First you need to figure out who this “nobody” is. Most likely, this someone is a specific person, perhaps a friend or acquaintance, a teacher or parent. Of course, it’s very sad when no one wants to listen to you, no one understands, but often there is something else hidden behind this. Your expectations from a relationship may not coincide with people's ideas about how to communicate, how to listen to your feelings, and they may experience similar experiences. But you can begin to establish mutual understanding and learn, first of all, to find support within yourself.
First, try to understand what “to be understood” means to you. What exactly do you expect from people, what behavior, what reactions and actions, and what, on the contrary, is unacceptable for you.
Do the following exercise:
Write a short essay, continuing the phrase: “I want (here you need to write the specific name of someone who doesn’t understand you - for example, Vasya or Tanya) to understand that I... when...”.
This way it will become clearer to you what exactly you want to explain to them, what you want to convey to them, what message you are conveying to them. Perhaps you just want them to listen to you and not give you judgments or unnecessary advice.
Then the following short essay: “And they, it seems to me, think that I...” This will make it clearer to you exactly what they don’t understand you about. Just don’t brush it off like “I already know all this!” Once you write, chances are that your perspective will actually change.
And then think that it is those who do not understand you who are trying to convey to you. And why do they do it, and how do they feel about it?
And think again and ask yourself an honest question - do you want understanding or approval? Because these are different things, and our actions will not always be approved by those around us. Moreover, we may be listened to and understood, but not supported by our position and actions.
For example, parents may understand that their child wants to quit school because heavy workloads and some subjects are difficult, but they are not going to approve such a decision and will insist that the child cope with it anyway and pass all educational tests.
But they will always listen and support if you have a difficult situation at school. For example, the desire to quit school may be influenced by a conflict with someone in the class - either the teacher was too demanding or unfair. Parents, of course, will be ready to support and understand, give advice, perhaps allow you to take a break and distract yourself and restore strength, but this does not mean that you can expect them to understand and support the protest against the school.
Be that as it may, it is important that you understand yourself and can support yourself in difficult times... In those moments when it seems to you that no one wants to listen to you, and you cannot get support and understanding, try to find a resource and support , continuing 2 phrases:
I can handle this situation because I have...
No matter what happens, I can always...
Add your strong and important qualities to these phrases, remember a specific experience when you managed to cope with a past situation, think about something good and positive! Find those words that may become your slogan and motto in life, like the phrase "The darkest hour before the dawn."
How to be loved? Many girls ask this question. If someone has such thoughts only during periods of bad mood, then for other representatives of the fair sex this is a real complex that requires consultation with a psychologist. So, what to do if no one loves you (or seems like they don’t)? Where do all these problems come from and how to deal with them?
There are many ways to deal with the situation on your own. It’s enough just to believe in yourself, find new hobbies, get rid of high or too low self-esteem. The main thing is to understand the problem and believe in yourself. Then everything will work out!
First social environment
Most “adult” psychological problems are formed in childhood, including the level of self-esteem, complexes, the feeling of “unloving” and so on. In childhood, not only the psyche is laid, but also the foundations of relationships with other people, the perception of oneself and the world around us. So if a child is not given the opportunity to feel loved, then where will this feeling come from in adulthood? If the “magic jug of love” is not filled, difficulties, psychological problems and disorders arise.
Moreover, what is interesting is that we are not talking about dysfunctional families. Some adults “love” only for good grades, the absence of bad habits and problems with the law in adolescence. But love and education are completely different things. Whatever the child is, he must be loved, otherwise the parents themselves create a huge number of complexes that will haunt their grown daughter or son in adulthood.
What to do if no one loves you? If this feeling has been present since childhood, and does not just occur from time to time against the backdrop of a bad mood, an unsuccessful romance, or a quarrel with parents, then only a qualified psychologist will help you understand the problem. Convincing yourself in this case is completely pointless, scolding is completely harmful.
