When a lie can be a salvation.
On Earth, truth and lies have been walking side by side for a long time.
How do you understand the word “lie”?(Intentional distortion of the truth.)
– What words can be found that are similar in meaning? (Falsehood, lies, slander, deception, untruth, crookedness, falsification, deceit, fabrication, nonsense, falsehood, fake, canard...)
That's how many words people have come up with to describe this phenomenon.
Now name words that have opposite meanings (truth, truth). Like this: short and clear.
Please name the adjectives that you think are related , with the word "lie". What kind of lies are there?(explicit, shameless, outrageous, arrogant, fabricated, saving, sweet)….
What is the truth?(bitter, heavy, pure)
Now each desk will receive a statement from one of the famous people, read it and explain the meaning. How did you understand the words of famous people? Discuss in pairs which of you will speak.
1 The truth is always difficult to tell, a lie is always easy to listen to.
Suzanne Broan
2 People's ears are more mistrustful than their eyes. Herodotus
4 A lie will travel halfway around the world before the truth has time to put on its shoes.
English proverb
5 In wartime, truth is so precious that it must be guarded by guards of lies. Winston Churchill
6 Truth and lies are only reliable and distorted information, respectively, and both become good and evil in the process of use.
7 Lying to others only confuses the matter and delays the decision; but a lie to oneself, presented as the truth, ruins a person’s entire life. Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy
8 A lie, unlike the truth, has no boundaries.
9 Truth always looks for witnesses, lies - lawyers. Yana Dzhangirova
10 We deliberately buy lies because the truth is never on the counter. Gustav Vodicka
So, we come to the main problem of our conversation - why do people lie?
Sample answers:
1. To avoid humiliation
2. To avoid punishment, fear
3. To get your way
4. They don’t want to offend others.
5. To please
6. To avoid liability
7. Afraid to tell the truth
8. They want to avoid unpleasant situations
9. To save another person
-Do you like being deceived?
(Students' answers)
The lie will usually be known anyway and will cause big trouble).
Does this mean that you should always tell the truth? Is it possible to always tell the truth?
(Students' answers)
We discussed the topic of “lying” in its different understandings and came to the conclusion that it is very difficult to be able to tell the truth. There are times when it is easier to lie.
- What do you think, is there such a thing as a white lie? How should I treat her?
In what cases can lying be justified?
(children's answers)
For example, in Germany, doctors tell patients the whole truth, telling cancer patients about the severity of their condition, don’t you think that by doing this they only kill their desire to resist and fight for their lives?
(children's answers)
Is it possible and necessary to lie in the name of some high goals, in the name of love and the desire not to hurt a person? Is the lie justified? Do we always need the truth? Are we ready for it, do we want to hear it? It's not so easy to answer all these questions...
The truth can also be told in different ways. You can stun with it, kill, humiliate... Or you can tell the truth, and this will inspire a person.
One day, young Thomas Edison returned home from school and gave his mother a letter from his teacher. The mother read the letter out loud to her son, with tears in her eyes: “Your son is a genius. This school is too small, and there are no teachers here who can teach him anything. Please teach him yourself.”
Many years after his mother's death (Edison by that time was already one of the greatest inventors of the century), he was once looking through old family archives and came across this letter. He opened it and read: “Your son is mentally retarded. We can no longer teach him at school with everyone else. Therefore, we recommend that you teach him yourself at home.”
Edison cried for several hours. Then he wrote in his diary: “Thomas Alva Edison was a mentally retarded child. Thanks to his heroic mother, he became one of the greatest geniuses of his century.
What could have happened if Mom had told the truth or even punished him?
If you don't believe in white lies, consider the fact that they have helped save many lives during difficult times. Deception made it possible to hide innocent people during times of war. It was used by prisoners during interrogations to save the lives of other people. Thanks to him, those who were at least somehow involved in political affairs were able to survive during the times of repression.
Conclusion:
It is very important to understand that white lies are only possible in critical situations. This concept cannot be used to cover up minor deceptions. A saving lie is appropriate when it does not harm, but protects.
Nothing hurts the soul like a lie
One thing in the eye, in reality - a knife in the back:
For good, they say, if there are reasons for it.
You will survive, not early wrinkles.
The awl won’t come out of the bag,
It will hurt you just like that, on the sly.
