Hello my dear friend! Today, by popular demand, I want to answer your questions and give practical tools for use in the issue of relationships between “Man and Woman”. Very often in my practice I hear questions:
- I chose the man of my life, and he also chose me, but nothing works out in our relationship;
- My man is very boring and not interesting to be with; We're bored together;
- My man doesn’t strive for anything and earns little, and my girlfriend is too active and proactive;
- I like my man in appearance, but it’s almost impossible to live with him - he doesn’t pay attention to me.
How often do we hear such statements and complaints from women about their men? Therefore, I propose to deal with these problems and get answers to them!
The first thing a girl needs to know is how to choose “her man” correctly, and who this very “my man” is.
We all know that both men and women have their own criteria for “choosing a partner,” but they are too different.
How do men make this choice? Men divide girls into two types. This is “Girl for Life and long-term relationships” and the second type is “Girl for short-term relationships”. And who the “Woman” will be in the life of a particular Man, this choice is made only by the Girl herself! And the man already takes her choice for granted!
For girls, the choice is a little more complicated. As children, we all dreamed of a “prince on a white horse”!
Let's talk now about the right choice of “Man”, and how to make it!
Conventionally, all Men can be divided into only four categories:
- "Successful Entrepreneur." These Men are very purposeful, ambitious, determined, responsible, ready to take responsibility both for their own results in life and to help others achieve their results.
- "Top manager". These men strive for the first category! And so far they are just learning and gaining experience in order to get into the first category. They also have their own goals in life and their Responsibility is sufficiently developed. Only, according to some temporary criteria, they are still in the second category. Their growth and development is a matter of time!
- "Employee". These men, as a rule, do not have their own goals in life and live by inertia. As they say, from bell to bell!
- “Stable Unemployed.” These men, as a rule, are Alphonses, and I, dear Girls, do not recommend choosing men from this category. Because it is you who will have to support and “protect” such a man.
With each of these types of men, life will be very different! And to each of these categories of men, the Girl must correspond! Match your Skills and Personality Qualities!
Let's look at the first THREE categories of men and how to properly match them!
For men from the first category, girls who know how to act like a “Director of the Co-Founder” are very important
This includes the skills of setting both your own goals in life and those shared with a man. It is very important for a woman to know what she wants and be able to present her desire clearly, specifically and measurably in time! It is very important to ask a man, and not to demand that he fulfill his own request. This is how caring for a man is expressed.
It is necessary to be able to “turn on” not only yourself, but also your Man to fulfill our request, that is, to have Leadership qualities! A successful leader always knows how to inspire both himself and the people around him! Ability and ability to delegate and distribute tasks among each other. And any desire you have must be presented to a man for his benefit!
Also, the girl of such a man must have a “Favorite Thing” and develop as a Personality! Such men simply do not know any other way to treat themselves! The skill of cooperation comes first for them. And whoever does not meet this list of Skills and requirements is quickly “fired”.
Men from the second category have slightly fewer requirements for a woman
For him, just like for men from the first category, it is important to be able to make decisions independently and set their own and joint goals! For example, this may concern joint recreation or maintaining “accounting” in the family. His girl can work, doing her “Favorite Thing,” but the requirements for her results are less stringent.
It is also very important for them to be inspired by their results and believe in their growth! This type of man is suitable for young girls who are just beginning their development journey. Or for girls with less ambitious desires and requirements for their own lives.
With the third category of men, “Wage worker,” a woman’s life is significantly different from life with the previous two!
Mostly, for men in this category, only requests for a woman’s attractive appearance are important. Housekeeping skills are very important for these men. Namely: washing, cleaning, ironing, cooking. The skill of maintaining and maintaining a comfortable life in a man’s life.
The birth and upbringing of their children is vitally important to them. And, as a rule, the life of a woman who chooses a man of this category for herself takes place in three shifts! A woman goes to work - works there, if she has one. Then he runs to the store and then home! And at home – all the above obligations! And rarely do such men help their women in housekeeping. And you also need to do homework with the children! These men have practically no goals, and their lives flow by inertia!
