In life, we sometimes come into contact with people whom we see for the first time. If we are interested in the interlocutor, we want to know more about him, we want to structure the conversation in such a way as to also interest him. For business, information is money. And the more information you have, the less uncertainty, the easier it is to reach your goal.
How to get information from and about your opponent?

I offer some observations, methods that people most often use in business to promote their opponents for information.
These methods are not always honest; sometimes it is a conscious manipulation, sometimes an unconscious one. I am a proponent of a win-win situation.
But, you see, it is better to know the ways to be armed and not give away any secret information when someone uses them.
Or understand what kind of weapon you own and use it for its intended purpose and in the right situations.

This article is for those who want to know how and in what ways people influence each other in order to obtain the desired information.

Ways to promote information

1. Pass off a variant of a possible action, an opponent’s decision as valid

using affirmative phrases “ I know», « You surely... (you do this, such and such a person, feel this way...)"
And carefully record your opponent’s reaction.

The more incorrect the option, especially the assumption about the interlocutor’s feelings (talking about feelings unconsciously turns off part or all of logic), the more frank his reaction.

Sometimes several options for solutions are given on behalf of the interlocutor, although he did not voice them. Information is obtained by comparing reactions to both situations.
List the problems that most likely exist.“Surely...” And ask your opponent what is interesting from the list and what is not important? Ask an alternative question: either this or that is interesting?
Even if a person doesn’t guess correctly, the opponent is more likely to reveal himself when he is credited with something that is not what he is.
Say what are the reasons for refusal. But at the same time make a challenge: “If I say that all this does not apply to us and prove it, will you sign?”

2. Start a topic with your interlocutor that is indirectly related to the topic of interest.

Moving from a safe, related topic to a relevant one is easier to do, and information can often be obtained by listening to the opponent's beliefs.

For example, someone wants to know about a person's problem, starts a conversation about what causes it.
Do you want to know human diseases? They start talking about food, smoking, stress...
Want to know about a competitor's prices? They start talking about the high cost of supplies, the labor market...
Start a conversation about competitors. About their clients, about their prices... About the differences and advantages of the opponent with them. About the market situation in this segment.
Sometimes described a similar situation that allegedly or actually happened to him with his opponent’s competitor.
Bring up the topic of personnel in conversation. It is always relevant for the manager, just like sales. Start talking about what's new in these matters. Often the opponent himself begins to talk about plans.
Talking about dreams, drawing the desired image. Often managers easily talk about plans that are in dreams, i.e. ideal, not real. But if you listen carefully and encourage conversation, the person himself moves on to real plans and possibilities.

3. Find common ground with your interlocutor.

“I know that...” “I also had a similar experience...” “I came across...” “I’m from the same area, so I know what problems there are...” “I talked to everyone like you, and they have...”
It is clear that experiences bring us closer together, give us more understanding and trust. And information is given to those who are safe and trusted.
Link to authority.
Sometimes it’s easier to do what someone else has already done before you. And if it was authority...

4. Put the interlocutor into an emotional state.

This can be done through an emotional topic or a “different level” topic of communication.
An emotional topic is a topic that “transfers”, “switches” a person to the sphere of “emotions”. And both pleasant and unpleasant. If you make your opponent scream and start asking the right questions, he can answer, because control over logic is sharply reduced.
Emotional topics are topics that may concern your interlocutor. Money, prestige, his status, driving on the roads and car brands, extreme sports, relationships (including with staff, competitors)…
Call for a discussion of a controversial topic in an opponent’s area, where there is no right-wing 50% to 50%.
It can be in the form of a request from your opponent for advice. “You are an experienced person, I wanted to know the opinion of a specialist on such a controversial issue...”