0 - 5 points. Very low on the Honesty scale. Indicates a pronounced tendency to lie and embellish oneself. It may also indicate low levels of social intelligence. If this questionnaire was used as part of a battery of methods, then the results of the personality questionnaires should be considered unreliable.6 - 13 points. Low score on the Honesty scale. Indicates a significant tendency to lie. Likes to embellish himself and his behavior. If the questionnaire was used as part of a battery of methods, then the results of personality questionnaires should not necessarily be considered unreliable. However, their results should be taken quite critically.
14 - 29 points. Normal result. No tendency to lie has been identified. Perhaps he is occasionally inclined to embellish himself and his behavior, but within the normal limits.
30 - 34 points. High score on the Honesty scale. Such a high result may be associated not only with high personal integrity, but also as a consequence of other reasons: deliberate distortion of answers, very incorrect self-esteem. This result should be taken with caution.
Test: Test for honesty and deceit.
Please read the following statements carefully. Depending on whether you agree or disagree with the statement, write “yes” or “no” on the answer sheet. Don't think too long about the answer. As a rule, the first answer that comes to mind is the correct one.
Tasks
1. It happens that I laugh at an indecent joke.
2. If they address me politely, then I always answer politely.
3. I have financial difficulties.
4. I'm always pleased when a person I don't like achieves well-deserved success.
5. I used to put off what needed to be done immediately.
6. In a company I behave differently than at home.
7. I am completely free from any prejudices.
8. I don't always tell the truth.
9. When I play with someone, I always want to win.
10. Sometimes I get angry.
11. In my defense, I sometimes made up things.
12. It happens that I lose my temper.
13. As a child, I immediately and without arguing did everything that was required of me.
14. Sometimes I get irritated by something.
15. It happens that I react to an indecent joke with laughter.
16. Sometimes I was late for the appointed time.
17. I like to gossip sometimes.
18. Among those I know, there are people that I really don’t like.
19. I don’t remember being particularly saddened by the failures of a person whom I cannot tolerate.
20. I have happened to be late.
21. I tend to brag sometimes.
22. Sometimes there is no desire to do anything.
23. I sometimes have thoughts that I’m ashamed to tell others about.
24. Sometimes I was the reason for the bad mood of someone around me.
25. It happened that I told lies.
26. All my habits are positive.
27. If I promised something, I always keep my word no matter what.
28. Sometimes I can brag.
29. As a teenager, I showed interest in taboo topics.
30. I sometimes put off until tomorrow what needs to be done today.
31. I have thoughts that I should be ashamed of.
32. I sometimes argue about things about which I know too little.
33. I don’t love all my friends.
34. I can say bad things about someone.
Processing the results
It is necessary to count the number of “yes” answers to the questions:
1, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34
and the number of “no” answers to the questions:
2, 4, 7, 13, 26, 27.
Have you ever wondered what a lie is? Psychologists consider it a technique that allows you to achieve a change in circumstances in the desired direction.
About the same time as walking. By screaming, crying, attracting the mother's attention with whims, pretending to be hungry or sick, the child learns to deceive. And then whether a person will be honest or deceitful depends on how successful his attempts to manipulate others will be.
If you think that you cannot do without lies, you are deceiving yourself. A friend asks if you like her new dress. Is it really worth telling the truth that the new thing looks terrible? Or there are tragic cases when relatives and doctors hide a terrible diagnosis from the patient until the last moment, so as not to take away hope.
All of this can be categorized one way or another. This is where the negligent husband tries to put his constant versions covering up infidelity, saying that with the help of lies he “protects the peace of the family.” In fact, a lie turns relationships between close people into a very dangerous scenario: the lie grows like a snowball, in the center of which some serious problem is hidden, but, alas, getting to it through the intricacies of lies is not easy!
Do not lie!
If your relationship with loved ones is losing trust and warmth, so we offer several steps to get out of this quagmire as quickly as possible.
Ask yourself: what terrible thing will happen if you admit the truth? Will your loved ones turn their backs on you? Will there be a scandal? Or maybe just a long and difficult, but long-awaited conversation, after which your soul somehow becomes lighter?
Take a sheet of paper and on the right side, in a column, write down all the consequences that await you if your deception is revealed. And on the left - all the advantages that deception now gives you. Compare them. And isn’t it obvious to you yet that the consequences of lying are much more serious than the benefits?!