Dear girls, now let's answer the first three questions at the beginning of our confidential conversation. When we choose “our man,” we mostly play the “Lottery”! First we fall in love, then we get married, and then we sit and wait, what will happen next? Is not it?
And I propose another solution to this Choice Problem! Because Falling in love is an Emotional process, and compatibility is a Logical one! First, I suggest determining your own skills, and what category of men you yourself can fit into. And only after that, find those places where such men “are located”. And then he meets him!
Please write a list of your skills in the comments to this article. And in my next article, we will cover this topic more extensively and specifically!
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So, you have decided to choose a partner. What should you pay attention to? What is really important for a long-term relationship and what is not. Oddly enough, these are not obvious things.
Firstly - what kind of place do we choose? We have a head (brain, mind, intellect) that operates with information, a heart (soul) in which feelings live, and a body that experiences sensations.
In our daily city life, we most often use the mind. This is convenient for us and those around us; at work, most often, the ability to handle information contributes to our career. Even those who work with their hands subordinate them to their heads. When choosing a partner, we automatically also turn on the mind.
He, honestly trying to help us, develops optimal selection criteria - compliance with the image accepted in society, our personal ideal, good characteristics according to social parameters - “higher education, good looks, decent earnings,” etc.
And everything seems to be fine. But in a relationship, when a partner is chosen in this way, there is a feeling that something is missing. This “something” is very difficult to express in words. Because it does not live in the realm of the mind and in the realm of words. Only a few metaphors can approximate this. “No spark” we say in such cases. And when it is, we say “this woman has a zest.” What is a “highlight”? Objectively, there is no zest in this woman, but in a man she gives rise to a feeling, some kind of attraction, interest, something that can be expressed by this metaphor “zest.” And it no longer sounds from the mind, but from the heart and body.
So, how to choose? To choose a partner for a long-term relationship, it makes sense to ask the mind to be silent. Yes, of course, all social criteria are important, but they are not decisive. They can be put aside for now, and besides, they change. And one more thing - the mind has one insidious property. He very easily changes his opinion to the opposite under the influence of emotions. Like a corrupt trial lawyer, he will try to win or lose the case depending on how much he is paid. And the payment is feelings. So it’s better to immediately pay attention to feelings and sensations. They are the ones who determine the choice of relationships.
How exactly? There are those feelings and sensations that attract us to some people and push us away from others. One of the most important, basic feelings is safety.
How to feel it? On our dating meetings we give enough time to simply stand next to the person, look into his eyes and check the sensations in his body.
- What is happening to you now?
- Are you calm, confident, at ease, maybe there is excitement and embarrassment, but it rather excites and behind it a sense of adventure?
- Can you afford to fool around with him?
- Or is there a slight trembling, your breathing stops or becomes unsteady, does it seem to you that he thinks something bad about you, are you afraid that he will criticize you for something?
- Maybe just an incomprehensible feeling of danger.
It doesn’t matter what the partner looks like - he can look completely harmless. We are not talking about any objective danger here, this is an internal subjective feeling, it may be completely illogical, but it is yours.
If there is discomfort, fear, trembling, or lack of self-confidence next to a person, it is unsafe. There is no need to overcome this, it is better to look for someone else.
Important! If you honestly check your feelings with several people and discover that you are unsafe with ALL men, or with ALL women, or with ALL people in general, and there are no exceptions, then this indicates some kind of internal psychological pain and it’s worth going with it To specialist psychologist.
If you start to overcome this feeling and force yourself to be around people, even though you feel unsafe and bad, then this is self-abuse and you will not get any good experience. Therefore, it is better to first work with this problem; it can be solved quite successfully.
So, let's assume you have found a partner who is pleasant to you and safe to be around. Now check your feelings. What do you experience when you are next to this person? Something else besides a feeling of security? Is there elation, enthusiasm, joy, tone or calmness, peace, relaxation. Feelings can be very different, the main criterion is whether they are pleasant or not? Are you ready to experience them? Another criterion is if it is somehow neutral next to the person, but there is some kind of action of his, or this is your joint action, usually very simple, for example, you are holding hands, or he handed you a coat, and this immerses you into some almost magical state of happiness.