Now I'll tell you about using different levels of communication to obtain information in business.
There is one system that distinguishes 3 levels of communication: business, friendly and sexual.
Each level of communication implies its own specific behavior, its own vocabulary of words, its own topics, its own gestures, permitted postures, even its own breathing...
The business level involves talking about facts, the friendly level is about feelings, the sexual level is about sensations.
To put your opponent into a trance, or temporarily remove control over the main topic, it is enough to use one level as the basis of the conversation, and insert some element from another level.
For example, men can talk about serious things using sexual or friendly language.
Even phrases to a subordinate woman when concluding a serious contract “I want you” or when concluding a supply contract “I love large sizes” can unconsciously switch the opponent to another level, which already implies a different attitude. And it doesn’t matter whether the opponent agrees to move to another level, it is important that he switched and the thoughts that appeared led him off the main topic, and when they lose control, people can give out information.

5. Give original and on-topic compliments.

Recognize your opponent's advantages.“I know that you have a decision without me. But all my clients also had a solution. And they refused, because... ...But they were interested...Are you interested in development...?”
This method works according to the rule - give your interlocutor the opportunity to win by recognizing the merits, and he will be ready to give it to you.

6. Record a negative or incomprehensible reaction from your opponent

(a person’s silence, his “resistance”), even at the level of “Your feelings,” and describe this reaction out loud to your interlocutor.
For example, “I see that you are silent. You are not interested? What is important to you?” “I see that you don’t want to talk. What should I do differently?

When voicing your own feelings or guessing the feelings of another, an interesting fact occurs - “sharing of responsibility” for the occurrence of these feelings.
To check this, try saying out loud “I have a bad headache” or “it’s stuffy in the room”, and those around you will most likely begin to offer solutions to your problem or suddenly begin to get angry, because... the appearance of a feeling of guilt that they cannot help can cause such a reaction. 🙂

7. Arouse curiosity, interest through a promise or disclosure of one’s own secret.

For example, “I have several solutions, several proposals, but I don’t know which one will interest you? So that you don’t waste time, I want to know the answer to one question, after which I will tell you exactly what is interesting to you..."
Curiosity operates at the level of instincts; it is difficult to refuse to find an answer. And when a person reveals secrets, it’s as if he’s giving up his weapons and becomes safer. And when there is nothing to fear, people relax more and have less control and tension in relationships.
It is not necessary to give away secrets, the disclosure of which could bring trouble to you or someone else, there are simply some revelations or new information for your opponent.

8. Play the role of the client. Ask questions as if you were an opponent’s client who is about to purchase his product or service.

Everyone wants to sell goods and willingly talks about this topic.
It is better to build questions based on possible problems with a given product or service.
“Is this being done on time?” “How can I check the quality of your product?” “What if there is...?”

9. Find out the criteria in the opponent’s understanding of a “good client”, His benefit

i.e. “What is important to you in this product? (in this matter?”). “I can talk for a long time about how I can be useful, but to save time, I want to hear the answer to one question”
This is the most honest and effective way!!!

P.S. For those wishing to receive a description of additional observations of “games” in the business environment, please write to me.

Sincerely, Ekaterina Gordeeva, business coach

Are you embarrassed to participate in a conversation in a large company, because there are already leaders there who are always telling something and throwing in jokes at the right time? Do they seem to have an inexhaustible supply of witty answers to any question and remarks on any occasion? Yes, ease of communication is not always a natural quality. But it can and should be developed. We have collected some useful tips for you on how to become a pleasant conversationalist.

Everyone has situations when it is difficult to carry on a conversation with an interesting person or attract their attention to you. What can I say, even just finding the right words in a personal conversation with a friend or girlfriend is not so easy. What should I do? Train, train and train some more!

How to become a pleasant conversationalist

Develop yourself and read more

The more you know, the more interesting it will be to communicate with you. Various fascinating stories and examples will begin to emerge in your memory. So don't miss the opportunity to learn something new:

read books (not only fiction, but also popular science);

watch documentaries from different fields of knowledge: about nature, history, science and culture;

attend educational exhibitions, lectures and seminars.

Train your speech

To maintain a conversation and speak interestingly, you need to be able to formulate thoughts succinctly and clearly. After all, if you start describing one scene from a movie in every detail for 20 minutes, constantly getting confused and confused, or telling how you chose a dress in a store and how many buttons it had, the interlocutor will get bored already in the 2nd minute and stop listening to you. So practice.