From lack of love to complexes
The child realizes his personality through the attitude of an adult. If an adult (father, mother, other relatives) loves, cares, and is interested in life and success, then the child himself begins to love himself and learns to appreciate his individuality. In the opposite situation, a child may doubt his “need” and carry the burden of doubt into adulthood. Attention deficit in childhood can lead to an inferiority complex, vulnerability, the habit of hiding in a shell, vulnerability, insufficient level of self-esteem, and self-doubt. The same thing is the root of problems in building relationships in adult life, both friendly and romantic relationships.
From lack of love to aggression
Violations in relationships with parents can cause a girl or young man to wonder what to do if no one loves you as an adult. There are two possible scenarios. Firstly, the situation can develop into complexes, and secondly, it can become the cause of dislike or even aggression towards others in adulthood.
A person who was “disliked” in childhood can increase his distance from other people in order to avoid the stress of separation, not to be deceived, and to maintain autonomy. So you can completely avoid entering into confidential communication, being content with short-term romances or casual intimate relationships. Another option is to shorten the distance. Intrusive attention can be a way to achieve support and love. There is also a risk here - the risk of dissolving in a relationship, which, as a rule, does not lead to anything good.
From lack of love to love
Even if you had problems in childhood, you can love yourself and the world around you at any age. It's time to take responsibility for your own life. This is much better than constantly repeating: “What to do if no one loves you?” You need to forget any excuses for yourself and decide for yourself exactly how to relate to both yourself and the world.
“Why doesn’t anyone love me?” The psychologist's answer can be very simple. For example, marriage specialist G. Chapman claims that one way or another, all parents love their children. The problem can only be that the child did not know how to read this attention, love and care.
Thus, psychologists identify five love languages. Some parents may rejoice at their child’s victories and say words of admiration, while the child himself was waiting for a heart-to-heart conversation. Or, for example, the father and mother spend a lot of time with the child, and the son or daughter is waiting for help in order to feel protected.
Reasons for "dislike"
I want happiness and love for everyone without exception. So the problem needs to be solved. In some cases, you can part with doubts on your own, in others, you will definitely need the help of a psychologist. Despite the fact that psychological problems begin in childhood, the main reasons (“Nobody loves me”) are quite easy to find out.
So, let's start listing the possible causes of the problem. Some people, trying to look funny, begin to irritate with their jokes. But you need to know when to stop. You shouldn’t go too far with your antics and jokes, otherwise the person may simply disappear from your life.
Another possible reason is the broadcast of negativity. Example: the usual question “How are you?” Many people say this phrase several times a day, sometimes several dozen times. Of course, people hope to hear something like “good”, “not bad”, “excellent” or any other positive response. But no one likes it when the interlocutor starts telling stories from everyday life. Conclusion: there is no need to once again “burden” others with your problems.
Usually they try to avoid those who look inaccessible. A stern look, an eternal office dress code, closedness to communication - all this does not in any way contribute to friendly relations with other people. They also don't like those who talk a lot, are a negative, obsessive person, play drama, or are arrogant.
Solution
How does a woman become loved? Everything is actually very simple. First you need to love yourself. It is better to deal with the problem slowly, consistently and consciously. Firstly, you need to adequately evaluate yourself, secondly, believe in your strengths, thirdly, you should get rid of fears, fourthly, learn to accept failures normally, fifthly, give up idealization. Now about all the stages in more detail.
Increased self-esteem
People around them love and respect those who move through life easily and are always charged with positivity, and do not delve into childhood grievances and complexes. To correct a situation with low self-esteem, you can, for example, work on your appearance. It’s worth thinking about how to fix everything that can be corrected and irritates you in order to finally learn to love yourself. Maybe you need to lose a couple of extra pounds or visit a solarium? A manicure session lifts your mood no worse than a delicious chocolate bar. You can also change your hairstyle, get a piercing or even a tattoo (possibly temporary). Cleaning, rearranging the house or making repairs also have a “therapeutic” effect.
How to be loved?
What if people try to avoid because of the princess's habits? In this case, what should you do if no one loves you? You need to remember that no one should or is obliged to be perfect in everything; you should also show respect for all people, take criticism calmly, and analyze your mistakes.
Self-confidence
You need to get out of your head the idea that nothing will work out. There are many life-affirming examples of those who, despite physical disabilities or constant bad luck, coped with the situation, pulled themselves together and achieved success.