Bodily sensations. Does your body feel good next to him? Do you like its smell? No, not cologne, not perfume, but the smell of the body and hair of a healthy person. This is a very important, ancient channel of perception.
Human rhythm. Each of us has our own rhythm, some are fast, others are slow. A cloud of thoughts flashes through the heads of some in a second, while others think one thing slowly and corrosively. It's the same with movements. People's rhythms may be the same or they may differ. The most important thing is that neither you nor your partner are annoyed by this. Are you ready to wait for his answer to your question within a minute? Is he ready for a machine-gun burst of your questions and suggestions? If yes, it's worth continuing.
Character traits. This is difficult to see at the first meeting; character and habits reveal themselves later. What matters is not what kind of character your partner has, but how you feel around him. There are no good and bad characters. There are people who are pleasant or unpleasant to be around. Just pay attention to your reactions to your partner's actions. If the reactions are more often neutral or you feel good, stay close. If it’s more often unpleasant and bad, think about it.
We wish you good luck and happiness, a lot and regularly, and invite you to our Successful dating club , where you can find a worthy match.
Good luck to all of us!!!
Usually, for the desire to start a family, it is quite possible to have an easily disappearing emotion called “falling in love”, which quickly evaporates after 1.5-2 years, and the couple does not even bother to notify the couple about their departure. Most divorces and breakups occur during this period.
And this is not surprising, because in the process of falling in love, people are high on physiology, which, skillfully playing with hormones, clouds the clarity of thinking and easily deceives lovers. Moreover, the intoxicating state of this short-lived emotion is so pleasant and so desirable that partners do not even want to slow down a little with the intensity of feelings and look at each other with a more sober look. Which they later regret and exclaim: “You’re not like that!”, “You’re not like that!”, “We can’t live with you at all!” Of course, both “not like that” and “not like that,” because you haven’t even met the real him or her yet. Moreover, you will never fully recognize your partner, because here the projections of your ideas, expectations and beliefs come into play, but this is not about them now.
Is it possible to somehow prevent a couple from such disappointment and make the choice more appropriate and enjoyable for a long period? Of course, it is possible and even necessary! Only then, most likely, your union will be dubbed the very unpleasant definition of “marriage of convenience.” I hasten to reassure you that we are not talking about material well-being at all, although the ability to stand confidently on your feet in the modern world is important. The calculation also varies. For example, relying on his character, with whom you are comfortable, calm and reliable, on his desire to hear you and negotiate. When you understand with a cool head the advantageous positions of your companion at the initial stages of the relationship, clearly see his negative components, and at the same time the degree of emotions does not go off scale - this will be called calculation. To be honest, I don’t see anything bad in this. On the contrary, it gives you the opportunity to avoid disappointment and create a truly lasting union. After all, marriage or family is like a business or a common cause, in which balance, coherence, the common idea of all participants in the process and, of course, love are important. Love (but not infatuation), which has every chance of a long and pleasant life in your union, if when choosing a partner you are guided not only by emotions, but also by common sense.
What to look for when choosing a partner
- shared values and aspirations. You will not change a freedom-loving, but such a charming reveler, and sooner or later your relationship may fail, although for dates and a simple romance such a man is just a godsend;
- his attitude towards his mother. This is a very important point and should not be neglected. If you come across a mama's boy, don't expect him to change his position. And you won’t be particularly happy if he treats you like a mother and not like his woman;
- attitude towards everyday life. It is customary for us to look for a woman to cope well with everyday issues, but there are issues that also apply to men. Does he help you, participate in solving some everyday difficulties, or are you all on your own? After all, when a baby appears, the man will behave in the same way and, on the contrary, can only evade such difficulties, because he is not used to them;
- one of the most important points, and I mentioned it. Is he committed to finding common solutions that suit both you and him?Or is he just pushing his line, and you are in the position of a background figure and in this union you are just a background, and he is the main figure?
- sexual compatibility. Be that as it may, good sex strengthens relationships, if, of course, there is something besides sex. It must be said that sometimes you also need to work on sexual compatibility, finding the keys to both yourself and your partner. But believe me, it's worth it.
Almost everyone wants a long and happy relationship, but for some reason they do everything to get a completely different, but extremely familiar result. I know you can do it!