Retell entire chapters, trying to grasp the essence and remembering a couple of colorful details.

Read large paragraphs and formulate them into one succinct sentence. Moreover, it is advisable to do this several times every day. And note how long it took you to think. Aim for it to take you a few seconds. Why is this necessary? When a successful idea comes to your mind, you will not waste time formulating it, you will not mumble and talk incoherently, but you will be able to express the idea at the moment when it is relevant.

More exercises and useful tips on how to speak beautifully and correctly.

How to keep a conversation going

It doesn't matter who you're talking to - a guy, a girl, a teacher or a stranger. To leave a good impression, you need to follow several important principles.

Show interest

If you want to please and interest a person, start the conversation with something that interests him. Find out about his hobbies and interests. If they partially coincide with you, great, develop this topic. And if not, ask for more details.

If you allow your interlocutor to talk about himself and show interest, consider it a done deal. He will make the most pleasant impression of you.

Know how to listen

Good listeners are worth their weight in gold. So reticence can be your main weapon. But you also need to be able to listen. If you look at your interlocutor with a bored look or are completely buried in your phone, he will quickly end the conversation and look for a more grateful listener. But if you follow the story with interest and ask counter questions in a timely manner, then be sure that he will consider you an excellent interlocutor!

All speakers need listeners. So your ability to listen carefully will make you a pleasant conversationalist.

Learn to ask interesting questions

If you have an important meeting or date coming up and you are afraid that your stiffness and confusion will prevent you from making a good impression, come up with questions in advance that you can resort to when you need to speak. It’s only better if your questions do not imply a short “yes” or “no” answer, but a detailed answer. For example: “Do you like films about love?” is not a very good question, but “What are your favorite movies?” and “Why these?” - will give you time to think and the opportunity to learn more about the person.

Have some interesting stories up your sleeve.

There is an unspoken “rule of 3 stories.” It says that you should always have at least 3 interesting stories to tell. Choose them depending on who you are talking to. So, if it’s enough for a friend to simply tell a funny story about her cat or a chance meeting, then for her parents or a high school student you like, you need to prepare something more interesting.

Don't criticize

Pointless arguments and criticism are a bad way to keep a conversation going. A negative reaction can be remembered for a long time. As a result, you will forget what you argued about, but an unpleasant aftertaste will remain. Talking about something you don't like is also not an option. It's better to talk about what you like. This brings positive emotions.

Keep secrets only with close friends

You shouldn't share your secrets with everyone. This can result in an unpleasant reputation as a gossip. For mysteries and secrets, there are close girlfriends, time-tested. You can whisper with them and consult with them. And in general, there are a range of issues that are good only for a narrow circle of people. Girlfriends generally have few closed topics; you can easily discuss everything - from the merits of Always sanitary pads to the secrets of the heart. Consider this training before communicating with strangers.

Chat on the Internet

The Internet with chat rooms, blogs and social networks has become an excellent help for those who develop their communication skills. You can also develop the art of communication in writing - this helps to correctly formulate thoughts and observe the reactions of your interlocutors. You can start communicating right now, in the comments to this article!

Don't communicate with people you are not interested in

And, of course, the main advice. You shouldn’t pretend and pretend that you are very pleased to communicate with someone, but think to yourself: “I wish this would end soon!” Communication should be enjoyable for both parties. Therefore, try to avoid boring and uninteresting interlocutors.

How do you feel about friendship between a guy and a girl? Do you have friends of the opposite sex?

What do you think, are you a good conversationalist?

Maybe it's PMS. Watch the video and find out what this condition is and how to safely survive this period.

"There are two things people won't give you for free: money and information," said Mr. Pyle, who served in the U.S. Army, the Army Intelligence Center and the Pentagon's Joint Intelligence Agency.

In his book, he tells the reader that during a conversation a person needs to ask "Control questions, the answers to which you already know. Such questions will help you understand: “a person is lying to you, or he simply does not know, or does not pay attention to it,” says the author.