Getting rid of fears
There is no need to be afraid that the situation will never change. The level of self-esteem can rise even after buying a new dress, so being sad that now something is not as you would like is, as a rule, pointless. Maybe you should not sigh about your hard life, but just think about how to improve the situation? You should not regret the absence of a partner, because many charming ladies live very rich lives even despite the fact that they have not built a family nest. Among them, for example, Coco Chanel or Charlize Theron.
The ability to perceive failures positively
What makes successful people different? As a rule, such individuals perceive all failures only in a positive way. After all, every mistake or unfortunate set of circumstances is only an opportunity to do the right thing next time. Many prominent personalities did just that. For example, the famous writer Stephen King went through as many as thirty publishing houses before he managed to publish the cult novel “Carrie,” and actress Faina Ranevskaya at the beginning of her career was kicked out of a theater near Moscow and called “complete mediocrity.”
In addition, it is very useful to abandon idealization. You can remember, for example, that practically none of the models have the ideal appearance and intelligence of a Nobel laureate. You can love someone simply here and now, as well as yourself. Self-development should bring pleasure, and being fixated on someone does not improve your mood and self-esteem at all. You just need to enjoy the most beautiful relationship in life, that is, an affair with yourself. Also, understand that other people can enjoy this novel too. You need to work on yourself, develop and communicate with other people with pleasure.
I am 14 years old. Every day I think about suicide. Why live at all if no one will support you anyway and no one will come to your aid. I have problems with my mother. She constantly scolds me because of my grades, a couple of times she even hit me with a ruler because I got a B. She doesn't care about me at all. I also have problems with weight and appearance. With a height of 160, I weigh 60. My appearance is simply disgusting. Very lush curly hair, brown eyes. I don’t understand who someone like me could fall in love with.
I have problems with my studies. Until grade 6, everything was fine. In 7th grade I started geometry and algebra, and I literally slipped almost to 3rd grade. I tried to learn these subjects, learned theorems, but to no avail.
Please help me. I really need help now. Thank you in advance
Support the site:
Single, age: 14 / 09/03/2018
Responses:
Hello!
Please don't think about death, you can cope with problems. Try to talk to your mother about your studies, maybe she can explain the incomprehensible material to you, most likely she is very worried about your grades. You can go up to your geometry teacher and ask her to explain it again, I think she won’t refuse you or her classmates. Your weight is normal for your height and age, by the way it is calculated using the formula height-100=weight (160-100=60) and this is the AVERAGE weight. It can be more or less, the main thing is that you feel comfortable. :)
Brown eyes are very cool, they look like amber or chocolate, depending on the color. What about curls? They always stand out from the crowd, and the hairstyle is always ready, no need to curl)
I wish you all the best
Marinade, age: 21 / 09/03/2018
Hello!
Never, you hear, never, think about death, and especially about hurting yourself.
If you have problems in your relationship with your mother, then find time free from studying and just talk, ask your mother how she studied in her youth, or what exactly she wants from you in terms of studying. At one time, when I was in school, I was an excellent student, but then, as they say, I got bored, my parents were only doctors for generations and believed that I should continue their work, but I categorically refused and said that it was not mine. But as soon as I finished school and entered the university, I realized that when people say thank you, just for a little thing you have done, an ordinary change of bed linen in your grandmother’s room, then some kind of delight appears in your soul. So, I am sure that you have a hobby or activity that is close to your liking, in my case it was playing the guitar, engage in this activity, plunge into it with all your head and combine it with your studies, believe all negative thoughts They will go away like the water is flushed and the faucet goes into the sink. Regarding your weight, your weight is normal, don’t listen to what your classmates tell you, closer to 16-18 you will become a wonderful person, now you are a precious stone that requires internal processing, not external, beauty will come in any case, me too he was not handsome, he was overweight, and so much so that he couldn’t stand for more than 15 minutes, but at night he went out into the yard and worked on his body (it’s better in the morning and afternoon in his free time), so don’t worry, everything will come, you just need to wait. You should have a psychologist at school, talk to him/her, she will listen to you and help you, talk to him/her.