In some cases, when you lack the willpower and confidence to do so, use not a lie, but a subterfuge: you may not hear a difficult question, you can ask again 2-3 times, you can laugh it off! And the best and non-personally destructive way is to simply refuse to answer the question, the answer to which would entail the need to lie.
Do not strive to be good to everyone at the same time - after all, it is the need for recognition that provokes a person to lie.
And remember: a person who uses lies as a means of avoiding conflict situations or attracting success is not only very vulnerable...
The lie makes him fall into an abyss of loneliness that has no bottom.
Let's face it in all honesty: paternity does not exist. At least in the legal field there is no paternity. The presumption of mistrust in the father and the presumption of trust in the mother are equally legalized. Fathers have no rights at all...
Why don't Russian laws protect paternity?
Let's face it in all honesty: paternity does not exist. At least in the legal field there is no paternity. The presumption of mistrust in the father and the presumption of trust in the mother are equally legalized.
Fathers have no rights
.
At best they have responsibilities, at worst they have disadvantages. The father's territory is the territory of guilt, eternal and irredeemable.
Why don't Russian laws protect paternity?
In the spring of 2008, I took part in the development of a bill dedicated to supporting fatherhood in Russia.
At the invitation of the author of the project"Daddy's Day" Sergei Kryachkov, head of the department of social protection of the population of Moscow Vladimir Petrosyan, deputy of the Moscow City Duma, chairman of the cultural commission Evgeniy Gerasimov, I served as a scientific consultant.
On May 26, at a meeting of the Moscow City Duma Commission on Culture and Mass Communications, the issue “On the celebration of “Father’s Day in the city of Moscow” was discussed. On the relevance of developing the law “On Support of Fatherhood”, and on May 31 an unusual holiday was held on Poklonnaya Hill -"Daddy's Day" , organized by the city’s Department of Social Protection.
Media reaction was mixed; A few days after the commission meeting, one could find everything in the newspapers - from reptilian delight to caustic and not very appropriate criticism. Almost every publication that responded to the event quoted my speech in the Duma, without particularly delving into its meaning. The attitude towards the problem of paternity still remains infantile, for example, MK limited itself to the girlish “hee-hee-hee”, releasing with the characteristic title “In the Moscow City Duma, women were recognized as evil. Father’s day will be the beginning of the end of the humiliation of Russian fathers.”
(An almost comprehensive picture of the media reaction can be seen by typing “Daddy’s Day” or “Kirill Zhuravlev” in the “news” section of Yandex).
The following text is an attempt to talk rather briefly about the body of problems hiding behind the sign today"paternity problem" , identify key issues and reference points. I did not set myself the task of outlining ways to solve the problem; in the language of nosology, I just collected an anamnesis and built a clinical picture.
1. Single-parent families and paternal deprivation
More and more children are being raised in single-parent families. The authors of studies in the field of developmental psychology and child psychology unanimously say that paternal deprivation is fraught with serious consequences for the formation of a child’s personality, especially for its socialization. The harmful consequences that result from the (often intentional) isolation of a child from his father are, in most cases, irreversible, if only due to the total feminization of educational practices. Outside the family, children are raised exclusively by women - in kindergarten, at school, in other children's institutions, so depriving a child of everything that his own father can give him is, as a rule, decisivenothing to compensate .
Erich Fromm was a thousand times right when he explained the difference between maternal and paternal love in his book “The Art of Love.”A mother's love is unconditional : a child almost never runs the risk of being denied another portion of warmth and affection.A father's love is conditional . Before meeting the demands of the human community, the child is faced with the demands of his father, and if they are not fulfilled, he may lose a significant part of his care and attention. The father, to a large extent, is a figure who replaces society in the early childhood of the child.Father's Morals , expressed in an ultimatum form (disobedience inevitably follows punishment), are gradually internalized by the child -become his demands on himself . And then, when the father is not around, relationships with society are built on the model of relationships with the father - as a result, the behavior of an adult is socially oriented; he is ready to sacrifice his personal interests for the sake of values that exceed the value of his own life. When the script is preserved, the actors change - there is an exteriorization of what was learned and absorbed in childhood.