There are also "persistent" questions, necessary to ask about the same thing, but in a different interpretation. These questions “will help probe the issue of interest from all sides.”
It is important to remember that you should not conduct the conversation in the form of an interrogation.
There is no need to let the person know that you want to learn some information from him; on the contrary, “your goal is to obtain measured information during the conversation,” the author advises. This means that you must also convey certain information about yourself, reacting with interest to your interlocutor's remarks.
Here are specific situations for conducting a conversation correctly from an intelligence expert.

How to find out from a girl on the first date whether she plans to have children?

This is a rather delicate question and should not be asked “head-on” on the first date.
In this situation, you can advise saying something about yourself and seeing the person’s reaction.
For example, if you want to find out whether your interlocutor was married, then simply say that you were married and look at his reaction.
“A person’s eyes will tell you a lot,” says James O. Pyle. Carefully observe how the person reacts to your statement, compare this behavior with when you do not touch on personal topics during the conversation.
Regarding the issue of children, the author of the book advises using a “third party” approach.
If there is a child nearby, you may exclaim, “Oh my God, look how cute the boy is!” Of course, you won’t get an exact answer to your question, but you will definitely find out the person’s attitude towards children: “Yes, but children have no place in expensive restaurants” or “Yes, I myself have two little daughters and I really miss them.”

Does my colleague earn more than me?

It is rude to ask a person about his salary. But if you use a little trick during the conversation, you will easily achieve the desired result.
You can build a conversation like this: “If I could be half like you, I would earn twice as much as I do now.” So, you've launched your fishing rod. Now we are waiting for the answer: “No, I don’t earn that much.” Now you can carefully move on: “Well, at least you probably earn (...) thousands of dollars.” To which you will most likely receive the answer: “No, that’s too much for me.” We build the conversation further and state a very low salary level, to which the person will answer: “No, more.” Usually at this moment the interlocutor admits how much he receives. But even if this does not happen, you will already have enough ideas about your colleague’s income.

What does the nanny do with my child while I'm at work? Does she do what I ask of her?

If, for example, your nanny does not go on daily walks with the child, as you asked her, then, of course, she will not tell you about it.
Here you will need various questions that will help you understand whether she is lying or telling the truth.
James O. Pyle advises in this case not to ask questions whose answers only imply “yes” or “no.”
You can structure your conversation with the nanny as follows: “How did you go for a walk today? Where were you? What they were doing"?
As research conducted by the FBI shows, a person will try to minimize communication or try to switch the conversation to another topic if he is lying: “Okay, we walked in the yard and went home.”
If you find this answer suspicious, continue the conversation further: “What time did you go out for a walk? What did you see? Who did you meet?" Then you can summarize the conversation and release one important detail or, conversely, add something that was not there. If a person does not catch the mistake and does not correct you, this is a sure sign that he is lying.
Perhaps during the conversation you will catch your interlocutor on the inconsistency of some facts. If you feel tension in a conversation, you should defuse the situation. You can temporarily turn the conversation in a different direction and say: “It smells so delicious! What did you cook for dinner? After some time, you can return to the previous topic again.

My parents are already quite old. I wonder how much savings they have in case they need constant care?

“My parents don’t even want to talk about their savings, let alone let me know what money they have or where it is kept. I don’t even know if they drew up documents for the right to use savings in the event of their death” - such questions puzzle many people.
In this situation, James O. Pyle advises the following: Tell your parents how much you love them and that you are very grateful to them for everything they have done for you. Then tell us about how your neighbor had a stroke, but she could not receive timely medical care because she did not issue a written power of attorney for her relatives. After that, say: “I want to ask you something, not out of curiosity, but so that I can help you in difficult times.” Then you can ask.
“I think it will work,” says James O. Pyle. If not, then say: “Why don’t we talk about this topic.”
In any case, your persistence will bear fruit. This applies to a five-year-old child whom you ask what he had for lunch and a prisoner of war who must confess. You just have to keep asking, “What else?” until the person says, “That’s all.” You need to be able to start a conversation correctly, and your interlocutor may not even understand that he is telling you the information you need. “You can’t force yourself to be nice,” says Mr. Pyle. “But you can cheat a little.”