Set a goal, and I’m sure that in the future you will want a good, decent life for yourself and your children, believe me, you will move mountains for the sake of your little one, but in order to ensure this life, now you should try to arrange your own, finish school, go to university, find a good job, fortunately now all doors are open to you, so go ahead and stick to your line, no matter what! I believe that you will succeed and you will be able to wipe the nose of all your envious people!
P.S Happy Knowledge Day, I wish you, first of all, patience and a clear mind, of course, good grades and endurance, a warm family hearth in the house. Believe, you will succeed!
You can always write here when you feel sad, people here will give you a boost of strength!
Alexander, age: 20 / 09/03/2018
Hello. You can study additionally, for example, using video lessons on the Internet; there are also now a lot of textbooks and literature that will help you figure out what’s what, stay after class and ask the teacher for help with an unclear topic. Mom loves you, that’s why she wants you to study well, she doesn’t give a damn at all. As for appearance, you can straighten your hair with an iron, or get keratin straightening at a hairdresser. Talk to your mom about what's best. If it doesn’t allow it yet, then you can simply braid your hair in a tight braid, for example, or choose other hairstyles that you like. Eye color can be easily corrected with the help of colored lenses, although I don’t see anything wrong with brown eyes, to be honest. There's nothing wrong with voluminous curly hair either. Many people, on the contrary, like exactly this hair and this eye color!
Cheer up! Enjoy the warm autumn, spend time in the fresh air, rollerblading, cycling is the best thing now. Good luck!
Irina, age: 30 / 09/04/2018
Hello! I really sympathize with you. Just don’t despair. If your mom scolds you because of your grades, it means that she’s worried about you. I think this is better than indifference. Did you explain that you were having trouble studying and asked for help? Maybe you should take extra classes? Don't be so upset about your studies, it's not the most important thing in our lives. I understand you, I didn’t like geometry and algebra either. But you should try your best to master these subjects in order to pass exams in the future. You can also try to hire a tutor. Try to understand your mother and not be offended by her, she only wants the best for you) Be more sincere and caring towards your mother, this will help improve everything) I don’t see anything bad in your appearance, on the contrary, it’s interesting. Try to change your attitude towards yourself. Start smiling at yourself in the mirror) If you are worried about your weight, then you can go in for sports, but in no case should you “go on” diets. If you were born, it means you already have a meaning in life) We are not given challenges beyond our strength. If you want , you can also write to a psychologist online) You’re good for trying to fight. http://realisti.ru/main/rodit
look here
And you can also ask the Lord for help) God created you as a wonderful person, He loves you very much and will never leave you) Ask Him for help more often and it will become easier for you) God is always with you) I wish you the meaning of life, more patience and strength, good relationships in the family, success in studies, good health, always a good mood, happiness, more love, joy and peace in life and all the best! Hold on, God will help you! Guardian Angel to you! Warm hugs, you are not alone !
Anastasia, age: 20 / 09/05/2018
Dear young girl! I don’t know what kind of person you are, what qualities you have, what predominates in you: “black” or “white”. BUT! I know one thing: any person, no matter what he is, has the right to love and his own dignity. This is important.
I think when you mentioned suicide, you probably wanted a new, different life after death. Very often, when problems and troubles pile up, you just want to take it and leave. Only you want to go to another new, most pleasant, beautiful life. A life in which everything will be fine, you will be the most beautiful and slender, you will have a lot of friends, excellent performance at school, complete mutual understanding in the family.
Let's think a little logically. Why should there be eternal peace and bliss after a voluntary departure from life? Why, after such an act, will they give you what you naturally desired? That is, now life is not a success, but after death you will get a lucky lottery ticket, and everything will be like in a fairy tale? I don't think it works that way.
If a problem occurs, then it needs to be solved, and not burrowed into the ground like an ostrich. A person, overcoming difficulties, strengthens his spirit.