The absence of a father is associated with an inevitable disruption in the process of raising and socializing a child. Psychologist Henri Biller, examining the fate of boys who did not receive a father's upbringing, notes their lack of self-confidence, difficulties in determining moral values, and a high likelihood of suicidal behavior, drug addiction and crime. He is echoed by I.S. Cohn, arguing that children (both boys and girls) growing up without a father often have a lower level of aspirations; they, especially boys, have a higher level of anxiety and neurotic symptoms are more common; boys in single-parent families have difficulty communicating both with peers and with elders; the absence of a man in the family negatively affects both the academic performance and self-esteem of children - again, especially boys; they learn male roles and the corresponding style of behavior worse, and therefore exaggerate and hypertrophy their masculinity (rudeness, pugnacity, etc.). These children are many times more likely to engage in deviant behavior.
A number of studies conducted in recent years have demonstrated that, contrary to popular belief,the presence of the father plays an extremely important role even at the earliest stages of child development, i.e. up to three years of age. One example is a sensational study undertaken by a group of scientists from the University of North Carolina. In the course of close observation of hundreds of babies, it turned out thatA child’s speech development depends primarily on the father , although it would seem that mothers communicate much more with their children.
The experiment involved families with children aged about 2 years. Scientists tested the linguistic abilities of parents (lexicon, features of syntax, idiolect, etc.), and a year later they tested the children. It was found that eloquent father-speakers also had children who were fluent in language. If the father “drank water from Hippocrene,” then the child, most likely, will be distinguished by the beauty and richness of speech. And on the contrary,The more primitive the father speaks, the poorer his child’s speech ...
But the linguistic abilities of mothersplay almost no role . How can we explain this? Doctor of Medicine M. Hunter and his colleagues from the University of Sheffield (England) came to the conclusion that the human brain (and in particular the child’s brain) recognizes the speech of men more easily than women. “Women tend to use prosody, or a natural ‘melody’ of speech, which makes their speech more difficult to understand,” says the scientist. “The female voice has a more complex range of sound frequencies and requires more brain activity in the process of speech recognition.”
It is quite possible that other explanations are acceptable, but the fact remains... Many psycholinguistic studies devoted to the problem of language acquisition also talk about the significant role of the father in this process.
It will not be an exaggeration to say that almost every pathology of society: violence and crime, drug addiction and alcoholism, unwanted pregnancies, suicidal behavior - is largely initiatedfatherlessness than any other factor. Fatherlessness is one of the most serious problems of our time. The essence of this problem is not that fathers leave their family and children, but, first of all, that many of them, who love their children,don't give the opportunity to be fathers .
2. Increased independence of women, the number of divorces and the legitimation of single-parent families
The unconditional value of the traditional, nuclear family has been shaken. In this regard, as studies conducted in European countries and Russia show, an increasing number of women - future mothers - are ready to raise their child without a husband and father. Moreover, the number of respondents who believe that “for the upbringing and development of a child there is no need for both parents, and a woman’s natural desire to have children does not necessarily have to be associated with starting a family” is steadily growing. Thus, there is a process of legitimation of single-parent families, which, like the increase in the number of divorces, is one of the consequenceswomen's emancipation .
Most divorces are the result of a unilateral decision, andIt is women who initiate up to 80% of marital dissolutions . Prominent Russian psychologist E.P. Ilyin, in his book “Differential Psychophysiology of Men and Women,” notes that according to research in Russia, women initiate about 75% of divorces, and, oddly enough, the process of adaptation after divorce is much easier for women than for men. In the overwhelming majority of cases, children remain with women, but this circumstance rarely prevents remarriage. In 60-70% of cases, mothers, taking advantage of their privileged position, do their best to prevent their ex-husband from contacting their own child.
3. Feminocentrism of family and demographic policy
There are government programs aimed at creating maximum comfort for mothers, public organizations and movements that protect the rights of mothers and children, etc. Article 38 of the Constitution of the Russian Federation is devoted to motherhood and childhood, butthere is not a word about paternity in it - the double standard is fixed even in the main law of the country. Thanks to the light hand of one of the Russian politicians, the phrase “maternity capital” has gained popularity.