Francine Rousseau, TIME journalist, speaker, author of They"re Your Parents, Too! How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents" Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy.

36. MAIN STAGES IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE JAPANESE FEUDALAL STATE

In the VI-VII centuries. in Japan, the clan community gives way to a rural community, where periodic redistributions of land take place, on the basis of which each family is assigned a certain plot of land for temporary use. At the same time, the best lands are appropriated by the tribal aristocracy.

The struggle of individual clans for supremacy in the tribal union, the desire of the peasants to improve their situation created the conditions for the seizure of power by one of the influential clans, the period of whose reign, which began in 645, was called Thai. During this period, the process of creating a centralized Japanese state began. The process of feudalization of Japanese society contributed to the collapse of the allotment system. The new manorial system swept away all obstacles to the further consolidation of large feudal estates, and, consequently, the political fragmentation of countries.

The emergence of the early feudal state in Japan was preceded by a long struggle between tribal groups, which led to the hegemony of a tribal group led by the strongest clan Yamato. Relying on the Buddhist church, they appropriated to themselves the title of “sons of heaven” - emperors and turned their supreme power into hereditary power. The Supreme State Council occupied an important place in the state (Dazekan) headed by the first minister, to whom eight departments were subordinate. The emperor's power was not unlimited. He shared it with the heads of large feudal houses. Since 645, Japan introduced territorial division countries into provinces (kuni) and counties (chun), headed by governors and district chiefs, respectively. At the same time, a system was introduced in Japan "five-yard"- associations of five neighboring peasant households, bound by a mutual guarantee in fulfilling all the duties of the peasants to the state and the community. In the early period, military affairs were not separated from agricultural labor. This separation occurred during the period of feudal fragmentation, which contributed to the concentration of military power and the formation of a special military-feudal class samurai– professional warriors, vassals of large feudal lords. The beginning of the second period of development of the feudal state in Japan coincides with the emergence in the 12th century. a unique political form of the Japanese feudal state - the shogunate, in which all political power is concentrated in the hands of one of the largest feudal houses.

The era of the Middle Ages (feudalism) is more than a thousand-year period in the history of society, state and law.

In the Middle Ages, many new states emerged, including Japan. Time between the 3rd and 7th centuries. n. e. can be considered as one of the most important milestones in world history, as the beginning of the Middle Ages.

The formation of the early feudal state in Japan should be attributed to the second half of the 4th century. At this time, changes occurred in the relations between the heads of the tribal union - the kings of Yamato (on the island of Honshu) and the leaders of other tribal groups, who became representatives of the central government. Changes also occurred in the peasant community, which became tax-paying: peasants were obliged to pay rent in grain and handicraft products, they bore labor duties, participating in construction, irrigation and other work.

Feudal state of the period of developed feudalism (XII - XVII centuries). As a result of the internecine struggle for power, the group led by the Minamoto clan, which in 1192 was proclaimed the ruler of the state (shogun), won. A new government apparatus is created: the bakufu. Emperors were considered only as bearers of the supreme priestly functions. The central apparatus of the shogun, the bakufu, consisted of the main administrative chamber, which was mainly in charge of legislation; the main military chamber, which was in charge of the military class, and the main judicial chamber. By the 13th century. in Japan, fief relations finally took shape: large feudal lords became lords; small ones - vassals obliged to perform military service. These two groups of the feudal class constituted the privileged class. The majority of the population were peasants,

The most important source of early medieval law is the code "Taiho Yero Re" - the main source characterizing the law of Japan in the 8th - 10th centuries. This Code of Laws summarized and systematized legislative acts on socio-economic and political reforms aimed at eliminating primitive communal separatism and creating a centralized state, consolidating the privileged position of the new aristocracy; The code basically determined the socio-political system and way of life of the Japanese for a period of more than 500 years. This legal monument includes practically several different kinds of codes: civil, family, land

In the feudal law of Japan, elements of the search process were already established in early sources. In Japan, there were several administrative and judicial authorities. The county government was considered the lowest authority; the next authority is the provincial government; Next came the Ministry of Justice, and, finally, the Highest Authority - the State Council, the Emperor.