You will probably tell me this: “Only a strong-willed person can overcome problems, but I am a weak, stupid girl, incapable of anything.” This can be seen even in your request for help. The worst thing is that you ascribed such qualities to yourself. That is, you convinced yourself that you are fat, ugly, and cannot understand mathematics. Maybe, deep down in your soul, you repeated: “I don’t understand anything, I don’t understand (and I can’t understand), mathematics is not for me, not for me, I will never comprehend. This is all self-hypnosis. Do you think I chatted and chatted and that’s it?! No! Here are the ways to solve your problem:
1) So you have problems with your studies? You can fix it like this:
a) If you have the Internet, you can find training videos on YouTube.
b) There is such a book: “Can you study well?!” Alexey Karpov. This book contains many teaching methods. There are other such books.
2) Regarding your appearance:
a) Do you have two seeing eyes? Do you have one nose? Do you have cheeks? Are there two heads or one? Are your legs and arms functional?
b) In your address, you mentioned that you have lush curly hair and brown eyes. Is this bad or somehow abnormal? Who said that it is ugly? If a monkey has learned to speak, this does not mean that it is telling the truth.
c) About your weight and height. 160 cm and 60 kg is considered the normal weight of a 20-year-old girl. Again, probably, some monkey classmates are making fun of them. They have nothing to do, so they rub all sorts of nonsense into you, and you listen.
3) About your problems with your mother:
a) I don’t think she doesn’t care about you. If she didn’t care about you, she wouldn’t react to your life at all. She wouldn’t pay attention to your grades.
b) There are simply some parents who believe that a child’s academic performance lies only in his grades. I am convinced that they are mistaken.
c) Apparently your mother is an impulsive woman. I think you need to talk constructively with your mother. She will understand you. After all, she was once a teenager too.
So, as they say in one meme: “Get comfortable, drink some tea.”
Martin, age: 17 / 09/05/2018
Good afternoon. Why do you think people are loved for their appearance? And how does your appearance relate to the fact that no one needs you and no one will help you?
The fact that your mother scolds you is an indicator that she doesn’t care. Usually, when people don't care about others, they don't react to them in any way. And if she scolds you, it means she doesn’t give a damn anymore.
I think that you have certain expectations from your mother that you did not voice to her, but you continue to expect them from her. You should think about what you expect from your mother and why exactly this. And also talk about your expectations from her. You want special love from her, as you imagine it, but your mother may not know this - she is not a seer and does not read your thoughts.
Many people have difficulties with their studies; I also had problems with mathematics at school. Maybe you should ask your classmates or teacher for help. You can’t just not understand everything, you don’t understand something specific, you need to determine what exactly you don’t understand and then think about what needs to be done to understand and figure it out. Maybe you can read additionally somewhere, maybe you can contact your classmates or friends or a teacher somewhere, you can write somewhere on a forum and probably a person will respond, maybe even your age, who will be ready to help you.
Don't panic. Your difficulties are solvable and you are able to cope with it. I'm sure of this without seeing you.
Marina A., age: 32 / 09/06/2018
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A complete collection of materials on the topic: what to do if no one loves you? from experts in their field.
“It seems to me that no one loves me. I have no real friends, my parents only reproach and point out mistakes. And I really want simple human understanding, warmth, attention!”
“I’m tired of giving my love to others, and in return getting a knife in the back. They take advantage of me, wipe my feet, ignore me. Nobody loves Me. I always think, why is this? Why do some people bask in love and attention, while others are kicked through life like ugly ducklings?”
The thirst for love is a completely understandable need. From the first days of life to the last breath, a person needs a kind word, care, and understanding. Without this, it will become stale and wither. Even flowers that are cared for without proper warmth will wither faster. But why does no one love some people, while others literally bathe in care and attention? And most importantly, what do you need to do to start loving you?
What is the reason?
If no one loves a person, then in 90% of cases it is his fault. Especially when it comes to others, and not parents. Only the father and mother love the child just like that, for its mere existence.
This is inherent in nature. Moreover, parental instincts are sometimes so strong that the “child” is looked after and cherished until old age. They don’t care what kind of son or daughter a person is, their love is unconditional. They can justify anything - deception, frivolity, drunkenness. Even murder. This is the kind of unconditional love each of us seeks.
Unfortunately, society is not capable of loving “just like that.” They lack that same parental instinct that gives them the magical property of not paying attention to a person’s actions and behavior.