Despite the obvious significance of the problem of paternity, despite the fact that in raising children the historically established role of the father is at least no less important than the role of the mother, for many years this issue has traditionallyis kept silent . Exclusively women's and maternal problems are placed at the forefront of all measures and recommendations in the field of family and demographic policy. The problems of men and fathers are not taken into account at all within the framework of family policy, and if this happens, it is only in the context of the fight against alcoholism, violence and a number of other vices. In fact, a sign of identity is paradoxically placed between the concepts of “motherhood” and “childhood”.
Butfatherhood is no less worthy and important than motherhood , and therefore deserves every encouragement. The future of our country depends on encouraging and supporting fatherhood. Shouldn't the rights of fathers and mothers in receiving support from the state be equal? And also establish benefits for men with children when hiring, when determining vacation time, providing medical services, etc.
Fathers' frequent lack of preparation is also the result of flawed family policies. Even in full-fledged families, the presence of both a father and a mother often remains only nominal in cases of insufficient participation of young fathers in raising a child, and their shallow awareness of their paternal role. The average age of a new father in Russia does not even reach 25 years, that is, in fact, for many, the transition to independent life coincides with the birth of their own children. Future dads need information; they do not have the proper skills to handle a child. The thesis that the art of fatherhood can and should be taught cannot raise even the slightest doubt, however, at the highest level of determining the directions of family policy in Russia, there are completely no initiatives aimed at training and educating future fathers.
4. Victims of legalized kidnapping: fathers and children after divorce
Paradoxically, in Russia, and in many other countries, kidnapping is indeed legal, but only if it is carried outwith female hands . In most civilized countries of the world, there is a double standard: in divorce, only the rights of the mother are taken into account to the detriment of the rights of the father;The interests of the child do not play any role . What to do -ladies first ... Alas, we are accustomed to giving in to women even if the gesture of gentlemanly causes obvious harm to our children... Divorced fathers, demanding protection of their parental rights, organized a demonstration on the streets of London. In Scotland, offended popes picketed the Houses of Parliament. In the United States, more than a million children annually become victims of divorce, usually initiated by their mothers. It was in this country that an untold number of fathers were forcibly separated from their children. Outraged politicians and public figures are forced to remain silent due to the corresponding political climate - anti-human, but protecting women's rightsto the detriment of the interests of children .
Innocent men and their children are separated from each other. So-called “restraint orders”, separating fathers from their children for months, years, or even for life, are issuedwithout any evidence or basis . They are issued at a hearing where the father is not present or even aware of them, or by fax and without any hearing at all. Fathers who receive such an order must immediately cease all attempts to communicate with their own children.
Why should parents who are not accused of any crimes give up the right to raise their children to anyone? The situation after a divorce, in which the mother seeks to limit contact between the father and child, looks like a requirement for an impeccable parent to finance the theft of his own child.Financial blackmail of the father for the right to communicate with their children has become completely commonplace.
Now trendy, domestic violence charges are commonly used as an effective weapon to gain advantages in child custody - restraining orders are handed out like candy. Restraining orders are provided to virtually all women who request them, evidence is providedunnecessary . In all cases, no attention is paid to either the necessary proceedings or the seriousness of the evidence - Massachusetts judges alone issue up to60,000 orders every year . Only in recent years has the situation in the United States begun to gradually change...
Unfortunately, judicial practice in Russia assigns women the right of exclusive ownership of their children and reduces the role of the father solely to the payment of alimony. And this despite the fact that both previous and current family legislation establishesabsolutely equal rights and responsibilities father and mother in relation to their children. According to the law, father and motherequal in your rights to your child. However thisequality exists only on paper . According to various sources, from 95 to 97% of children after a divorce are automatically transferred to their mother, while in the West this percentage is 85-90%, and 10-15% of children remain under joint custody...
In the USSR, there was a recommendation from the Supreme Court for lower courts on the preference for transferring children into the custody of their mother after a divorce. A monstrous document that tramples the laws and the Constitution, created by those who are called upon to defend the laws and the Constitution! The final recommendation suggests that judges determine a worthy parent by taking into accountinterests of the child . But in practice, almost nothing has changed over the years.
