sincere desire and ability to understand them, to feel what can bring them joy and what can upset them. Tactfulness is a sense of proportion that should be observed in a conversation, in any relationship with people, the ability not to cross the line, behind which there is always an insult to the interlocutor. Tactfulness also presupposes the ability to timely determine the interlocutor’s reaction to our words or actions and, in necessary cases, self-criticism and the ability to apologize in time for a mistake.

Tact does not negate integrity, directness, honesty, and the rules of tactful behavior are far from the first in the moral code. But very often it is the lack of tact that hurts those close to us.

Punctuality. It is she who demonstrates good manners. Only a valid reason can excuse lateness. Intentionally keeping yourself waiting (even for young ladies invited on a first date) is impolite.

Modesty. A modest person never strives to show himself better, more capable, smarter than others, does not emphasize his superiority over them, does not talk about his qualities, does not demand any privileges, special services, or amenities.

At the same time, modesty is not timidity or shyness. Typically, truly modest people in critical situations turn out to be much firmer than others in upholding their principles.

Helpfulness. It is a virtue until it becomes an obsession. It is best to make it a rule to provide services only when you are asked for it. If you are approached with a request that you are unable to fulfill, it is better to refuse immediately than to give your word and not keep it.

Good manners.“The best manners are those who embarrass the least number of people,” said Jonathan Swift.

Not accepted in society:

Put yourself and your clothes in order, straighten your tie, hairstyle, clean your nails;

Combing your hair and generally touching your hair;

Use your little fingernail as a toothpick;

Click your knuckles;

Rubbing hands;

Tighten clothes;

Constantly “purr” something under your breath;

Violent manifestations, offensive, rude words reveal your anger and indignation.

Now look at your behavior and think about how polite you are.

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Essay

on the topic “Who is a well-mannered person”

At different times, people put different meanings into the concept of a well-mannered person, because “good” education was presented differently to people of different eras. Even today, there are many concepts that define the upbringing of a person. For example, for some, a well-mannered person means an easily controlled person, and for others, a well-mannered person means one who follows all the rules of society. As they say, how many people, so many opinions.

I believe that a well-mannered person is an established personality who observes all the norms of morality and behavior in society, and also respects the interests of other people as his own. A well-mannered person is capable of not only committing actions, but also being responsible for what he has done. Politeness and a sense of tact are an integral part of his personality. Such a person should be tolerant of all people, regardless of their position in society, age or gender. A well-mannered person will not point out their shortcomings to others; on the contrary, he will try in every possible way to smooth out the situation so as not to cause inconvenience to someone. He is never rude to anyone, not even his enemies. A well-mannered person does not show hostility towards those who are not to his liking, but shows respect in the same way as with other people. well-mannered person behavior

We all receive our upbringing, first of all, in our family. The behavior of their children depends on the behavior of parents. Education is also given by educators and teachers in kindergartens and schools. But I think that good manners are not only the result of the influence of the above people. Of course, they play a huge role in the development of the personality of an educated person; their main task is to instill an interest in being educated, to make this a desired goal. If the educators have completed their work successfully, then in the future the person will self-educate and improve, which is the second component of good manners, in my opinion.

Thus, an educated person is not only a person possessing all the above-mentioned qualities, but also a person who constantly improves himself and engages in self-education.

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