Even parents don't always love their children. For example, such an instinct is erased in drunkards, drug addicts, and people who grew up or are now in difficult living conditions.
Therefore, if no one loves a person, then, first of all, you need to look for the reason in yourself. People can be put off by excessive arrogance, rudeness, constant whining, talkativeness, conflict and much more. Moreover, the opinion from the outside is sometimes radically different from one’s own ideas.
What turns people off?
If no one loves you, then the first thing you need to think about is: “What am I doing wrong?” We often justify our negative behavior by saying that we acted with the best intentions. However, from the outside they evaluate not thoughts, but actions.
For example, if you, a guy in the prime of your life, did not give up your seat to an old woman on public transport due to poor health, then they will still make far from flattering conclusions about you.
In addition, others may dislike you for your manner of communication. The following behavior is particularly repulsive:
- Constant whining. Nobody likes to listen to other people's complaints. And if they listen to you and sympathize with you a couple of times, then on the fourth they will start to shun you. Agree, it is much more pleasant to communicate with a positive and self-sufficient interlocutor than with a crybaby and whiner.
- Closedness. Often people shy away from silent people. It is not known what to expect from them, and it is not clear what to talk to them about. In addition, silent people often seem overly arrogant. One gets the impression that they consider it beneath their dignity to communicate with “ordinary” people.
- Rudeness, rudeness. Hot-tempered, conflict-prone people will never become the “soul” of the company. How can you love a person if he constantly finds fault and does not react quite adequately to your words or actions? This also includes “truth lovers” who are ready to throw ugly facts right in the face. The sense of tact is simply unknown to them.
- Love of gossip. All reasonable people shun gossipers. After all, if he discusses others with such pleasure, then he will spread gossip about you no less. It is difficult to trust such a person, let alone love him. Although, on the other hand, gossipers are very friendly with each other.
- Obsessiveness. Excessive attention is no less repulsive. Getting closer takes time and mutual interest. If this is not the case, then all attempts at friendship or love will be in vain.
- Lack of virtues. Society always values smart, kind, personally and professionally accomplished people. If a person is a slacker, a quitter and a drunkard, then the attitude towards him will be negative.
The first few years after I registered on VKontakte, I did not have such a problem. I had about 30 friends, and we talked almost every day, wrote a bunch of comments on each other’s photos, organized some kind of pranks, drew something on each other’s walls. Now I have 300 friends, and they write to me, but I wouldn’t say it’s 100 times more often :) They even write less, to be honest.
It seems that the motto of many in our time has become the phrase: “Don’t remind people about yourself. Those who need you will not forget about you.” At first I liked her: yes, that’s right, why humiliate yourself! And then I suddenly imagined... They won’t forget you, you won’t forget them, but if no one reminds you of themselves, then how will you know about it?! Conclusion: write first.
It is unlikely, but still possible, that your friends stopped communicating with you because of your short answers, inability to maintain an interesting conversation, rudeness, and obscene language. Look through your dialogues, maybe you will find the reason for this.
Or maybe it’s not about you, but about the fact that these people don’t write to anyone at all. I know that many people use pages on social networks solely for listening to music, watching videos, reading posts of some groups. By the way, it is in groups, in discussions, that you can find people who really crave communication.
And one more thing: think about why you need this? If you have friends, isn’t it better to spend time with them, meet them, go for a walk, call them, in the end? And if not... I honestly don’t believe that you can find a true friend through the Internet. In any case, it is much more difficult than live. Don't see his face, don't hear the intonation of his voice. Only letters on the screen.
True friends are found in unfamiliar places, in difficult situations, in adventures experienced together. They become friends unexpectedly, perhaps after seeming “strange” to each other at first. They enter each other's lives together with vivid impressions, shared experiences and victories. There is a saying: “Eat a pound of salt together.” To make real friends, in my opinion, communication alone is not enough; for this you need a common history.
Walk together on untrodden paths, helping each other. Eating from the same plate, sharing bread with each other. Warm up by the fire together, telling stories. Together admire the beauty of nature, hide from the rain, look for the right path. Adventures bring people together.
If you want to find real friends, miss live communication, love outdoor recreation, then come to a Christian summer camp!