Is maternal right always “sacred”? What should a father do if his ex-wife is categorically against his contact with his child? Sue? In the best case, he will have the legal opportunity to see the child for a couple of hours a week, and the rest of the time, 24 hours a day, the mother and her entourage will pit the child against the father. “Allow the father to visit his son once every two weeks for two hours in the presence of the mother”... Where should these short visits be held? In the house of your ex-wife, breathing a feeling of hostility? On the street? In a restaurant? At school? It would be nice to do it at home, but the mother objects to the child’s visiting his father.
It is also possible: the time and place have been appointed, but the child, according to the mother, “fell ill” or “is very busy with homework,” “doesn’t want to see you,” “communication with you has a bad effect on him.” The father refuses to go to court for fear of ruining his relationship with his ex-wife, who has the sole right to take the child away from him forever. And day after day the child grows up without a father.
“There is no legal basis for limiting maternal rights,” the judges will say. However, there are also no legal grounds for limiting the rights of the father, but this fact is not taken into account by the established judicial practice: the presumption of mistrust in the father, along with the presumption of trust in the mother, operates by default in all cases. And while this is the case, thousands, millions of women are given the legal opportunity to brazenly and with absolute impunity commit one of the most heinous crimes known to mankind:rob fathers of their children , and to separate helpless children without the right to vote from their fathers...
5. “Stolen” right to paternity. Bitter truth or white lie?
It is traditionally believed that all children born in marriage are the children of the husband. However, along with the discovery of DNA, a whole body of completely new problems in the field of medical ethics arose. Just a few years ago, if the alleged father turned to doctors to establish his paternity “just out of curiosity,” this information, as a rule, was not provided to him. The reason is that the default setting was to prevent the unsuspecting father from accidentally discovering the deception, and unfaithful women and mothers were thusamnestied in advance . The man was doomed to remain in the dark: is he raising his own child?
The article "In utero paternity testing using deoxyribonucleic acid," published in 1996 by the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, found that in postpartum testing37% of alleged fathers were not the children's biological fathers . There were 753 postpartum paternity tests performed, and almost every mother was open to the possibility thatpaternity of newborn is ambiguous . In some countries, DNA tests are widely available, similar to pregnancy tests: any father can purchase a tester and get tested. The massive data is staggering: for example, in the United States (2002), approximately 300,000 DNA paternity tests were carried out; it turned out thatevery third child , that is, a little more than 30% of children are not the natural children of their official fathers. It was the effect of an exploding bomb.
What about in Russia? There have been no large-scale studies, but there is no reason to believe that this is not the case in our country: the collapse of cultural identity that occurred in the 90s suggests, among other things,total regression from couple marriage to promiscuity, actively promoted by many modern media.
Is it fair for a man to be required to pay for the lives of biologically alien children if this reduces the resources for his own children? What should an unfortunate person do, in his declining years, who discovers that all his life he has been raising children conceived by his better half from other partners? That the right to be a father was, simply put, stolen from him? And what conceivable punishment could be adequate for such a crime?!
6. Men are deprived of the right to reproductive choice.
Parenthood is a matter of conscious, responsible choice; it should under no circumstances be forced. However, the opportunities for men and women here are clearly unequal, and this heterotopia is dictated by nature itself.
If a woman wants to be a mother, she can personally decide to get pregnant and continue the pregnancy without notifying her partner, she can give birth to a child without informing his father, and even in this case she has a chance to force the man to pay alimony, i.e.finance her personal choice . It is no secret that pregnancy is often achieved through deception, especially if the partner is influential and wealthy.
If a woman, on the contrary, does not want to be a mother, she has the right to an abortion, she may well terminate the pregnancy, simulating a miscarriage (not a single doctor will reveal the secret to her partner), or abandon the child immediately after childbirth, transferring it for adoption to a third persons. She has the sole power to decide for an unborn child whether he should live or not, and for a man -should he be a father? .
A man is completely deprived of reproductive choice; he has only slightly more opportunities to influence the situation than an embryo, but definitely less than a newborn...
Well, let's get started. To my greatest regret, I cannot indicate my real name and surname, because I will pay very much for this, but I can no longer remain silent. I am not old enough to judge the behavior of men and women, but one thing I know for sure is that what is happening to me is disgusting and wrong. I am 22 years old, I was born in Russia. And what I will write and tell now is the absolute truth. I don’t want to start my story, or maybe a story (I just don’t know how far it will go), with a description of my childhood. Although, you can do the same with him, because it’s not without reason that psychologists say that all our problems come from childhood.
I was born in Russia, in a tiny town with a population of maximum 300 thousand. shower. The town was cozy and very cute, I adored it. Since childhood, my family has not been entirely complete. I had a grandmother, mother, grandfather, and my father came to me once a month, brought another soft toy, then locked himself in the room with my mother, and then left again. You will probably think that he is a polar explorer or a sea captain??? No, unfortunately, my dad lived with two families. He and my mother are 10 years apart, so they gave birth to me at 27, my dad was 38 at that time and he already had two charming daughters growing up from the woman he was married to. In general, la-la, fa-fa, after seven years of my existence on this mortal planet, dad gets a divorce, proposes to mom and, oh, miracle!, I become a legitimate child. Class!!! Cool!!!
Oh yes, I forgot to say that we left our wonderful town in Russia and moved to live with our father in Ukraine. My, in huge quotation marks, happiness knew no bounds. Some huge dusty city, with incomprehensible speech, with a bunch of cars, absolutely incomprehensible to me, and later hated by me. Well, okay, to hell with it, I was only seven years old then, but my problems began already then. I stopped loving my parents... Little by little, not right away of course... But every year I became more and more disappointed in them and in our relationship with them... Then my sister was born, then high school, my first love, which lasted like hell knows how long...I was very lonely in this big and noisy city, always, all my life I was lonely and absolutely not accepted.
I missed my grandparents, our yard, and my friends. I really wanted to go back. But to hell with butter, not fulfillment of desires. So this is what I'm getting at. At the age of 13 I discovered the Internet. God, for me it was something bordering on fantasy. Heaps of films, chats, communication, even pictures with naked men... All this attracted me... As a very inquisitive girl, I studied English from the age of five, so by the age of 13 I could express myself quite fluently and even won at some kind of Olympics at school. I hope you understand where I'm going with this. Internet, English, loneliness and curiosity.... This is how I discovered the world of foreigners.
Lying is considered a sin and belongs to the seven mortals. From childhood we are taught that lying is bad. Therefore, we want to surround ourselves with sincere people, believing in their honesty. Often, faith in people does not allow us to see their duplicity, forcing us to take words at face value.
Lying destroys relationships, the process takes a long time and most of it goes unnoticed. Once the deception is revealed, nothing can be changed. The consequences of deception are in most cases irreversible. But what to do in a situation where the truth will only cause more harm?
Popular wisdom, which says that even the most bitter truth is many times better than a lie, is right in some ways. In fact, the truth makes a person feel negative. There are many reasons for this:
- he realizes that he was deceived;
- the decision was made without his participation;
- the true state of affairs looks disappointing;
- feeling of betrayal from loved ones;
- awareness that the person is not trusted or is considered unable to solve the problem.
There may be several reasons for grief from realizing the truth, but this does not change the general state of affairs: the person was deceived and now he does not know who to believe.
The worst consequence of lying is loss of trust. Having lied once, a person can repeat the action, or never make such a mistake again. True, the one who was lied to will no longer be able to fully trust the other.
From this point of view alone, there is no saving lie. Deception itself has destructive power. A person himself will have to decide to tell the truth to another or to hide it. When making a decision, you need to remember the possible consequences and prepare for them. After all, the time will come when both the liar and the deceived person will have to face the truth.
The most common reason for white lies is the desire to protect a loved one from pain and suffering. A noble motive requires completely ignoble actions. But lies have the ability to accumulate: one deception pulls behind it a whole series of fictitious stories that should cover up the source of the lie.
There are no rules by which one can distinguish between lying for the purpose of protection and ordinary deception. There is no excuse for lying, it can only be explained. A person who hides the truth is always considered a liar. Keeping these immutable truths in mind, a person may still decide to lie to a loved one. The desire to protect a loved one is so great that it does not allow one to think rationally. The sacrifice made in this way is worth the fact that the loved one will not feel the pain of the real state of affairs.
When protecting another person through lies, it is necessary to remember that the burden of truth will fall entirely on the shoulders of the one who lied. He will have to endure the pain on his own, carefully hiding it inside himself. Often such moral turmoil can destroy a relationship even before the truth is revealed.
And again the question arises: who does a lie save, if at all? Unfortunately, you will have to find the answer yourself, taking into account the individuality of the situation.
